After I hung the laundry last night, I tried to sleep but could not as my heart suddenly felt very troubled. I also do not know why that burden came. I basically got down on my knees and spent a considerable amount of time praying about the thoughts that came through my mind.
Since I could not sleep, I just listened to some music while I was on my bed. I only slept for an hour before waking up again. Though sleepy, I basically took out my guitar and worshipped God and read His Word.
The verse that ministered to me today is taken from 2 Timothy 4:7 where it reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
I wish I could say these words eventually. During these period of picking myself up and having to deal with matters of my loved ones, my emotions have been going up and down, though not as bad but there were moments when I feel like giving up on myself, others and even God.
On myself because I just feel very drained. Sometimes I am disappointed with myself for letting some of my loved ones down. There were several times I have no idea how to help my loved ones when I know they are struggling. Occasionally I also do not know where I stand in their lives... whether I am still a significant part of them. Many times I want to give up because in trying my best to do things for my loved one, instead of being appreciated, I was misunderstood.
On others because I do not know whether my presence in their lives is more of a blessing or a stumbling block. Sometimes I feel they are not responding to all the things I am doing for them. I basically do not know all that I am doing for them or sometimes restraining myself from doing have helped. There were many times when I felt that maybe they would be better off without me.
On God, I feel I have let Him down when I get a little impatient when I do not see Him answering my prayers. There were moments when I just cried out to Him because the requests I submitted to Him weighs so much on my heart. Sometimes I wish He could just intervene in the lives of my loved ones so that they need not suffer/struggle anymore. That is why there were occasions when I took things in my own hands and instead of making them better, I made a boo-boo.
Thank God lately I am learning to surrender everything to Him but being a human, I still err. That is why it is my prayer that I will be able to proclaim one day what Paul had mentioned in the verse I shared above. Perseverance and trust are what I need.
I shall key off here as I have an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ at 10.30am. Perhaps after the session with him I shall go watch a movie.
I think I am going to fall sick as my throat is painful and I am sniffing. I hope they will be healed before I go on my retreat.
Since I could not sleep, I just listened to some music while I was on my bed. I only slept for an hour before waking up again. Though sleepy, I basically took out my guitar and worshipped God and read His Word.
The verse that ministered to me today is taken from 2 Timothy 4:7 where it reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
I wish I could say these words eventually. During these period of picking myself up and having to deal with matters of my loved ones, my emotions have been going up and down, though not as bad but there were moments when I feel like giving up on myself, others and even God.
On myself because I just feel very drained. Sometimes I am disappointed with myself for letting some of my loved ones down. There were several times I have no idea how to help my loved ones when I know they are struggling. Occasionally I also do not know where I stand in their lives... whether I am still a significant part of them. Many times I want to give up because in trying my best to do things for my loved one, instead of being appreciated, I was misunderstood.
On others because I do not know whether my presence in their lives is more of a blessing or a stumbling block. Sometimes I feel they are not responding to all the things I am doing for them. I basically do not know all that I am doing for them or sometimes restraining myself from doing have helped. There were many times when I felt that maybe they would be better off without me.
On God, I feel I have let Him down when I get a little impatient when I do not see Him answering my prayers. There were moments when I just cried out to Him because the requests I submitted to Him weighs so much on my heart. Sometimes I wish He could just intervene in the lives of my loved ones so that they need not suffer/struggle anymore. That is why there were occasions when I took things in my own hands and instead of making them better, I made a boo-boo.
Thank God lately I am learning to surrender everything to Him but being a human, I still err. That is why it is my prayer that I will be able to proclaim one day what Paul had mentioned in the verse I shared above. Perseverance and trust are what I need.
I shall key off here as I have an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ at 10.30am. Perhaps after the session with him I shall go watch a movie.
I think I am going to fall sick as my throat is painful and I am sniffing. I hope they will be healed before I go on my retreat.
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