Yesterday was the peak of my frustration, stress and burden for having to handle matters concerning home. I felt like screaming; I felt like running away from home (yes, at this age of mine) as I felt very choked up; I felt like blinking all my worries and concerns away.
I went out to catch a breather and while I was in the train I messaged my accountability group members and some close friends to pray for me.
Physically I felt unwell too - my tummy was churning, my left shoulder was aching and my chest was tight. I will not be surprised if one day I will be a stroke patient myself.
What led to the above-mentioned was just how sometimes grandma gets too overly concerned for mum. I am not saying that is bad but overdoing it can get on people's nerves.
Naturally mum is still weak as she is recovering and there grandma keeps pestering me to bring her to see the Chinese physician, citing reasons like since Western medication does not help, perhaps Chinese medication would.
Then she kept asking mum whether she is hungry and that she should drink more plain water than fizzy drinks (which she has not since being discharged); she then went on to ask mum to drink some herbal tea which I felt must be consumed in moderation and not all the time.
What caused me to explode was when mum was sleeping/resting, grandma went to her room and asked her how come she has been sleeping so much and whether she is really alright.
I had to say something here but out of my frustrations, I was insensitive to grandma's feeling by asking her to just leave mum alone. I even made a comment which I knew I should not say but I just could not control at that point of time - that was reminding her of all the curses she used on mum when they were quarrelling in the past and now that she is sick, what is the point of showing so much concern!
Well, going out for a while brought my senses back! I just pray that the Lord will sustain me for as long as possible - sometimes I just feel like giving up. That is the easiest way out but I know I cannot since this is the reality of life and perhaps a point in my pilgrim's journey which I need to trod harder.
This is not a good period for me, I have to say. I pray I will learn something from here which can turn my weaknesses to strengths so that I can cope better when I face another crisis.
With regards to yesterday's struggle, I am still reflecting as to what could I have done better where instead of putting grandma down, I could have affirmed her.
"I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:6-8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
I went out to catch a breather and while I was in the train I messaged my accountability group members and some close friends to pray for me.
Physically I felt unwell too - my tummy was churning, my left shoulder was aching and my chest was tight. I will not be surprised if one day I will be a stroke patient myself.
What led to the above-mentioned was just how sometimes grandma gets too overly concerned for mum. I am not saying that is bad but overdoing it can get on people's nerves.
Naturally mum is still weak as she is recovering and there grandma keeps pestering me to bring her to see the Chinese physician, citing reasons like since Western medication does not help, perhaps Chinese medication would.
Then she kept asking mum whether she is hungry and that she should drink more plain water than fizzy drinks (which she has not since being discharged); she then went on to ask mum to drink some herbal tea which I felt must be consumed in moderation and not all the time.
What caused me to explode was when mum was sleeping/resting, grandma went to her room and asked her how come she has been sleeping so much and whether she is really alright.
I had to say something here but out of my frustrations, I was insensitive to grandma's feeling by asking her to just leave mum alone. I even made a comment which I knew I should not say but I just could not control at that point of time - that was reminding her of all the curses she used on mum when they were quarrelling in the past and now that she is sick, what is the point of showing so much concern!
Well, going out for a while brought my senses back! I just pray that the Lord will sustain me for as long as possible - sometimes I just feel like giving up. That is the easiest way out but I know I cannot since this is the reality of life and perhaps a point in my pilgrim's journey which I need to trod harder.
This is not a good period for me, I have to say. I pray I will learn something from here which can turn my weaknesses to strengths so that I can cope better when I face another crisis.
With regards to yesterday's struggle, I am still reflecting as to what could I have done better where instead of putting grandma down, I could have affirmed her.
"I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:6-8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
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