Living A Life Of Purity

I spent a good 4 hours at Coffee Bean in Ngee Ann City preparing for the lesson that I will be conducting for the Youth Ministry this Sunday. The topic is on being pure in Christ and I praise the Lord for guiding me in the lesson plan.

I was convicted to live my life in purity as I was reading all the verses that God prompted me. Though it is tough to practise a different lifestyle from that of the world because of our human shortcomings and weaknesses, it does not mean that it is impossible to do so.

The cafe was noisy but I am thankful to God that He still gave me the peace and concentration to discern His leading. I was listening to two songs over and over again when I was reading all the materials for the lesson but I did not get sick of them as the words were just so powerful. The songs were, "When It's All Been Said And Done" and "Jesus, Lover Of My Soul".

My prayer for this Sunday is this - that the words of my mouth and the meditation of everyone's heart be pleasing in God's sight, who is our Rock and Redeemer.

This morning at around 3am I woke up suddenly because of the pain in my tummy. I was also breaking in cold sweat but after drinking a glass of warm water, I felt better. I went out to the living room, stood by the window and spent some time in prayer.

I was at peace after talking to God and went back to sleep after that. Everything was okay since then. Thanks be to God.

Sasha has been misbehaving lately and I had no choice but to discipline her with the cane just now when I got home from Orchard Road. She has been barking lots, trying to gain the attention of every one at home. Sometimes I allow her to do so but when she started to whimper persistently and howling occasionally, I had no choice but to cane her lightly on the butt to put the message across to her that I am in charge and not her. From then, she has been quiet.

I think she is alright because whenever I come towards her without the cane, she would wag her tail excitedly. I did not feel good whacking her but I had no choice. I stroked her butt area hopefully to soothe the sore if she had any. She responded by licking my arms.

After my driving class and before I did my lesson preparation, I took the train to Somerset MRT as I needed to go to the Tourist Information Centre next to Heeren for a project that I am currently doing.

I had to walk passed Planet Fitness just opposite Orchard Cineleisure. Some staff were doing a promotion drive and one of them approached me at a distance. He spoke to me in Malay, thinking that I am one, and he basically said I was a little fat and that I should lose those extra pound. Though he said it jokingly, I felt it was rather lame. I walked towards him and asked him to direct me to his manager.

The manager apologised for the remark made and he offered me free usage of the facilities for a month. I declined. I told him that this kind of attitude towards horizontally-challenged people should be put to a stop.

So what if some people are fat! Does it make them less of a human? Why ostracize this group of people?

Yes, it is true that it is not healthy for one to be overweight - leave it as that.

Anyway, I had to make my point to the fitness centre so that they can be more sensitive towards others.

I shall key off now. Nice weather to sleep in tonight. Hopefully my tummy will not give me any problem later.

"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

Stand Firm!

My tummy has been hurting badly again since last evening. I resisted jabbing myself but in the end I had to when I came home about half an hour ago. It is frustrating but thanks be to God anyway.

I was with some friends at this place called Timbre - we went to listen to a gig and had a time of fellowship there. It was great catching up with them but my tummy was causing a lot of discomfort though and my heart was troubled over a few things. I tried to put them aside and I praise the Lord for allowing me to do that most of the time when I was with them.

This morning I sent my dog to the veterinarian to have her last of three jabs. While I left her at the clinic, I went to buy some groceries for the dinner that I was to cook for my family. When I was at Hougang Mall, I met two church friends at Yakun by coincidence and we chatted for a while.

I went to collect Sasha after that. I bathed her when we reached home and I did some work before cooking dinner.

I napped for a while immediately after, before I left to meet my friends for dinner and also to Timbre.

As I was typing the above paragraphs, there is this voice telling me that I have a condemned body and there will be no future for me.

Well, that voice may be true but what is the worst that can happen to me? The most this 'condemned' body will die but I shall look forward to that day because then I would be given a new body when God accepts me into His Kingdom.

Whether God wants to heal me or not, I shall leave it to Him.

I shall try to sleep now. To God be all thanks and praise for today! He still saw me through the day despite of all the inconveniences I have to face with my ulcer.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:4-5

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

Burden For One's Life

My heart suddenly grieves deeply for a sister whom I cherish a lot.

I was moved to come before God's throne of grace just now to pray for this dear sibling-in-Christ. In fact I have been interceding for her several times daily. I believe many in church have also been praying for her that she will come back to the Lord.

I dreamt of her in my nap just now - she was in her jovial self asking me how I was. I was elated when I saw her but when I woke up, I realised it was not real. My heart just sank.

I pleaded with the Lord once again that He protects my sister's life (spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically). I wish I could do more but I do not know how except to pray.

Sometimes I also do not know how else to pray for her but I am thankful to God for reminding me that the Holy Spirit is interceding for my sister. I guess He knows what my sister's struggles are. I also know she will come back to God one day because praying for someone to come back to the Lord is definitely in accordance to God's will. Surely God will answer my prayers!

I will claim that in my heart. I want to share this because this is a part of my pilgrim's journey that I am going through now. I have been sad since the day I heard about my sister's struggles in her faith and I will continue to feel this way till the day the Lord brings her back into the fellowship of her brothers and sisters-in-Christ.

Because of that I am pressing on, never ceasing to remember her daily as I pray. The hope I have in God has also brought peace in me. It is a burden that I do not mind carrying because this life is so precious to me; to those who know her; and even more to God.

I will stop here for now.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18

Pray At All Times

I came back not too long ago from a dinner with a very dear friend of mine. We went to Brewertz Restaurant. She gave me a treat and I want to thank God for His blessings through her.

I had a wonderful time of fellowship with my friend as we feasted over BBQ ribs, chicken leg, mussels and also assorted sausages. We had planned to go to a chocolate cafe in Robertson Quay after dinner for dessert but we had lots to talk till we lost track of time.

We were so stuffed that we decided to walk from Clarke Quay to City Hall MRT Station. During the walk, my friend tripped but I thank God she did not fall and hurt herself. She commented immediately after that that she was 'drunk' - it was funny when she said it because at a glance when I saw the whole thing, it really looked like she was a drunkard. Hee. Anyway, we laughed it off and went on our way. Incidents that sometimes God allowed to make His creation laugh over their clumsy actions. :) I had to write this as it was one of two funny encounters I experienced today.

When I came back I let Sasha out of her dog-house so that she can relieve herself. Relieved she did - in such great amount that a dry desert land could turn into an ocean. It is amazing how she can pee so much. I praise the Lord that she is beginning to put to good practice all the lessons I taught her with regards to paper-training. She can aim better now when urinating but for times when she needs to defecate, she still does it around the papers rather than on them. Well, this is just into the second week of training - I pray she will perfect her toilet skills in time to come.

The other funny scene happened while I was waiting for my friend at Clarke Quay MRT. A lady approached and asked me whether I was waiting for someone. I said I was and she started introducing herself - thinking that I was her 'blind' date. When I told her I was waiting for my friend, she realised that she got the wrong person. I smiled at her and told her it was alright.

Her date finally came and I kind of figured why she mistook me for him - he was also wearing a striped Polo-T except that his stripes were thinner and the colour was biege while mine was brown. I was laughing to myself because this is the first time I encountered a couple on a 'blind' date. I said a word of prayer for the lady that the mistake she made did not embarrass her to the point where she could not enjoy herself tonight with her new friend. I hope the both of them had a good time together.

I promised to share more about the lessons I learnt from yesterday's sermon on praying in the Spirit. Well, it has challenged me to pray even more for my life and also the people whom I know and do not know.

Sometimes I really have no clue whatsoever as to how to pray for myself and the people around me. Because of that I occasionally gave up praying but now I told myself even if I do not know how to pray, the Holy Spirit living in me will intercede on my behalf. That is a great comfort - at least I know God will still hear my prayers however vague they may be.

I thank God for a blessed day He has given me though I am still struggling with my pilgrim's journey.

"Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:21-22

Keep On Praying

I just saw my God-Parents off at the airport. They came and left so fast. I did not really have the opportunity to spend as much time with them as I would like to. But I still want to praise God for the moments spent together especially with my God-Ma.

She has been a real blessing to me and I praise the Lord for that. It is amazing to know a God-fearing and humble person like her. Her self-less giving has also been a great testimony to me and many! Praise the Lord for her!

Well, I hope they will come back again soon and hopefully there will be more opportunities to catch up and bond with them.

Before I left for the airport, a dear friend of mine along with her mum and sisters came by to meet Sasha as they are considering buying a dog for my friend's grandma. I met all of them at the void-deck. I felt very bad for not inviting them to my flat.

I filled them in on all the information needed about owning a dog. I hope it did help in their decision-making.

Just now I was teaching my doggy some simple commands and she listened and obeyed them. I asked her to sit and she sat; I asked her to stay and she obediently listened. I hope to teach her more in time to come.

Anyway, the main thing I want to share today is the worship-leading session at yesterday's 11:15am service. God is good once again. He never fails to amaze me.

I was spending some time in the church office praying and gathering my thoughts for the session. Then a brother came in and asked what I was doing. I shared about how ill-prepared and anxious I was.

Without a moment of hesitation, he sat down in front of me, held my hands and prayed for me and against any works of the evil one. I felt very much at peace after that. The best part was the sermon yesterday was focused on praying in the spirit.

I do not know about the rest but I felt the presence of the Lord in the midst of the congregation. While we were singing the closing song, "Keep On Praying", I cried as my heart went out to the church (that the people will not be contented with the state they are in now but to yearn for more in their knowledge of God) and also to someone I love dearly (who is struggling with her faith at this time).

The preacher shared that when one does not know how else to pray for a situation or person, the Spirit will intercede on our behalf and the prayers will surely be answered.

I do not know whether I heard this phrase right from the preacher. He said, "Prayer is a human effort in which the Holy Spirit will turn it into a divine purpose." I hope I heard it correctly. I shall verify and should there be any mistake made I will amend them accordingly.

As I am typing this very sentence my eyes are already struggling to stay opened. I think I shall end here and share more later.

I just want to conclude that God is a Person who listens to us all and I will take comfort in that as I continue in my pilgrim's journey.

I will share more of the sermon in my next blog.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Trust In The Lord

I planned to wake up at 7am so that I can go to church earlier to prepare for the praise and worship session but by 6am I was already wide awake.

I woke up with a heavy heart – still feel not prepared to lead the worship session and I have to say I am panicking a little. Usually I do not feel this way but I guess I have to live with it and surrender this insecurity into God’s hand and trust that He will lead me accordingly.

How apt that one of the songs I will be singing is “Still”.

Still

Verse 1:
Hide me now, under Your wings.
Cover me, within Your mighty hands.

Chorus:
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God!

Verse 2:
Find rest, my soul, in Christ alone,
Know His power, in quietness and trust.

I think later I need to find some time to be still and know that God is God and let Him just use me accordingly.

I could not write my blog last night as I was at a wedding banquet in Shangri-La Hotel. By the time I reached home it was already past midnight. Then I had to prepare some last-minute stuff for the worship session.

I was exhausted after that and decided to sleep.

Yesterday morning I was at MacRitchie reservoir just reflecting on how again God has been gracious and merciful to me. I am thankful to Him that my ulcer is benign. God has been good to me all these while whenever I am faced with a health scare. Truly, thanks be to Him for always being there taking care of me.

In two weeks’ time, I may have to go for a surgery. I basically submitted that to Him. I trust that God will guide the hands of the surgeon and allow the procedure to go smoothly.

Well, I shall stop here for now. One of those times in my pilgrim’s journey that I have no confidence in myself whatsoever in leading the praise and worship. Looking at it now again, I do not think it is a bad thing – perhaps God wants me to trust in God alone and basically avail myself as an instrument.

I know everything is going to be alright in Christ!

I will write more in the later part of the day how everything turned out. May God be my help in time of need.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Strength In Weakness

I just came back from the Worship Team rehearsal. I did not feel right throughout the practice and I was quite bothered by that. I also do not know why suddenly I just could not focus my eyes on God when throughout the week I was looking forward to this day and also on Sunday.

My heart did not feel right physically - felt kind of congested just now during the rehearsal. This morning I woke up with a sharp pain but it subsided as quickly as it appeared.

Well, I guess I just have to pray and trust that God will make all things right by Sunday. I am totally not prepared.

Perhaps it was a spiritual attack. Anyway, I believe God will protect me accordingly.

I went to collect my medical report this afternoon. I will probably be scheduled for a surgery (called laporoscopic treatment) in two weeks' time. It is a keyhole procedure where an incision will be made near or through my belly button. The device inserted will apparently burn the ulcer and it should eradicate the problem once and for all. I hope it will as I am very exhausted having to deal with one health issue to another.

For now I am on H2-Blockers (to reduce acid build-up) and anti-biotics (to destroy the H-pylori bacterium) medications.

The biopsy result confirmed that my ulcer is benign. Praise the Lord for that and for everything mentioned above.

Well, my life is in God's hands - I will let Him do whatever He deems appropriate.

There are a lot of friends asking me not to worry about this and that. Easier said than done especially when it involves people. Yes, there is the avenue of prayer but isn't prayer coming before the Lord with a heavy heart? I cannot help it but to be affected at times. I have submitted everything I could unto God's throne of grace but that does not mean I totally have no feelings whatsoever for the people I am burdened for.

That is why sometimes I wish God could just give me a cold heart but I know deep down He did not create me that way as this is not the image of God. So long as I have a heart, I will continue to feel for everyone I know and love.

I am drained. I feel very punctured today. However I know tomorrow I will be better. My God-sister shared this with me once that when she is not okay today, tomorrow she will be better. It is true because every new day is a brand new start. The Lord will refresh!

The song below brought some peace in my heart. It reminded me that I need to surrender my life to Jesus who is the Lover of my soul.

Jesus, Lover Of My Soul

Verse 1:
Jesus, lover of my soul.
All consuming fire is in Your gaze.
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days.
For no one else in history is like you
and history itself belongs to you.
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
and I will share eternity with You.

Chorus:
It's all about You, Jesus
and all this is for You;
for Your glory and your fame.
It's not about me
as if You should do things my way.
You alone are God
and I surrender to your ways.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Giving Thanks In All Circumstances?

I came back not too long ago from the breakwaters of East Coast Parkway. I decided to spend some time in quiet with the Lord. Tomorrow I will be receiving my medical report and I really have no idea what it is going to be. No denial that I am anxious but I told myself and prayed to the Lord that I should not let this affect or discourage me.

I am thankful to God for my favourite verses from Philippians 4:6-7. It allowed me to get my perspective right especially about anxieties where I should channel them to God in prayer with thanksgiving in my heart.

Over the years I have learnt to give thanks for the trials I face. It is never easy to have that kind of attitude but it sure allowed me to see things differently. In learning to give thanks for the circumstances I go through allows me to do the followings:-

1) It helps me understand that trials and struggles are faced by every one in this world and that I should not just see it as if I am the only one suffering. It stops me from complaining that life is unfair because there are others who may be going through situations far worst than me. It basically stops me from being sceptical.

2) In realising the above first point allows me to open and share my struggles with my siblings-in-Christ. It is important that support from the spiritual family be sought after so that we need not have to fight the battle alone.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:10-12

3) It also reminds me that this life I live is not mine but God's. If He allows something to happen in this journey I am going through then surely He, being faithful and just, will provide a way out for me as well - sometimes that way out may even be death. But what is death? For Christians, it should not be a word to be fearful of. Instead we should look forward to the day we breathe our last as it would mean us being with God in eternity where there is no more struggles and strife.

4) To give thanks also teaches me to find peace and serenity in turmoil. I am not saying that I have attained this goal already but a true test of a person's faith in God is the ability to give thanks in difficult circumstances and continue to live life to the fullest. Not shaken but strengthened.

5) Having a heart of thanksgiving allows me to be still and know that God is God! Having that knowledge will then allow me to place my struggles before His throne of grace - to let Him, in His time, bring healing in my life. I basically have to let go and let God.

One of the songs I sang to the Lord just now was "Be Magnified". The words are below...

Be Magnified

Verse 1:
I have made You too small in my eyes,
O Lord, forgive me.
And I have believed in a lie,
that You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong,
heal my heart and show Yourself strong.
And in my eyes and with my song,
O Lord, be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

Chorus:
Be magnified, O Lord.
You are highly exalted!
And there is nothing You can't do,
O Lord, my eyes are on You,
be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

Verse 2:
I have leaned on the wisdom of men,
O Lord, forgive me.
And I have responded to them,
instead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong,
heal my heart and show Yourself strong.
And in my eyes and with my song,
O Lord, be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.

I truly want God to be magnified in my life regardless of the highs and lows of the adventures I am going to face or facing. May He be my help.

Before I went to Marine Parade, I was with my God-Ma at Vivocity - she wanted to check the place out and I followed her around. We had tea and it was a great time catching up with her. She also encouraged me regarding my medical appointment tomorrow.

In the morning I was with a dear friend for a run at the park opposite my place. This is my second attempt in running after a long spell of injuries to my knees. I praise the Lord for the knee brace that my God-sister got for me last year. It has helped to secure my joints better as I run and it has also allowed me to pursue this passion since I was allowed to exercise about 1 1/2 years ago.

After the run, I introduced Sasha to my friend and we walked the dog and also played with it for a while at the carpark.

My friend is a little scared of dogs because she was bitten once when she was 7 years old, I hope Sasha will allow my friend to overcome this fear. I realised having a dog can be quite therapeutic.

Oh yah, Sasha has also allowed me to interact with strangers along the streets when I walk her to do her usual stuff.

I spoke to a lady in her sixties where she told me that she is also a Christian. She shared about her life and how she longs for her children to be closer to her, not in proximity, but in relationship. I told her I will pray for her and she invited me to go to her place one day, which is the block just next to mine.

I also spoke to a young mother today, This is the second time I saw her. The first was a couple of days back when she was with her son. I allowed Sasha to play with them and her son enjoyed the time. I hope to see her son again and I pray there will be ministry opportunity to invite them to church.

I am glad Sasha is my ministry partner in allowing me to interact with people. :)

I shall end here. Never knew I had written so much. Just could not help doing so because there are just so many things to share about God's goodness and the everyday encounters of life and people.

To God be the glory for everything!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thesslonians 5:16-18

God Forgives

Today is the first day of Lent. It is a season of 40 days, not counting Sundays, which begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Holy Saturday (the day after Good Friday).

‘Lent’ comes from the word ‘lencten’, which means ‘spring’. The reason is a preparation for celebrating Easter.

Historically, Lent began as a period of fasting and preparation for baptism by converts and then became a time for penance by all Christians. It is a time to think about things that we have done wrong and spend time with God acknowledging our sins.

I attended the Ash Wednesday service just now. I wanted to start off this season listening to God’s Word for guidance. I thank Him for the message where the speaker was urging the congregation to consider confessing our sins (specifying each and every one of them) to God daily and not to treat it lightly but with the desire to repent.

Throughout the time spent in the sanctuary, I had this sense of peace and assurance that God is always ready to forgive us when we, ourselves, are ready to confess. God always wants to forgive and heal us hence, this is a period to ask God to help us change from doing things that are wrong, to doing things that are right in His sight.

There are times when we feel that God may not forgive some of the sins we have because of the notion that they are more serious than the other sins committed. I believe a sin is a sin and there are no such things as one being more serious than the other.

When Christ died on the cross, He did not die for some but for all. He died for all of man’s sins and not some. I am reminding myself not to listen to the lies of the evil one where he may cast doubts in me about the grace and mercy of God. He is impartial.

I hope to use this season to strengthen my faith in God and also in my knowledge of what forgiveness and repentance is. This is part of the pilgrim’s journey that I will practice annually so that I can constantly renew myself in the Lord and also to grow deeper in my desire to live a life of godliness and holiness.

Just now when I was praying, I already had this accusing voice telling me whether I could keep to my words and really repent. I admit it will be an uphill task but it is not impossible if I trust God to run along with me and help me.

Well, I am looking forward to the remaining 39 days of Lent. I will share more of my thoughts in the following days when God teaches me more from His Word.

I want to update on Grace’s condition now. The family may decide to pull the plug off the respiratory machine if she does not wake up from her coma tomorrow (LA time). It is a tough decision they have to make and I pray God will guide them accordingly.

In the midst of this sad incident, there is joyous news as well. Grace’s husband accepted Jesus Christ as His Lord and Saviour today! Praise the Lord!!! Gilbert is also ready to let his wife go.

You know, I still want to believe in miracles. So long as Grace is not declared dead by the doctor, I will still pray for healing. If God allows, He can and will bring Grace out of her coma.

I believe God’s hand has been with the family all these while though it is difficult to comprehend how that can be so.

There are a couple of young adults from my church who is in Los Angeles now holidaying. They have taken time off to be with the family. They have been praying for Grace and singing hymns. Another sister-in-Christ, who is doing her post-graduate studies in L.A., has been spending time with the family too – driving them around to handle certain matters.

I see the above-mentioned as an avenue to the family not to deal with this time of pain and struggles alone. Instead He has provided these brothers and sisters-in-Christ to be there with them - to provide their shoulders for those affected to cry on and to support them.

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:1-12

“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:16-17

Trusting God In Difficult Times

This morning I got news from a brother-in-Christ that his sister-in-law, Grace, who had Pulmonary Embolism while travelling to Los Angeles, had a flatliner for 8 minutes when the doctor operated on her, in an attempt to remove the blood clot.

The doctors managed to revive her but her condition has taken a turn for the worse. During the surgery, it was also found out that her lungs are badly damaged. The only hope for Grace is basically a heart and lung transplant which is not easily available due to the complex conditions involved.

My heart also went out to Grace's husband who is very distraught from this unexpected situation. My brother-in-Christ and his wife are trying to provide support to him as much as possible.

Throughout the whole day my mind was on Grace and her husband. I do not know them but I just could not help it but to keep praying for them. I also interceded for my brother-in-Christ and his wife. I pray the Lord will be there for them and give them discernment and wisdom as to certain decisions they may have to make soon.

I really do not know what God's plan is for the above-mentioned. Sometimes it is exactly in situations like this that one wonders why it had to happen. I hope the Lord will show every one involved in this directly (Grace's family) and indirectly (those interceding for them) His purpose.

I find it hard to write the other activities I had for the day because of the above incident. Today is actually a busy day for me. In the morning I had to go to a sister-in-Christ's house for a Chinese New Year (CNY) visitation. On my way, I decided to buy the 'Yu Sheng' (a CNY dish consisting of salmon fish slices with different sorts of vegetables and condiments). There were a couple other church friends at her place and together we had fun mixing all the ingredients together and eating the delicious dish.

I had to rush next to Legends Country Club to meet the running gang for our annual CNY get-together. We had 'dim sum' and the 'Yu Sheng.' I always enjoy the fellowship with my brothers and sisters-in-Christ as we feasted together as one big God's family.

By the time I reached home, it was already evening. I brought my doggy, Sasha, out for a walk. As I strolled around my estate, I used the time to pray for a few people. My heart was very heavy as I interceded for them but I was also assured that they are safe in the arms of God. Whatever I cannot do for these my friends (because of my limited human ability and shortcomings), I trust the Lord, in His surpassing power, to help them.

I just realised I have hit my 100th article of this blog I started on 12 November last year. Thanks be to God for allowing me to share so many of His goodness in spite of the struggles and trials I have to go through.

It is tough to travel this pilgrim's journey. Having the assurance though that I have God by my side, I know I will be able to complete them when my time here on earth is up. It has been a great adventure so far - I pray the Lord will help me look forward to the many more mountains, plateaus and valleys ahead of me.

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:1-3

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:11-12

Hey! I Am Sasha!

Hi everyone! My name is Sasha. I am a Silky Terrier.

I was born on 20 November 2006. I am exactly three months old today! Yay!

My parents are Australians. G'day, mate! I would love to remain in Australia with my mummy and daddy but the breeders decided to send me to Singapore instead. I just got my Permanent Residence status.

Wow! Memorising the pledge and the National Anthem was not easy especially since I have an Ozzie slang.

My owner, Andy, bought me on 16 February 2007 so that I can keep his grandmother company. I heard his grandma had wanted a dog for a real long time already.

They have yet to know what they are in for, now that they have me! Heh! Heh!

This is me being carried by Andy's brother, Alvin.

Being a pup, I am still too short for the camera so got no choice but to ask him to lift me up.

So malu-fying!

Hey! Hey! My first Singlish!

I cannot stop biting things.

Please don't ask me why.

A dog has to do what a dog has to do.

I am cute, right?

I hope I can find a handsome husband in Singapore.

This is my new house. It has a 99-Year Lease only.

I tried to find a freehold property but too expensive.

As you can see, I am a Die-Hard Liverpudlian - just like my owner!

Liverpool Fans Forever!

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE, Mate!

Alritey! Time to go! I thought I show you another of my picture.

I am pretty, right?

Come on, don't deny it!

I think I will buy a mirror and hang it somewhere in my house. Need to admire myself every now and then.

Okie dokes! Till we meet again, rauf! rauf!

Eh, that's a dog language for "bye! bye!"

Die la, I am using Andy's blog to introduce myself to all of you.

Hey! Hey! My second Singlish for the day!

I hope my owner will not turn me into a HOT-DOG!

God Is Always Near

This afternoon I went to Mustafa Shopping Centre to buy some groceries for the family. It poured heavily when I was done with my shopping.

As I was running across the road to catch a bus, I almost fell if not for some Indian workers who were standing near the aluminium steps where the near-accident happened. They grabbed hold of me tightly and I was able regain my balance.

I am grateful to God for sending these angels to me. If not for them I would have hurt my back and head badly as I was already at the top of the stairs.

I thanked my saviours and they basically smiled back and asked whether I was okay.

Truly I praise the Lord for His grace and mercy and also His protection upon me.

In the evening while I was walking Sasha on her routine of relieving herself, I met a couple, staying on the second level of the neighbouring block, frantically looking for their 10-month old Maltese.

They were busy entertaining some guests that they did not realize their dog, Clover, had sneaked out of the flat.

I decided to help the couple. I ‘told’ Sasha that we would go look for Clover first and that she had to hold her plans to relieve herself.

As the couple was at the ground floor conducting the search, I decided to head for the third and subsequent floors instead. I prayed and asked the Lord to use my new-found companion and I to locate the puppy. I was hoping the small bell around Sasha’s neck would attract Clover out of his hiding.

When we were on the fourth level, Sasha was walking ahead of me. When she reached a turn on the block, there was a bark. I quickly pulled her back with the retractable leash. I went forward. Lo and behold, Clover was there.

I grabbed hold of him immediately. With Clover in one hand and Sasha in the other, I went down to the ground floor to look for the couple. After a few minutes, I saw them. The lady, Angela, ran towards her doggy and gave him a big hug while her husband, Justin, shook my hand numerous times – thankful that Sasha had found Clover.

They handed me a red-packet containing S$50 and Justin said it was for Sasha. I was so jealous that my doggy had a reward and not me. I was the one who thought of the idea of going up instead of down and yet Sasha got the credit. Sigh. :) Anyway, I will use the money to buy some toys for her to play with.

After the saga, Sasha went on with her ‘business’ and the floodgates truly opened when she found a spot to relieve herself.

It is quite interesting to know that it takes a dog to find another.

The above-mentioned basically reminded me of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. If the couple could leave all things (even their guests) and go look for their dog, I am sure God will do likewise to locate those of His children who have gone missing.

Just like Angela and Justin who ran forward to hug Clover, I have no doubt that God, when He has found one of His missing children, would run to him and embrace him in His caring and loving arms.

Even at this moment as I type this blog, I am sure God is roaming everywhere locating His missing sons and daughters.

I sure hope He will find all of them soon.

What an eventful second day of the Lunar New Year. Thanks be to God for everything.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Resting In God's Love And Abundant Blessings

The pain in my tummy got quite bad in the late afternoon that I had to ask my dad to fetch me to the hospital for a jab. Today's one is quite unbearable and it is the worst I have experienced so far.

I do not know why it is not getting any better and I cannot deny that I am not anxious. There is this voice telling me that the medical report to be released on Friday will not be a good one.

I do not know what else to do except to pray for God to prepare my heart for everything that the doctor will be revealing to me. Seriously speaking I cannot do anything else. I just prayed for God to help me give thanks. If I do not have this attitude then whatever news I will be receiving this Friday will bring about bitterness and discouragement in me.

I hope this week the Lord will protect me against any doubts that the devil may be placing in my heart. I need to prepare for this Sunday's 11:15am praise and worship session - frankly I have to admit that my heart is not prepared or focused because of the inconveniences and struggles I have with the ulcer and also I feel I am not right with a few people. I pray this week the Lord will guide me accordingly in all I do. I hope to glorify Him in my service to Him and His people.

I praise the Lord for allowing me to attend the combined service this morning. The passage from Ephesians 3:14-20 allowed me to remember the followings which are applicable in the current struggle I have with my health. I learnt:-

a) The need to be built up and strengthened by the Holy Spirit - basically to train my inner being in such a way that I will tap on the strength of the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) to help me overcome everything that I face in this life I live;

b) To always seek God first in my life. In doing so, naturally He will bless me beyond what I could ever imagine. I do not have to be concerned with the worries of this life but to place my total trust in Him;

c) To be rooted in Christ's love. The devil or the struggles of life may put me down momentarily but in knowing the full extent of God's love in my life, I will not let all these affect me. I can basically find comfort in His love and trust that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

I am glad I remembered all the above-mentioned when I was heading for the hospital. The exterior part of me was grimacing in pain but in me there was serenity - basically finding comfort in God's caring and loving arms.

The whole afternoon and evening were spent entertaining my relatives. I tried my very best to put up with the discomfort of my tummy. Praise the Lord He was able to pull me through till now.

Day Three of having to take care of Sasha was one of patience and constant affirmation that she was doing well with the instructions and trainings I was giving her. She finally learnt to poo on the grass patch this evening. I was so elated when I saw the droppings though they were unsightly and needless to say, smelly. Having to pick them up with a plastic bag was also a humbling experience for me.

I give thanks to God for this day. He is still as good and faithful as ever!

Here's wishing all a God-Blessed Lunar New Year! Xing Nian Guai Le!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." Ephesians 3:14-20

Remembering Those In Need

I feel like a Martha today - running around buying stuff in the morning for the reunion dinner. Then came home to prepare all the ingredients. Around 6pm I started cooking all the dishes. By 7:30pm, my family along with my uncle and cousins feasted together. After that it was the cleaning up.

It felt good when I had a shower. In the above paragraph, I mentioned I was like a Martha. I am not trying to dispute the lesson that is being taught in the Bible about Mary and Martha but today being so busy and all, having to do this and that, I did not for a moment forget about God. In fact, I sought for His help and guidance throughout.

Now that everything is over and reflecting on what had happened, I give praise to God for having made this day an enjoyable one for my family and relatives. I am glad all enjoyed the food prepared. Hallelujah!

As I was eating just now with every one, I was reminded of those who may not be as fortunate as my family and I. I know of a brother-in-Christ whose mother just passed away; a sister-in-Christ whose sister-in-law is in ICU now in Los Angeles because she suddenly fell sick and her condition is serious; a mother featured in The New Paper whose doctor-son (whom she worked so hard to send him to medical school) and daughter-in-law kicked her out of the house after she refused to give up her job as a cleaner because it was deemed as an embarrassing vocation to them.

I believe there are many others in Singapore who are in the same plight as them. I hope the Lord will continue to be by their side, comforting them with His love and care.

My heart is also burdened for a few other people whom I cherish a lot. I will always remember them in my prayers daily.

Well, my tummy still gave me problems throughout the day but God is always good to sustain me through the discomfort. I am contented that at the end of each day, I am still able to praise Him. This is simply a testimony of God's grace and mercy upon my life.

Day Two of owning a dog is no joke - Sasha is cute, active and adorable but as she is still not toilet-trained, she defecated and urinated in places other than the designated spot. It can be quite frustrating but I believe she will learn her lesson soon. She did a couple of times at the correct spot so that is a good sign.

"For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death." Psalm 72:12-13

Life Is All About Training

After many months of deliberation, I decided to give in to my grandma's persistent request to buy a dog. I got the breed she wanted - The Silky Terrier.

This three-month old pup, borned on 20 November 2006, is like a new addition to the Chew family. A new member of the household. An extra mouth to feed. An added responsibility like that of taking care of a new-born baby. I do not know what I have got myself into but I shall trust that the Lord will help me and my family as we welcome in this four-legged friend from Australia.

The whole day revolves around Sasha. My brother gave her this name. I had to house-train her a few things - the main one being toilet-training. It is definitely not easy - I asked her to do it at the designated spot and she did it elsewhere. I had to use a newspaper to soak up the urine and place it on the very spot I want her to do her 'business.' I was told this would take a while - I guess there will lots of mopping to do the next few days.

I am thankful that this puppy does not bark much but she is so playful!!! Likes to nibble on people's toes. A couple of times we allowed her to do so but other times, we had to be firm and she would retreat when our voices are raised. I just bought a book on "Silky Terrier - A Comprehensive Guide To Owning and Caring For Your Dog." I hope I will be able to use the instructions to train Sasha.

I just learnt something from the whole interaction with Sasha today - that my life is similar to that of this doggy... not saying I am like a dog but more so the 'right' things that she is supposed to do but not doing. Sometimes I also do that - God tells me to do this and in the end, I went the other way.

I guess my life is about training myself towards godliness and holy living. Occasionally I will choose to rebel because of my human nature but eventually if I get myself back on track again, I will learn precious lessons in which I will grow to become that masterpiece that God has planned me to be. It takes time - slowly but surely God will change my life.

I came home not too long ago as I was out in Chinatown to do some last-minute shopping of new year goodies for my relatives. I also needed to change some money for a dear friend. Initially the rate given to me was not satisfactory. In my heart I prayed and asked God to speak to the money-changer. Since I had been patronising him for so long, he decided to give me a good rate. After getting the approval from my friend, I changed the money. Praise the Lord that even in money matters, He can play a part in blessing me and my friend with a good deal.

Well, tomorrow is the eve of the Lunar New Year - a whole of day of cooking for the reunion dinner. Looking forward to it. I was hoping for my God-parents to join us in the feasting but they decided to stay on in Penang for a couple more day. I guess when they come back on Tuesday, I will cook another feast for them.

My tummy gave me some problems a couple of times through the day but thanks be to God for sustaining me till now.

I shall end here. I've got some more spring-cleaning to do!

"Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe." 1 Timothy 4:7-10

The Parable Of The One-Arm Swordman

I promised to share about the Parable of the One-Arm Swordman two days ago. I am thinking twice now because I do not know whether the message will make an impact as it did when I attended the "Into The Word" course two days ago. I pray it will still.

Here goes the parable...

"There once lived a swordman. He was so good that he eventually went up the rung of the kung-fu world and became the head of all the swordmen.

Then came an evil swordman. He fought and killed all the other swordmen till it was left with the leader.

The final duel between the two was fought on a mountain. Swords drawn and the fight started. Ultimately, the leader was defeated. The evil swordman triumphed!

Just before the head swordman died, he called for his son and instructed him to go to another mountain to look for his uncle. He asked his son to learn all the kung-fu skills from his uncle so that when he has mastered them, he will avenge for the head swordman by killing the evil swordman. After saying that, the leader died.

His son began his journey to the mountain and after days of travelling, he finally found the hut where his uncle was staying. The uncle asked him why he had come and the son explained that his father had asked him to learn kung-fu from him. Upon hearing that, he told the young man that he had already retired from the kung-fu scene and asked him to leave. After saying that, the uncle went back into the hut.

The son refused to leave and knelt outside the gate and pleaded for his uncle to impart his skills to him. The uncle refused. Then the rain came. The young man was drenched but he was still on his knees.

Morning came and when the uncle peered out of the wooden window, he noticed that his nephew was still on his knees. Taking pity on him, he invited the man into his hut. The nephew pleaded for the last time. The uncle relented and decided to teach him what he knew. But he told the young man this, "My disciple, you must trust me." He nodded and the training commenced.

The two men began sparring with each other using their swords. Half-way through it, the uncle chopped off the right arm of the young man. The nephew was stunned and questioned his uncle for having done that. He told his uncle that the arm chopped off was his master-hand. The uncle replied, "Do you still trust me?" After much deliberation, his nephew nodded his head.

Days, weeks and months passed and finally the training came to an end. The young man had mastered all the skills needed to fight the evil swordman. He thanked his uncle and went down the mountain to look for that swordman who killed his father.

He found his father's murderer and challenged him to a duel. Again they went up to a mountain top and the fight began. Ultimately, the young one-arm swordman slayed the evil swordman. He had avenged for his father."

So what is the moral of the story. Christians of today need to use more of their left hand to defeat the devil! "Huh? What outrageous statement is that?" You may ask.

The speaker, Benny Ho, who was teaching about the Holy Spirit basically shared that the evil swordman was killed because he was not used to fighting with another swordman wielding a weapon with his left hand. This move threw him off and eventually he was killed.

Brother Benny reminded us that the devil has always been using the same schemes and ploys to defeat Christians all across the world. Some were defeated. Those still standing, he challenged us to use more of our left hand to fight. One solution is to engage the Holy Spirit in us to assist and teach us the ways.

Many times we Christians forget that the Holy Spirit is living in us. Whenever we are faced with trials or doubts, we tend to fight the battle alone. But now, Brother Benny wants Christians to tap on the power of the Holy Spirit. Together we can overcome the devil's tricks. By the way, do not forget that the devil had been defeated the day Christ died for all on the cross. But that does not mean he is not out there creating havoc.

I do not know whether the above-mentioned makes sense. Whether it did or not, it does not matter. What matters is that it kept me thinking of the warning that Brother Benny made. It is true that the devil has always been using the same old methods to cast doubts in the lives of God's children and it is equally true that many of us have fallen into his traps.

I pray I will always be on my guard against the works of the evil one. I am not going to fight him alone - with God and also my siblings-in-Christ's help, I will not let the devil take this salvation that God has given me. I will also help my brothers and sisters-in-Christ in this fight. Together we will press on in our walk till the day God is ready to take us to be with Him.

I went for a jog early in the morning. It felt good to do that again. No pain after the exercise. I guess I will not push my left knee too much yet. I shall strengthen my leg muscles first before attempting to go longer distrance. I told the Lord that I love running - in His grace and mercy, I hope He will heal my knee completely so that I can exercise regularly by running. :)

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:10-12

God Never Short-Changes

This morning when I woke up, there was this very strong urge to call Shay's parents. I do not know why and how but I just felt I needed to talk to them to find out how they are.

When I reached the office, I went up to the rooftop to spend some time in prayer, seeking the Lord as to whether I should make the call or not. I told God if He wants me to talk to them, He would provide me their contact numbers.

I would not call the hospital as I knew there is the patient's confidentiality clause where no information would be given to the public except to the immediate family members.

The next avenue that came to mind was to call the church that Shay's parents worship in. This will be the only option where I would try. If it fails, then I would take that as a 'no' from the Lord.

I asked God to give me words of comfort should I managed to get in touch with the couple.

At around 9am, I contacted the church's office and I explained to the staff who picked up my call why I requested for the telephone number. I gave her Shay's parents' names. I thank God she agreed to it and I was given the boy's father's mobile number.

I called Jonathan during lunch-time. I introduced myself to him and immediately he remembered me as the guy who gave his son the colouring crafts. I apologised to him for having requested the church for his number and I also sent him my condolences.

We talked for about 10 minutes. I was updated on how Shay passed away. He basically contracted pneumonia on the eve of the new year. He was admitted after the doctor found out that his left kidney has collapsed. The doctor gave him all the necessary treatment but it did not help. His right kidney got infected and on 3 January, that one kidney also collapsed. He passed away on the morning of 4 January at 2:12am.

Jonathan told me Shay did not cry a bit when he was going through his last hours. I guess the reason for that was due to the fact that Jesus was by his side. I comforted Jonathan with those words.

Before we hung up, Jonathan told me his wife is expecting and the baby will be due in June. When I heard that, I knew God is good and faithful to have done this for the couple. I hope the baby will be delivered on 9 June. I wonder why. :)

That is the nature of this Almighty God whom I am worshipping. He never short-changes His children though sometimes we feel He does. If God wants to short-change us, He would not have, in the first place, given us His one and only Son to die for our sins. He could have given us the next best but He did not. He gave us His BEST; His most beloved!

Shay's death has reminded me of one song that I heard from yesterday's "Into The Word" session. Below are the words...

When It's All Been Said And Done

Verse 1:
When it's all been said and done,
there is just one thing that matters.
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?

Verse 2:
When it's all been said and done,
all my treasures will mean nothing.
Only what I've done for love's reward
will stand the test of time.

Chorus:
Lord Your mercy is so great
that You look beyond our weakness
and find purest gold in miry clay;
turning sinners into saints.

I will always sing Your praise
here on earth and ever after;
for You've shown me Heaven's my true home.
When it's all been said and done,
You're my life when life is gone.

At the end of my pilgrim's journey when it's all been said and done, what matters is whether I have lived my life for God, regardless of whether sometimes I feel He had been unfair or unjust.

I want to constantly remind myself (with the assistance of the Holy Spirit in me) that since I have made Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, I must believe that He will do what is best for me in this life I live.

What God has done in Shay's parents' lives is a testimony of how He does not leave us in a lurch after He had put us through a trying period. He will be there for us all the way. If you do not believe, stick with Him through your trials and you will testify for yourself that God Never Fails!

I want to take comfort in the above encounter with Shay's parents. I am going through a lot of pain and discomfort now but I am going to trust my God to pull me through it - be it physical healing or ultimate healing, so be it. May His will be done. Surely He can hear my cries and plea for help!

Looks like I have to postpone the sharing of the parable I promised. I will do so tomorrow.

Today being Valentine's Day where love is the theme of the day, may it remind us all of God's love in our lives.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12

Life Goes On

I have a couple of things to share in this blog and it is going to be a long write-up.

I am very tired physically and emotionally - first of all, I did not have enough sleep; the other reason is the medical check-up I had to go through the whole afternoon.

I was admitted into the Day Ward. The doctors and nurses ran a series of tests for my ulcer. I had blood, urine and stool samples taken from me. They did a biopsy where they took some tissue samples too. An Upper Gastrointestinal Endoscopy was carried out where a flexible viewing instrument was inserted into my mouth and through the esophagus and into my stomach. A Barium Meal Test was also administered where I had to drink this chalky solution so that it would line the Upper Gastrointestinal tract and had X-rays taken. I had to also undergo a breath test.

By the time everything was done which was almost 5:15pm, I was exhausted. Results will be out next Friday. I told a few friends Monday - got my dates mixed up.

Well, preliminary results showed haemorrhaging of the ulcer. My stools also have blood in them. The size of the laceration has also increased.

The above-mentioned does not sound good but I still want to praise the Lord for pulling me through the gruelling session. I sang praises to Him in my heart throughout and that helped me take the attention of the pain sometimes and fixed my eyes on Him.

Before I went for the check-up, I decided to go to the Paediatrics Department to pay the young patients a visit. Well, I ended up talking to one of the senior nurses whom I came to know after my constant visits to the department.

In one of my blogs last year I wrote about some kids I met when I visited their ward - the youngest of them all was named Shay. He was a three-year old kidney patient. I have been told he succumbed to the illness on 4 January 2007 where he had an infection and the doctor tried their best to save him but failed.

I recalled Shay as a cute chubby boy and I also remembered giving him a box of colouring tools just to bring a little of the Christmas cheer into his life. He opened the gift immediately and started drawing. I also remembered his parents whom I managed to pray with when I was giving out the gifts. I hope the Lord will continue to comfort them as they mourn the lost of Shay.

It is sometimes tough to know of news like the above-mentioned. Sometimes one wonders what was God doing and where was He when a small helpless kid like Shay was suffering from the infection. I am sure his parents and their loved ones prayed hard for his life to be preserved. How then will they reconcile with the term about God being able to heal?

I guess we will never be able to fully comprehend God's plan especially when it comes to issues like death. After going through a couple of years where I had to battle with my kidney ailment and stomach ulcers, sometimes the best healing one can have or hope for is death - where all pain and suffering will be gone once and for all. But the Lord determines when we should go so while we are still going through these earthly struggles, we must have the faith to believe that God knows what He is doing and it is for our best.

I believe God was there when Shay was going through his last days. If God is omni-present, then surely He is by the little one's side. I guess He did not want Shay to suffer any longer hence He took the boy to be with Him. I also know that Shay is now a new being - one that is physically spotless. I will meet him one day when my time here is up.

I actually wanted to share a parable that I got to know of tonight when I went for the last session of the "Into The Word" course on the Holy Spirit. I have decided to share this in my next blog as I am really drained.

I want to thank God for teaching me more of the Holy Spirit who has always been in me since the day I got to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. I have decided to know more about Him in the days to come and to allow Him to work in and through me wherever I go. He has always been a controversial figure but when you get to know Him more, it is not that bad.

If anyone wants to be more effective in everything he does or to have a deeper passion for God, he must get to know the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit who will renew and transform us totally. I long for the Spirit to fall afresh on me and I know He will.

I had dinner with a dear friend and her sister in church. To me, I see the Holy Spirit working in my friend's sister's life. She has not been coming to church for a while but lately she got a nudge to do so and from the look of it, she is thirsting and hungering for more of God to be in her life. I know the sessions have transformed her and many who attended. This, to me, is a testimony of how the Holy Spirit can burst forth into our lives if we allow Him to.

I like this one phrase that the speaker used - one must have a Great Combustion (given by the Holy Spirit) in order to execute the Great Commission (given by God). I would like to have that Great Combustion because there are so many things I want to testify to others about God.

I may be going through some obstacles now and to a certain extent, I am also overcoming some of the lows in my life but I will press on. May God continue to show me more of Him and may I, in return, share more of Him to others.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?" Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. "All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:15-27

Build Up; Not Tear Down

I was at the rooftop of my office spending time with the Lord reading His Word and praying. I needed God to speak to me during this time of anxieties over my health and also one other issue.

Since I started blogging last year I struggle as to how much to share about my life to whoever is reading it. Some stuff I still keep them private but I try my very best to share as much as I can. Some friends did tell me it is tough to share private stuff publicly. It is true but it is not impossible.

Early this morning in my last blog, I shared about times when I feel like giving up loving and caring for people. I will still love and care regardless of how difficult the process may be but it is definitely not an easy thing to do - probably because we are all humans.

I have been discouraged lately because it occurred to me how fragile a friendship or relationship can be. I have also concluded that the best test of how strong a bond between two persons is is during times of crisis. But it is also during these times of struggles and trials that a bond can be strengthened - it is my prayer that this will happen rather than the opposite.

It really hurts when I know someone is struggling and when I try to help or be there for the person, I got shut out. It is even more painful especially when I have come to the realisation that I am now insignificant in that person's life.

I thank God for teaching me more about friendship and relationship. Till the day I die, there will always be these two elements in my pilgrim's journey and I pray God will train me to be a better and effective friend to another. Sometimes I will fail because of my shortcomings but I pray my friends will bear with me.

Well, I will continue to be a friend to another. Again I was reminded that when I give, do not expect to receive something in return because when it does not happen, I will feel discouraged or short-changed. It is tough to live by this radical attitude because as humans we always want something in return.

I guess returning gratitude and showing appreciation to another friend is important but it has to come from the receiver's free-will to do so and not the giver always expecting it.

For me, I always tell myself this (I am not saying I have fully grasp this - if not I would not have shared the pain and hurts I am going through now) - if I am doing this for God's glory and for the love I have for my friend, that is more than enough. If my friend appreciates what I do for him or her, then that is an added bonus.

I have to also remember that one day I may be on the receiving end when someone is encouraging me when I am down. Will I want to treat my friend the way I do not want others to treat me?

The Golden Rule, I guess - "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31

I praise the Lord that there are some friends standing by my side now as I struggle with my health again. I thank God for providing them to me during this time when I know I cannot go through it alone.

Well, time to leave for home. Shall rest for a while before I head for the hospital.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Thy Will Be Done

Later in the late morning I have to be in hospital for another check-up for my stomach ulcer. In a period of two weeks, I have visited the hospital three times: once for the above-mentioned and twice for my jabs. I am too drained to think about it anymore. I will let the Lord's will be done - if He wants me to learn something from all these, I shall seek for His revelation in my life.

Anyway, I am supposed to be working now but have no mood to do so. Hence I thought I blog first.

Today I've been hearing this voice constantly telling me, "Andy, why are you so stupid?" "Why waste time?" There were a lot other questions I heard but I shall leave them as that.

Am I really stupid to do some of the things I am doing? Am I wasting my time and energy? Sometimes I feel I am (especially when disappointments set in - just felt like giving up loving and caring altogether) but I will press on if I know in my heart I am doing them for the sake of someone's well-being or for God's glory.

If I stop, then I have conceded defeat to the devil. He can bark all he wants to stop me from doing things - eventually a barking dog will grow weary. Hopefully he gets the message and shuts up!

I have to confess sometimes I am doing things in my own strength - this is where I am still learning to trust God completely especially at times when I know He wants me to go easy and let Him do the rest.

Lately I feel that my pilgrim's journey has hit a snag. I pray the Lord will lift my spirit and allow me to breathe afresh His Spirit in me.

Alright, I think I should get on with my work. I do not know what the outcome of the medical examinations hold - I am anxious but trying my best to channel the anxieties to God.

Anyway, thanks be to Him for everything!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Trial Uproots; God Upholds

I praise the Lord for sustaining me through this day though in the morning when I woke up, my tummy was quite painful. After taking my medication, it was better.

I told the Lord no matter what I will go to church to worship Him with the rest of the Body of Christ and also to serve Him in the Worship Team.

I am not trying to boast about the above-mentioned and in what I am going to share next. I just hope to honour God regardless of whatever state I may be in. It is my prayer that He will honour me in return by healing my stomach ulcer in His time.

It is not a deal that I am hoping to strike with Him but I basically want to learn to put Him first and not let circumstances distract me from worshipping and serving Him and also fellowshipping with my spiritual family.

Well, God was gracious throughout the day as the pain was bearable. It got quite bad just now when I was at a sister-in-Christ's 21st birthday party but again He sustained me with the medication I had to administer on myself. He also provided two other persons to help me with the photography when I had to rest for a while.

I suspect the condition of my ulcer is deteriorating. I guess I will have to go for another check-up this week to ascertain the severity. In a matter of a week or so, I can feel it has worsened.

Anyway, I am tired physically, emotionally and mentally but I hope by maintaining myself spiritually, God will remind me constantly that He is the Lord of my life and also the struggles I am going through now.

I learnt from the sermon today the need to fast - to deny myself and fully place my trust in the Lord. If I can let God teach me to put aside all of my earthly burdens and let the Holy Spirit fall afresh on me and deliver me from all my troubles or to allow me to have the strength to press on, I believe the load on my shoulders would be easier to bear. In my heart I know He will help me.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Life Is Still Not Bad

I did not feel like blogging and was tempted not to blog for a while because I cannot tell others life is not bad when in actual fact my life is going through a struggle and I am at a low point now.

I feel very lousy today. Basically two reasons - I shall share one and prefer to keep the other private. My stomach ulcer got quite bad this afternoon when I was in church. In fact since yesterday it has not been good.

I was with the Youth Ministry Worship Team, helping them with their sectional trainings. I did not feel like going as I was feeling rather weak but I heard that if I did not go, the session would probably be postponed. I did not want my condition to hamper the plan of these my siblings-in-Christ and I asked of the Lord to sustain me. He did and I am thankful I was able to go through the two and a half hours with everyone in the team.

It got quite bad at one point of time and I had to jab myself to soothe the pain. It got only slightly better. I was still having a lot of discomfort in my tummy - can feel the stomach acid working full force.

After everything was over, I decided to go to the hospital to request for a stronger medication. It now feels better but the pain is still not fully gone.

Since I mentioned I did not want to blog today, why is it that I am typing this out? I decided to do so because of the support that some of my brothers and sisters have been giving me the past few hours or so.

I am still down but it has been made better because of the love, care and concern that I have received so far.

A brother even sent me a verse to remind me not to fear or be dismay for the Lord my God is with me.

I have to play the drums at the service and I have to be at a sister's 21st birthday party tomorrow (I promised to be her photographer). I pray the Lord will be gracious and make me well enough to go through tomorrow.

I shall end here.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Striving Is A Warning! Take Heed!

My tummy is aching again. I am also feeling quite weak. I shall try to sleep soon after I have finished typing this blog. I want to share a revelation that I got today from the Lord and I have to do so now though I know I need the rest.

This morning I was reminded of something which has caused me to evaluate on how I serve the Lord. It was a timely caution from a brother.

He told me that if a servant of God is striving too much in his ministry, something may be lacking or missing. He should take stock and allow God to help him re-focus and re-organise.

A person who trusts the Lord completely in what he does usually need not strive much because he knows fully that God is in charge. He is simply an instrument, a channel, in which God uses to get His work done in the church or in a community of believers outside church or even in the world as in our work or school or even at home.

What really amazed me was another statement an older sister-in-Christ made this afternoon when I was talking to her. She told me that the joy-stealer is always around and we all have to be careful not to let the devil take the joy of our salvation away and that the joy of the Lord must always be our strength.

I see the above two wise counsels as divine warnings for me because they are definitely linked. How can one who strives be joyful?

I praise the Lord for using two of my siblings-in-Christ to sound me off and I guess I will have to review all the things I am doing now and let God refresh me accordingly.

God never ceases to fascinate me after so many years of knowing Him. He knows my innermost struggles and thoughts that He even uses people around to jolt me from my comfort and complacent mode, at the correct time, to rethink about my service to Him and to the people.

When He does that occasionally, I cannot help it but to seriously reflect on the status of my service and if I need to let go of something or change something, I will. It is only when I allow Him to instruct me and change my attitude that I would be more effective in all I do.

Thanks be to Him for that.

I shall end here. I pray I will feel better tomorrow. God will definitely heal me in His time.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." Psalm 127:1

"Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:11-12

"...... for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b

God Will Always Love You And Me

I encountered two persons with a similar condition today. One in real life; the other in reel life (based on a true account). The condition is that of Down Syndrome.

I was at the eastern side of Singapore this afternoon. I needed to check out for a friend some bicycle information and prices and also to buy some Nonya kuehs for my grandma who has cravings for them recently.

I had lunch at a coffee shop opposite a Catholic Church named Church of the Holy Family. The table next to me seated a mother with two children. Her younger daughter is a normal 5 or 6-year old girl. Her son, who is about 8 years of age, has Down Syndrome.

My heart went out to the mother who had to handle her son having difficulty eating his rice. A couple of times he dropped his spoon on the floor. Each time it happened, I helped the mother to pick it up for him. She smiled and thanked me every time I assisted.

Throughout my meal, I observed that the mother did not lose her cool even once. Instead she would patiently feed her son, wipe his mouth and also the perspiration on his forehead and giving him water to drink regularly. When the boy successfully fed himself, she would give him a hug or a peck on the cheek.

Just a while ago I was watching this TV programme called "Against All Odds" and today's focus was on this Malay couple who has a son suffering from Down Syndrome too. The boy's name is Hakim. Initially the parents were saddened when the doctor told them of Hakim's condition but as years went by when they knew their son better, they affirmed him of his strength, like playing soccer and dancing. They loved Hakim as would all parents.

The above-mentioned basically reminded me of God's love for His children. Some are more difficult to handle than the others but still He loves us equally and abundantly. When we are down, God is there to comfort us and to cry with us; when we are happy, He laughs with us; when we are in trouble, He is there to provide a way out for us. The Lord is truly our Emmanuel (God with Us).

Despite of His goodness and faithfulness, many times I forget His love for me. Sometimes I even get angry with Him when things do not turn out well. There were other times when I just asked Him for things like He was my genie. After that when I have got what I wanted, I just cast Him aside and went on with my life.

Did God forsake me when I failed Him? Not once. Many times I thought He did but in actual fact He has always been there. I have always been the one who has forsaken Him and hurt His heart. Regardless of the disappointments I have caused Him, He was there all the time to see me through to where I am now. Who else can compare to this Almighty God I have come to know since 1985? No one, I can confidently say.

Every one of us definitely has something to testify about God's love. I pray in our pilgrim's journey we will always remember it in our heart so that when we are going through trying times, we will recall what He has done for us before and assure ourselves that He will do it again. God is same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

My prayers go out to the lady and the Malay parents with their Down Syndrome kids. May they themselves experience God's love in their lives.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

"I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:2-4

"The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." Psalm 145:8-9

God Never Fails To Amaze Me

This morning I could not go to work because after I had my breakfast my tummy had a sharp pain. I could not take it and decided that I needed to go to the hospital to have it checked. I was given an injection and I felt better after a while. A scan taken showed that my ulcer was bleeding a little.

Tomorrow I am supposed to obtain the biopsy result. Since I was at the hospital, I requested whether I could collect the report today instead. Praise the Lord the test showed my ulcer is benign. I sure hope there won't be another of this. Anyway, I really want to give thanks to God for His grace and mercy.

My God-ma came to pick me up and wanted to bring me home. As I promised to follow her to buy a few things before she and Pa leave for Kuala Lumpur tonight, I told her I was fine and could join her to shop.

We had brunch first - I did not eat much as I was still full. Anyway, we headed to a few places: Orchard Road; then SKS Bookstore; Chinatown; Sim Lim Square and then Little India (for dinner).

It is amazing how in shopping God also speaks. Let me elaborate. When we were on our way to SKS Bookstore, I messaged a dear friend to ask whether she needed anything from there. After a while, I got a call from her. She told me she placed an order for some workbooks on behalf of the Children Ministry and it was due for collection. I praise the Lord for prompting me to message her because this would then save her the trip to the bookstore.

She also asked me to buy some books she saw from another place. As I was going up to the shop, I prayed and asked the Lord to provide me with those books. When I asked the shop assistant, he could not help me as I was unable to give him the exact titles as my friend was not sure herself.

Anyway, I prayed again. As I walked on and scanned the shelves, I found one of the books but did not see the rest. I called my friend and told her that there was only one I could find. After we hanged up, I was prompted to look to my left and to my delight all the books she requested for were all there.

Gladly I picked them up and headed for the cashier. Truly the Lord provides.

Anyway, Ma managed to buy all that were in her shopping list. We had dinner. After that I headed off to church for a prayer meeting while my God-parents left for the airport.

We prayed for the outreach effort of the church and during the time of intercession, a sister and I were brought to this realisation that after being so many years in church and as a Christian, we have fewer non-Christian friends now and to a certain extent, we have also forgotten how to be friends to those from the other faiths. How true that is.

I was challenged to reflect on this further and I want to do something about it. Hopefully the Lord will open my eyes and guide me accordingly.

A dear brother gave me a lift home. He knew about my ulcer condition and told me that he will be praying for me regularly. He also urged me not to stress myself up too much. I really appreciate his care and concern. This is precisely why I am always thankful to the Lord for the fellowship of believers - during times when I am happy, my siblings-in-Christ rejoices with me and when I am down and out, they are also there sticking by me.

Well, I shall end here. I will spend some time in prayer after this as I have a few things that I need to talk to the Lord about.

Thanks be to God for today!

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:5-6

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-26

Desiring More Of God

I just came back from Session Three of the "Into The Word" course on the teachings of the Holy Spirit. I left the talk tonight with a renewed desire for the Spirit to do more in my life. I am not satisfied with the current state of my walk. I pray the Lord will continue to pour forth His teachings into my life to the point where the well-spring in me will overflow. Prayerfully it will bless the lives of the people around me.

Tonight I was reminded to exercise the gift of tongues which I received many years ago. Just a while ago when I was praying for a dear sister's spiritual life, I told the Lord I do not know how else to pray for her and asked that the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf. There and then, I broke into a language I do not understand but in my heart, I knew it was a prayer for my sister. I believe God has listened and He is still at work in her life. Before that my heart was heavy but now I am at peace.

Yesterday God answered one of my prayer requests I made last month. It is quite a small request and frankly I did not put high hopes that I will be able to find it but He managed to surprise me. My friend was looking for a journal but could not find it in Singapore.

When I knew my God-parents were coming to Singapore, I asked my God-mum to help me look for it. Yesterday when I received them at the airport, she told me she managed to find the book.

I gave it to my friend this afternoon and I am glad she can use it now to write of God's goodness in her life and also the many lessons she will be learning from the Word. May all these she will be entering into the journal allow her, in the years to come, to remember the many precious gems He has given her. That's the beauty of journal-entry.

The above-mentioned reminds me of one thing - whether our request to God is big or small, it is still a request from His children and if we have asked anything according to His will, He will answer us. What an assurance that is.

"You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:24-26

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18

Taking Stock Of Life

I went to the airport very early in the morning to pick up my God-parents who are based in New York. They are here for the Lunar New Year break. It has been a couple of years since I last saw them and I'm glad they are back, even though it is just going to be for about two weeks or so. I cannot wait to catch up with them further.

Their flight arrived at around 7am but I went earlier as I thought of spending time with the Lord at the viewing gallery.

I communed with Him for about an hour plus and it was truly a time of refreshing as I reflect on what had happened the past one month or so. I usually do a monthly evaluation of my life somewhere away from the crowd - sometimes I go to the breakwaters by the beach of East Coast Parkway, Bedok Jetty, Changi Beach (where the big birds land), MacRitchie Reservoir, etc.

I was reading my journal and my blogs (nowadays with blogging, my journal-entry interspersed with it). I have been doing this monthly evaluation for many years already but every month it is still all so refreshing, reading about God's goodness in my life and also the many struggles I had gone through or still experiencing.

Just reading the pages of my life's accounts allow me to understand myself better. Sometimes I must admit they puzzle me too because I could not believe myself doing certain things, either brave or stupid. Sometimes I also feel angry with myself for not being able to let go of some of the pet-sins or weaknesses in my life. I hope I will continue to press on in allowing God to help me overcome my shortcomings.

One month of the new year has already come to pass. Time really flies. January has not been a particular good month for me mainly because of my health issues - basically my stomach ulcer and my left knee injury. They have been the thorns of my flesh and many times I questioned God why they have to be there.

Though I have been quite bothered by these two conditions, I have to constantly remind myself that I have to move on with my life. If God allows something to happen, there must be a reason for it. As His child, I have to trust that He is doing this for my good and I will let Him deal with me accordingly and to guide me as I continue trotting this pilgrim's journey.

I believe God is a Father who only give good gifts to His children - good can sometimes mean certain trials one has to face. But it is not the trials that matter but the outcome of it because the lessons learnt from them will always make an individual stronger. It is also character-building - though some will take many years to develop.

As I was reading on, I think there is one character flaw that I need the Lord to help me overcome - PRIDE. I think many times I have put people off because of this and I need to be careful as I do not wish to stumble others. The scary part is I occasionally do this without even knowing I have stumbled someone.

So in this new month of February, I will be more cautious especially in the words I use or certain comments I make. May the Lord be my help.

I also reflected on my role as a brother-in-Christ or friend to the people around me. I think I have to go beyond the superficial level and hit deeper when I interact with my siblings-in-Christ and friends. Many times I just take every one for granted till I forget that some may be going through struggles but are not showing them.

When I knew about a very dear sister who shared about her intention to let go of her faith, it was a wake-up call. If only I was more conscious, I could have been there for her earlier than later.

In the many years as a Christian, I have seen some of my friends giving up on God and I did not do much about it. I will try as much as I can not to let another leave God and I pray God will use me to be a blessing to these my brothers and sisters.

After my evaluation, I prayed. Never knew there were so many things I had to talk to Him about. Some were thanksgivings; others were petitions made on behalf of my friends; and there were a few issues that I need God's counsel and guidance. Well, I know eventually in His time, He will answer all my prayers. :)

I spent the day with Ma and Pa - I had lunch with them after they checked in at the hotel. Pa had to go meet some of his friends so I was with Ma for the rest of the afternoon, basically shopping around Orchard area and having tea with her.

Well, time for me to start work. I am doing the night shift.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Ephesians 4:29-30

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11