I just realised this is my first blog for 2010. Well, sad to say, I have to start it off with a news not that encouraging - I am tired, in all sense of the word. It is just so weird to have to confess this especially when it is only 11 days into the new year.
Eversince I came back from the mission trip last month, I have not been able to rest. I have to nurse a very bad tummy which took almost two weeks to heal. I am sick again and it happened last Thursday. I was down with initially a fever, then the flu... now I still have the flu (worse than before) and on top of that, sore throat and cough.
I really want a break as in perhaps going somewhere far away to just refresh myself (I realised I have not done so for more than three years already) but looking at the number of commitments I have to deal with, I do not know where I can find a slot to do so. Everyone and everything seem to be crying out for my attention.
It comes to a point where I just feel like exploding. In fact, the past few weeks, there were already signs of my exhaustion but I ignored them - I have been feeling frustrated; I have been complaining; I have been judging... today reaches a point where I just cannot take it anymore.
I had to deal with a situation pertaining to my ministry. To me, it was a straight-forward matter but along the way, the issue got worse. When I got a call to ask me to speak to a particular leader direct, I did and my tone was not gracious at all. When I have composed myself, I will find an opportunity to seek forgiveness from the brother-in-Christ.
Yesterday I was rostered to lead in the praise and worship for the 11.15am service. It was by God's grace that everything went well. I say this because last week when I was preparing for it, I did not put in my heart and soul to it. Then of course when I fell ill, it just worsened things.
During the rehearsal, I was just going through the motion and when there were some hiccups and needed ideas to rectify them, my mind was simply a blank.
On Saturday I cried out to the Lord in desperation... I told Him that whatever was going to happen at the service is not about me but Him. I do not want my struggles to be the focus as I am just an instrument. I pleaded with the Lord to make right what was wrong.
God being God, He heard my cries and guided me every step of the way. I was encouraged when I received a few affirmations after the service. All glory to Him!!!
Tomorrow I have two meetings... as much as I do not want to attend them, I prayed and asked the Lord to just help me through them. Anyway, I will share this with one of the pastors soon as I want to account my current struggles with either one of them. I do not want my human limitations to cause anymore persons to be stumbled.
For those of you who are reading my blogs, please keep me in your prayers. I covet that for now.
Time for me to stop here.
Good night, all.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
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