Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Numbering My Days

I assisted my Pastor-in-Charge in conducting a wake tonight. It was for a dear sister-in-Christ's grandfather who passed away yesterday. The passing was unexpected for the family.

I was in church in the afternoon to prepare the Youth Ministry (YM) lesson for this Sunday when my Pastor asked whether I could assist. I agreed to it as I wanted to minister to the family. I hope I did.

Though it is always sad to attend a wake, knowing that a loved one has left this world, it is also a time for one to ponder on life.

My pastor reminded the family and all present to number our days while we are still alive. She challenged every one to consider what are the important things in life. She warned that sometimes the way we live make it seems as if life here on earth is forever. But she reminded every individual that it is not to be and life can end as early as before the next minute. Be it young or old, every one should not take life for granted.

I was told that the average age of a man is 72 years. As I am 35 now, I roughly have 37 years left of me. Multiply that number by 365, I basically have 13505 days. Well, that is how much I am left with in my pilgrim's journey.

I give thanks to God for this timely message because the whole of today I have not been feeling that great.

The day did not start well. It began with disappointment and frustration. I was supposed to meet my colleague immediately after the Liverpool-Chelsea match to discuss on some articles that we were supposed to do. As the deadlines are drawing near, we needed to rush them. My colleague assured me that he would be able to make it when I asked him a couple of times whether he was certain since our appointment was so early in the morning - 6am.

When I reached the office, he was not there. An hour later, he was still not in sight. I called and messaged him but to no avail. He finally came and that was at 9am. Three hours late. He apologised and said he overslept. He knew I was frustrated. I could have used those hours of waiting to sleep as well since I stayed up to watch the match but chose to forgo them just so we could meet up.

Anyway, I left it as it was and went on with my work.

The next struggle came when I was in church trying to prepare the lesson for this Sunday. Suddenly my whole mind was in turmoil.

The crux of the topic is on resolving conflicts. The whole time when I tried to start the lesson preparations, there was this accusing voice that kept saying to me, "Andy, how are you going to teach this lesson when you are currently in conflict with a sister? Do not kid yourself and be a hypocrite! You should have chosen to go for the Phuket trip this weekend with your friends instead of teaching this lesson!"

For an hour and a half, I just stared into my computer and nothing came out of my mind. I messaged a dear friend to pray for me as I needed some prayer support.

Well, since morning till the time I was struggling with the lesson plan, I felt really lousy. Sometimes I asked myself why am I so stupid to do things for people and sacrificing part of me when I could choose not to bother at all?

I also wondered if I have chosen to live my life in a more low-key attitude, maybe that would minimise potential tensions with people because the more prominent I am or pro-active I become, then the chances of conflicts are higher.

I also questioned whether sometimes I am being taken for granted by others. Here I am trying to make people happy but in the end, I got treated negatively.

Anyway, I share the above thoughts because those were precisely the things I was struggling with. I do not necessarily subscribe to them. I also did not write them to boast about the things I do. Just that at that point when I was feeling lousy, all these thoughts just came to mind.

Well, that is why I am thankful for the message my Pastor shared during the wake. At the end of the day when I have counted my days and realised there is not much time left, all the struggles I shared above pale in comparison with pursuing what is vital - that is to continue to do what God wants me to and not let disappointments cause me to doubt about the role God has given me.

So, how is my pilgrim's progress report? Well, once in a while, it has been stalled by the doubts and struggles of life but it is still moving along because it has to. I basically need God to continue spurring me on - sometimes I need Him to kick me in the butt so that I can wake up my ideas and move on.

Long sharing for today's blog. Thanks be to God for this day especially for the lesson learnt!

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning - though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered. We are consumed by your anger and terrified by your indignation. You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan. The length of our days is seventy years — or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you. Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O LORD! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us — yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90

No comments: