How Much Should I Give?

Lately I have been wondering how much should I give (not necessarily in monetary form but basically anything part of me I could offer) when I would like to help someone I care. I am the sort who would give my all (if I have the means to) but I do not know whether that is too much for the party I am trying to assist.

Sometimes I get suspicious reactions; sometimes I get snubbed; sometimes I get vibes from the person that what I am doing is wrong.

Many times I held back what I want to do for someone because just as much as I would like to help, I also do not wish to stumble the other party. Then again when I hold back, I feel lousy and sad that I get negative reactions for something positive that I am trying to offer.

Well, I guess that is the mystery and struggle I have to accept but I will still try to help my siblings-in-Christ, friends and sometimes strangers. May God's name be glorified in this.

My left knee is hurting badly since I was at the Youth Ministry Worship Team rehearsal. I cannot stand properly now and it gives a sharp pain when I try to straighten my left leg. Sigh. Another physical struggle I have to go through - when will it ever stop?

Anyway, I am wearing the knee brace - hopefully the condition will improve tomorrow. So be it if it does not. I shall not let this affect me - I have enough of all these nonsense for now.

It has been a long day. I was out to Sim Lim Square to buy two external hard-drives for my Pastor-in-charge; a mouse for a sister-in-Christ; to collect an international warranty card for my dear friend (I had to do so by today as the friend who was issuing me the card had to leave for an overseas trip tonight); to also buy from him a screen protector for the new camera I redeemed yesterday; to buy a SD memory card for a dear brother-in-Christ and also to check out a PDA pouch that he is looking for (I could not find it though).

Anyway, praise the Lord I managed to get most of the above items. I am tired. Just prayed with my parents. Grandma was already asleep when I came home. Mum is not feeling too well today as in she has been feeling giddy - her rashes are acting up badly too.

Well, no matter how the day has been - thanks be to my God Almighty for sustaining me; for continually teaching me to adapt to life; for His grace in allowing me to handle the various matters of my family, ministries and my life; and for His mercy in giving me the chance to go through yet another day of adventure.

"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:1-3

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." 1 Peter 3:15-17

Count Your Blessings

How many of us complain that life is unfair often enough that it makes us feel miserable most of the time? It even reaches to a stage where we just find no more meaning in all we do. Life becomes mundane and monotonous basically.

Well, lately I was just thinking - must life really come to this point or is it just us, humans, who make it that way because of our perception and reaction to the many situations we experience in life?

Lately I have learnt to count my blessings. In doing so, it allows me to see for myself that life is afterall not bad because of the many things God has given me which I tend to take for granted. When we sometimes dwell on the negative aspects of our pilgrim's journey, they tend to cloud the many good things which we are actually blest with. It is important to start switching our focus from the unpleasant to the pleasant; from the bad to the good; from the sadness to the happy; from the pessimism to the optimism.

It is amazing how many blessings God has bestowed upon me all these while:-

1) The eternal life I have now since the day I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour;

2) The freedom to worship God in this country I was born in;

3) The family I have though tumultuous when I was younger but relationships amongst us are now improving and growing closer;

4) The grace of God upon my parents and grandma who are now Christians themselves and growing in the Lord daily;

5) The many siblings-in-Christ God has given me since the day I attended church when I was in Primary Six;

6) The many who stood by me when I was struggling in my growing up years as a student and also when I was sick due to my kidney ailment;

7) The complete recovery from my kidney injury;

8) The chance to go to university and complete my studies though I never dreamt of doing that when I was struggling in my primary and secondary education;

9) The chance to be able to play a part in other people's lives now that I am an educator;

10) The ability to serve in the church and use the gifts God has given me to bless the lives of others;

11) The ability to work and earn my own living and also to support my loved ones;

12) The flat I am given which I can call home and find shelter in;

13) The plentiful of food all around me which I can so luxuriously choose from for each meal I consume;

14) The many shopping centres I can go to to buy the things I require;

15) The ability to wake up each morning and experience the rising of the sun and smelling the morning dew and also the chirping of the birds;

16) The ability to pull through each day, come back home, have a good meal, a good bath, experience the sunset and then the comfort of the bed to allow me to have a good rest and be ready again for a brand new day;

I can go on and on and on and the list will not end. So is life good? Yes. Of course! What is important is for me to sit down and count my blessings. When I can see the goodness of God in my life through these deliberate breaks I take, then the struggles I go through now will not be that bad afterall because I know the God who has blessed me so richly will also be faithful to pull me through the mountains and valleys of my life.

Everything God created is good. It is us who sometimes makes it look bad.

Thanks be to God for everything!

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11

God Answers Prayers In All Situations

I just came home from a time of shopping with my dear friend. Though it was only for a couple of hours, I thank God that we were able to buy most of the things in her shopping list. I am glad that she likes the items she bought and I felt that they look great on her.

I do not know whether some may think I am taking this a little too far but when it comes to activities like shopping, we should also pray that God would help us find good deals and at the same time buy the things we like.

This morning I asked the Lord to help my friend and I in our shopping and guess what? We managed to buy two nice items at a reasonable price. Initially we saw one winter jacket at Vivocity but my friend did not really like the colour, which I agreed. We kept in view that piece and headed to Suntec City and thanks be to God, we found two nice jackets of different designs and climate purposes and both pieces cost slightly more than the one jacket we did not really fancy. :)

In the early afternoon before I met my friend, I needed to go and redeem a camera. For the past few days I have been looking at different models but did not really like them as they did not have the specifications I wanted. This morning I found one model which was quite okay and when I enquired about it, I was told that I could redeem another better model with an extra charge imposed. Since the amount was minimal, I gladly took up that offer. I am pleased with that camera and again I know it was through the grace of God that He prompted me to wait and today I finally found one I like.

Yesterday I also prayed about another shopping trip I needed to do with a sister-in-Christ for a dear brother-in-Christ's 21st birthday party. Though we walked around for almost 6 hours or so, we managed to find a few nice items for him. We did not plan to meet initially but when this sister called to ask whether I would like to shop with her for the presents, I immediately uttered a word of prayer for the Lord to guide us and provide for us. Surely He did and I was happy with our purchases.

Well, whether I am taking this a little too far or not, still the Lord answered my prayers and I guess that matters most! Our God answers prayers in all situations - I thought this is a good reminder for us all.

All thanks and praise to God!

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18

God Is My Shelter

Mum vomited twice this morning after her radiotherapy treatment. She felt a little light-headed too. Her rashes are still there but under control. I do not know whether later she will have more of them - usually they will appear after the treatment. Well, no point for me to guess whether they will surface or not. It is my prayer they will not but if they do, then I shall trust that the Lord will heal her accordingly.

I had wanted to go back with my parents because I was concerned for mum but dad told me he could manage. Well, we went on our separate ways. I headed for Botanic Gardens to spend some time in quiet with the Lord.

I was praying for mum that she would be completely healed after all the treatments. I can feel her pain and discomfort. Sometimes I know she does not want to show it but I could see that she is suffering in silence.

I cannot deny that I am frustrated especially when I find myself helpless in easing her struggles. Sometimes it reaches to a point where I would just want to scream my lungs out! I have gone through pain before hence I can understand mum's struggles. When I was going through those dialysis treatments, I asked the Lord that my loved ones (family and friends) will not go through this same agony but now mum is experiencing it.

Am I blaming God for putting her through this? I guess not. I could have been angry with Him but I know He allows certain things to happen for our good; for the building of our characters; to achieve certain of His purposes; etc. I also know He loves us so much that He will not allow us to suffer beyond what we cannot bear.

I am still tired trying to deal with the matters at home and in my life. I pleaded with the Lord to sustain me; to continue to give me the joy during this trying period so that I can continue to bring hope to my family. Sometimes when I know I am going to break, I would just go out of my home and break somewhere before coming back to carry on with where I left off. So far, I am thankful to God that He is able to refresh me.

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean writing this blog. Shall spend some time here doing some stuff for the Missions Ministry and perhaps do some reading later. I also need to run some errands later for dad and for some friends.

Oh yah, I have an answered prayer to share though it is nothing big. Before the mission team left for Cambodia earlier this month, a magazine company donated a certain amount of money to an orphanage. When the team came back, I was told that they did not obtain a receipt from the staff. It worried me because I needed to pass the receipt to the company as an accountability. The magazine staff even called to enquire about it. I prayed about it and even sent an email to the orphanage staff. Guess what? Yesterday, two days after I wrote an email, I received a letter and in it was the receipt. I have been anxious and God, in His grace, took it away by answering my prayers. Hallelujah!

Well, I shall end here for now. It will be a good day especially when I know God has a hand in it.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

Community Living Is Good! Try It!

Yesterday I had dinner with four siblings-in-Christ. Initially I thought it was just a time of gathering for us to fellowship with one another. In the end, it turned out to be a birthday celebration for me. It was a surprise and I am touched by their acts of kindness and love. Praise the Lord for them!

This whole month of June has reminded me of the power of community living. Prior, during and after my birthday, I have received so many greetings, wishes, birthday treats and presents that I am overwhelmed by these blessings showered upon me by my siblings-in-Christ and friends. Again, I thank the Lord for them all!

Before I became a Christian, I was, to a certain extent, a loner. Though I joined a gang to give myself an identity and status, it felt different from what I have been experiencing since I became a Christian.

When I was with the gang I gave a lot to be accepted and recognised by all. When I was of no use, none of my gang members even cared to talk to me. But when help was needed, suddenly they became good to me again and after that they would ask me to help them in all sorts of things.

As for my siblings-in-Christ whom I have come to know, many of them stuck with me through thick and thin. None of them made use of me - sometimes they gave me more than I gave to them.

What touched me lots was their willingness to give - be it their love, care, concerns and also their material possessions which they freely gave just so that they could help me in my time of need. This was when I was going through the failure of my right kidney.

What I am now and the process of my character-moulding (till I die) are all very much influenced by my spiritual grandparents, parents and siblings who take the effort to counsel me through affirmation, encouragement, rebuke and correction.

I will never settle for less by trying to find another kind of community since I have already experienced such power in this community of believers which God, in His grace, has placed me in.

Well, I want to share this because I desire for all my siblings-in-Christ and friends to be blest since I myself have been blest so richly by the above community. In order for this community to work powerfully though, everyone must be willing to give and take - that is when we will begin to see God moving. When every one sits still and not do anything, then we will never be able to let God use us as instruments of peace and love to others.

This year's birthday has been one of my most joyous and blessed birthdays I have experienced. Thanks be to God and my friends for the blessings!

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:9-10

Seeking God's Will

Last night I was online corresponding with a sister-in-Christ - in one of our topics of discussion she asked me what do I usually think about, how do I go about finding for answers and how to resolve these issues internally.

I shared with her the main issues - basically my future as in whether I will ever be given the chance and honour to marry the lady I love; about where God wants me to serve Him, be it in my current job as an educator or as a full-time church worker; about the ministries I am serving in; about my family; about the burdens I have for my siblings-in-Christ and friends.

As I have shared with the youths during the spiritual retreat last week, I usually allow God to speak to me in three ways: His Word; people; and the Holy Spirit.

His Word - this is definitely one of the clearest way I hear God speaks because the Bible is God's spoken words in writing. So whenever I become anxious when I am thinking about some of the above issues or troubled over them, His Word will assure me in certain ways and also sometimes tells me what I need to do and how to do it. It also serves as a rebuke sometimes especially when my approaches towards these issues are wrong or not pleasing in His sight or not according to His will.

People - I believe God has given the fellowship of believers for a reason. He can use people who knows me and are closer to me to tell me certain things that I may fail to see when I am dealing with the issues of my life. Some may come as an affirmation; some as a rebuke and a form of correction; and some as an encouragement to run alongside me and advising me as and when needed through prayers.

Holy Spirit - I do not know how to explain this as clearly as I can because no one can see the Holy Spirit. To me, it is possible to feel it. Whenever I am dealing with issues and the directions or attitudes or motives are wrong, there is simply no peace in my heart. When I sense that, I know something may be wrong and that I need to reflect on these approaches and seek the Lord to re-route me to the correct path. And when I obey His guidance and leading (which sometimes I do not because of my human pride or understanding or stupidity), the sense of peace will come and that is when I will act upon it.

What I have shared above may sound as if it is so easy to practice. In reality it is not because there is always the battle between God's will and our own will. It is also a struggle because this world simply cries out to our attention in many ways - our work, studies, family, trials, etc.

I have learnt and I pray I will continue to practise this - it is important to always set aside time of solitude away from the busy and noisy environment to find God and seek His counsel. It is hard especially when we are always so caught up with the hustle and bustle of life but it is possible and it is vital for all human beings, if I may generally put it. God does speak to us all the time but sometimes the noise of this world is louder to the point where we just could not hear Him clearly but when we are in silence, His voice is ever so clear and peaceful.

This sister whom I was talking to on MSN asked me about the issue on love. I shared with her I have been hard-pressed from all sides regarding this aspect (because I am not getting any younger) - from my family, relatives, closer friends, and even members of the church and parents of my friends whom I planned their wedding for. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I thought I might as well give in, find someone, get married and be done with it. Thanks be to God that He has taught me self-control. :)

The two persons I am always so grateful to for always comforting me not to be discouraged or disheartened are my God-parents. :)

The love God instituted for a man and woman to be together is not based on pressure but on mutual understanding. I have already concluded especially on this main issue of my life that if I am not able to find a lady whom I can truly love, then I will not marry. Sounds extreme but it is a fundamental step I need to take.

After pondering on these issues of my life and letting God speak based on the three ways I mentioned, I will find resolve simply in acting upon them without any fears or worries because I know God has gone ahead of me to prepare the way. But I will still pray continually so that I know what else to do along the way.

I shall end here for now. Just finished ironing a huge pile of clothes. Legs numbed already, super-sweaty and hand sore.

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man of understanding keeps a straight course. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. A man finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word! Proverbs 15:21-23

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:5-11

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:26-28

Being God's Instrument

I am beginning to feel the strain from the lack of sleep for the past 72 hours. I will try my very best to go to bed early tonight. Hopefully I can because I am not really in the habit of doing that.

Anyway, I came back not too long ago from a birthday gathering where the running gang celebrated three persons' birthdays - I was one of the three. We had a simple meal in Swensen's at Thomson Plaza after the run.

This morning I led the last session of my teaching stint in the Youth Ministry. When I was asked to teach many months ago by my dear friend, I was telling myself what did I get myself into and seven sessions felt too much then. But now, looking back, they were all worth it. Thanks be to God!

To a certain extent, God affirmed in me through a few people about this area of gifting which I can use to serve Him and minister to His people. I am praying He will continue to teach me so that I can be more effective in delivering God's message. My dear friend has also helped in giving me some critics, not to put me down but to allow me to learn and improve. It is precisely through people like her that I learn more about myself and also to overcome my shortcomings. Praise the Lord!

In all the preparations for the lessons, I give thanks to God for His guidance all these while; for the many lessons I have learnt in preparing for these sessions and putting them to practice first in my life before telling others to do likewise; for the many ways in which He encouraged and spurred me on when I found it hard to prepare due to the struggles I was going through; for changing my approach at the last minute for some of the sessions and instructing me to do something else - it was trying when I received such notifications but I learnt that when I follow what He tells me to do, He will also guide me in how to do it; for allowing me to wait upon Him when my human understanding cried out for me to just get the preparations over and done with. I learnt that when I take an effort to listen to Him and then know exactly what He wants to do, there is less strife in the planning because everything will just flow so smoothly.

I also praise the Lord for the rapport and relationships built with these my younger siblings-in-Christ. I am very happy I got to know many of them better especially now being able to put names to their faces when before they were just known to me as youths and nothing more.

Funnily, I feel a tinge of sadness that my teaching commitment has now come to an end. May the Lord in future continue to give me more of such opportunities so that I can continue to be a blessing to others for all that He has blest me with.

This morning I covered on the topic of giving and as I have challenged the youths to give 100% of their lives, relationships, material possessions and time to God, I also would like to practise these in my walk.

It was quite interesting that prior to going forward to deliver the Word of God, I got a prompting from Him to lead a game which I was totally unprepared for but I praise Him that it turned out pretty well. It was encouraging to see the youths being so participative and giving.

Well, I will continue to fellowship with them every Sunday as I felt the Lord directing me to be there for my brothers and sisters. May He continue to use me to run alongside them in this pilgrim's journey that every Christian has to experience.

All glory and thanks be to my God Almighty who has always been faithful and true in all I do!

Mum's rashes seem to be getting worse. Sometimes the itch can be quite irritating - I pray the Lord will lay His healing hands and remove them away from her body. Well, I can only pray for her in this area and in God's time I know all these discomfort will disappear.

I shall end here though I have some more things to share. Another day perhaps. Oh yah, I got another Liverpool memorabilia added to my collection this morning from my dear friend. It was a nice solar-powered key-chain where the display screen keeps flashing the club emblem every few seconds. Interesting souvenir. I like it lots. Thanks be to my friend!

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:19-25

Taking Things For Granted

11:05am

I am very sleepy now. I went to bed this morning at 4:45am as I was finishing up the lesson preparation for tomorrow's Youth Ministry (YM) teaching session. After that, a dear friend came online and we tried corresponding using MSN with the webcam (that both of us just acquired) and also speaking to each other using the built-in microphone.

It was fun especially being able to view each other. I like this method as you can then see the expressions of the person. I feel it is better this way as you do not need then to guess what they might be gesturing just by mere words. Sometimes by typing out words, misunderstandings may arise when you guess wrongly how the person is actually feeling at that point of the conversation.

I never thought of getting this gadget but now that I have it I guess I will use it often with my dear friend (when she leaves for her studies) and also with my other friends who have a webcam as well.

We need to fine-tune some of the problems we face like the lagging effect and also to make the sound quality better. I have yet to find out how - should not be a problem doing so.

Well, both of us slept really late - I wanted to sleep in much later but realised I have to be in church for a debrief with a mission team that came back from Cambodia recently. I had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep as I was awoken at around 7:30am by my doggy's barking when she saw mum walking past the hall. Anyway, since I could not sleep anymore, I went to wash up and left for church. Doing this blogging now in the office.

Anyway, I want to share something which kind of showed me how sometimes I take things for granted. Last night, I went out for supper with two sisters-in-Christ. They went to church first to observe the Worship Team rehearsal - one of them is interested to serve in that ministry as a keyboardist.

Anyway, after we finished our meal, we were walking back to the car and one of the sisters pointed out a coin on the floor. I saw it but basically did give too much of an attention to it and walked on.

When I reached home, after having a bath, I spent some time in prayer first before preparing the lesson. It was here I received a rebuke from the Lord about that coin. The amount might not be a lot but this shows how sometimes I do not cherish things that are of low value when actually I should. That amount which may seem small to me may be big in other people's eyes because they may not be as blest as I am. If I do not learn to be a good steward to this small thing then how will God trust me with the bigger things in life.

Some may see what I have written as making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe I am but there is a lesson to be learnt here which I am thankful to the Lord for. I must learn not to take things for granted.

5:00pm

I had to stop blogging after writing the above paragraph - needed to attend the Mission Team debrief which was edifying and affirming when I heard my siblings-in-Christ sharing about how God used them to touch the lives of the Khmer people whom they were ministering to.

After that I had to go for a briefing at Marina Bay for the National Day Parade. Well, it did not take long and I left after that.

I am now in Gloria Jean's Coffees at Vivocity finishing up this blog and also checking out some shops here. After this I will be going for the Youth Ministry (YM) Spiritual Retreat Thanksgiving Get-Together.

I am trying to keep my eyes open and just bought myself a cup of coffee, hopefully to perk me up a little.

Well, I guess that is all I have to write for now.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?" Luke 16:10-11

Care Enough To Do Something About It?

Over the many years as a brother to all the siblings-in-Christ (both young and old) I know, there were occasions I felt led to share my thoughts on some issues in their lives which I was burdened about and felt needed to be addressed. Did I do it? No. I hesitated because I feared I might lose the friendship with them and I also did not know how they would take it should I share my concerns and thoughts. I also sometimes could not care less because I was more self-centered than community-centered.

In these same many years, I grew and knew myself better and learnt to overcome some of my own bad habits and sins because someone else had the guts to rebuke and correct me. I am sure they had the same fear but yet for my sake and their role as a sibling-in-Christ to me, they risked losing this friendship just so I could grow to be a better person for God and the people around me by overcoming my weaknesses and shortcomings.

Lately I have been feeling burdened for a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ and again I have the same fear of approaching them to share my concerns. But this time the urge to want to do so is much more than before. I prayed about it this morning before I slept and below was my conclusion.

Frankly I am ready to risk losing these friendships with my siblings-in-Christ by sharing with them my burdens than to see them sink deeper in their sins and struggles. Of course it is my prayer that our relationship is strong enough to withstand these confrontations. I am still praying for the Lord to give me courage and also the wisdom and sensitivity in helping my siblings-in-Christ. I am also praying for the Lord to give me words of encouragement and affirmation should I be ready to help them.

I cannot carry on not doing anything anymore especially when I have been seeing some siblings-in-Christ drifting away in their faith and becoming more negative about their lives. Instead of placing their trust in the Lord, they are placing it in themselves and in objects. Instead of putting God first in their lives, studies, computer games, material pursuits have taken over His place. All these while they have learnt about the Word of God through Bible studies and sermons and yet what they are practising is totally the opposite. Some even come to church as if they are going to a country club - instead or worshipping God, they meet up to do other things like playing Sony PSP games or gossipping or indulging in what they are to buy once church is over. Why is this so? Where have the church gone wrong? What are we doing about it?

If we call the church a community of believers; a family, are we living it out as truly spiritual grandparents, parents and siblings to one another? I am sharing my frustrations because it is high time we start acting like a community and family to help one another grow in the Lord and in our character and also in our testimony as a Christian.

I am very sure all the time we received nudgings from the Lord to encourage a sibling-in-Christ, did we act upon it? I am very sure many times too we received promptings from the Lord to repent from our sins but because there are no accountability to one another due to either no one cared or there is no one for us to account to, we continue to sin and sink deeper.

I am sure the devil is now laughing out loud that he might not have been defeated afterall since there are Christians slowly falling away and other Christians are not doing anything about it.

Well, all said, what am I going to do about it? I want to do something for the people I love and I hope many more of us Christians will do likewise so that we can start growing towards godliness and holiness; start walking with one another in this life's journey; start picking each other up when one falls; start being doer of the Word and not just hearer; start living out victorious lives!

May the Lord be our help.

"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." Proverbs 15:30-32

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Proverbs 27:5

"He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue." Proverbs 28:23

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:2-5

Lending A Hand

I thought I do some blogging while thinking about my approach for this Sunday's Youth Ministry (YM) lesson that I am teaching. The topic is about giving. I pray the Lord will grant me insights and that I will be able to get a clearer picture along the way.

Two interesting incidents happened since midnight. At around 1:15 this morning, I was doing some work on my computer when suddenly I heard a couple of loud popping noises where the pedestrian bridge is. I looked out of the window and saw four teenagers (3 guys and 1 girl) breaking fluorescent light tubes onto the ground. Pieces of glass were strew all over. Around that area is the frequented route taken by young parents walking their kids in the morning and evening.

Concerned that these broken pieces may injure the passers-by, I wanted to go down and tell the youths to stop their nonsensical and inconsiderate acts. Knowing that I would be outnumbered, I decided to call the police for assistance. While waiting for their arrival, I was trailing the youths. They were kicking down dustbins as they walked. Finally they sat down on the stone-chairs at the void-deck of my block. That was when I waited at a distance for the police to arrive.

A short while later, a patrol car arrived. I identified myself to the two officers and together we approached the foursome. One fled in a bicycle but the other three were apprehended. We had them seated down. It was here that I recognised one of the youths. I knew him since he was a kid, living in the same block. He was a nice and courteous boy. His father passed away suddenly about 4 years ago. When he saw me, he drooped his head. He now has tattoos all over his hands and neck. I spoke to him while the police were interrogating the rest. He told me they were bored. When I asked him where they got the fluorescent tubes from, he told me they just detached them from the light panels of the pedestrian bridge.

After taking down their statements, the officers decided to let them off with a warning. I was glad they did that. I guess these youths did not think of the consequences of their actions but now I am sure they do before they commit any more silly acts. Before they could leave, they were instructed to sweep away the broken glasses and to place the dustbins in their original positions.

I walked the youth I know to his flat and told him to behave himself lest he gets into deeper trouble. He nodded his head before entering his home. While I was walking away, I heard the rattling sound from the chain of a bicycle. I turned back and saw the brother of the teenager. I figured he was the one who ran away when the police made their approaches. I left it as it was and headed home.

I prayed for all four of the youths as I walked back to my flat that the Lord will minister to them - I do not know how He would do that but I felt the burden to pray for them. I may follow up with the youth living just one level below mine. I do not know how yet but shall let God prompt me accordingly.

The other incident occured when I was waiting for the train. I was heading for town then, which I am now at in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean. I saw a lady wearing a black outfit suddenly falling to the ground from the reflection of the glass doors. I turned around and realised she had fainted. I asked a student to notify the station officers while another man and I attended to the lady. She was semi-conscious. A staff came and we basically kept talking to the lady to ensure that she did not pass out completely. I think she is pregnant as her tummy is bigger than usual.

Anyway, 10 minutes later, the ambulance arrived. We let the medical officers take over. After ensuring that she did not hurt herself seriously, they put her on the stretcher and carried her to the ambulance.

I think the lady will be fine. My only concern is whether the baby is okay - that is if she is really pregnant. I whispered a word of prayer for her as I took the escalator down and waited for the next train to arrive.

I never expected this new day to be so eventful. I thank God though that I was able to assist as much as I could. I hope He can use me more to minister to that particular youth I know.

I decided to go out to catch a breather. Mum is beginning to have a bit of rashes on parts of her body - just a little itchy she said. I am glad the doctor prescibed some cream for her. Dad applied it on her and it helped soothe the discomfort. I cooked lunch for every one before I went out.

I did not sleep well the whole night - slept at around three and was awoken by dad around 7am. I could not sleep after that.

Well, I shall stop here for now. I have some more thoughts to write but shall leave that to tonight.

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity." Colossians 4:5

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2

Reminder: We Are On Transit

I was with mum at the hospital this morning for her second radiotherapy session. While waiting for her to finish the treatment, I decided to take a walk around the Accident and Emergency department. As I was walking towards one of the treatment rooms, a body was wheeled out and it kind of gave me a shock. I shan't go into details what I saw but it has now etched in my mind that I cannot stop thinking about it.

Well, it was good for me to have experienced the above-mentioned. This death I saw serves as a good reminder for me about life here on earth.

I do not know how many of us have forgotten that this life we live on earth is just temporary - a transit. I must confess I tend to forget about this in many occasions.

It is important that we, as Christians, remember so that we do not let this life here take away what is eternal. Some examples:-

1) Do not let the pursuits of ambition and money (by toiling our lives at work) take away precious time we could have spent to know God better and to use His blessings upon us to minister to the lives of others (like our families, friends and those in need). Remember that the possessions we have on earth will remain here when we die.

2) Do not give up something eternal (like our relationship with God) for something temporary (like the pleasures of this world). Remember that when we die, these pleasures will not leave with us but one thing is for sure, we will still have to meet God in judgement.

3) Do not let the worries and pains of this fallen world affect us to the point where we do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember when we die, these worries and pains remain here on earth and we will be freed from all of life's struggles.

4) Do not get too comfortable settling here on earth, it will be a lot harder when we know we have to leave soon.

These were some thoughts I had. It is my prayer that we know our flight status here on earth - the ticket of life you are holding in your hand is marked as "Transit" - be always ready to catch the flight when called upon. If not, it may just be a little too late.

We can still enjoy life here but do not let that enjoyment lure us away from God.

It is amazing how I got the verse below - after sharing the above thoughts, I was asking the Lord what verse or passage touches on this topic. When I went on the BibleGateway website, this verse was the site's Verse of the Day. Thanks be to God!

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

Punctuality Speaks A Lot About Us

I went for my final interview this afternoon. Again it was a battle of whether I should get into the good books of the interviewers by sucking up to them or giving them my frankest opinions regardless of whether my views are pleasing to their ears or not. Anyway, I chose the latter.

There were many random questions asked. I tried to answer them as best as I could. Anyway, thanks be to God that the interviews have finally come to pass and I shall lay them to rest. It was a good experience for me.

I came home not too long ago from a birthday celebration for a sister-in-Christ. It was not planned that I joined in this get-together. As earlier I was with the birthday girl and another sister-in-Christ to check out some cameras, they invited me to join them for the meal. I agreed and enjoyed the fellowship.

On my way home I was just thinking about one of the topics in the conversation over dinner - it was about "Punctuality." Since I am on this, I thought I write some of my views on it.

I think it is very important for all to be punctual and these are some of my thoughts:-

1) It shows how much we value and cherish the relationship with the other party we are meeting. Even if we do not value that friendship, it does not mean we can be late for that appointment.

2) It speaks a lot about our character. Being punctual is a discipline and a responsibility.

3) Punctuality does not take into consideration whether the other party we are meeting is habitually late thus giving us the excuse that we can be late too. This does not help in the situation at all as it basically encourages all to be late. We should try to help the other party to be on time by first being punctual ourselves.

4) It is important for us to forecast our schedules for the day and evaluate whether we will be late for an appointment. If we think we are, we should call in advance the other party we are meeting and change the time of meet. This allows him or her not to waste time waiting but to use it to do other things.

5) We should show our displeasure occasionally to the other party if he or she is habitually late - not to put the person down but to allow him or her to learn to spare a thought for others. Many times we try to be diplomatic and accommodating but in doing so we are not helping the other party at all.

Well, these are just some of my views. I understand that sometimes being late is out of our control like suddenly our bosses call for a last-minute meeting; there is a jam; the train or bus broke down; suddenly we have a stomachache; etc. All these unforseen circumstances do happen but not to the point of them being too frequent.

Do spare a thought for others the next time we make an appointment with someone. If we do not start training ourselves at some point, we will never be able to practise punctuality at all in our lives.

It has been a traumatising first half of the day but God was gracious enough to give me a time of relaxation and fun with my siblings-in-Christ shopping and fellowshipping in the second half.

Thanks be to God for everything.

"He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." Proverbs 10:17

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." Hebrews 12:11-12

Thanks Be To God!

I met a dear friend for dinner and I enjoyed myself tremendously. It was a memorable time and the most meaningful and unique of all the birthday celebrations I have ever had.

As I left the planning to her, she decided to buy some food (sushies and roasted spring chicken) from Carrefour and then head to the Sky Garden of Suntec City for a picnic. I felt bad for spoiling her plan though. We met by coincidence when we were walking on opposite directions of the shopping centre.

No matter what, I appreciate her effort and thought. I cherished the time of fellowship with her especially, knowing that in a couple of weeks, she will be leaving for her studies overseas. Just as much as I am happy that she has been given a chance to go to another country to experience a whole new chapter in her life, I am also sad that her friends and I will miss her for the next two years.

Well, I guess this is where I thank God for technologies - though she may be far away, she can still be near as we correspond via the internet or phone.

We started and ended off the moment spent together praying for one another. I am glad we did that as it is always good to have God in the midst of our fellowship. :)

I praise the Lord for giving me such a dear friend! She has been and will always be great blessing.

I also want to thank God for a dear brother-in-Christ who just received a scholarship grant from a bank for his undergraduate studies, commencing this August. I rejoiced with him when he called in the evening to inform me about it. Praise the Lord! It is my prayer that this brother will always remember God's goodness in his life and that he will give of his best for God's glory.

Tomorrow is the final interview for my scholarship application. No matter what the outcome is, I thank God for allowing me to go through this experience. I will give my best and the rest I will leave it to Him. I guess He knows what is best for my life.

Okie, I shall try to sleep early so that I will have all the energy to concentrate during the interview.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:10-12

Are We Really Friends?

I am in between appointments now - left campus after a meeting and at 7:45pm I am meeting a dear friend for dinner. Since it was no point for me to go home, I am now in Centrepoint Coffee Bean, writing this blog and later surfing the net for some information.

Just this morning while I was travelling to campus, I was pondering on this word called "Friendship." This word came to mind because during the Youth Ministry (YM) Retreat, the speaker touched on this and yesterday when I was conducting the YM teaching session, there was also a part on this topic.

So what does it really mean to be a friend to another? I cannot speak for others what their views are but I can speak about mine.

I have always felt that being a friend to another is always about building. This is of course an ideal but it is not impossible to practise. As far as I can I will try my best to be there for my friends even though sometimes I feel inadequate in meeting some of their needs. I want them to know that I am always trying to be a better friend to them though I have to admit I have my shortcomings which sometimes hampers the growth of our friendship. It is sad but that is the reality of things. That is why lately I am asking the Lord to help me overcome my weaknesses so that I do not let them affect my relationship with others.

What bothers me, and I am guilty of this sometimes, is how friends easily put one another down with their words and actions when they know it is wrong to do so. This happens even amongst close friends and I have experienced this in my own company of closer friends. I have hurt and I have been hurt as well.

It takes so long a time to build a friendship but all it takes is one insensitive statement or action to destroy that bond almost instantaneously. Is it worth it at all? Why hurt our friends with our words and actions when we ourselves do not wish to be hurt by others?

Friends are gifts from God - cherish every single one of them. I have lost a few over the years and I guess I have been a bad steward in these that God has given me. I hope I will not commit the same mistake all over again.

Well, these were the thoughts I had. I still have a lot to learn with regard to this area of my life. May the Lord continue to teach and guide me.

I shall end here for now.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13

Lift My Burdens, Lord!

I just came home from a sister-in-Christ's birthday get-together. I was actually very tired but I am thankful to God for sustaining me till now. I hope I can rest sufficiently the whole of tonight. I was hoping to sleep in tomorrow morning but have to go back campus for a meeting at 8:30am.

Throughout the whole of the gathering, though I was tired, I was troubled for a sister-in-Christ. I will not disclose much but I received a nudging to speak to her about something that is going on in her life. I hate confrontations and I do not know whether I am the appropriate person to do so since I am a guy. I guess I will take the next few days to seek the Lord in this and hope He will provide a way out for me.

I was sharing with the youths during the retreat that when the Lord prompts us to encourage or help another sibling-in-Christ in need, we should act upon it without hesitation. I guess I need to apply this in my own life. Many times I know I should be doing something for a brother or sister but I did not - again, I really do not like confrontations. I guess if I love my brother or sister, I should put aside any reservations and just do it for that sibling-in-Christ's sake.

Anyway, I guess I will keep her in prayer first. I do not know why but lately my heart has been very burdened and heavy. As much as I could, I have been surrendering to God my anxieties and concerns but still there is not much of a peace in my heart. Have I not been doing something right? I really am clueless.

Well, perhaps there is something for me to learn here but I do not know what exactly the lesson is. Hopefully the Lord will reveal it to me someday.

Just spoke to mum - glad she and dad had a fruitful time together when they went to MacRitchie for a walk.

I shall end here. Thanks be to God for sustaining me throughout the whole of last week. What is ahead for this week I am not too sure but I shall react to the circumstances accordingly. May the Lord be my help.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid? One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 29:1, 4-5, 8 & 14

Thank You, Fathers

Today is Father's Day - my brother and I wanted to celebrate for dad but he said not this year due to mum's medical condition. Yesterday I went out to buy a mango cake for dad since he loves this flavour a lot. I was glad he enjoyed the cake.

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean - to do some reading and blogging. I decided not to go home as I wanted mum and dad to spend some time on their own. I think he may be bringing mum out somewhere - heard her mentioned it last night. I pray they will have a good time together. I am also happy that mum is going out of the house as I feel it is not good for her to always be cooped up at home.

The sermon today on what a father should be, as instructed in the Bible, ministered to me a lot. I learnt three roles of a father:-

1) He is the Leader of the Family (Ephesians 5:22-24)

He is the head of the household and it is his responsibility to lead his family.

2) He is the Lover of the Family (Ephesians 5:24-29)

He must show unconditional, sacrificial and self-giving love to his family.

3) He is the Levite (Priest) of the Family (Ephesians 6:4)

He is responsible of the spiritual well-being of His family. His primary ministry should be that of home.

If ever I got married and have a chance to be a father, it is my prayer and desire to live out these three roles.

At the end of his sermon, the speaker played a video clip (http://parentswish.com/site02/big.html) on a message that parents have for their children. I was touched by that clip as it reminded me of how old my parents are now; of how they brought me up though some methods they used were ineffective; of how they tried their best to be as good a parent as they can be; of how they now have medical problems and it is the role of me, as their child, to take care of their needs; of how one day they would be gone.

As I have shared in my previous blogs, I was never that close to mum and dad but in the recent years, we are drawing closer to one another. It might come a bit late but it is better late than never, I guess.

It is my prayer that in their living years, I will continue to strive to be as filial a child to them as possible. I may fail at times due to my shortcomings but I will keep trying.

Well, these are some thoughts which I would like share on this blog.

To my Heavenly Father, earthly father, God-father and all fathers, a God-blessed Father's Day to you!

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ephesians 5:22-31

A Quiet Time With God

I just finished preparing for tomorrow's Youth Ministry (YM) teaching session. Praise the Lord! I had wanted to do the lesson-plan last night but after a day at the YM Spiritual Retreat, I was too drained to do so.

I want to thank God for the retreat and for all who attended. I believe every one has been ministered by God in one way or another. I also praise the Lord for guiding my team and I in conducting the workshops - all went as smoothly as they could. I will not share the details as they have now come to pass and all glory goes to our God Almighty!

I enjoyed the silent retreat most - we started from around 10pm last night till this afternoon, just after lunch. As I knew there was this silent moment with the Lord, I went to this retreat with two areas of my life that I need to seek the Lord about.

Well, I am not saying I have very clear directions but they were rather positive. I even had dreams last night related to these two aspects. I hope in time to come, He will reveal and confirm with me His will. I also need God to give me discernment so that I can hear and understand Him more clearly. I hope I will be able to obey Him wherever He wants me to go and whatever He wants me to do.

I was hoping the retreat could have been three days and two nights as it would then give every one more opportunities to not only listening to God but encouraging one another to put to practice what we had learnt.

Anyway, no matter what it is, thanks be to God for the time spent with Him and all my siblings-in-Christ.

I was just contemplating on one thing which I kind of regretted doing - I feel bad for not following the youths back to church in the bus. Instead I hitched a ride from a brother-in-Christ. The reason I had at that time was I needed to go home early so that I could prepare for tomorrow's lesson and also to spend time with my family since both mum and grandma have not been well.

Though the above reason was valid I felt my responsibility as an older sibling should be that of taking care of the needs of my younger brothers and sisters first than mine. Well, it has been done. I hope I will not repeat this. It is not a matter of right or wrong - just that being me, I felt I should have done what I felt above.

Anyway, I shall end here. My eyelids are so heavy now.

Well, praise the Lord for everything!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Following God's Heartbeat

A friend called me after she read my blog today and shared with me about her discouragements in ministry. She was my ex-coursemate in university and is currently involved in youth work at her church.

She was telling me that though sometimes she feels like giving up helping her younger siblings-in-Christ, she knows deep down she must not. Some of them turned their backs on her after she had done so much in their lives. She was just wondering what is the point of putting in so much effort in somone's life when what she gets in return are disappointments. I know she is not expecting recognition but I think it is a mature and right thing for one to repay another's kindness.

I am glad she is pressing on despite of all these setbacks. I guess this is part and parcel of ministry. Well, if the person whom we are trying to minister chooses to go without any gratitude in his heart then so be it - so long as his life has been ministered through our effort (with God's guidance), I guess we can only praise God and let Him take care of the person from there on.

Well, tomorrow is the Youth Ministry (YM) Spiritual Retreat. All the helpers have prayed and put in their best to prepare for this retreat. It is my prayer the Lord will prepare the way and also the hearts of all who will be attending. I was hoping for more to come but they chose not to - I pray for them that God will also minister to them wherever they will be on Friday and Saturday. I will miss them at the camp.

I am praying for a breakthrough in every life attending - youths and leaders alike. I hope this will be the platform for YM to step forward and be a powerful ministry in meeting the needs of the youths in the church and in reaching out to those outside church. I pray YM will be a community of believers whose hearts beat after that of God's.

I also hope the Lord will use me as I share His Word at the workshops and that He will use my team members to make an impact in the lives of the youths. I am burdened but I shall avail myself as an instrument for the Lord to use accordingly.

I guess that is all. I may not be able to blog for the next two days but I will surely write again when I come back from the retreat - hopefully to share countless testimonies of how the Lord has worked in every one's life.

Till then, the Lord bless and keep you all!

"Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:11-12

On The Anvil

I left home quite early today. I went to the hospital to collect some medication for mum. Since I do not have to go for the interview anymore, I thought I spend some time in Botanic Gardens - basically to read God's Word and also to pray - for mum, grandma, the Youth Ministry Spiritual Retreat tomorrow, some burdens of my heart, some concerns I have for a couple of siblings-in-Christ and friends. Today is basically a day of nostalgia.

I was seated in a gazebo and it was the one that my parents used to bring me to when I was a kid. I can still picture the little me running around and climbing up the railings while dad would keep a look-out for me and mum would be reading.

That was almost 30 years ago. Just as much as I did not really enjoy my childhood due to my rebellious nature and rift with mum, I must admit though that I did enjoy some of those times when I spent them with dad to movies and parks and with mum in her office in the old Change Alley where there was this super-ancient lift with the metal grill. It was operated by one uncle. I remember I would always press the lift button and when it reached the level of mum's office, I would say hi to the uncle and run away. Though I have played countless pranks on him, I recalled the many lollipops he gave me. I wonder whether the uncle is still alive. He is a good man.

When I was bored and had nothing else to do, I would mess up the sports items that mum and her workers had packed for deliveries. When I heard her screaming her head off for the mess I created, I would find a big box and hid myself in it. That was my refuge, I guess. I recalled a time when mum had to send a box of tennis rackets to Mr. Champion's store in Peninsula Plaza but when he received the delivery, there were some table-tennis bats in there as well. Of course some tennis rackets were missing as I took them out of the box and mixed them with the other boxes. When he called mum to inform her of the mistakes, mum knew it was my doing and would whack me with the cane. Then I would go to one of the stairways to cry.

I do not know why I am feeling this way today. I guess God wants me to remember the journey I have travelled so far. I am thankful to God for helping me recall what had happened in the past and looking at myself now, I guess He has brought about a breakthrough in my life - for His grace in which I am now a Christian; for the joy in serving Him and my siblings-in-Christ; for teaching me many precious lessons daily; for always pulling me through one trial after another, one setback after another; for allowing me to do something I like in my career and having the free-play of time where I can balance between work and service in church; for the healing of relationships in my family, etc.

It has taken 30 over years for God to mould me to be who I am now and I am still in the process of being on the anvil where He is still hammering me into shape. I guess all these have been made possible because He did not give up on me. For those of my siblings-in-Christ who have been running the race with me, their persistent support and building up of my character have played a major role in who and what I am now. They too did not give up on me. Thanks be to God!

As mentioned earlier I was praying for the YM Spiritual Retreat starting tomorrow. I was asking God how can there be a breakthrough in the lives of the youths. He basically told me to walk with them and not give up on them though sometimes it is so easy to do so when one does not see the results. Being a part of someone's life is a journey. It is not like a cup of instant noodles where once one pours hot water in it, the noodles are ready for consumption.

Just like God and my siblings-in-Christ who took time to mould me to be who I am now, I guess I have to do the same for the rest of my siblings-in-Christ whom I am burdened for. Prayer should also go hand in hand in this process. Only God can bring about a breakthrough in these lives and I am just an instrument that He can use to help them through this experience.

Praise be to God for always being there.

Grandma is still in pain. Bro just called to inform me that the doctor has changed her medication. I pray that would help alleviate the pain. If not, we have been advised to send her to the Accident & Emergency department for further treatment.

Mum seemed okay when I saw her in the morning. She still feels a little tired though.

Well, I shall stop here. I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean - I shall do a final run-through of the lesson-preparations for the two workshops. I also need to buy some more items for the sessions and a present for a sister's birthday this Sunday.

May the Lord be my help in all that I do today.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18

What Would Jesus Have Done?

I got a call at around 7:45pm to inform me about the interview that I am to attend today has been postponed to next Tuesday. An email was also sent to me about the postponement. The time stated was 12:30pm. Apparently one of the staff has been trying to reach me but to no avail. Initially I was quite disappointed that it has been pushed to next week because I had wanted to get it over and done with. Seriously. I am actually quite stressed out by this as I am the sort of person who dreads official meetings like this.

Anyway, looking back now I think it is a blessing in disguise. As I have been quite tired from my busyness with mum's health issue and preparing for the Youth Ministry Spiritual Retreat, taking this one pressurising appointment off my schedule does give me some space to breathe.

Well, for those who have been praying for me in the above-mentioned, I may have to trouble you to extend your prayer support for another 6 more days.

I came back not too long ago from supper with 16 of my siblings-in-Christ. We ended at around 11:45pm. I was afraid I might missed my last bus home. I was on the verge of flagging a cab but there was this voice in me that kept nudging me to wait for the bus. Soon, service 136 came and I took it to Yio Chu Kang Road. I had to alight along this road to take another bus.

When I checked the bus guide, the last bus for service 147 was 11:46pm and my watch read 11:51pm. I told myself this time round I really needed to take a taxi home. Again I hesitated and told the Lord if after two green lights the bus did not arrive, I would have to take the taxi. Guess what? Just before the traffic lights turned red for the third time, the bus appeared. I praised the Lord and happily boarded the bus.

Well, this is not the end of the story. At the next stop, a man came on board and sat next to me. He was very dirty and smelly. He is mentally unsound. He is mute. I do not know whether any one who has been in Serangoon Garden for a long time ever remembered this man who sold Chinese newspapers around Chomps Chomps Hawker Centre many years ago. Because he was mute, he could only make some noises to inform people around he was selling papers.

Anyway, it was this same man I met in the bus and his condition has deteriorated. He tried talking to me and each time he opened his mouth, he would drool. I was struggling whether to change seats but I just could not move as I did not want the man to know I was trying to avoid him. His body odour was quite unbearable actually.

I prayed for the Lord to heal him. I also asked God to help me bear with this man. I know deep down he needed someone to talk to and since he sat next to me, I would just remain where I was and listened to him. Of course I could not understand him but I just listened on.

Well, before I alighted, I waved and bade him farewell. He looked into my direction and returned the wave.

Throughout my struggle to change seats and avoid the man, I recalled many months back a thought that a brother-in-Christ shared in my accountability group. He challenged us when faced with a situation to ask what would Jesus have done if He was in our shoes. That question came to mind and I guess Jesus would have continued sitting with the man.

I really hope the Lord will be close to that man and continue to provide for his needs.

Okay, I want to sleep now. Thanks be to God for yesterday and today!

"A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." Mark 1:40-42

Trials Build Up Character

I sent mum for her first radiotherapy session this morning. I thought it would take a long time. We arrived at the hospital at 8:30am for her to change into the various outfit needed for the procedure. At 9:00am they started the treatment and by 9:30am, everything was done.

I asked mum how it was and she said she did not really feel anything throughout the session. I spoke to the Radiation Oncologist and was informed that mum may develop rashes in the subsequent sessions. It is normal apparently. The specialist told me that we can only react when the side-effects surface as they may differ with individuals.

Well, I thank God that mum pulled through the first session. There are at least 7 more to go. I hope the Lord will continue to sustain her during this period.

I am in church now. I just finished preparing the second workshop. Praise the Lord! I arrived here after sending mum home and cooking lunch for every one at home. I went to the family clinic to ask the doctor about grandma and was told that she has shingles of the mouth. This explains why she is suffering so much pain. This morning she was still groaning. Sigh. I hope the Lord will take away this misery and heal her soon.

Last night I was corresponding with a sister-in-Christ on the MSN and she asked me how come I can still encourage others when I myself am going through crises.

Well, now that I have reflected on that, I thought I share some thoughts on this.

The reason why I am still encouraging others when I am in crises myself is because of the many trials I have experienced in my life. I found it hard to deal with crises when I was a younger Christian because I just could not understand what God was trying to do with my life. But after going through a few major crises like failures in my studies, the rift with mum, my kidney ailment, a break-up with my girlfriend (we were so close to considering marriage but it did not happen due to the uncertainty of my ill-health then and her plans to go overseas to study) and subsequent failures in two other relationship attempts, and also my stomach ulcers, God taught me lessons which made me grow deeper in my faith.

He also showed me what it means to love and care for one another through the very love and care showered upon me by my siblings-in-Christ and friends.

Though I have shared the above-mentioned, I am not saying that I am immuned to disappointments and frustrations and at times, doubts. I am, after all, still a human.

Struggles and crises will always be there till I die, I guess I cannot possibly let them immobilise me all the time. By playing a part in other people's trials also reminds me that I am not the only one suffering in this world. It allows me to be reminded that sometimes the struggles I see as major pales in comparison when I see other people's crises.

I always see fellowship as fellow Christians in the same ship - when we have this picture in mind, it basically tells me that I cannot distant myself from helping others. I have also learnt to be a blessing to others since I myself have been so richly blessed by God. I guess the Golden Rule ("Do to others what you would have them do to you") in the Bible must be practised in this life's journey that all have to travel.

In sharing with one another our crises, we also learnt from one another the various ways in overcoming them. It then makes the trial period much easier to bear.

I am not trying to trivialise or make it sound as if it is easy for all to go through the trials of life. What matters is that we must not let them put us down. Do not forget that we have God and our friends behind us - in going through the valleys and mountains together our struggles will eventually come to pass.

Well, time for me to practise what I have shared above - I am still tired physically, mentally and emotionally but I take comfort that now I have people running alongside me in prayer, in encouragement and in guidance.

Thanks and glory be to God always!

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47

Sabbath-Rest

My family and I just finished dinner. Since mum likes chicken rice, I decided to cook it for her and all. I am glad we finished everything. I also stir-fried bean sprouts with salted fish as a side-dish.

I know grandma, dad and bro are concerned about the radiotherapy treatment that mum has to undergo tomorrow but I guess we decided to put all those aside and just enjoy each other's company.

Grandma is not doing too well today because she has gum infection. It is apparently quite bad - at times we could hear her groaning in her room. Bro accompanied her to see the doctor. She was given painkillers for the infection and also for the nerve. I pray the Lord will heal her soon.

Anyway, a couple of days ago I promised to write some thoughts about my turning 35 this year. As I am on my sabbatical from work for one year, it has been a period of slowing down; of breaking the routine and doing something different; of reflection; of catching up with family and friends; of reflection on my walk with the Lord; of doing more in ministry; of cleaning up my acts as an individual and working on my character-building; of letting God speak through His Word and my siblings-in-Christ. All these have been refreshing and I praise the Lord for the experiences!

There have been some setbacks as well - one was my stomach ulcer which I had to undergo a minor surgery to eradicate the problem; two was a relationship rift with a very dear sister (which I still have no idea what went wrong and frankly I am willing to learn from my mistake if I had erred in any way. Till now I am still hoping for a reconciliation); three was the discouragement I am facing in the area of my service in the missions ministry.

I do not know what exactly is in store for me in the next one year. At the moment my thoughts are on mum whom I pray will recover fully after her treatments; I am going to continue working on overcoming some areas of my shortcomings and weaknesses - all these while I have been rebuked by a few close friends who cared enough to correct me but I just did not take the effort to work on them. Now I feel it is time to wake up and change - basically to put away my childish ways. I hope to attract than repel people in the way I live my life; I also do not know whether I will be offered the scholarship. If I do, I will probably be going overseas to pursue my education but I would prefer to do so the following year (because of mum). The problem is I do not know whether am I allowed to do so. I guess this Thursday I will know when I go for my final interview; it is also my desire to put more effort and thought in my area of service as the missions ministry chairperson - there are a lot of good things happening. I hope the Lord will lead and guide my committee and I.

Well, a summary of the past one year. I decided not to write in details as it would take several paragraphs to do so.

I shall end here and spend some time in prayer with mum and dad.

"There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his." Hebrews 4:9-10

"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:1, 3 & 9

Moments With My God

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean - I was doing some reading and decided to take a break from that and do a bit of blogging now. It has been a wet day today but it is good it poured as the past few days have been very hot and humid.

I decided to go out to spend some time on my own. Sometimes staying at home for too long and having to do the many things that have been crying out to me may not really be healthy to the mind. Catching a breather elsewhere can be refreshing.

Tomorrow will be mum's first treatment. I am quite worried for her actually - I hope the radiotherapy will not have an adverse effect on her body. May the Lord strengthen her from here on and I pray she will not suffer too much. I spent some time with her in prayer before I went out.

When we were in the hospital just now for a check-up to ensure she will be fit to undergo the procedures, I asked her about her thoughts. Mum said she is as okay as she can be. She is still clinging on to my favourite verses of Philippians 4:6-7. Truly, I seek for the Lord's peace to be upon her as she places her trust in Him.

Grandma followed us to the hospital. I thought it was a good idea for her to go along. I felt it was appropriate for her to see the place and also to hear from the doctor herself that the chances of mum's recovery are high. Well, I could see her spirit being lifted up after we left the consultation room.

I intended to prepare for the Youth Ministry (YM) Spiritual Retreat second workshop but I thought I shall give myself a break and not always keep doing. I shall take this day to be refreshed by the Lord in doing as little as possible. I trust that tomorrow He will give me the insights to prepare more productively.

I was corresponding with a dear friend's sister over the sms just now. She forwarded me a sms she received from her friend and I found it very encouraging. It also served as a reminder for me. The sms reads...

"If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God;
Difficult moments, seek God;
Quiet moments, worship God;
Painful moments, trust God;
Every moment, thank God."

Well, I shall praise, seek, worship, trust and thank God today.

Alright, time to stop here for now. I shall carry on with my reading. If there are more thoughts, I shall blog again.

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:4-5, 8 & 14

God Refreshes!

I just came back from a meeting with my team for the Youth Ministry (YM) Spiritual Retreat workshops. We did not schedule this in advance because it slipped my mind after the last one we had. Thanks be to God that though it was a last-minute call for all to attend, every one could make it.

We were also able to finalise the various responsibilities that each team member is to hold. I also thank God that we are now clearer of what we are trying to achieve. Well, the rest is up to the Lord to use us as we speak forth His Word to the youths on Friday. May He minister to us all in His divine ways!

I am very encouraged by the commitment of my team members. All of them always try their very best to attend the meetings though they are busy or could have used the time to do other things. I praise the Lord for each and every one of them: Esther, Xinnie, Xiaoxuan and Wilson. :)

I was in church since noon after I was done with my driving lesson. I took some time to seek the Lord in the lesson-preparation for the first workshop on "Listening to God." When I was on my way to church, I was still pondering on the approach to this topic. Well, as always and as gracious as He has been, I was able to complete the lesson. I may need to fine-tune it but overall the idea was there. Glory be to God! I was quite drained after I was done but it was well worth it as I learnt a lot as I prepared.

In the midst of the above-mentioned, I got a call from one of the mission team members that two tickets were issued wrongly as in the time of departure. Instead of leaving in the evening, they were scheduled in the morning. I was surprised myself when I got the news.

Before I called the ticketing agent, I said a short prayer. The agent went to pursue the matter after that. A while later I got a call that there were many seats available for the return flight - that means the two members should not have a problem coming home. Thanks be to God for His hand in this as I am sure the team was anxious about it.

Well, so much for that. I got a few other people to thank for their birthday greetings and gifts:-

34) Jill - for coming over to church to pass me an Adidas All Blacks carrying bag. I really like it. I will start using it soon. :)

35) Kenneth Tan - for sending your greetings via the sms.

36) Timothy - for sending me your greetings over the sms and promising to give me a treat the next time we meet. Thank you in advance for that.

37) Sean Say - for sending me your greetings over the sms when you were encouraging me about my mum's medical condition.

Well, I always thank God for giving me all these friends. They truly made my day especially at times when I am down and out.

On my way home, I messaged a dear friend to ask her about the Girls' Brigade camp that she is conducting now. Before that I prayed for the Lord to sustain her physically. When she replied my sms, she told me that she is very tired because the past few days she has not been sleeping much. I pray the Lord will refresh her body tonight and that she will be rejuvenated when she wakes up tomorrow.

I shall end here. I am very exhausted.

"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." Jeremiah 31:25

Persevere!

I would really like to write at length tonight but I am too tired to do so. I shall keep it short and hopefully I will be able to write more tomorrow. It will be a busy week for me as I have to prepare for the Youth Ministry (YM) Spiritual Retreat on Friday and Saturday. Then on Sunday I am also supposed to be teaching at the regular YM session.

I need to attend to mum as well - Wednesday will be her first session of radiotherapy. Then on Thursday I need to go for my third and final interview for the scholarship. Wow! I am already overwhelmed typing out what will be happening during this brand new week.

I shall trust the Lord to lead and guide me. I also pray that I will depend on His strength in everything I do.

I have a few more people to thank for sending me their birthday greetings:-

27) Jill - for wishing me when you saw me at the Plaza in church. I forgot to mention your name when I wrote my last blog.

28) Gwen (my God-sis' friend) - for sending your greetings via sms. I was pleasantly surprised.

29) Winston - for sending your greetings via sms. No worries for having forgotten about it a couple of times. :)

30) Wilson - for sending your super-belated greetings via MSN. You are not forgiven for having forgotten my birthday. Sigh.

31) Ben - for sending your greetings via MSN. Thank you in advance also for planning a get-together next week. Looking forward to it!

32) Choon Huat, Sean, Sharon, Peter, Jane, Shaun, Jestyn and Xiaorong (the last three I met them by coincidence) - for singing the birthday song so loudly at the Thomson Plaza Food Court. It was embarrassing but touching. Thank you, Jane, for the brownies and ice-cream.

33) Cham Hui - for your greetings via sms. No worries about missing my birthday yesterday. It is not your fault. Blame it on your sister. Thank you also for your affirming words. :)

Well, I will be keying off soon.

I had a great time of fellowship with one of the YM groups this morning when we discussed about what it means to live a godly lifestyle. I pray all of us will always press on to live a life pleasing in God's sight.

Thanks be to God for all that He has done for me last week.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phlippians 3:14

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

More Wonderful Friends!

I will blog a short one here just to thank a few more people for their birthday greetings:-

23) Romona - for sending me your birthday greetings over the shout-outs on my blog. No need to apologise for not knowing that yesterday was my birthday.

24) Shawn - for sending your greetings over the sms.

25) Shuwen - for emailing me your greetings all the way from Los Angeles.

26) Dunstan - for wishing me when you were on your way to the toilet after the service.

I guess that is all for now. :)

The Friendship Factor

Another 9 more minutes and my birthday will come to pass. On this day I want to give thanks to God for many things. But in this blog today, I want to thank generally for the family and friends who have sent me their birthday greetings and gifts. I would like to write more but I am too tired to do so tonight.

Okay, here goes:-

1) My Almighty God, who is also my Heavenly Father - for giving me life and everyone and everything I have now;

2) My parents - for bringing me up as best as you could to make me to be who I am now and also for your "ang-pows";

3) My grandma - for taking care of me since I was a baby when my parents had to work and for teaching me about the values of life and also for your "ang-pow";

4) My blood brother, Alvin - for your birthday wishes;

5) My God-parents - for calling me early in the morning to send me your birthday greetings from New York. For giving me one of the best gifts ever - something not based on monetary value but on its quality. By that, I meant your prayers for mum's full recovery. I still have a lot of catching up to do with her and I hope the Lord will prolong her life;

6) Lynn - for also giving me the best gift ever, not about a physical one but a present that is based on quality. By that, I meant one thing that you offered to do for me on this special day God has given me. I will think about it and let you know soon. For passing me your laptop bag and also the treat at Hog's Breath Cafe with Alphonsus. For always offering your listening ears when necessary;

6) Alphonsus - for the treat at Hog's Breath Cafe;

7) Steven - for calling me early in the morning to send me your birthday greetings from London. For giving me a gift that I need during this period. For always being such a dear brother;

8) Bertha - for sending me your birthday greetings early in the morning via sms;

9) My God-sis (Vanessa) - for sending me your birthday greetings early in the morning via sms and asking me to buy an apartment since I am eligible now. Sorry, Mei, if Kor has not been a wonderful God-bro to you;

10) Valerie - for sending me your birthday greetings along with your sister;

11) My God-daughter - for your simple but yet meaningful birthday greetings via sms this morning;

12) Kai Ming - for your sms birthday greetings as well and also being such a dear accountability partner for the past two years;

13) Eugenia - for your sms birthday greetings and also lending me your listening ears occasionally;

14) May Lynn - for your sms birthday greetings;

15) Chris (Lynn's friend and also my friend now) - for surprising me with your birthday greetings. I asked you a stupid question as to how you got to know about my birthday when the answer was so obvious;

16) Andrew, Serene and Gabriel - for singing me a birthday song this morning over the phone when you people woke up. For the wonderful dinner at Hog's Breath Cafe this evening;

17) The rugby gang - too many of you to do so by name but you know who you are. Thanks for the voucher and also the group cheer;

18) Michael - for calling this morning to send me your birthday greetings and for being such a dear army buddy all these years. For saving my life during an accident in one of our missions;

19) Tze-Yang, Wee Wei, Sean, Sharon, Choon Huat, Ann, Amy, Peter, Jane, Kelvin, Marjorie, Caitlyn and Brandon - for singing me a birthday song last Saturday during the gathering. For the many years of friendship through running faithfully almost every Sunday;

20) Kim Soon - for sending me your birthday greetings before you left for China on a one-year work stint;

21) Cheryl - for sending your birthday greetings via MSN. I am still waiting for my present;

22) Joseph and Charlene - for giving me a lunch treat yesterday and also for trusting your wedding plans into my hands.

I hope I did not miss out any one. Please forgive me if I did.

I truly thank God for giving me all these wonderful people. I will hold their blessings close to my heart and hope I will be a faithful friend to them all.

May the Lord continue to build our bonds of friendship - that we will always strive to build each other up and not tear one another down. Do forgive me if I have failed as a friend or a family member in the past - bear with me as I press on to be a better friend or family member to all of you.

Thanks be to God for this day!

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13

Seek Reconciliation Always!

This morning grandma spoke with mum and sought her forgiveness for what she had done in the past as in the area of her cursing and swearing. It was humble of grandma to do that and I respect her courage and determination to make right what went wrong several years ago. I hope this is the beginning of the healing process.

I went marketing after waking up at 7am. I just finished cooking some of mum and grandma's favourite dishes - for grandma it was her fried baby squids with dark soya sauce and chilli; for mum it was fried oyster omelette. I also cooked dad's favourite of steam pomfret with plum and salted vegetable and bro's stir-fried asparagus with oyster sauce. We had a good meal together. Thanks be to God for that.

I did not sleep well the whole of this morning. I am feeling tired still but I am sure the Lord will be able to pull me through this day. In a while's time I will be meeting the helpers for the Youth Ministry Spiritual Retreat - I hope we will all have a refreshing time together in fellowship as we hike up Bukit Timah Hill.

I shall end here for now.

"Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." Psalm 25:8-9

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." 1 Peter 3:8-12