Earn, Save And Give All You Can

God had a hand in everything I did throughout the day. I went out in the morning to do a couple of things. I went to the hospital to collect some anti-infammatory medicine for my knee - it has been very painful lately. Then I went to the money-changer. It is amazing how I got a good deal from this kind gentleman whom mum has been patronising his business for years especially during those times when she had to travel often. I was shocked this morning when I saw the exchange rate for the currency I had wanted to buy but when I went to the money-changer, he gave me a good deal. Praise the Lord for this man!

It is also amazing to see how God could use another person to prompt me not to buy a particular gift for a friend because yesterday that friend had bought the same kind of item I had in mind of getting today. What is even more amazing was when I spoke to this friend about the item, it was the exact same pattern and colour I saw and was considering.

In the late afternoon, I got a chance to try something new in a skill I acquired a couple of years ago. I thank God all went well and also for the opportunity for me to put it to practice. I was quite nervous and unsure for the past few days whether I would do well since it was my first time using a different tool and method. I prayed about it and all. Praise the Lord He led and guided me accordingly.

My right arm has been rather sore because for three days in a row I went bowling with some youths. I am getting the hang of it and hope to improve further in our future games. I also had a rather good time of fellowship with them.

Yesterday after bowling I went to a shop in Suntec City to collect an item I requested for a one-to-one exchange last week. The management admitted it was a manufacturer's defect and apologised for the inconvenience caused. They were very professional in handling the whole matter and I thank God for His intervention.

I learnt one lesson yesterday at the worship service - "Generous Giving is an Act of Christian Worship." It affirmed in me a struggle I had a couple of days ago where I was wondering whether I have been giving too much. What troubled me was not about what I am losing when giving but more so whether people are comfortable receiving what I give to them.

Of course I should not overdo it. Well, I guess when I feel there is a need to give, I should not think twice but just act accordingly. I always believe God prompts one to give but many times we would want to count the cost first as in both the value as well as whether the person whom we want to give is willing to receive it. By the time we start to rationalise this and that, our energy would have been sapped. After which we decided against acting upon it. In the end the person whom we want to give something to missed out in being blest by God through us.

I was also reminded that though there is a need to save up for rainy days, it should not become a fear instilled upon oneself that there is never enough. I guess so long as there are some amount being saved, the rest should be used for personal expenses and ministry purposes. Well, I know of a sister who works as a full-time worker in a church who once told me that she does not have much in her bank account because she knows God would always continue to provide. Whatever she earns she will keep some for herself and her family and the rest are for others. It is a tough thing to do but that is the joy of giving, I guess.

"Earn all you can, save all you can and give all you can." A saying in John Wesley's sermon on giving which makes a lot of sense and have a lot of power if put to action!

Praise the Lord for this day!

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:33-34

Placing Our Lives Upon God's Altar

This morning I brought mum to the hospital to check on the swell. The doctor did an x-ray and after examined mum's head, he said there is probably a little blood clot. He said it has to be monitored and if the swell does not subside after one week, he will have to drain it out, just in case if it affects the brain. He also told us to keep a watch on mum's condition - at any time if she is unwell, he advised us to bring her in for another check-up.

Well, it is a wait-and-see situation - sometimes I do not like this kind of scenario as it keeps one in suspense and lately, there is enough of it that I feel too tired to handle them.

Anyway, I am thankful that there was no crack of the skull and the doctor said it would just be a minor procedure to drain the clot. He did warn that we take precuationary measures so as to minimise the possibility of another fall. Though I agreed with him, I really do not know how else to prevent it. I mean, mum can fall anytime and anywhere... so how to ensure these kinds of accidents do not happen again? Maybe the best measure is to pray. Maybe I should pray that there will not be another fall again. Previously I did pray but what I asked of the Lord was that should mum fall, that it would not be a serious one. I guess I should also pray that He strengthens mum's legs. Well, we shall see.

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean. I decided to get out of the house for a breather. It is sad that I have to go out to be refreshed but I really need it. Initially I was planning to run some errands but some youths asked me to join them for a game of bowling. I shall do that and maybe release some of my stress by rolling those heavy balls and strike the pins down.

I did not sleep well last night - in fact, I dozed off on the couch in my living room while reading. Once in while I would wake up. Twice when that happened, I saw my parents' room-lights were on and I went in to find out whether all was okay. I am glad nothing happened - mum just needed to go to the restroom during those two occasions.

I am not prepared for my service tomorrow as a drummer. It is hard to give thanks since yesterday but I am trying. This morning when I spent some time in prayer before sending mum to the hospital, I was reminded of the song that I was given during the Worship Team devotion to reflect on. The words read...

Upon Your Altar

Verse:
Holy Father, we humbly bow to worship.
God, the Son, with grateful heart of praise.
Holy Spirit, please work Your power amongst us on this day
as we purpose to serve You and obey.

Chorus:
Upon Your altar, O Lord,
we place our lives
as a holy, acceptable sacrifice of praise.
Upon Your altar, O Lord,
we place our lives
as a holy acceptable sacrifice of praise.

Well, it is my prayer and desire that I will be a holy acceptable sacrifice of praise to the Lord tomorrow as I play. I guess I will just have to place my life and my family's upon the altar and trust that God will continue to take care of us.

Alright, time to stop for now.

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." Hebrews 13:15-16

"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:13-16

A Difficult Pilgrim's Journey

When I came home just a while ago, I was told by dad that mum had a fall yet again. Sigh. She was walking down the stairs to the void-deck for a walk with dad when she missed a step and fell backwards. What else can I say? Having two falls in a span of a couple of days is quite alarming for me.

The back part of mum's head bumped against the railings - I was angry that no one informed me about the accident. Even when I came home, no one told me about it immediately. It was only when I asked dad why mum slept so early that he updated me.

I quickly went to examine her head and could see a slight swell. I guess I will have to bring her to see the doctor again tomorrow. I am so tired having to deal with this time and again. Not that I am blaming mum but I am basically just exhausted. When will this ever stop?

Dad reasoned that it was not a serious matter but I told him for a person like mum who is suffering from cancer, any fall or accident is serious enough to warrant extra precaution. Already her body is weak and if she is constantly subjected to falls, it will further weaken her and that will not help in her general physical well-being. I really hate to nag but in times like these, how can I not to?

I hope the swell will subside tomorrow. I also asked dad to monitor mum over the night - that if she vomits or feels giddy that we immediately send her to the Accident and Emergency Department. I am praying that she will be fine. Sigh.

Sometimes I really wonder what God is trying to do with my life. Can He not see that I am drained? Has He not heard my plea for help to deliver mum and the family from this cancer ordeal? Even if He wants us to learn something from this, when then does the learning stops? I know learning is a life-long process but surely one needs to rest and not be over-loaded with lessons.

I dare not even think of what is to come next - will there be another accident? Will there be another illness? Will there be more interrupted sleep for me? Will I always have to suffer in this life that I live here on earth? When will suffering stop other than facing death in the eye?

I just came back from the Worship Team rehearsal - we are encouraged to give thanks in all circumstances. Yes, I have been doing it but sometimes in moments like what I have mentioned above, it is just so tough. How to?

Anyway, I should just shut up for now. I apologise for sounding as if I have doubt about God. I am not - I am just frustrated, burned out physically, emotionally and mentally, impatient, etc.

Time to go wash up and let some cold water wake my stupid ideas up and refresh me. Looks like it is going to be a tough weekend ahead. So be it.

Never knew this pilgrim's journey is so hard to travel on. I do not mind trotting it but just give me some chance to recuperate before the next trial comes. I need it!

Gossips Hurts And Destroys

I am now in Suntec City Coffee Bean. I decided to come here to check my emails and also to do my reading. I met another of my accountability group at Raffles City. When we ended at around 9:15am, it was still early for all retail outlets to be opened. Since I need to go to one of the shops in this shopping centre, I thought I might as well spend the time doing something meaningful like the first sentence I mentioned.

I enjoyed the time of fellowship with my brothers-in-Christ as we shared about the joy and struggles of life, offering one another lessons that we have learnt in which can be applied in the current situations we are in. I also find these times refreshing and also assuring, knowing that I am not going through my walk alone but having my siblings-in-Christ around to support me. It makes my pilgrim's journey easier to travel especially when the going gets tough.

I was reminded of something regarding helping one another especially in our weaknesses and struggles in life. One sad thing we always do (Christians are equally guilty of this) is that we always talk about the character-flaws of a person behind his or her back but never go beyond the desire to help them - sometimes having to confront, if there need be. We would also go to a point where we speak as if the person is beyond hope of turning for the better. I was just thinking how different are we to these people whom we are talking bad about? To me, we are basically the same. The fact that we gossip already speak a lot about our own flaws. Who are we then to speak of others'?

Being in an accountability group showed me that we can and should help one another in our struggles - to put to action what we are talking about so that we can grow together and overcome the shortcomings of our lives. We can talk all we want about the faults of another and it will always be the same unless something is done about it. If there is no desire to help the person whom we have something against, then just keep quiet and save ourselves from sinning against God. I hope the next time when we want to talk about someone's flaws without the intention to help the person, think it in such a way that we are no better than him or her should we fall into the trap of gossipping.

Well, I am learning to overcome the above-mentioned myself. This is the current thought I have, hence I decide to include it in this blog.

Time for me to stop. The shops are about to open.

Have a blessed day, everyone!

"A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much." Proverbs 20:19

"Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." Romans 1:28-32

God Will Make A Way

Today has been a day of uncertainty but in the end all turned out well. It was exactly how I prayed for the Lord to help me - to make things fall in place eventually.

After I woke up and washed up a little, I mopped the whole house. As I was waiting for a sms, I decided to do some housework first. I also cooked lunch for grandma and my parents - made some of their favourites like sambal prawns, steamed brocolli with mushroom-based sauce and of course lots of garlic. I also made boiled winter-melon soup with pork-ribs used as the stock.

As I was rushing to collect something from a friend, I did not really spend much time with my family over lunch - I just had a bowl of rice and a bit of the dishes. I was not planning to have lunch outside but when my friend asked me to join her and two other brothers-in-Christ for a meal, I decided to do so, mainly for fellowship. I did not eat much though as I was already quite full. We all had Thai food which was good.

Anyway, the rest continued with a conference they were attending while I decided to head for the Esplanade Library to read my book and also to listen to some classical music. Then I got a call from the shop that I was supposed to collect an item from - the laundry staff told me he has yet to locate the item and requested for an extended grace period. I told him to try his best as I knew he had to search through many piles of clothings to locate the item for me.

An hour or so passed and I decided to head for Orchard Road to check out a few things. Then another call came while I was in the train and the same staff informed me that it might be impossible to locate the item by today. He said he would try his best and we hung up. I was exceptionally pleased with his service.

I also had to make a few other calls regarding some enquiries while walking around town. Then the friendly staff called me the third time and said the item I was looking for has been sent for laundry based on the record he checked. I went on with my window-shopping. Guess what? The fourth call came and this time I was told the item has not been sent for washing yet. It was quite funny as in how the staff explained that it was a huge mess at where he was and I told him not to worry.

I went to Henderson Road to collect the item - took me a while to locate the shop as it was an industrial estate. I shook the hand of the gentleman who took so much effort to help me out. After that I went back to town area to have the item returned to the shop where it was bought from. This is to allow the company to do some investigations on it as to whether there was a manufacturer's defect.

When all that was done, I headed for Bugis. I bought some fruits back and while I was heading towards the bus-stop, I saw a middle-aged couple quarrelling. I prayed for them as I walked on. I hope they have patched up.

I came home and had dinner. After that it was ironing time and as usual, there was this mountain of clothes that I needed to conquer - I think climbing Mount Everest would have been much easier. Anyway, I prayed as I ironed and as time went by, the mountain became a hill and eventually it was gone. Thanks be to God.

Did I learn anything from all that I have written above? Yes, God makes level all mountains and valleys so that I can trot my pilgrim's journey easier - not that there will not be any trouble but that God is always there to make things lighter for us to bear.

I woke up wondering whether I could settle the exchange of the item by today (initially I thought it would not happen), prayed about it and now as I look back, God's hand was in it all these while. Thanks be to Him!

Alright, time to rest now - I have to be up early to be at City Hall MRT to meet another group of brothers for a time of fellowship over breakfast. I did not meet them the last time - looking forward to the time of accounting our lives to one another.

Good night, everyone. Sleep tight!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

God's Word - What's It To Us?

When I was on my way home in the train, I was observing this two-year old boy. He was playing with his father. I could also tell that he was testing a few things with his dad as in whether he could get away with them by going against his father's instructions or wishes.

Whenever this boy did something right, the father would smile and give him a pat on the head. Each time he did something wrong and displeasing, his dad would ask the boy to open his palm and he would give him a gentle smack. After that the father would explain to him what is the right thing to do.

Of course the boy did not almost immediately understand what his father was teaching him. Over time, he will learn and do the right thing though. This can only happen when he listens to his father, who bothered to lead and guide. It also happens because there is a relationship between the two individuals.

The above incident reminded me of what my accountability group members were sharing earlier when we met to fellowship over dinner, as in how sometimes we struggle to read God's Word - not having the desire to do so. The group is trying to help each other to read the Bible as that is God's spoken Word in writing. If we do not read, how would we know then to lead our lives in a manner pleasing in God's sight and also as a testimony to those around us?

God took the effort to give us His Word so that it serves as a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path. How would we know God better if we do not read about Him? If one does not have the desire to read His Word, it speaks a lot about the individual's relationship with God and also the pursuits of his life on this earth.

It is sad to see many Christians living their walk without the light before them. Sometimes I falter in this area too. We justify that we spend time daily in prayer but what is the point of speaking to God when we do not even know what He would be speaking to us in reply to our requests made? There are many ways God speaks - there is no doubt about that but I know most of the time, it is through His Word that we know the answers to our prayers.

The Word is sharper than any two-edged sword but most of the time, what a Christian carries in his hand is a weapon of destruction, not against evil principalities and sins but instead it is capable only in destroying his own life and others - that weapon is called human wisdom and understanding. We always think we know best when in actual fact, we are clueless about life - hence we are always experimenting. Why waste time and hurt ourselves doing that when the Word already gives clear instructions as to how we can live life to the fullest?

Have we also considered using the Word to bless the lives of others? This thought just came as I was typing the above paragraph. Yes, sometimes reading a Bible passage may not be applicable to us at that particular point of time but it may speak to another whose life is going through a time of crisis or discouragement or loss or pain/hurt or uncertainty or struggle. Use it to touch that person. Doing so will cause the both parties to see the power of the Word in action!

As I am writing all of the above-mentioned, I am also kicking myself in the butt to wake up my ideas.

Well, who do we choose to listen - God's voice or ours?

I played with the boy towards the last few stations before mine. A cute lad. Sometimes he seemed all set to run out of the train each time it reached a station but he knew it was the wrong thing to do and he did not. He then looked at parents and me, giggled and continued with his hide-and-seek game with me. Guess where he was hiding? Behind the metal bars in the middle of the train carriage. When I was about to alight, he said bye and I returned it with a wave and a smile. Thanks be to God for that boy.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." Proverbs 3:11-12

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

God Has A Sense Of Humour

I brought mum for her treatment in the morning. I decided to also ask the doctor to check on her back. They did an x-ray on her and found no abnormalies. Praise the Lord. While waiting for her I basically went to Botanic Gardens to spend some time in quiet. I took the time to pray and also to write some thoughts down in my journal.

I was just evaluating why yesterday I felt a little lousy and I guess it is a combination of stuff - mainly mum's fall the day before, my struggle as to how much care and concern I should show to my siblings-in-Christ and friends (sometimes I feel I am over-doing things for people), my role as a Missions Ministry chairperson (I know I have not put my heart and soul into this because of mum's health issue and also fatigue in general) and also wondering about my stand-by next week (an obligation all men in Singapore have towards the nation) whether I would be called up.

Anyway, I submitted all the above-mentioned to the Lord. I was also praying for a few people and while doing that, I received a prompting to do something for someone. I followed up on it after sending mum home. I am thankful there may be some fruit from the enquiry made when I went to the shop where the item was bought. I basically need the Lord to now speak to the management whether the product can be exchanged on a one-to-one basis as it was, to a large extent, due to manufacturer's defect.

Something funny happened in the process of doing the above-mentioned. Initially I thought this product was bought from another shop. I actually called my ex-army friend who now works for that company. He was kind and helpful enough to see how he could assist. As I do not have the product number, I basically described to him the colour and all. We hung up after discussing all the options and to follow up on it when I have more details.

Then I went to the shop where I thought the product was bought from and could not find it. I even described it to the salesperson. Initially I thought that design was sold out and told them it was alright. I was about to go to another retail outlet to enquire when it dawned upon me that it might not have been purchased from that shop. True enough, the item was bought from another shop. I felt so bad that I actually called my ex-army friend to apologise. We both laughed about it.

So much for this funny incident. Eventually I hope I can have the item replaced. Well, I am now in Starbucks Cafe in Suntec City. Since I am here and there is free wireless access, I thought I just blog a little before I meet some brothers-in-Christ for a time of fellowship over dinner. I also need to run some errands.

Well, I guess God has a good sense of humour - knowing that I am a little down, He allowed the above incident to lighten things up and to bring a smile to my face. Thanks be to Him for that!

Alright, I shall stop here and move on with my errands. On with my day's adventure - whatever that is left of it.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

We Are All Imperfect

I went to watch a play just now called "Happy Endings: Asian Boys Volume 3." The topic was on gayism. Just as much as the acting was good and entertaining, I must say I struggled with the contents in there. I feel this way because of my religious beliefs but I do not shun this group of my fellow human beings. I have no right to judge them because I am imperfect myself. Well, I shall leave it as that for now.

I went to donate blood in the afternoon. The insertion of the needle this time round is exceptionally painful - the nurse who attended to me was trying to navigate the needle. She was unsuccessful in the initial attempts. When she finally found the vein, I think she inserted the needle beyond the boundary where the painkiller was administered. Even now, my arm is still sore and stinging. It is also a little swollen. Anyway, I hope that bag of blood will help someone in need.

After the donation, I went to town to check on the boy whom I was ministering to yesterday. He has started work and I was happy to see him in his McDonalds' outfit. He may be posted to another branch but for now he stays at the one in Orchard.

A friend sounded me off that the boy may have to compensate for the DVDs I asked him to destroy - for me, that is the least of my concern because I want him to take responsibility for his actions. He should know what he did was wrong and this is the consequences. If he does not want to lose more money in future, then he should not commit this mistake again. I may sound insensitive in what I have mentioned - what would you do if you were in my position? Well, I will be meeting him again in a couple of days' time and shall follow-up on the compensation issue.

I shall sleep soon. Tomorrow is mum's seventh radiotherapy session. She informed me this morning that her back ached a little - I guess it must have been from the fall. I will monitor her condition tomorrow - if there is still the soreness, I guess I will have to let the doctor check on that.

I was running around town after meeting the boy to collect a couple of forms from a few banks. Learnt a couple of new things about banking in the process. Well, praise the Lord I managed to get the information I needed.

Alright, time to stop here. I am feeling a little lousy today but thanks be to God anyway.

"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:36-38

One At A Time

I had an interesting encounter with a 16-year old boy when I was walking along the pedestrian tunnel from Shaw Brothers Building at Scotts Road to the Orchard MRT station yesterday. This boy was peddling illegal DVD-movies to the passers-by. Initially I walked past him without batting an eye-lid but as I walked on, I felt the need to reach out to him.

I turned back and approached him. As I was stern with him, I told him to pack his things up and walk with me to the MacDonalds Cafe for a drink. He obediently listened to what I instructed him.

I asked him why he needed to do such illegal stuff and he gave the reason that he needed more pocket money. Then I asked him why he did not want to earn them the legal way and he said no one would want to employ him. I told him if I could find him a job, would he be interested? He said it is impossible.

Since we were in MacDonalds itself, I called for the manager and enquired about the employment opportunities for students and whether there were any vacancies. I was told there were and immediately I told the boy to submit his name and contact number. I explained to the manager what I was trying to do and she told me she would take it from there. I also gave her my contact number so that should this boy resigned from his work that I be informed about it. She agreed.

After all the paper-work was done, I asked the boy to break all the DVDs that he was holding on. He did that and threw them into the dustbin. Well, before we departed I told him to do two things - make sure he does not neglect his studies while trying to earn more money and to not get himself into illegal matters anymore. I could only advise him these but the rest is up to him whether he wants to listen or not. I prayed for him as I walked to Kinokuniya Bookstore.

I felt I needed to do the above-mentioned because of his tender age when he should be concentrating on enjoying his youth and not let illegal activities ruin his future. I do not know how others would do if they were in my shoes but at that point, I saw the need to help him see that his actions were wrong and that I should go a step further to also show him that nothing is impossible so long as one tries.

Well, I know I cannot help every one in this world but if I can just make a difference in one or two lives a day, that is enough, I guess.

Anyway, while I was at the bookstore, two dear brothers called me to join them for dinner and I decided to fellowship with them over meal. We also went to Minds Cafe in Selegie Road to play some board games with a couple of other siblings-in-Christ. Praise the Lord for the time we had.

I guess I shall stop here. A very interesting day I had the whole of yesterday. Thanks be to Him once again.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:4-7

A Day Of Plentiful Changes

I just finished making a presentation - part of a curriculum planning that I am involved in for the new semester which is coming up next month. Anyway, I thought I had the day planned out but everything changed along the way.

I was only told about this meeting last night and the secretary apologised when she realised I was supposed to be involved in the discussion. As I have been on sabbatical, it slipped her mind that I will be coming back mid-September.

Anyway, I had to change an afternoon appointment so that I can fit in this meeting. Though it was an inconvenience but I thank God that I had all the details prepared last week. I had actually wanted to do the preparations this week but decided that I might as well get them over and done with last Thursday.

After the presentation, I was supposed to meet a colleague for tea but it was cancelled because she has another meeting at 4pm later.

Another appointment to have dinner with a friend was also cancelled just about an hour ago because the restaurant I had wanted to bring her to is closed for renovation. Anyway, she has a couple of things to do as well - I thought it is important for her to finish them.

Well, suddenly I have nothing to do. I guess I shall just pop by Kinokuniya and Borders to check out some books and perhaps walk around town area.

What I have related above has taught me something - that man can plan all he wants but at the end of the day, it may not always fall in place. I guess it is the same as man trying to plan everything he can for his life here on earth but who knows tomorrow what will happen to his plans or to him, for that matter.

During the meeting earlier, a few uncalled comments were made about my presentation by a certain individual when what he had mentioned could have been read and understood in an email I sent out last week after I was done with my planning. He kept denying that he did not receive the attachment when others have already read my articles. My boss also showed him that his email address was on the list. I was on the verge of shooting him down but I prayed within me and asked the Lord to help me help this colleague of mine in understanding my concept. Well, when the meeting was over, the both of us stayed in the conference room and I passed him a set of my write-up. I told him I would answer any queries as he read on. Well, none was asked and we departed after 15 minutes.

What discouraged me was the way he made it sound as if I did not do my work when I had actually done it way before I knew this meeting was scheduled for today. I learnt something from this incident - do not put people down unneccesarily even when you think you have the right to do so. It could have been resolved if he had enquired right at the start of my presentation whether the articles have been circulated in advance and perhaps request for a set if he did not have them.

Anyway, so much for that. This morning when I was still in bed, I heard like someone had fallen in the kitchen area. I quickly got up and true enough, mum was seated on the toilet floor and the aluminium door was detached from the hinges (I thank God that the door did not fall on her) - I guess it happened when mum was trying to grab on to something while she was slipping. She was trying to wash the pooh-tray for my doggy. When I saw all that had happened, I was angry within me as mum should have known better to leave all these to the rest of us to handle. But as I was about to make certain remarks, I felt a nudge to just keep quiet. What's the point when mum had already fallen and that little accident could have already affected her physically and mentally. Why make matters even worse by adding more comments? I am glad she is okay.

Well, a day of surprises for me. I guess I shall leave my office now. Thanks be to God for making this day an 'interesting' one.

To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:1, 3 & 9

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." Philippians 4:4-5

Thank God For Fathers!

This morning I was at the Youth Ministry and we were discussing about fathers. I have written so many blogs that I cannot remember whether I have typed something on this topic. Anyway, I shall share my thoughts tonight.

I grew up in a family where it was dad who took care of my daily needs right from when I was a babe. Mum was quite a workaholic with her sports equipment business to the point where dad took over the role of a mother.

When I was hungry in the middle of the night, it was dad who took care of me. When I was doing my lower primary education, it was dad who walked me to school. During the weekends, it was dad who brought me out to watch movies without fail. When I was being punished by mum who was a disciplinarian in the family, it was dad who stood up for me and sometimes shielded me from the canes and slaps from mum. It is quite interesting that there is a role-reversal between my parents. When I wanted something like toys or certain gadgets, he would get them for me most of the trime. When I was sick, it was dad who sacrificed his sleep to take care of me, ensuring that my temperature was kept in check and that my medication was taken punctually. I remember clearly how sometimes I saw his red eyes when taking care of me during the period of my kidney ailment. I guess it was painful for him to see his own son down with a medical problem.

I was quite close with dad when I was younger but as I grew older and as I mixed with bad companies during my upper primary education, we grew further apart. Though I have disappointed him many times, he did not bear any grudge but still loved me as before. We do have our differences - I guess that is common between two parties.

Anyway, now that dad has retired, I am trying my best to spend time with him as oft as I can. It is an effort but it is always worth the while when we managed to go out for a drink or when we accompany mum to the hospital. I am already an adult but dad still calls occasionally when I am out, asking whether I have eaten and always caution me to take care of myself wherever I go. Sometimes a little naggy but then I am more touched than irked by his kind gesture.

I am not trying to boast writing this but my caring nature comes from my father but at the same time a weakness also manifests itself from this characteristic - that is we both can be too naggy at times. We mean well generally but sometimes we put people off when we over-care. Haha. I am learning to strike a balance.

So much for my earthly father. I am glad to also know my heavenly Father. Though sometimes dad fails in certain areas, one thing about my Father in heaven is that He never fails me because He is a perfect Father. Though I have learnt from dad quite a bit over the years, nothing can beat the abundant lessons I can learn from Jesus. Dad is afterall a human himself and he has his shortcomings - whatever I cannot learn from him, I will get that from my loving Father. He (Jesus) has a lot of godly characteristics in which I am still trying to attain. I shared these with a youth group today. The passage is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I basically challenged the youths to replace the word "love" with that of their names and see whether they have those characteristics. If no, then I told them to ask the Lord to help them practise these traits in their lives.

Another passage is taken from Galatians 5:22-23 where it spoke about the fruit of the Spirit.

Well, if ever I get the chance to be a father, I would like to be like dad and Dad. They have taught me much and I will put to practice these that I have learnt with my children.

May the Lord be my help in the above desire. Thanks be to God for my father and Father! If not for them I would not have been who I am today. My Father is still very much dealing with my life and it will be ongoing even till I die, I guess.

I was with the youths for a game of touch-rugby. Many turned up and I was encouraged by that. A dear sister and I took turn to referee the games. It was fun as usual but every one was super-dirty after everything was over. Some of us had dinner together and we had a good time of fellowship together. I praise the Lord for the bonding and I look forward to more of this in the near future.

Time to sleep. I hope I can though. Another brand new week - well, I shall cherish it as I go through each day. There is a mix of happiness and sadness as I think about the days ahead. Well, I am sure God will help me deal with them as they come by.

Good night, every one!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

God Created Me Unique

Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Have you ever tried copying someone in terms of his or her dressing/style, accent, likes, dislikes, etc? Yesterday I was at the second night of the Radio Bible Class (RBC) Ministry Bible Conference in St. Andrew's Cathedral and I was reminded to be myself.

I have always wanted to be like Tom Cruise who has got the looks. After watching the movie, "Top Gun," where he acted as a fighter jet pilot, I told myself I am going to be like him. Then I looked in the mirror, I realised it is quite impossible: he's a Caucasian and I am a Chinese; he's got the sharp features and I have the round ones; he's got the six-pack and I have the six-in-one pack; he's tall and I am just an average-height chap.

For a period of time, I felt lousy about the way I look and what I was. Though I have learnt to overcome that, there is no denial that sometimes I still wish I can be someone else. I guess it is a human thing. I also realised that whenever I turn my focus off God, then I become shakey in terms of who and what I am.

I am thankful that I got to know Jesus Christ and over the years in my growing up as a Christian, I learnt to accept myself. In fact, I was reminded last night that I am created unique so that my life can touch those around me when I exercise the gifts and talents God has given me.

At the end of the day, it is not the way I look but what I am inside that can make a difference in the lives of others. At the same time, it is also what is inside that can put people off. I guess I have to always make a conscious effort to watch myself. Wait! Let me add on to that - I think so long as I desire to know God, then my life will naturally become Christ-like and it should bless lives rather than blast lives. Right?

If I can use the uniqueness God has made me to be, why should I want to be someone else? I guess the one and only Person I should want to copy is Jesus Christ Himself. Why should I want to be like another human when I should desire for the Creator who made every human?

Well, it was a good wake-up call for me yesterday. I am Andy Chew. I am given gifts and talents and I will use them to minister to others. I still put people off occasionally because of my weaknesses/shortcomings but I am learning to overcome them bit by bit. Bear with me, every one.

It is quite amazing that a couple of days ago, I was struggling with the issue of my life repelling others more than attracting. I guess God wants to jolt me and not let this affect what I can be and do. May His name be glorified in my words, thoughts and deeds.

Today has been a long day for me. I got a lift to church from a dear brother who came by to pick something up for another friend. Then I had to go to Marina Bay to help set up some stuff for the National Day rehearsal. Then I went to meet a dear brother and sister to plan with them their wedding which will be held at the end of the year. Then it was back to Marina Bay again. When everything was in order, I left before the rehearsal commenced. I shopped alone around town and bought a couple of things. As my left knee was feeling a little painful, I decided to go home.

Well, thanks be to God for sustaining me through this day!

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:7-14

Let Us Be Both Mary And Martha

I attended a talk at St. Andrew's Cathedral organised by the Radio Bible Class (RBC) Ministries - the organisation that brings us "The Daily Bread" devotional guide. The talk is for women but men are welcomed to attend. The theme was on "Making Choice Choices" and the speaker is Professor Alice Mathews. The teaching session is held over two days - Thursday and Friday at 7:30pm.

Some of you may be asking what does the theme mean? How come a same word appears twice? Well, in the English Language, the word "choice" has two meanings - one refers to a decision that an individual has to make; the other refers to excellence. In other words, the theme also means, "Making Excellent Choices." Just playing of words by Prof. Mathews.

Anyway, there were two sermons being taught and I would like to share the second one. I will try my best to make it as clear as possible.

The message was on Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) where many preachers like to use this passage to make a comparison - they always seemed to be preaching that Mary was doing the right thing and Martha was doing the wrong thing.

Today's talk debunks the right and wrong issue and I was deeply blest by the way Prof. Mathews explained it. What Martha did was not wrong - her actions were okay but it was her attitude that needed to be changed. In the midst of her doing, she allowed her busyness to get the better of her. In the end, it led to her feeling frustrated and discouraged when her work is not being noticed by others. On the other hand, Mary seemed to have made the right choice of sitting down to listen to Jesus. The speaker stressed that Mary did not choose the better but she simply chose what was good and beneficial.

Then Prof. Mathews led the congregation to the verse before this passage, found in Luke 10:27. She was correcting our understanding of service/ministry. The Mary and Martha analogy was about this very verse she pointed out.

She taught that in order to serve God, it is important for the individual to know Him first-hand and be blest by His Word. Only then will his attitude be right and that he can be more effective in his service.

The other lesson I learnt was this - service is not just about doing. When we choose to love God first as mentioned in verse 27 of Luke Chapter 10 and understand fully what His love is about, will we then know how to show love to others through our service/ministry.

We need to be a Mary first and then a Martha - let us choose to listen to God first and learn more about Him (Mary) and then after that, put to action through our service (Martha).

Many Christians run out of steam in their service simply because they are not communing with God enough daily through the reading of His Word and in prayer. Ministry and knowing God must run concurrently. The latter gives energy and sustenance to the former and when a Christian keeps doing that, his strength will always be renewed. He will also find joy in his service because he knows he is first doing for God and also doing it to bless others what he has been blest with.

Let us be both Mary and Martha in our service! That is a choice choice a servant of God can ever make.

I hope I make sense in what I have written above.

"Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

"He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Luke 10:27

Which Is More Important?

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean. I am in a limbo now - I am actually feeling a little unwell. I feel lethargic and my body is aching. Later I will be attending a talk in St. Andrew's Cathedral. I want to go for the seminar but at the same time I know I should go home and rest since I am feeling a little whoozie. Anyway, I think I should be well soon - just consumed two panadols given to me by the cafe staff.

Funnily I could not sleep this morning. I tossed and turned in my bed but still could not enter into slumberland. In the end, I just surfed the net. I only managed to sleep at 4am and woke up at around 9am. I was supposed to bring mum to the specialist to check her sugar level - in the end, my brother brought her instead.

Earlier I was running some errands and doing some shopping. As I did not have the energy to go all out, I decided to go to the cafe to have my usual Ultimate Ice Blended. I just finished my reading and thought I blog a little.

As I am typing now, I am actually being entertained by a conversation by these two ladies sitting next to my table. I would love not to eavesdrop but they are talking so loudly that it is hard to do so. One of them is talking about this man in her department who is interested in her. I am not particularly thrilled by what they are talking about. Instead there is this tinge of sadness.

The lady whom the man is interested in is not reciprocating. From what I gathered, it has nothing to do with his character because I did not really hear any of that being mentioned except that he is generally a sweet guy . Instead the reasons she is not interested are: he is just a mere manager; does not own a car; does not go clubbing; and the shirt he wears is from G2000 (I do not know how she knows that though). It did not help that her friend actually agreed that he is not suitable for her. Of course I do not have the full picture but what I heard so far caused me to conclude that the man's character does not matter to these two ladies. The important thing is the material possessions that he owns.

Well, every one is entitled to their opinions but it is disheartening to hear about the above-mentioned. It is no doubt that a certain amount of material possession is important for the sustenance of oneself but it should not at the end of the day be the main factor in accepting someone.

I cannot deny that I have judged the two ladies. I seek the Lord's forgiveness in that but I sure hope my friends do not accept me for what I have but more so for who I am. Every one may not be perfect in terms of character but I feel that is more important than anything else. Is there no life and joy if one is poor?

Anyway, just my thoughts. I shall stop here for now.

"Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' "Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." ' "But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' "This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God." Luke 12:13-21

God Will Finish The Battle

Thanks be to God!!! I want to start off this blog with thanksgiving. God truly deserves all praise and glory for all that He has been doing for mum and the family. Mum went for a scan this morning after her treatment. The result revealed that her tumour has diminished by two-third the size. The doctor said it is a very good sign and he recommended four more radiotherapy sessions to totally eradicate the problem!

Well, though there is still the one-third of growth left, I cannot help it but to be grateful to God. The family has gone through a lot. Today I feel I can breathe better. I can also feel the weight on my shoulders lighter now. The past couple of weeks have been a roller-coaster ride for me - my mood was swinging (my apologies if I have offended any one), my sleep was lacking, my mind was swaying, my energy was sapping. I praise God for sustaining me through. I told Him He has to help me - I needed to be strong as every one else in the family was quite troubled. Sometimes I had to force myself to smile when it was tough to do so. Now as I look back, I have nothing but relief. The battle is not over but I know God will finish it for mum and my family.

After accompanying mum home, I went to the beach along East Coast Parkway to just be quiet before God. For one and a half months there were a lot of things crying out for attention. I had no choice but to entertain them. Today after I got the report, I just felt I needed to be quiet. As I shared with God my gratefulness by the breakwater, I could not hold the tears of joy that were flowing down my cheeks. It was a time of refreshing for me.

Truly the Lord is good and His love endures forever! I know this period has strengthened my parents and grandma's faith in God. As for my brother, he smiled when he heard the news. I know somewhere in his heart, he knows there is a true God in action - I hope he will be curious to know more about this Almighty God whom the Chew family has come to know of and worships.

Godma just called and I shared with her the good news. She rejoiced with the family. As mentioned in my previous blog where I shared about the lesson I learnt from the touch-rugby game - I want to thank those of you who have been reading my blogs and have been praying for and with my family. God has answered our prayers and is still listening. Thank you for supporting my family and I. I still covet your prayers till the healing is done - I hope this testimony will affirm in us that our God never fails.

To God be the glory, honour and praise!

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

God's Will Be Done

I just spent some moments with mum in prayer - tomorrow she'll be going for her sixth radiotherapy session and after that she'll undergo a scan for the doctor to ascertain the progress of the treatment so far.

I am anxious. She is too. In fact my whole family is. Well, I am thankful we went to God in prayer, asking the Lord to prepare our hearts for the results. I shared with the family that just as much as we want to pray for healing for mum, we also need to pray for the Lord's will to be done in her life and in the lives of the rest of us. Well, we gave thanks for everything that had happened already and those that are to come. I think that allowed us not to demand of God for what we want but to believe that what He has put us through is for our good and the building of our faith and family.

Well, I shall leave my thoughts as that for now. I shan't write further today though I have a couple of things to share. Another day perhaps.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Winning Life's Race Together

Have you ever wondered how time flies so fast that you do not even know where it went to? Lately I have been feeling this way though I know time moves at a constant pace. Sometimes I wish it would move slower so that I could catch up with it but obviously it does not work that way. Sometimes I wish time would stop completely especially during those moments when I cherish them most - again those were just wishful thinking. Of course there were occasions when I wish I could turn back time (as written in my previous blog) and live my life differently or hope certain parts of my life would be changed but as I have mentioned, it would never happen.

Well, I guess I have to be grateful for the present, thankful for the past and hopeful for the future. Time is, afterall, in God's hand.

It has been a rather long day - I brought mum to the hospital for her diabetes check-up. Because of that I could not go for my accountability group meeting with three of my brothers-in-Christ. I had wanted to go because I have a couple of things that I would like to share with them but I guess that has got to wait for now. Well, just as much as I am disappointed not being able to attend the session, I guess I have my obligation to take care of mum's physical well-being. No dispute that family matters come first. Anyway, mum's sugar level is high - I hope the medication will help stabilise it.

After sending mum home, I went out to run some errands for myself and also for some friends. I also needed to settle some banking matters which was a headache but thanks be to God, it was resolved. I also went to buy a couple of things. When I was in town I met a dear brother by coincidence. As he needed to buy an electrical item, I brought him to Lucky Plaza where I know some shops carry the product and could offer a reasonable price. He managed to find it in the first shop we stepped into. The price was also good.

As my brother was not feeling well, he headed home to rest while I carried on with my errands. Well, it is always fun to shop with friends especially when looking for things and purchasing them at a satisfactory price.

Anyway, so much for that. I went to join some siblings-in-Christ to play touch-rugby at Tavistock Park at 5:30pm. As my left knee is still recovering and my body not up to par, I did not play but instead I took the role of a referee and guided the game along. Every one had fun. I wish in the next game, more will participate.

I learnt one spiritual lesson from the game. Touch-rugby basically requires the cooperation of the team members to manoeuvre the ball around each other so that one of the members will go for a try at the touch-line to win a point for the team. It is basically a concerted effort and not an individual one. One of the rules is that there should not be a foreward pass of the ball from one team member to another. Every one must be behind the member who has the ball.

I guess the above-mentioned serves as a reminder for me that in the race I am running in my pilgrim's journey, I cannot do it on my own. Instead I need my siblings-in-Christ to always be behind me to support and ready to help me when I am in dire straits. They are also there to help me when the opponents (the devil) try to bring me down. The one thing that humbled me when I was reflecting on this game is basically this - when I succeed in going for a try, the glory is not my own but it has to be shared with my spiritual family members who were there to hold me. Of course, God receives the highest praise as He is always there to push us on and to supply anything that we lack in.

Well, I shall end here. Praise the Lord for the thoughts given to me as written above.

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:13-15

Great Significance - Can I?

I learnt a few lessons today - in fact two were from the service. The sermon was on "Redemptive Significance" and it was a good reminder for me especially as a Christian in this world and as a friend to another.

As a Christian, I learnt the need to live my life in a manner that I can allow others to see Christ working in me as a testimony. But when I was pondering on that point, there was a battle as in how can I live that kind of life? Must it be one where I have to be super-spiritual? I asked the Lord about this and my take is that no one can - as in Christians are still humans and humans err. I guess I can only live as much as I can a life that is pleasing in God's sight. I also need to have a desire where I yearn to allow God to mould and transform me accordingly especially my sins and shortcomings. It will take time for others to see a transformation but I guess that is alright. To me, that is the most effective way in reaching out to others. Through this, not many words need to be spoken to convince, just allowing others to see the change in me is enough to testify that the God whom I worship is real and true. I can be of great significance in the sight of others if I choose to do so. It is my prayer that I can be.

As a friend, I want to make a difference in someone's life. In my blog yesterday, I shared about how I sometimes feel I repel others more than I attract. I cannot deny I have my shortcomings and weaknesses which sometimes, if not kept in check, may put others off. It is a constant struggle. A dear sister spoke to me on this issue last night and she asked whether it is due to low self-esteem. I cannot deny that as well. Frankly I do not generally have much confidence in myself when I am with people. Many times I struggle a lot to not show it and I always thank God for reminding me that I have Him to lead and guide me. I guess it is due to past failures that cause me to have this insecurity. Still learning about this aspect of my life. I guess I am trying my best to be as best a friend to another - sometimes I pass; sometimes I fail. Hope all will bear with me when the latter happens.

The other lesson I learnt at service got to do with my role as a worship leader. Though I have been leading worship for years, I am thankful that God is still teaching me new things through others who care to point out some areas in which I can improve on. A dear brother shared with me after the service that I should not use the points to be preached in the sermon in the praise segment as it will then become repetitive. My initial purpose of doing that was to reinforce the theme of the service but I guess what my brother shared made sense as well. Praise the Lord for teaching me in this area.

Well, I guess that is all I want to share for today. I am feeling a little unwell - very lethargic and body feels weak. I hope I can sleep it off tonight and be well tomorrow.

To God be the glory for everything. Journey goes on in the brand new week ahead - making a conscious effort to be a blessing to the people I will be meeting along the way - family members; friends; acquaintances, strangers, needy, anyone basically. :)

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." 1 Peter 2:9-12

The Beatitudes

I just came home from a get-together for a friend. It was a surprise gathering for her and I believe all who were present hoped she enjoyed herself.

Earlier I was with some friends for a drink at Villa Bali near Queensway area. It was a nice and cosy place to sit down and chat.

I attended the Youth Ministry Mentors' (YMMs) monthly fellowship at a dear brother's home. It was a good time of sharing of our lives and prayer needs so that we could encourage and intercede for one another.

We touched on the Beatitudes found in Matthew 5:1-16. If you have read this passage before, it sounds very gloomy and discouraging because it touches on some negative aspects of life (both the physical and spiritual).

When I was pondering on the 16 verses, it dawned upon me that yes, though the passage sounded very sad but it was there for a reason and "grace" came to mind. I saw the grace of God in all that were written because He is warning and encouraging the readers that it is not a bad thing having to go through the negative aspects of life. There are precious lessons to learn from it. It is usually in times of trial and tribulation that one learns the most. I guess the Beatitudes were there to remind us of this. Another lesson I learnt from this was - if we can try to see our struggles as something good and our attitude towards overcoming them is one of trust in the Lord to pull us through and finding joy in this difficult times, it can be a testimony to many around us. This would then cause them to wonder who is this God we are worshipping. I hope we will press on in this so that we can let others see Christ in us in how we live our lives.

This is a timely lesson for me because today I suddenly feel I have not been a sensitive friend to my other friends. Sometimes I feel I repel more than I attract people. I do not really know why I feel this way but it kind of bugged me.

Well, I guess it is good to experience the above-mentioned as it allows me to evaluate. Sometimes I have to confess that I really have no idea how to be a friend to another. I struggle with this constantly. When it happens, I would usually do two things - one, I would try my best to be the friend I think I should be but many times I would fail miserably. At the end of it all, I still do put some friends off; two, I would just distant myself and stay clear of people so that my actions would not affect others.

This is not the first time I am struggling with this - maybe I have not learnt this lesson fully as yet.

As I am writing the above thoughts, it occurred to me that maybe God wants me to grapple with this due to what I am going to do tomorrow as a worship leader. As the passage will be on how one can be of great significance wherever he or she goes, perhaps I have to learn something from this first before encouraging the congregation what they can do.

Anyway, I pray the Lord will lead and guide me as I serve Him tomorrow. I always feel very burdened before I lead - I guess leading worship is not just about singing songs but also being sensitive to the Spirit's leading, obeying what He wants me to do and stirring the church to a certain direction.

I shall end here. I am looking forward to worshipping God tomorrow with the rest of my siblings-in-Christ. May the Lord teach us what it means to worship Him in Spirit and in truth.

"Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:1-16

Looking Heavenwards

I just arrived at Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean. While ordering my usual Ultimate Ice Blended, two staff who know me after being a regular customer here spoke to me and asked how come I have not visited the joint for more than a week already. I told them I was busy with stuff. Like old friends, they updated me on one of their colleagues having just been promoted to the rank of a supervisor. I am happy to hear about the promotion because that staff, by the name of Boon, is really friendly and his customer service standard is considered excellent! As he is off today, I asked his two colleagues to convey my congratulations to him the next time he is on duty. :)

I had lunch with a dear sister-in-Christ earlier at Miss Clarity Cafe. I missed their chicken leg with mushroom sauce and potatoes a lot and am satisfied now that I have consumed it. Praise the Lord! I decided to come here to spend some time reading the Bible and also to write this blog. My sister had to meet her boyfriend after the meal so we went on our separate ways. I was thinking of preparing for the praise and worship session but decided I shall do it tomorrow in the church office before the worship team rehearsal.

I was awake early in the morning. I could not sleep basically. I went online to check my emails and I was surprised to receive a note from a certain individual who shared with me about the struggles he is facing in his life currently. One phrase in the email caught my attention and I would like to share a bit of my thoughts on it. I have sought permission from this brother-in-Christ to write on this topic.

The phrase was "How I wish I can turn back time and change some things of the past." My question is "Do we really wish to turn back time?" What makes us think that if we could turn back time and change some things that the outcome would be better? What happens if they are worst than what we are currently going through now? Where is God in this thought that we are having now?

I asked the above questions because there were several times in my life that I wanted things to be different if I could just turn back the clock:-

1) I wished I was born in a different family; If that is not possible, I wished I could have a different mum;

2) I wished I was less rebellious;

3) I wished I was more studious;

4) I wished my character would have been more attractive;

5) I wished I could have exercised more and be less horizontally challenged;

6) I wished I was not sick;

7) I wished there were less failures in my life as in studies, relationships and other pursuits;

8) I wished I was more confident.

9) I even wished, at one point, I could have served less in church so that I have more time to socialise outside of church. Can you believe that?

We all know we cannot turn back time; we all know what is in the past stays in the past. But there are a few things we know we can do in the present:-

a) Give thanks to God for the unpleasant things that had happened in our lives. Tough but by giving thanks, we are basically telling God and ourselves that there is a reason for what had happened and by reflecting, perhaps we can cherish the lessons we have learnt and see how these encounters can build our character and make us to be a better and stronger person. Ultimately, by giving thanks, we are acknowledging God's will being done in our lives - that we trust Him enough to let our lives' journey mould us to be the kind of person He wants us to be;

b) To press on ahead and let God help us in what we can do now. The past we cannot control but we can stir the present and with God's help, we can move ahead and try not to commit the same mistake that had happened before.

c) To help each other in the healing of emotions and to press on in what is ahead to win the prize that God has called us heavenward. Pressing ahead brings us closer to heaven; trying to go back to the past simply brings us further away from where God wants us to be.

Having written the above-mentioned, I have to say I am glad to have gone through this pilgrim's journey thus far. When I was going through it, of course I found them a drag but now I shall go through what God wants me to experience with a positive attitude because He knows what is best for me. I also know He will not allow anything to harm me in the course of the lessons He is teaching me.

In the nine "I wished" I wrote earlier, let me share what I have learnt so far:-

1) Though my family was in constant quarrels in the past and mum used to abuse me a lot physically, I now thank God for giving them to me. All these unpleasantness have caused us to learn about our flaws and shortcomings and now we see our wrongs. We are constantly overcoming them and we are beginning to see the inner beauty of one another at home. It reminds me also that my family members are humans. The best part is my parents and grandma have God to help them now. Though my brother is still a non-believer, I believe God is also teaching him and helping him.

2) Being rebellious was wrong because I wanted to irk my mum for the pressures she put me through. I have learnt and she has learnt from this as well. The lessons taught I now use them to help others who are going through the same struggle.

3) When God opened opportunities and alternative routes to allow me to continue with my studies, I learnt to cherish them. I learnt to be studious over time (because I am grateful for the avenues He provided for me) and the fruit of my labour paid off. I thank God for what He has given me especially the qualifications I now have. All glory be to Him!

4) My character is still being moulded by God and it will be so till I die. I can never be 100% attractive to others because of the flaws, weaknesses and shortcomings that I still struggle with. It is my prayer that the people around me will see the beauty that God has also created in me. I am still "Work In Progress" as I had written before. In saying this, I am also learning to accept other people's beauty and ugliness.

5) There were many times I wished I could have been a thinner person because I feel that people are more attracted to this kind of build but I am not too bothered by it anymore. I want people to accept me for what and who I am and if ever I want to lose those few pounds, it would be for my health sake and nothing else. Of course I have hit a snag in this due to my knee injury. I hope I can be well soon to carry on where I left off.

6) Then I wished I was healthier. Well, now indeed I am better physically. It was a painful process when I was suffering from my kidney ailment but having gone through pain for a period of time, having them taken away now allows me to appreciate life better. The lessons I have learnt from this are invaluable and I will use them to bless others who are going through certain health problems currently. One of them is mum.

7) Failures I have experienced allow me to cherish successes more. It also reminded me that sometimes having to take the longer route to reach the same destination is okay because I can learn more in that journey and to understand better why they happened. Thanks be to God!

8) Being confident was never my strength and I am still struggling with this. I am still learning about it but I now know one thing - when I do not have confidence in myself, I find it in the Lord who reminds me constantly that He is my refuge and strength, an everpresent help in times of need (Psalm 46:1).

9) This wish I had was a stupid one because then I thought I could have used the time to socialise and know other people more and maybe can find my life-partner in the course of it. Now I know nothing beats serving the Lord and making a difference in other people's lives. If He so knows my desire to share my life with someone and if it is His will, He will give me the lady whom I love and cherish a lot.

Well, I am sure long-winded but I shall not be apologetic here because these are the goodness of the Lord that I want to testify. I am not boasting about the above-mentioned. May the Lord deal with me if I had that motive - I want to remind us and myself included that it is important to press forward and not look back - it is the future that we can change and let us help one another in this. Of course, let us not forget about God. :) Wait! Please do not get me wrong that it is wrong to look back. It is perfectly fine to do so but it should not and must not affect us.

Let us continue to fight the good fight, press on to finish the race and keep the faith!

I shall end here. Again, thanks and glory be to God!

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Ironing Is Good!

Last night I was ironing a huge pile of clothes and it took me a total of two hours to do so. As it was quite boring just ironing, I took the time to pray and sang the songs I chose for this Sunday's praise and worship. My family members, especially my bro (who is a non-believer), most probably have thought that I was mad. Anyway, praying and singing while ironing surely made the whole session more meaningful and fun. It felt faster too especially with the large amount I was doing.

I learnt a couple of lessons from this ironing activity - I was reminded that I am like the T-shirt or shirt or trousers or hankerchief. My life is full of creases - pet-sins, weaknesses, shortcomings, etc. With these creases of life, they tend to make me messy, unattractive and a put-off especially in the sight of others.

God is like the iron - whenever He sees the creases of my life, He will be there ready to iron me out and remove those imperfections if I allow Him to. If I refuse, then I will be like the pile of clothes in the basket, all creased up and forever a mess!

Upon learning this lesson, I prayed and confessed my sins, weaknesses and shortcomings to God. I admitted to Him that I need Him to help me iron out these mess I have created. I also shared with the Lord that I want to live a life in a manner where I am "attractive" to others and above all, pleasing in the sight of Him. Tough, as it may be, but I hope with His help, I will learn to overcome the creases of my life.

As I was ironing, I also noticed holes or slight tears along the seams of some of the clothings. I would basically stop my ironing and take out a needle and thread to mend those holes or tears. God does that to our lives too - He wants to mend the pain, the hurts, the emotional or physical scars, the disappointments, the rage, the hopelessness of our fragile lives. He has a lot of things to deal with especially when His creation is so huge but I know my God will stop doing everything and spend the time with me to heal me spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Again I took the time to pray that God would help me cope with the pains that I am still experiencing especially the physical and emotional ones that I have been carrying for a while. I shared with Him from the bottom of my heart my struggles in these areas. I hope in His time, He will release me from all these.

One more lesson I learnt about ironing - that of broken relationships from quarrels, misunderstandings, clashes of character, envy, jealousy, unforgiveness, bitterness and betrayal. Most of the time when there is a rift in relationships between two parties, the normal thing to do is to break that bond and forever become enemies. Do you know that the normal thing for a Christian to do, especially in situations like this, is always the opposite of our natural reaction? We basically need to iron out our differences, forgive one another and rebuild the relationship. Of course this will take a while but it is better than not doing anything about it. Why give up a relationship so easily when it has been so tough building it since it first started?

Well, again I shared with the Lord some of the struggles I have with a few friends whom I cherish a lot. I hope He will always prompt me as to what I should do and that I will always strive towards building each other up than tearing one another down.

Okie, so much for my sharing. I brought mum to the hospital in the morning. By the way, I woke up feeling cheery as I know after today's radiotherapy session, mum is one step closer to full recovery. Not many steps left and I am looking forward to the day when I hear from the doctor that all the cancer cells in mum's cervix have been eradicated! Next week is a crucial week as mum will have to go for a scan to ascertain whether there is improvement. I shall claim in the name of Jesus that it will be so. May the Lord's will be done in this area.

In an hour's time, I have to attend a leaders' meeting. A couple of days back I was not looking forward to it but today as I was praying in Botanic Gardens, I felt the joy of having to attend it. In my heart I know it may not be that bad afterall especially in what I am to present. The Lord prompted me to let my words be few and I shall do that later.

Well, I shall blog on that when I get home. So far, thanks be to God for all that He has taught me and for pulling me through the day thus far.

To Him be the glory!

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24

Bring A Good Cheer To Someone

I was in Chinatown this afternoon to collect some documents. It was not planned but I praise the Lord that He made my trip a pleasant one. I am especially pleased with the good customer service of this agency that I went to. The lady whom I have been liaising with for the past one week or so has been so accommodating that I have nothing but praise for her willingness to help meet all the requests I asked for.

When she saw me at the counter, she came out personally to greet me and shook my hand though I could tell she was very busy.

This kind lady, who is probably in her late 40s or early 50s, has been very sweet. In the process of confirming with her the purchase of the product over the phone, she even tried to get a discount for me but was not allowed to as I was not eligible for it. She also ran through the checklist with me to ensure I have everything in order. She even secured something for me from another agency when I requested for it. Though the standard arrangement could have been settled verbally, she printed the approval letter so that I do not have to worry about showing proof of document should there be a miscommunication.

After I have made the payment, I waved her goodbye - she was in another room but looking out of the window, she returned the wave. I felt I needed to give her something for such a good service rendered. I went to Coffee Bean to buy her an Ultimate Ice Blended (my favourite!) and a muffin. I went back to the agency to pass her the two items. She thanked me in Cantonese and I said, "You are welcome!" in the same language though my vocabulary was so limited. I do not know why she thinks I know how to speak Cantonese because since I first spoke to her on the phone, she slowly switched to this language. I thank God for giving me the gift of tongue in speaking the dialect and also the gift of interpretation for understanding it. :)

Anyway, it is people like this lady who makes the day of others. I hope I can be like her.

I was in church earlier to prepare for the praise and worship session that I will be leading this Sunday at the 11:15am service. Before I looked at the songs and thought of what to do, I spent some time in prayer. The Lord as always answered my prayer and guided me through the preparation. Songs just came in one after another. I have a draft list now. I shall take the rest of tonight to ponder on them and hopefully the Lord will give me the discernment to know whether they are the confirmed ones so that I can pass the list to the Worship Team.

I decided to go for a walk with my dog after coming back from Chinatown. As I was walking, I took the time to thank God for all that He has done for me today. I also took the moment to converse with Him the needs of some of my friends (especially for their health) and also for myself (health as well).

Tomorrow mum is going for her fifth radiotherapy session - she has not vomitted for a couple of days already and I thank God for that. I prayed for her that this is a good sign and that she is on the road to recovery. I hope to give her and dad a well-deserved treat when all the treatments are over and done with and also when the doctor has given her a clean bill of health. I hope to send them on a holiday when this ordeal is over so that they can celebrate the Lord's goodness in another land.

Well, last week I did not look forward to Wednesday because of mum's treatment but I guess I shall look forward to tomorrow - I want to believe that every time a treatment is completed, mum is one step closer to healing. If that is the case, why should I not be looking forward to the day of her visitation to the hospital?

My left knee just gave me problems again. There was a sharp pain when I sat down just now. Well, it is better now - maybe I strained it when I was walking with Sasha.

Okie, I shall stop here. Got piles of clothes to iron.

Thanks be to God for today!

"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones." Proverbs 15:30

Standing By One Another

I just finished writing my journal. As I was reflecting and jotting my thoughts, my heart felt heavy and sad. A dear brother-in-Christ corresponded with me over the MSN - he asked me whether I was okay during the dinner appointment we had with a few other siblings-in-Christ.

We were sharing about how superficial we can be sometimes when in the presence of one another; how we fail to help one another when we see something not right in another person's life; how sometimes we make use of one another and take each other for granted; how when we see someone struggling in their faith and yet not confronting the issue but instead closing an eye to the whole matter; how we place other areas of our lives above God. We were burdened that these are happening amongst Christians.

We acknowledged that Christians are humans too but the difference we can make in another person's life is the need for us to take an effort to help one another in our struggles with sins and our shortcomings. If we are not doing that, then who else would? If we feel the nudge from God to help a brother or a sister and chose not to respond to that prompting, how then will we help one another grow in the Lord and in maturity?

It is tiring having to deal with the above-mentioned but the both of us reminded each other that we cannot avoid our responsibility and obligation to spur one another on. We challenged each other to do something about it though it can be drag and we have decided to begin with prayer for one another.

Well, I pray God can use the both of us. I also hope God will bring others into my life to help me in my struggles and desire to be a better person for Him and the people around me.

I went out to run some errands for myself and others in the afternoon. I thank God I managed to get most of the things done but along the way I was also disappointed I could not get a discounted deal which initially I thought I could.

Anyway, thanks be to God for guiding me through the running around!

I am leading worship this Sunday and I have yet to sit down and seek the Lord in what songs to sing and what to do for the service. I hope I can do that tomorrow when I spend the day in church. I pray God will give me the discernment and that I will obey His promptings.

Lately I feel a little dryness in my walk - I hope the Lord will refresh me soon and bring me out of this rut.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25

Practising The Right Things

It has been two days since I last blog. I did a wedding photography assignment for two of my siblings-in-Christ who tied the knot yesterday (at the wedding service) and celebrated their marriage in feasting today (at the wedding banquet). In all I took more than 600 pictures. I just finished editing them and will pass the photo-CD to the couple soon. I hope they will like them. It has been a joy serving them on their big day. I am exhausted but I shall finish this blog first before I go to bed.

I think I might have offended someone. I pray my friend is not too angry with my indecisiveness or any of my other shortcomings. I did not mean to agitate but I guess I might just have done so.

Yesterday I had another unpleasant encounter in the midst of my photography session. I learnt something from there that I asked the Lord to help me not commit the same mistake. Anyway, this incident has no relation to the wedding of my two siblings-in-Christ.

I hope as a brother-in-Christ to my other siblings in church, I will not lay obstacles or make things difficult for them that it becomes a stumbling block. Sometimes we let rules or policies (which are necessary to have for the sake of orderliness) get the better of us to the point where we become inflexible and in turn kills the excitement of a brother or sister who is eager to share God's goodness to others. Why be so rigid when we know by going an extra mile to accommodate this sibling, the larger body of Christ will be edified? I think it is okay occasionally to break or bend some rules made by man for the sake of being supportive to someone else's ministry.

Today I have been reminded of something which I am sometimes guilty of - never get personal or show prejudices against someone when there is something that you do not like or cannot accept about that individual. Many times we let the flaws of someone get the better of us that it is tough to accept that person. Have we ever realised that we too have our shortcomings and surely we do not want our friends or others to use that as a weapon to put us down, right? If that is so, then why are we doing it against others?

I have a confession to make. I went out with a few younger siblings-in-Christ last night to spend some time with a sister who will be leaving us very soon for overseas studies. While in the car, we were talking about a few people and suddenly I joined in and started saying a couple of negative things against a sibling-in-Christ which I now feel I should not have done so. What do I gain by making those remarks? I was the oldest in the group and yet I set such a lousy example to the younger ones which in my heart I wish others will not do it to me.

Gossips are to be thrown out of our lives. If the negative things we say about someone are not for the correction or building of that person, then just keep the comments to ourselves and not let this cause us to sin against God.

Mere talk about someone without resolution is gossip; but constructive talk about someone with the desire to build him up is edification.

I am very sleepy now. I shall end here. May the Lord and all whom I have offended forgive me - I am still "Work in Progress."

To God be the glory for guiding me in the photography task.

"A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much." Proverbs 20:19

"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." Proverbs 11:13

Hold Fast To The Lord

I am now in church. I just had dinner. I went down to buy food for two other persons. The whole afternoon I have been here - had to attend a meeting which I am thankful to the Lord for as it has thrown some light to the matter that I am looking into pertaining to the Missions Ministry. Well, the road ahead is still quite long but I shall press on and trust that the Lord will lead and guide me accordingly.

I woke up early to collect some health supplements from a dear brother-in-Christ. As he was finishing his shift soon, I had to quickly catch him before he left for home. He offered to send them to me personally but I felt it was not right to request from him the supplements and still expect him to deliver them to my place. Anyway, I treated him to breakfast as a token of my appreciation. We had a great time of fellowship - talking about our lives, our struggles, mum, and church ministries.

I praise the Lord for this dear friend as he has been there for my family especially when he heard about mum's cancer. He has also been helping me obtain supplements at a good deal whenever I need them.

When I was sharing with my friend about some burdens I have been carrying, he encouraged me to hold fast to the faith I have in the Lord. He was telling me burdens are sometimes good to carry for a while because ultimately when it is lifted off me (when the Lord feels that it is time to do so), the feeling is really great. The sudden lightness will propel me to thank the Lord for the journey travelled and to cherish the lessons learnt. He reminded me that God does not torture His children, He is just nurturing them. Food for thought for me.

I ran some errands after that - I wanted to donate blood after meeting my friend but when I went to the blood bank I was told I am not due yet for the next donation.

I am feeling quite lousy today - cannot really pinpoint why. Maybe it is a combination of a few things. Then I was reminded again to be joyful in the Lord always. I was in the toilet just now - I looked at myself in the mirror, adjusted my cheeks and lips to a smiling position. I think I look better smiling than sulking. I shall heed the Lord's advice and find joy even when it is tough at times. :)

Anyway, I shall end here. This weekend is basically filled up with wedding photography assignments for a brother-in-Christ's wedding. I am quite stressed by this as I always fear the pictures will not turn out fine. I pray the Lord will just help me along tomorrow and on Sunday.

Well, thanks be to God for everything that happened today.

"The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul. It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him." Deuteronomy 13:3b-4