I just realised all my blogs written here in The Netherlands are in Singapore time because I did not change the settings on my MacBook Pro. If you are confused with the time of my postings, ignore them. Sorry about it.
I am blogging now in the same cafe which I have been at for the past two days. I have already made a couple of friends here because they kept seeing me. :) I ordered orange and banana juice this time round. There were a few glasses already made but they chose to do a fresh one for me. Praise the Lord for them.
I have just completed my reflection for the day and today is on my family. The questions posed to me were thought-provoking. There was a point when I was answering a question on what are the strengths of my parents, grandma and brother, tears began to well up as I jotted them down. What really hit me was this - all these while I have been focusing on their weaknesses and because of that, I harboured grudge and hatred and I was also angry with them. It just made my living with them very difficult.
Because this retreat forces me to really ponder on the questions and challenges me to answer them as honestly as possible, it opened my eyes to the strengths I have never thought of in the lives of my family members. It helps me to see them in a new light.
The hardest question was this - "What are some physical and/or emotional hurts that your family members have inflicted on you?
I will not share them here as I do not see the need to but there was a breakthrough as I recorded every hurt I can remember from the time I was a boy to now, a 39-year old man. It was painful as I tried to recall them. As I spent some time in quiet after feeling very exhausted answering just this one question, God revealed in me that all this while, though I am in the current year of 2011, I have actually been living in the past especially during the period when I was at my most rebellious, which was also the time when I was abused the most, both physically and emotionally.
I was challenged to leave that behind. What is past is past. What matters is the present! This bondage must be broken and I told the Lord I want it gone.
The things I mentioned above are not really that new because God has been revealing bit by bit what I need to do in the past few weeks. All these have reinforced the need for me to focus on the strengths of my family and to live in the present and make right what was wrong in the past. That is why the past three weeks or so, I have made it a point to be careful in the way I react to situations at home. I want myself and the family to know that we can deal with matters differently... with the help of the Lord.
Then came another tough question which only applies to my family since we are Christians. The question was - "Do you desire for your brother to know Jesus as his personal Lord and Saviour? If yes, how can you and your family lead him to the saving grace of Jesus Christ?
I reflected on this when I was on a river cruise in Amsterdam and below are some things that my parents, grandma and I need to do:-
1) We need to get our fundamentals right.
Though the four of us are Christians, we hardly behave like Christians at home. I am praying and hoping that when I go back to Singapore, I will encourage my parents and grandma to join me in regular prayer and Bible-study sessions. I also desire for us to fellowship regularly so that the time spent can be used to build each other up by sharing our joys and woes with one another. I am not going to jump into doing too many at one go but if I can get the four of us to just come and pray together, that is already a good start. I have been doing with them individually. I shall see whether they are now comfortable to do it as a family.
2) We need to repent from our sins and learn to overcome our weaknesses/shortcomings.
I hope as we begin to pray with and for one another, God will also open our eyes to the sins we have been committing as a family and also the weaknesses/shortcomings in each of us. Only through repentance will we be able to move on and be transformed. Of course it will not happen overnight but I am beginning to see every one's heart being softened lately. I pray this would lead us to more breakthroughs.
3) We need to pray for our brother and be a testimony to him.
That is why if the family can begin praying first, it is already part of the battle won. I also know through prayer, God will cause us to be more aware of the way we should all live our lives. I hope as my brother sees the change in us, it will allow him to see the transforming power of Jesus even in the lives of his family members whom he has once condemned as hopeless cases. In the eyes of Jesus, no one is hopeless and I pray he will see that in due time.
My family must be my primary ministry but I also must learn to trust God to help everyone through our individual journey. I cannot be their saviour because God is. I guess what I can do is to be the fire-starter so that our attention is always on Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour.
I shall end there with regards to my reflection. I visited Amsterdam the whole day but I did not do much as it was raining most of the time. I could not take photos. What I did was basically looking for shelters quiet and conducive enough for me to do my reflections. There was nothing much to shop too.
Oh yah, when I was trying to find my way to Chinatown, I entered this street parallel to a canal. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I have gone into the red-light district. In the above paragraph I was talking about shopping but along this canal, there are also people doing that but it is called window-shopping. The prostitutes were displayed behind those windows and they would do all things to entice would-be customers. Anyway, I prayed for that area, hoping that God will speak and minister even to these ladies. It was a sad sight.
I do not know whether I would want to make another trip to Amsterdam before I leave. I shall see how.
Praise the Lord for today.
I shall pack up now and head home as it is almost 8.00pm. Shopping hours are longer today as it is a Thursday. I doubt I will shop though.
Good night, all!
I am blogging now in the same cafe which I have been at for the past two days. I have already made a couple of friends here because they kept seeing me. :) I ordered orange and banana juice this time round. There were a few glasses already made but they chose to do a fresh one for me. Praise the Lord for them.
I have just completed my reflection for the day and today is on my family. The questions posed to me were thought-provoking. There was a point when I was answering a question on what are the strengths of my parents, grandma and brother, tears began to well up as I jotted them down. What really hit me was this - all these while I have been focusing on their weaknesses and because of that, I harboured grudge and hatred and I was also angry with them. It just made my living with them very difficult.
Because this retreat forces me to really ponder on the questions and challenges me to answer them as honestly as possible, it opened my eyes to the strengths I have never thought of in the lives of my family members. It helps me to see them in a new light.
The hardest question was this - "What are some physical and/or emotional hurts that your family members have inflicted on you?
I will not share them here as I do not see the need to but there was a breakthrough as I recorded every hurt I can remember from the time I was a boy to now, a 39-year old man. It was painful as I tried to recall them. As I spent some time in quiet after feeling very exhausted answering just this one question, God revealed in me that all this while, though I am in the current year of 2011, I have actually been living in the past especially during the period when I was at my most rebellious, which was also the time when I was abused the most, both physically and emotionally.
I was challenged to leave that behind. What is past is past. What matters is the present! This bondage must be broken and I told the Lord I want it gone.
The things I mentioned above are not really that new because God has been revealing bit by bit what I need to do in the past few weeks. All these have reinforced the need for me to focus on the strengths of my family and to live in the present and make right what was wrong in the past. That is why the past three weeks or so, I have made it a point to be careful in the way I react to situations at home. I want myself and the family to know that we can deal with matters differently... with the help of the Lord.
Then came another tough question which only applies to my family since we are Christians. The question was - "Do you desire for your brother to know Jesus as his personal Lord and Saviour? If yes, how can you and your family lead him to the saving grace of Jesus Christ?
I reflected on this when I was on a river cruise in Amsterdam and below are some things that my parents, grandma and I need to do:-
1) We need to get our fundamentals right.
Though the four of us are Christians, we hardly behave like Christians at home. I am praying and hoping that when I go back to Singapore, I will encourage my parents and grandma to join me in regular prayer and Bible-study sessions. I also desire for us to fellowship regularly so that the time spent can be used to build each other up by sharing our joys and woes with one another. I am not going to jump into doing too many at one go but if I can get the four of us to just come and pray together, that is already a good start. I have been doing with them individually. I shall see whether they are now comfortable to do it as a family.
2) We need to repent from our sins and learn to overcome our weaknesses/shortcomings.
I hope as we begin to pray with and for one another, God will also open our eyes to the sins we have been committing as a family and also the weaknesses/shortcomings in each of us. Only through repentance will we be able to move on and be transformed. Of course it will not happen overnight but I am beginning to see every one's heart being softened lately. I pray this would lead us to more breakthroughs.
3) We need to pray for our brother and be a testimony to him.
That is why if the family can begin praying first, it is already part of the battle won. I also know through prayer, God will cause us to be more aware of the way we should all live our lives. I hope as my brother sees the change in us, it will allow him to see the transforming power of Jesus even in the lives of his family members whom he has once condemned as hopeless cases. In the eyes of Jesus, no one is hopeless and I pray he will see that in due time.
My family must be my primary ministry but I also must learn to trust God to help everyone through our individual journey. I cannot be their saviour because God is. I guess what I can do is to be the fire-starter so that our attention is always on Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour.
I shall end there with regards to my reflection. I visited Amsterdam the whole day but I did not do much as it was raining most of the time. I could not take photos. What I did was basically looking for shelters quiet and conducive enough for me to do my reflections. There was nothing much to shop too.
Oh yah, when I was trying to find my way to Chinatown, I entered this street parallel to a canal. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I have gone into the red-light district. In the above paragraph I was talking about shopping but along this canal, there are also people doing that but it is called window-shopping. The prostitutes were displayed behind those windows and they would do all things to entice would-be customers. Anyway, I prayed for that area, hoping that God will speak and minister even to these ladies. It was a sad sight.
I do not know whether I would want to make another trip to Amsterdam before I leave. I shall see how.
Praise the Lord for today.
I shall pack up now and head home as it is almost 8.00pm. Shopping hours are longer today as it is a Thursday. I doubt I will shop though.
Good night, all!
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