Listen. Obey. Do.

The running gang decided to do white river rafting this afternoon. It was done at a Grade 2/3 river where the rapids are quite intense.

Right from the start, we had to follow the commands of the instructor who is seated behind the raft giving commands as to what we should do and all.

It was vital for us to listen to his instructions as he knows best about the river and also the technical aspect of the boat.

In the beginning he was telling us what to do all the time but at the later part, fewer commands were given as my team members knew what to do already.

I guess the above-mentioned can be an analogy of a Christian's life journey.

At all times we must listen to the commands of our Instructor who is God Himself. This comes from reading the Word of God regularly. Not just reading but also practicing whatever it says.

Over time, as we read more and more of the Bible, it becomes part of us that we know what is pleasing and displeasing to God. This then leads to obedience and of course living a life of holiness and godliness pleasing to God and also being a good testimony to the people around us.

It was a great experience when I did the activity because life will have a lot of rapids and only the Instructor knows how to bring us out of them. If we choose not to listen, we will be sucked into the fast currents or be thrown overboard and dragged along by the rapids or even drowned.

Surely I do not want that to happen and I will continue to listen to my God and live my life according to His ways, as His are the best! :)

Well, that said - I pulled my calf muscles and they are now very tight and painful. I'm walking with a limp actually. Hopefully when I go for my massage tomorrow, it would help loosen the strained part.

Praise the Lord for His journey mercies. :)

My Much-Needed Rest

This trip to Bali, though the main objective is to celebrate a good friend's birthday, also serves as a much-needed retreat away from the cares of home and office.

I basically need to catch a breather especially when lately I've been swarmed with having to handle matters at home concerning my parents and grandma.

Work also has a lot of deadlines to meet. A high expectation has also been placed on my shoulders in the curriculum-planning I'm tasked with.

I just did my devotion and I was reading Psalm 92 where the chapter begins with, "It is good to praise the Lord..."

For a while in my journey as a Christian, I never could understand why the Bible always asks the readers to have a heart of thanksgiving towards God and also situations.

It then dawned upon me that with this attitude, it basically allows me to see trials, struggles, anxieties, fears, etc, in a different light. It channels our attention from a bleak situation to that of hope.

It brings us out of a dead-end. It reminds us that we need not struggle through life alone.

That is one thing I like about my God. He almost always asks His children to be counter-culture and that's a good feeling. It makes us unique and at the same time allow us to have joy in the midst of adversity.

Well, a much-needed reminder for me.

Anyway, I enjoyed my first day here. Villa Kamboja, my home for the next three days, is simply stunning. The food served and service rendered to us were excellent!

I basically swam and chilled after settling in. I joined the rest of the running gang in discussing our activities for the next few days. I'm so looking forward to it.

Of course we also want the birthday-boy to enjoy the four-day celebration and make this trip a memorable one for him and all!

Before dinner at A&W, we shopped at Carrefour to buy groceries for the next few days. Man, you should see the amount of stuff we bought. Haha. The next few meals will be sumptuous!

Well, I just had a very relaxing massage. Though just an hour, it was excellent. We are going to do more throughout the course of this trip. :)

Okie dokies, time to sleep! A long day awaits tomorrow as we are all going wide-river rafting! Woohoo!

Good night, all! :)

What Is The Point?

For those of you reading this blog and want to fault me for being rude or unfilial for what I am going to write... so be it. I just need to let the frustration out! If not, I will simply go insane.

Sometimes I do not know what is the point of putting in so much effort taking care of my grandma and parents but in the end I am at fault for occasionally advising them not to do certain things which are detrimental to their health.

The worst thing is that my brother and I have to bear the consequences when things happened.

Sometimes I wonder whether grandma's ability to walk again is a bane or blessing. Of course I would want to see it as the latter but lately she has been giving me such great headaches - refusing to tell me or someone else at home that she is going to the toilet or anywhere else in the home. She basically needs to be accompanied at all times just in case she falls.

Well, fall she did just a few days ago. How? Because she went out of the room on her own, fell and knocked her head against the chair. The back of her head is now blue-black. Thank God the swell has subsided. She is also experiencing a bit of sore around her hip area where the operated part is. Sigh.

If I really want to, I can only say she is to be blamed for it.

Then for mum, she is hospitalised for urinal tract infection. Last December she was admitted for the same reason. I thought she would be more sensible and understanding because she is much younger than grandma but it is not to be. During the trip to Genting Highlands with my dad and uncle, she did not drain her urine as often as she should and the worst part is that she used back the same tube which was not stored in a sterile manner. This then caused the infection.

Again, if I really want to, she is simply to be blamed for her current plight.

As for dad, he knows he has diabetes but he does not take his medication regularly, goes out and eat often and still drinks 3-in-1 coffee which is not good for diabetics. The areas around his ankles are beginning to blacken. I am worried simply looking at the condition but he does not seem to.

Who is to be blamed should one day his legs be amputated or his condition deterioriates? He is.

The last member, though not human, is my dog. Though I cannot blame her but grandma and my parents have secretly been feeding her the new year goodies which are lying around the house and she is happily eating the tidbits. Just now, to my horror, I found grandma feeding her nuts which is a no-no as it would kill the dog. This explains why a few nights ago Sasha was vomiting and purging. There were blood in the puke and stools. Thank God nothing serious happened. Sigh again!

I do not know how else to handle the three old folks. Sometimes I feel like giving up and just let them be but I cannot. But when I care, they find me a nuisance, a nag. They have never considered how they have created so much inconveniences for my brother and me.

Both of us have to make time in the midst of our work to cook for them, do the housework and look after their physical needs. If they listen and are appreciative, it would have made our responsibilities as a grandson and son more joyful but lately we are not feeling it.

I am basically tired and at my wit's end.

The question that always comes to mind is what is the point? What is the point of nursing them back to good health but in the end, they do not take care of themselves and fall sick again?! In and out of hospital they have taken turns to do so. Last December, two of them decided to be admitted at the same time and the best part is while I am away. My poor brother had to handle everything at home and in hospital.

Whenever I asked myself whether it is worth it, I can only pray and ask God to help me persevere as I carry out my duties at home. I also pray that He will grant me patience and self-control because there were times I just felt like exploding. Praise the Lord that He has heard my prayers in these areas.

Now I understand the headaches of having to handle a greying population and I have three to deal with.

Though so far I have shared all the unpleasant areas, time and again I reminded myself to focus on the positive side. I will continue to do so though I have to admit there will come another time when I will again pour out my woes like what I am doing now on this blog.

Anyway, time to end here. My brother just arrived. I will go out for a while and catch a breather.

Weekend Is Here!

I dislike receiving calls from the hospital especially after office hours. It makes my heart jump by a few beats as I do not know whether something has happened to mum. Well, just about 5 minutes ago, a staff from mum's ward called and thank God, it was just to ask me to buy a tube of cream from the pharmacy which the hospital has currently no stock.

It is to treat an infection on her right toe. Apparently while cutting her nails, she went too deep into the skin and it is now infected. For a diabetic, it is dangerous as it may cause the wound to be gangrenous. I shall go find it tomorrow.

Mum is still weak though she is more alert today, as updated to me by dad. I was unable to visit her as I have to work the whole day. I also needed to be home to take care of grandma as my brother has to attend to some matters in the evening pertaining to his work.

Well, in the morning before I left for campus, I cooked the rice, made babi pongteh, boiled some winter-melon soup and also fried eggs with turnips for dad and grandma for their lunch. When I came home I steamed some kailan served with a tinge of oyster sauce and fried shallots.

I am glad most of the dishes have been consumed by grandma and dad.

This week I have no chance to cycle because of work and also having to deal with matters at home. I weighed myself yesterday and realised I have put on 2kg. Looks like I have to find a way to exercise in the midst of all these responsibilities and inconveniences.

Hopefully over the weekends I am able to find time to ride once.

During lunch-time I decided to head for TradeHub 21 Building along Boon Lay Way to check out some bike stuff. I thought I was going to spend a short time there but in the end, I was there for close to an hour plus. Well, I bought a couple of stuff for myself and a dear friend and I am pleased with the purchases because these are items we can use for cycling.

I had to rush back for a meeting and while on my way, it dawned upon me that I have not taken my lunch. Haha. It was really a slip of the mind while being so engrossed with the shopping and discussing with my friend as to what we need to get.

Anyway, when I got back to office I had an energy bar and that lasted till I came home.

I think I shall stop here for now. I have to hang the laundry and also take medication for my sore throat. It does not seem to be getting better.

Good night, all, and have a restful weekend ahead! :)

God Will See Me Through!

When will it ever end?!

That is the question I asked when grandma had another fall a short while ago. Again, it is simply because she refused to heed my advice to call for me when going to the toilet. It does not help that mum came back from her holidays with cramps in her legs and she seems weak.

Looks like it is going to be another night of keeping vigil, just to make sure that grandma and mum are okay. How long can I last having to deal with all these? I really do not know. I can only trust God to guide me one step at a time and give me the strength to deal with situations that may come my way.

I wish I do not have a family with so many medical problems but of course in reality it is not to be. Do I blame my parents and grandma for all the inconveniences they are giving me? Nope but one thing I do ask of them is that they listen to my advice. If they do, a lot of their health issues would have been stabilised.

Do I blame God for the above-mentioned? The answer is no too. He has given us the freedom to live our lives and many have chosen to live the way we think is best but sometimes our best is not to be.

There are moments when I am at my wit's end handling matters concerning the family. I have a friend commenting that there is no need to disturb God all the time. I am thankful basically that my God is there for me each step of the way (even when I think I do not need Him) and that I can trouble Him even with the littlest request. If not for Him, I would not have lasted so long.

I have one major meeting to chair tomorrow. I cannot seem to sleep and I do not know how grandma and mum will be when they wake up later. All I ask is for God's mercy and grace to be upon the family and that when the sun rises, all will be well.

I pray for the domestic helper who will be coming at the end of the month that she too will be able to handle the three old folks. As much as she will alleviate some of my burdens, I also know that she will have to bear a major part of it especially when most of the time I am at work. I trust that God will give her the strength and that I will also be sensitive to the stress she is going to face. She is also a human and it is my prayer that God will help us through.

My neck area feels kind of tight. I hope it will be fine after a while.

I shall end here. Since I cannot seem to sleep, I shall spend some time just reading the Bible and listening to some music.

All of the above-mentioned will come to pass. God be my help.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Morning Conversation With God

I went out on a super-early morning walk because I was unable to sleep the whole night. It has been a while also since I brought my doggy out on a stroll. I have been thinking of a couple of people and issues and perhaps my mind was too active to shut off.

Sometimes thoughts running in our minds can be happy ones but those I was thinking about are not really unhappy ones but more so of a concern and burden. I needed to submit them to God.

The weather was cool as it was threatening to rain but thank God it was withheld during the course of my walk. I talked to God along the way and I told Him what I could not do based on my human abilities for these persons and matters and that He is the only One who can help me and them.

It was a load off as I prayed. My doggy was happy, I guess, being able to get out of the house for a while. I brought her to the park opposite my home and let her loose to run on the grass patch. It was dark but there were already joggers doing their morning rounds.

I will not go into much details about what I spoke to God about but it has to do with how puzzled I am sometimes in how we, as humans, behave - our pessimism, burdens, bitterness, etc. I was also burdened for some of my siblings-in-Christ's walk with God as in I do not know how to encourage them to turn all these to Him and allow Him to play a big part in their lives so that they do not get too bogged down but to live their lives freely and joyfully.

I am not saying that they should not feel the way they are now but not for a prolonged period because we serve a God so almighty that He can help us if we allow Him to. Our lives are already so short - why let all these troubles put us down when we could choose to enjoy our lives in this short transition we have here on earth by giving God a chance to help us?

It may sound easy for me to say all of the above-mentioned but this is precisely something that I am trying to practice in my own life because I also have my woes and they are so evident that sometimes I am at my wit's end as to how to deal with them.

Since my personal retreat late last year, I have learnt to commit to God most areas of my life to Him - I say "most" because I am, like many others, not ready to let go of everything but day by day I am releasing it and I hope one day I will be able to. All I can say is this - I can breathe better by not dealing with life's struggles alone. :)

Anyway, it was a great time spent with God earlier. After I reached home, the rain came pouring down. It reminded me of how the clouds when they are unable to hold all the moisture anymore that they have no choice but to release it as rain. I guess it is the same for our burdens and struggles... we need to pour them out to God so that we can feel light again. :)

The rain, at the same, also reminded me of God's abundant blessings that He is always ever ready to pour forth upon us. The interesting thing is that sometimes we refuse to let Him do so.

Well, a great morning to start off the day. :)

Mum and dad are not in Singapore as they have gone on a short get-away to Genting Highlands. It is good that they are doing that since it has been a while that they left the country. Sadly they cannot go far due to mum's condition but regardless, it is good that they are out on a short break.

That said, my brother and I are holding the fort at home. Though grandma is recovering well, she still needs to be on a constant watch especially her movements at home. The domestic helper is not going to be here till end of the month so we have to bear with the inconveniences for now.

I am just leaving it to God to help us cope during this period.

Well, I shall end here. A new week of adventure to look forward to. :)

Setback Is Progress

For the past one and a half weeks or so, my team has been working on two major modules which are due for update. We submitted our proposals before the Lunar New Year regarding the revamp and was approved by the relevant authorities.

Yesterday we received news that the proposal for one of the modules needs to be re-looked. The reason was that a particular authority involved in the consultation of the revamp decided to change its stance on some of the topics to be taught.

My team and I were very frustrated as we have gone full-steam in the planning. Now we have to go back to the drawing block and submit another proposal which is to be made by this Friday.

Anyway, last night I decided to put aside the disappointment and just worship the Lord with my guitar. As I spent some time in reflection in the midst of the singing, I learnt that setbacks are not meant to put one down but to make best the whole process and at the end of it all, a result far exceeding one's expectations. An assuring feeling then came upon me that God will see my team through. That was all I needed yesterday. :)

When I arrived in campus this morning, my team and I started work on the proposal. We are coping and progressing well. Praise God for that! We just finished the meeting - 6 hours of brain-storming marathon.

I thought I take this time to blog and at the same time eat the smoked salmon sandwiches I made for lunch. Very hungry as I did not really have my brekkie as I was rushing to campus this morning.

I shall end here for now.