I am going to share something quite private about my family. I decided to do so because I want every one to know that in every household, there are conflicts and differences between children and their parents. I spoke to mum and dad about this and they gave me the green light to share.
I grew up in a tumultous family where my parents used to quarrel quite a bit. There were occasions where the word "divorce" was mentioned. I was abused quite a bit from my hot-tempered mother - caned badly till marks stayed on my flesh for a couple of weeks; my head was smashed against the wall once (if I am totally shaven, one should be able to see the scar); I was left to kneel on the floor for several hours in front of the idols; fresh chilli padis were rubbed against my face and mouth each time I used vulgarities.
I hated mum to the core! She belittled me all the time - makes me wonder why she liked to compare me to my cousins since I was that useless.
Because of the physical, emotional and mental abuses, my natural reaction was to rebel. The more she asked me to study, the more I would not. The more she asked me to behave, I would create troubles.
My results were affected during the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE); I was sent to the normal stream - I attempted the 'O' Level examinations twice which meant I did my secondary education in 6 years wheras my peers either completed it in 4 or 5 years. Things began to change for the better when I decided to do the 'A' Level examinations in a private school. Thanks to a Senior Pastor who changed my attitude and perspective towards my parents and life in general. I will share more about this later.
Dad was always henpecked by mum. He was a man of few words. He still is actually. He listened to mum all the time. There were many occasions where I found him to be a weakling. I wondered sometimes whether he was a man at all!
I have not shared anything good about my parents yet, if you realised. Well, if you were in my shoes, with bitterness and unforgiveness, you would not be able to see anything good in my parents too!
When my Pastor counselled me as to what I wanted to do with my life, that was the beginning of transformation and healing of emotions. I took time to reflect and I sought the Lord for forgiveness for my waywardness. I remembered praying for the courage to forgive mum and dad. Of course it was not immediate but things began to improve because I did not want to let the devil control the situations at home anymore by bearing grudges and hatred against my parents.
Now as I look back, I know my parents meant well but of course, in practice they did not reflect it... probably because mum and dad themselves came from a troubled background with their own parents.
Mum and dad slogged hard at work, just so my brother and I could have a comfortable life. Actually we did - what we wanted, we got it; our pocket money was on the higher side (I think it was S$250 monthly and this was in the 80s, mind you). Mum worked like mad for the sports equipment business she was running; dad never once, in his 30-year career, took medical leave (I am not kidding about this) - even when he was slightly ill, he still went to work. They brought my brother and I for holidays.
When I looked at what my parents did for the family, I cried because it opened my eyes to the struggles they themselves were going through. Sometimes to the point where they got frustrated and of course they would bring all these back home. It was then it occured to me that mum and dad are humans too.
When I did well for my 'A' Level examinations and moved on to the university to do my basic degree and a few years later my Masters degree, mum saw this miraculous change in me. I remembered after I got my 'A' Level results, she came to my room, cried and sought for my forgiveness for having abused me when I was younger. The release came when I nodded my head. I also asked for her forgiveness and that was when the bondage was totally broken and the devil had lost his grip on my family.
There are still some things which are not too positive about my parents - mum burps rather loudly (sometimes in public). The Richter Scale can hit a 3 or 4 if there is a build-up of gas in her. If ever you experience a tremor, it may not necessarily be from Indonesia. Mum may be nearby. She also has this tendency to choke on her food and drinks. Whenever all these happen, I just want to hide my face somewhere. Dad is still quiet. He can be quite petty at times.
But now they do not irk me as much as before because I now remind myself that my parents will never be perfect. If that is the case, I should let go of this idea of having my ideal parents.
I am not ashame to write this account because that is the reality of my family. I think you have your own account about your parents. It troubles my heart every time I hear friends or the youths in church complaining about their parents.
May I challenge all of us to jot down the weaknesses and strengths of our parents; the wrongs that they have done against us; some of the habits we dislike about them. Once you have done that, commit all these to the Lord and ask Him to give you courage to forgive them and also the humility and self-control to accept them as who they are. The bondage against hatred or grudge against our loved ones need to be broken. Only then will we experience peace and harmony. If not, it will always be a struggle and a thorn in the flesh which we will carry for a real long time.
This can also become a generational curse where what our parents did to us, we will do the same thing to our children; our children will then do it to their children and it goes on and on and on.
Do you want that to happen? Food for thought and do act upon them now, not later!
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Colossians 3:20-21
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14
I grew up in a tumultous family where my parents used to quarrel quite a bit. There were occasions where the word "divorce" was mentioned. I was abused quite a bit from my hot-tempered mother - caned badly till marks stayed on my flesh for a couple of weeks; my head was smashed against the wall once (if I am totally shaven, one should be able to see the scar); I was left to kneel on the floor for several hours in front of the idols; fresh chilli padis were rubbed against my face and mouth each time I used vulgarities.
I hated mum to the core! She belittled me all the time - makes me wonder why she liked to compare me to my cousins since I was that useless.
Because of the physical, emotional and mental abuses, my natural reaction was to rebel. The more she asked me to study, the more I would not. The more she asked me to behave, I would create troubles.
My results were affected during the Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE); I was sent to the normal stream - I attempted the 'O' Level examinations twice which meant I did my secondary education in 6 years wheras my peers either completed it in 4 or 5 years. Things began to change for the better when I decided to do the 'A' Level examinations in a private school. Thanks to a Senior Pastor who changed my attitude and perspective towards my parents and life in general. I will share more about this later.
Dad was always henpecked by mum. He was a man of few words. He still is actually. He listened to mum all the time. There were many occasions where I found him to be a weakling. I wondered sometimes whether he was a man at all!
I have not shared anything good about my parents yet, if you realised. Well, if you were in my shoes, with bitterness and unforgiveness, you would not be able to see anything good in my parents too!
When my Pastor counselled me as to what I wanted to do with my life, that was the beginning of transformation and healing of emotions. I took time to reflect and I sought the Lord for forgiveness for my waywardness. I remembered praying for the courage to forgive mum and dad. Of course it was not immediate but things began to improve because I did not want to let the devil control the situations at home anymore by bearing grudges and hatred against my parents.
Now as I look back, I know my parents meant well but of course, in practice they did not reflect it... probably because mum and dad themselves came from a troubled background with their own parents.
Mum and dad slogged hard at work, just so my brother and I could have a comfortable life. Actually we did - what we wanted, we got it; our pocket money was on the higher side (I think it was S$250 monthly and this was in the 80s, mind you). Mum worked like mad for the sports equipment business she was running; dad never once, in his 30-year career, took medical leave (I am not kidding about this) - even when he was slightly ill, he still went to work. They brought my brother and I for holidays.
When I looked at what my parents did for the family, I cried because it opened my eyes to the struggles they themselves were going through. Sometimes to the point where they got frustrated and of course they would bring all these back home. It was then it occured to me that mum and dad are humans too.
When I did well for my 'A' Level examinations and moved on to the university to do my basic degree and a few years later my Masters degree, mum saw this miraculous change in me. I remembered after I got my 'A' Level results, she came to my room, cried and sought for my forgiveness for having abused me when I was younger. The release came when I nodded my head. I also asked for her forgiveness and that was when the bondage was totally broken and the devil had lost his grip on my family.
There are still some things which are not too positive about my parents - mum burps rather loudly (sometimes in public). The Richter Scale can hit a 3 or 4 if there is a build-up of gas in her. If ever you experience a tremor, it may not necessarily be from Indonesia. Mum may be nearby. She also has this tendency to choke on her food and drinks. Whenever all these happen, I just want to hide my face somewhere. Dad is still quiet. He can be quite petty at times.
But now they do not irk me as much as before because I now remind myself that my parents will never be perfect. If that is the case, I should let go of this idea of having my ideal parents.
I am not ashame to write this account because that is the reality of my family. I think you have your own account about your parents. It troubles my heart every time I hear friends or the youths in church complaining about their parents.
May I challenge all of us to jot down the weaknesses and strengths of our parents; the wrongs that they have done against us; some of the habits we dislike about them. Once you have done that, commit all these to the Lord and ask Him to give you courage to forgive them and also the humility and self-control to accept them as who they are. The bondage against hatred or grudge against our loved ones need to be broken. Only then will we experience peace and harmony. If not, it will always be a struggle and a thorn in the flesh which we will carry for a real long time.
This can also become a generational curse where what our parents did to us, we will do the same thing to our children; our children will then do it to their children and it goes on and on and on.
Do you want that to happen? Food for thought and do act upon them now, not later!
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Colossians 3:20-21
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise — "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14
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