Live To Die

I had a very good sleep just now. I cannot say it was a nap as I dozed off for more than two hours. I woke up much fresher and alert. The past few days have been trying and draining having again to deal with mum's ill-health and also matters at home. Everything is always linked and when I mention "matters at home" - that means having to calm grandma down and assure her that everything is fine; making sure that dad has enough rest; etc.

I had to get out of the house once in a while as it helps to keep my sanity intact, basically to just be away from the stress I sometimes face at home. I have to confess it can be very straining both mentally and emotionally.

It is not that I am trying to control everything with my own strength. It is just that the human side of me has its limits though I know clearly God is in charge.

I cried out to God again before I slept last night that every one in the family has suffered for the past three months. I pleaded with Him to have mercy on my parents, grandma, brother and me. I requested of God to help carry the load as I could see the strain already on my dad and grandma. My brother and I are feeling it too but being younger, I guess it is easier for us to handle though at times we feel like giving up too.

Since last Sunday, I have come across so many incidents of deaths and friends falling sick: last Sunday, a dear brother-in-Christ's mother passed away because of cancer; yesterday another brother-in-Christ lost his mum to cancer too; today, a member of the Children's Ministry Vacation-With-A-Purpose team had to mourn the passing of her dad, also to cancer. Then last Sunday I was informed of one of my Missions Committee member suffering a stroke while he is in China. Thank God he is back in Singapore for treatment and has been discharged today. Another dear brother-in-Christ, who is a missionary, had to come back for a medical examination due to an infection of his legs. Even the online seller whom I bought my handphone battery and screen protector had to deal with some funeral arrangement at home hence his inability to send out the items I bought on time.

While I was praying for the above persons, I learnt one thing. As much as there is life after death for Christians, I learnt that in our transition here on earth, we basically live to die. Yet many times, many of us (myself included) live as if there is no end here. We are pursuing earthly treasures as if we can store them forever in our barns here on earth but forgetting that we entered this world with nothing and so the same when we depart.

I hope and pray that we will not sell our souls to what is temporal and forget that there are much to live for when in eternity.

Sorry for my reflective mood today but sickness and death always reminds me of the above thoughts. I guess that is one way God speaks to those who are still living.

Anyway, I visited mum this afternoon and am glad she is looking well. Dad got it wrong when he told me yesterday that mum would be transferred to Singapore General Hospital today. What it should have been is that mum will go there for her future medical check-ups after her discharge as her renal specialist is posted there.

I came home early to make sure grandma is okay. I praise God that she is.

Okie, time to sleep again.

Good night, all! Many thanks to those who have been praying for mum. :)

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Matthew 6:19-24

"And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' "Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." ' "But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' "This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God." Luke 12:16-21

Another Visit To The Hospital

I just came back from the hospital after rushing mum to the Accident and Emergency Department. She ran a temperature of 40.3 degree Celsius; her blood glucose and pressure were high too.

She is now admitted for urinal tract infection and irregular heartbeat. Her condition has been stabilised. Praise God for that.

Since her fall this morning, I sensed something was not right with mum. Every now and then I would check on her. It was at around 3am that she experienced cold sweat and had difficulty urinating. That was when I ran all the tests and the results were bad. As she was too weak to walk, we had to call for the ambulance.

I am tired. I shall try to catch some sleep now.

I covet your prayers should you read this blog. Thank you.

Be Quick To Reconcile

I decided to get out of the house after I had a quarrel with dad. I am just so disappointed with him. Sorry to say this but I am.

When dad and mum were not back from the acupuncture appointment in the late morning, I called them and was told that they were on their way up. I opened the gate and waited for them.

What shocked me next was how I saw mum took a tumble as she lost her balance. Dad while trying to catch her also fell. I ran to them and was glad that there were no visible injuries on them.

As I sensed something amiss regarding mum's health. I had to persistently ask her whether she is okay. What I did not like was the fact that dad kept budging in and said mum is okay. He always says that when in actual fact, I know mum is not right physically. It had happened a few times already and I am beginning to doubt his care-giving ability.

It reached a point when he got a little unreasonable that I asked him to shut up. I just could not take it anymore that he always thinks he is right when most of the time he is not. I am not trying to advocate rudeness against parents but there need a time when I had to put aside respect for the elders and speak some senses into them.

Anyway, took mum's blood glucose and the level was high. I took her blood pressure and it was high too. She was also running a fever. I gave her two paracetamols and after ensuring that she was resting that I left the house.

I am just so fed-up sometimes with the way my family members treat each other. I do not know whether I have shared this before but as much as possible, whenever you have something against another family members be it in a quarrel or misunderstanding, try to clear it up as soon as possible. It may not have to be immediate but when all have calmed down, try to resolve matters. If not, a quarrel will lead to a grudge; a grudge to unforgiveness; unforgiveness to hatred; hatred to the dysfunction of a family.

As much as I do not wish to admit this but my family is going through that even though things are improving since my parents and grandma have become Christians. But being Christians does not mean all our struggles have been overcome because as humans still, there are still past experiences which will be brought to the present when a quarrel happens.

As much as possible, I am praying for my family and other families not to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted. It is just so easy especially towards family members.

I am still in the process of learning how to cope with the struggles in my family. It is just so tiring but I will continue to press on in bringing harmony in the household by being the first to live in peace with one another. Many times I fail but with God's help, I pray my family will one day bear with one another and not be too quick to hurt each other by our words and actions.

I am having a terrible heachache now. I shall end here.

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." 1 Peter 3:8-12

Illnesses And Death

This whole week I have been down. On Monday I already felt quite weak but thought I could fight the bug by pumping Vitamin Cs. It seemed to work for a moment but towards the evening, it got worse again.

The following afternoon I went to see the doctor and was given some medication. The fever subsided but I felt weak. For the whole of Tuesday and the first half of Wednesday, I was in bed, just resting.

On Wednesday night the Missions Committee had an important meeting. I was contemplating whether to go or not. I actually told my Pastor-in-Charge to chair the meeting on my behalf but in the end I felt well enough to attend.

It was a decision that I did not regret as I gathered a lot of information from this pastor from another church who is very involved in a mission field which my church is interested in adopting. I am unable to disclose the location as yet but it is my prayer and I believe the prayers of those present at the meeting that one day my church will be involved in this land where many are still unreached.

My parents, grandma and uncle left for Genting Highlands that same Wednesday night for a short holiday. They will be home tomorrow and it is my prayer that this trip is doing mum some good to her body. At the same time I am praying she will watch what she eats and drinks and that she is still taking her medication regularly.

Now back to my health again. Last night I had dinner with my sister in Orchard. Just before the meal, I suddenly felt very light-headed. I thought it was due to my hunger so we quickly ate something at a Chinese restaurant. Even after that I did not feel good. I decided to come home early, took some medication and rested. I felt better though my blood pressure was a little on the high side.

This morning, the giddy spell came again. I decided to visit the clinic and the doctor told me I have a mild hypertension which may be due to the fever I had a few days ago. I was given more medication and now as I blog, I am actually feeling much better though once in a while my fingers feel as if there are pins and needles.

I was in church for a while as I needed to practice some songs for the worship session I am leading at The Day of Prayer for Missions session tomorrow afternoon. Thank God all went well and the rehearsal was a brief one.

I guess I shall sleep early tonight. Oh yah, I am saddened by a news I received this evening that one boy from an orphanage that my church is supporting in Cambodia has passed away. Philemon fell off the bed some time last week when he had a convulsion due to meningitis. There was a haemorrhage in his brain, was operated on, placed on life-support machine but still did not pull through. Well, though he is now gone, I know Philemon is with Jesus in a place far better than earth.

I am more concerned for his father who lost his wife just nine months ago and his daughter to the same illness as Philemon's a few years ago. I pray God's peace will still be upon him.

Well, time for me to stop here.

Till the next blog, have a restful weekend! I am praying God will heal me soon! :)

Christians For A Cause

I watched a documentary late last night entitled "Stars for a Cause" by Mediacorp's Channel U. The country featured was China where there were scenes of children not having the luxuries of education, basic hygiene and parental love.

It was timely for me to watch this because yesterday I was complaining about many things: what and where to eat for dinner and when I could not decide on one, my mood changed for the worse; not happy with the way my family members and I behave (always taking each other for granted); angry with the phone bill I received where I had to pay an extra $47.24 because I failed to cancel a mobile line which was given to me free for 12 months and now that the promotion has expired, the telco began charging me for it. On top of that, I realised when I was given a new mobile-phone on my birthday by my sister, I forgot to de-activate an auto data download function where each kilo-byte costs me 1.03 cents which amounted to $28.24; being angry with the wireless@sg service for failing to connect.

I think if the above complaints are mad.e known to the children featured in the programme, they would have concluded how 'lucky' I am for having so many luxuries. They would probably wonder too why is it that I am still complaining when I have such a good life.

I felt ashamed when I pondered on the above-mentioned. I guess those who read this blog would agree that many in Singapore are spoilt and that we complain too much unnecessarily: not liking school or work (where many are uneducated and jobless); not liking their parents (where many are orphans); hate their hairstyles (where many are losing theirs to cancer treatment); not having enough clothes or shoes or make-up or accessories (where many do not even have a piece of cloth to warm their bodies); sanctuary too cold (where many do not even have a church to call their own); church Sunday bulletins too much announcements or fonts not nice (when what is more important is praying for the people involved in the ministries being done); car too small or not of certain luxurious brands (where many have to walk miles to reach a destination); house not big enough or located in a prime area (where many do not even have a roof over their heads; even if they do, they are riddled with holes); not pampered with enough spas, massages, pedicures or medicures (where many are covered with sores because of the lack of hygiene); computers too slow (when many do not even have a pen and paper to write); etc; etc; etc!

The complaints of humans are never-ending.

Sometimes when I ask God to bless my family and I, I wonder whether that is the right thing to do because when I have more, I complain I do not have enough.

I think I need to start counting my blessings and cease complaining. It is also time that I do more for others who are in need than to dwell in my discontentment which many times are uncalled for.

Being a child of God and also very involved in the work of missions, I need to be a Christian for a cause. Only when I learn to bless others will I see how blest I am and stop complaining but be thankful. Frankly I have enough, it is time to give to those who do not have enough.

Before I key off... I just met an elderly church member who happened to step into the church office. I asked her how she is and she said she is not okay. When I heard that answer, my heart sank and became heavy. A prompting came to me that she is not doing well physically. I wanted to pray for her but she needed to rush home as someone is giving her a ride. Perhaps I will do so on Sunday when I see her again. May God bless and keep her for now.

Time to go.

"If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:3-12

Enjoy And Cherish Life

I am blogging this in StarBucks after spending some time at Borders, reading magazines on cameras and mobile-phones. I was also at the Photography section and was immersed in the numerous books on this topic.

As I was reading on, it got me interested in Wedding Photography and I bought a book on this. Thanks to a brother-in-Christ who gave me a Borders gift-card on my birthday. I got 20% off due to a print-out discount voucher which Borders sent me via email. On top of that I got another 10% off as I am a preferred card member. Upon payment, I was informed that the membership card had expired last month but the staff still gave me the extra discount. Praise God for him!

In the end, I paid a small amount for an expensive book! I cannot wait to read up on the professional tips featured in there and hope this would aid me should I do more wedding photography in future. :)

During this period of break from work, with the main purpose of taking care of mum who is still recuperating, it has also given me opportunities to do other things which I love: doing ministry (especially missions); cooking; reading on topics of interest like photography, weddings, computers, mobile-phones, etc; photography especially macro-photography (I have decided to do this once a week); wedding coordinations (four this year and two in the early part of next year); meeting up with friends.

The above-mentioned reminded me that there is more to life than just working and selling one's soul to the company. Though companies would love to have such staff but one cannot deny that he should also have a life outside work.

Though many will find me crazy, I have decided that when I go back to work again, I would like to opt for a four-day week (I was actually thinking of a three-day work-week) so that I can use the one extra free day to do all of the above interests. I pray my boss will agree to that (even if that would mean a pay-cut). I know I can still deliver though I am working four days less in a month.

I have friends telling me that I should slog first when I am young so that I have a reasonable kitty in my bank to enjoy an early retirement. As much as that sounds logical, I do not really subscribe to the idea as I believe at every stage of one's life, there is something for him to do and enjoy which at other stages, it may not be possible anymore.

One example is one's health. Yes, I can work hard and be a slave to my company when I am younger but who can guarantee me that I will enjoy life when I am older? What happens if I am inflicted with a disease and succumbed to it? Then all the savings I have would come to naught.

Well, I am at peace having made this decision regarding work. I am sure God will provide regardless of whether I am on a four-day or five-day work-week. :)

I did a cook-out for the church office staff on Wednesday, Praise God the laksa dish was cleared in a matter of an hour by 15 persons - 6kg of noodles, two pots (one big and one medium) of gravy, 2kg of prawns, 1kg of cockles, 1kg of bean-sprouts, 8 big fish-cakes, 2 cucumbers, one container of chillies, one container of laksa leaves, 50 fried bean-curds, 20 kuniyaku jellies and one Peranakan layered cake (done by a brother-in-Christ).

Well, all thanks to grandma for teaching me cooking. It is always a joy when I see friends enjoy the dish I cooked. I pray the Lord will continue to teach me more on this so that I can continue to bless others. Haha. :)

I shall end here for now. Got a couple of stuff to prepare.

God is always good!

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:3-11

Commit My Cooking To The Lord

It has been a busy day for me. I feel like a Martha today - running around, busying myself with preparations for tomorrow's cook-out for the church office staff. There were a couple of frustrations in the midst of the busyness. One thing I realised I did not do is to commit the day to God - hence my negative reaction towards certain situations which did not go as planned. I guess if I had prayed, my attitude would have been different.

Anyway, I started the day at around 10.00am going to Sheng Siong Supermarket in Little India, hoping to get all the stuff in my grocery list. Into the third item, I was told by the staff that the de-shelled cockles, an important ingredient in a laksa dish, would only arrive at 1.30pm. I was irked by the news as that would mean having to wait 3 hours or so for that particular item. I had initially planned to buy everything at one go so that I can do other stuff in the afternoon.

Anyway, I returned the first two items already in the shopping cart and went on to meet my God-Sis and her sister at Parkway Parade Shopping Centre. I did not plan to meet them but since I have time now and that they needed to buy a guitar for their dad's birthday, I thought I lent them a hand in choosing one.

As there was a wet market in the vicinity, I decided to get my stuff there. Again to my frustration, I was unable to get some other items in my list - e.g. the de-shelled frozen prawns. I managed to find the cockles though. I went on to the supermarket in the mall and again no prawns.

I was especially grateful to my God-Sis. She drove me to another Sheng Siong outlet and thanks be to God, I found the prawns. That completed what I needed to buy. We went on to pick another sister of hers who just finished school. After that I got a lift home where everyone went up to visit mum. They also wanted to play with my doggy, Sasha.

After they left, I had lunch with my family. I rested for a while before preparing the ingredients for the laksa gravy. In the evening, before I met two of the MacRitchie Running Fellowship members, I cooked the gravy. While doing that, I realised I forgot to buy another important ingredient, the fried toufu (otherwise known as tao-pok). I guess I will buy them tomorrow when I purchase the noodles at the market in my estate.

The time spent with my two brothers-in-Christ was good. They ran in my estate while I went to shop for more stuff. We then chatted at MacDonalds.

When I came home, I prepared the Kuniyaku jellies to be served as desserts tomorrow. That went well. I also did laundry at the same time.

Now that everything is done, I can breathe better. It can be quite tiring preparing for a cook-out but it was fun too since I am doing it for my friends.

Well, what I learnt or was reminded about is basically the need to include God in all areas of my life - that includes cooking. Haha.

Time to sleep. Good night, all!

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

Jesus Prayer

I am tired and I shall keep this blog short. My objective of updating is to covet the prayers of the readers, who are my siblings-in-Christ, to intercede for mum who is unwell again suddenly.

I just came back from the hospital after bringing mum to the Accident and Emergency Department last evening at around 7pm. When I came home from church, I noticed that mum was weak as she was unable to get out of bed. She was feeling very hot as well.

As I feared she would have another stroke, I quickly took her blood pressure, glucose count and temperature and the readings for all were very high! As much as I was very angry with dad and grandma for taking things too easy though they noticed that mum was not well the whole of yesterday, I calmed myself down and suggested sending her to the hospital.

After several hours of observation and tests carried out, the doctor diagnosed that mum has another bout of Urinal Tract Infection, something that she is proned to getting regularly. Though it is not good news to be told of the infection, I am glad that it is not another stroke. I shall monitor mum's condition closely in the next few days to ensure that all is really well.

Despite of the above scare I got, I want to thank God for two things which He made them happened in order for me to help mum. The first thing was this - after church I had initially planned to go out and not come home so early but when I was in the bus, I decided that I should go home. It was this decision which made me find out about mum's ill-health earlier.

The second was when I was in the hospital. I was questioning God when is He going to stop scaring me with mum's health. I also told Him that I do not know how else to pray for her and the family. When I was telling God those words, I remembered the "Jesus Prayer" a Lay Ministry Staff has been meditating on. The words were "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner."

Throughout the 6 hours I was in hospital, I just mouthed those words of prayer for mum and my family. It brought a lot of comfort and I was assured that mum would be discharged.

God truly answered my prayers and I praise Him for that!

Okie, not a short blog afterall.

My eyelids are super-heavy. Time to sleep.

Good morning, all!