Hope in God

Not having blogged for a while, this feels a little weird but I will try to get over it and share a couple of thoughts.

My life for the past two weeks or so have been revolving around my father - every three hours, beginning from 6.00am, I will have to feed him. My domestic helper is away for a month to attend to her son's wedding. Having been away from her family for 5 years, I thought she deserves to have the time spent with her family especially during this special occasion, which only comes once in a person's life.

Though the tube-feeding can be monotonous at times, I have grown used to it except for the past three days or so - dad has been having a bout of diarrhoea. He soils himself each time he had to rush to the toilet. Whenever that happened, I would be the one having to clean him up.

I have to admit that it has been a humbling experience for me as I had to clean him up. I will spare you the details on how I did that and to what extent. Interestingly, this has allowed me to appreciate my parents and grandma especially the inconveniences they themselves had to go through when bringing me up.

Dad's mood was exceptionally bad throughout this day. I guess he is frustrated as to the helplessness he has been going through since he had his second stroke in July. I was also affected because dad's frustration caused mum to feel that way too and when I had to mediate at times, I was snubbed. There were moments when I was at my wit's end.

Both last night and tonight I had to leave the house to catch a breather and also to ensure my sanity is in check.

At Sentosa Boardwalk yesterday I read Psalm 42, two verses (vv. 6 and 11) spoke to me and they are of the same words...

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

    Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

    for I will yet praise him,

    my Savior and my God.

The verses were spot on. I was downcast and troubled. What hit me was the next few lines where they reminded me to put my hope in God and to praise Him in the midst of all these. Tough to praise God when one is going through a trying time but if he can do just that, it is a very uplighting experience because the whole perspective of the struggle shifts from self to God.

I have been a Christian for 27 years and God still needs to nudge me at times to do what is beneficial and the above-mentioned was truly timely.

At Changi Beach just now, I saw the beauty of the countless stars in the sky. One word came to mind when I was admiring the glittering spots up in the heavens - it was "Faithfulness." God's faithfulness, to be precise. It was assuring that though I am like one of the many millions of human beings created, He still takes care of my needs as an individual. With that, I just prayed and surrendered to Him the cares of this world.

There was another thought that troubled me but I will share that another day.

I hope dad will get well soon - both his diarrhoea and also the tube-feeding.

God will see everyone through... just need to press on for now.

Good night.