I decided to take a longer time to consider what and how I should blog about my Day Four Reflection which I did yesterday. I do not know whether I should conclude that this reflection is the hardest but no matter what I was very honest with God about what I am going through now and how I have been feeling lately with regards to the focus of the day which I will not say. Sorry about being vague here.
Other than the struggles I have been facing with my family and also my life, it has taken an effect on me with regards to the way I have been carrying myself as a brother to another.
To sum it up, I have been a stumbling block. I regret it now but the damage has been done. Throughout the session with God yesterday, I asked Him to bring healing, reconciliation and restoration to this broken relationship. I pray the person affected will give me a chance to learn from this episode of my life which I can frankly say I have never and would never wish to experience.
As I was answering some very difficult questions, here are the lessons I have learnt about relationship with another:-
1) My walk with the Lord plays a big role in maintaining a healthy relationship;
2) I must not take another for granted;
3) I must not be too protective;
4) I must not be insensitive;
5) I should not have placed too high of an expectation on the other party;
6) I should always focus on the strengths of the person. Affirmation to another is always better than being judgmental or critical;
7) There must be trust (other than love which is the heartbeat of any relationship).
I wish I could have been more mindful of the above-mentioned sooner than later. Point number 6 helped me see the beauty of that individual. I was asked to write down all the pleasant and unpleasant things of that person. Well, for the former, there were 5 pages loads of it; and for the latter, less than a page. But the sad part in many relationships is that we focus on the unpleasant.
There came a point in my reflection by the beach of Scheveningen where I asked God whether it is all my fault. I mean, it takes two hands to clap, right? As I kept still and pondered, all I can say is this - it does not matter. So what if I know the other party is at fault too, does it make me feel better? It does not because it has already happened. What matters, as I have mentioned in my previous blog, is what am I going to do from here? Past is always past. I can learn from it but I must not let regrets stop me from moving ahead.
These past two months or so, I have not been able to be me as I do not know how I should carry myself in the presence of the person but I need to overcome this. I have to continue to be Andy Chew (the pleasant part of me, that is). I also need to stop being apologetic. I have already sought forgiveness - whether I have been forgiven fully is now up to the other party. As for me, I must move on and keep praying that the person will forgive me 100% and that one day the relationship will be rebuilt!
All of the above-mentioned sound as if it is so easy for me to pen my thoughts but it is not. I have struggled and wrestled with God on this for the past two months. So much tears have been shed. Constant accusations from the evil one which made me doubt about myself several times. The constant pain I feel in my heart (a friend once told me the chest pain I have been experiencing may be due to this struggle).
I wish I can be more precise and detailed in this blog but I should not. I hope I made sense so far amidst the vagueness.
Well, I have been praying about this several times a day and will continue to do so. I long for the day when my fellowship with the other party will be fully restored. It may take weeks, months or years but I will look forward to it. This dear individual means a lot to me.
Other than my reflection, I went back to join George and his family to celebrate Laurel's mum's birthday. She arrived from India yesterday with Laurel's cousin. We had chicken briyani and chocolate cake baked by George and Laurel's two sons, Ben and Isaac.
After that it was off to the Fireworks Festival. I did not get much nice shots as it was too smokey. Maybe tonight's will be nicer.
We came home just before midnight and I have not had much sleep - probably just three hours or so.
Today is the last day of my reflection. Looking forward to it already. :)
Have a restful weekend, everyone.
Other than the struggles I have been facing with my family and also my life, it has taken an effect on me with regards to the way I have been carrying myself as a brother to another.
To sum it up, I have been a stumbling block. I regret it now but the damage has been done. Throughout the session with God yesterday, I asked Him to bring healing, reconciliation and restoration to this broken relationship. I pray the person affected will give me a chance to learn from this episode of my life which I can frankly say I have never and would never wish to experience.
As I was answering some very difficult questions, here are the lessons I have learnt about relationship with another:-
1) My walk with the Lord plays a big role in maintaining a healthy relationship;
2) I must not take another for granted;
3) I must not be too protective;
4) I must not be insensitive;
5) I should not have placed too high of an expectation on the other party;
6) I should always focus on the strengths of the person. Affirmation to another is always better than being judgmental or critical;
7) There must be trust (other than love which is the heartbeat of any relationship).
I wish I could have been more mindful of the above-mentioned sooner than later. Point number 6 helped me see the beauty of that individual. I was asked to write down all the pleasant and unpleasant things of that person. Well, for the former, there were 5 pages loads of it; and for the latter, less than a page. But the sad part in many relationships is that we focus on the unpleasant.
There came a point in my reflection by the beach of Scheveningen where I asked God whether it is all my fault. I mean, it takes two hands to clap, right? As I kept still and pondered, all I can say is this - it does not matter. So what if I know the other party is at fault too, does it make me feel better? It does not because it has already happened. What matters, as I have mentioned in my previous blog, is what am I going to do from here? Past is always past. I can learn from it but I must not let regrets stop me from moving ahead.
These past two months or so, I have not been able to be me as I do not know how I should carry myself in the presence of the person but I need to overcome this. I have to continue to be Andy Chew (the pleasant part of me, that is). I also need to stop being apologetic. I have already sought forgiveness - whether I have been forgiven fully is now up to the other party. As for me, I must move on and keep praying that the person will forgive me 100% and that one day the relationship will be rebuilt!
All of the above-mentioned sound as if it is so easy for me to pen my thoughts but it is not. I have struggled and wrestled with God on this for the past two months. So much tears have been shed. Constant accusations from the evil one which made me doubt about myself several times. The constant pain I feel in my heart (a friend once told me the chest pain I have been experiencing may be due to this struggle).
I wish I can be more precise and detailed in this blog but I should not. I hope I made sense so far amidst the vagueness.
Well, I have been praying about this several times a day and will continue to do so. I long for the day when my fellowship with the other party will be fully restored. It may take weeks, months or years but I will look forward to it. This dear individual means a lot to me.
Other than my reflection, I went back to join George and his family to celebrate Laurel's mum's birthday. She arrived from India yesterday with Laurel's cousin. We had chicken briyani and chocolate cake baked by George and Laurel's two sons, Ben and Isaac.
After that it was off to the Fireworks Festival. I did not get much nice shots as it was too smokey. Maybe tonight's will be nicer.
We came home just before midnight and I have not had much sleep - probably just three hours or so.
Today is the last day of my reflection. Looking forward to it already. :)
Have a restful weekend, everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment