Pilgrim's Journey At One Of Its Lows

Sometimes I wish others can be more understanding and discerning to my struggles as much as I am also learning to be so to them. It is even more painful to know that these persons are ones whom I hold dear to in my heart.

Situations between dad and I have not improved. He is still behaving in a manner as if all these while I am the one in the wrong. What have I done wrong when what I did was to advise him to watch his diet which he has not been doing so lately? Is it not right to care for his physical well-being when records of his glucose level have not been ideal?

Anyway, as much as I know what I should do as a Christian, we are not on talking terms and I guess I will leave it as that for now. In the past whenever we had conflicts I would be the first to seek reconciliation regardless of whether I am in the right or wrong but I feel this time round I will stay put and not make any move.

Though I want to, I shall not let this act of reconciliation be seen as an avenue where he will continue to abuse it. I also do not want this to be seen as a weakness. Otherwise it will dilute the whole idea of restoration of relationships.

It is a lousy feeling but I shall stand firm on my decision.

Another incident today also kind of affected me. I was supposed to have a meal with someone whom I am close with as I wanted to share something which I am hoping the person can pray for me before I leave for my London trip tomorrow. Without informing me, this dear sibling brought some friends along. Yes, though I did not inform this person that I have something to share but I felt that I should be informed of the added company.

Lately, my pilgrim's journey has been in shambles because of the struggles I am facing at home. I am not complaining that I have to deal with these matters but sometimes they can be overwhelming. All these have of course affected the other areas of my life and also certain plans I have in mind. It is frustrating but I pray that God will help me find ways to cope.

That is why I am looking forward to my trip as I need to go somewhere away from home to catch a breather, reorganise and be refreshed. It is long overdue. I hope God will guide me along in the next nine days.

Well, I hope I have not stumbled anyone during this period of mess in my life.

Looking forward to getting my life back on track again.

Lord, Help Me To Continue To Love

I am very angry! Yes, you did not read wrong. I am super angry with dad for always provoking others who have been showing care and concern toward him. It was a supposed routine check of his blood glucose level and in the process of doing that I asked him whether he has been eating the new year goodies because they have depleted quite a bit since the last time I checked. I know no one else at home would eat them as they do not really like such stuff. Only dad is the one who usually munches them.

When I asked him, he started showing his colours and made remarks which caused me to raise my voice a little. When I did that he said I was being rude and that I should show more respect to him. When I heard that, I got angrier. In front of him, I gathered all the new year goodies and threw them into the dustbin.

I'd rather wasting these tidbits than to see dad having another relapse.

It hurts when you show love and care for someone dear to you and in return they do not appreciate them.

I will show respect to every one but when it is being abused I will speak my peace regardless of whether you are my elder or not. Respect is not a right; it has to be earned.

Anyway, I need to share this out - if not I will just explode.

I will spend some time in quiet with God and hope He will help me simmer down.

Wit's End Or Not, God Is There

Sometimes I am at my wit's end as to how to take care of my elderly parents and grandma. When I tell them something which is supposed to be beneficial for their physical well-being, they would react with a "do-not-tell-me-what-to-do" look.

As I have feared for dad not being able to control his diet during the Lunar New Year period by eating all the sweet tidbits for guests, I warned him to watch what he eats and drinks. As I cannot be there all the time to observe his every move, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Well, this afternoon I took his blood glucose level and it was a whopping 15.5mmol/L. Suspecting that he has been keeping mum about his diet, I probed and he confessed that he has been eating the tidbits.

At that point, I just did not know whether I should raise my voice in disapproval or just give up because this "do-not-tell-me-what-to-do" attitude is quickly killing him! Maybe he should get another stroke just to further wake up his idea!

It is just so draining. Grandma is also going through a tough time lately as her gum is giving her a lot of pain. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night groaning in pain. She went to see the doctor just now and has been prescribed some medication to counter the discomfort, I really pray God will heal her.

I do not know how long I can last handling all these old-age issues at home but I guess I have to trust God to help the family go through this transition where more than half the family is no more as independent as before.

I need to be more patient though sometimes it is just so tough but for the sake of every one, I guess I have to.

Man, I thought working is tough... taking care of old folks at home is tougher. Just handling matters at home has taken a lot of my time off to concentrate on other commitments I have, like the ministries in church and my plans for the future. I simply have no more energy to do other

things.

Though my journey so far has been tiring, I am not going to give up on my family just because three of them are well along in years. I just need to learn how to cope and I trust that God will teach me along the way.

I need to breathe and I am looking forward to my short trip to London next Friday. I wish it could have been a longer trip but I guess I need to be thankful that God is giving me this opportunity to take a break.

Well, the Lunar New Year has been quite tiring, having to entertain the many relatives who popped over but it was a great time spent with them. In some of the new year greetings I sent to friends, I encouraged them to make Jesus known to the relatives and friends whom they are visiting. I have been doing that by praying for them and letting them know that I will continue to pray for them. Well, just wanting to plan the seed first and allow God to work the rest.
I shall end here.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:35 & 37

Bless Someone This Lunar New Year!

First of all, a blessed Lunar New Year to all the Chinese and a Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I was contemplating whether to blog because it has been a long day for me yesterday. I had to run some errands in the morning; cook for last night's reunion dinner; bathe my Peach-Face Love-Bird and Silky Terrier; and then do a major mopping of the whole house and also other small little areas which need some clean-up.

My fingers are all wringled up; my back is aching; my skin is a little itchy (probably from contact with detergents of all sorts); my nose sniffing from too much dust flying around; and knees a little painful due to my osteo-arthritis. Haha. Yes, getting old is it!

Anyway, I still have to stay awake as I am doing the laundry and waiting for the washing machine to beep so that I can start hanging out the clothes!

I do not know why but this Chinese New Year ("CNY") I was reminded of a sermon preached by my church's assistant pastor (last year, I think) where he encouraged the congregation to bless the relatives and friends whom we are visiting with the love of Jesus and to pray for their household. I guess I am going to do that since this year's CNY coincides with Valentine's Day.

From the past few day's of spring-cleaning, I was also reminded of my life in which it also needs some sprucing up. I guess it is important to spring-clean our lives once in a while so that we can purge all that is unpleasing in the eyes of God and only entertain what is beneficial to our daily pilgrim's journey. I guess this is part and parcel of the sanctification process where we need to deliberately repent from ALL sins in our lives. Of course it does not necessarily always happen overnight but throughout the journey, we need to cast away these sins.

This is a good wake-up call as I have not been diligent in taking care of my walk with the Lord lately. Well, I pray I will begin to let God to take full control of my life again and from there allow Him to mould me as He deems appropriate.

I am still tired physically, emotionally and mentally with my parents and grandma's ill-health but praise the Lord that things are getting better at home. The physio-therapist will be releasing dad sometime next week as dad is able to be independent again after his recent stroke!

God is indeed good! I am still concern for grandma whose memory is failing her quite badly. I am trying as much as I can to affirm her each time she does something right or she could remember something so as to let her know that she is still appreciated. Sometimes I must confess that my patience run short when dealing with her constant forgetfulness but I am trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt and be more sensitive as I know this condition is something she cannot really control.

Mum seems okay and I pray God will continue to sustain her this way.

Well, that said! I am looking forward to a short far-away trip so as to allow me to catch a breather from things at home and also in church as in the ministries I am serving in. Though I am going with a dear brother-in-Christ, I am going to take some time just to go on a personal retreat so as to reflect and evaluate my priorities. May the Lord direct me accordingly and allow this trip to be a refreshing and fruitful one.

Okay, I have blogged enough. I am tired and laundry is almost done!

Good night, world!

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Pilgrim's Journey Still Must Go On

Just took dad's blood glucose test and it registered 14.4mmol/L on the meter. That is cause for concern because it is quite high. Anyway, I prayed for him and hope that the Lord will help bring down the glucose level to a healthier level. I also need to review what he has been eating to ensure that his condition will improve in the next few days.

Since my last blog, it has been about home mainly. It is less tiring but handling home matters still sucks up a considerable amount of my energy which could have been channelled for other areas of my life. I guess those have to wait. Anyway, all thanks to God for sustaining every one at home.

I seriously need a break. By that I mean going away to somewhere far away. It may happen at the end of the month but the plan is not fixed yet. I will be contented with just doing photography. Well, I shall write more when the trip is finalised.

My walk with the Lord can be better and I hope to get back on track again. Lately I have not been able to give my all for the ministries I have committed myself to. I also need to watch the way I carry myself lest I stumble someone if my life is not in check from time to time. It is a struggle because every day I feel exhausted. Haha.

Well, that is all for now. The pilgrim's journey still has to go on! May the Lord be my guide and strength. :)

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." Joshua 1:8