Christians For A Cause

I watched a documentary late last night entitled "Stars for a Cause" by Mediacorp's Channel U. The country featured was China where there were scenes of children not having the luxuries of education, basic hygiene and parental love.

It was timely for me to watch this because yesterday I was complaining about many things: what and where to eat for dinner and when I could not decide on one, my mood changed for the worse; not happy with the way my family members and I behave (always taking each other for granted); angry with the phone bill I received where I had to pay an extra $47.24 because I failed to cancel a mobile line which was given to me free for 12 months and now that the promotion has expired, the telco began charging me for it. On top of that, I realised when I was given a new mobile-phone on my birthday by my sister, I forgot to de-activate an auto data download function where each kilo-byte costs me 1.03 cents which amounted to $28.24; being angry with the wireless@sg service for failing to connect.

I think if the above complaints are mad.e known to the children featured in the programme, they would have concluded how 'lucky' I am for having so many luxuries. They would probably wonder too why is it that I am still complaining when I have such a good life.

I felt ashamed when I pondered on the above-mentioned. I guess those who read this blog would agree that many in Singapore are spoilt and that we complain too much unnecessarily: not liking school or work (where many are uneducated and jobless); not liking their parents (where many are orphans); hate their hairstyles (where many are losing theirs to cancer treatment); not having enough clothes or shoes or make-up or accessories (where many do not even have a piece of cloth to warm their bodies); sanctuary too cold (where many do not even have a church to call their own); church Sunday bulletins too much announcements or fonts not nice (when what is more important is praying for the people involved in the ministries being done); car too small or not of certain luxurious brands (where many have to walk miles to reach a destination); house not big enough or located in a prime area (where many do not even have a roof over their heads; even if they do, they are riddled with holes); not pampered with enough spas, massages, pedicures or medicures (where many are covered with sores because of the lack of hygiene); computers too slow (when many do not even have a pen and paper to write); etc; etc; etc!

The complaints of humans are never-ending.

Sometimes when I ask God to bless my family and I, I wonder whether that is the right thing to do because when I have more, I complain I do not have enough.

I think I need to start counting my blessings and cease complaining. It is also time that I do more for others who are in need than to dwell in my discontentment which many times are uncalled for.

Being a child of God and also very involved in the work of missions, I need to be a Christian for a cause. Only when I learn to bless others will I see how blest I am and stop complaining but be thankful. Frankly I have enough, it is time to give to those who do not have enough.

Before I key off... I just met an elderly church member who happened to step into the church office. I asked her how she is and she said she is not okay. When I heard that answer, my heart sank and became heavy. A prompting came to me that she is not doing well physically. I wanted to pray for her but she needed to rush home as someone is giving her a ride. Perhaps I will do so on Sunday when I see her again. May God bless and keep her for now.

Time to go.

"If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:3-12

Enjoy And Cherish Life

I am blogging this in StarBucks after spending some time at Borders, reading magazines on cameras and mobile-phones. I was also at the Photography section and was immersed in the numerous books on this topic.

As I was reading on, it got me interested in Wedding Photography and I bought a book on this. Thanks to a brother-in-Christ who gave me a Borders gift-card on my birthday. I got 20% off due to a print-out discount voucher which Borders sent me via email. On top of that I got another 10% off as I am a preferred card member. Upon payment, I was informed that the membership card had expired last month but the staff still gave me the extra discount. Praise God for him!

In the end, I paid a small amount for an expensive book! I cannot wait to read up on the professional tips featured in there and hope this would aid me should I do more wedding photography in future. :)

During this period of break from work, with the main purpose of taking care of mum who is still recuperating, it has also given me opportunities to do other things which I love: doing ministry (especially missions); cooking; reading on topics of interest like photography, weddings, computers, mobile-phones, etc; photography especially macro-photography (I have decided to do this once a week); wedding coordinations (four this year and two in the early part of next year); meeting up with friends.

The above-mentioned reminded me that there is more to life than just working and selling one's soul to the company. Though companies would love to have such staff but one cannot deny that he should also have a life outside work.

Though many will find me crazy, I have decided that when I go back to work again, I would like to opt for a four-day week (I was actually thinking of a three-day work-week) so that I can use the one extra free day to do all of the above interests. I pray my boss will agree to that (even if that would mean a pay-cut). I know I can still deliver though I am working four days less in a month.

I have friends telling me that I should slog first when I am young so that I have a reasonable kitty in my bank to enjoy an early retirement. As much as that sounds logical, I do not really subscribe to the idea as I believe at every stage of one's life, there is something for him to do and enjoy which at other stages, it may not be possible anymore.

One example is one's health. Yes, I can work hard and be a slave to my company when I am younger but who can guarantee me that I will enjoy life when I am older? What happens if I am inflicted with a disease and succumbed to it? Then all the savings I have would come to naught.

Well, I am at peace having made this decision regarding work. I am sure God will provide regardless of whether I am on a four-day or five-day work-week. :)

I did a cook-out for the church office staff on Wednesday, Praise God the laksa dish was cleared in a matter of an hour by 15 persons - 6kg of noodles, two pots (one big and one medium) of gravy, 2kg of prawns, 1kg of cockles, 1kg of bean-sprouts, 8 big fish-cakes, 2 cucumbers, one container of chillies, one container of laksa leaves, 50 fried bean-curds, 20 kuniyaku jellies and one Peranakan layered cake (done by a brother-in-Christ).

Well, all thanks to grandma for teaching me cooking. It is always a joy when I see friends enjoy the dish I cooked. I pray the Lord will continue to teach me more on this so that I can continue to bless others. Haha. :)

I shall end here for now. Got a couple of stuff to prepare.

God is always good!

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:3-11

Commit My Cooking To The Lord

It has been a busy day for me. I feel like a Martha today - running around, busying myself with preparations for tomorrow's cook-out for the church office staff. There were a couple of frustrations in the midst of the busyness. One thing I realised I did not do is to commit the day to God - hence my negative reaction towards certain situations which did not go as planned. I guess if I had prayed, my attitude would have been different.

Anyway, I started the day at around 10.00am going to Sheng Siong Supermarket in Little India, hoping to get all the stuff in my grocery list. Into the third item, I was told by the staff that the de-shelled cockles, an important ingredient in a laksa dish, would only arrive at 1.30pm. I was irked by the news as that would mean having to wait 3 hours or so for that particular item. I had initially planned to buy everything at one go so that I can do other stuff in the afternoon.

Anyway, I returned the first two items already in the shopping cart and went on to meet my God-Sis and her sister at Parkway Parade Shopping Centre. I did not plan to meet them but since I have time now and that they needed to buy a guitar for their dad's birthday, I thought I lent them a hand in choosing one.

As there was a wet market in the vicinity, I decided to get my stuff there. Again to my frustration, I was unable to get some other items in my list - e.g. the de-shelled frozen prawns. I managed to find the cockles though. I went on to the supermarket in the mall and again no prawns.

I was especially grateful to my God-Sis. She drove me to another Sheng Siong outlet and thanks be to God, I found the prawns. That completed what I needed to buy. We went on to pick another sister of hers who just finished school. After that I got a lift home where everyone went up to visit mum. They also wanted to play with my doggy, Sasha.

After they left, I had lunch with my family. I rested for a while before preparing the ingredients for the laksa gravy. In the evening, before I met two of the MacRitchie Running Fellowship members, I cooked the gravy. While doing that, I realised I forgot to buy another important ingredient, the fried toufu (otherwise known as tao-pok). I guess I will buy them tomorrow when I purchase the noodles at the market in my estate.

The time spent with my two brothers-in-Christ was good. They ran in my estate while I went to shop for more stuff. We then chatted at MacDonalds.

When I came home, I prepared the Kuniyaku jellies to be served as desserts tomorrow. That went well. I also did laundry at the same time.

Now that everything is done, I can breathe better. It can be quite tiring preparing for a cook-out but it was fun too since I am doing it for my friends.

Well, what I learnt or was reminded about is basically the need to include God in all areas of my life - that includes cooking. Haha.

Time to sleep. Good night, all!

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

Jesus Prayer

I am tired and I shall keep this blog short. My objective of updating is to covet the prayers of the readers, who are my siblings-in-Christ, to intercede for mum who is unwell again suddenly.

I just came back from the hospital after bringing mum to the Accident and Emergency Department last evening at around 7pm. When I came home from church, I noticed that mum was weak as she was unable to get out of bed. She was feeling very hot as well.

As I feared she would have another stroke, I quickly took her blood pressure, glucose count and temperature and the readings for all were very high! As much as I was very angry with dad and grandma for taking things too easy though they noticed that mum was not well the whole of yesterday, I calmed myself down and suggested sending her to the hospital.

After several hours of observation and tests carried out, the doctor diagnosed that mum has another bout of Urinal Tract Infection, something that she is proned to getting regularly. Though it is not good news to be told of the infection, I am glad that it is not another stroke. I shall monitor mum's condition closely in the next few days to ensure that all is really well.

Despite of the above scare I got, I want to thank God for two things which He made them happened in order for me to help mum. The first thing was this - after church I had initially planned to go out and not come home so early but when I was in the bus, I decided that I should go home. It was this decision which made me find out about mum's ill-health earlier.

The second was when I was in the hospital. I was questioning God when is He going to stop scaring me with mum's health. I also told Him that I do not know how else to pray for her and the family. When I was telling God those words, I remembered the "Jesus Prayer" a Lay Ministry Staff has been meditating on. The words were "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner."

Throughout the 6 hours I was in hospital, I just mouthed those words of prayer for mum and my family. It brought a lot of comfort and I was assured that mum would be discharged.

God truly answered my prayers and I praise Him for that!

Okie, not a short blog afterall.

My eyelids are super-heavy. Time to sleep.

Good morning, all!

Each One Reach One

I am feeling super-full now after a heavy dinner with the MacRitchie Running Fellowship members at Bugis Junction Foodcourt. I had seafood pasta, afterwhich a bowl of durain, mango and pomelo dessert when we adjourned to a dessert place near the shopping centre. I shall try not to stuff myself so much in future - not too good. :(

Anyway, I had a great time with the gang after being absent for a while, having to take care of mum's health and handling home matters. Praise God for the fellowship. I also had a great time catching up with my God-son whom I was told missed me since I have not seen him for about a month.

I praise God for guiding me when I led in worship this morning at the contemporary service. It has been months since I last led. Though I felt rusty, I told God, since the start of last week, to lead me accordingly. I also reminded myself that I need not be too conscious of how I sing or what people would think of my leading because all those are not important. What matters is how I let God use me as an instrument to bring the people into His presence - basically to worship Him in spirit and in truth!

As I was soaked in worship as I stood on the chancel, there were several times when I just broke down as I praised God. It was a great time of refreshment for me and I thank God for

Today is Missions Emphasis Sunday - there was a video presentation on Operation Connect: Missions where the content was to challenge the church to see themselves as Great Commission Christians and that the work of missions is for all and not some. I was touched when I viewed the testimonies shared by some of the Children's Ministry's Team members who went on the mission trip last year. I trust that God has spoken to many hearts today!

The Assistant Pastor preached on the same subject where he mentioned that the church should be involved in a ministry of interruptions where our lives should not be so focused on ourselves, our busyness, our personal commitments that we forget to see the people who pass us by every day, be it at work or in school or in the public places. He challenged the church to bring blessings into the lives of strangers whom we come across who may be in need. Though it may inconvenient us and may cost us to part some of our material wealth, if each one can reach one, I think it is all worth the sacrifice.

God reminded me of the people whom I have come across as the pastor was preaching the above sermon - some of the intellectually handicapped working in the Coffee Bean joints, the girl in a wheelchair who sings as she wheels herself through the hawker centre in Old Airport Road, a man who goes around Plaza Singapura telling people he has lost his wallet and asked passers-by for some loose change, the aunty who sells tissue papers in the middle of a busy pedestrian crossing between Bugis Junction and Bugis Flea Market, a Malay lady standing at the NTUC Building opposite Singapore Management University offering to sell her child, the prostitutes lingering around a hawker centre in Chinatown soliciting for a sex business with some of the elderly men, the aunty selling tissue papers outside Paragon Shopping Centre, the uncle playing the er-hu in the underpass where it links Orchard MRT to Shaw Towers, etc.

I am certain if I can mention so many examples of people whom I can bless, surely there are many more whom other of my siblings-in-Christ have come across. If each one can reach one, then many of these lives will be saved. I am not even talking about sharing Christ to these individuals. Just simple acts shown to them is sufficient to let them see Christ in our lives and if they so choose God to be in their lives too, then all thanks and praise to Him!

Doing missions is not about just going overseas. There is a mission field where we are here in this island-nation. Are we doing the harvesting where it is plentiful and the workers few?

Well, I pray God can use me despite of my inadequacies and shortcomings. I will start from this moment on. Do join me! ;)

Time to sleep now. A hectic week God has seen me through, a new week I now look forward to! :)

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him. While the beggar held on to Peter and John, all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon's Colonnade." Acts 3:1-11

God's Wisdom

I am very tired now but I am at the same time excited. I decided to jot down my thoughts first before I sleep. In my blog I wrote at the beginning of the week, I mentioned that I would be busy. Well, now as I look back, the week is coming to an end and God has seen me through each day of my busyness. Hallelujah!

I came back not too long ago from the Worship Team rehearsal. The whole morning and afternoon I was troubled as to whether my choice of songs were off. As I was playing the guitar to just have a feel of the flow, it did not really go well especially during the transitions of songs.

I prayed about it but still had no peace. I even reached a point of just overhauling all the songs and have a new list in place. Again I prayed and sought the Lord. My sensing then was to let them be and trust that He will guide.

Before I entered the Worship Hall, I committed everything and everyone to God. Man, He really showed me how He can make all things well regardless of how my human wisdom thought otherwise. I shared with the team my concerns. We prayed. We tried and everything went well! All thanks and praise to God for that!

Though it was a time of practice, for me it was a time of worship as I just sang my heart out - simply in awe of Him.

Well, it feels good to be back worship-leading again. I am looking forward to praising God with the rest of my siblings-in-Christ on Sunday and to just soak ourselves in the presence of Him!

One more confession I had was how I allowed my insecurity of the songs I chose to affect my mood and in turn stumbled my God-sister who was with me in church doing her revisions. This is one area I need to repent from and I pray God will give me the desire and courage to change.

Time to end here. I hope the clothes in my washing machine are cleaned. I shall sleep once I have finished hanging up the laundry.

To God be the glory! :)

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." 1 Corinthians 2:4-6

Busy? Rest!

Today is Father's Day and I wish all fathers and God-fathers a God-blessed Father's Day! :) I made a boo-boo after waking up from a nap just now. What I knew from mum last night was that the family will be having dinner today for a simple celebration for dad. When I got out of bed at around 5 plus, I was told by grandma that there would be no dinner. As my parents were still out, I thought the meal was cancelled at the last minute.

Anyway, I went out after a bath to Plaza Singapura to enquire at the StarHub branch about some functions of my new handphone which I received as a birthday gift. At the same time to have my dinner. As I was still quite full, I did not eat much at the foodcourt. I was walking around the supermarket when I got a call from mum. She asked how come I was not back yet. I explained to her and it was here I realised the dinner plan at home was still on. What grandma told me was the cancellation of dinner for tomorrow.

I quickly rushed back and joined every one for the time of celebration for dad. I bought a cake on my way home. I also apologised for making every one wait. Haha.

As I am typing my thoughts, my mind is now filled with the schedules for this new week. It is going to be busy and I prayed earlier for the Lord to help me pull through it - tomorrow I have to plan the songs for Sunday's contemporary service which I will be leading; Tuesday I have to meet my accountability group in the early morning, bring mum for her medical check-up in the late morning and meet a group of siblings-in-Christ in the evening as they will be celebrating my birthday; Wednesday I have to bring mum for another check-up; Thursday I have the Missions Committee meeting; and Friday I have to be at the Worship Team rehearsal. The only breather I will be having is Saturday which I think by then I would be zonked out!

Well, I am trusting God to pull me through one day at a time.

My God-sister and I brought Sasha to Botanic Gardens for lunch after church. It started to pour as we were heading for our destination. We ate at the shelter and when the rain eased up, we walked the doggy around the park. Sasha's coat was wet and when I got home I had to bathe her.

During the walk, I chanced upon a tortoise which was trying its best to climb out of the pond. For a moment I thought it was going to succeed but after a futile attempt and probably exhausted, it fell back into the pond. Life can be like that sometimes - the question I had as I walked away was whether there should be moments in our lives where we should learn to let go and not keep chasing after certain dreams till we burn out. Yes, many times we tell people not to give up but I think there need to have moments when we should - maybe it is not something God wants us to pursue; that it may not be beneficial to us or the people close to us; that we should seek other avenues - basically to step back and see the bigger picture and not have the frog-in-the-well syndrome.

Anyway, praise God for the above reflection.

Well, time for me to stop here. I shall look forward to the week ahead. ;)

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

Spring-Cleaning

It is 10.42pm and I have been spring-cleaning the house since 7.30am! I woke up at 6.35am, bathed the Peach-Faced Lovebird and Sasha. After that it was cleaning and cleaning and cleaning! I may be blogging now but I am not done yet. I am still waiting for my brother to finish his side of the packing so that I can mop the whole house after that. I do not know what time he will be done but it will definitely be into the wee hours of the morning. Ahhh!!!!!!!

You will be shocked at the amount of things we had to throw away and they are scary!!! First of all, the store-room - the one place where I dare not open the door. If I do, I will face an avalanche. Yes! In Potong Pasir there is such a calamity!

I have been enduring the amount of rubbish my parents and brother have been storing up and this morning I told every one I would be throwing a lot of things and a lot we did - 13 big cartons of unwanted stuff which have been kept in the store-room for more than 10 years. Guess what?! I found 4 blenders, two coffee-makers, two ovens and 3 woks!!! They are not old, mind you. New! I was shocked when I opened several boxes labelled appliances!

A few occasions I had to buy new ones to replace those which have broken down, not knowing that there are so many in the store-room. Anyway, I got rid of all of them by giving them to the Salvation Army. If you do see a few Tefal appliances at the Family Shop along Upper Serangoon Road, those would be mine.

I had to also throw away mum's collection of bags. Can you imagine this? More than 50 over bags and more than a third not used. Every bag I planned to throw, she would say she will use it but those bags have been in the cupboard for over 10 years. Hmmm... what's with the "I will use it"? Anyway, those which looked okay I kept but I threw away more than half of them. Likewise for her clothes, dad's and bro's! All to the Salvation Army!

Haha! My neighbours thought that the family is going to move house when they saw the boxes along the corridor but when I told them they are rubbish, they almost fainted!

Well, the house looks like a house again! Air is so much fresher! Less dust flying around and more space for one to walk about. Man!

Anyway, as much as I did the above spring-cleaning of my home, over the weekend I let God did some spring-cleaning of my life. I attended the Youth Ministry's "Encounter '09" Spiritual Retreat at my church. I went as a mentor to my younger siblings-in-Christ but I also needed God to mentor me especially during this difficult period at home.

My life seems to be in a mess with loads of rubbish to repent from. Well, I did not regret attending this three-day get-away from home and I have to say this - I ENCOUNTERED GOD! In fact, all the youths encountered Him! Throughout the three days, we have been given a lot of time to do personal reflections and that really allowed us to be still and know that God is present.

Yesterday was the last day. In the morning we spent the time praising God and also sharing of testimonies on how God has spoken to us. After that we went into more time of praise and that was when the floodgates of heaven opened and every youth in the room began to wept and being ministered by the Holy Spirit. I came across the Asbury Revival which Pastor Barnabas showed the church during the Holy Week service - well, yesterday the same thing happened! We could not stopped praising God. Many youths fell onto their knees in awe of God's presence. Many of them renounced their sins. Many of them were released from the pressure they have been facing in school and at home. Many decided to have a closer relationship with God. Many decided to build a closer tie with the other youths in the ministry. Youths were praying with and for one another. They were hugging each other. They were embracing each other.

The above may sound common especially for churches who have been experiencing this week after week but for the church I am in, it is rare. Hence, yesterday's encounter with God was new to many! I had to pray for some youths and as I touched them, I just wept along with them. It felt as if I could sense what they are going through and that was when I started interceding for them. Words of encouragement poured forth.

All thanks and praise to God for His mercy on my church and on the Youth Ministry. I believer many, if not all, their lives will never be the same again. Another strong evident of the presence of God in the Upper Room where we were in was this boy who did not join the retreat but came to join in the time of praise and worship. Though he did not know what we have been doing but during the time of prayer, he too wept. He too began to praise God. Surely, God was in our midst! Hallelujah!

Well, nothing new came up in my own time of reflection except two passages God reminded me of - Phillippians 4:6-7 and Psalm 46:10.

Though I know these two passages, my eyes opened and my heart refreshed, My mind began to unclog and my body rejuvenated.

God is awesome! He is awesome!

Okie, time to stop here! I am all set to mop the house! ;)

Good night, every one and have a great week of adventure ahead!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10a

Clay Being Moulded

All thanks and praise to God for creating me 37 years ago when I think policemen were still wearing shorts in that era. :) Anyway, last night I did a countdown on my own when the clock hit 12.00am. It was a reflective moment for me.

I was just pondering on the fact that I was once a baby, innocent and not having the slightest worry in the world, and 37 years later I am a man, having fallen into the teachings of the world and having so many things to be concerned about.

What matters to me now is not about dwelling into the shortcomings of my life or regret some of the things I have or have not done. What is vital is basically the need for me to keep close to God and allow Him to continue to mould me to what He wants me to be. Even when I am in my 70s, I am still being shaped.

I give thanks to God for haivng seen me through my pilgrim's journey thus far. It is not perfect. In fact it will never be perfect but as much as I can I will let God continue to shine His light before me so that I will not trod blindly but with a direction.

I am going to make the best of each second God has given me and hopefully I will be a good steward of that precious time. :)

Well, it is not going to be a ra-ra day for me but I will still enjoy it!

"Almighty God, you led me in the past, is still leading in the present and will continue to lead in the future. My life is in Your hands. Use me as you deem appropriate. Amen."

"O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8

Bearing With One Another

I have no qualms sharing this - I am very disappointed with dad. Sometimes I feel like giving up showing my care and concern for his physical well-being.

I admitted the last time when I told him to watch what he drinks (especially fizzy drinks), my tone was a bit condescending but yesterday's incident was far from that.

I do not know whether is it because dad is old hence he does not really bother about his personal hygiene but there are some practices which my brother and I feel that he still needs to watch. Anyway, yesterday I casually asked him to take care of one part of his hygiene. I said it in a nice, casual and friendly tone - the reply I got was the same as the soft-drink incident.

He raised his voice and said that it is his life and if he should suffer, it is his problem and not ours, etc. What I do not like about dad is that he never stops to think first before trying to defend himself and his words can sometimes hurt deeply - yesterday it felt like a sword jabbing into my heart.

What pained me was he did it in front of mum which I felt was insensitive of him. This morning when I took mum's blood pressure and when I told her about the reading, she sighed. I asked her whether she has been thinking a lot and she said yes. I guess she still worries for the family. Anyway, I prayed with her in the presence of dad who was also in the room.

I hardly pray with mum especially on issues of the family but I felt led to do so at that point. I basically asked the Lord to help the members in my family not to treat each other like enemies but to love. I also prayed that He will help us forgive each other of past hurts caused and to let Him heal and united the family.

This is my heart's desire for the family. Yesterday after the incident with dad, I decided to go out and breathe a little. I took a train to Hougang and walked around the area. I reflected and I also spoke with God.

Someone ever told me not to air my dirty laundry on my blog. I do not know on what basis he was telling me not to do it but for me I will continue to do so as it is a real struggle I am experiencing as a Christian and an adult in this life's journey.

I am blogging it not to put anyone down but to basically let others know how I deal with life the human way initially and after that the Christian way (which sometimes is hard to practice as there is this constant battle between human wisdom and Godly wisdom) and eventually how God pulled me through this particular episode of my walk.

Another reason I jot my thoughts down is for readers of my blog, who are Christians, to pray for me.

Anyway, it is so ironic that I actually shared with my accountability group on Wednesday about my struggles at home and how I am trying to deal with it the correct way and when I had to do it the following day, I got such an unpleasant response from someone I love.

Well, my family members are humans too. I guess I will have to bear with them just like I want others to bear with my shortcomings.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

My Plea To All Parents

Last Sunday, my Pastor-in-Charge shared an illustration in her sermon about her classmate, during the release of the 'O' Level examinations results, running to her father in happiness after she got a B for one of her papers and As for the rest. Instead of the father sharing her joy, he chided his daughter because of that one B. My Pastor saw how devastated her friend was when that remark was made.

I could identify with the above example because I was in the same shoes as that girl - not like the good results she had though. As I have shared in my previous blogs, mum liked to pick on the poor scores I attained for a paper when many times I have done pretty well in others. She would then put me down.

This week I heard of a similar incident where someone I know is also being put down by one of her parents just because she failed one paper and pull through the rest. Remarks were made like how disappointed the parent was; how the parent wish this friend of mine would wake up; that she should be like the rest of her friends who pulled through; etc.

Yes, I cannot deny the fact that parents always desire for their children to excel in what they do but in order to help them reach that goal, they should not be so insensitive as to put their children down just because along the way they faced a setback. I know parents meant well. As much as they have good intentions in making certain remarks to their children, they must also consider the psychological effect those words can have on their kids.

Why put their own flesh and blood down when parents can actually affirm their children in the rest of the papers they pulled through?

Is it because parents are trying to protect their own reputations by not losing face to their friends whose children had done better? Is it because parents could not achieve a goal they had been pursuing in their younger days hence they are now imposing their ambitions on their children? Is it because parents see their children as investments hence they want to reap the returns as soon as possible?

Speaking as a child of my parents, I hope all fathers and mothers would stop and think first before they start making hurtful remarks to their children. I also hope that parents would accept the uniqueness of their children and not compare them with their friends' children - some children will take a longer route to reach the same goal so walk alongside them as they persevere on. Yes, parents may have spent or have to spend thousands of dollars in their children's education but do not see them as commodities or shares or bonds where you quickly want to reap returns. Be patient and you will see the results in due time.

I know parents when reprimanding their children hope their words would wake the ideas of their kids up - sometimes it may work but there are also times when it does not. That is why we read or know of some children rebelling against their parents; of kids falling into depression and some committing suicide; of kids suffering from a stroke; of children growing up to be like their parents imposing the same pressures on their own children and the vicious cycle goes on.

Perhaps parents should see the strengths of their children and help them choose a course which suits them and not one which may be popular or could help them earn a bigger salary in future.

Of course children themselves need to assess whether their study methods have been effective; to ask their teachers or course-mates or parents when they are in doubt of the subjects they are studying; etc.

I felt led to write this because my heart is burdened for both parents and their children. The world may breathe down on every one's throat that paper qualification is vital for one's survival in the society but please do not let this cause a family unit to break up or cause a life to be destroyed.

I guess that is all I want to share. Have a restful and pleasant weekend!

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4

Living As God's Child

It is almost a month since mum suffered a stroke. As I look back over the weeks, which have been traumatic for every one at home, I asked myself whether I have acted in faith with regard to how I dealt with the situation so far. All I can say is this - I could have done better. One comfort I have over this reflection is that God has always been in charge regardless of how I reacted badly to certain circumstances.

Yesterday's sermon by the Senior Pastor challenged me to deal with difficult matters differently and to always affirm when I am in contact with people (be in at home, in church, at work, or even in the streets).

After I have heard the message delivered, I prayed and asked God to help me do one thing - to give me the courage to act differently when I deal with the current situation at home. I want to carry myself in such a way where my actions (be it in word or deed) will always channel my family's eyes on God in everything we do.

Yes, my mum is still struggling to walk properly, her bowel movement is still a problem, her face is a bit droopy - no matter what I will struggle with her by praying and also reading God's Word with her.

Yes, my grandma has been badly affected by mum's physical condition; her memory is failing her; she can be a pain at times when she keeps calling me on the phone - no matter what I will affirm her by showing my love towards her, holding her hands when she feels alone; giving her my time even when I sometimes do not feel like doing so (due to the many things I have to handle); and praying with her.

Yes, my dad has been exhausted from travelling to and from the hospital; he sometimes loses his temper and can be unreasonable at times; sometimes it is just so difficult to penetrate through his inner being - no matter what I will continue to be patient with him; to show my love and concern for him; and to be by his side even though he may not want to talk.

Yes, my brother has been affected too; sometimes he distants himself away from the family - no matter what I will continue to be a brother to him by opening myself up to him first; to pray for him especially his salvation; and to let him know that we can pull through this time of trial together.

Well, it is always easy to write what I hope to do but when put into practice, it is another story altogether. I pray I will keep persevering till I am able to do what is right and pleasing in God's sight.

Surely God has allowed mum's stroke to happen for a reason - perhaps to strengthen the faith of my parents, grandma and I; to show my brother that God heals; to bring the family closer as a unit. If that is really the purpose, then surely I will work towards it.

Anyway, I still have not recovered fully from two days of wedding coordination. Praise God though that all went well - both at the church service and also the banquet. I am so happy that the couple enjoyed themselves and pleased with my service. Glory to God! Well, it is always good to see two individuals joined as one before the witnesses of God, their family members and friends.

I guess I shall end here. Time for me to get some work done in the library before I head home.

Have a blessed week ahead!

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:19-27

Step By Step

It has been a long day for me - being in church most of the time, preparing for a wedding of my two siblings-in-Christ over the weekend. Praise God most of the things I have planned to do have been accomplished: the tables and chairs have been arranged; the islands for the lunch reception have been set up by the caterers; the sanctuary is in order; the guests' list in different formats has been printed; all the wedding helpers have been notified about tomorrow's plans; the lighters for the unity candles have been bought; and the pen to be used for the signing of the marriage certificate is prepared and all ready to be used; my file with all the documents is in order.

I just hope I did not forget anything. Haha. Well, we will know tomorrow when the many months of planning is in action!

One thing I have learnt after planning so many weddings is this - no matter how detailed one's planning can be, what will go wrong will go wrong no matter even with the precautionary measures taken. That is why I will leave it to God to guide every one through - I guess the wedding couple and every one who is involved just need to enjoy themselves! :)

In the evening at around 4.45pm, a staff from the church office gave me a lift home as I need to receive mum from the hospital. She has been given permission by the doctors and physio-therapists to come home over the weekend to basically feel her way around the house.

Initially my fears of her not being able to climb up the stairs; of the family members not being able to cope with her physical needs; of not being able to urinate and pass motion; etc are all unfounded. She is coping well and is now sleeping soundly with dad.

What really amazed me was when mum told dad and I not to hold her as she climbed the stairs. With the help of the railings, she pulled herself one step at a time. I prayed for her as she persevered. She managed to reach the third level where my apartment is and came the big welcome of Sasha's tail. Usually Sasha would jump and bark but I think she knows mum is unwell - instead she just jumped and sat next to mum and rested her small little head on mum's lap.

Well, praise God that He has prepared the way and I hope being home, mum will recover even faster - that is of course none of us at home should stress her in any way.

Well, I need to be up early tomorrow. Time for me to sleep.

Have a great and restful weekend, every one!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

God Always Works For The Good!

I have been informed by dad that mum will be allowed home over the weekend. It is basically to let her feel her way around the house and as much as possible, lead as normal a life as possible when she is discharged officially from the hospital.

As much as I am excited to see mum back home, suddenly a fear struck me in the afternoon - how is she going to move around the house since she is still not mobile; what happens if she still cannot urinate and pass motion on her own; can dad and grandma cope since this weekend I am busy coordinating a friend's wedding and my bro is doing his in-camp training?

Then of course, this next thought came to mind - "what bad timing, man!"

As I surrendered the above-mentioned to God, one assurance brought peace to my heart - God will always work for the good of those who love Him! My human wisdom tells me it will be tough for all at home to cope with my mum's coming home and that timing and all are bad but God's assurance is that He can overcome my fears and still make a way for my family and I!

Mum asked me to look around for a walking frame. Initially I was clueless where to buy it. My Pastor-in-charge suggested Salvation Army's Family Thrift Shop; my aunty gave me a couple of contacts; and my sister also got some information. I called the Thrift Shop as it is located near my estate. They have two and I basically asked the staff to reserve them for me. I planned to have a look at them tomorrow morning.

I prayed for God to provide one for me since I need to get it before Friday. Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal just now in the evening, a dear sister-in-Christ gave me a lift home. While I was updating her about mum and mentioning about the walking frame, she said her mum might have one. Immediately this sister-in-Christ called her mother and true enough, the frame is in the store-room. She went all the way to Thomson to collect it and after that gave me a lift home.

I was very touched by the gesture of this sister-in-Christ and I am also grateful to God for answering my prayer. It was not planned that I should get the walking frame from this dear sister but God in His providence, did so through her. Hallelujah!

Well, this serves as a encouragement that God will always be in charge - all I need to do is trust!

Anyway, praise God the wedding rehearsal went pretty well though initially it was messy and there were some hiccups. Again, God will work for the good! :)

I am very very tired. Time to sleep. My back is also killing me - I do not know why exactly.

Good night, world. God is good!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Got Faith Will Heal

This week is going to be a busy one for me - having to look into the health matters of mum and also preparing the wedding of two of my dear siblings-in-Christ.

I feel bad that I have not been able to give my heart and soul to coordinate their wedding due to mum's hospitalisation and also handling matters at home. No matter what, I will try my best to give them my utmost service. May the Lord be the ultimate Wedding Coordinator and that I will just follow His lead as His instrument.

I managed to get a few things done today - in the morning I sent out smses to the wedding helpers regarding tomorrow's wedding rehearsal, bathed my parakeet and doggy; visited mum in the afternoon - prayed with her for a while; met my sister to check out some clothes; had a haircut. When I came home and thought I could rest, I realised the cable TV remote control is spoilt. As I will be busy tomorrow and probably till the end of the week, I decided to go to Plaza Singapura to have the remote control replaced. I thought I had better do it today when I am freer and also to let dad watch the TV with it.

Mum seems to be doing better these few days. Praise God! She is still not able to walk properly on her own but today she was able to bathe on her own. She still has difficulty urinating and passing motion. As much as I am disheartened to hear that, I have decided to channel all my energy to pray for her complete healing.

Grandma is more stable since my last prayer note to my church's Prayer Net. I pray God will continue to give her peace and assurance that He is in the process of healing mum and that all will be well in His time.

I shall end here. Thanks be to God for His goodness!

"Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:14-16

Whatever Is In My Hand

I had a refreshing time spent with a few brothers-in-Christ in my accountability group. We met in the morning to have breakfast and to catch up with one another regarding our lives' adventures.

I am blogging now in church as I did not want to go home and later go out again. I have decided not to visit mum today as well - just basically to be away from the hospital for one day and be refreshed by doing other things.

In the course of our sharing, what impressed upon my heart was what this dear brother shared about how God can use whatever is in our hands powerfully and for His purpose. This is in context of how sometimes we feel inadequate or ill-equipped for something we desire to do which then makes us discouraged and at the end of it all, give up.

Two examples on the above-mentioned. When Moses was called by God to lead the people out of Eqypt, he felt inadequate but God used the staff in Moses' hand to show him that He can use whatever is in Moses' hand for His purpose. That simple piece of wood became a tool to remind Moses of how God would provide for him if he obeys His calling.

The other incident was how the disciples had to feed the five thousands. When Jesus asked them to find food for the people, the disciples were lost as to how it can be done. In the end God showed them His provision and power by using whatever is in the disciples' hands - the five loaves and two fish - and multiplied them in such an abundance that even after the tummies of the five thousands are filled, there were still balance.

God can use whatever is in our hands for His work and purpose. Sometimes we use our human wisdom to the point where it scares us or prevents us from doing His work. At the end of it all, we need to be mindful that God is great and His grace is sufficient for all. We, as His people, can do all things through Him who gives us strength.

Well, this revelation serves as an encouragement to me during this time when I have to deal with so many things but with limited strength and resources. I must remind myself that God is my well and surely His will never run dry.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Preserve My Family, Lord

I spoke to the doctor regarding the scan mum had yesterday. Her initial blood clot is diminishing but they found another one. It is much smaller though. So far mum is neurologically stable but the doctors will monitor her and also increase the medication to eradicate the new problem.

Surprisingly I was calm when I heard the news. Maybe because I was too tired to react. Anyway, I shall not jump the gun unnecessarily and trust that God is still in control and in the process of healing mum completely, if He so wills.

Lately I am concerned for grandma. I think mentally she is not doing too well. She will occasionally go into this mode of self-pity and start thinking that her loved ones are deserting her. She created such a big hoo-hah this morning that my brother and I were affected. I pray that God will continue to preserve her mental state and allow her to find peace in Him.

After visiting mum, I went to Starbucks in town with my sister - I did some work for the Leaders Planning Day this Saturday and also to prepare some stuff for the year-end mission trips; my sister did her course work.

It is always refreshing to be away from home and hospital. I just need to get out of those places to maintain my sanity.

Anyway, I shall go sleep soon as I have to meet my accountability group early in the morning.

Good night, all.

Slowly But Surely

I shall keep this short as I am tired.

Mum looks better today. I had a short chat with the doctor. He updated me that the muscles/nerves around mum's left side of the face have been affected by the stroke. It may not be the same as before but they will try their best to not let it deterioriate further by giving her medication. He parallel this condition to that of the aftermath of an earthquake.

Anyway, mum complained to me yesterday that she is sick of the hospital food. This morning, I went to brew chicken soup for her. I could tell that she enjoyed it when I served the soup to her. She was happily slurping it.

Well, I pray God will continue His healing process on mum and may He also sustain all in the family as we walk alongside mum towards the road to recovery.

My Help Comes From The Lord

I visited mum in the afternoon and was concerned for her inability to urinate and pass motion. She tried very hard to do them naturally when a nurse brought her to the toilet but could not. In the end a catheter had to be used to help her discharge the waste.

My heart went out to her when I saw how she was trying her best to do the above-mentioned which are so easy for a healthy individual. To know that she could do this about a week and a half ago (before she had her stroke) pains me even more.

Again I felt so helpless. All I could do was to ask God to help her. Tears just rolled down when I could not take it anymore. As I did not want mum to be affected by my reaction to her suffering, I excused myself to somewhere quiet to pray and ask God for His mercy and grace upon her.

Dad told me he is feeling tired. I asked him to go home and rest but he said he will stay with mum till evening. I can see how exhausted he has been since mum's admission. When I was praying, I asked God to give dad extra strength so that he can pull through this difficult period.

I am blogging this in the library as I needed to go somewhere quiet to gather my thoughts. It can be quite depressing going home lately - every one is down; even my doggy is sad - she has been sleeping on my parents' bed, the side where mum usually lies on. Whenever I tried to explain to her what happened to mum and where she is now, Sasha would just droop her head and look at me talk to her. I am so tempted to just smuggle her into the hospital because mum misses her loads too.

Anyway, I shall stop here, pack up and go home. I still have to face reality and try to move on with life.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

Press On!

Though today is Mother's Day, it did not feel like one because mum is in hospital. Grandma was also in no mood to celebrate. Anyway, after church I went with my sister to visit mum. We brought along carrot cake and also a stalk of sunflower to cheer mum up a little. She liked the cake though she could only take half a slice. It made her day, I guess, because she said she is sick of the yucky food that the hospital is serving - basically porridge, minced vegetables and meat.

We prayed with mum and just before we left, I gave mum a peck on her forehead - one that I have not given for a real long time. I hope that will bring a little sunshine into her life.

I am glad I attended the 11.15am service. I was actually hesitating as I did not want to go to the hospital too late and miss the window of the visiting hours. Anyway, I decided to just attend.

I found it hard to mouth the words of the praise songs being sung and when the worship leader asked the congregation to pray for the mothers present in the Worship Hall, I walked out for a moment to pray for mum somewhere else.

The sermon hit hard when the Assistant Pastor shared about the need for all Christians to press on in all they do regardless of the situation they are in. As much as I agreed with his exhortation, I also cannot deny that it can be quite tough at times when one is in a situation like mine. As I reflected on the message, one key point for an individual to be able to press on is the need for him to let go. At least the burdens he is carrying does not weigh him down.

I will continue to grapple with the above thoughts and allow God to work in my life.

Mum seems more alert today. Dad and grandma are also well. Praise God. I am praying as physio-therapy sessions commence again tomorrow that God will give mum the strength to persevere no matter how tough the going may be.

Anyway, being with friends in the evening for dinner also help to refresh me. Praise God for the time spent fellowshipping over dinner.

Time to sleep soon.

I do not know how this new week is going to be but I shall try to look forward to the challenges ahead. May God be my strength and motivator as I venture through each day.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:12-16

Praise God For His Sustenance

I have to deal with not one but three sick family members today. One is mum, the other is dad (who suddenly had a high fever again when he went to visit mum at the hospital) and the third person was grandma (who had a spell of giddiness and throbbing headache).

Dad was not allowed entry into the hospital. He went home and rested instead. I just took his temperature and it is back to normal again. Grandma seemed fine in the evening when I saw her.

I have to admit I almost threw in the towel when I had to deal with the above-mentioned. I just felt overwhelmed suddenly when I became anxious that dad and grandma are not as strong as before. With mum's sudden stroke, I think it affected them badly. If my brother and I are already badly shaken by it, why not grandma and dad. There was a point I just wanted to scream when I was in the ward but thank God, He controlled me.

Anyway, I quickly messaged a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ to pray for me. I felt better after a while. I spent some time praying for mum. I also read her a verse from Philippians 4:13 to remind her that she can do all things through Christ who gives her strength. I needed to tell her that so that she can cling on to the hope that she is not fighting this battle towards recovery alone.

I felt sad when I left the hospital because I realised tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am wondering how I can make it a happy one for mum and grandma though I know deep down they will not be in the mood to celebrate. Perhaps just being there for them would be enough after I prayed about it.

Well, I am drained again but I want to watch the Liverpool-West Ham match later - hopefully I will have the energy to watch all the way.

All thanks and praise to God for pulling me through thus far.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Rolling Back My Burdens On God

I went to visit mum this afternoon. She seemed more alert but still feeling weak. She told me that the physio-therapists at the centre are good, helping her to gain back her sense of balance and also to strengthen her limbs. I encouraged her to try to remember all that she has learnt and to use the exercise techniques when she is back at the ward.

Once in a while, mum would go into this mode of listlessness. I had to call her a few times just to get her attention. My sister and I prayed with her. Hopefully in doing so, the peace of God will rest upon her as she struggles through this period.

What pains my heart is this 180-degree turn of event where last week she was totally fine and now she needs the assistance of others to do the simplest of things which many times we take for granted.

Mum and I have never been close but I still feel deeply for her. I guess that is the bond between a mother and child which can never be broken even though one is distant from the other. As much as I would like to run away from what had happened recently, I know this is one adventure which I have to run with mum.

I was sharing some general thoughts on my Facebook and one thing I wrote was this heaviness that my heart is feeling since yesterday, I cannot really pin-point the cause/reason. Probably it is a combination of reasons.

A timely message came from a dear brother-in-Christ who reminded me to roll back my burdens on God for He will gladly bear the load if I let Him to. I guess it is something I am trying to do but not easy. I hope in time to come I will be able to surrender all.

After the visit, I decided to come to church just to be away from home for a while to catch a breather. I think I need to do that occasionally just so that I will not be choked up.

Well, I shall end here for now. I am feeling quite tired - last night I just could not sleep, tossing and turning, with loads of thoughts in my mind. I pray tonight I will be able to sleep better.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Resting In God Alone

Mum has been transferred to the Tan Tock Seng Hospital's Rehabilitation Centre this afternoon to undergo a two to four-week physio-therapy treatment. She will be warded during this period. What burdened me was how she suddenly became weak when she arrived at the centre in Ang Mo Kio. Her blood pressure also shot up and she became very listless when the doctor examined her.

It pained my heart when I saw her so frail. She has always been a strong woman but now seeing mum in this state just makes me feel so helpless.

Dad is unwell too, running a fever which was quite high in the afternoon. I just took his temperature - thank God it is lower now. I hope he is fine. He always keeps things to himself so I cannot really tell whether he is okay or not. I am praying God will give me the discernment so that I know how to encourage him

I feel exceptionally burdened today - my heart weighs like a ton. As my blog title states yesterday, I think life will not be the same again at home but it is my prayer that it will be for the better though now I cannot see how it will be so. I want to cry but I cannot seem to - I just feel very choked up.

I think I am still trying to handle matters at home with my own strength and understanding. I pray I will learn to let go - placing my burdens on God's throne of grace (as reminded to me by my sister) and allowing Him to work in the family. It is tough I have to admit but I will try.

I am tired again. I shall try to sleep soon and hope tomorrow will be a better for all in the family.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Life Has Changed... But Will Be For The Better!

The doctor monitoring mum's medical condition called me in the afternoon to inform me that it would be beneficial for mum to undergo a rehabilitation programme at Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital for two weeks. It is basically to allow her limbs to be strengthened and also to help her live a normal life again. I am for the idea and it is my prayer that the two-week stay will restore her.

Just now while I was having lunch, it dawned upon me that life at home will never be the same again as in more care and attention need to be given to mum. I also know that grandma is very much affected by this. My brother and I could tell that she has not been herself lately and that she gets anxious easily. Sometimes it gets on our nerves when she keeps repeating the same question as in whether mum is alright but I had to remind ourselves that we need to be patient and constantly affirm her. Dad is also quite lost at times.

When I was on my way home from grocery-shopping, I asked God to be gracious and merciful to my family. It pains my heart to see every one affected. I have to admit that my energy has been sapped and I can only depend on God's strength now to carry me through. As mentioned in my previous blogs, having to take care of three elderly members at home is no joke and this time I am feeling it at its peak. Sometimes I wish I can run away from it but I know I cannot - I guess I have to deal one matter at a time. I also need wisdom and discernment when decisions need to be made.

My pilgrim's journey is at one of its most gruelling stage but I hope I will pass the test when I cross the end point of this particular adventure. At the moment I am weak but I hope I will be a stronger person at the end of it all.

To God be the glory!

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

When Advice Falls On Deaf Ears

I do not know why God allows so many things to happen in my family lately. Just about 5 minutes ago, while I was doing my work in the room, I heard like someone falling in the living room. I rushed out and found dad on the floor near my doggy's cage.

I quickly rushed to help him up. Praise God he is not injured in any way. I asked him whether he slipped or felt light-headed. He said it was the former. I hope he is speaking the truth. I went to check the refrigerator and I still find a bottle of Sprite in it - a clear sign that dad is still drinking fizzy drinks. I do not know how else to advise him.

Sometimes I feel that he should be hit with something bad in order for him to learn but obviously I do not want that to happen as it will be too late. Prevention is better than cure definitely but in dad's case, I am still praying for God to give me words clear enough for him to understand.

Anyway, I went to see mum in the afternoon. I was glad to see her smiling and able to joke with dad and all. She seems more alert and she was able to get out of bed on her own though she is not allowed to walk on her own yet. I guess the physio-therapy is helping.

I wanted to do some work either at the library or cafe after the visit to the hospital but I had a bout of diarrhoea. I decided to head home to purge and rest. Thank God I am better now.

I shall stop here.

Why Are You So Downcast, O My Soul?

All the things that have been happening at home are causing a lot of stress for me. Sometimes I feel very choked up. Not only have I to deal with mum's ill-health, I have to also handle grandma who becomes unnecessarily concern over every single thing. This irks my brother and he would just flare up at her. When I tried to mediate, grandma thinks every one is going against her and then she dwells into self-pity. I am basically hit with a road-block and of course it affects me because every one at home is dear to me and to see things happening as it is, I am just so exhausted emotionally and mentally!

Sometimes I just do not want to stay at home but of course running away from it does not help as the concerns are still in my mind. They basically bug me everywhere I go. Many times I cried out to the Lord but He seems so far away. How I wish He could just answer me immediately but this is not so all the time.

Dad has been affected as well. Sometimes his mind seems to wonder away. It is hard to connect with him though I am trying very hard to do so.

Anyway, as much as I am overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that I cannot handle this with my own strength. I have to depend very much on God to help me though I have to admit it is easier said than done. Sometimes I feel that I will be the next person to get a stroke but I ask of God's mercy and grace to not let this happen for the sake of every one else at home.

I do not know what the road ahead will be - sometimes thinking about it scares me but that is based on my human understanding. I guess I have to remind myself to take everything one step at a time and be conscious of God's presence in my life to show me all the possibilities in dealing with matters at home.

I thought I blog the above thoughts as I need to discharge them somewhere. I cannot keep them in me for I know I will just blow up one day.

I shall stop here for now and perhaps go for a walk.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42

God's Grace Is Always Sufficient!

My initial suspicion of mum suffering from a stroke came true when dad called, while I was in service, to inform me that the diagnosis was a minor stroke. When I heard that, I praise God that it was once again detected early as with the first one she had a couple of years ago.

I went to see mum in the afternoon. She looked better compared to yesterday. She was able to speak properly and was alert to my presence when I entered the ward. She will be warded for a few more days as the doctor needs to medicate her and also to ensure that she is strong enough to be discharged.

I shall stop here as I am sleepy. A lot of thoughts are running in my mind - I shall share them soon once I have reflected on them.

Good night, everyone. Have a blessed week ahead!

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Think Possibilities; Think God

In a period of two days, I have been to two different Accident & Emergency (A&E) Departments - one in Changi General Hospital (GCH) last night and the other in Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) this afternoon. Both visits were to bring mum for immediate treatment - last night, she felt giddy and nauseous at a friend's house and this afternoon she experienced breathlessness and weakness of her body.

Her friends decided to send her to GCH as they were all in the East. Dad and I were notified about mum's condition and we rushed over to the hospital. The doctor did not see the need to admit mum after examining her. After about 4 hours of observation, we brought mum home. By the time it was already past 2.00am.

She looked okay this morning when I left the house but at around two plus in the afternoon when I was leaving my good friend's son's first-month party, I got a call from home informing me that an ambulance has been called to bring mum to the hospital.

My sister, who was with me when I received the call from my cousin, fetched me home. By the time we arrived, the ambulance has left already. I quickly dumped my bag at home and my sister and I tailed the ambulance to the A&E Department. She left with her sister and niece while I accompanied dad who went with the ambulance.

Due to the Influenza A (H1N1) flu, the hospital implemented a one-visitor-per-patient rule. I decided to let dad accompany mum while I waited at the holding area. Never did I know that I had to wait for more than 6 hours for the doctor to observe mum's condition.

I was bored to death. To break that boredom, occasionally I would walk around the hospital compound; visit the foodcourt to buy myself a drink; and stand outside the holding area to observe the number of ambulances bringing sick individuals or accident patients.

It was sad to see some serious cases where the medical staff had to rush the patients to the treatment room. I also concluded that it is not safe to ride a motor-bike in Singapore. The number of accident victims brought in were motorcyclists.

I also witnessed a trolley transporting a dead body to the mortuary. It was covered with a canvas sheet.

The above-mentioned brought to mind mum's condition. As I kept thinking about it, anger began to build up from within me. I was angry with mum for not taking her evening dosage of medicine regularly; for not bringing the insulin with her when she goes out; for not controlling her diet in the past one week as she had for two buffet-dinner appointments to celebrate her birthday with friends; for quarrelling with grandma over petty stuff (which definitely added to the stress in her).

Of course I was angry with grandma too for also picking fights with mum and then go on a cold-war for a few days. Now that mum is unwell, grandma gets worried.

The frustration then leads on to dad for not controlling mum's diet even after I made it clear to all at home that mum needs to watch what she eats; for his habit of drinking fizzy drinks which contain lots of sugar.

The above last three paragraphs were just loads of anger, disappointments and frustrations! Of course I also became worried. Firstly, for mum because I did not know whether her condition is serious and life-threatening. Secondly, for grandma because she called me in the evening to say that she wanted to go Yishun to buy dinner which to me was weird. She also told me she felt a little giddy. As I had to handle mum's health matters, I messaged one of my cousins to keep a look-out for grandma that she does not do stupid stuff. Lastly, I also got worried for dad. When my sister dropped us off from the hospital, dad suddenly made a few comments which were totally incoherent. Then he regained his composure and remarked that those comments were weird.

I shared with my pastor-in-charge and another dear brother-in-Christ that I am tired from having to take care of three old folks at home. I am not complaining - just that it is taking a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. Spiritually I am a little affected as I was questioning God why so many things must happen at the same time. No answers yet.

Anyway, I shall seek God again as to what He wants me to learn out of all these struggles. I sure hope I will be a stronger person after that. I also submitted my anger, disappointments, frustrations, fears, anxieties and tiredness to God.

I am very sleepy. I cannot go on writing anymore.

A big thank-you to those of you who have prayed for mum and my family. I still covet your prayers.

Good night, all. God is still good and His love still endures forever!

Think Possibility; Not Think Positive

I am now in church. I decided to come early to do some work for the Missions Ministry and also to prepare for the Committee meeting tonight. There are a lot of matters to deliberate and decide. I pray that God will lead and guide every one who will be coming - that we will all be of one mind and heart as we let God move us accordingly.

I have not been blogging as I have been tied down by a lot of work. I thought before I start preparing for my ministry stuff that I take this time to jot down some thoughts.

Lately there is this phrase that has been running through my mind - "Think Possibility; Not Think Positive." As I dwelled on this, the 5 words are beginning to make more sense. Many times inspirational gurus will tell their audiences to think positive. As much as it is good not to dwell on the negative and always being pessimistic, thinking positive does not cause a person to act upon the situation he or she is in. Just sitting there and telling oneself it is going to be alright may not necessarily be alright.

Thinking of possibilities is more pro-active and in the Christian context, it is not the "I, Me, Myself" trying to deal with the problems. It moves one to pray and surrender their problems to God and allow Him to speak and show us the way; it causes one to approach a brother or a sister for counsel; it moves one to try the various solutions offered and hopefully one of them will be the light at the end of the tunnel.

The above thought-process has caused me to be more joyful in the midst of affliction and struggles especially when hit with a road-block. It allows me to see things in perspective and when that is in place, he or she can also think of possibilities to counter the problems faced.

I guess that is all for now. Looking forward to the day ahead but I am feeling sleepy now - hopefully I will be more awake as I move along. :)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Because Of The Risen Lord, Christianity Is Alive!

Happy Easter, everyone.

Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!
Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!
Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!

All in the congregation chanted the above-mentioned during the combined service to remind ourselves that Christ has risen! For me, this year's Holy Week has made an impact in my life and it is my prayer that in the days to come, I will follow up on what God has spoken to me and act accordingly.

Though I was busy taking pictures this morning at both the Sunrise and Combined Services, I prayed and asked God that as I move on from the Easter season that Christ will not become dead in my life again. I say this because it sometimes seems to be that way - as if Jesus is not there looking at the way I live my life. God is always alive and I will try to remember that daily - this awareness will allow me to be more conscious in the way I journey in this adventure of life so that God will always be glorified and His people edified.

I co-led in the Good Friday's Combined Service with the Assistant Pastor of my church. I was in the Worship Hall and he was in the sanctuary. Throughout the whole of last week, I was planning what to say and do at the service but I learnt a lesson that sometimes, all the plannings of man can come to naught.

There was a technical glitch of the video-feed and suddenly all sound in the hall went silent when I started singing the second verse of the first song I led. I did not know immediately what to do; the congregation were clueless as well. In the end I just had to use my discretion and go on with the service without sound.

Well, the above incident taught me one thing which brings me back to the heart of worship. It is not the song, the music, the sophistication of equipment but more so the heart of God's worshippers being in tune with Him even when the inventions of man fail them.

Anyway, I am looking forward to this brand new week though there are a lot of things in my schedules - some plannings and finalisation of work tomorrow; a meeting on Tuesday; submission of songs to the guitarist on Wednesday for the "A Day of Prayer for Missions" session on Saturday which I am leading; printing and collation of the Missions Ministry Newsletters on Thursday; Friday seems free for now; then Saturday is the prayer meeting and also the Worship Team BBQ and Sunday will be the Missions Emphasis Sunday!

They may be daunting but I guess I will have to let God lead me one task/step at a time. :)

Well, I guess that is all for now.

Remember, folks - Christ is alive! Have a lively and eventful week ahead!

“Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9:23-24

Kingdom Of Power

Tonight's sermon at the Holy Week service is the last of three instalments which the guest speaker had for those who attended. If you have read my past two days' entries, probably you would say, "I think Andy is going to use the word 'Spot-on!' again." Well, you are right.

I was 'slapped' left and right as the speaker went from one point to another. Today's focus is on the "Kingdom of Power." I was humbled as the sermon served as a rebuke for me.

I have forgotten, more often than not, that the kingdom of power is living in me. It is not the power that most perceive it to be; not that of strength and might in order to show off or put others down. It is about the Holy Spirit living in me which gives me the power to overcome the sins in my life and also the power to transform people and situations.

The speaker mentioned that the authenticity of a person's life is in the way he lives out the power of the Holy Spirit. How true that is! Imagining a Christian who worships a victorious and mighty God living his life in defeat and depression most of the time. He should live the opposite instead - the power of God in him should create a hunger and thirst in his life.

I paralleled that to my life and my head just drooped. In fact, I have been a hypocrite, trying to pin-point other people's spiritual state and having forgotten to look at mine. One clear evident of a person living out the kingdom of power is the amount of time he sets aside for prayer. Wow! Andy Chew here dreads going for the prayer meetings for leaders and members of the church held on alternate Wednesdays. Reason - since not many people are attending, why should Andy Chew go?

I have forgotten that prayer is tranformational. If every one gives in to disappointments that since others are not interested, why should he or she, then the state of the church will always be stagnating. The speaker reminded the congregation that revival sometimes starts with a few.

I typed in my PDA this, "I WILL ATTEND THE NEXT PRAYER MEETING," and I definitely will. I will also work on my personal prayer lifestyle - instead of just praying for survival, I will now pray for revival... that I will not just content with where I am now and what I am doing but to continue to keep hungering and thirsting for more of God in my life and in the ministries I am serving in.

I want the power of God to transform my devotional life (in my attitude towards reading His Word and prayer); my ministry life (not depending on my human wisdom and strengthg but to let prayer be the source in which the wisdom and power of God flows through me as I avail myself to be instruments of peace to others); and my professional life (letting God use me in the market place).

These three days have been overwhelming for me. I think God wants me to do something more with my life and I pray He will show me more as I seek Him.

Oh yah!!! This morning, I went to my parents' room and I apologised to dad for being rude last Friday when we quarrelled. He accepted it and I praise God for that! My shoulders are so much lighter now! Hallelujah!

I shall stop here. All thanks and praise to God for always reaching out! He has been before; He is now; and He will in future! Truly the Lord is good and His love endures forever! :)

By the way, the guest speaker was Rev. Barnabas Chong from Cairnhill Methodist Church.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." 1 Corinthians 2:4-5

Kingdom Of Love

I came back not too long ago from the Holy Week service. I hesitated in going for yesterday's session but today's, I anticipated! I was also convicted as I listened to God's Word being preached. Yet again, tonight's sermon is another spot-on! Mainly two areas which I will share in the subsequent paragraphs.

Apart from being challenged once again about the calling to be a missionary, I was also convicted in denouncing the kingdom of comfort in my life. I felt I needed to get out of it because it has become a "me, myself and I" attitude.

I wanted to share something I am struggling with in yesterday's blog but I did not have the courage to but when the sermon on the kingdom of love was brought across to me and those who attended, I felt I needed to share it here.

The guest speaker spoke of the need for Christians to get out of their world and enter into someone else's. Of course not intrusively but sensitively.

This is one of the two areas which hit me. You see, last Friday I had a quarrel with dad over three bottles of Sprite. Yup, you did not read wrongly. :( Three days before that, I recorded a documentary on "Don't Ignore Diabetes" which touched on the elderlies drinking too much fizzy drinks and in the process contracted diabetes. I showed it to dad, hoping that he would stop drinking too much of such sugared water.

Of course, the show did not have an impact on him and he came home with three bottles of these drinks on Friday. Out of frustration but in a gentle tone, I told him that it was obvious the programme did not affect him at all. He kept quiet. I left it as it was but when I saw him open the refrigerator and drinking a glass of Sprite. Again I told him (in a calm manner) he should stop it.

That was when he said something which led me to blow up. He mentioned that what he does is his business and if he should die, it would be his death, not mine. Even if he had to suffer because of diabetes, it would be his struggle. Those words hurt me deep and it escalated to a point where unkind words/statements were used. Since then we have not spoken.

What convicted me both yesterday and today is this - first I need to get out of the "me, myself and I" mode and just do the right thing by apologising (though frankly I felt it was not my fault). I needed to say sorry because I used words which probably had hurt dad as well. I need to bring the kingdom of love into the family and love even when it hurts. I was challenged to get out of my world and enter into dad's world.

Well, I have not had a chance to speak to him yet as he was already asleep when I came home but it will be something I will do as soon as possible. I cannot let anything or anyone to break the family bond which God has given me right from birth. It is an effort especially in the above incident I shared but do it in the correct way, it will strengthen the bond amongst family members. God be my Mediator as I strive to do this. Apart from dad, there are also a couple of my other friends whom I need to seek reconciliation. I shall do it one at a time.

The other area which spoke to me is again on the topic of the kingdom of love. Though I have been the Missions Ministry chairperson in my church for the past 5 years, I have to confess I have not been actively touching lives especially those who have yet to know the love of God. It is not a matter of forcing it into the throats of others but even just living it out, I struggle to do.

Tonight as I prayed, I told God I need a transformation - to be who He has made me to be since the day I knew Him. Basically to testify of what He has done for me and let others also experience it. Of course I need to live it out first and I hope this would be the first step of the renewal process.

Well, I hope I make sense in the above sharing. I just could not stop writing after typing the first word. It is just so amazing that when God speaks so clearly, I have no choice but to act upon it.

To God be the glory!

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Kingdom Of Comfort

I was hesitating in the evening whether to attend the Holy Week service at 8.00pm. The reason was just pure laziness. I had wanted to use the word, "tired," but deep down, I know it is not the main reason.

Anyway, I did not regret making the decision to go. Tonight's sermon by the guest speaker was spot-on for me.

I shared in the blog after I came back from Cambodia last month that I felt a nudge from God to serve in the mission field. Since then, I had been thinking about it but not really acting upon it. There were many things to consider - how will I be able to support my parents and grandma? Who will take care of their medical needs? What can I do in the mission field should I make up my mind to go? Am I ready to let go of my kingdom of comfort here in Singapore?

There are many other questions and at the end of the day, it brought about more confusions and fears than affirmation? Of course some would say wouldn't those questions be an affirmation that I am not ready and maybe being a missionary is not my calling. As much as there is truth in that, I also know that it could be God's way of asking me to let go and let Him take care of those worries and fears and uncertainties, etc.

The sermon based on the Bible passage of Mark 10:17-27 reminded me of the rich man who asked Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life and Jesus response was to sell the man's possessions and follow Him.

The rich man had a desire to follow God but it ended there and then when challenged to let go of his kingdom of comfort. Well, I am in that man's shoes at the moment.

The speaker urged those in the congregation to let go of their kingdoms of self and shelf (of the wants and desires for material wealth) and seek the Kingdom of God instead. What brought a refreshing insight to the Kingdom of God was this - it consists of people. Hence when I am able to seek after the Kingdom of God, I would also be naturally drawn to people - loving them, caring for them and providing for them.

I hope I am making sense because the above-mentioned spoke of my current search for God's calling in my life.

I need to start letting go and I think it would be a bold and fundamental step.

I like the words of this song by Delirious because it speaks of what most lives are now...

KINGDOM OF COMFORT

Chorus:
Save me, save me
from the kingdom of comfort where I am king;
from my unhealthy lust of material things.

Verse 1:
I built myself a happy home,
in my palace on my own.
My castle falling in the sand.
Pull me out, please grab my hand!
I just forgot where I came from.

Verse 2:
I rob myself of innocence
with the poison of indifference.
I buy my stuff at any cost -
a couple of clicks and I pay the price
Coz what I gain is someone else's loss.

"As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'" "Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:17-27