Jehovah Jireh - My Provider

I praise the Lord all the pictures I took today for my friends' wedding turned out fine. I am going to copy them into a CD and pass it to them tomorrow.

I went to meet a dear brother who just came back from London for a one week break. Glad to know that he has been coping well in his post-graduate studies. When I knew he was coming back, I troubled him to buy for me some donuts from this place called Krispy Kreme. I used to eat them when I was studying in Cambridge.

As I do not wish the donuts to turn stale, I went to collect them from his place. Immediately after that I went to my God-sister's place to pass her some as I know she likes them. We did not talk much at all - I gave her the foodstuff and went on my way. Now I feel guilty giving them to her because in her blog she commented she has been putting on weight. I also felt bad having to wake her elder sister up from her sleep. I hope she has forgiven me for that.

I went to meet mum for a short while at Thomson Plaza as she needed some help to buy some ingredients for a dish that her small group is cooking tonight. After that she gave me a lift to Ang Mo Kio Hub where I had to disrupt a dear friend's dinner with her family to pass her some of the donuts as well.

I went grocery-shopping at the supermarket next and bought a couple of things for my family. As I was walking, I was thinking about tomorrow's praise and worship session. I thank God for His promptings along the way and my thoughts are much clearer now... though I must admit I still feel very scared.

This afternoon I was asked by my soccer friends to join them for the Liverpool-Arsenal match at 7:45pm. I declined as lately I do not have the mood to do so. Just realised Liverpool beat Arsenal 4-1. Good for them.

Anyway, I came home, had a simple dinner and basically cleaned my camera and the lenses. I was hoping to buy a new camera for today's wedding assignment but I had to use the money to pay for my recent operation. I just realised a lot of my finances have been spent on medical treatments. I do not know when this will stop but hopefully one day I will be able to purchase my dream camera.

Well, I shall go and pray now. I will also try to catch some sleep. Need all the energy for tomorrow's service.

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

Marriage - A Commitment; Not An Accomplishment

I just reached home. The whole morning and early afternoon I have been involved in my friends' wedding as a photographer. I am downloading them (all 517) onto my computer now. I hope all will turn out fine.

I am actually very tired now. I could not sleep again last night. Tossed and turned till passed 3am. I had to wake up at 5:30am. In the end I think I only had about 2 1/2 hours of rest. I do not know why lately I just cannot have peaceful sleep.

Anyway, I am very happy my friends tied the knot today. Attending their service was a joy. It is wonderful to see them take the wedding vows and also the smiles on their faces as they go through each segment of the service. Praise the Lord.

Well, a couple of the older church members approached and nudged me as to when will be my turn. I used to be very scared of them when attending weddings in church. Now I will just give them a smile and told them it is up to the Lord whether He wants me to share my life with someone I love. It has to take two hands to clap for it to happen. Well, if that day comes, thanks be to God; if it does not, I will still give thanks to Him.

To me, marriage is not just about getting any girl, start a relationship and after that set a date for the wedding. I feel it should not be taken too lightly or subjected to pressure from people (parents, relatives and friends) just so that I can fulfill their expectations.

Since the first day I thought of marriage I had many to choose from in my circle of friends but till date, I could only see three (of course they came in different stages) in whom I can share my life with. Tried but was not successful.

Well, the Lord knows the desires of my heart and why I want to get married and the kind of lady I have in mind... if He so wills it to happen, praise and glory to Him!

For now, it will always be my pleasure and honour to serve my friends when they decide to be husband and wife. This year there are a couple of them - looking forward to serving them and God in the tasks they entrusted to me.

Just now another member of the church suggested that I change job and be a professional wedding planner. It ever crossed my mind - maybe one day I will.

Alright I shall end here. I need to prepare now for tomorrow's praise and worship session for the 11:15am service. I am not confident at all but I will still go through it by faith that God will still use me despite of my inadequacy.

I may write more later should there be any other thoughts or insights from God.

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Galatians 5:13-14

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Removing The Mask Before God's Presence

Tonight's Worship Team rehearsal was a tiring session. I also do not know why this is so. Throughout I felt very uptight - sometimes to the point of not being able to breathe properly. I was sharing with the team that there was a moment where I felt I was turning mad.

It was troubling to have felt that way but it was exactly what I experienced. I am not at all prepared for this Sunday but I guess it is good to feel this way. It would then cause me to trust fully in God to make right all the problems the team faced during the practice.

I also do not know whether to look forward to Sunday or not. Of course I would like to be excited but I just could not feel it yet. Well, no matter what state I am in on Sunday, I will still press on to worship the Lord in spirit and truth.

This afternoon while I was preparing for the session, I was reminded that coming before God in worship is not about putting a false front. He desires for His children to come as they are and still praise Him. In doing so, the Holy Spirit will then minister and heal these worshippers.

Well, I shall end here. Thanks be to God still for the time spent with the Worship Team members earlier.

I need to wake up early tomorrow as I will be doing photography for a brother-in-Christ's wedding. It has been a while since I did wedding photography. I pray the Lord will lead and guide me as I capture all the precious moments of the couple. It is always a joy to see two persons making a commitment to share their lives together. That is why I hope to do a good job for them so that the photographs will help them remember God's goodness and blessings in their lives.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:23-24

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Be A Friend To The Needy

Remember last night, I mentioned about the Chinese man, recovering from a stroke, who smiled for the first time? I managed to get his name this morning. He is called Yi-Ge. Literal translation for "First Brother" or "Big Brother". I hope that is correct.

I shook his hands as I introduced myself to him. Guess what? He smiled again. Sasha was very cute. When she saw Yi-Ge, she just sprawled on the floor and tried biting his walking stick. When he saw that, he smiled again. Yi-Ge tried to speak but his speech was slurred and I could make out what he was trying to say. I tried as much to listen to him and basically kept eye contact. I hope that made him feel he is heard and this will allow him to loosen up a little.

Well, a new friend I made. Never saw ourselves doing that a couple of weeks back but God made it possible. I will see whether one evening I can go visit him at his place and bring some foodstuff for him.

I am actually quite tired now. I did not sleep well last night. I slept at around 3am and woke up at about 6am. Just a lot of thoughts running in my mind.

Anyway, I have to prepare for tonight's worship team rehearsal. I hope I will be able to have the energy and the right frame of mind to focus. Again I find it hard to look forward to the session but I shall pray and let God still use me despite of the inertia. I hope He will bear with me during this period.

I shall end here. Need to get some work done.

God be my help today.

SHARE YOUR FAITH

If you will spend some time each day
Just listening to God’s voice,
He’ll tell you what you need to do
And in His words, rejoice.
He wills you to go through each day,
Reaching out to those in need;
To share your faith with those still lost.
He’s with you and He’ll lead.
He gives the words you need to say.
Through the Spirit who dwells within
And by your witness to them,
Someone lost might turn from sin.
If by your words they realize
There’s a better way for them,
Introduce them to your Savior
And the life they’ll share with Him.
Tell them that you’ve walked their way
Before you bowed your head
And asked God to forgive you
For the life of sin you lead.
Tell them He forgave you
When you accepted His only Son
And through His grace He saved you
And your lost soul was won.
You never know who might be saved
If you take the time to share
How they too can be saved like you
And dwell within His care.

"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." Hebrews 13:1-3

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35

Pressing On

Nothing is not worth doing when it is done in God's name and for His people. I was reminded of this when I went for a walk at the park and shared with God the concerns and burdens of my heart.

I think in my service to others, it is not about giving in proportion to what I receive; it is not about being fair; it is not about whether I am hurt or not. Serving people is not about me but them. There will be discouragements along the way but service continues because this will then allow me to seek God and consider as to how else I can help the individual. If I stop serving others because I face setbacks, then the victory goes to the devil. Every one else (including me) loses and the evil one triumphs.

Today, though my spirit has not been well, God still works in ways to show me that He is still there.

Since I had Sasha about 1 1/2 months ago, I have been bringing her out for walks almost every morning and some evenings. We have met many people of every kind - age, gender and race.

For a while we have been crossing paths with this Chinese man, probably in his early fifties, recovering from a stroke. His Indonesian maid will always bring him down for a stroll. He cannot walk fast and he needs the aid of a walking stick. He has not been smiling since the first day I met him.

Many times I brought Sasha close to him but he would just back off and walk on. I have been praying for him - asking God to bring back the joy in him despite of his ill-health.

This morning, Sasha and I met him again. He was sitting down on one of the stone-chairs. His maid was with him. I decided to bring Sasha to him again. It is amazing how my doggy behaves in ways I could never imagine. Sasha suddenly jumped onto the man's lap and started licking his hands.

When I saw what Sasha did, I was shocked. Just when I was about to scold her, I saw the man smiling as he continued to allow my dog to lick him. At that point of time, I just stood there full of praise to God for answering my prayers.

The man who has always been glum actually smiled. This encounter reinforced in me what I shared in the opening two paragraphs that nothing is not worth doing when I do it for God and His people and that I should always press on at times when I do not see immediate results. Eventually God will still work in His time.

There were moments I had told myself that this man will never be happy again. Who would? Especially when one is in his kind of predicament but God proved me wrong.

I forgot to ask the maid about the man's name. If I see them tomorrow, I will ask.

I came back not too long ago from the Missions Committee meeting. Frankly, before the session I was not in the mood whatsoever to chair the discussions. Lately I have not been having much zeal in carrying out my duty as the Missions Ministry chairperson. I have been rather lost and running out of steam.

I thank God that He still led us through the time spent together. He still got His work done through the rest. We also spent a considerable amount of time in prayer. The members prayed for me and in one of the prayers, one of them said that it is during times when God is working in a ministry that the devil becomes scared and tries all his ways to discourage the people.

I took that as an affirmation that we are still moving as a committee and that I should not let the daunting task of having to stir the church to be more involved in the work of missions to discourage me. At the end of it all, God will still move and it is up to me whether I want to trust Him to lead me or not.

Just a while ago, a dear friend messaged to ask how the meeting went and she commented that I did not look alright when she saw me in the evening. She said she will keep me in her prayers and that she will be available if I wish to talk or let out anything.

Well, praise the Lord for giving me friends like her. There are still a lot of things troubling me. I guess it will take time for me to overcome them, with God and my friends' help.

Time to go. Thanks be to God for today.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life — in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me." Philippians 2:12-18

Obstacles - Do Not Let Them Stall You And Me

A staff from the hospital called this morning to inform me that the scan done last Friday during my medical review found a new ulcer on my stomach. It is not a big one but I was advised to continue taking my medication that I was prescribed with all these while for the treatment of the laceration.

Well, I did not really react much to it - nothing new each time I hear all these. Anyway, I took some time to pray and went on with my work.

Throughout the whole of today I just tried my best to complete my project. Not as productive as I would like to but thanks be to God still.

Lately I have not been able to concentrate on the things I do - the above-mentioned project, Missions Ministry, the preparations for this Sunday's worship-lead. I have also not been too kind to people in general. I pray the Lord be patient with me.

One of the rare struggles I am experiencing now in my pilgrim's journey. I did not wish for this to happen but now that I am in it, I shall have to go through it with God's help. I hope something good will come out of this.

Well, I hope the Lord will lead and guide me as I prepare for the Mission Committee meeting tomorrow and the Worship Team rehearsal on Friday. They are important and I do not wish to take them too lightly. I pray He will cover me with His blood as I lead these two sessions.

Anyway, I felt better as I met up with two brothers in our accountability group fellowship. I praise the Lord for providing me people in whom I can share my burdens with.

In the opening two paragraphs, I mentioned I did not react much - well, though all these health matters are not new to me, I am still affected. I felt lousy after receiving the news. Anyway, I HAVE TO MOVE ON!

I also need to get things right with people and my struggles. I pray all these will not become obstacles in my service to the Lord.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24

Throwing In The Towel

I do not mean to boast about this - most of the time, I always tried my best to spare a thought for others, especially those whom I cherish a lot, but at the end of the day, have some of them done the same for me?

Yes, I have mentioned before that when giving, do not expect to receive but I am a human, I need responses too.

Anyway, I have decided to take a few drastic measures concerning some areas of my life. I have to. If not, I will die literally. Selfish move on my part? Maybe.

My human abilities have reached the limit. I am not God. I have prayed; I have pleaded with Him; I have done all I could. He knows (in fact I do not even have to tell Him what He should know and do. He is God Almighty, after all). I will leave it to Him and let Him take it from here.

Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. Hopefully.

Perhaps I have failed as a friend to another. Cannot help it. I have my shortcomings.

Well, this is a painful decision but what else can I do?

Price Paid On Earth = Prize Received In Heaven

I went marketing this morning. I noticed a boy around the age of 7 years old, doing something that he knew he should not be doing. He stood at a distant from his mother so that she would not know his misdeeds.

This boy managed to get hold of a few eggs and he was simply throwing them onto the open field next to the market. Occasionally he would glance at his mother's direction. I guess he found pleasure seeing the eggs shatter into pieces as they hit the ground.

I was not too pleased with what he was doing. I went to his mother and informed her of what her son had done. She was very angry and started raising her voice at him. She also gave her son a hard slap on the buttocks. The stall-owner, realising that his eggs were stolen and then broken, demanded that he be compensated for his losses. The mother had no choice but to pay him. She also asked her son to apologise to the owner.

There were moments when the boy gave me this angry look. I guess he was not too happy that I reported his mischief to his mother.

Sasha, my dog, when she knows she had done something wrong, would always hide at one corner of the living room or under the table. Whenever I noticed this peculiar action of hers, I would look around the house. Lo and behold! I would either find a puddle of urine somewhere or the newspapers I had placed on the floor being shredded into pieces.

I guess to a certain extent we, Christians, sometimes behave the same way as the boy or my doggy. Many times we know there are things we should not be doing or displeasing in the sight of God but yet, we chose to rebel and commit those misdeeds or sins anyway.

Because of the pleasure we derive from trying to be 'free' from holy living, which is tough in practice (because of our sinful nature), we chose to go back into the clutches or traps or bondages of the evil one.

Sometimes we think that being away from the very people (God and our siblings-in-Christ) who keep us accountable for the way we live our lives, we can continue with our wrongdoings - we are wrong! God is omnipresent - He is always there regardless of what we do.

I am guilty of the above-mentioned. No doubt about it. When I came home, I took some time to pray about this lesson I was reminded of.

As I pondered, it dawned upon me these - why do I want to go back to the slavery of sin and death when at one point in my life, I asked God to deliver me from it? Why is it that I know what I should not be doing and still chose to go along with it? Why do I let short-term pleaures through sinful living deprive me of eternal benefits in holy living? Why is it that I want to put myself in a spot which I know eventually would be tough for me to get out of? Why do I choose to hurt God when He has always been there to embrace me when I needed Him? Why do I want to do things in my own strength when at some points in my life, I have experienced how God had worked mightily and evidently in me?

At the end of the day, when we notice the filth in us, we get angry with ourselves and the people around us (God included) and start becoming bitter that life sucks.

God has provided us a way out but He never promised that life would be easy. It can be made easier if we choose to follow His ways. Maybe now we do not see the benefits but when we reached the end of our lives, perhaps we would.

Then one may ask - "if that is the case, perhaps I would start living a holy life when I am nearing my death." Logical as it sounds, we must not forget we still have to stand before God in judgment and everything we had done on this earth will have to be accounted for.

Let us choose the correct road for our pilgrim's journey - it may be treacherous at times but at the end of it all, it would be a worthwhile choice.

WHAT CAN BRING A TEAR TO OUR SAVIOR

What would bring a tear to Jesus each day?
Could it be the words we so carelessly say?
Could it be when he sees how we treat one another
And not following His command to love our brother?
Does He weep with us when our hearts are broken?
I am sure He does and so He leaves His door open.
He is a man acquainted with our grief and sorrows;
He will lift us up and bring us through our tomorrows.
But what can make Him sad? What can make Him cry?
I believe when we forget just why He was crucified.
I am sure His heart gets broken and to each one He would say,
"Please, my children, listen: 'I love you. Follow me, for I am the way.'"
Sweet Jesus, let us not be the one who would bring a tear to your eye;
Help us, Oh Lord, to honor you with our hearts and open them up wide.
For no matter what happens you are always very near -
To comfort us and to wipe away every single tear.
Lord, let us come and dry the tears that flow from your eyes
By walking in love till you come and break through the sky.
We love you, Lord Jesus, and this we will continue to pray,
That we will not be the one to bring a tear to you this day.

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin — because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." Romans 6:1-14

"Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:21-24

It Hurts To Love

Just finished a time of prayer for a few people and issues. I do not know why - the phrase, "It hurts to love" kept coming back to me. It is true though.

"Keep on loving each other as brothers (and sisters)." Hebrews 13:1

The Love Of An Asian Koel

I was walking with Sasha at the park opposite my block. Not long into our stroll, Sasha was attracted to a flock of crows and started chasing them. When we went closer to where the birds were, I saw another bird of a different breed with its wings wide-opened.

Soon the crows came back and started surrounding that one bird again, which I later found out was an Asian Koel. Its red eyes were distinctively different from the rest though it may be easily mistaken for a crow if one just gave it a glance.

Anyway, the vicious crows started pecking on the Asian Koel but it stood its grounds as if it was protecting something. Truly it was - under its wings was a young Koel. I figured it might have fallen off from the nest when it was learning to fly.

The adult Koel was definitely injured as I could see red patches on its body and the feathers were ripped off on some parts of its wings. The crows relentlessly attacked the pair. Sasha was trying to chase the crows away. They did each time she barked at them but the scavengers/pests would keep coming back and the attacks went on.

Well, I have this feeling the adult and young Koels did not make it. This is part of the law of nature.

But as I walked on, my heart suddenly sank. I realised that the adult Koel's protection over its chick was like that of Christ's over His people. He will do all He can to protect them - even to the point of death. His hands, feet and sides would be pierced; He would bleed but enduring these pains, He will still spread His wings of love over His children.

If I am touched by the love of the adult Koel over its own, I had better be touched by Christ's sacrifice on the cross for my sins. I am definitely not sinless but I can choose to sin less.

Though I can strive towards that, the fact that I decided to go against God by sinning even if it is only once, I am already crucifying Him all over again. But you know what? I believe Jesus would go through it again, simply for the fact that He loves me and every one else in this world.

If you and I have a heart and a mind, we should be touched by Christ's death and love for His creation. We should also be careful not to hammer another nail into His wrist.

Well, I know it is easy for me to share the above-mentioned. Doing it is a totally different thing. There will definitely be struggles in striving to live a life of holiness and godliness but so long as one keeps working on it, I believe he would have pleased God.

How interesting it is for me to encounter that Asian Koel during this season of Easter.

They placed the cross upon His back
Yet, no one seemed to care
The weight across His shoulders
Seemed more than He could bear.
The spikes were driven in His hands
And pounded through His feet
The ones who had convicted Him
Were cheering in the street.
The crown of thorns placed on His head
Brought blood upon His brow
The day of prophecy had come
He had to face it now.
The sins of man were laid to rest
He bore a heavy loss
The agony He must have felt
As He hung there on the cross.
The innocent blood of Jesus Christ
Was shed for all to see
The Son of God was crucified
And died for you and me.

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:5-11

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

The Image Of The Servant-King

I am writing this blog now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean Cafe. Earlier I was at the Tourist Information Centre conducting some interviews. I also went to Borders to collect some books and a training aid I ordered.

This Sunday I am leading worship for the 11:15am service. I thought I could use the time here to think of the songs. For about an hour, I had a mental block.

I praise the Lord a dear friend was online and we corresponded for a while. She told me to do something else first to unwind. She suggested that I learn the French Language which both of us are trying to master.

Well, I did just that but I was struggling with the accent. I said a short prayer to ask the Lord to give my friend and I the ability to speak the language and also to remember the lessons taught so far.

It is quite weird listening to the CD and whispering to myself what the instructor is teaching especially in a crowded place like Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. A Caucasian lady was glancing in my direction occasionally, probably wondering what this man is doing.

Anyway, after about thirty minutes of the lesson, I took some time to pray - seeking the Lord to give me discernment for the songs He wants me to use for the service.

Well, thanks be to God my mind became clearer and the songs began to come one after another. I have the tentative list for now. I shall continue to ask the Lord to guide my thoughts throughout the remaining part of today. By tonight I should be able to confirm the songs.

Throughout the time when I was pondering on the songs, the image of a King riding on a donkey kept playing in my mind. If I were at the scene, I wonder how I would react. But this same scene also humbled me because it showed that Jesus Christ did not come to be served like that of a royalty but to serve - basically that of a Servant-King.

Well, I shall end here. I shall write more tonight, if there are other insights from the Lord.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

I Am Vulnerable

A brother-in-Christ emailed me this afternoon after reading my blogs. In one of the paragraphs he asked me how come I have been sharing things that are private so publicly.

My reply to him was this - that I am vulnerable. I am trying as much as I can not to put up a front to show others that I am ok externally when inside me, I know I am not. What is the point? The purpose is to testify that God is at work in my life and the struggles I share will one day be overcome with His help and guidance. But all these are done in His time and not mine.

That is what a pilgrim's journey is about - it is never a bed of roses but it is also never as bad as I always think it to be. I occasionally do feel that life sucks (lately that feeling is very strong) especially when I do not see things happening for the better or when I want quick solutions.

It is tough and sometimes downright frustrating to have to go through certain things in life but at the end of it all, God never fails. Eventually the obstacles will be cleared and life goes on. What I always need to remind myself is this - God must play a part in everything concerning my life. A clay left on the potter's wheel will not be shaped unless the master is present to finish the masterpiece. Well, I am still an unfinished piece of pot - I still have my flaws but eventually the Master will touch me up.

Well, in all that I have shared above, I guess it all boils down to this: Faith makes a Christian. Life proves a Christian. Trial confirms a Christian. Death crowns a Christian.

"Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8

There Is Always A Flip-Side To Everything

This morning I prayed and asked God, if possible, to bring a sister to church. After service I looked around for her but she was no where to be found. I was asking God how come He did not answer my prayer. The reply I got was that He had prompted her but perhaps she had something else planned. I know the Lord is Someone who does not force but one day I am sure He will bring my sister back.

Well, in the lesson I learnt from yesterday's fishing trip, I guess I will continue to be patient and keep on praying. The worst thing that can ever happen is for me to give up. For this case, I know I will not because it involves a life so precious. The devil can try all ways possible to put me down but with God by my side I will keep pressing on.

This morning when I arrived in church, I went to repair my dear friend's bike immediately. In the process of rectifying the mistake made, I learnt a lesson. All these while I thought the nut that holds the crank together can only be inserted on one side only. I realised just now that it can also be inserted on the flip-side. It not only holds the crank tighter and at the same time it also allows the plastic cap that protects the nut to be easily inserted.

Parallel that to the way I see life sometimes, I guess there is always a flip-side to everything. If one remains one-track, which I sometimes can be, then dead-end will be what I see. It was a beautiful lesson because it opens up my horizon. It is amazing how repairing a bike can also allow me to learn something so refreshing. Thanks be to God.

Well, I shall end here as I have to leave for a birthday celebration. I guess I will write more when I come home later.

"A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth." Proverbs 17:24

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

"Patience" Is The Word

I went out with the Youth Ministry Mentors (YMMs) to this place called Bottle Tree Park to fish. Not all could make it though it would have been nice but due to some unforseen circumstances, a few sent their apologies.

Anyway, we had two rods - from 2:30 to 5:00pm, we tried our hands to land in a few whopper catch but to no avail. Other anglers around us were able to hook at least one fish but for the group of us, we did catch something. It was quite hilarious actually - we managed to reel in someone's bermudas. Yup, a pair of green bermudas.

A couple of times I went away on my own to try another spot to cast the line. I also prayed, if possible, God could give us a chance to lure a fish to the hook. But one lesson I did learn in that two and a half hours by the pond. God was teaching me patience.

It has been two months since a very dear sister and I have not been sharing our lives with one another. She has been one of the closest persons in my life. I have been longing for those times when we could fellowship with one another, pray for one another, laugh over the things we talked about, share our woes, go shopping and eating together. Now we are so distant apart. I do not even know what has been going on in her life and I dare not probe for fear that I would offend her. I desire for our brother-sister relationship to be restored. Several times I was affected and frustrated over this. God told me to be patient.

My surgical wound has not been healing well. My life has been plagued with one medical problem to another. How I long to be a healthy person again so that I can exercise and stay fit. There were many occasions where I felt really lousy about myself. God prompted me to be patient - in His time, He will heal me and make me whole again.

I have been trying to reach out to my brother and also a few people but they have not been opened to God's saving grace. Sometimes I feel like giving up but God encouraged me to remain patient because He will eventually use me or another person to bring them into His kingdom.

I have not been finding much joy serving the Lord in the ministry He entrusted me to - the Mission Ministry. I have been clueless where it should be heading towards though there are many avenues for the church to participate. Sometimes I just thought to myself: "maybe another person would do a better job in stirring the ministry". I was rebuked by the Lord to be patient - to carry on the duties He has given me and take time to seek Him in prayer.

It has been many years I have been trying for my driving licence and till date, I have not been able to obtain it. Tried several times but failed. It took me seven years later, after a dear friend encouraged me to re-take my test, that I have decided to try again. Frankly I do not have confidence in passing the next test but I have been longing for that piece of card. God gave me that same word - "Patience". He assured me it will come eventually so long as I press on.

There are many other matters that I have been seeking the Lord in. Sometimes not hearing from Him can be very discouraging. Sometimes the message came and I was told to wait. I know all I have to do is just heed His advice but there were also moments where I just do not know how long more to wait. Still, He wants me to be patient because He knows when is best to give me the desires of my heart.

Wow, never knew a fishing trip today has reminded me one of the most fundamental lessons of the faith - PATIENCE.

I guess I will have to work on this because many times I tried to take things in my own hands. At the end of it all, I destroyed what I have longed for and also stumbled a few people. I do not wish to commit any more of such mistakes in this area.

Well, praise the Lord for the above-mentioned. I brought Sasha along to the outing with the YMMs. I am glad she brought much joy to those present and that she has been rather well-behaved. Today is a confirmation of all the trainings I have been giving her - I know she has learnt much and that both of us have been bonding well. At least good enough for her to respond and also staying close to me though she was unleashed almost throughout the time spent at the park.

Well, I shall end here. I am still feeling thirsty (for water, that is) all the time - I hope that is not a bad sign.

Anyway, thanks be to God for today, though we left the fishing ground empty-handed!

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3

"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly." Proverbs 14:29

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:8-9

Ordering My Private World

I realised I just made a boo-boo to a dear friend's bicycle. I was repairing the crank for her when I was in church but as I was rushing I failed to check the alignment. She called me about 10 minutes ago to inform me of the mistake. I feel so bad because it is already so late.

Just checked the bus guide - thank God the last bus leaves at 11:45pm. What worries me is more her safety. Just prayed for the Lord to protect her as she makes her way home.

Actually this carelessness has been one of the many I have committed lately. My mind has been wandering - sometimes it is not even there. Yesterday I came home and left the gate ajar. It was only when I realised my doggy was missing that I noticed the gate. Thank God Sasha was just along the corridor playing with my grandma's plants.

Three days ago when I was doing my grocery-shopping, I left my whole bag of vegetables at the cashier counter and walked off. I only noticed it was not with me when I came home. I had to go out again to the supermarket to collect the bag. In rushing out, I forgot to put a tub of ice-cream in the freezer. When I came home after retrieving the bag of veggies, I realised about the ice-cream. By then it had already melted.

This morning when I was going for my medical check-up, I walked straight into the glass door as I was searching my bag for my appointment card.

These have been the stories of my life lately.

I once read a book by Gordon MacDonald on "Ordering Your Private World" and in the opening chapter he wrote this memo to the disorganised: "If my private world is in order, it will be because I am convinced that the inner world of the spiritual must govern the outer world of activity."

Anyway, I did not plan to write all of the above-mentioned. My mind lately has been filled with many thoughts basically.

I was at the Worship Team rehearsal in church. I have been rostered to play the drums for the 11:15am service this Sunday. Frankly I was not ready to serve the Lord but just before the practice commenced, I prayed. I told the Lord I would still worship Him with the skill He has given me in drumming though my heart was not prepared to serve. I asked that in doing so, He would refresh me in the process.

Well, the Lord answered my prayer and I was truly refreshed. I enjoyed every moment of the session. Though the drumming was quite tiring for some of the songs, I could still smile and praise the Lord with the rest of the team.

I guess this is what it means to worship the Lord in spirit and truth. I say this not to boast but to testify that it is true that one can still praise God despite of his circumstances. If he so chooses to do what the Lord says, his life would be rejuvenated and that the joy of the Lord would be restored in him and it will then become his strength. Hallelujah!

The medical review today has been positive though my surgical wound has not been healing well and fast enough. The doctor mentioned this could be due to the blood-thinning medication that I have been taking all these while. He advised me to stop consuming it for a while and see whether the condition improves. Other than that, everything is okay.

Well, no matter what the state of my life is now, I still want to thank God for sustaining me.

I am glad my friend has reached home safely. Praise the Lord!

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

Whatever Happened To Love?

This afternoon I had lunch with a friend who called me last night to say he needed to talk to me about something. We met near his workplace and after we've ordered our food, he broke the news to me that last night his girlfriend of three years broke up with him.

It was a surprise to me because all these while I thought things are going well between them. He shared with me the reasons his girlfriend cited for her decision. I will not share all of them on this blog but one puzzled me - my friend does not have a car. Wow! I did not know that can be one of the reasons for a break-up.

Since when in love, there need to have certain conditions pegged to it - one needs to have a car, a condominium, a credit card (at least), certain amount of cash, country club membership. Maybe another 'c' needs to be added here - a coffin! Because if that one person does not own some of the above-mentioned and it drives him to strive for all of them and cannot attain them, it will probably lead him to his grave!

It is so sad to know that nowadays love has become so complicated and insecure. Whatever happened to the love God first insituted to man?

It is true certain things are real needs but does it mean that love cannot function without them? Whatever happened to our trust in God to provide? Whatever happened to being contented with the little we have?

My friend is a God-fearing man. He loves his ex-girlfriend lots. He was devastated because they thought of marriage before and they even appointed me in advance to be their wedding planner.

He is also a practical person - he felt that he does not need a car now as the public transport system in Singapore is good enough for him to commute from one place to another. Perhaps next time when he and his wife have a child, a car would be more convenient then.

Anyway, I spent the time listening to him as he poured out his woes. He is two years younger than me and he fears that he might not be able to find another person to begin another relationship. I told him there is no point pressuring himself with that and if he so desires to have a life-partner, God will provide one for him eventually.

I felt sad for him. We prayed together before we departed.

As I was on my way home, I thought about my own love-life. Is it because I do not have a car that I am still a single? Is it because I am fat? Is it because I have been medically unfit? Is it because I am balding? Is it because I have certain shortcomings?

These are real reasons. I cannot deny I am not affected by my imperfections but so be it. Life still goes on, I guess. I mean, I have to go on, right? God has seen me through many other obstacles and I believe His plans for me are never bad. He also knows my desires and if they so pleases Him, I believe He will honour them in His time.

I used to feel pressured because of grandma, parents, relatives, friends and even strangers but like I told my friend, at the end of the day if God knows my heart's desire, He will answer my prayer one day.

But it still saddens me that a car was one consideration a person can include for a break-up.

Just when I was about to reach my block, I met a sister-in-Christ from church at the bus-stop. When I asked her what she was going to do when she reached home, she told me she is going to study. She said she remembered her promise she made with God and last year's mission team - that though it may be 'O' level year for her, she is going to put her heart and soul in studying hard for Him and at the same time prepare for the mission trip so that when she is done with the exam, she will go to Cambodia again to fellowship with her Khmer siblings-in-Christ.

When I heard that, I know God will honour her desire - I have this confidence that she will definitely be going to Cambodia though she may have to juggle her time revising for the exam and preparing for the trip. I also have this assurance that she will do well for her exam because she chose to honour God first.

It is always very encouraging to see a sibling-in-Christ being focused and getting her priorities right. Thanks be to God for that. I sure hope the rest of the team members have remembered the promise they have made with God and one another.

Anyway, my surigcal wound is still not healing well. Tomorrow I have another medical appointment. I shall ask the doctor to advise accordingly.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." John 15:4-7

Who Is My Neighbour?

I have been running around today trying to get some stuff for my God-sister's birthday. Thank God at the last minute I managed to buy all I needed. She was busy to meet up with me so I decided to care/of her present to her sister at Yio Chu Kang MRT Station.

I felt bad for making her wait at the station as I had to detour to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to ask a doctor-friend to quickly help me change my dressing. While I was running around, I did not notice my sling-bag was actually rubbing against the surgical wound. I felt the damp-ness and realised it was bleeding. As I was wearing white, I had no choice but to call my friend for help. I also did not want my wound to be infected if I were to delay treatment for it.

Praise the Lord everything was settled in double-quick time and off I took the train to meet my God-sister's sister.

After passing the present to her, I decided to go home as I felt a little light-headed.

Well, thanks be to God I am better now. I do not know why lately I am always so thirsty. I have been drinking lots and lots of water. Just feel very dehydrated all the time.

Anyway, this afternoon while I was in Dhoby Ghaut MRT Station changing from the North-East Line to the North-South Line, four lower secondary school students from a well-known school were running around playing catching.

As I was going up the escalator I saw one of them tripped and he landed quite hard on his face and he did not get up immediately. I quickly rushed down to see whether he was okay. Well, he was not - he sustained a chipped front tooth and I think he sprained his left arm too.

I wanted to bring him to the Station Control to have the staff treat his injuries but he refused. I guess he was afraid that he might be reprimanded by the duty officers. Anyway, his life was not in danger but before I left, I chided all four of them. I also told the injured boy to keep his front tooth to see whether the dentist can do anything about it. It is for sure he will have to do crowning for that affected tooth.

To a certain extent, I felt bad for not doing anything when I saw them running around. I was telling myself maybe I should go and tell them not to play in the station but I decided to mind my own business.

The above incident kind of woke my idea up as lately I was telling myself I should care less about people in general. In the end, the boy got injured.

Anyway, I walked the dog in the evening and prayed for my God-sister and a few other people.

I shall try to rest early tonight. I have not been having sufficient sleep for some time already. But still, I thank the Lord for sustaining me through.

"On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live." But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." Luke 10:25-37

God - My Lighthouse

It is 3:16am. I just finished doing something and thought before I sleep that I blog first. Today is my God-sister's birthday. When the clock struck 12:00am, I sent her my birthday greetings. I hope she will enjoy this day that God has specially made for her. She has been a great blessing to me. Thanks be to God for her life.

Just 5 minutes ago when I was looking out of my living room window, I saw an old man sitting alone at the bus-stop on the opposite side of the road. I said a prayer for him as I do not know why he is out at this time of the morning. I hope the Lord will sit beside the uncle and help him if he is in need. I also prayed for God's protection to be upon him.

Yesterday I was out to a few places as in I needed to buy the materials to do something. Praise the Lord I managed to find all that I needed. I also returned some books at the library in the heart of Orchard Road. I had lunch at the foodcourt in Ngee Ann City after that. I also needed to rest a little as my surgical wound was a little stinging.

I went out for a walk with my doggy in the evening and also took the time to share with the Lord some of my struggles. There was no sudden gush of wind in which God spoke but I guess He has heard my cries for help and He will speak when He is ready to. I just hope I have the patience to wait upon Him.

I chanced upon this quote: “He who provides for this life, but takes no care for eternity, is wise for a moment, but a fool forever.” I thought it was a good reminder for us all.

I also like this poem sent to me by a sister-in-Christ...

"God will be with you as you journey
Every moment, every day
His hand will be your shelter
He will safely guide your way
Even in the darkest midnight
There's a Light to see you through
For God has placed a Lighthouse
On a hillside just for you!"

Time to end here.

“Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.” 1 Peter 2:2-3

"And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself.' This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God." Luke 12:16-21

I Am A HUMAN

Last night, I was wrestling with the Lord. Generally I felt very burdened, frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad and troubled. Yup. These were my feelings.

All the above-mentioned rolled into one as I felt very helpless generally. I was telling the Lord that I am just a mere HUMAN - one who makes mistakes, trying to do the right things and has feelings.

Why is it then that sometimes He seems so far away when I cry out to Him? Why is it that some people in my life are so insensitive to me when I try as much as I can to be sensitive to them (I do admit I fumble at times)?

I felt like a piece of dung basically.

I am tired of being good to others. What I get in return is hurt and disappointment. Yes, I do feel hurt! Don't I have the right to experience that?

Well, lately this is what I am going through. I may be a 35-year old man; I may be a 22-year old Christian; I may be a leader of the church but I am also a human being. Cut me some slack and give me a chance to err and to learn.

Anyway, in the end what else could I do? I still had to go to my God with my inability to handle the above-mentioned. I hope He has heard my cry.

I am tired and dry in this current lap of my pilgrim's journey. I need to go to the pit-stop of life and have myself renewed, recharged, refreshed, refuelled - whatever you might want to call it.

I could not sleep properly the whole night but thanks be to God for whatever little of it that I had.

May the Lord be my help.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come,... he will come to save you." Isaiah 35:3-4

An Inspiring Alphabet

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in happy giving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without God's love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking God for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Self Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Prayer can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we get blessings
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xpect from God most high
Yes, there will be some bad times and there will be some good, but...
Zzzz peacefully at night... you're in the care of God!

Seeking Reconciliation

This morning I decided to go to the hospital to have my surgical wound cleaned and treated. Since Saturday when the boy at Carrefour banged into me, the bleeding has not really stopped. Well, the nurse told me there was a slight tear to the right of the wound but it should be alright. I am looking at it now - thank God the bleeding is not so bad.

After visiting the outpatient clinic, I went to town to check out more ideas for my God-sister's sweet 16th birthday this Wednesday. As my wound was stinging and a little itchy, I did not window-shop much.

Came home and basically rested. I felt quite tired so decided to nap. It was refreshing though I only slept for less than an hour.

I went for a stroll with my doggy in the evening - covered quite a distant as I felt I needed to exercise a little. I have put on a little weight since I stopped running due to my knee injury. I do not wish to go back to my previous weight after putting in so much effort to burn away those extra kilos.

While I was near the Potong Pasir MRT Station, I chanced upon the same school-girl I met last Thursday. She is from Serangoon Gardens Secondary School - the school which my church is supporting for the Boys' Brigade uniform group. The first time I met her, she wanted to play with Sasha so I let the both of them mingle with each other.

This girl is from China and she has been here since Primary Four. She is now in Secondary One. Though her age qualifies her to be in Secondary Three, the school actually advised her to go two levels down so that she can work on her English.

Frankly her competence in speaking the language is there. When I first met her, I thought she is a Singaporean.

Ever since I had Sasha, I had several opportunities intereacting with strangers and now when I see them, we would all smile at each other. I hope one day I can go one step further in sharing my faith to them.

Anyway, while I walking, I took the time to pray. In my conversation with God, I asked Him whether I have offended some people lately. I prayed and asked Him to give me an opportunity to resolve any wrongdoings against my friends. I do not want any of my insensitivities to create any rifts in my relationship with others. I also hope to learn from my mistakes. I hope my friends would be gracious to forgive me.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

Being Real Before God

This morning I was teaching at the Youth Ministry on "God - The Name You Can Trust". We learnt about the many names attributed to God where every one of them speaks of His character.

As I was sharing my thoughts with my younger brothers and sisters-in-Christ, I was ministered by God Himself especially when I shared about my mum, as in how she used to abuse me quite a bit - physically, emotionally and mentally.

How I saw my mum, I mirrored that to how I view God as. I used to see God as one who is hot-tempered, abusive and strict. When I was a younger Christian I also could not accept some of His names because I just could not reconcile the fact that there is a God who loves and cares for me. Perhaps my mum had left too much scars (physical and emotional) in me to the point where I cannot see someone else who can be good to me.

Well, over the years as God ministered to me through my many failures and how He changed the lives of my family, even my mum whom I once thought would be condemned to the fiery depths of hell, it opened my eyes that He is a God who keeps His words and that He will never fail me.

Last night when I was looking through the lesson-plan, I was moved to write this statement about God and I thought I include it in today's blog. I shared this with the youths as well.

"The various names of Jesus Christ I've learnt
is not just for head knowledge
but for my heart to be assured
that this SAVIOUR I believe in
is a FATHER who loves and cares for me.
In times of my need,
I will approach no one else
except my GOD Almighty
because He is a FRIEND who lives up to HIS name
and never once will HE fail me.
This is HIS character that will remain unchanged forever!"

Well, praise the Lord for this assurance and for His ever-present help in times of need.

I was also ministered by today's sermon on worship. Lately I have been feeling rather down and there were many occasions when I just did not feel like worshipping God.

Well, Dr Lim Swee Hong woke my thoughts up when he shared that coming before God in worship is not about putting on a fake personality and the church is not for happy but forgiven people.

Many times Christians, myself included, do not wish to attend church when they are down or struggling with trials, knowing that it would be tough to worship God. But it is precisely during moments like these that we should come before Him - simply for the fact that He desires for His people to worship Him in spirit and truth. The word "truth" stated in John 4:23-24 means we should worship God in both good and bad times.

Well, it was a rebuke as well as an encouragement for me. Thanks be to God for teaching me the above-mentioned.

My surgical wound is still bleeding. If there's no improvement tomorrow I will probably go to the hospital to have it treated.

My heart lately has been feeling very heavy. Tried all I could to surrender my burdens to Him but still I feel very troubled. I hate this feeling but I guess I have to go through it in order for me to learn how to overcome this heaviness in me.

I guess that is all I have to share for today. To God be the glory!

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:23-24

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19

I Must Not Exploit Others

This morning I went out for a walk with my dog. Nothing vigorous except for a stroll around the park.

I started conversing with my Father. I was asking God whether sometimes I am being exploited by people and when I am of no use or my opinions do not matter to them anymore, I am being cast aside. Lately I feel that way and it hurts especially when these people are the ones I regarded close to me.

Well, when I brought up the above-mentioned to Him, the question bounced back to me. Do I, Andy Chew, make use of people? I must confess there were occasions in my life where I did. Then another question came - does it feel good to exploit others? The answer was, of course, no.

After I gave the answer to the last question, I was basically challenged then not to commit the same mistake again. As for others making use of me, the Lord just encouraged me to continue to do good in His sight and for His people. It does not matter whether I am being abused or not because if I begin to doubt people's motives, then whatever I do, I am basically executing it with a judgmental spirit. That's wrong because judgement is not mine to give but God.

I was at peace after that and I told the Lord I will continue to do what is right in His eyes.

I just came home not too long ago - I needed to buy some things at a few places in town but the shopping at Plaza Singapura (which was my last stop) was marred by a minor accident to my surgical wound.

A kid, while trying out a mountain bike, knocked into me and of all places, it hit the area where I was operated on. It was painful and when I checked the wound, it was bleeding badly. The mother of the child was so scared because she thought the wound was inflicted by her son but I assured her he did not. Enduring the pain I had to explain to her that I recently went for a surgery.

Anyway, I quickly took a cab home and had the dressing changed. My Polo-T was stained with blood but I am thankful that the wound was alright. It stopped bleeding after I applied the cream. It is stinging but everything should be alright after a while.

I was in church from 11am to around 5:30pm. I was repairing a dear friend's bicycle crank. Thanks to an instructional manual from the web, I was able to get it fixed. Praise the Lord!

After that I had to do the last bit of preparation for tomorrow's Youth Ministry teaching session. I did some tweaking to the overall approach. Well, now I have to leave it to God to use me as an instrument to share His Word to His people.

I attended the Youth Ministry Mentor (YMM) meeting next. It was a fruitful session for me as I got to know more about the YMMs. We had a time of worship, sharing and prayer. We were all challenged to meet regularly for a time of building each other up in the faith and in service. We also reminded each other the importance of prayer and the need to be a testimony to our younger siblings-in-Christ.

Next week the team is meeting up for an outing - hopefully the activity will unite everyone and allow us to bond better.

Well, I shall try to rest early tonight. Lately I have not been able to sleep properly - always waking up in the middle of the night. Hopefully the Lord will help me as I try to sleep more soundly. A lot of dreams and nightmares every night.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I do not know whether God is speaking to me through dreams. Still seeking Him on this and also praying about the dreams and nightmares. Something new to my pilgrim's journey.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24

"The LORD detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to him." Proverbs 15:26

Restoring The Joy In Me

I went for my medical review this morning. The doctor informed me that the surgical wound is a little infected and I was given an injection. The part where my ulcer used to be is healing well though there is still a bit of bleeding. I praise the Lord also that my throat is getting better.

My mum was with me at the hospital. After that we went to Lucky Plaza where I needed to buy some perfumes for my friends. I thank the Lord for the good deals.

We went to Heeren next where I checked out some stuff for my God-sister’s birthday, which is coming very soon. I needed to get some ideas first before finalizing my decision. It was here a dear friend of mine called to inform me that she had actually bought the perfume for her friend’s birthday.

I told her I would have hers exchanged for something else. I was actually thinking of buying a bottle myself as mine is running out soon. I went back to Lucky Plaza to have the perfume changed while my mum shopped at Heeren. I topped up a couple of dollars to try a new scent called Polo Black.

I decided to get something different as I was once encouraged to try other brands to add varieties. I did see the point and hence this new cologne.

After checking out some shops in Heeren, we proceeded on to Parco Bugis Junction as I needed to do a favour for the same friend who called me about the perfume. She asked me whether my mum and I were heading towards that shopping mall by any chance. She elaborated that she likes a cross pendant she saw at a jewellery shop there and was wondering whether I could do her a favour by buying the pendant. I told my friend it was no problem at all as I do not wish it to be sold out if she were to buy it another day.

It took me a while to locate the pendant because my friend told me the wrong price for it. I saw one which is very nice and I kind of guessed it was what my friend wanted. I called her and after describing the design, she confirmed that it was that piece.

My mum agreed it was nice. I concurred that and felt the cross would look very good on my friend when she wears it. We managed to get a discount as well. Praise the Lord.

I bought dinner for my dear friend and myself before heading to church. We both ate at The Plaza. She had Teriyaki Eel with Rice while I had a bowl of boring pork porridge. Anyway, thanks be to God for food!

I joined the Worship Team for a short while in their rehearsal and after that I was with the youths. They were all having fun jamming together.

Before I left the church for home, I spent some time in prayer just outside the Worship Hall. I told the Lord that lately there seemed to be not much of a joy in my life and requested of Him to restore that joy in me. I also took the time to pray for a few people.

Well, I had a great day with my mum. It was a good bonding session for the both of us. I am also glad for the stuff I bought for my friends and myself.

Thanks be to God for a wonderful day!

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:10-12

“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:11-12

No Retirement In God's Kingdom

I was planning to do my lesson preparations at home for this Sunday’s Youth Ministry (YM) teaching session but it was a great struggle. There were just too many distractions: Sasha; bed; food; parents; and grandma.

In the end I decided to do something which I know I should not. I went out to a Coffee Bean outlet in the heart of Shenton Way. I like the place a lot as it is quite quiet though it may be located in the business district. This was the same joint I used when I was planning the first session with the youths a couple of weeks back.

Anyway, by the grace of God and also prayer support from a dear friend – she knew I was out when she called me to ask how I am and I had no choice but to confess to her – I was able to complete what I wanted to share! I was at the café from 11am to 3:45pm.

It felt good as I finished the last bits. I may fine-tune some parts in the coming days but overall I am grateful to God for His guidance. I joyfully messaged my friend about the finished work and left for home.

My prayer now is that the youths will be able to grasp the lesson on the various names of God as a representation of His character. Having that knowledge, may they always go to Him when in need, for I know it is the desire of God to see His children draw near to Him at all times.

Well, may God use me as a channel to bring forth this assurance to my younger siblings-in-Christ.

You know, I am, in a way, thankful to God that I made the decision to go out today. If not, I would not have the chance to encounter an interesting old person in the North-East Line (NEL) train while on my way home. I regarded him as an angel.

I boarded the train at Dhoby Ghaut Station. Just two seats away from mine was this old man. What drew my attention to him was that he was a very well-dressed elderly – crisp cream long-sleeved shirt with a reddish-coloured tie and a pair of black business slacks.

In his hands were two small diaries and a big Pitman dictionary. He also had a black sling bag which he tucked in between his legs.

Anyway, I went on to do my own stuff. The old man again caught my attention when I saw him tapped on the shoulder of a Malay woman, probably in her late 30s. He was offering his seat to her. Thinking that he would be alighting soon, she gladly accepted it.

One station went by but the uncle did not alight. Curious, the lady asked him and he said his station was Sengkang (the last station of the NEL). She felt bad and wanted to return the seat to him but he declined.

His kind act opened a channel for the lady to converse with him.

Since I went on the train, my throat was irritating me and I was coughing a little. At a glance I saw this hand with a tin box coming toward my direction. I turned my head and it was the old gentleman’s. He offered me a cough drop but I declined initially. He insisted so I took one and popped it into my mouth. The lozenges did help soothe my throat.

I was very curious to know more about this person. I left my seat and stood next to him. I shook his hand and introduced myself. It was here I got to know the gentleman’s name as Michael. I must say he has a very firm handshake. I shook his lightly for fear that I might break his fingers but I think mine could have been the ones broken.

Guess what? Uncle Michael is 112 years old. Guess what again? He is a retired pastor. He is one living example of a servant of God who never cease serving the Lord – truly living out this statement that there is no such thing as retirement in the Kingdom of God.

Every day this very old sibling-in-Christ goes around Singapore reaching out to families who are poor and dysfunctional. He also gives English tuition to those who cannot afford one.

In the midst of our conversation, Uncle Michael asked whether I am sick and I answered accordingly. He asked me to press on and assured me that I will be well. He also said that he will be keeping me in his prayers. I would like to take his word as an affirmation from God. In fact I know that He is already healing me bit by bit. My constipation was gone this morning when I was able to purge. The wound has not been bleeding much too. I know in His time, God will make me well again.

I have never seen such an old person with so much discernment and self-sacrificial spirit in him. There is this aura that attracts people to him and he brings smiles to those around him, as I have observed in the train.

His life humbled me and I was also rebuked to a certain extent. Already at the end of 35, I have thought of giving up serving the church and God’s people several times. Looking at Uncle Michael, I was challenged to serve the Lord all the days of my life.

May the Lord be my help and use me as an instrument of peace to the people I meet.

So, next time when you are on the NEL train, keep a look-out for a well-dressed old gentleman. If you see one, it is definitely Uncle Michael. Go and speak to him and be blest by his words and actions.

Did I regret going out today? Not at all. I am not justifying my actions but I think God has His purpose when I made the choice to do my lesson-planning outside of home.

Thanks be to God!

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” Ephesians 6:7-8

God - The Name I Can Trust

I had wanted to attend the Local Church Executive Committee (LCEC) meeting tonight (which is going on now) but in the end I had no choice but to change my mind. I actually went to church at around 3pm but at about 5pm, my wound started bleeding again. I thought it would stop but it did not. I felt a little light-headed and decided that I should go back and rest.

Before I made my decision to go home, I was actually preparing for the Youth Ministry (YM) lesson for this Sunday. I am still seeking Him as to how I can tune the session in such a way where the youths will be attentive to the topic. Hopefully from tomorrow onwards my line of thoughts would be clearer.

I had the dressing changed. While cleaning the area where I was operated on, it stinged badly. I really hope it will not get infected. I managed to eat some porridge that grandma cooked. I have also taken some laxatives and hope I will be able to purge soon. I need to do that soon otherwise there is a fear of poisoning due to the internal bleeding. My urine has a tinge of blood already.

I just spent some time in prayer. I confessed to the Lord that I am becoming bitter towards life and also people. This is definitely wrong hence I needed Him to help me. I asked Him to protect my actions and thoughts as I do not wish to let the devil lay a foothold in my life. I am walking on very thin ice now and I need to be very careful.

Never knew in a span of a month and a half, things in my life have gone topsy-turvy - never saw it coming but now it is a little too late to prevent it from happening. Since I am in it now, I can only trust God to help me and also those who are involved in this time of trials.

The topic I will be teaching this Sunday in YM is on "God - The Name I Can Trust." It is a struggle to teach this lesson when I, myself, am struggling with trusting God to guide me in this time of frustration, disappointment and exhausation (mainly physical, emotional and mental). Perhaps this is the week God wants me to grasp the lessons first before I impart them to my younger siblings-in-Christ.

It is my prayer that I will not be a hypocrite when I stand before the youths. So far, I must say that I have been finding a lot of comfort as I looked through the various names of God which basically showed His many characteristics. I realised, at the end of it all, God always has His people in mind in everything He does. The sad part is His people do not always have Him in their minds in everything they do. I am one of them.

"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." Proverbs 14:10

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:30-32

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

Does God Speak Through Dreams?

It is 6:40am. I have not been able to sleep properly the whole night. I woke up at 4:15am feeling sad and troubled for someone. I could not do anything else except to pray for her. I had to because Andy Chew here, a human being with limited abilities, has reached his limits trying to help this person and only God Almighty, who has unlimited powers, can save the soul of this person! I pleaded with Him once again to protect her.

Around 2am, I had a pleasant dream but when I woke up I was disappointed that it was just a dream. Why even in my sleep do I have to think so much? Is God speaking to me in my dreams? Anyway, I shall leave it as that.

I just changed my dressing. I realised the area I was operated on was bleeding quite badly and a considerable part of my mattress was stained with blood.

My throat hurts; I was running a slight fever last night; I vomited twice since I came home and I'm feeling a little light-headed and having a headache; I think I am having constipation too. This is common, I have been told, by a doctor-friend, especially for the kind of surgery I had undergone. There will be internal bleeding the next few days but this should be discharged when I pass motion. Sometimes it may even appear in my urine.

I am thankful to God that many of my closer friends prayed for me during the operation. A very dear friend messaged me a verse and also reminded me of my favourite verses from the Book of Philippians. It came just at the right time when I was concerned about the surgery being postponed due to my blood pressure being too high. The doctor commented that I was probably anxious. He asked me to relax. I held on to the verse my friend gave and also my favourite verses. Took the time to pray also. Just before 9am, they took another reading and by the grace of God, the pressure came down considerably for the doctor to give a go-ahead.

During the surgery, apparently I bled and I was given a pint of blood transfusion. Other than that, all went well.

I was discharged just before noon. I came home and basically slept. I just felt very weak. I did not eat much - in fact I have not consumed solid food since Monday evening when I was instructed to skip dinner, to prepare my tummy for the treatment.

A stream of smses came on my mobile phone - many from those I requested to pray for me; some from people whom I did not inform; there were even some from my ex-students who messaged to say they are praying from me - one of them is a staunch Buddhist. These were people whom I was not closed to but still God used them to lift my spirit up.

Well, the above surgery is one where I will never want to go through again in my pilgrim's journey. Just once is enough for me, if that is what God wants me to experience. I am really very tired.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Do Not Quit!

I got this in an email from a friend. It is amazing how timely this came because just yesterday I was on the verge of quitting altogether! I did not even share my struggles with him.

One day I decided to quit - my job, my relationship, my spirituality.
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me.
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit."
He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just six months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots.
I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.
Don't compare yourself to others."
He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern,
yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come, "God said to me. " You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experiences.
Both are essential to life.

Keep going...

Happiness keeps you sweet,
Trials keep you strong,
Sorrows keep you human,
Failures keep you humble,
Success keeps you glowing,
But only God keeps you going!

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Give Others A Chance To Change

Have you ever experienced a time where you judged a person's characteristic flaws and concluded that he will never be able to change for the better? It comes to a point where you become prejudice towards that individual and because of that there will always be a barrier between you and that person.

This has been running in my mind for a while already and I struggle with it because I have stereotyped others before and I also have been stereotyped by others.

I prayed about this and I was challenged to put the above-mentioned to a stop! Who am I to judge others that they will never be able to change for the better when God Himself has always been tolerant with my sins and even sent His Son to die on the cross and redeem my life?

It is always easy for me to stereotype someone but if I see that person as my friend or my sibling-in-Christ, then I should learn to accept him as who he is. In fact I should go one step further and walk with the person as he overcomes his shortcomings.

I definitely would love someone to do that with me as I strive to overcome the weaknesses of my life. I think the journey would be much easier as there will be accountability and support throughout the transformation process.

All of us need to learn to give others a chance to learn from their mistakes and change. We need to show grace just as God has been gracious to us.

This morning when I was playing the drums at the 11:15am service, the ulcer acted up again and it got really bad that I broke into cold sweat again, like the other day. I could not stop playing so I asked the Lord to sustain me and I am grateful to Him that He did. During the announcement time, I had to rush to the toilet to jab myself and I felt better, though the discomfort was still there.

I wanted to go home and rest but could not as I had to share my testimony at the Young Adults' Forum about how God has led me to where I am now in my career path.

A brother gave me a ride home after that.

As I was praying for some friends just before I decided to nap, another pain came and again it was not a mild one. I was very frustrated because most of the time it can be very trying physically, emotionally and mentally! There have been many occasions where I just cried out to God when He will stop all these physical struggles that I have been going through. Yesterday was one of those occasions.

I was grateful to a dear friend who happened to be online and I poured out my woes to her. She made me feel better as she brought me back to the right perspective of suffering. Whatever she shared with me were not new but when I am at a painful situation it is hard to put to practice what I know. I praise the Lord for providing her to me at the correct time.

Anyway, tomorrow is my check-up and I have a strong feeling that the doctor will recommend the surgery. I do not know when though. I guess I will be informed of the schedule after the medical appointment.

I really pray that after this operation, I do not have to worry anymore about my stomach ulcer. This is of course my desire but I do not know what God's plan is regarding this as I continue on with my pilgrim's journey.

Sometimes I wonder whether there is progress in this road that I am travelling on - many times along the way, I have faced many major setbacks: failures in studies, in relationships, in my health. Sometimes I admire others as in how they breezed through their studies, how they were engaged in a relationship and eventually got married; how healthy they are.

Sometimes I still feel I am a low-grade product. Well, maybe there's a reason for that.

Anyway, I shall stop here.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14