Enjoying The Simple Things In Life

Today for me is basically to enjoy the simple things in life.

I went to another church to worship God. It was a refreshing time and it is one thing I have decided to do once a month from next year onwards.

After service, I went to a park to spend some time in reflection. 2012 is coming to an end and I thought it would be appropriate for me to just look back and thank God for everything that had happened - both the pleasant and unpleasant adventures. I am still reflecting and I will write in detail either on the last day of this year (which I just realised is tomorrow) or the first day of the new year.

Dad came to mind constantly. I miss him dearly. It is almost two weeks since he passed away but every time I come home, it feels as if he is still there, in his room. Then I would picture him coming out with his walking stick to ask whether I have eaten.

A couple of times in the morning, I would jump out of bed, thinking that I needed to tube-feed dad. And when I went out to the living room, it then occurred to me that he has gone to be with the Lord. All the apparatus for his tube-feeding are still on the table. There are still four cartons of milk left unopened. It would have been enough to last him till his medical review which was to be on 3 January 2013.

Anyway, I am sure dad is having a great time in heaven, celebrating Jesus' birthday on Christmas Day, singing with the other angels and dancing (which he liked to do when he was younger) and of course the feasting - I hope he will eat as much as he can because here on earth, he was only fed with milk in his last days.

Well, the consolation whenever I think of dad is that I will reunite with him again when my time here on earth is up. Death as much as it is painful is also worth celebrating because it takes us away from this world of suffering to a place of eternal joy. Frankly I am looking forward to it because there were many whom I knew and cherished who are there now... cannot wait to catch up with them. :)

Below is a poem I wrote while reflecting on the above-mentioned...

Death, oh death, as painful as it is,

does not take away a hope such as this -

that one day a reunion will happen

with those who are now in heaven.

While we await for that moment to arrive,

on earth a close communion with God we'll strive.

Family and friends we will learn to cherish

So that no regrets we'll carry when we perish.

Let us learn to live our lives simply

Because that is what matters eventually.

Dad's departure has taught me to enjoy the simple things in life and they are simply my family and friends. One can earn as much money as he can or sell his soul to a company but when his time is up, it is still family and friends who matters. :)

Well, praise God for the above reminder.

in the afternoon, I met a friend for lunch... someone whom I have not caught up much for a while. I enjoyed every moment with her at an Italian restaurant which has been a favourite place for me lately. After that it was off to my favourite cafe where we had tea and desserts. I am sure those who are close to me will know which these two places are. :)

Well, though we just ate and talked, that meant a whole world to me and I look forward to more of this with her in the near future. :)

As mum needed some groceries, my friend and I went to a supermarket next. For the rest of evening, I decided to spend it with mum and grandma. I cooked for them one of their favourite food - prawn noodles! All three of us had a sumptuous meal together. Dad was in our mind and there at the dining table I could feel his presence with us. Well, he will always be close to our hearts... no doubt about that!

What a great day I had! Praise God!!! :)

Precious Moments

It has been 4 days since dad left us. The wake is now into its third day. During this period, I spent a considerable amount of time next to dad's casket, thanking him for all that he had done for me the past 40 years, recalling the good and bad times we had, seeking his forgiveness for the hurts and disappointments I have caused him occasionally and also letting him know about the numerous friends who came to visit him during this period of bereavement.

I know it is a bit too late to say this but this period has been one of the rare moments when I actually spent so much time with him. The only regret is that I am doing it when he is actually already gone. I wish I could say all the above-mentioned to him when he was still alive.

My dad's passing has opened my eyes to one thing - make it count while it is still possible.

Many of us have been drowning ourselves with work and studies. A considerable number of us spent quite a fair bit of our free time on the computer, shopping, clubbing, etc. I am not saying all these are wrong but the reflection here is basically on how we can cut down on these and take some time to spend precious moments with our loved ones, especially those in our family.

Some may say that we are already spending time since we live under the same roof and seeing each other every day. I think the focus here is "quality time."

How many us actually tell our parents and/or children, "I love you." How many of us say "thank you" when our family members have done something for us? How many of us actually sit down with our parents and/or children to listen to their deepest thoughts and struggles? How many of us actually sought forgiveness when a hurt has been inflicted on another family member? How many of us actually pray for one another in the family or, to take a step further, to pray with one another?

Though dad is no more with the family, I still have mum and grandma living with me. I will from here on take time to be with them and simply to let them know that they mean a whole world to me.

Do not wait till it is too late.

That said, it has been a tiring period for me. I have not rested well since the youth camp which I attended. Though I managed to catch some sleep here and there, they were not really proper ones as my mind has been on active mode since dad's passing.

I am truly blest with the many friends who came to support me - simply spending time with me, praying for me and buying me cups and cups of coffee so that I can have the boost to keep me going. Haha. I am specially touched when I heard some youths and youth leaders actually volunteered their time to keep vigil at night so that my family and I can have sufficient sleep. God bless these precious individuals!

Well, two more days left. As the day draws nearer to the funeral, my heart gets sadder because I know for a fact that he will not be with us anymore physically. The comfort is that he is in a better place now.

I shall stop here. Another long day ahead but God will be my strength. :)

Good-Bye, Daddy

I just spent some time praying with mum before she goes to sleep. From tonight onwards, she will be sleeping alone. Dad passed away suddenly this morning at 8.30am in hospital.

It was sudden because no one expected the above-mentioned to happen. My brother and I received a call from the doctor, just past midnight, asking us to rush to the hospital. I knew something bad had happened to dad.

Just as we arrived at the ward, we saw dad being wheeled out quickly to the Neuro Intensive Care Unit. The doctor asked us to prepare for the worse because dad's heart stopped for 20 minutes but it came back on when they were about to give up. By this time, his condition was already very critical as his organs had failed due to the lack of oxygen in the body. He was given only a few hours to live.

My brother went back to fetch mum and grandma while I waited for my other relatives to arrive.

I managed to spend some time with dad alone. I apologised to him for having not visited him after the youth camp came to a close. I was basically very tired. At that point of time, I was updated that his condition had stabilised when the doctors treated him in the Accident and Emergency Department. I basically planned to visit him this morning. Well, it was not to be. Dad was already in a comatose when my brother and I arrived at the hospital.

I also took the opportunity to thank him for all the 40 years of showing love and care to me. I will always remember him as the father who would wake up every morning, without a complaint, to prepare the milk for me when I was toddler. And when I was in my teens, he would go out to buy food for me when I was hungry. Even after I became an adult, he would make sure that my meals are well taken care of by a simple reminder through a phone call or sms.

When I was young, every Saturday without fail, we would be out watching a movie (Star Wars was the most vivid one) or visit the Botanic Gardens (where we loved to take pictures by this huge clock) or go to Yaohan at Plaza Singapura (where I would buy my Lego and PlayMobil sets) or the zoo (where in one occasion I was flung off my feet when a horse used its head to whack me) or simply just spend time with me at home (watching football matches). 

My love for photography and Liverpool also came from dad's influences.

My first walkman and hi-fi system were also from him and I guess that was how I came to love music, especially singing.

He was also one father who would constantly forgive when I kept hurting and disappointing him, mum and grandma during my really rebellious years. When mum caned me, he would be there to be my shield. He would then apply ointment on the areas where the cane-marks were.

The person who taught me what giving is about also came from dad. He is one generous individual who would give without expecting anything in return and I thank God he has taught me this precious trait and I will definitely pass this gem on to those in the future generations.

Dad used to be the strongest and healthiest in the family. In his thirty over years in the American International Assurance company, he had never once took medical leave or visited the doctor. His physical being started deteriorating after he retired. He just could not stay at home and do nothing. He went even to the point of being a security guard at a school just so that he could do something useful. I remembered him telling me how he loved interacting with the students, teachers and parents.

Mum had a stroke a couple of years ago and dad, being the main caregiver, started feeling stressed out tending to her needs. He himself got a stroke and this led to many other complications.

Despite of his physical struggles, the family's welfare still came first in his mind and in his limited ability, he would still shower us love and care.

I am already missing him and below is a simple poem dedicated to this dear father of mine...

To my beloved father of 40 years,
Thank you for being such a dear.
From a babe to who I am today,
Thank you for showing me life's way.
Hurts and disappointments I've sometimes been,
Thank you for showing me what forgiveness means.
Sacrifices, big and small, you've made,
Thank you for letting the selfishness in me fades.
Good-bye, my daddy dearest,
In heaven we will meet soonest.

This is just a temporary departure, dad. Enjoy your first day in heaven... the street of gold must be a beautiful sight. See you again soon!

Victory!!!

The youth camp just commenced about 4 hours ago. Praise God everything has gone pretty well. Of course there were some minor hiccups here and there but that is common. Mistakes allow us to learn and also not to take things so seriously that we become badly affected by them. I am glad that the Committee Members and the Tribe Leaders are taking the challenges in their stride and giving their best to cheer the campers on and making them feel as comfortable as possible.

This year's camp's theme is "VICTORY" and I am glad we have this as our focus. It is planned not because the campers are losers or defeated individuals. In fact, victory has already been given to us when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man.

The next four days are basically for these young lives to claim God's victory in their lives and hold on to the identity that they have been given as sons and daughters of the Almighty One. It is my prayer that at the end of this event, these youths will be transformed forever and journey their lives with a Kingdom-focus.

Thank God that I was able to rest well last night after the Camp Committee and Tribe Leaders completed their preparations. The couch I was sleeping on was comfortable and when I woke up at 5.30 this morning, I was all ready to enjoy the four-day camp with my siblings-in-Christ and the friends they would be bringing. :)

I am seated somewhere in town waiting for the first tribe to arrive to obtain their clue for the Amazing Race. Sipping my coffee and with a book in my hand is such a luxury. Being away from home for the next few days is good for me, I guess. Thank God for my brother who has taken over my duty to feed my dad and to take care of the concerns of the household. I shall trust that God will protect everyone at home. Looking forward already to meeting my family on Sunday when everything is over..

Okie, I shall end here. One tribe will probably be here soon.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

The Gift of Friendship

Finally home after being out the whole day. Majority of the time was spent in church with the Youth Camp Committee as we did our final planning and preparations for the biggest-ever camp we are organising. Praise the Lord!

I am very excited about the camp. Since I am in-between jobs and having to be home most of the time to take care of dad, I spent a lot of time praying towards this event, God has impressed upon my heart that this generation of youths will be ones who will step up and stand out from those in the previous generations. No more about their lives being caught up with the pressures of studies and the strife to do well. No more about being drowned by the lures and patterns of this world.

Instead these young lives will learn to put God first and honour Him in every area of their lives. When they are able to get these fundamentals right, everything they do is no more about what the world tells them to or pursue but letting God lead them all the way. No more leading the defeated lifestyle but one of victory! This will be a TRANSFORMED generation!

Well, though  I have been quite exhausted having to take care of dad and also doing all the housework the past two weeks, I just feel so refreshed when I think about the camp! Even though I will be the oldest in the camp, I go not with the attitude that I know more than the campers but basically have the sole desire to know God deeper. Even where I am now at 40 years of age, there are still areas where I need to be victorious over and I look forward to what God is going to teach me from 13 to 16 December 2012. :)

That said, now to the main objective of this blog...

The past two weeks since dad's discharge, I truly want to give thanks for providing me with friends to support me and also offer help in various ways.

As the milk for tube-feeding is not cheap, a dear brother-in-Christ managed to source them for me at a discounted price. I was even more ministered to by him when I realised on the day he delivered the 8 cartons of milk that he was feeling unwell. He chose to collect the orders first before going to the clinic.

Prior to the above-mentioned, another sister-in-Christ also managed to find another source where I can purchase the milk at a discounted price but it did not come through as the order needed some time for it to be processed. Then I needed the milk urgently as those given by the hospital were running dry.

Then there were other friends who offered to help me do the tube-feeding should there be times when I am unable to. Some messaged to say that they will be praying for my family. Some even offered to fetch my dad to and from any medical appointments should a need arises.

I am truly overwhelmed and touched by all these acts of love and kindness! Praise the Lord for each one of these souls... going beyond their comfort zones and being there for me.

These two weeks I have learnt much from them about showing hospitality. That is why I told God I will want to do something for my friends as well. I basically devoted much of my free time, especially in-between my dad's feeding time, to pray for my friends and it has been such great joy!

I also used some occasions to cut and style friends' hair, a skill I acquired more than 10 years ago when a friend signed me up to go on a hairstyling course with her when I was recovering from my kidney injury. Praise God for many of them who trusted their lovely locks in my hands. They have allowed me to hone my skills and not put what I have learnt to waste. In fact this skill has allowed me to bless kids with cancer, where friends actually donated their hair (10 inches at least) so that wigs can be made for these children who lost their hair to chemotherapy. It is also wonderful to be able to go to an old folks' home to trim the patients' hair.

Well, I thought this period of care-giving to dad will be a boring one but God has proven me wrong. In the midst of the monotony of having to feed him every three hours, friends have been there for me. I am able to also bless them with what God has given me. Glory to Him for that! I also have the opportunities to catch up with lots of reading which have enriched my life and using the lessons learnt to encourage others. :)

Truly, friendship is one of the greatest gift one can have. God knows we cannot function on our own at times and that is where friends come in to help one another. This makes our life's journey much easier to trod. :) Friends also make me feel good simply by their acceptance of me for who I am.

Time for me to hang the laundry.

Good night, world! :)

"Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

¹⁰ 

If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

¹¹ 

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

¹² 

Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

--- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Hope in God

Not having blogged for a while, this feels a little weird but I will try to get over it and share a couple of thoughts.

My life for the past two weeks or so have been revolving around my father - every three hours, beginning from 6.00am, I will have to feed him. My domestic helper is away for a month to attend to her son's wedding. Having been away from her family for 5 years, I thought she deserves to have the time spent with her family especially during this special occasion, which only comes once in a person's life.

Though the tube-feeding can be monotonous at times, I have grown used to it except for the past three days or so - dad has been having a bout of diarrhoea. He soils himself each time he had to rush to the toilet. Whenever that happened, I would be the one having to clean him up.

I have to admit that it has been a humbling experience for me as I had to clean him up. I will spare you the details on how I did that and to what extent. Interestingly, this has allowed me to appreciate my parents and grandma especially the inconveniences they themselves had to go through when bringing me up.

Dad's mood was exceptionally bad throughout this day. I guess he is frustrated as to the helplessness he has been going through since he had his second stroke in July. I was also affected because dad's frustration caused mum to feel that way too and when I had to mediate at times, I was snubbed. There were moments when I was at my wit's end.

Both last night and tonight I had to leave the house to catch a breather and also to ensure my sanity is in check.

At Sentosa Boardwalk yesterday I read Psalm 42, two verses (vv. 6 and 11) spoke to me and they are of the same words...

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

    Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

    for I will yet praise him,

    my Savior and my God.

The verses were spot on. I was downcast and troubled. What hit me was the next few lines where they reminded me to put my hope in God and to praise Him in the midst of all these. Tough to praise God when one is going through a trying time but if he can do just that, it is a very uplighting experience because the whole perspective of the struggle shifts from self to God.

I have been a Christian for 27 years and God still needs to nudge me at times to do what is beneficial and the above-mentioned was truly timely.

At Changi Beach just now, I saw the beauty of the countless stars in the sky. One word came to mind when I was admiring the glittering spots up in the heavens - it was "Faithfulness." God's faithfulness, to be precise. It was assuring that though I am like one of the many millions of human beings created, He still takes care of my needs as an individual. With that, I just prayed and surrendered to Him the cares of this world.

There was another thought that troubled me but I will share that another day.

I hope dad will get well soon - both his diarrhoea and also the tube-feeding.

God will see everyone through... just need to press on for now.

Good night.