Desiring For More Of God!

This afternoon I suddenly felt this stagnation in my walk with the Lord and there is this dissatisfaction in me - basically that desire of wanting to know more of God in my life. There are several reasons to this emptiness I am experiencing:-

1) I feel that I have not been reading as much as I should the Word of God. Basically these questions popped up - how would I know the will of God in my life if I am not reading His Word? How would I discern what is right and wrong if His Word is not the lamp unto my feet and the light unto my path?

2) I have also lost the discipline of being quiet. Basically to be still and know that He is God! Many times when I am faced with the struggles of life, the reaction is to deal with them using my own wisdom and understanding. There were also occasions when I just wanted quick solutions. Then came the question - why not just take a step back, put that particular struggle aside, go somewhere quiet and be still? I used to do that very often even when I was busy to go to the breakwaters of certain beaches or to a reservoir and be still.

3) I have been praying daily but I guess my prayers are loads of requests asking God to do this and that but I guess prayers can also be asking God to help me say no to certain desires in my life. That is why certain questions keep hitting me - have I been praying in accordance to God's will? Have I been willing to wait and let God make all things beautiful in His time and not mine?

4) I used to sing songs of praise to God daily even when I was feeling down but I have stopped doing that regularly - if I do not practice giving praise to God at all times, then how would I ever be thankful regardless of the circumstances I am in?

5) I also miss meeting with a group of siblings-in-Christ in a cell group environment - basically to practice certain Christian disciplines of praising, studying God's Word, praying and fellowshipping.

6) Lastly I have been missing worship services quite regularly sometimes citing excuses that it does not meet my needs and that the whole flow was basically mechanical - basically going through the motion. But I guess the question here is this - if coming together on Sundays is to celebrate the discipline of corporate worship, then I should still go but at the same time, feedback to the pastors and leadership about certain observations I have of the service. Only by doing so will we be able to seek God and work together in enhancing the worship atmosphere of the church.

Well, this holy week will be set aside for me to wrestle with God on the above-mentioned. If I call myself a child of God, then I should desire the heart of my Father and look up to Him for directions? If not, this relationship is not authentic at all. If not, I will not be able to testify of His goodness to many who have yet to know Him? If I want Jesus to be made known, then I have to know Him first!

Having been off tangent for a while, my view of life and towards people have been quite negative. Two days ago my sister pointed out to me the heavy tone I used when speaking to my parents. She encouraged to change that.

I am thankful to my sister for pointing that out to me. This is precisely the result of my spiritual state and I am not happy with it!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33