Pilgrim's Journey At One Of Its Lows

Sometimes I wish others can be more understanding and discerning to my struggles as much as I am also learning to be so to them. It is even more painful to know that these persons are ones whom I hold dear to in my heart.

Situations between dad and I have not improved. He is still behaving in a manner as if all these while I am the one in the wrong. What have I done wrong when what I did was to advise him to watch his diet which he has not been doing so lately? Is it not right to care for his physical well-being when records of his glucose level have not been ideal?

Anyway, as much as I know what I should do as a Christian, we are not on talking terms and I guess I will leave it as that for now. In the past whenever we had conflicts I would be the first to seek reconciliation regardless of whether I am in the right or wrong but I feel this time round I will stay put and not make any move.

Though I want to, I shall not let this act of reconciliation be seen as an avenue where he will continue to abuse it. I also do not want this to be seen as a weakness. Otherwise it will dilute the whole idea of restoration of relationships.

It is a lousy feeling but I shall stand firm on my decision.

Another incident today also kind of affected me. I was supposed to have a meal with someone whom I am close with as I wanted to share something which I am hoping the person can pray for me before I leave for my London trip tomorrow. Without informing me, this dear sibling brought some friends along. Yes, though I did not inform this person that I have something to share but I felt that I should be informed of the added company.

Lately, my pilgrim's journey has been in shambles because of the struggles I am facing at home. I am not complaining that I have to deal with these matters but sometimes they can be overwhelming. All these have of course affected the other areas of my life and also certain plans I have in mind. It is frustrating but I pray that God will help me find ways to cope.

That is why I am looking forward to my trip as I need to go somewhere away from home to catch a breather, reorganise and be refreshed. It is long overdue. I hope God will guide me along in the next nine days.

Well, I hope I have not stumbled anyone during this period of mess in my life.

Looking forward to getting my life back on track again.

Lord, Help Me To Continue To Love

I am very angry! Yes, you did not read wrong. I am super angry with dad for always provoking others who have been showing care and concern toward him. It was a supposed routine check of his blood glucose level and in the process of doing that I asked him whether he has been eating the new year goodies because they have depleted quite a bit since the last time I checked. I know no one else at home would eat them as they do not really like such stuff. Only dad is the one who usually munches them.

When I asked him, he started showing his colours and made remarks which caused me to raise my voice a little. When I did that he said I was being rude and that I should show more respect to him. When I heard that, I got angrier. In front of him, I gathered all the new year goodies and threw them into the dustbin.

I'd rather wasting these tidbits than to see dad having another relapse.

It hurts when you show love and care for someone dear to you and in return they do not appreciate them.

I will show respect to every one but when it is being abused I will speak my peace regardless of whether you are my elder or not. Respect is not a right; it has to be earned.

Anyway, I need to share this out - if not I will just explode.

I will spend some time in quiet with God and hope He will help me simmer down.

Wit's End Or Not, God Is There

Sometimes I am at my wit's end as to how to take care of my elderly parents and grandma. When I tell them something which is supposed to be beneficial for their physical well-being, they would react with a "do-not-tell-me-what-to-do" look.

As I have feared for dad not being able to control his diet during the Lunar New Year period by eating all the sweet tidbits for guests, I warned him to watch what he eats and drinks. As I cannot be there all the time to observe his every move, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Well, this afternoon I took his blood glucose level and it was a whopping 15.5mmol/L. Suspecting that he has been keeping mum about his diet, I probed and he confessed that he has been eating the tidbits.

At that point, I just did not know whether I should raise my voice in disapproval or just give up because this "do-not-tell-me-what-to-do" attitude is quickly killing him! Maybe he should get another stroke just to further wake up his idea!

It is just so draining. Grandma is also going through a tough time lately as her gum is giving her a lot of pain. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night groaning in pain. She went to see the doctor just now and has been prescribed some medication to counter the discomfort, I really pray God will heal her.

I do not know how long I can last handling all these old-age issues at home but I guess I have to trust God to help the family go through this transition where more than half the family is no more as independent as before.

I need to be more patient though sometimes it is just so tough but for the sake of every one, I guess I have to.

Man, I thought working is tough... taking care of old folks at home is tougher. Just handling matters at home has taken a lot of my time off to concentrate on other commitments I have, like the ministries in church and my plans for the future. I simply have no more energy to do other

things.

Though my journey so far has been tiring, I am not going to give up on my family just because three of them are well along in years. I just need to learn how to cope and I trust that God will teach me along the way.

I need to breathe and I am looking forward to my short trip to London next Friday. I wish it could have been a longer trip but I guess I need to be thankful that God is giving me this opportunity to take a break.

Well, the Lunar New Year has been quite tiring, having to entertain the many relatives who popped over but it was a great time spent with them. In some of the new year greetings I sent to friends, I encouraged them to make Jesus known to the relatives and friends whom they are visiting. I have been doing that by praying for them and letting them know that I will continue to pray for them. Well, just wanting to plan the seed first and allow God to work the rest.
I shall end here.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:35 & 37

Bless Someone This Lunar New Year!

First of all, a blessed Lunar New Year to all the Chinese and a Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I was contemplating whether to blog because it has been a long day for me yesterday. I had to run some errands in the morning; cook for last night's reunion dinner; bathe my Peach-Face Love-Bird and Silky Terrier; and then do a major mopping of the whole house and also other small little areas which need some clean-up.

My fingers are all wringled up; my back is aching; my skin is a little itchy (probably from contact with detergents of all sorts); my nose sniffing from too much dust flying around; and knees a little painful due to my osteo-arthritis. Haha. Yes, getting old is it!

Anyway, I still have to stay awake as I am doing the laundry and waiting for the washing machine to beep so that I can start hanging out the clothes!

I do not know why but this Chinese New Year ("CNY") I was reminded of a sermon preached by my church's assistant pastor (last year, I think) where he encouraged the congregation to bless the relatives and friends whom we are visiting with the love of Jesus and to pray for their household. I guess I am going to do that since this year's CNY coincides with Valentine's Day.

From the past few day's of spring-cleaning, I was also reminded of my life in which it also needs some sprucing up. I guess it is important to spring-clean our lives once in a while so that we can purge all that is unpleasing in the eyes of God and only entertain what is beneficial to our daily pilgrim's journey. I guess this is part and parcel of the sanctification process where we need to deliberately repent from ALL sins in our lives. Of course it does not necessarily always happen overnight but throughout the journey, we need to cast away these sins.

This is a good wake-up call as I have not been diligent in taking care of my walk with the Lord lately. Well, I pray I will begin to let God to take full control of my life again and from there allow Him to mould me as He deems appropriate.

I am still tired physically, emotionally and mentally with my parents and grandma's ill-health but praise the Lord that things are getting better at home. The physio-therapist will be releasing dad sometime next week as dad is able to be independent again after his recent stroke!

God is indeed good! I am still concern for grandma whose memory is failing her quite badly. I am trying as much as I can to affirm her each time she does something right or she could remember something so as to let her know that she is still appreciated. Sometimes I must confess that my patience run short when dealing with her constant forgetfulness but I am trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt and be more sensitive as I know this condition is something she cannot really control.

Mum seems okay and I pray God will continue to sustain her this way.

Well, that said! I am looking forward to a short far-away trip so as to allow me to catch a breather from things at home and also in church as in the ministries I am serving in. Though I am going with a dear brother-in-Christ, I am going to take some time just to go on a personal retreat so as to reflect and evaluate my priorities. May the Lord direct me accordingly and allow this trip to be a refreshing and fruitful one.

Okay, I have blogged enough. I am tired and laundry is almost done!

Good night, world!

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Pilgrim's Journey Still Must Go On

Just took dad's blood glucose test and it registered 14.4mmol/L on the meter. That is cause for concern because it is quite high. Anyway, I prayed for him and hope that the Lord will help bring down the glucose level to a healthier level. I also need to review what he has been eating to ensure that his condition will improve in the next few days.

Since my last blog, it has been about home mainly. It is less tiring but handling home matters still sucks up a considerable amount of my energy which could have been channelled for other areas of my life. I guess those have to wait. Anyway, all thanks to God for sustaining every one at home.

I seriously need a break. By that I mean going away to somewhere far away. It may happen at the end of the month but the plan is not fixed yet. I will be contented with just doing photography. Well, I shall write more when the trip is finalised.

My walk with the Lord can be better and I hope to get back on track again. Lately I have not been able to give my all for the ministries I have committed myself to. I also need to watch the way I carry myself lest I stumble someone if my life is not in check from time to time. It is a struggle because every day I feel exhausted. Haha.

Well, that is all for now. The pilgrim's journey still has to go on! May the Lord be my guide and strength. :)

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." Joshua 1:8

Three Deaths and An Accident

In one day I encountered three cases of death and one major accident involving a warehouse fire.

While I was walking towards the community centre in my estate, I saw a pair of legs sticking out of a police make-shift tent. When I asked one of the passers-by what had happened, I was told that man had a heart attack and died on the spot.

Then when I was in the bus on my way to the hospital to visit dad, I witness a warehouse fire along Upper Serangoon Road. There were several fire engines and ambulances at the scene. I just hope there were no fatalities or serious injuries.

Next was when I arrived at the ward where dad is. I noticed the bed on his left was totally empty (mattress and pillows all removed). Dad told me that the patient passed away in the middle of last night. I have been talking to his family members for the past few days and once in a while I would pray for the elderly patient.

In the afternoon while I was running some errands, I received an email from a dear English missionary to Cambodia informing me that her father had just passed away and the cremation was just two days ago.

Wow! Too many sad news to handle in one day. Once again I was reminded of how fleeting life can be.

Anyway, I just pray that God will bring comfort to the families of these individuals who have passed on. May their hearts be healed in His time.

Dad may be discharged tomorrow. It is not the suggestion of the doctors but dad's. As this is his first time being warded, I guess the death of the patient next to him and the sound of all the equipment around him are just too much for him. It is not confirmed yet that dad can come home. The doctor will inform me tomorrow when he looks at the report of dad's progress.

Well, dad is generally much better compared to the day he was sent to the Accident and Emergency Department. He is now experiencing a very sore throat. His physio-therapist is pleased with his mobility though he still has to be careful when he moves from one spot to another.

My honest opinion is that dad should remain in the hospital for a few more days but if he is unable to rest well because of the surroundings, then I guess it is better to be home. I just have to prepare myself to ensure that he is able to cope well at home without medical care by the professionals.

I should stop here as I am tired. I have been feeling this way the past few days already. Thanks be to God for sustaining the family and I! He is good all the time!!!

Good night, everyone! :)

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

Dad was admitted into hospital this afternoon for stroke. For a man who has never stayed in hospital all his life, being a first came as a surprise to all at home especially when he has been in the pink of health for most of his 76 years except for a short period when he was diagnosed to have mild diabetes, which happened many years ago. This also happened quite suddenly.

He was on his way to church with mum when his legs just lost control and he fell in the bus. This was not the first time as he had experienced that last night - he could not get up after being on the sofa. He managed to after a while but while he was trying to carry my doggy, he fell. He seemed ok before he went to sleep. This morning before I left for church, he looked fine too.

Anyway, my cousin went to pick mum and dad up where the incident happened and I told him to bring dad to the Accident and Emergency Department though dad was adamant that he did not want to. I was told he even shouted at mum for insisting.

I rushed with my sister to Tan Tock Seng Hospital and when my cousin's car arrived, dad could not even alight on his own. His legs were like jelly and I had to carry him out and place him on a wheelchair.

The doctor ran some initial tests and found that his sugar level and blood pressure were high. Dad's right side of the body was affected. A CT scan was also done but could not find any clots. Praise God for that! The medical staff tried to do a MRI but while dad was in the chamber he got so scared that he asked to be brought out. The test was cancelled.

I just received a call from dad - he said he is unable to sleep. I guess it is natural especially in a place he kind of dread to go since he has been there so often when he was taking care of mum while she was recovering from her stroke.

Anyway, I felt super discouraged when I was told of dad's condition in the morning when I got a call from mum. I am still in the midst of recovering from my tiredness when now I have to deal again with another health issue of another family member. I was hoping I will never have to visit a hospital again but I guess not. For a moment I felt angry!

In the evening I spent some time with God and surrendered dad's health to Him. In a moment of silence, God told me this incident is not about me. I guess that was a timely message because this incident is definitely not about me but dad. Yes, it is an inconvenience for me but at the end of it all, it is about dad.

When I was able to grasp that fact, I realised I needed to let go and allow God to do the healing work on my dad in His time. I also told the Lord to use me as a vessel of peace and encouragement to dad. He needs all these now rather than me falling into a state of self-pity and anger. No point wasting my energy on these when it can be channelled to something good for dad.

It was a good time spent as it helped change my perspective.

I am also grateful to the many siblings-in-Christ who have been supporting dad in prayers.

Anyway, I shall end here and get some sleep now. A new day awaits tomorrow and I know God's mercies are new every morning.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him..." Lamentations 3:22-25

Heal The Sick

Towards the late afternoon, I went to Chinatown to buy some toiletries from a shop which mum and I have patronised for years. As I was waiting for the lift, I noticed an elderly woman seated at a bench in the hawker centre. What caught my attention was not her dozing off but her pair of legs. It was so swollen that the size is three times that of a pair of healthy legs.

My heart went out to her and as the lift door closed, I said a prayer of healing for the lady.

I am sharing this because as I am blogging this encounter, channel 8 is featuring a documentary and guess what? It is about the lady.

Apparently she had a fall two years ago and was hospitalised. When she was discharged, apparently she did not take her medication proper. That led to infection of the legs where the swell is due to the accumulation of pus. To make matters worse, the pus oozes out as she walks and it leaves a foul smell.

The documentary also featured her home which the lady refused to let the television crew in as the place was very messy. The neighbours whom the presenter spoke to complained about the smell diffusing from the lady's home and said that the authorities have offered her medical help but she refused.

I do not know whether is it because the lady is too poor to seek medical treatment or she is simply just being stubborn but I pray God will provide a way for the lady.

I think I will try to strike a conversation with her the next time I see her. I am sure there is a reason why God allowed me to encounter her twice in a day.

Anyway, please keep her in your prayers. I cannot remember the name of the lady. I believe God will bring healing. :)

Refresh Me, O God!

I just realised this is my first blog for 2010. Well, sad to say, I have to start it off with a news not that encouraging - I am tired, in all sense of the word. It is just so weird to have to confess this especially when it is only 11 days into the new year.

Eversince I came back from the mission trip last month, I have not been able to rest. I have to nurse a very bad tummy which took almost two weeks to heal. I am sick again and it happened last Thursday. I was down with initially a fever, then the flu... now I still have the flu (worse than before) and on top of that, sore throat and cough.

I really want a break as in perhaps going somewhere far away to just refresh myself (I realised I have not done so for more than three years already) but looking at the number of commitments I have to deal with, I do not know where I can find a slot to do so. Everyone and everything seem to be crying out for my attention.

It comes to a point where I just feel like exploding. In fact, the past few weeks, there were already signs of my exhaustion but I ignored them - I have been feeling frustrated; I have been complaining; I have been judging... today reaches a point where I just cannot take it anymore.

I had to deal with a situation pertaining to my ministry. To me, it was a straight-forward matter but along the way, the issue got worse. When I got a call to ask me to speak to a particular leader direct, I did and my tone was not gracious at all. When I have composed myself, I will find an opportunity to seek forgiveness from the brother-in-Christ.

Yesterday I was rostered to lead in the praise and worship for the 11.15am service. It was by God's grace that everything went well. I say this because last week when I was preparing for it, I did not put in my heart and soul to it. Then of course when I fell ill, it just worsened things.

During the rehearsal, I was just going through the motion and when there were some hiccups and needed ideas to rectify them, my mind was simply a blank.

On Saturday I cried out to the Lord in desperation... I told Him that whatever was going to happen at the service is not about me but Him. I do not want my struggles to be the focus as I am just an instrument. I pleaded with the Lord to make right what was wrong.

God being God, He heard my cries and guided me every step of the way. I was encouraged when I received a few affirmations after the service. All glory to Him!!!

Tomorrow I have two meetings... as much as I do not want to attend them, I prayed and asked the Lord to just help me through them. Anyway, I will share this with one of the pastors soon as I want to account my current struggles with either one of them. I do not want my human limitations to cause anymore persons to be stumbled.

For those of you who are reading my blogs, please keep me in your prayers. I covet that for now.

Time for me to stop here.

Good night, all.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Bye, 2009. Hello, 2010!

It is the eve of the new year. I am now in church, waiting for a youth programme, "Surrender," to begin. It is a time for the youths to come together and evaluate on the year 2009 and for them to surrender their plans for the next year to God.

Time flies that we are now going into the first decade of the millennium which seems to zoom by so quickly.

2009 has been a year of turmoil (not necessarily bad if I may just add) for me - considering what is the next step God wants me to take and to actually obey Him regardless of whether I like the directions He is showing me, which usually are those that stir the comfort zone I have been in.

It has been 11 years since I entered the teaching profession - I have to say they have been wonderful moments especially in the many lives I have encountered each year. As much as I enjoyed being a teacher, there is still a void in me which has been causing me to consider the calling I have received from God many years back (when I was in the Methodist Youth Fellowship) to go into the full-time ministry.

I shelved this idea as I have been advised by my mentors to consider teaching in an academic institution as a mission field. No doubt it has been but after all these years, I felt it is time for me to consider the next step. There is no confirmation as yet but I shall make concrete plans to see how and where God is leading me. The year 2010 will be that period for me to search.

2009 has been a trying year too as I have to handle a lot of issues at home especially mum's health. All thanks and praise to God that she has recovered and is now up and running though I have to caution her once in a while to go easy. I had to also deal with grandma and dad who were very affected but God is always good to see them through their anxieties.

The last few months of this year have not been good for my walk with the Lord as I suddenly felt this sense of tiredness - not to the point of burning out but more so feeling very drained wondering what God wants me to do with my life. A lot of things I have to handle in the Missions Ministry also took up a lot of my energy but praise God the Missions Committee members were there to share the load.

The above-mentioned sometimes led to frustrations and it is obvious especially to those who are closer to me.

Anyway, I am looking forward to the year ahead. Whatever the Lord wants me to go through, I shall do so. I also need to start to get back on track again so that I can listen to God more clearly as I pray; as I read His Word; and as I be still and let Him speak.

I shall end here for now. :)

Have a blessed and adventurous 2010, everyone!!! :)

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

A Short Break I Need

I am now at the airport, waiting to board the plane to Kuala Lumpur to link up with a few friends who drove up to the Malaysian capital this morning. Though it is not a trip to a faraway land, I am still looking forward to a good break after a hectic two weeks of being away in Cambodia and also coordinating two dear friends' weddng which ended this afternoon. In fact it has been a hectic couple of months, having to prepare for three mission/Vacation-With-A-Purpose trips.

Praise the Lord the wedding went as planned. Indeed He is good! I enjoyed myself coordinating the whole event and I am happy that two more friends have tied the knot and now living their lives together as one. May the Lord continue to lead and guide them as they enter this new chapter of their lives.

As always, the parents of the bride asked when it would be my turn and my answer will always be if God so desires me to have a life partner, surely He will show me that someone who shares the same calling in serving the Lord actively. And for those who know me well enough, that also means praying for courage to make the move. I have regretted not doing so not too long ago - though I regret it now but I guess it is a lesson learnt.

Anyway, the mission trip with the youths was good as I got to know each one of them better but out of the 12 of us who went, 11 (including me) came back with suspected food poisoning of varying intensity. I had to see the doctor twice in order for my tummy to get well. Two youths had to be hospitalised as a precautionary measure but praise God they are now discharged and reccovering well.

Of the more than 20 times I have been to Cambodia, this is the worst of them all but God is merciful and good to restore us back almost to full health.

There were a few times during the trip when I wanted to call it quits in leading youth teams because it is a heavy responsibility having to take care of sons and daughters of parents who have painstakingly brought them up to who they are now. Sometimes the fear is there that something might happen to them and I am to be blamed for it.

Anyway, in the end I learnt that God is in charge. With that, I guess I will continue to lead teams up to anywhere in the world so that God's name may be preached to those who have yet to hear of Him.

Well, time for me to end here.

I shall write more soon.

Have a blessed week, everyone! :)

Compassion for My Neighbours

I have been busy the past few weeks that I did not have the time and energy to blog. I decided to do so today - better than never, I guess.

Anyway, on my way back just now, I saw this elderly man standing in front of me. He is probably in his late seventies. Ever had this experience where you see someone and suddenly you feel like crying? Well, that was precisely how I felt. I think he has cataract on both his eyes. He was frail and in his pocket was a slip of paper where the man's particulars were on it. I guess it is to allow strangers or the relevant authorities to send him home should he get lost.

Well, I was quite disappointed that no one in the train offered their seats to him, even for those who were sitting on the "reserved" seats for those who need them most. Anyway, I asked him whether he needed a seat and it was then that I realised the lady behind him was either his daughter or relative. She said it was alright.

As I continued on my journey, I suddenly felt the need to pray for the man. I asked the Lord to restore his sight so that he can see clearly again. I hope my faith in the Lord will cause the man to be healed. I guess I need not see it to believe so I shall leave it to God to do the healing process.

Well, tomorrow onwards I will be seeing more who are like this man when I go to Cambodia on a mission trip with the Youth Ministry team. Sometimes it can be emotionally draining when you see the injustices of this fallen world. I guess I shall channel my disappointment to one of hope as I pray for the Lord to remove the pain and poverty of many around us - our neighbours, those who are in need basically.

I covet the prayers of those who are reading this blog as 11 youths and I spend 6 days in Phnom Penh - these few days may not be enough to change the world but if we can make a difference in at least one person's life, all thanks to God! :)

Time for me to stop here and do some packing.

Till I blog again, the Lord bless and keep you all. :)

"On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live." But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." Luke 10:25-37

Accountability To One Another

Last Sunday I thought my busy week was over but came Monday, I realised it was not to be. Another week has gone by and I should think this new week would be a more breathable one. Haha.

I am now at the airport waiting for the arrival of the mission team from the Women Society of Christian Service ministry. They have been in Cambodia since Thursday- I pray their time spent with the Khmers was a fruitful and ministering one.

It has been a long day for me. After attending the 8.45am service, I went out to have brunch with my sister. It was a merry-go-round for us. We were planning to eat dim sum in the East but the restaurant has closed down. We then headed to the one in the North but realised it was not the branch of the one in the East. In the end, we settled for sushies. :)

Anyway, it was back to church again to prepare for the Youth Ministry Mission Team meeting. We started at 2.00pm with devotion and prayer, followed by a run-through of the activities which we will be doing in Cambodia. After that we practised the magic tricks and balloon-sculpting we learnt in the early phase of the training segment. Before we closed I conducted a security and trip briefing.

By then it was already 5.00pm. I was so tempted to go home and rest for a while but decided against it as I knew then I would not want to go out again. Anyway, I headed for town to run some errands before taking the train to the airport.

I just finished dinner - had pasta at a fusion restaurant and I am now at a cafe waiting for the ladies to leave the baggage area.

Well, yesterday I attended a leaders' training session where it touched on accountability. I was reminded of the importance to account my life to a group of closer siblings-in-Christ so that they can help keep my walk in check and in step. I have two accountability groups - one with brothers around my age and the other to a group of younger brothers.

As much as I would love to spend more time with them, I realised lately it has been tough due to family commitments. It has been a struggle to fellowship with all 6 of them. I am praying and working on being regular again.

I learnt yesterday that if I cherish accounting my life to others, then I would make time to meet my siblings-in-Christ. If I really cannot, I probably could update my status to them via email. I guess the essential thing is not to break the communication.

Okie, time for me to stop here. I shall blog again soon.

Have a blessed week ahead!

My Alabaster Jar

ALABASTER JAR

Verse 1:
This alabaster jar is all I have of worth.
I break it at Your feet, Lord,
it's less than You deserve.
You're far more beautiful,
more precious than the oil.
The sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy!

Pre-Chorus:
Like you spilled Your blood,
I spill my heart
as an offering to my King.

Chorus:
Here I am, take me,
as an offering.
Here I am, giving every heartbeat
for Your glory.
Take me.

Verse 2:
This time that I have left
is all I have of worth.
I lay it at Your feet, Lord,
it's less than You deserve.
And though I've little strength
and though my days are few,
You gave Your life to me
so, I will live my life for You.

I am leading worship at the 11.15am service on Sunday. Since last week, I have been considering what songs should be used. Though on Monday I sent out the list to the Worship Team, I was still not satisfied with the choices. It was mainly due to the songs being sung too many times already. There is nothing wrong in that but I just did not have the peace. There was a time when I asked the Lord to just provide me with at least a new song though I have not updated myself with the latest.

Anyway, in the course of this week I was in church to print out the Missions Ministry Newsletters to be distributed to members and friends on Sunday as it is Missions Emphasis Sunday. One of the church staff was reading the introduction I wrote and it reminded her of a song she sang in the church her husband is pastoring.

Last night she emailed me a link in YouTube where she introduced me the above song by Gateway Worship. I listened to it and immediately it clicked - the words are so appropriate for this week's theme. After viewing the clip, I emailed the Worship Team - sent them the link and the lyrics with chords and messaged them to read the mail.

Well, we met just now for a rehearsal and the song linked well with the rest! Hallelujah! :)

I like the words where they speak of giving God our all and not just a fraction of our lives or time or only when we have some spare moments then we avail ourselves for Him to use us.

I was just sharing with the team that even if we give our all to Him, it pales in comparison what God has given to us or done for us - his death on the cross for our sins and the gift of eternal life for those who believe in Him!

I guess it is the same to answering to the Great Commission Jesus has given to His children. It is not only when we have the time or when we feel like it then we tell others about God. It is about obedient to this command (not a request, mind you) - it is about sharing with others what God has done all the time.

Well, I learnt one thing about sharing God with others all the time - I need to have a living relationship with God daily. If I am constantly learning from the Lord, encountering Him, then it would be a natural thing for me to want to tell others about Jesus. In fact people will see Jesus in my life because of the way I live.

It is a challenge and struggle but it is not impossible. I pray that I will continually grow in the Lord and I am praying this for my siblings-in-Christ too.

I have a lot of things to share concerning this week but I will leave them to another day! Looking forward to the "A Day of Prayer for Missions" tomorrow! :)

Good night, all! Have a restful weekend ahead!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will — to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory. For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way." Ephesians 1:3-23

God - My GPS

I am actually very tired but I want to jot some thoughts down before I sleep. I just realised it has been a while since I last blog - very busy lately. Praise God for His sustenance all these while. :)

Anyway, it has been a wonderful day spent at the United World College (South East Asia) located along Dover Road. I was there with two dear brothers-in-Christ manning a stall at the school's Christmas Fair selling children's clothings and quilts of a social enterprise - Cheeky Monkey. We also did that on Thursday at the Singapore American Club.

Though sales were not that great but we still thank God for allowing us to sell some items and also giving us chances to tell others of this ministry. It has been great interacting with people of different races, nationalities and religions. I enjoy doing this because it gives me opportunities to speak to strangers and occasionally bringing God into the picture in our conversations.

As much as it was fun, it is also very tiring. Anyway, all thanks and praise to God for allowing me to participate in this area of His work. :)

On our way home after dinner, we happened to drive alongside this van and my God-son's father pointed out the three GPS (Global Positioning System) devices that are installed on the dashboard of that vehicle. We were laughing that the driver probably did not want to get lost or that he has a couple of places to go. It was a funny sight but as we drove on, it dawned upon me that as much as we need a GPS device to point us to the correct way in order to reach our destination, in my Christian journey I also need a GPS to show me the way. That GPS of my life is none other than God Himself.

It is sometimes sad to note that we acquire a device to guide us physically but when it comes to our spiritual journey, we cast aside THE GPS who is the Way, the Truth and the Life!

I am challenged never to push God aside in all areas of my life - be it my thought, word or deed. In life we only need one GPS. Not two or three because once God is enthroned in my life, I know I will always be brought back to the path that leads to life eternal. Of course I may sway to the left and right occasionally because of my sinful nature but my God will bring me back on track! :)

Well, I guess that is the lesson I learnt today.

As I have been telling some friends and also in my Facebook, next week will be a super-busy one for me - I have to carry out my duties as a soldier in a reserved unit of the army; prepare for the 11.15am service I will be leading the following Sunday and also the Worship Team rehearsal on Friday; prepare and print the Missions Ministry Newsletter by Wednesday; prepare and attend the "A Day of Prayer for Missions" next Saturday; and lastly hold a briefing for a mission team going to Cambodia this month and attend another mission team's preparation the following Sunday.

The above schedules look scary but to a certain extent, I am also looking forward to them all. All I need is for the Lord to see me through one day at a time. I need to basically turn on my life's GPS. Haha.

Okie dokes, I shall end here. Time to sleep so that I will be all refreshed for church tomorrow!

Good night, world!

"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Make Your Blogs Public

I am blogging now at MacRitchie Reservoir while waiting for the running gang to finish their exercise. I am still nursing my knee and ankle injuries of old - still not able to run which I really yearn to do soon.

Anyway, my tummy has been unwell for the past two days or so. I have been having bouts of diarrhoea. I took some medication - hopefully that will solve the problem.

At the Youth Ministry session this morning, the lesson taught was on "Blogging and Facebook." I was asked to share about how and why I started my blog and in the course of the sharing, it served as an evaluation for me.

I was once again reminded of the objectives. Over the months, my blogging has not been as regular as when I first started - not that the interest is waning but more so, I want to give more thoughts to what I write. I still want to share my pilgrim's journey with people especially in testifying to them of God's goodness in my life as I struggle with life as a human who has his shortcomings and struggles.

Up till now, I still have to say my God has not failed me and He has now seen me through 24 years as a Christian. All thanks and praise to Him for that. I can also confidently say that God will still be walking by my side till the day I die. Amen to that!

To those of you (especially if you are a Christian) who are reading this and have a blog of your own, may I challenge you to make your blog public. Not that you want attention to yourself but more so for others to be drawn to Jesus as you share of His goodness and faithfulness. Whether others believe this Jesus as you do, we will leave it to them to decide as forcing someone to believe in Him will never be the same as he experiencing God himself.

Do not be ashamed to share your struggles (but do watch your words used especially when you are in the midst of one) because life is afterall a journey. Do not just dwell in your struggles though but share also how you intend to deal with them, with God as your help. Then when you have overcome the trials, blog again about it so that others who may be going through the same predicament can learn from you.

I guess this is one way we can make God known to the world without even having to force it down someone's throat. :)

Well, that is what I want to share for today.

I will write again soon. My God-son is back from his walk and I shall entertain him now.

Keeping Passion In Check

My heart is very heavy as I am blogging my thoughts.

Two things which happened this evening reminded me not of myself but others whom many would categorise as "unfortunate"; "not so blest"; "unlucky."

I was supposed to go for a dinner but there was a sudden change of plan where the timing was to be brought forward but I was not too keen of that alternative as I felt it was too early. I suggested cancelling the appointment. Of course I was disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening of feasting and fellowship.

Anyway, as I was dwelling on that, it reminded me of the people in Cambodia whom I know many are finding it tough to even afford a dinner. In fact, some families may not even have the luxury of at least one meal a day. That led me to not let the cancellation of the evening's plan affect me. Instead I took some time to pray for the Khmers and others in the world who are starving.

Then I got a short message to inform me that a plan which the mission teams were planning to do for the next two Sundays may need a permit from a particular governing authority. As much as I know God will make a way, I was still discouraged.

Sometimes I wish there is an ideal world which I can live in where there is perfect trust in every human being but of course there is no such place, except heaven, because of the fallen nature of man.

Anyway, I am just saddened that while trying to help others in need, there need to be justification of this and that which take time to process. In the course of these all, we sometimes forget the urgency in rendering aid to those suffering, while back here in the land of lesser suffering, we are busy answering queries to the cause.

Well, I also spent time praying about this.

I also learnt another lesson today - to not let my passion for something cause me to sin against God and others.

I have to confess lately I have been feeling that way - I want to do so many things to bless the people around me but when faced with the limitations, it affects me and in turn, I affect others by the way I react.

I need to change this attitude because then I am not trusting God, who is the Provider of all things, to open the floodgates of blessings.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts I have for today.

“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” Psalm 40:8

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:32-34

Our Sole Business Is Soul Business

I do not know why I am having the inertia to blog though I want to. Anyway, rather than not, I will try.

The past one week, my knees are giving me problems. They are painful. The right one is quite bad - it is not just painful but also loose. I am now wearing a knee-guard to alleviate the pain and discomfort. It is actually helping. Praise God. :)

I came back from Cambodia three days ago. I was there for only two-day one night. I basically needed to go to Phnom Penh to bring back some children's clothings to be sold at a fair next week. Thank God I was able to bring quite a bit back.

Other than that, I had a fruitful time catching up with my missionary-friends. It is times like this that I cherish the fellowship as it is difficult to correspond via email. Though the trip was very short (I wish it could have been longer if not for some prior appointments I have made), it gave me the urgency to make full use of every minute. At the end of it all, I thought it was a great time spent! :)

One topic which we spoke about is my desire to go to Cambodia as a tent-maker. I am still praying about it but this trip sort of confirmed my desire. I shall continue to seek God in this in the months to come. It was great to have been given counsel by my missionary-friends. I have noted their points and shall ponder on them.

Well, I was sad to have to leave so soon but I am looking forward to the next trip in December when I go with the Youth Ministry Mission Team. It will be a six-day trip and I think it is going to be a blessed one for all. :)

Lately I have been thinking about this phrase - "Our Sole Business is Soul Business." How true that is if we are called God's children. It gave me the challenge to make that my business. It is my prayer that I will experience God every day to the point that I want to share the joy of knowing Him to the people around me. Whether they choose to believe or not, I cannot force but if they do, then all thanks and praise to God!

It is also my desire that in living out my faith, my life will also challenge my other siblings-in-Christ to see that God can work through us if we allow Him to and if our walk is alive. I have concluded that I cannot be a witness for God if my walk is dead. God has given me life and I think I should live it that way. Not easy but I will try. Haha. :)

Anyway, looking forward to the weekend.

Have a restful weekend, everyone! :)

“It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.” Deuteronomy 13:4

We Are All The Same!

I am actually going to sleep because my cold is still not getting any better but after reading the news articles on the Channel NewsAsia website, I thought I just jot my thoughts down first.

There has been the recent hype on the Miss Singapore World, Ris Low - first for her English proficiency and second for her two-year probation related to a credit-card fraud.

Singaporeans have been making so much hoohah about them that I feel every one is simply HYPOCRITES! Come on, every one, before we pass judgments on others, do not forget that we are no different from those who have been convicted of a crime committed. Just consider ourselves 'lucky' that we are not caught for our wrongdoings, that's all! And please do not tell me you have not committed anything wrong.

Still insistent that you are upright?! Then ask yourselves whether you have committed the followings:-

1) When tearing the carpark coupons, you added a few more minutes to the actual timings you were supposed to reflect;

2) When your carpark coupons have expired, you decided not to add on new ones;

3) When in Malaysia or other parts of the world, you bought pirated DVDs;

4) When online, you downloaded illegal music MP3 or movie files;

5) When the traffic light turned red, you just zoomed passed it;

6) When you decided to wash your car, you used the public taps;

7) When using the public toilets, you decided not to pay the 10 cents or 20 cents required as entrance fee;

8) When in office, you photostated documents for personal usage;

9) When the company supplied stationeries, you brought them home;

10) When someone paid you more in change, you kept quiet instead of returning the extra;

11) When you were supposed to use the pedestrian crossings, you jaywalked;

12) When you were taking an examination, you had a peek or two on someone else's paper;

13) When you boarded the bus, you tapped your card but way before reaching your destination, you tapped again so that you need not pay more;

14) When you have completed your 'O' or 'A' Level examinations, you still used your student-card to enjoy the various concessions;

15) When you knew you were underage to watch certain adult movies, you decided to use someone else's identity card;

16) When you saw something you liked but did not have the money to buy it, you decided to steal;

17) When you were in an aircraft on your way to a holiday destination or when you were in a hotel, you decided to help yourself to the items (towels, hangars, fork and spoon, etc) provided;

18) When you are in the public and your wi-fi function is on and you saw a few unsecured accesses of other people's internet accounts, you decided to tap on one of them;

19) When you knew your maid needed a rest and it was already late, you still insisted that she continues with her work and the following morning, you woke her up very early and the vicious cycle carried on;

20) When you found someone's wallet, you decided to help yourself to the contents in it rather than making an effort to locate the owner with the justification that it is a case of "finder's keepers."

Well, the above-mentioned are just some examples. At least once in our lives, we would have committed a crime except that we were fortunate not to get caught. Are we then different from those who have been caught and charged? WE ARE THE SAME! You might not have been caught but the action you did was as wrong as those who were nabbed. Whether the wrongdoing is big or small, a sin is a sin is a sin!

So please next time when you read a news report similar to that of Ris Low's, do not be too quick to judge and let us say this together, "WE ARE ALL THE SAME!"

As for her English, let us also not be too quick to conclude that her proficiency in the language is bad when ours are no better than hers. All of us also speak broken English. Next time before we comment on someone's language, ask ourselves whether the motive is to correct the usage or simply to criticise. If it is the latter, then please shut up. You are no better, I say again!

Okay, I have released the hot steam in me.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Luke 6:37-42

Working Out The Physical And Spiritual Body

Today has been a day of working out. Not in the park, not in the gym, but right in my own home.

After I woke up, I bathed my doggy, Sasha and my birdie, the Peach-Face Lovebird. So far no name after more than a year. We just conveniently called it "Bird-Bird." Anyway, it can be a handful giving these two creatures a bath - one would try to fly away and the other would want to catch it. Then when the furry one got a bath, not only it would get wet but the one bathing it as well. Sometimes I wonder why I ever bothered to take these two as my pets. Haha.

Anyway, after that I washed all the stand-fans in my home; cleaned the air-con filters; removed the dust off the furnitures and electrical appliances; swept the floor; mopped the floor; and swept the floor again! Man, where do all these dust come from?! In all, it was a 4-hour work-out. It felt good but of course tiring.

When I was done with the house-work, I washed up and went to Borders and Kinokuniya Bookstores to check out the photography magazines and also shopped around Wisma Atria, Ngee Ann City and also Suntec City. Yes, up to Marina area as I was lured to the Harvey Norman "Help Clear the Store" sale. Surprisingly I did not buy anything except an Auntie Anne's cinnamon-sugar pretzel while I was on my way to the store.

Oh yah, before all the window-shopping, I detoured to the florist in Thomson Road to drop off the unity candles for a wedding I am coordinating this Saturday. I just wanted to get that over and done with.

Praise God yesterday's worship-leading went pretty okay. Missed one or two notes but such things happen. In the midst of leading the praise and worship, suddenly there was a tinge of sadness when I looked into the eyes of the people in the congregation. I do not know why I felt that way but I sensed something was missing in the worship - that something got to do with the hearts of my brothers and sisters-in-Christ. I felt that many are paying lip service.

I felt a little discouraged but had to go on leading. I was also convicted myself during the time of praise. I was prompted to look deeper into my own worship lifestyle - basically the challenge to spend more time daily to worship God.

After the service I spent some moments talking to a family about missions. I praise God that they are interested to play a bigger part in this area of ministry. :) I just hope more like them will come forward and respond to the Great Commission God has given to all who believe in Him.

I also felt quite burdened for the Youth Ministry Mission Team - after yesterday's session, there would be a break of about 7 weeks as it is exam period for every one in the team. I do not know how the past 11 weeks have prepared these young lives for the trip - not so in the activities we will be doing but the attitude and motive in going. As much as we should enjoy ourselves in preparations and also during the trip, it is my prayer that every team member knows that it is lives that they will be dealing with and how this should not be taken too lightly.

Well, I guess as the mentor to the group, I just have to pray for every single person in the team and trust that God will use these lives to be instruments of peace in where God will be bringing them to.

Anyway, yesterday when I was in the car of one of the MacRitchie Running Fellowship members, on our way to Zion Road Hawker Centre, we witnessed an accident involving a car driven by a lady and a motorcyclist. The left side of the car banged into the motorcycle and the man on it was flung quite far from his bike. He was still moving but could not get up and we could also see the lady-driver walking to the man. There was a shock look on her and by the car, we could see her husband carrying their child.

Myy friend slowed down his car so that every vehicle behind would also do likewise, This is to prevent someone from running over the motorcyclist should he or she is not alert to the accident. Anyway, we did not stop as there were people from the bus-stop rendering assistance. As we drove away, I prayed with every one else in the car for the injured man and the terrified lady.

Well, I guess that is all for this blog. I am quite tired - shall just relax after this. :)

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:23-24

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:22-27