Thursday, June 14, 2007

On The Anvil

I left home quite early today. I went to the hospital to collect some medication for mum. Since I do not have to go for the interview anymore, I thought I spend some time in Botanic Gardens - basically to read God's Word and also to pray - for mum, grandma, the Youth Ministry Spiritual Retreat tomorrow, some burdens of my heart, some concerns I have for a couple of siblings-in-Christ and friends. Today is basically a day of nostalgia.

I was seated in a gazebo and it was the one that my parents used to bring me to when I was a kid. I can still picture the little me running around and climbing up the railings while dad would keep a look-out for me and mum would be reading.

That was almost 30 years ago. Just as much as I did not really enjoy my childhood due to my rebellious nature and rift with mum, I must admit though that I did enjoy some of those times when I spent them with dad to movies and parks and with mum in her office in the old Change Alley where there was this super-ancient lift with the metal grill. It was operated by one uncle. I remember I would always press the lift button and when it reached the level of mum's office, I would say hi to the uncle and run away. Though I have played countless pranks on him, I recalled the many lollipops he gave me. I wonder whether the uncle is still alive. He is a good man.

When I was bored and had nothing else to do, I would mess up the sports items that mum and her workers had packed for deliveries. When I heard her screaming her head off for the mess I created, I would find a big box and hid myself in it. That was my refuge, I guess. I recalled a time when mum had to send a box of tennis rackets to Mr. Champion's store in Peninsula Plaza but when he received the delivery, there were some table-tennis bats in there as well. Of course some tennis rackets were missing as I took them out of the box and mixed them with the other boxes. When he called mum to inform her of the mistakes, mum knew it was my doing and would whack me with the cane. Then I would go to one of the stairways to cry.

I do not know why I am feeling this way today. I guess God wants me to remember the journey I have travelled so far. I am thankful to God for helping me recall what had happened in the past and looking at myself now, I guess He has brought about a breakthrough in my life - for His grace in which I am now a Christian; for the joy in serving Him and my siblings-in-Christ; for teaching me many precious lessons daily; for always pulling me through one trial after another, one setback after another; for allowing me to do something I like in my career and having the free-play of time where I can balance between work and service in church; for the healing of relationships in my family, etc.

It has taken 30 over years for God to mould me to be who I am now and I am still in the process of being on the anvil where He is still hammering me into shape. I guess all these have been made possible because He did not give up on me. For those of my siblings-in-Christ who have been running the race with me, their persistent support and building up of my character have played a major role in who and what I am now. They too did not give up on me. Thanks be to God!

As mentioned earlier I was praying for the YM Spiritual Retreat starting tomorrow. I was asking God how can there be a breakthrough in the lives of the youths. He basically told me to walk with them and not give up on them though sometimes it is so easy to do so when one does not see the results. Being a part of someone's life is a journey. It is not like a cup of instant noodles where once one pours hot water in it, the noodles are ready for consumption.

Just like God and my siblings-in-Christ who took time to mould me to be who I am now, I guess I have to do the same for the rest of my siblings-in-Christ whom I am burdened for. Prayer should also go hand in hand in this process. Only God can bring about a breakthrough in these lives and I am just an instrument that He can use to help them through this experience.

Praise be to God for always being there.

Grandma is still in pain. Bro just called to inform me that the doctor has changed her medication. I pray that would help alleviate the pain. If not, we have been advised to send her to the Accident & Emergency department for further treatment.

Mum seemed okay when I saw her in the morning. She still feels a little tired though.

Well, I shall stop here. I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean - I shall do a final run-through of the lesson-preparations for the two workshops. I also need to buy some more items for the sessions and a present for a sister's birthday this Sunday.

May the Lord be my help in all that I do today.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18

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