My Plea To All Parents

Last Sunday, my Pastor-in-Charge shared an illustration in her sermon about her classmate, during the release of the 'O' Level examinations results, running to her father in happiness after she got a B for one of her papers and As for the rest. Instead of the father sharing her joy, he chided his daughter because of that one B. My Pastor saw how devastated her friend was when that remark was made.

I could identify with the above example because I was in the same shoes as that girl - not like the good results she had though. As I have shared in my previous blogs, mum liked to pick on the poor scores I attained for a paper when many times I have done pretty well in others. She would then put me down.

This week I heard of a similar incident where someone I know is also being put down by one of her parents just because she failed one paper and pull through the rest. Remarks were made like how disappointed the parent was; how the parent wish this friend of mine would wake up; that she should be like the rest of her friends who pulled through; etc.

Yes, I cannot deny the fact that parents always desire for their children to excel in what they do but in order to help them reach that goal, they should not be so insensitive as to put their children down just because along the way they faced a setback. I know parents meant well. As much as they have good intentions in making certain remarks to their children, they must also consider the psychological effect those words can have on their kids.

Why put their own flesh and blood down when parents can actually affirm their children in the rest of the papers they pulled through?

Is it because parents are trying to protect their own reputations by not losing face to their friends whose children had done better? Is it because parents could not achieve a goal they had been pursuing in their younger days hence they are now imposing their ambitions on their children? Is it because parents see their children as investments hence they want to reap the returns as soon as possible?

Speaking as a child of my parents, I hope all fathers and mothers would stop and think first before they start making hurtful remarks to their children. I also hope that parents would accept the uniqueness of their children and not compare them with their friends' children - some children will take a longer route to reach the same goal so walk alongside them as they persevere on. Yes, parents may have spent or have to spend thousands of dollars in their children's education but do not see them as commodities or shares or bonds where you quickly want to reap returns. Be patient and you will see the results in due time.

I know parents when reprimanding their children hope their words would wake the ideas of their kids up - sometimes it may work but there are also times when it does not. That is why we read or know of some children rebelling against their parents; of kids falling into depression and some committing suicide; of kids suffering from a stroke; of children growing up to be like their parents imposing the same pressures on their own children and the vicious cycle goes on.

Perhaps parents should see the strengths of their children and help them choose a course which suits them and not one which may be popular or could help them earn a bigger salary in future.

Of course children themselves need to assess whether their study methods have been effective; to ask their teachers or course-mates or parents when they are in doubt of the subjects they are studying; etc.

I felt led to write this because my heart is burdened for both parents and their children. The world may breathe down on every one's throat that paper qualification is vital for one's survival in the society but please do not let this cause a family unit to break up or cause a life to be destroyed.

I guess that is all I want to share. Have a restful and pleasant weekend!

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4

Living As God's Child

It is almost a month since mum suffered a stroke. As I look back over the weeks, which have been traumatic for every one at home, I asked myself whether I have acted in faith with regard to how I dealt with the situation so far. All I can say is this - I could have done better. One comfort I have over this reflection is that God has always been in charge regardless of how I reacted badly to certain circumstances.

Yesterday's sermon by the Senior Pastor challenged me to deal with difficult matters differently and to always affirm when I am in contact with people (be in at home, in church, at work, or even in the streets).

After I have heard the message delivered, I prayed and asked God to help me do one thing - to give me the courage to act differently when I deal with the current situation at home. I want to carry myself in such a way where my actions (be it in word or deed) will always channel my family's eyes on God in everything we do.

Yes, my mum is still struggling to walk properly, her bowel movement is still a problem, her face is a bit droopy - no matter what I will struggle with her by praying and also reading God's Word with her.

Yes, my grandma has been badly affected by mum's physical condition; her memory is failing her; she can be a pain at times when she keeps calling me on the phone - no matter what I will affirm her by showing my love towards her, holding her hands when she feels alone; giving her my time even when I sometimes do not feel like doing so (due to the many things I have to handle); and praying with her.

Yes, my dad has been exhausted from travelling to and from the hospital; he sometimes loses his temper and can be unreasonable at times; sometimes it is just so difficult to penetrate through his inner being - no matter what I will continue to be patient with him; to show my love and concern for him; and to be by his side even though he may not want to talk.

Yes, my brother has been affected too; sometimes he distants himself away from the family - no matter what I will continue to be a brother to him by opening myself up to him first; to pray for him especially his salvation; and to let him know that we can pull through this time of trial together.

Well, it is always easy to write what I hope to do but when put into practice, it is another story altogether. I pray I will keep persevering till I am able to do what is right and pleasing in God's sight.

Surely God has allowed mum's stroke to happen for a reason - perhaps to strengthen the faith of my parents, grandma and I; to show my brother that God heals; to bring the family closer as a unit. If that is really the purpose, then surely I will work towards it.

Anyway, I still have not recovered fully from two days of wedding coordination. Praise God though that all went well - both at the church service and also the banquet. I am so happy that the couple enjoyed themselves and pleased with my service. Glory to God! Well, it is always good to see two individuals joined as one before the witnesses of God, their family members and friends.

I guess I shall end here. Time for me to get some work done in the library before I head home.

Have a blessed week ahead!

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:19-27

Step By Step

It has been a long day for me - being in church most of the time, preparing for a wedding of my two siblings-in-Christ over the weekend. Praise God most of the things I have planned to do have been accomplished: the tables and chairs have been arranged; the islands for the lunch reception have been set up by the caterers; the sanctuary is in order; the guests' list in different formats has been printed; all the wedding helpers have been notified about tomorrow's plans; the lighters for the unity candles have been bought; and the pen to be used for the signing of the marriage certificate is prepared and all ready to be used; my file with all the documents is in order.

I just hope I did not forget anything. Haha. Well, we will know tomorrow when the many months of planning is in action!

One thing I have learnt after planning so many weddings is this - no matter how detailed one's planning can be, what will go wrong will go wrong no matter even with the precautionary measures taken. That is why I will leave it to God to guide every one through - I guess the wedding couple and every one who is involved just need to enjoy themselves! :)

In the evening at around 4.45pm, a staff from the church office gave me a lift home as I need to receive mum from the hospital. She has been given permission by the doctors and physio-therapists to come home over the weekend to basically feel her way around the house.

Initially my fears of her not being able to climb up the stairs; of the family members not being able to cope with her physical needs; of not being able to urinate and pass motion; etc are all unfounded. She is coping well and is now sleeping soundly with dad.

What really amazed me was when mum told dad and I not to hold her as she climbed the stairs. With the help of the railings, she pulled herself one step at a time. I prayed for her as she persevered. She managed to reach the third level where my apartment is and came the big welcome of Sasha's tail. Usually Sasha would jump and bark but I think she knows mum is unwell - instead she just jumped and sat next to mum and rested her small little head on mum's lap.

Well, praise God that He has prepared the way and I hope being home, mum will recover even faster - that is of course none of us at home should stress her in any way.

Well, I need to be up early tomorrow. Time for me to sleep.

Have a great and restful weekend, every one!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

God Always Works For The Good!

I have been informed by dad that mum will be allowed home over the weekend. It is basically to let her feel her way around the house and as much as possible, lead as normal a life as possible when she is discharged officially from the hospital.

As much as I am excited to see mum back home, suddenly a fear struck me in the afternoon - how is she going to move around the house since she is still not mobile; what happens if she still cannot urinate and pass motion on her own; can dad and grandma cope since this weekend I am busy coordinating a friend's wedding and my bro is doing his in-camp training?

Then of course, this next thought came to mind - "what bad timing, man!"

As I surrendered the above-mentioned to God, one assurance brought peace to my heart - God will always work for the good of those who love Him! My human wisdom tells me it will be tough for all at home to cope with my mum's coming home and that timing and all are bad but God's assurance is that He can overcome my fears and still make a way for my family and I!

Mum asked me to look around for a walking frame. Initially I was clueless where to buy it. My Pastor-in-charge suggested Salvation Army's Family Thrift Shop; my aunty gave me a couple of contacts; and my sister also got some information. I called the Thrift Shop as it is located near my estate. They have two and I basically asked the staff to reserve them for me. I planned to have a look at them tomorrow morning.

I prayed for God to provide one for me since I need to get it before Friday. Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal just now in the evening, a dear sister-in-Christ gave me a lift home. While I was updating her about mum and mentioning about the walking frame, she said her mum might have one. Immediately this sister-in-Christ called her mother and true enough, the frame is in the store-room. She went all the way to Thomson to collect it and after that gave me a lift home.

I was very touched by the gesture of this sister-in-Christ and I am also grateful to God for answering my prayer. It was not planned that I should get the walking frame from this dear sister but God in His providence, did so through her. Hallelujah!

Well, this serves as a encouragement that God will always be in charge - all I need to do is trust!

Anyway, praise God the wedding rehearsal went pretty well though initially it was messy and there were some hiccups. Again, God will work for the good! :)

I am very very tired. Time to sleep. My back is also killing me - I do not know why exactly.

Good night, world. God is good!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Got Faith Will Heal

This week is going to be a busy one for me - having to look into the health matters of mum and also preparing the wedding of two of my dear siblings-in-Christ.

I feel bad that I have not been able to give my heart and soul to coordinate their wedding due to mum's hospitalisation and also handling matters at home. No matter what, I will try my best to give them my utmost service. May the Lord be the ultimate Wedding Coordinator and that I will just follow His lead as His instrument.

I managed to get a few things done today - in the morning I sent out smses to the wedding helpers regarding tomorrow's wedding rehearsal, bathed my parakeet and doggy; visited mum in the afternoon - prayed with her for a while; met my sister to check out some clothes; had a haircut. When I came home and thought I could rest, I realised the cable TV remote control is spoilt. As I will be busy tomorrow and probably till the end of the week, I decided to go to Plaza Singapura to have the remote control replaced. I thought I had better do it today when I am freer and also to let dad watch the TV with it.

Mum seems to be doing better these few days. Praise God! She is still not able to walk properly on her own but today she was able to bathe on her own. She still has difficulty urinating and passing motion. As much as I am disheartened to hear that, I have decided to channel all my energy to pray for her complete healing.

Grandma is more stable since my last prayer note to my church's Prayer Net. I pray God will continue to give her peace and assurance that He is in the process of healing mum and that all will be well in His time.

I shall end here. Thanks be to God for His goodness!

"Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:14-16

Whatever Is In My Hand

I had a refreshing time spent with a few brothers-in-Christ in my accountability group. We met in the morning to have breakfast and to catch up with one another regarding our lives' adventures.

I am blogging now in church as I did not want to go home and later go out again. I have decided not to visit mum today as well - just basically to be away from the hospital for one day and be refreshed by doing other things.

In the course of our sharing, what impressed upon my heart was what this dear brother shared about how God can use whatever is in our hands powerfully and for His purpose. This is in context of how sometimes we feel inadequate or ill-equipped for something we desire to do which then makes us discouraged and at the end of it all, give up.

Two examples on the above-mentioned. When Moses was called by God to lead the people out of Eqypt, he felt inadequate but God used the staff in Moses' hand to show him that He can use whatever is in Moses' hand for His purpose. That simple piece of wood became a tool to remind Moses of how God would provide for him if he obeys His calling.

The other incident was how the disciples had to feed the five thousands. When Jesus asked them to find food for the people, the disciples were lost as to how it can be done. In the end God showed them His provision and power by using whatever is in the disciples' hands - the five loaves and two fish - and multiplied them in such an abundance that even after the tummies of the five thousands are filled, there were still balance.

God can use whatever is in our hands for His work and purpose. Sometimes we use our human wisdom to the point where it scares us or prevents us from doing His work. At the end of it all, we need to be mindful that God is great and His grace is sufficient for all. We, as His people, can do all things through Him who gives us strength.

Well, this revelation serves as an encouragement to me during this time when I have to deal with so many things but with limited strength and resources. I must remind myself that God is my well and surely His will never run dry.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Preserve My Family, Lord

I spoke to the doctor regarding the scan mum had yesterday. Her initial blood clot is diminishing but they found another one. It is much smaller though. So far mum is neurologically stable but the doctors will monitor her and also increase the medication to eradicate the new problem.

Surprisingly I was calm when I heard the news. Maybe because I was too tired to react. Anyway, I shall not jump the gun unnecessarily and trust that God is still in control and in the process of healing mum completely, if He so wills.

Lately I am concerned for grandma. I think mentally she is not doing too well. She will occasionally go into this mode of self-pity and start thinking that her loved ones are deserting her. She created such a big hoo-hah this morning that my brother and I were affected. I pray that God will continue to preserve her mental state and allow her to find peace in Him.

After visiting mum, I went to Starbucks in town with my sister - I did some work for the Leaders Planning Day this Saturday and also to prepare some stuff for the year-end mission trips; my sister did her course work.

It is always refreshing to be away from home and hospital. I just need to get out of those places to maintain my sanity.

Anyway, I shall go sleep soon as I have to meet my accountability group early in the morning.

Good night, all.

Slowly But Surely

I shall keep this short as I am tired.

Mum looks better today. I had a short chat with the doctor. He updated me that the muscles/nerves around mum's left side of the face have been affected by the stroke. It may not be the same as before but they will try their best to not let it deterioriate further by giving her medication. He parallel this condition to that of the aftermath of an earthquake.

Anyway, mum complained to me yesterday that she is sick of the hospital food. This morning, I went to brew chicken soup for her. I could tell that she enjoyed it when I served the soup to her. She was happily slurping it.

Well, I pray God will continue His healing process on mum and may He also sustain all in the family as we walk alongside mum towards the road to recovery.

My Help Comes From The Lord

I visited mum in the afternoon and was concerned for her inability to urinate and pass motion. She tried very hard to do them naturally when a nurse brought her to the toilet but could not. In the end a catheter had to be used to help her discharge the waste.

My heart went out to her when I saw how she was trying her best to do the above-mentioned which are so easy for a healthy individual. To know that she could do this about a week and a half ago (before she had her stroke) pains me even more.

Again I felt so helpless. All I could do was to ask God to help her. Tears just rolled down when I could not take it anymore. As I did not want mum to be affected by my reaction to her suffering, I excused myself to somewhere quiet to pray and ask God for His mercy and grace upon her.

Dad told me he is feeling tired. I asked him to go home and rest but he said he will stay with mum till evening. I can see how exhausted he has been since mum's admission. When I was praying, I asked God to give dad extra strength so that he can pull through this difficult period.

I am blogging this in the library as I needed to go somewhere quiet to gather my thoughts. It can be quite depressing going home lately - every one is down; even my doggy is sad - she has been sleeping on my parents' bed, the side where mum usually lies on. Whenever I tried to explain to her what happened to mum and where she is now, Sasha would just droop her head and look at me talk to her. I am so tempted to just smuggle her into the hospital because mum misses her loads too.

Anyway, I shall stop here, pack up and go home. I still have to face reality and try to move on with life.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

Press On!

Though today is Mother's Day, it did not feel like one because mum is in hospital. Grandma was also in no mood to celebrate. Anyway, after church I went with my sister to visit mum. We brought along carrot cake and also a stalk of sunflower to cheer mum up a little. She liked the cake though she could only take half a slice. It made her day, I guess, because she said she is sick of the yucky food that the hospital is serving - basically porridge, minced vegetables and meat.

We prayed with mum and just before we left, I gave mum a peck on her forehead - one that I have not given for a real long time. I hope that will bring a little sunshine into her life.

I am glad I attended the 11.15am service. I was actually hesitating as I did not want to go to the hospital too late and miss the window of the visiting hours. Anyway, I decided to just attend.

I found it hard to mouth the words of the praise songs being sung and when the worship leader asked the congregation to pray for the mothers present in the Worship Hall, I walked out for a moment to pray for mum somewhere else.

The sermon hit hard when the Assistant Pastor shared about the need for all Christians to press on in all they do regardless of the situation they are in. As much as I agreed with his exhortation, I also cannot deny that it can be quite tough at times when one is in a situation like mine. As I reflected on the message, one key point for an individual to be able to press on is the need for him to let go. At least the burdens he is carrying does not weigh him down.

I will continue to grapple with the above thoughts and allow God to work in my life.

Mum seems more alert today. Dad and grandma are also well. Praise God. I am praying as physio-therapy sessions commence again tomorrow that God will give mum the strength to persevere no matter how tough the going may be.

Anyway, being with friends in the evening for dinner also help to refresh me. Praise God for the time spent fellowshipping over dinner.

Time to sleep soon.

I do not know how this new week is going to be but I shall try to look forward to the challenges ahead. May God be my strength and motivator as I venture through each day.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:12-16

Praise God For His Sustenance

I have to deal with not one but three sick family members today. One is mum, the other is dad (who suddenly had a high fever again when he went to visit mum at the hospital) and the third person was grandma (who had a spell of giddiness and throbbing headache).

Dad was not allowed entry into the hospital. He went home and rested instead. I just took his temperature and it is back to normal again. Grandma seemed fine in the evening when I saw her.

I have to admit I almost threw in the towel when I had to deal with the above-mentioned. I just felt overwhelmed suddenly when I became anxious that dad and grandma are not as strong as before. With mum's sudden stroke, I think it affected them badly. If my brother and I are already badly shaken by it, why not grandma and dad. There was a point I just wanted to scream when I was in the ward but thank God, He controlled me.

Anyway, I quickly messaged a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ to pray for me. I felt better after a while. I spent some time praying for mum. I also read her a verse from Philippians 4:13 to remind her that she can do all things through Christ who gives her strength. I needed to tell her that so that she can cling on to the hope that she is not fighting this battle towards recovery alone.

I felt sad when I left the hospital because I realised tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am wondering how I can make it a happy one for mum and grandma though I know deep down they will not be in the mood to celebrate. Perhaps just being there for them would be enough after I prayed about it.

Well, I am drained again but I want to watch the Liverpool-West Ham match later - hopefully I will have the energy to watch all the way.

All thanks and praise to God for pulling me through thus far.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Rolling Back My Burdens On God

I went to visit mum this afternoon. She seemed more alert but still feeling weak. She told me that the physio-therapists at the centre are good, helping her to gain back her sense of balance and also to strengthen her limbs. I encouraged her to try to remember all that she has learnt and to use the exercise techniques when she is back at the ward.

Once in a while, mum would go into this mode of listlessness. I had to call her a few times just to get her attention. My sister and I prayed with her. Hopefully in doing so, the peace of God will rest upon her as she struggles through this period.

What pains my heart is this 180-degree turn of event where last week she was totally fine and now she needs the assistance of others to do the simplest of things which many times we take for granted.

Mum and I have never been close but I still feel deeply for her. I guess that is the bond between a mother and child which can never be broken even though one is distant from the other. As much as I would like to run away from what had happened recently, I know this is one adventure which I have to run with mum.

I was sharing some general thoughts on my Facebook and one thing I wrote was this heaviness that my heart is feeling since yesterday, I cannot really pin-point the cause/reason. Probably it is a combination of reasons.

A timely message came from a dear brother-in-Christ who reminded me to roll back my burdens on God for He will gladly bear the load if I let Him to. I guess it is something I am trying to do but not easy. I hope in time to come I will be able to surrender all.

After the visit, I decided to come to church just to be away from home for a while to catch a breather. I think I need to do that occasionally just so that I will not be choked up.

Well, I shall end here for now. I am feeling quite tired - last night I just could not sleep, tossing and turning, with loads of thoughts in my mind. I pray tonight I will be able to sleep better.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Resting In God Alone

Mum has been transferred to the Tan Tock Seng Hospital's Rehabilitation Centre this afternoon to undergo a two to four-week physio-therapy treatment. She will be warded during this period. What burdened me was how she suddenly became weak when she arrived at the centre in Ang Mo Kio. Her blood pressure also shot up and she became very listless when the doctor examined her.

It pained my heart when I saw her so frail. She has always been a strong woman but now seeing mum in this state just makes me feel so helpless.

Dad is unwell too, running a fever which was quite high in the afternoon. I just took his temperature - thank God it is lower now. I hope he is fine. He always keeps things to himself so I cannot really tell whether he is okay or not. I am praying God will give me the discernment so that I know how to encourage him

I feel exceptionally burdened today - my heart weighs like a ton. As my blog title states yesterday, I think life will not be the same again at home but it is my prayer that it will be for the better though now I cannot see how it will be so. I want to cry but I cannot seem to - I just feel very choked up.

I think I am still trying to handle matters at home with my own strength and understanding. I pray I will learn to let go - placing my burdens on God's throne of grace (as reminded to me by my sister) and allowing Him to work in the family. It is tough I have to admit but I will try.

I am tired again. I shall try to sleep soon and hope tomorrow will be a better for all in the family.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Life Has Changed... But Will Be For The Better!

The doctor monitoring mum's medical condition called me in the afternoon to inform me that it would be beneficial for mum to undergo a rehabilitation programme at Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital for two weeks. It is basically to allow her limbs to be strengthened and also to help her live a normal life again. I am for the idea and it is my prayer that the two-week stay will restore her.

Just now while I was having lunch, it dawned upon me that life at home will never be the same again as in more care and attention need to be given to mum. I also know that grandma is very much affected by this. My brother and I could tell that she has not been herself lately and that she gets anxious easily. Sometimes it gets on our nerves when she keeps repeating the same question as in whether mum is alright but I had to remind ourselves that we need to be patient and constantly affirm her. Dad is also quite lost at times.

When I was on my way home from grocery-shopping, I asked God to be gracious and merciful to my family. It pains my heart to see every one affected. I have to admit that my energy has been sapped and I can only depend on God's strength now to carry me through. As mentioned in my previous blogs, having to take care of three elderly members at home is no joke and this time I am feeling it at its peak. Sometimes I wish I can run away from it but I know I cannot - I guess I have to deal one matter at a time. I also need wisdom and discernment when decisions need to be made.

My pilgrim's journey is at one of its most gruelling stage but I hope I will pass the test when I cross the end point of this particular adventure. At the moment I am weak but I hope I will be a stronger person at the end of it all.

To God be the glory!

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

When Advice Falls On Deaf Ears

I do not know why God allows so many things to happen in my family lately. Just about 5 minutes ago, while I was doing my work in the room, I heard like someone falling in the living room. I rushed out and found dad on the floor near my doggy's cage.

I quickly rushed to help him up. Praise God he is not injured in any way. I asked him whether he slipped or felt light-headed. He said it was the former. I hope he is speaking the truth. I went to check the refrigerator and I still find a bottle of Sprite in it - a clear sign that dad is still drinking fizzy drinks. I do not know how else to advise him.

Sometimes I feel that he should be hit with something bad in order for him to learn but obviously I do not want that to happen as it will be too late. Prevention is better than cure definitely but in dad's case, I am still praying for God to give me words clear enough for him to understand.

Anyway, I went to see mum in the afternoon. I was glad to see her smiling and able to joke with dad and all. She seems more alert and she was able to get out of bed on her own though she is not allowed to walk on her own yet. I guess the physio-therapy is helping.

I wanted to do some work either at the library or cafe after the visit to the hospital but I had a bout of diarrhoea. I decided to head home to purge and rest. Thank God I am better now.

I shall stop here.

Why Are You So Downcast, O My Soul?

All the things that have been happening at home are causing a lot of stress for me. Sometimes I feel very choked up. Not only have I to deal with mum's ill-health, I have to also handle grandma who becomes unnecessarily concern over every single thing. This irks my brother and he would just flare up at her. When I tried to mediate, grandma thinks every one is going against her and then she dwells into self-pity. I am basically hit with a road-block and of course it affects me because every one at home is dear to me and to see things happening as it is, I am just so exhausted emotionally and mentally!

Sometimes I just do not want to stay at home but of course running away from it does not help as the concerns are still in my mind. They basically bug me everywhere I go. Many times I cried out to the Lord but He seems so far away. How I wish He could just answer me immediately but this is not so all the time.

Dad has been affected as well. Sometimes his mind seems to wonder away. It is hard to connect with him though I am trying very hard to do so.

Anyway, as much as I am overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that I cannot handle this with my own strength. I have to depend very much on God to help me though I have to admit it is easier said than done. Sometimes I feel that I will be the next person to get a stroke but I ask of God's mercy and grace to not let this happen for the sake of every one else at home.

I do not know what the road ahead will be - sometimes thinking about it scares me but that is based on my human understanding. I guess I have to remind myself to take everything one step at a time and be conscious of God's presence in my life to show me all the possibilities in dealing with matters at home.

I thought I blog the above thoughts as I need to discharge them somewhere. I cannot keep them in me for I know I will just blow up one day.

I shall stop here for now and perhaps go for a walk.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42

God's Grace Is Always Sufficient!

My initial suspicion of mum suffering from a stroke came true when dad called, while I was in service, to inform me that the diagnosis was a minor stroke. When I heard that, I praise God that it was once again detected early as with the first one she had a couple of years ago.

I went to see mum in the afternoon. She looked better compared to yesterday. She was able to speak properly and was alert to my presence when I entered the ward. She will be warded for a few more days as the doctor needs to medicate her and also to ensure that she is strong enough to be discharged.

I shall stop here as I am sleepy. A lot of thoughts are running in my mind - I shall share them soon once I have reflected on them.

Good night, everyone. Have a blessed week ahead!

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Think Possibilities; Think God

In a period of two days, I have been to two different Accident & Emergency (A&E) Departments - one in Changi General Hospital (GCH) last night and the other in Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) this afternoon. Both visits were to bring mum for immediate treatment - last night, she felt giddy and nauseous at a friend's house and this afternoon she experienced breathlessness and weakness of her body.

Her friends decided to send her to GCH as they were all in the East. Dad and I were notified about mum's condition and we rushed over to the hospital. The doctor did not see the need to admit mum after examining her. After about 4 hours of observation, we brought mum home. By the time it was already past 2.00am.

She looked okay this morning when I left the house but at around two plus in the afternoon when I was leaving my good friend's son's first-month party, I got a call from home informing me that an ambulance has been called to bring mum to the hospital.

My sister, who was with me when I received the call from my cousin, fetched me home. By the time we arrived, the ambulance has left already. I quickly dumped my bag at home and my sister and I tailed the ambulance to the A&E Department. She left with her sister and niece while I accompanied dad who went with the ambulance.

Due to the Influenza A (H1N1) flu, the hospital implemented a one-visitor-per-patient rule. I decided to let dad accompany mum while I waited at the holding area. Never did I know that I had to wait for more than 6 hours for the doctor to observe mum's condition.

I was bored to death. To break that boredom, occasionally I would walk around the hospital compound; visit the foodcourt to buy myself a drink; and stand outside the holding area to observe the number of ambulances bringing sick individuals or accident patients.

It was sad to see some serious cases where the medical staff had to rush the patients to the treatment room. I also concluded that it is not safe to ride a motor-bike in Singapore. The number of accident victims brought in were motorcyclists.

I also witnessed a trolley transporting a dead body to the mortuary. It was covered with a canvas sheet.

The above-mentioned brought to mind mum's condition. As I kept thinking about it, anger began to build up from within me. I was angry with mum for not taking her evening dosage of medicine regularly; for not bringing the insulin with her when she goes out; for not controlling her diet in the past one week as she had for two buffet-dinner appointments to celebrate her birthday with friends; for quarrelling with grandma over petty stuff (which definitely added to the stress in her).

Of course I was angry with grandma too for also picking fights with mum and then go on a cold-war for a few days. Now that mum is unwell, grandma gets worried.

The frustration then leads on to dad for not controlling mum's diet even after I made it clear to all at home that mum needs to watch what she eats; for his habit of drinking fizzy drinks which contain lots of sugar.

The above last three paragraphs were just loads of anger, disappointments and frustrations! Of course I also became worried. Firstly, for mum because I did not know whether her condition is serious and life-threatening. Secondly, for grandma because she called me in the evening to say that she wanted to go Yishun to buy dinner which to me was weird. She also told me she felt a little giddy. As I had to handle mum's health matters, I messaged one of my cousins to keep a look-out for grandma that she does not do stupid stuff. Lastly, I also got worried for dad. When my sister dropped us off from the hospital, dad suddenly made a few comments which were totally incoherent. Then he regained his composure and remarked that those comments were weird.

I shared with my pastor-in-charge and another dear brother-in-Christ that I am tired from having to take care of three old folks at home. I am not complaining - just that it is taking a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. Spiritually I am a little affected as I was questioning God why so many things must happen at the same time. No answers yet.

Anyway, I shall seek God again as to what He wants me to learn out of all these struggles. I sure hope I will be a stronger person after that. I also submitted my anger, disappointments, frustrations, fears, anxieties and tiredness to God.

I am very sleepy. I cannot go on writing anymore.

A big thank-you to those of you who have prayed for mum and my family. I still covet your prayers.

Good night, all. God is still good and His love still endures forever!