Last Sunday, my Pastor-in-Charge shared an illustration in her sermon about her classmate, during the release of the 'O' Level examinations results, running to her father in happiness after she got a B for one of her papers and As for the rest. Instead of the father sharing her joy, he chided his daughter because of that one B. My Pastor saw how devastated her friend was when that remark was made.
I could identify with the above example because I was in the same shoes as that girl - not like the good results she had though. As I have shared in my previous blogs, mum liked to pick on the poor scores I attained for a paper when many times I have done pretty well in others. She would then put me down.
This week I heard of a similar incident where someone I know is also being put down by one of her parents just because she failed one paper and pull through the rest. Remarks were made like how disappointed the parent was; how the parent wish this friend of mine would wake up; that she should be like the rest of her friends who pulled through; etc.
Yes, I cannot deny the fact that parents always desire for their children to excel in what they do but in order to help them reach that goal, they should not be so insensitive as to put their children down just because along the way they faced a setback. I know parents meant well. As much as they have good intentions in making certain remarks to their children, they must also consider the psychological effect those words can have on their kids.
Why put their own flesh and blood down when parents can actually affirm their children in the rest of the papers they pulled through?
Is it because parents are trying to protect their own reputations by not losing face to their friends whose children had done better? Is it because parents could not achieve a goal they had been pursuing in their younger days hence they are now imposing their ambitions on their children? Is it because parents see their children as investments hence they want to reap the returns as soon as possible?
Speaking as a child of my parents, I hope all fathers and mothers would stop and think first before they start making hurtful remarks to their children. I also hope that parents would accept the uniqueness of their children and not compare them with their friends' children - some children will take a longer route to reach the same goal so walk alongside them as they persevere on. Yes, parents may have spent or have to spend thousands of dollars in their children's education but do not see them as commodities or shares or bonds where you quickly want to reap returns. Be patient and you will see the results in due time.
I know parents when reprimanding their children hope their words would wake the ideas of their kids up - sometimes it may work but there are also times when it does not. That is why we read or know of some children rebelling against their parents; of kids falling into depression and some committing suicide; of kids suffering from a stroke; of children growing up to be like their parents imposing the same pressures on their own children and the vicious cycle goes on.
Perhaps parents should see the strengths of their children and help them choose a course which suits them and not one which may be popular or could help them earn a bigger salary in future.
Of course children themselves need to assess whether their study methods have been effective; to ask their teachers or course-mates or parents when they are in doubt of the subjects they are studying; etc.
I felt led to write this because my heart is burdened for both parents and their children. The world may breathe down on every one's throat that paper qualification is vital for one's survival in the society but please do not let this cause a family unit to break up or cause a life to be destroyed.
I guess that is all I want to share. Have a restful and pleasant weekend!
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4
I could identify with the above example because I was in the same shoes as that girl - not like the good results she had though. As I have shared in my previous blogs, mum liked to pick on the poor scores I attained for a paper when many times I have done pretty well in others. She would then put me down.
This week I heard of a similar incident where someone I know is also being put down by one of her parents just because she failed one paper and pull through the rest. Remarks were made like how disappointed the parent was; how the parent wish this friend of mine would wake up; that she should be like the rest of her friends who pulled through; etc.
Yes, I cannot deny the fact that parents always desire for their children to excel in what they do but in order to help them reach that goal, they should not be so insensitive as to put their children down just because along the way they faced a setback. I know parents meant well. As much as they have good intentions in making certain remarks to their children, they must also consider the psychological effect those words can have on their kids.
Why put their own flesh and blood down when parents can actually affirm their children in the rest of the papers they pulled through?
Is it because parents are trying to protect their own reputations by not losing face to their friends whose children had done better? Is it because parents could not achieve a goal they had been pursuing in their younger days hence they are now imposing their ambitions on their children? Is it because parents see their children as investments hence they want to reap the returns as soon as possible?
Speaking as a child of my parents, I hope all fathers and mothers would stop and think first before they start making hurtful remarks to their children. I also hope that parents would accept the uniqueness of their children and not compare them with their friends' children - some children will take a longer route to reach the same goal so walk alongside them as they persevere on. Yes, parents may have spent or have to spend thousands of dollars in their children's education but do not see them as commodities or shares or bonds where you quickly want to reap returns. Be patient and you will see the results in due time.
I know parents when reprimanding their children hope their words would wake the ideas of their kids up - sometimes it may work but there are also times when it does not. That is why we read or know of some children rebelling against their parents; of kids falling into depression and some committing suicide; of kids suffering from a stroke; of children growing up to be like their parents imposing the same pressures on their own children and the vicious cycle goes on.
Perhaps parents should see the strengths of their children and help them choose a course which suits them and not one which may be popular or could help them earn a bigger salary in future.
Of course children themselves need to assess whether their study methods have been effective; to ask their teachers or course-mates or parents when they are in doubt of the subjects they are studying; etc.
I felt led to write this because my heart is burdened for both parents and their children. The world may breathe down on every one's throat that paper qualification is vital for one's survival in the society but please do not let this cause a family unit to break up or cause a life to be destroyed.
I guess that is all I want to share. Have a restful and pleasant weekend!
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4
2 comments:
It doesn't work the way you hope it would but I can help you identify potential candidates - usually, the perfect families in church are the most dysfunctional. My father's on the church council and from time to time, other churches ask him to preach sermons. They even have a wonderful little fellowship group that they spearhead - great, supportive, and kind to all those people especially if they're non-Christians but they have never treated me in any similar way. I'm 25 and they are still short-tempered with me, disappointed in most things I do, and even tell me how moronic I am from time to time over the most trivial things. I think the only time I will ever get respite is if someone actually realizes what's going on and tells it to their face. Of course, that's not going to happen but prayer and wishful thinking helps some. So, if you truly want to make a difference to all those people, the best thing you can do for us is to identify who we are. How often I wish that someone knew.
Thank you for sharing. I will pray for you. Take care.
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