Trust

I got a shock yesterday, towards the late afternoon, when I suddenly felt nauseous. I vomited even though I tried to control it. I panicked when I saw blood and some black powdery substances in my puke.

I called my doctor and was advised to visit his clinic immediately. He told me that my stomach ulcers are probably bleeding. Though he said the condition is serious, he felt that it is still alright for me to wait till next Thursday when I am scheduled to go for a procedure to treat the ulcers.

As I walked out of the hospital, I was prompted to head to the Singapore Botanic Gardens which is just next door. I decided to take the time to sit under a gazebo to just be still. I guess God knew I needed the solace. I also took the time to pray about my frustration and discouragement.

As I was reflecting on what have been happening in my life: my struggles at home; in relationships with people; and in my own health issues, I sometimes feel very lonely. It is not that I do not have friends whom I can depend on. It is just that I feel I am troubling them too much with my prayer items and struggles. I also do not wish to put them in a difficult position because I know many times, some of them would not know how to help me.

I confess that lately I would rather keep things to myself and just pour my heart to the one Friend who is always by my side. Though I have been doing that, sometimes I do not hear Him speak and I begin to wonder why this is so.

Then I remembered an article I read on "TRUST" sent to me a few days ago by a dear brother. I guess even during times when God does not seem to speak, I need to trust that in His time He will make all things beautiful.

Since I am on this topic, it is also my prayer that I will be truthful to all my friends as much as I hope they would be truthful to me. If there is no complete trust, the friendship/relationship is incomplete. Not an easy thing to practice in these days and times.

I am feeling quite tired. I did not get to sleep much as I vomited three more times throughout the night and was running a fever.

When will my life be back to normal again I do not know. I hope God knows that I am almost up to my neck.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7