All the things that have been happening at home are causing a lot of stress for me. Sometimes I feel very choked up. Not only have I to deal with mum's ill-health, I have to also handle grandma who becomes unnecessarily concern over every single thing. This irks my brother and he would just flare up at her. When I tried to mediate, grandma thinks every one is going against her and then she dwells into self-pity. I am basically hit with a road-block and of course it affects me because every one at home is dear to me and to see things happening as it is, I am just so exhausted emotionally and mentally!
Sometimes I just do not want to stay at home but of course running away from it does not help as the concerns are still in my mind. They basically bug me everywhere I go. Many times I cried out to the Lord but He seems so far away. How I wish He could just answer me immediately but this is not so all the time.
Dad has been affected as well. Sometimes his mind seems to wonder away. It is hard to connect with him though I am trying very hard to do so.
Anyway, as much as I am overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that I cannot handle this with my own strength. I have to depend very much on God to help me though I have to admit it is easier said than done. Sometimes I feel that I will be the next person to get a stroke but I ask of God's mercy and grace to not let this happen for the sake of every one else at home.
I do not know what the road ahead will be - sometimes thinking about it scares me but that is based on my human understanding. I guess I have to remind myself to take everything one step at a time and be conscious of God's presence in my life to show me all the possibilities in dealing with matters at home.
I thought I blog the above thoughts as I need to discharge them somewhere. I cannot keep them in me for I know I will just blow up one day.
I shall stop here for now and perhaps go for a walk.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42
Sometimes I just do not want to stay at home but of course running away from it does not help as the concerns are still in my mind. They basically bug me everywhere I go. Many times I cried out to the Lord but He seems so far away. How I wish He could just answer me immediately but this is not so all the time.
Dad has been affected as well. Sometimes his mind seems to wonder away. It is hard to connect with him though I am trying very hard to do so.
Anyway, as much as I am overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that I cannot handle this with my own strength. I have to depend very much on God to help me though I have to admit it is easier said than done. Sometimes I feel that I will be the next person to get a stroke but I ask of God's mercy and grace to not let this happen for the sake of every one else at home.
I do not know what the road ahead will be - sometimes thinking about it scares me but that is based on my human understanding. I guess I have to remind myself to take everything one step at a time and be conscious of God's presence in my life to show me all the possibilities in dealing with matters at home.
I thought I blog the above thoughts as I need to discharge them somewhere. I cannot keep them in me for I know I will just blow up one day.
I shall stop here for now and perhaps go for a walk.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42
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