I M Possible

All I can conclude for today is simply these three words - "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Before I decide to share my thoughts here, I had to just spend some time worshipping the Lord. For what He has done for me today, everything else that I need to do before I try to catch some sleep can wait. He deserves the praise due His name! No second thoughts about that. :)

This may seem exaggerated but the past few weeks, God's presence has been so evident in my life that I am simply overwhelmed. He has helped me in getting myself back on track, though there is always room for improvement on my part. He has converted all the negative feelings I have in me to positive ones. He has turned some burdens I have for my loved ones to that of hope because I have committed them to prayer. His Word which I have been reading daily have been my source of strength and trust because what He says in the Bible, He will do. Amen to that!

Late last night I was very troubled over a matter after receiving some messages on my mobile but I lifted that to God and this morning when I woke up, I was certain what I needed to do, compared to yesterday when I was very wishy-washy. God heard my prayer, prepared me while I was sleeping, and when I woke up, I simply did what He prompted me. There was simply peace in my heart throughout.

I was also anxious last night about a brunch meeting scheduled this morning. I told the Lord my apprehension and fears. I did not get an answer there and then but this morning when I spent some time communing with God, He just told me to speak the truth... there is nothing else that I have to do.

When the meeting came, I just did what I was led to and the fellowship throughout was pleasant and sincere. I will continue to pray that there will be more of such fellowship because this dear individual whom I was conversing with is someone I cherish deeply. :)

What struck a chord in me in all these encounters was during the missions training session I had with the Youth Ministry Missions Team. The facilitator (an ex-staff of my church and a very dear sister-in-Christ to me) who led the session shared with us a testimony. She was apparently praying for something which seemed impossible. As she struggled through that prayer, a revelation came to her...

If you look at the word "IMPOSSIBLE" (which may apply in a difficult situation or a struggle or a broken relationship, etc) and when you pray about it, God will tell you that "I M Possible." Isn't it wonderful and assuring to note that our God, who is the Great I AM, can make all things possible? :) It is simply just a prayer away. To me, that was an affirmation.

So many things which I have been struggling with one or two months ago; some as long as one to one and a half years ago are now turning for the better because God has reminded me that He can make all things possible. The question is whether I have that faith in Him. Well, the past few weeks I have decided to place that faith/trust in Him because I was at my wit's end. He helped me and I know He will continue to guide me till all the struggles are resolved. Hallelujah!!! :)

One more week and I will be spending some time away on a personal retreat. I have no idea what God has prepared for me but I am open to learn and also to obey. I am looking forward to it but there is this little part in me where I feel a bit apprehensive. Well, I will commit that to God and allow Him to speak as I go along. :)

My legs are like jello now as I brisk-walked with a dear brother over a distance of 4.5km where the route had a couple of up-slopes. Towards the end I ran and I am glad my knees felt okay. I will not push it though till I lose more weight before intensifying my exercise regime.

I shall key off here! Glory be to God!!! :)

"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”" Matthew 19:26

Made More Friends!

I came back not too long ago from the National Day Parade Preview. This is my last involvement for this event as I will be away on the eve of National Day to The Netherlands for my personal retreat.

I must confess I will be missing it as I always enjoyed serving the nation in this kind of celebration. I like the interaction with the crowd and also to see the area of my responsibility being accomplished. Glory to God though! :)

I got to know 6 new persons today - two from Canada; one from Germany; one from India; and the other from the United Kingdom. They are all exchange students. I can only remember three of their names though - Johan from Germany, Shanti from India and Richard from the U.K.. The two from Canada I could not recall as they were rushing off for dinner and I did not want to hold them up.

I guess getting to know total strangers kind of take away the mundane of just doing my duty. When I had nothing much to handle, I would just talk to them. :)

The next thing I will be sharing is not meant to sound mean in any way but it was quite funny. Before the firing of the 21-gun salute, I would usually warn parents of young kids to be careful that their children do not get startled. They would thank me for it and then they carried on with their conversations or went on eating the dinner they packed along.

Then came the first BOOM and suddenly there was this symphony of children crying in unison. Hee. :) Then you would see their parents apologising to their kids. :) It is funny but at the same it is not.

Anyway, I had a conversation with an elderly lady who is wheel-chair bound. She is the sixth person I spoke to. Her daughter brought her to the Marina Bay to view the fireworks but what hit my heart-string was that they were there since 1.00pm when the sun was still scorchingly hot. They feared that if they had gone late, they would not get the best spot but they forgot that as the crowd grew larger, the aunty's view would be blocked.

I stooped to the height of the elderly lady and after that I went to those standing in front of her, asking them whether it was okay that they moved slightly to the left or right so that she could have the best view. Everyone cooperated and I was happy for their thoughtfulness.

When everything was over, I asked her whether she enjoyed the fireworks display and what she said hit me - "Kum xia ah, Ah Di. Wa erm jai meh ni eh sai kua kek ji pai bo." In translation, she meant, "Thank you, young man. I do not know whether next year I will have the chance to see this again." I told her she will and she smiled. I sure hope so.

Well, I shall end here. I have some laundry to hang and after that I will go and sleep.

Good night!

Keep On Walking

I did my usual walk in the park. I started at around 6am and basically spent an hour or so exercising and talking to God about what I wrote in my last blog.

I came back and took up the courage and mooted an idea to my parents and grandma that we go out to one of the coffee shops for breakfast. I am surprised mum and grandma agreed. My parents and I had pratas while grandma had vegetarian bee hoon.

In one segment of our conversation, I shared with them why last night, I decided to go into my room when we were dealing with the rice cooker issue. I told them that God prompted me to step away so that the situation would not worsen. I shared with them frankly that I was on the verge of blowing my top and if I had stayed on and tried to defend myself, it would have become one of those usual quarrels the family have been experiencing for years.

I was not expecting any apologies from grandma and mum for the remarks they made. I just wanted all to know that there are alternatives to solving our differences.

Well, I did not speak at length on yesterday's incident as I felt there was no need to. After breakfast, dad and mum went out and I followed grandma to do some marketing.

My chest feels a little tight but it should be alright after a while.

I was just reflecting on how God has played a major role in the way I have been dealing with my struggles and life lately. One thing I know for sure is that His presence is with me. No more those times when I always acted on impulse and using my human wisdom and understanding in dealing with difficult situations.

That said, it does not mean I do not have my burdens for my loved ones or occasionally still making mistakes while in the process of learning. Like it or not, I will never be perfect because I am still a human.

One thing I can testify to why my outlook in life and attitude in dealing with circumstances that come by way have improved is simply my walk with God.

The past one and a half years I have not really been in step with Him hence I got bitter, angry, disappointed, frustrated, resentful with God, my parents, grandma, brother, sister and even the people in church.

A brother-in-Christ from another church who has been keeping up with my blogs even remarked that suddenly I have so much things to share about my life in my blogs when for the past year or so, my blog-site was as good as dead. He told me, "Andy, welcome back! You are back on track again!"

Thanks be to God for that but I must not rest on my laurels. My pilgrim's journey here on earth will always come to a standstill if I do not constantly make an effort to keep in step. How?

1) Purposefully set aside time to commune with God daily... not with my leftover time but giving the best part of the day to Him which I know my mind is most alert;
2) Read God's Word and putting it to action;
3) Pray - simply crying out to God the struggles I am experiencing;
4) Be still - letting God speak while being quiet;
5) Be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ;
6) Be opened to being rebuked in love by these siblings-in-Christ;
7) Be willing to be broken and vulnerable to God and those whom I am accounting my life to;
8) Be aware of who my enemy is and there is only one - Satan;
9) Asking some siblings-in-Christ to be my constant prayer warriors;
10) Giving thanks to God in all circumstances.

The above-mentioned sounds like there are so many steps to take but they have become so much part of me that I am practicing most of them naturally and daily. Praise God for that. :) I just pray I will be able to persevere on.

Oh yah, another thing I did was to put aside distractions which will lure me away from God. Different people will have different distractions so it is impossible for me to list them out. I guess we all know what are some areas which may draw us away from God. It is not easy to let them go... some we may have to but for others... we need to ensure that they do not take over the top position of our lives where God is supposed to be.

I shall end here. I have loads of clothes to iron and after that I need to sweep the floor.

It's Okay To Be A Fool

I just finished spending some time in prayer. I needed to because when I came home I was bombarded by mum and grandma over a small matter related to the rice cooker. I have taught all of them a couple of times on how to use it and it was as simple as just pressing a button and that was it. I even marked it with black tape in the shape of a cross so that it can be differentiated from the other buttons.

After showing them again, suddenly remarks were made by mum as to why I had to buy this kind of rice cooker and grandma said that she should stop cooking for the family since I am making things so difficult for her.

What have I done to make them say those hurting words? At one point I wanted to blow my top but I just stepped away, closed my room door and prayed.

Sometimes I wonder whether my loved ones know what I have been doing for them: taking a step back during conflicts so that I do not lose my cool and blast everyone which all these while have not made things better; giving them space as requested; encouraging them with the Word of God as it holds more wisdom and truth than words from me; praying for them several times daily for our relationships to improve so that instead of putting each other down that we try building each other up.

What do I get in return for taking the effort?

I am not being appreciated. I am being wrongly accused. I am being ignored. I am being doubted. Sometimes they make me feel that it is all my fault... when all these while I have their well-being in mind; when I am doing these out of love for them.

Voices in me kept telling me that I am a fool! An idiot!

During the time I spent praying in my room, I prayed against those voices. I may look like a fool but if I desire for relationships to be better with my loved ones, it has to start with ME. Seriously if that makes me a fool, so be it... as long as it is for the good!

Well, it is not an appropriate time now to talk to mum and grandma. Perhaps tomorrow I will do so.

I am tired but I need to go hang the laundry first before spending some time praising God with my close companion - the guitar.

It is still a great day though it ended in a pretty unpleasant manner. Thanks be to God! :)

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech." 1 Peter 3:8-10

Tanned Marks Which Sparked A Conversation

This morning after my walk at the park, I had cravings for 'wanton' (dumplings) noodles. As I know of a stall in Cassia Crescent (near the Old Airport Road market), I decided to head there for my breakfast. Sasha, my Silky Terrier, walked with me just now. I think she is quite weak. After walking around the park once, her tongue was so long that it could just touch the ground. :) Anyway, since she wanted to go out with me, she had to endure another two rounds. :(

When we reached home and after I washed her feet, she just went to her favourite corner in the living room and slumped on the floor. When I left the house for Old Airport Road, she just could not be bothered to see me off as she usually would at the gate. Poor doggy.

In my next walk, I shall bring the two fatty hammies with me. It would be the start of their Tough Club programme. One of them (the darker grey one) just jumped out of the cage when I opened the food container. It could not run fast as his tummy was rubbing against the table top. Maybe later when I go home, I will try to drop the hammies on the floor and see whether they will bounce. Hee. I also wonder whether pet shops sell leashes for hamsters. :)

I was happy that the 'wanton' noodles stall was opened. After receiving my order, I went to sit down on one of the tables occupied by an elderly gentleman. The coffee shop was crowded so I had no choice but to share table.

Anyway, after I took my first bite of the yummy noodles, the uncle started talking to me. He is a very chatty guy and quite funny too. He must have seen my feet somehow or rather and candidly asked me how come there are funny shapes on them. Initially I did not know what he was talking about. When I realised he was referring to the tanned marks, I explained to him that they were due to the regular fishing trips which I did prior to my surgery.

When he heard that, he was like "Orh!!! Tao tao hua seoh an chua lerh eh ang kong ah neh guai eh." That was the Hokkien dialect. He was basically saying, "Orh!!! I was just wondering how come your tattoos are so funny." Haha. I almost choked on my noodles when he said that. Hilarious!

That sparked off our conversation. I introduced myself and he did likewise. He just asked me to call him Ah Hong. As we continued chatting over a plate of noodles and a cup of coffee, a couple of his friends came by to greet him. I heard some of them addressing him as "Hong Kah Cik" (Uncle Hong Kah).

That led me to ask him whether he is a Christian because 'Hong Kah' in Hokkien means Christian. He laughed and said if he was a Christian, God would be vomitting loads of blood because of the kind of life he lives. He did not elaborate though and since this is the first time we met, I left it as it was. I laughed with him and basically told him that I am from a church in 'Ang Sa Li" (Serangoon Gardens) and he said he knew of that place as he used to stay in the Punggol area.

Well, he kind of made my day because I did not expect to talk to anyone when I had my cravings. I also never knew that my tanned marks would have sparked a conversation with a total stranger. Oh yah, I treated him to a bowl of soup noodles and he thanked me for it.

I shall keep this gentleman in prayer. Perhaps I will visit this coffee shop more often since I like the noodles and hopefully I can talk to Ah Hong more often.

I heard a lot about a beancurd stall in the Old Airport Road market. I went to search for it and finally found it but to my disappointment it was still closed. Actually the shutter of the stall was half-opened and I could see containers of beancurd in the refrigerator but the owner refused to sell them to me though I wanted only two. As I could not wait as I was expecting a ride from a dear sister-in-Christ, I guess I will come again another time. :)

Well, a great start to the day. I shall anticipate and see what other adventures the Lord has for me.

"Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6

Look Out; Reach Out

In my previous blog, I mentioned that an acquaintance just committed suicide. In my conversation with a sister-in-Christ, I realised I taught his two children before in Sunday School. I could vaguely remember because this was several years ago.

Their father was apparently suffering from depression and I guess it hit a point where he could not take it anymore.

I do not wish to sound morbid here but when I was going through a difficult time taking care of my ailing parents and grandma and on top of that having to deal with other personal struggles, there were moments when I could hear voices telling me to end it all so that I do not have to deal with the woes of life anymore. In two instances they sounded like a solution but I prayed against them.

It was from these two experiences that caused me to talk to God and some closer siblings-in-Christ about my struggles. This helps because I am no more carrying the burdens alone and I know I have my siblings-in-Christ to keep watch over me and also for them to pray for me.

The problems may not necessarily go away immediately but at least I know now that I am not fighting alone.

It is sad that I have to use this incident to share things like the above-mentioned. I guess this is where we need to be more aware of the lives of our friends. When we know someone is depressed or struggling with certain areas in his life, try to make time for him. Do not assume that he will be alright in due time. We will never know. This may mean taking some precious time off you but if you can make a difference, I think it is worth the sacrifice.

What some of my closer siblings-in-Christ have done for me have ministered to me powerfully and it sure makes my life's struggles easier to handle.

Let us please look out and reach out.

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

God Understands

This morning when I woke up, I decided to go for a walk. I headed for the park and basically spent about an hour just walking and talking to God. I needed to commit to Him certain questions and burdens I have. I used to keep everything within me and there came a point where I simply cannot handle them anymore.

As much I do share with some closer siblings-in-Christ about my struggles or certain thoughts I am reflecting, I realised it is easier to talk to God because I do not really need to explain myself to Him as He already knows my thoughts and motives.

I also have the assurance that I will not be misunderstood because there is no way for me to hide anything from Him as He knows even my innermost thoughts. It is as simple as just pouring out my woes and concerns (for others and myself) to Him and just take heart that He has heard my cries and is already in the process of answering my prayers.

That said, please do not misunderstand that those whom I confide in are always misunderstanding me. It is just that sometimes it is difficult for them to understand where I am coming from and there were moments where I do not know how else to explain to them especially in issues which seem to be out of the ordinary. I really appreciate them being there for me and their inputs do give me insights to what I am struggling with.

It is basically very tiring on my part but I need to try my best to be as clear to them as possible. To me, being accountable to some of my spiritual family members is important. I also know God can speak through them especially those who understand the issues I am battling with.

I still do not have answers to the many questions I have but this is the hope I am placing in God that one day He will reveal them to me.

Anyway, I have been informed just now that an acquaintance has committed suicide just a few days ago. It was apparently due to depression. Sigh. May God be with the family during this difficult period. :(

I shall go have my lunch now.

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand — when I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:1-18

Transmitter And Strobe

Yesterday I mentioned about the transmitter being connected to the main light-strobe which a dear sister-in-Christ and I fixed but could not get the flash going because there were no batteries in the transmitter's battery compartment.

I do not know why but I have been thinking about the above incident throughout the time I was doing housework earlier. I realised that experience can be paralleled to that of my relationship with God.

Eversince I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, I am connected with Him, just like the strobe is connected to the transmitter but I guess it does not just stop there.

In this analogy, I guess God is the transmitter since He is the Giver of life. But in order for me, being the strobe, to give out light, I cannot function without any batteries. If my spiritual tank is dry, then I cannot give out light as God intended me to be in this world.

This is where I need to let my batteries to be constantly running so that the light in me is always shining. How do I do that? I basically asked myself the following questions...

1) Where is God in my life?
2) Is He No. 1?
3) Do I read God's Word?
4) Why do I want to read it?
5) Do I pray?
6) Why do I pray?
7) How and what do I pray?
8) Have I been practicing the discipline of being still so that I can deliberately listen to Him especially in this world of busyness?
9) Am I in fellowship with my spiritual family?
10) Do I have a few siblings-in-Christ whom I can account my life to?

There may be other questions one may ask but for me those were the questions I asked myself while I was reflecting. It is important for every child of God to regularly take pit-stops in our pilgrim's journey so that he can take stock of his life.

Only with this spiritual discipline being inculcated in him will he grow and remain a blessing to the people around.

For me, I have not really kept my life in check for the past one and a half years hence I have been running on an almost-empty tank. Because of this, I have been a stumbling block to my parents, grandma, brother, sister and also my siblings-in-Christ in church. Some damages have been done in the course of my carelessness and I regret them now.

As much as I am praying for reconciliation and working towards being a blessing again, I am focusing, first and foremost, on getting my walk back on track again. Praise God He is helping me in this now.

I know of some other siblings-in-Christ who are in the same rut as me. A sister-in-Christ shared about hers just now in her FaceBook posting.

As a church what are we going to do about this? I think every one in it must never be indifferent. Many times I have been. Every one needs to keep a look-out for one another. We need to be interested in each other's lives. We have to get out of our comfort zones to walk with each other. We need to read God's Word. We need to pray. We need to rebuke in love. We need to be shining lights again.

I am praying for my church that we will do all of the above-mentioned. There are some who are beginning to see all these and I pray God will bring about a breakthrough and revival. We must never be comfortable! That is what I am asking God in my life and in the church I am worshipping in.

We need to get our batteries running again. We need to let our lights shine brightly for God! :)

Press on, my brothers and sisters-in-Christ. Run with me and let us grow towards Christlikeness! :)

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25

Answered Prayers In The Weirdest Of Situations

I came back not too long ago from a movie which I had wanted to watch since it opened but I did not get down to doing it for several reasons. Anyway, I watched Harry Potter. I was a late fan of this movie but I managed to catch up till where it is now - the ending. It was my sister who got me interested. Anyway, I enjoyed the two hours or so watching it.

I am actually very tired. It had been a long day yesterday with a couple of hiccups but praise the Lord all went well in the end. :) I cannot sleep now as I am waiting to hang my laundry which is still being washed.

I had a photography assignment with Changi Airports International ("CAI") last morning. When I was setting up the equipment, I placed what I thought were fresh batteries into the flash. When I turned it on, it did not work. I had two other sets of batteries and I tried them as well but to no avail. I kind of concluded that the flash had died on me because it could not be that all three sets of cells would not work at the same time.

Anyway, I panicked as the session was about to commence in about 30 minutes. I stayed calm and just whispered a prayer to God, asking Him to give me the ideas as to how I am going to shoot the whole event without having to depend on the flash.

Well, thanks be to Him, I managed to and the photos turned out clear with enough exposure. :)

I was asked to print one group photo for the 15 participants. I brought my printer and the photo-frames along. I was taking my time doing the editing thinking that there was no rush for them as I was told they were to be presented to the participants in the evening.

While doing that, one of the staff came in to ask whether I could have everything completed in an hour's time as they have decided to do the presentation before lunch instead. Again I panicked. As I was new to the MacBook Pro, the editing was not as easy as when I had my Sony VAIO. Anyway, I did a test-print and realised the printer-head was mis-aligned.

I told the Lord the whole situation and asked Him to help me again. After doing some troubleshooting, I tried the printing again and it worked. Hallelujah! I quickly printed the 15 photos and have them placed in the frames. I managed to meet the targeted time despite of the obstacles. God is indeed good! :)

After the session with CAI, I needed to rush off to meet a dear sister-in-Christ at her office to set up some camera equipment she bought. When I reached the office, I asked her for a set of fresh batteries as I wanted to see whether it was due to the batteries which caused my flash not to work. I put them in and voila, it worked!!!

This was another answered prayer as I told the Lord while I was in the train that, if possible, I do not want to send the flash in for repair as the warranty period had expired. It would basically mean incurring a cost which I was not ready to pay.

The whole setting up of the lighting system for my sister-in-Christ's studio turned out fine after taking some time to fix the different parts together. We plugged in all the sockets and turned on the three strobes. All seemed ok till when we tried taking some shots and realised there were no flashes. It took us a while to figure the problem till I noticed a small transmitter connected to the main strobe. I opened the battery compartment and realised there were no batteries in it. Haha! We both laughed over this. As we did not have any 'AAA' cells, we went out to buy them. Along the way, we had a drink at Coffee Bean in The Singapore Post building.

Man, I must say batteries and I did not seem to be in agreement the whole of yesterday. :)

When we came back from our tea-time, we did some test-shots. After adjusting the shutter and aperture readings, the pictures came out beautifully! My sister-in-Christ loved them and I was happy for her and her hubby because now they do not have to spend too much time doing re-shooting because of lighting issues and also cutting down on editing time. Praise God!!!

I had a great time of fellowship over dinner with the couple and their mother at a Japanese restaurant in the Singapore Post building. We were all starving after a long day's work but it was worth it! :)

It's 2.00am. Time to key off, hang my laundry and then sleep.

Good night, world!

Pain Persists But Prayer I Insist

Chest oh chest, I feel you.
The funny sensation makes me ill.
It could be a signal for something grave.
Healing from God I ask and pray.
May His mercy be upon me.
Grateful always will I be.
Pray for me, oh fellow men,
I now end with an "amen."

The whole day my chest has been feeling uncomfortable. It has been so since last night when I was awoken from my sleep and since then it has persisted.

It was at its worst when I was at the missions training session. I basically prayed against the pain and took the medication. It felt slightly better.

I shall monitor the situation and see how. If it is still not well by tomorrow, I will see the doctor. I am actually due for a review next week. If I can persevere till then, it would be good.

I am quite puzzled as to why the discomfort is there when I have gone through the medical examinations and was told my heart is okay.

Seriously I do not know why lately I have been inflicted with so much pain - physical, emotional and mental. As mentioned in my previous blog, I have stopped asking God why. Instead I am still seeking for His will in this.

Though I am doing that, I cannot deny that sometimes I want instant answers but I am not receiving any. There were moments when I asked God to just take my life away as I cannot take it anymore. Well, that did not happen so what can I do? I guess I can only keep seeking but perhaps with an attitude of waiting upon the Lord.

I have learnt lately that the pilgrim's journey is not just about going on and on till we reach the end. There will be moments when I have to stop and take stock. I guess I am going through that now.

Anyway, last night I wrote to my pastor and informed her that I have decided to decline an offer to assume a leadership position for the next church year. I told her I basically need a break - maybe for a year and see how. I love serving God and His people but there are seasons when perhaps I should just rest.

I am also considering an option where I am still seeking the Lord in and obtaining counsel from some siblings-in-Christ. I will not share now but when I am more certain, I will blog about it. All I can say is that it would be a drastic move but I think it may do me good.

Well, I will end here. I do not know how the week is going to be but I shall try to look forward to it.

Be still I will be before my God
His wise counsel to be sought
Answers in His time will be conveyed
I simply pray I will obey

"Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it." Hebrews 4:1

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

Not Again!

I was not able to sleep properly due to several reasons: my chest was not feeling too well; I was bitten all over by mosquitoes; my mind was pre-occupied with some thoughts too. I thought I could sleep early so that I will have the energy to last through whole of today being in church. I guess not but praise the Lord anyway.

Since I could not sleep much, I thought I go church earlier. When I arrived and opened my backpack, again I realised I brought my laptop bag but the computer is not in it. This is the second time it has happened. As I needed to use it, I had no choice but to take a cab home to retrieve it. Thank God the taxi driver was kind enough to wait for me while I run up to my flat to get the notebook and then drive me back to church.

I was not planning to blog the above-mentioned but since it happened, I might as well share them.

Anyway, I cannot think properly now. I shall write again should there be any other thoughts.

Praise God For Good Bargains!

It has been a long day. I basically occupied myself with things to do instead of just letting my mind run wild.

When I woke up, I changed all the bedsheets in all three rooms and have them washed. I also spent some time with grandma to find out how she has been lately. Yesterday she thought everyone has locked the home phone to prevent her from calling her relatives and friends. She went out and used the public phone to call my brother and I to tell us about it. As we know that was not true, I called dad who was at home. Initially I dialled the home number but it was engaged. I suspected the handset was off the hook. I called his mobile next and asked him to check. True enough the phone in my parents' room was not placed properly. It has happened a couple of times.

Anyway, I explained and told grandma not to think negatively and should those thoughts come again, that she should commit them to God. It has helped me tremendously these past two weeks or so and I know it will also work on grandma. :)

When that was done, I went to meet an ex-colleague (who will be my colleague again soon) to help me download a new software on my MacBook Pro.

After that I went to meet two dear siblings-in-Christ (who are husband and wife) at their new office as I was supposed to follow one of them to buy some camera equipment in the evening. Before that, we all basically did our own work. I brought for each of us a tumbler of Nespresso coffee to beat the zzz-monster especially after lunch. I am glad they enjoyed it. Praise God!

When we were done, I went to play with the three dogs at the above couple's home. One of them was so attached to me. He was basically whining as he let me stroke his head. My heart just went out to the doggy. It felt as if he was trying to tell me something but I simply could not understand. I hope the stroking helped. :(

After dropping my sister-in-Christ's mum at Parkway Parade, both of us headed for Holland Village to purchase a camera set, a dehumidifier cabinet and also some other camera accessories. Her husband did not go as he needed to lead a Bible study in church. Praise God for the very good price given to us and till now I still cannot believe it was so cheap.

After putting the stuff in the car, we went to have dinner at the hawker centre as we did not want to spend too much on food. We also needed to rush off to Sim Lim Square to buy a router as it was already quite late. Thank God we managed to make it on time. Before we left Holland Village, we each got a cup of bubble tea.

I got a lift home. After washing up, I locked the room door, took out my guitar and spent some time praising God and praying. I decided to do that as there were some thoughts running in my mind. I thought instead of letting them affect me that I focus on thanking God for everything and also to commit to Him those burdens.

It was an uplifting time with Him though it was short. Lately I have been consciously telling myself that there is no point for me to worry too much for my loved ones or other burdens I am carrying. Yes, sometimes I feel helpless but I guess that feeling should motivate me to let God take over because He can handle anything and everything.

Well, I shall end here. I am just going to off the light and listen to some music. My doggy is already on my bed, waiting for me to play with her. :)

Good night, all and have a restful weekend!

Thank God for Post-Its!

I just finished a brisk walk at the park opposite my place. It has been about two years since I last did that due to my knee injury. As I was also given the green light by my doctor to do light exercise after my tummy surgery and having lost 9kg (yup!) in the past one month or so (basically not been able to eat much due to the discomfort around the stomach area and dealing with certain concerns I have for my loved ones), I thought I might as well exercise from here onwards, basically to keep fit and hopefully to lose more of the excess. I also miss running on a regular basis but that will come later as I need to go slow and not aggravate my surgical wounds and knees.

The weather was cool and it was pretty dark when I started off. I just walked on and took the time to pray for my parents, grandma, brother, sister, my future, the ministries I am serving in and a few other persons I have a burden for. I also listened to some Christian music and I have been doing that more often than before. It helps me to listen to the words of each song being played and they reminded me of God - His character, His love for me, His presence in my life, etc.

An interesting thought came to mind last night which I posted on FaceBook - as much as there are worries and concerns in my life for the various persons and areas mentioned above, all these have now caused me to place my hope in God which has become the main factor that keeps me going daily. It gives me a sense of anticipation - eagerly waiting for all these prayers to be answered in His time. It also gives me the assurance that my loved ones are in good hands and that God will guide them accordingly as He knows them better than me and His words of encouragement are more effective than mine.

Earlier I mentioned something about my future. Well, lately I have been thinking about one area in my life which I have stopped considering for several years already. This is going to be vague for now because I am still praying about it but should I be more sure in the coming weeks, I will share deeper. :)

This thought was basically sparked off about three weeks ago when two dear siblings-in-Christ mentioned to me about it. I never knew from then on, I have been thinking about it but there were other major concerns I was overwhelmed with then. This is definitely one area I will be seeking God for guidance when I go for my personal retreat early next month. I do not want to jump into it too quickly or let feelings get the better of me because it is one major area that almost everyone will consider at least at one point of their lives. For me, I know it should not be taken too lightly and since I have God walking with me daily, I should consult Him in this and see what He says. I am also beginning to seek counsel with others on this.

To me, it does not matter whether I will pursue it further or not. I basically want to be sure and see where God leads me from here. :)

My life lately has been bittersweet but I am beginning to let God take full control of every area (both the pleasant and unpleasant). There were occasions when I wanted to snatch back what I have surrendered but I have been using post-its to stop me from doing so. :) It has been effective though because what I wrote on them cause me to consider the cost involved should I take matters in my own hands again. Haha. :) Well, thank God for post-its! :)

I shall key off and play with my doggy whom I have neglected for a while.

Have a great day, everyone!

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

Let Truth Speaks

The discomfort around my chest area is acting up again. Just took the medication prescribed - I guess the pain should go away soon.

Since coming back from church and also grocery-shopping at NEX, I have been doing housework till now - waylaid my doggy and gave her a thorough scrubbing; next was the peach-face love-bird; followed by the two fatty hammies (I think they really need to go on a Tough Club programme); after that I swept and mopped the floor; just finished hanging up the laundry. Praise the Lord! :)

Though tired physically, I feel refreshed spiritually. While I was doing the various chores above, I basically plugged in my earphones and listened to some songs - mainly Christian ones. I also took the time to pray.

I was pondering on a matter too - something that has been bothering me since yesterday after I met two dear brothers for supper. It has to do with certain misunderstandings some people still have of me and it is related to what I have shared before in two blogs I wrote on "Stigma Of Being A Single 1 & 2."

Sometimes it hurts when people doubt my integrity but I cannot blame them because there are so many negative examples around which probably cause them to generalise the issue.

I have spoken to God and two persons I respect on this matter before. The two siblings-in-Christ basically told me that everyone has the right to say what they want but if my conscience is clear, then I have nothing to be bothered about. One day they will see the truth and that is good enough for them to reflect and evaluate that they were wrong in their initial remark made.

I also remembered the words of this late sister-in-Christ, Aunty Mary, who used to talk to me a lot when I was a young Christian - she always told me, "Andy, God is always watching over us. There is nothing we can hide from Him so always speak the truth. Honour God, okay?" :)

Well, time will tell eventually. Even if it does not, I will still have to account to God for my actions one day. There is truly nothing we can hide from Him.

As much as I am affected by the above-mentioned, I do not bear a grudge against those who have been doubting my motives in what I do for another person, especially someone who is of the opposite gender and younger. But one thing I do pray and hope is that people should come and talk to me about it than to assume things. It is also something that I need to remind myself to practice so that in doing so, we will not hurt that particular person involved and also to prevent a fellowship from being broken.

I guess this stigma will always remain in me. As long as I am a single, I will have to live with it and always be ready to account should someone ask. :)

I shall key off here... I just realised I have not cleared the rubbish in the kitchen.

"Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." John 3:20-21

Praise God For Difficult Lessons

The past one month or so has been a learning process for me. I did not see this situation coming but now that I am in it, I will have to learn and in the hard way, I must say. But while doing so I still made mistakes and have in the process disappointed a few people especially my loved ones since they are the closest to me. For that I am sorry to those whom I have hurt.

I do not mean to disappoint them - it is just that I was trying my best to salvage whatever damages I have made though it was not my intention for these to happen. All these while I just wanted to be there for my loved ones for the simple fact that I love them. I have learnt from this episode though that not all the time they want me to be there for them.

Now that I have gathered my thoughts after much personal reflection and evaluation, and receiving counsel from some siblings-in-Christ, I will act on them for the sake of those involved and myself. I pray in doing so, the relationship broken will one day be restored. :)

I am reminded yet again that dealing with relationships is a delicate matter. One moment you may think that a strong bond has been built over time but due to circumstances, the whole thing may just crumble in an instance. It is a blow but I have learnt not to take my loved ones for granted and accept them as who they are in the present journey they are going through.

This period has also taught me that not all the time, people want to listen to my concerns or opinions despite of how much I am burdened for them. They probably want to venture into the unknown on their own. Though I may see the dangers ahead but if they so choose to still not take heed after my concerns have been shared, then I will have to let them go and let God take over. He knows best and if I truly say I trust Him, then I should take comfort that He will do what is best for His children whom He loves. :)

I have to deliberately tell myself to give my loved ones space. In front of my computer table, I have to write post-its like "Do not message so and so. Give so and so space."; "Give thanks to God for so and so"; "Remember to pray for so and so." All these have helped me restrain myself from taking things into my own hands again but simply be a prayer warrior for them.

Being a human, there will be tendencies when negative thoughts are planted in my mind against my loved ones. I used to entertain them and even air them on FaceBook and all but I have come to terms that all these do more damage than help. I hope it is not too late realising this mistake. Now when such thoughts come, I will just pray against them and ask God to help me see these persons as He would. When I do that, disappointments, frustrations, resentments towards them simply just disappear.

I also make an effort to jot down good attributes which I know of my loved ones in my phone. In doing so I realise their weaknesses/shortcomings do not matter anymore and it helps me to give thanks to God for them. :)

I wrote this in my previous blogs before and I will write again here... I must always be mindful that the devil will use the people closest to me to affect me but I have to tell myself time and time again that they are not my enemies. By doing so, I will always say a prayer of protection on them and myself so that we do not fall into the trap of the evil one by seeing wrongly who the real enemy is.

In closing, I used to ask God why is He making me go through all these but now, I am learning to ask what is His will for me in this and what I can learn from here.

It is not an easy journey for me to trod but I still have to go through the process. Hopefully this will mould me to be a better person and that my life will still be a blessing to the people around me.

Effective Counsel

I am now waiting to see the doctor for the discomfort I have been feeling lately around my chest and also the pain of my right arm. The waiting time is about an hour so I thought I take this moment to blog.

I was just reflecting through the past one month or so and I am thankful to God for providing me godly counsel through a few siblings-in-Christ: some of whom I know very well; and one I do not know at all but was referred to me yesterday by a dear pastor-friend.

What they have done for me will be something I will do for others in future. What I have learnt from them will make me a more effective counsellor simply by observing how these siblings-in-Christ went through the effort to understand my struggles.

Below are a couple of pointers in providing godly counsel:-

1) A Genuine Desire to Help

This attribute is something which really touched my heart. These siblings-in-Christ were willing to sacrifice their busy schedules to make time for me. Even the one whom I do not know but met yesterday was so kind to schedule a session with me. He could have given reasons that he has many appointments that day or he needed to rest from his busyness or he does not feel comfortable because we do not know each other. Instead he spent close to two hours with me.

These dear siblings-in-Christ simply availed themselves, came out of their comfort zones, and allowed God to use them to bless my life.

2) Not Assuming

All these individuals who have made an impact in my life these few weeks came with a non-assuming attitude. They knew roughly what I am going through lately but they did not stop there. They asked questions (sometimes difficult ones) and probed me in my deepest most thoughts so that they know exactly what I am going through.

3) Not Judgmental

I shared with them my shortcomings/weaknesses and certain sins I have committed during my times of disappointment, anger, resentment, fear, etc. Instead of saying I cannot do this or that, they simply asked me to release all these out of my life so that they will not become my strongholds. This is really important because we cannot let the evil one use all these to his advantages and create more havoc in our lives or in our relationship with others.

4) Willingness to Simply Listen

So far in all that I have written above, one important area in helping someone is the willingness to simply listen. Sometimes there is this urge to give our opinions too quickly but in these dear individuals God has provided me in my difficult times, they just kept quiet and allowed me to pour out my burdens/concerns/pain.

Sometimes a counsel provided through listening brings more healing to an individual than a counsel of many words. Not that the latter is ineffective but I guess it needs to be applied accordingly in different circumstances.

5) Encouragement from the Word

Many of the advice given to me were Word-based and this really draws my attention back to God. Ultimately I will have to depend on Him for the struggles I may be experiencing at all phases of my life.

This actually gives me the desire to want to read God's Word even more because that is where He speaks and also provides guidance in how to overcome my struggles or doubts.

6) Being a Prayer Warrior

What really comforted or assured me after meeting these brothers and sisters-in-Christ is that they have committed themselves to pray for me regularly. Some even take the effort to message on a daily basis to ask me whether I have any prayer needs.

God is indeed good. All that these dear individuals have done for me lately have made me realised how blessed I am. It also reminded me that God will never leave nor forsake me. He is always there. :)

It is about time to see the doctor. I hope there is nothing wrong with my heart.

Have a blessed day, everyone!

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word!" Proverbs 15:23

Life Is Not Bad? Not Today

It has been an emotionally draining day.

There were so many negative thoughts in me since I left church that I had to keep praying against them. I have never prayed against so many things before.

I am now so exhausted that I will keep this blog short.

I am basically quite disillusioned and many times I just feel like throwing in the towel and say I really do not bother anymore. I was so close to doing something very drastic just now but a sibling-in-Christ told me not to as it would give the devil a winning hand should I go ahead with it.

Anyway, my heartbeat feels weird; my chest uncomfortable and my right arm is quite painful as in I cannot seem to lift it up. One health issue over and now all these new ones have to surface. When will it ever stop?

This is one day I would love to say life is not bad but it is just not possible. I am just grateful to God I pulled through the day.

Time to end here and spend some time in praise and more prayer.

Plans Changed For A Reason

I want to praise the Lord for today due to several reasons. I will share them as I write on. Plans made did not go the way they were intended to but I think there was a purpose for that.

I was supposed to represent the church leadership to attend the Trinity Annual Conference (TRAC) Special Session at Toa Payoh Methodist Church at 2.00pm. If you are clueless as to what I have just mentioned... well, it is about all the Methodist Churches' pastors and appointed leaders coming together to deliberate on some important matters concerning the churches.

I was all set to go but I received a call-up to be at the National Education show in Marina Bay - it was actually the National Day rehearsal. I was in church when the mobilisation came and thank God, a dear sister-in-Christ fetched me home so that I could change into my uniform and headed for the parade ground in time for the briefing.

I will not go into the details of my assignment but I was stationed at a place where there was a rather big number of spectators. From the time the parade commenced to the closing segment I was mingling with the crowd as I did not want to create that divide.

Anyway, I got to know a young Australian Chinese couple, Peter and Alix, who arrived in Singapore a couple of months back on a work assignment. They have never witnessed an event of this sort so I decided to give them a running commentary. I also told them the highlights of the event and interestingly they decided to stay on though it was past their dinner time.

I got to know them better as we spoke and they basically love Singapore especially the food and the shopping. I asked them whether they have visited all the places of interest and they said not really. Well, we exchanged numbers and I will probably meet up with them soon just to bring them around and introduce them to some popular local dishes.

They were quite interested in my Peranakan heritage as they have heard of it when they were still in Sydney, Australia. I guess I will bring them to the Peranakan Museum and then after to a Baba restaurant in Katong for a meal. I am looking forward to that as they are a very friendly couple. :)

Actually I was switching conversations between the couple and another brother-in-Christ whom I last met in the 1990s. Yup, that many years ago. In fact when I first saw him where I was stationed, I could not really confirmed whether he was the guy I knew when he was still worshipping in my church. After a couple of minutes, I took up the courage to ask him. He was unsure initially but as I gave him more information, it jolted his memory.

Melvin is his name and he is wheelchair-bound. He was not when he was still in my church. He suffers from epilepsy attacks regularly but that was not the cause of his immobility. A couple of years back, he had an accident at his workplace and he was diagnosed of another ailment which causes his legs to be paralysed. He told me the medical term for it but I cannot really recall now.

I wanted to pray with him there and then but it was too crowded to do so. We exchanged numbers and he told me he is living alone. I am curious to know why because for his condition it is not good to be on his own. Anyway, he invited me to come visit him and I will because I still want to pray with him and to see whether I can be of any assistance to this long-lost brother-in-Christ.

He apologised that he could not recall much of the past due to his condition but I told him it was totally fine because it is the now that matters.

I asked God, as I bade Melvin farewell, whether this was His plan. I mean I could have gone for the TRAC session and totally not have the chance to meet Peter, Alix and Melvin but now I have. For that I will make full use of the opportunity to reach out to them... hopefully God can use me to offer hospitality to the Australian couple and encouragement to Melvin.

Actually the above three individuals were not the only ones I got to know. There was a fourth person and his name is Joshua. Well, he is a fellow brother-in-Christ, I guess. I had to say "I guess" because he comes from the Central Christian Church where they are known for their questionable doctrines. Anyway, I still regarded him as a brother-in-Christ. He is a very nice guy in his 50s and he is into photography. I was telling him where to aim his camera for the fireworks display but he seemed to always go off-course but I guess that was fine. :)

We exchanged tips on this hobby. I basically gave him some pointers on how to capture nice fireworks shots. He took up my suggestion and used it and he was pretty impressed with the result. Phew! At least the shots turned out well. Haha.

Well, it is such a joy to be able to make use of every opportunity to know the people around me though most of them are total strangers. I think there is a reason why God placed me there and now I will follow up on these persons and see how our friendships may develop.

It has been a very uplifting day for me... I do not know whether that is the right word to use but my spirit was lifted after many many days of being down and discouraged. I am not saying that I am totally fine because I am still burdened but two very dear sisters-in-Christ prayed for me in the earlier part of the afternoon. That time spent with them really turned my focus on God rather than the burdens. I sought for the Lord's forgiveness and I totally surrendered the people I am troubled for to Him.

Again, I was reminded of the evil one using people close to my heart and circumstances I am experiencing now to put me down. I also prayed for my loved ones whom I am burdened for that God will also protect them. I commanded the work of the devil in their lives to be destroyed so that they can live their lives the way God intended them to be.

I left that session with this assurance that my loved ones are now under God's care and I know they will be safe. I do not know how else to explain this but there was simply this peace in my heart. Praise the Lord!

I will still be their prayer warrior. Even it means having to keep praying for days or weeks or months or years, I will. They have my word for that. :)

Okay, I have written too much but I just have to share all these. :)

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:5-6

"Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:13-16

I Wish You Jesus

In my earlier blog, I mentioned I wanted to do some photography but the plan was cancelled as it was still raining, even after I finished my late lunch.

Well, I wanted to walk around town but with the heavy load on my back, I decided to go home. I carried a couple of lenses just now as I wanted to capture some shots involving stray cats in Chinatown or anywhere I could find my feline friends. After that, I was planning to go somewhere dark or on a higher ground to capture the full moon since today is the 15th. With my surgical wounds still healing, I thought I should not strain myself too much.

When I reached home, I thought perhaps later in the night I might just still be able to do some lunar photography but the sky is overcast.

Well, another time perhaps.

Since the night was still young, I decided to take out my guitar and spent the time worshipping the Lord. I felt I needed to do that as my mind is just too preoccupied with a lot of concerns and uncertainties.

I enjoyed the moment of praise, prayer and reading of His Word. When I was praying for the people whom I am concerned for, a song came to mind. It is a very old song - one that I remembered singing at a few weddings where I just wanted to wish the couples Jesus as they journey through life together.

Well, these words became my prayer for the above individuals I have been thinking of lately.

I WISH YOU JESUS
By Scott Wesley Brown

I could wish you joy and peace
to last a whole life long.
I could wish you sunshine,
or a cheerful little song;
or wish you all the happiness
that this life could bring...

But I wish you Jesus,
more than anything.

I could wish you leaves of gold,
and may your path be smooth.
I could wish you treasures,
or that all your dreams come true;
and I could wish you paradise,
that ev'ry day be spring...

But I wish you Jesus,
cause when I wish you Jesus,
I've wished you ev'rything.

I like the last two lines - "... cause when I wish you Jesus, I've wished you everything." That is so true. Jesus is everything, isn't He? Well, I know God has heard my prayers and the previous ones as well. I know He is already working in these lives.

I also prayed for myself that He will lift these burdens off my shoulders. It is becoming too heavy a load to carry but it does not mean I am giving up and seriously, I do not mind bearing these burdens because these lives mean a lot to me. But I am not God. I will still keep praying everyday but I need to trust Jesus fully that He will do the rest. I failed Him a couple of times but I am still trying to leave everything onto His throne of grace.

Oh yah, I do not know whether my face shows it but one of the Coffee Bean staff saw me feeling a little sad. He came over and gave me a drink, smiled and asked me to cheer up. Praise God for this friend whom I got to know after patronising the joint for a couple of years already! It made my day a little brighter. :)

I shall stop here.

Do Not Grow Weary In Doing Good

I am now at the Coffee Bean joint in Millennia Walk. Just had a late lunch of Caesar salad as I did not have any appetite earlier. I had planned to do photography just to get my mind off some matters but it rained when I was just about to start shooting. Well, hoping it will stop soon.

It has been a pretty lousy day because I am still troubled by my concerns for a couple of people. Sometimes I do not know why should I even bother at all but in my heart I know I must press on and keep praying.

Interceding for those I love and care so dearly is very painful but the tears flowing down the cheeks are worth shedding because I know these loved ones will one day come back to the embrace of Jesus Christ, their heavenly Father.

I simply cannot stop praying no matter how tiring it can be at times because these are lives - precious in God's eyes and very much cherished by me.

I woke up this morning feeling a little unwell though - my chest has been feeling weird and it has been so for a while but I am sick and tired of the hospital. I shall leave it for now. Even if I should die from a heart attack because of my procrastination, then so be it. I really have no regrets. Sometimes I wish I can leave this earth earlier so that I will be worry free. Selfish as it may sound but this is what I am hoping for at this juncture of my life.

This period has been one of the most difficult for me in this pilgrim's journey. Hopefully I will pull through this soon because I am exhausted emotionally and mentally.

A sister-in-Christ shared this verse when she read my postings on FaceBook and it reads...

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

As much as it is enouraging, it is not easy to practice. I will try, I guess.

Ceaseless Prayer, Transformed Lives!

I just finished hanging the laundry after coming back from walking around town. I just thought I went to check out some books at Borders and Kinokuniya but the roller-coaster of moods decided to come visit me this evening.

I happened to chance upon this book entitled "Wild Child, Waiting Mother: Finding Hope in the Midst of Heartache" by Karilee Hayden and Wendi Hayden English. It spoke of a mother's love for her daughter who has gone astray and for ten years how both parties struggled - with the mother hurting because her daughter chose to go on her own way; and with the daughter making several bad choices during this period. It also showed how both were reconciled because the mother did not give up praying and along the way, the daughter realising her mistakes decided to turn her life around.

It was a heartwarming book though I only browsed briefly through the pages. Looking back now, I should have just bought it. Perhaps I should the next time I visit the bookstore again.

That aside, I suddenly became sad because I thought of a couple of people whom I know, and one of them is close to me, who are somehow in the same state as the daughter featured in the book.

I have been affected by the fact that we were once close to each other but now it feels like we are total strangers. I was just wondering whatever happened to the bond which was built over the years? Did it not withstand the test of time?

Many times I asked God why He allows us to go through this difficult journey. As mentioned in my previous blogs, He has given His creation the free-will to live their lives but He has also provided the necessary resources as guides for them. Whether they choose to live them out is totally another ball game but one thing for sure is that God will be there to catch them when they fall and He will also provide the people who care for these individuals to be there for them in their times of need.

For me, I want to be one of those whom God can use and perhaps this period of sadness/struggle is a training for me so that should the time come for my loved ones needing someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, I will be there and I will more effective in ministering to them.

Till that time comes, I still have to battle the roller-coasters of sometimes being affected but these past few weeks, God has constantly reminded me to turn my burdens to faith/prayer. I have been practising though occasionally I falter. I am a human afterall.

I hope to sleep soon (whether I can is another question altogether) but I guess I will spend some time praying.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

What Faith Can Do!

This morning when I woke up, my mind has been preoccupied with a couple of thoughts.

The first thing I did when I got out of bed was to gather mum, dad and grandma in the living room to pray against the items related to idolatry before throwing them away. Praise the Lord for that! I just desire for this household to be the dwelling place for the one and only true God - Jesus Christ Himself!

After removing the idols, I had to bring grandma for a check-up. We were first in the appointment and I managed to meet the doctor to enquire about the status of her dementia. I praise the Lord her condition has stabilised. The people around her just need to be more affirming and to basically make her life as happy as possible. My sister-in-law fetched grandma home while I headed for church.

When I reached the office, I happily sat down on my desk, ready to spend some time reading God's Word. As I opened my backpack, I noticed the laptop case but not my MacBook Pro. It was then I realised I left the lappy at home. I was doing some work last night with it and forgot to put it back in my bag. Haha. :)

Praise God for this incident where it makes life more adventurous and less monotonous. Okay, I am just trying to console myself, I guess. :) I also thank God for one of the church staff who offered to fetch me home to retrieve my notebook. I really appreciate his kindness in going the extra mile to make my life easier to handle during moments of inconveniences like this.

I am now listening to this song a sister-in-Christ posted on her FaceBook. The words are very encouraging and I thought I share them here...

What Faith Can Do
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGStix70S1k)

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

As I pondered on the lyrics, one person came to mind whom I am so burdened for. I have sent the YouTube link to the dear individual and I pray God will minister in His mighty ways.

Sometimes when sadness fills my heart when I think about this child of God, I will remember and praise Him for the good times we spent together in fellowship. All I can do now is just simply pray and hope one day things will be the same again.

I have learnt during this period that if my words of counsel have failed to move someone, I will not lose heart but will serve as his or her prayer warrior, no matter how tough the going may be or how painful my heart sometimes feel. This is to acknowledge that God can move more powerfully and speak more effectively in this person's life than me. :)

Now, whenever I receive promptings or have burdens at any point of the day, I will stop all my work and just intercede for this dear one! That's the least I can do in a situation where I have no control anymore.

And you know what? God will answer my prayers in His time! Hallelujah! That's the promise I have been claiming. :)

I shall stop here. Time to leave the office. I need buy some groceries and run some other errands.

"... Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20b

Affirmation Through Godly Counsel

I came back home from cell group meeting at around 11.00pm. Though tired, I decided to iron some clothes. Praise the Lord that I was able to get that done so that I am free to run other errands tomorrow.

It was great to have met the cell group members after a break of close to a month. Tonight's session was to brainstorm some ideas as to what we want to do in terms of Bible study. We roughly know what we want to do. A member of the group is going to source for the materials before we meet again in two weeks' time. Though I do not know what to expect but I am excited. There were other responsibilities designated to some members and I am glad that they are willing to take up the challenge.

I am initially supposed to assume the leadership responsibility of the group but have asked the members to give me up to end of the year to get some areas of my life in order first. I am glad a dear brother-in-Christ has decided to stand in for me. :)

Next month I will be going on a spiritual retreat to seek God for directions related to my future. I am so looking forward to it as I know God will show me the way and also refresh me in every aspect of my life - spiritual, physical, emotional and mental!

I pray that God will use this cell group to spur one another on in our walk; to be accountable to one another in the way we live our lives; to help each other overcome the struggles of sins; and to cover everyone in prayer as we live out our faith in the marketplace.

The other joy I experienced this evening was during a dinner I had with a dear brother-in-Christ. I shan't go into the details but he was the fourth person in a span of three weeks to tell me the same thing over a matter I am still deliberating. Initially I thought there were only three persons but as I looked back, there are four in total.

With the same message received from four different individuals, I will take that as a confirmation from God that I need to obey His leading in this matter. All thanks and praise to the Lord for the counsel of siblings-in-Christ! It makes my burden easier to bear. Truly there is strength in numbers and in the counsel of godly persons. There is also more peace in my heart now. :)

Oh yah, I spoke to my parents about removing some items associated with idolatry in the home. I have taken them down and tomorrow morning as a family we will throw them away after saying a prayer together. I hope this will remove the oppression the family has been experiencing. I also need to find out from grandma whether she has kept some talismans which she has forgotten to throw away after she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Saviour.

A great day given to me by a great God!

"Folly brings joy to one who has no sense, but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. A person finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word! Proverbs 15:21-23

Let The King of Glory Come In

The Bible passage that I am reflecting on for this week is taken from Psalm 24...

"The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters. Who may ascend the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God their Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, God of Jacob. Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty — he is the King of glory."

Though today is just the third day of the week, Sunday being the first, what struck me so far in reading the verses above is the part on me having clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.

I do not know why but I was led around the house to pray against certain areas where the idols once stood and where the talismans were once pasted on. Even now I realised there is a picture frame in the living room of three idols on it and also on top of the refrigerator, there is another glass idol.

This is not meant to offend those who still believe in these idols but taking into context that my parents, grandma and I have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, there is a need for us to remove them. I will speak to my parents and grandma about this tomorrow.

I also prayed for my family that God will remove all the hurts we have caused each other: mum against dad; dad against mum; mum against grandma; grandma against mum; dad against grandma; grandma against dad; mum against me, me against mum; dad against me; me against dad; bro against mum, dad, grandma and me; me against bro. Yup, complicated as it may seem but I prayed for everyone that God will deliver us from all hatred, grudge, bitterness, hurt, unforgiveness, anger... basically anything that is not of God.

I asked instead for love to be restored in the household; that every one will forgive each other as God has forgiven us; that we will love one another as God has first loved us.

I told God that it should begin with me and hopefully there will be a chain reaction from there.

The above-mentioned was one lesson I learnt. The other was the need for my relationship with God to be restored after renouncing these idols and false gods in my life. I prayed for that to happen so that in getting myself back on track, I will be able to see clearly what God's plan/will is for my life again.

It is a fundamental thing that I need to do - it basically dawned upon me that if I am distracted by the people or things around me which sometimes draw my attention away from God, then something is not right already. That is why sometimes when I am far from God, I depend on my own wisdom and understanding in leading my life and in dealing with the circumstances I am facing .

It is so true because in the past one and half years, I have been distracted with my parents and grandma's ill-health; their constant quarrels; the failed plan for me to enter full-time ministry; my dwelling in disappointment and frustration; etc. All these have drawn me away from the Father who has always been stretching His arms out waiting to embrace me but I chose to go the other way.

Not anymore. It is time to put a stop to this because I want to grow in God and also to be a blessing to the people around me. In the course of this struggle I have experienced these past one and a half years, I have hurt a couple of people close to me. I do not want that to happen anymore and I am praying for reconciliation and restoration of relationships.

I want the King of Glory to enter my life again and that His glory will shine through me so that others may be drawn to Him.

To my siblings-in-Christ reading my blog, please pray for me in what I have shared so far.

Glory to God and thank you! :)

What If... ?

I went to Gleneagles Hospital towards the late afternoon with the excitement to meet a boy whom I got to know on the day of my surgery two Fridays ago.

After I was discharged, I was walking towards the pick-up area waiting for my ride. As my surgical wounds were still raw and painful, I was walking with a slight limp. Next to me was this boy in his wheelchair and his mum was with him. When he saw me, he asked me whether I needed his wheelchair. I smiled and kindly declined, saying that I was okay.

I took the opportunity to talk to the boy and his mother. It was through the brief conversation that I found out that the boy was suffering from leukemia. He was due for a surgery the following week and was in the hospital that day for a pre-op review.

My ride came and I told the boy and his mother that I would come by and pay them a visit.

As mentioned, I arrived at the hospital and enquired about the boy's ward. The staff, who now knows me because I have been visiting the hospital so often for my post-op review and change of dressings, checked for me.

Suddenly the expression on her face changed. She informed me that the boy had passed away two days ago, on Saturday afternoon. My heart just sank. I was two days late.

I decided to go to the Singapore Botanic Gardens for a walk. As I was strolling towards the Swan Lake, I regretted not visiting the boy last Friday when I was at the hospital for my post-op review. I was just wondering what if I could have met him then. At least I could have spent some time with him, perhaps bringing a smile or two to him. Sigh.

This blog is dedicated to the 8-year boy named Marc Ang, who in spite of his illness, spared a thought for me by offering his wheelchair. Marc, I will always remember you but I am sorry for being late. I hope to see you again soon in a land where there is life forever.

I sat on a bench, under these over-hanging branches, basically reflecting on life. It was a good two hours spent with God. I thought of Marc. I could still recognise his voice though it was only a couple of minutes knowing him.

I learnt through this episode that life is too short for us to mess around with it. Many times we think that we have many more years to go but we forget that it could also last only as far as just tomorrow.

I then asked myself since I only have that limited time here, what are my priorities in life? With that perspective, does my ambition matters? Is it really important to earn so much money? Where does God stand in my life? Is He at the top of the list? If not, why?

I also thought of the "what-ifs" - are we going to live our lives with many regrets or do we want to make each day count so that even if tomorrow death calls on our door, we will smile and say I am ready to go?

I pray by considering the "what-ifs" now, we are challenged to not take life and the people we love for granted.

I have taken life and the people I love (God, mum, dad, grandma, my brother, my sister, my relatives and my friends) for granted. Perhaps by living today as if it would be my last, I will be able to cherish them much much more.

"Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions. And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’ “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.” Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:13-34