A cold and wet weather marks the end of my Five-Day Retreat with God. As I went through each day of reflection focusing on different areas or people in my life, the time spent with God was good. He knows my every thought so no matter what I write in the journal, there is no point kidding Him. I just had to come clean with Him and also with my two dear siblings-in-Christ here in The Haag.
Tears were shed - during my sharing with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ. I even broke down writing my thoughts while in the train to Amsterdam. It was embarrassing as there was this lady sitting directly in front of me and suddenly this Chinese man opposite her started having watery eyes and sniffing. Yesterday when I was by the beach sitting on the longest breakwater I have ever come across, I just let my heart out to God.
Knees were bowed - in the privacy of the room seeking for God's forgiveness for my waywardness in the past 1 1/2 years and also in being a stumbling block to grandma, parents, brother, sister and also some friends.
I told God I have had enough of living such a lifestyle and I want a breakthrough, a transformation. He has always been there but I have never fully tapped on the power of God to pull me through my struggles. I want to do that right now.
Romans 8 is the passage for my reflection today and it was a timely message for me. I want to live my life through the Holy Spirit because I want my mind set on what the Spirit desires (Rom 8:5).
My life has revolved around prayer the past one month or so. I have tried all I could in dealing with the struggles I am experiencing and I have been at my wit's end. The only channel which is still opened is prayer and I will do so continually. Sometimes I have been praying for my loved ones till I do not know how else to pray and this is where I have been asking the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf. It is comforting to know this because then the prayer does not cease even when I have exhausted all the areas I could think of (Romans 8:26-27).
I shall side-track here for a while - the sun is out! Nice to see that through the windows in my room. :)
The past two months, I have been down to my pits. Many times I do not know what else to do and there were occasions when I felt so hopeless but Romans 8:28 reminded me that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." I hope I am called according to God's purpose. I am also reminded of my identity in Him that I am more than conquerors, as stated in Romans 8:37 - "that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, my Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
As I kept still before God just now, a realisation came to mind that now I am living with the desires to do what God has prompted me throughout these five days of retreat but what happens when I go back to the reality of life? I am away from where my struggles are. I am here in The Netherlands now. What will happen when I go back to Singapore where I have to continue taking care of grandma and parents, handle their occasion squabbles, deal with certain broken relationships I am experiencing, and having to go through my own life. I know it is not going to be easy but with what I have learnt, I know I am able to handle every of these areas more positively and even if I fall occasionally, so be it. I am still a conqueror and God will help me through eventually. Well, I guess my future blogs should be able to reveal whether I am able to handle things differently especially in a manner pleasing to God and edifying to the people involved.
Well, I will keep the prayer journal which my sister gave me closed to my heart because in it are precious lessons I have learnt in my different encounters with God during this 5-day retreat. I will continue to jot my thoughts down occasionally and may God continue to reveal to me more precious lessons I can learn in the course of my pilgrim's progress.
While I was worshipping God, the words of a song have convicted me and it will be my song of prayer from here onwards...
WHEN IT'S ALL BEEN SAID AND DONE
When it's all been said and done,
there is just one thing that matters -
did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?
When it's all been said and done,
all my treasures will mean nothing -
only what I have done
for love's rewards
will stand the test of time.
Lord, your mercy is so great -
that you look beyond our weakness;
that you found purest gold in miry clay,
turning sinners into saints.
I will always sing your praise
here on earth and in heaven after -
for you've joined me at my true home
when it's all been said and done.
You're my life when life is gone...
Amen.
I shall end here. It is almost dinner time. I think I shall not go for the Firework Festival as it will end late and I have a church service to attend in the morning.
To God be the glory!
Tears were shed - during my sharing with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ. I even broke down writing my thoughts while in the train to Amsterdam. It was embarrassing as there was this lady sitting directly in front of me and suddenly this Chinese man opposite her started having watery eyes and sniffing. Yesterday when I was by the beach sitting on the longest breakwater I have ever come across, I just let my heart out to God.
Knees were bowed - in the privacy of the room seeking for God's forgiveness for my waywardness in the past 1 1/2 years and also in being a stumbling block to grandma, parents, brother, sister and also some friends.
I told God I have had enough of living such a lifestyle and I want a breakthrough, a transformation. He has always been there but I have never fully tapped on the power of God to pull me through my struggles. I want to do that right now.
Romans 8 is the passage for my reflection today and it was a timely message for me. I want to live my life through the Holy Spirit because I want my mind set on what the Spirit desires (Rom 8:5).
My life has revolved around prayer the past one month or so. I have tried all I could in dealing with the struggles I am experiencing and I have been at my wit's end. The only channel which is still opened is prayer and I will do so continually. Sometimes I have been praying for my loved ones till I do not know how else to pray and this is where I have been asking the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf. It is comforting to know this because then the prayer does not cease even when I have exhausted all the areas I could think of (Romans 8:26-27).
I shall side-track here for a while - the sun is out! Nice to see that through the windows in my room. :)
The past two months, I have been down to my pits. Many times I do not know what else to do and there were occasions when I felt so hopeless but Romans 8:28 reminded me that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." I hope I am called according to God's purpose. I am also reminded of my identity in Him that I am more than conquerors, as stated in Romans 8:37 - "that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, my Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
As I kept still before God just now, a realisation came to mind that now I am living with the desires to do what God has prompted me throughout these five days of retreat but what happens when I go back to the reality of life? I am away from where my struggles are. I am here in The Netherlands now. What will happen when I go back to Singapore where I have to continue taking care of grandma and parents, handle their occasion squabbles, deal with certain broken relationships I am experiencing, and having to go through my own life. I know it is not going to be easy but with what I have learnt, I know I am able to handle every of these areas more positively and even if I fall occasionally, so be it. I am still a conqueror and God will help me through eventually. Well, I guess my future blogs should be able to reveal whether I am able to handle things differently especially in a manner pleasing to God and edifying to the people involved.
Well, I will keep the prayer journal which my sister gave me closed to my heart because in it are precious lessons I have learnt in my different encounters with God during this 5-day retreat. I will continue to jot my thoughts down occasionally and may God continue to reveal to me more precious lessons I can learn in the course of my pilgrim's progress.
While I was worshipping God, the words of a song have convicted me and it will be my song of prayer from here onwards...
WHEN IT'S ALL BEEN SAID AND DONE
When it's all been said and done,
there is just one thing that matters -
did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?
When it's all been said and done,
all my treasures will mean nothing -
only what I have done
for love's rewards
will stand the test of time.
Lord, your mercy is so great -
that you look beyond our weakness;
that you found purest gold in miry clay,
turning sinners into saints.
I will always sing your praise
here on earth and in heaven after -
for you've joined me at my true home
when it's all been said and done.
You're my life when life is gone...
Amen.
I shall end here. It is almost dinner time. I think I shall not go for the Firework Festival as it will end late and I have a church service to attend in the morning.
To God be the glory!
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