A scary thought just came to mind - I may soon die of a heart attack. I am not kidding because this kind of thing is nothing to joke about. I came home, tired and what I saw was this pile of creased up clothes. Though I needed to get a few other things done, I decided to get the ironing over and done with first.
On top of that, many things are calling out to my attention - at work, top management expects my team to meet deadlines (some running concurrently) for the sake of getting the organisation going; in church, I have been told to handle some matters pertaining to the personal needs of few individuals who have made plans which require immediate actions; at home, I have to meet the needs of grandma, mum and dad.
My chest is feeling tight, my head is a little light, my diarrhoea is still there and I am very sleepy because I only arrived home from work at three this morning and left for office again at 7am. Who is going to meet my needs then? I know God is and I am thankful that He is - otherwise I would have collapsed long time ago. But really? Who has ever spared a thought for me in what I am going through now?
It does not help when I received remarks from people (mainly friends) that I should not be experiencing burnt-out syndrome when I have just returned from my sabbatical. It hurts when I hear this - as if one year of being away from work means I have been shaking my legs and eating grapes fed to me by several waiting maids; as if I am not supposed to feel exhausted because I have been perceived to have received one year of rest.
Have any one considered that during that period, I had to deal with mum's cancer; that I have been doing a course; that I have been on an attachment; that I have been giving my time to church to deal with the ministries I have been entrusted with; that I have been spending time with certain individuals, ministering to them? Surely all these require energy!
It is not really a journey that I want to experience but I have to. At the same time, I also need to rest. If not, I cannot go on any further. Will every one be gracious enough for me to do that without telling me that I have to deal with this and that; that I should not rest because I have rested enough for one year?
I am not going to hide my feelings; frustrations; pains; struggles; exhaustion - whatever you may want to call it - on this blog.
As mentioned in the earlier paragraph, I have to do a few things but I am not going to care anymore. I am going to sleep after I am done with this sharing. The top management; the church leaders; my family can penalise me for all they want but I need my rest. I am not a robot. I have reached my limit and I need to recharge.
I know my blog is read by individuals who are both mature and young in their Christian faith; some may not even be Christians... I am not apologetic in what I have written because in this pilgrim's journey that I am on, there are ups and downs and I guess I am in the latter state now. So be it. All I know is this - I will be on my up again after I am rested enough.
Well, I shall leave the worries of tomorrow to tomorrow. What I am going to do now (today; tonight) is lie on my comfortable single-size bed and sleep!
Good night, world!
"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23
On top of that, many things are calling out to my attention - at work, top management expects my team to meet deadlines (some running concurrently) for the sake of getting the organisation going; in church, I have been told to handle some matters pertaining to the personal needs of few individuals who have made plans which require immediate actions; at home, I have to meet the needs of grandma, mum and dad.
My chest is feeling tight, my head is a little light, my diarrhoea is still there and I am very sleepy because I only arrived home from work at three this morning and left for office again at 7am. Who is going to meet my needs then? I know God is and I am thankful that He is - otherwise I would have collapsed long time ago. But really? Who has ever spared a thought for me in what I am going through now?
It does not help when I received remarks from people (mainly friends) that I should not be experiencing burnt-out syndrome when I have just returned from my sabbatical. It hurts when I hear this - as if one year of being away from work means I have been shaking my legs and eating grapes fed to me by several waiting maids; as if I am not supposed to feel exhausted because I have been perceived to have received one year of rest.
Have any one considered that during that period, I had to deal with mum's cancer; that I have been doing a course; that I have been on an attachment; that I have been giving my time to church to deal with the ministries I have been entrusted with; that I have been spending time with certain individuals, ministering to them? Surely all these require energy!
It is not really a journey that I want to experience but I have to. At the same time, I also need to rest. If not, I cannot go on any further. Will every one be gracious enough for me to do that without telling me that I have to deal with this and that; that I should not rest because I have rested enough for one year?
I am not going to hide my feelings; frustrations; pains; struggles; exhaustion - whatever you may want to call it - on this blog.
As mentioned in the earlier paragraph, I have to do a few things but I am not going to care anymore. I am going to sleep after I am done with this sharing. The top management; the church leaders; my family can penalise me for all they want but I need my rest. I am not a robot. I have reached my limit and I need to recharge.
I know my blog is read by individuals who are both mature and young in their Christian faith; some may not even be Christians... I am not apologetic in what I have written because in this pilgrim's journey that I am on, there are ups and downs and I guess I am in the latter state now. So be it. All I know is this - I will be on my up again after I am rested enough.
Well, I shall leave the worries of tomorrow to tomorrow. What I am going to do now (today; tonight) is lie on my comfortable single-size bed and sleep!
Good night, world!
"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23
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