To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
Finally, to let go is to let God.
But remember: The time to love is short.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My Day Two Reflection
In the morning I reflected on a familiar passage taken from Psalm 139. The focus for my retreat today is me.
After reading all 24 verses, I am thankful to God for who I am because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. I am also glad that I have been made in God's image based on yesterday's passages from Genesis 1 to 3.
When I was pondering on the words "fearfully and wonderfully," I was just curious as to why these two words. I did not refer to any guides but when I just closed my eyes and kept still, I basically felt good about being Andy Chew because deep down in my heart I was grateful to God that He took pains in creating me. In God's assembly plant, if there is such a thing, I am not the same as His other creations. I am already a masterpiece in itself. I am unique.
As I reflected further, this other word came to mind - "undefiled." When I entered this world I was basically pure.
Throughout the passage, I was also reminded that God is the Author of my life. He knows my every move; thought; word - He basically knows me inside out but He has never been a dictator.
He basically gives me the freedom to live my life in this fallen world. From an undefiled little baby to who I am now, I am constantly exposed to the teachings of the world but I have a choice whether to follow them or not. Sad to say, many times I do.
Does God condemn me for having rebelled against Him? No. Instead He gave me and everyone else Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for our sins, so that we can choose to come back to Him - to be cleansed and made pure once more. Again He gave me a choice.
Now that I am a child of God, I cannot just live my life as if I am still totally in charge of it. This is where I need to include Him in all that I say and do - hence the verses which read, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)
The above thoughts are just relevant to me as I reflected on the passage. I guess it may not necessarily be the same for others.
Anyway, in the afternoon I went to the same cafe to do the second part of the retreat where I had to answer a few questions on my strengths, weaknesses, pet sins and calling. Again I thought it would have been easy since I have known myself for 39 years. How difficult can that be, right? Well, again I was wrong. I struggled because many times I do not want to know the dark side of my life.
I posted this on my FaceBook after I completed the questionaires, "Deliberately taking time to reflect on me today can be a scary thing... it is either I surrender my all (calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins) to God and continue living purposefully or I totally surrender and give up on myself (because the calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins are so overwhelming)."
Then my Pastor commented on this posting and she made sense. She said, "Reflection is critical to living." We need to regularly take pit stops in our lives to ensure we do not live life blindly but to do a rain-check once in a while so that we can get rid of what is not beneficial to our life's journey and pursue what is good and right in the sight of God.
As I was quite swamped after answering honestly the four areas of calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins, I decided to just leave the cafe and walked around the City Centre to continue my thought process.
Now that it has come to the end of the day, this is my conclusion. I am glad I have been asked to consider my calling and strengths. At least I know why I exist, from now till I die, and I can use my strengths to complement and supplement that calling. Knowing my weaknesses and pet sins are also important not for the sake of just being aware that they are there but to repent from them.
It is also to help me to be always on the watch so that the devil does not use this to affect what God has called me to do and in being a blessing to others.
I also concluded that I cannot do all these by myself. I basically need to be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ. This is where the body of Christ comes in. We must always remember that the Christian journey is never alone. We must always walk with one another. The question is whether we are willing to do that.
Well, that is all for the second day of my retreat.
I am going to sleep early tonight as I would like to do my next day's retreat in Amsterdam. I will take the earliest train out so that I can use the travelling time to do my reflection for tomorrow and also to maximise my time in the capital of The Netherlands.
So much for that. When I was walking around the town area, I basically went to some shops to check out some clothes but I did not buy any as I wanted to survey the prices and also the varieties first. I guess I will only start buying at the end of the week, if any.
Breakfast and dinner were sumptuous as always and I truly thank God for Laurel in always being so diligent in giving her family and I the most yummilicious food. After breakfast I joined Laurel and her two sons, Ben and Isaac, to a flea market to buy some fresh produce. The place was huge and there were just so many things available - from clothes to accessories to vegetables to fruits to fish, etc.
Oh yah, I called home and when grandma spoke to me, she cried. She asked how come I have not been coming home the past few days and whether she had offended me. Because of her dementia, she forgets that I am away hence her thoughts just ran wild. I guess I will call home regularly to assure her that she is not being neglected. I guess this is the least I can do for her. Praise God mum and dad are fine. So are the hammies, love-bird and doggy. :)
That's all.
Good night, everyone!
After reading all 24 verses, I am thankful to God for who I am because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. I am also glad that I have been made in God's image based on yesterday's passages from Genesis 1 to 3.
When I was pondering on the words "fearfully and wonderfully," I was just curious as to why these two words. I did not refer to any guides but when I just closed my eyes and kept still, I basically felt good about being Andy Chew because deep down in my heart I was grateful to God that He took pains in creating me. In God's assembly plant, if there is such a thing, I am not the same as His other creations. I am already a masterpiece in itself. I am unique.
As I reflected further, this other word came to mind - "undefiled." When I entered this world I was basically pure.
Throughout the passage, I was also reminded that God is the Author of my life. He knows my every move; thought; word - He basically knows me inside out but He has never been a dictator.
He basically gives me the freedom to live my life in this fallen world. From an undefiled little baby to who I am now, I am constantly exposed to the teachings of the world but I have a choice whether to follow them or not. Sad to say, many times I do.
Does God condemn me for having rebelled against Him? No. Instead He gave me and everyone else Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for our sins, so that we can choose to come back to Him - to be cleansed and made pure once more. Again He gave me a choice.
Now that I am a child of God, I cannot just live my life as if I am still totally in charge of it. This is where I need to include Him in all that I say and do - hence the verses which read, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)
The above thoughts are just relevant to me as I reflected on the passage. I guess it may not necessarily be the same for others.
Anyway, in the afternoon I went to the same cafe to do the second part of the retreat where I had to answer a few questions on my strengths, weaknesses, pet sins and calling. Again I thought it would have been easy since I have known myself for 39 years. How difficult can that be, right? Well, again I was wrong. I struggled because many times I do not want to know the dark side of my life.
I posted this on my FaceBook after I completed the questionaires, "Deliberately taking time to reflect on me today can be a scary thing... it is either I surrender my all (calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins) to God and continue living purposefully or I totally surrender and give up on myself (because the calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins are so overwhelming)."
Then my Pastor commented on this posting and she made sense. She said, "Reflection is critical to living." We need to regularly take pit stops in our lives to ensure we do not live life blindly but to do a rain-check once in a while so that we can get rid of what is not beneficial to our life's journey and pursue what is good and right in the sight of God.
As I was quite swamped after answering honestly the four areas of calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins, I decided to just leave the cafe and walked around the City Centre to continue my thought process.
Now that it has come to the end of the day, this is my conclusion. I am glad I have been asked to consider my calling and strengths. At least I know why I exist, from now till I die, and I can use my strengths to complement and supplement that calling. Knowing my weaknesses and pet sins are also important not for the sake of just being aware that they are there but to repent from them.
It is also to help me to be always on the watch so that the devil does not use this to affect what God has called me to do and in being a blessing to others.
I also concluded that I cannot do all these by myself. I basically need to be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ. This is where the body of Christ comes in. We must always remember that the Christian journey is never alone. We must always walk with one another. The question is whether we are willing to do that.
Well, that is all for the second day of my retreat.
I am going to sleep early tonight as I would like to do my next day's retreat in Amsterdam. I will take the earliest train out so that I can use the travelling time to do my reflection for tomorrow and also to maximise my time in the capital of The Netherlands.
So much for that. When I was walking around the town area, I basically went to some shops to check out some clothes but I did not buy any as I wanted to survey the prices and also the varieties first. I guess I will only start buying at the end of the week, if any.
Breakfast and dinner were sumptuous as always and I truly thank God for Laurel in always being so diligent in giving her family and I the most yummilicious food. After breakfast I joined Laurel and her two sons, Ben and Isaac, to a flea market to buy some fresh produce. The place was huge and there were just so many things available - from clothes to accessories to vegetables to fruits to fish, etc.
Oh yah, I called home and when grandma spoke to me, she cried. She asked how come I have not been coming home the past few days and whether she had offended me. Because of her dementia, she forgets that I am away hence her thoughts just ran wild. I guess I will call home regularly to assure her that she is not being neglected. I guess this is the least I can do for her. Praise God mum and dad are fine. So are the hammies, love-bird and doggy. :)
That's all.
Good night, everyone!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
My Day One Reflection
I think I have recovered from my jet-lag. It is already 10.15pm here and 4.15am in Singapore and I am still wide awake. Yesterday I was already sleeping like a log as I was super tired. Praise God for allowing me to adapt fast enough so that I can enjoy the remaining four days of my retreat.
Today marks the first day and it was already a thought-provoking session with God and also with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ who are my hosts here.
First things first, I have to say I was humbled. I have known God for 26 years since 1985 and I thought I know Him well enough to answer the questions given to me for today's reflection. Well, that spiritual pride in me was broken and I praise God that today's communion with Him caused me to not take my walk with Him for granted but instead to continue to yearn for more of Him in my life.
Today's focus was on God Himself. Two particular questions posed to me were exceptionally impactful though when you look at them, they may seem similar and so simple to answer.
1) Do you fear God? How is that reflected in your life?
The answer to the first part of the question was a "yes." Then I wrote further and said "but I still sin because my heart and mind are weak. Suddenly these two initial answers stumped me because if I said I fear God, then why am I still sinning against Him? Yes, I can never be sinless but I can surely sin less but has it been so for me?
I wrote further by saying I want to fear God but then the lures of this world can be too great for me to do so.
When I re-read what I wrote, it hit me that I was too quick to answer the question. I guess the modal answer is always a "yes" but that may not necessarily be so in my life right now. Suddenly I became very unsettled.
What I learnt is this - if I truly want to fear God and desire to live a life of godliness and holiness, then I should not be using excuses that my heart and mind are weak or that the lures of this world are simply too great. It is basically pushing of blames which at the end of day still boils down to me. Do I fear God?
If I do, then it is how I surrender my life to God that matters. Once I get the fundamentals right then it can be reflected in the way I live - as a child of God who knows His heartbeat.
2) Is Jesus the Lord and Saviour of your life? How is it reflected in your life?
I know Jesus is my Lord and Saviour. No doubt about it but whether that Lordship is reflected in my life is something that I need to press on to do. When you tell others that you have been saved by someone, that becomes a testimony. So the challenge for me is this - if I have said Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, where and what are my testimonies then?
I learnt that I need to trust God is all areas of my life and not some. By doing so He becomes truly the Lord of my life and no more just the mere profession of it. When I give Him total control, that is when He can work powerfully in and through me.
Well, all of the above-mentioned were very enlightening and I praise God for bringing me back to my senses. After that reflection in the cafe, I just strolled and prayed. I basically let God know that I want to give 100% of my life to Him and will from now on, trust in God and God alone. No more blaming of others but basically strengthening my feeble feet.
Anyway, I was only planning to stay in the cafe at D&V for lunch. Then I decided to watch the National Day Parade on my MacBook Pro while I chomped on my pizza, which was yummy. I was not planning to watch everything but each segment was so captivating that I stayed on.
I was seated along this passage-way that led to the staff's dining area. A couple of the staff who walked by became curious and asked what I was watching. I told them it was Singapore's birthday. In the end there were about four of us watching the parade.
I was initially planning to do my reflection in a park but the wind was so strong that I decided to stay put as the cafe was warm and quiet enough. One of the staff who watched the parade with me gave me a cup of coffee and that really made my day.
I walked the city-centre for a while. After that I needed to go back for dinner. I enjoyed the meal consisting of pastas and mango salad. Of course the fellowship was very insightful.
I shall end here. Looking forward to another day of wrestling with God tomorrow.
Today marks the first day and it was already a thought-provoking session with God and also with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ who are my hosts here.
First things first, I have to say I was humbled. I have known God for 26 years since 1985 and I thought I know Him well enough to answer the questions given to me for today's reflection. Well, that spiritual pride in me was broken and I praise God that today's communion with Him caused me to not take my walk with Him for granted but instead to continue to yearn for more of Him in my life.
Today's focus was on God Himself. Two particular questions posed to me were exceptionally impactful though when you look at them, they may seem similar and so simple to answer.
1) Do you fear God? How is that reflected in your life?
The answer to the first part of the question was a "yes." Then I wrote further and said "but I still sin because my heart and mind are weak. Suddenly these two initial answers stumped me because if I said I fear God, then why am I still sinning against Him? Yes, I can never be sinless but I can surely sin less but has it been so for me?
I wrote further by saying I want to fear God but then the lures of this world can be too great for me to do so.
When I re-read what I wrote, it hit me that I was too quick to answer the question. I guess the modal answer is always a "yes" but that may not necessarily be so in my life right now. Suddenly I became very unsettled.
What I learnt is this - if I truly want to fear God and desire to live a life of godliness and holiness, then I should not be using excuses that my heart and mind are weak or that the lures of this world are simply too great. It is basically pushing of blames which at the end of day still boils down to me. Do I fear God?
If I do, then it is how I surrender my life to God that matters. Once I get the fundamentals right then it can be reflected in the way I live - as a child of God who knows His heartbeat.
2) Is Jesus the Lord and Saviour of your life? How is it reflected in your life?
I know Jesus is my Lord and Saviour. No doubt about it but whether that Lordship is reflected in my life is something that I need to press on to do. When you tell others that you have been saved by someone, that becomes a testimony. So the challenge for me is this - if I have said Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, where and what are my testimonies then?
I learnt that I need to trust God is all areas of my life and not some. By doing so He becomes truly the Lord of my life and no more just the mere profession of it. When I give Him total control, that is when He can work powerfully in and through me.
Well, all of the above-mentioned were very enlightening and I praise God for bringing me back to my senses. After that reflection in the cafe, I just strolled and prayed. I basically let God know that I want to give 100% of my life to Him and will from now on, trust in God and God alone. No more blaming of others but basically strengthening my feeble feet.
Anyway, I was only planning to stay in the cafe at D&V for lunch. Then I decided to watch the National Day Parade on my MacBook Pro while I chomped on my pizza, which was yummy. I was not planning to watch everything but each segment was so captivating that I stayed on.
I was seated along this passage-way that led to the staff's dining area. A couple of the staff who walked by became curious and asked what I was watching. I told them it was Singapore's birthday. In the end there were about four of us watching the parade.
I was initially planning to do my reflection in a park but the wind was so strong that I decided to stay put as the cafe was warm and quiet enough. One of the staff who watched the parade with me gave me a cup of coffee and that really made my day.
I walked the city-centre for a while. After that I needed to go back for dinner. I enjoyed the meal consisting of pastas and mango salad. Of course the fellowship was very insightful.
I shall end here. Looking forward to another day of wrestling with God tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Finally Arrived In The Netherlands
The time here in The Hague is 8.25pm. It is very bright as if it is still day. I am very tired though - still in Singapore time which is 2.25am.
This morning when I left for The Netherlands, my heart was sad due to a reason which I prefer to keep it private. I prayed about it. Though burdened I will have to go through with it but I will not cease praying, holding to the hope that one day God will make everything beautiful.
Anyway, I have blogged a little of what I did in Changi and Dubai airports. I shall blog more now. This was in Dubai when I was seated at the gate, waiting for my flight to Amsterdam. Then came two ladies, a mother and a daughter, who sat next to me.
As they were conversing loud enough for me to hear, I was just wondering whether the language was Khmer. Anyway, I decided to find out more by starting off in greeting them in Khmer. They were surprised when I did that. Of course I told them I am not a Cambodian but have been to their country for more than 30 times.
When they heard my greetings, the mother thought I was a fellow Khmer because she said I sounded and looked like one. Anyway, they knew English so we chatted in English. If we had carried on in Khmer, it would have been a short and awkward conversation.
I found out that the mother left Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime and since then they have been living in The Netherlands. Then she gave birth to her daughter who has since studied in the United Kingdom. I popped a question as to whether they would ever consider going back to Cambodia and their answer was a definite yes. In fact the family have already bought a land and they have returned a couple of times already.
Well, the two ladies were kind enough to even ask me to visit them once they return for good as interestingly, the province they are moving back to is in the Kandal Province. This is where my church's sister-church is located at, in the town of Takhmao.
The flight to Amsterdam was smooth. I did not get to sleep much as it was full and I could not really rest well sitting upright. The immigration and custom clearance was fast but I had to wait a long time to collect my luggage. I was worried for customs initially as I bought mooncakes and pineapple tarts for George, Laurel and their two sons.
I was so happy to meet Laurel outside the airport. She was so kind to travel from The Hague to Amsterdam to pick me up. We took a train and a tram. We caught up with each other during both rides.
When we reached home, I was greeted by two of Laurel's excited sons, Ben and Isaac. They have both grown so tall.
I washed up once I settled in the guestroom. After that I chatted with Laurel and the two boys.
After a while, I excused myself - basically to spend some time writing some thoughts in this journal book that my sister gave me last year and in it, there was still this note she wrote. I always praise God for her as she has been such a blessing to me.
I just had dinner with the family after George came back from work. Praise God for the reunion of friends and also for their hospitality and not forgetting the delicious food.
I shall key off here. Time to sleep. My retreat begins tomorrow and I shall look forward to it.
This morning when I left for The Netherlands, my heart was sad due to a reason which I prefer to keep it private. I prayed about it. Though burdened I will have to go through with it but I will not cease praying, holding to the hope that one day God will make everything beautiful.
Anyway, I have blogged a little of what I did in Changi and Dubai airports. I shall blog more now. This was in Dubai when I was seated at the gate, waiting for my flight to Amsterdam. Then came two ladies, a mother and a daughter, who sat next to me.
As they were conversing loud enough for me to hear, I was just wondering whether the language was Khmer. Anyway, I decided to find out more by starting off in greeting them in Khmer. They were surprised when I did that. Of course I told them I am not a Cambodian but have been to their country for more than 30 times.
When they heard my greetings, the mother thought I was a fellow Khmer because she said I sounded and looked like one. Anyway, they knew English so we chatted in English. If we had carried on in Khmer, it would have been a short and awkward conversation.
I found out that the mother left Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime and since then they have been living in The Netherlands. Then she gave birth to her daughter who has since studied in the United Kingdom. I popped a question as to whether they would ever consider going back to Cambodia and their answer was a definite yes. In fact the family have already bought a land and they have returned a couple of times already.
Well, the two ladies were kind enough to even ask me to visit them once they return for good as interestingly, the province they are moving back to is in the Kandal Province. This is where my church's sister-church is located at, in the town of Takhmao.
The flight to Amsterdam was smooth. I did not get to sleep much as it was full and I could not really rest well sitting upright. The immigration and custom clearance was fast but I had to wait a long time to collect my luggage. I was worried for customs initially as I bought mooncakes and pineapple tarts for George, Laurel and their two sons.
I was so happy to meet Laurel outside the airport. She was so kind to travel from The Hague to Amsterdam to pick me up. We took a train and a tram. We caught up with each other during both rides.
When we reached home, I was greeted by two of Laurel's excited sons, Ben and Isaac. They have both grown so tall.
I washed up once I settled in the guestroom. After that I chatted with Laurel and the two boys.
After a while, I excused myself - basically to spend some time writing some thoughts in this journal book that my sister gave me last year and in it, there was still this note she wrote. I always praise God for her as she has been such a blessing to me.
I just had dinner with the family after George came back from work. Praise God for the reunion of friends and also for their hospitality and not forgetting the delicious food.
I shall key off here. Time to sleep. My retreat begins tomorrow and I shall look forward to it.
Monday, August 08, 2011
Safe Arrival In Dubai
I arrived in Dubai International Airport about an hour ago. The flight from Singapore was okay except for some turbulence here and there.
I was very tired after all the housework and long day in church yesterday. After consuming the light snacks provided and reading a chapter of the book I brought along, I basically occupied all three seats in the row I was given and slept.
My heart was a little troubled when I boarded the plane but I have prayed and submitted my concerns to God.
I am now seated where the gate is. It is surprisingly crowded and it took me a while before I could find a seat.
Anyway, I shall end here.
I was very tired after all the housework and long day in church yesterday. After consuming the light snacks provided and reading a chapter of the book I brought along, I basically occupied all three seats in the row I was given and slept.
My heart was a little troubled when I boarded the plane but I have prayed and submitted my concerns to God.
I am now seated where the gate is. It is surprisingly crowded and it took me a while before I could find a seat.
Anyway, I shall end here.
My Retreat Has Begun...
I just took some time to pray for my parents, grandma, brother and sister. I managed to find a quiet spot at one corner of the airport.
Well, the journey has started and since I have surrendered all my concerns and burdens I have of my loved ones to God, I shall now try to enjoy the time of retreat and just being away from familiar places to be refreshed.
I guess that is all I have to say.
Good night, everyone. Have a great week ahead.
Well, the journey has started and since I have surrendered all my concerns and burdens I have of my loved ones to God, I shall now try to enjoy the time of retreat and just being away from familiar places to be refreshed.
I guess that is all I have to say.
Good night, everyone. Have a great week ahead.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Housework, Packing And Leaving
I am catching a breather now and also giving my nose a rest. Since coming home from the missions training, I have been doing housework: bathed the hammies, love-bird and doggy; changed all the bedsheets in all three rooms; did the laundry - I had to do twice (one for the clothes and the other for the bedsheets); just swept and mopped the floor.
I have been sneezing due to my flu. Just took the medication. I have some more packing to do for the trip. In a couple of hours' time, I will be flying off already and frankly it has not really dawned upon me yet that I am leaving though this was planned about a month ago. I do not know whether this is a bad or good thing.
My heart has been troubled since coming home because my concerns and burdens for my loved ones are making it difficult for me to leave peacefully. I guess later when I am at the airport, I will find a quiet spot to pray and surrender my parents, grandma, brother and sister to God and trust that He will take good care of them while I am away.
I am more worried for grandma as I know she will miss me. She has been asking me non-stop when am I leaving but I had to be patient with her by giving her the same answers. I am ready to incur huge telephone bills as I know she would be calling me while I am away. Anyway, I did ask my parents to remind her that I am not in Singapore - probably that may minimise the calls from grandma.
I guess this trip is different from others because it is a time for me to be refreshed, to do some soul-searching, to spend a lot of time praying for God to make things right within me, in my relationships with my loved ones especially those which had been strained. As much as I am doing my part, I also hope that my loved are doing theirs in mending these broken relationships. I just hope they will be restored so that the fellowship can go on.
All I can do now is hope in the Lord.
I have this feeling that I have forgotten to pack a couple of things but I just cannot put a finger as to what they are.
I shall stop here. Need to clear some rubbish in all the bins and then finish up my packing.
I guess when I board the plane at 1.40am tomorrow, I shall just sleep.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
God's Grace Is More Than Sufficient!
I am tired. I have not packed my stuff for the trip which is about 24 hours away. But I want to blog some thoughts after coming back from The Festival of Praise 2011 at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.
I thank God I went because John Bevere's message tonight was like a prelude to my personal retreat.
He was speaking on "Grace" and I was reminded that God's grace gives me the ability to live an extraordinary life. This grace is God's free empowerment that gives me the means to go beyond my natural ability.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I also learnt that faith is the pipeline to grace.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:1-2
There were many other lessons I took home but the above two are the most relevant in the current state of my journey with God.
The past one and a half years or so, I have forgotten that God has given me His grace, more than sufficient, to live an extraordinary life. Instead I dwelled on the struggles I was going through in handling family matters, discouraged by my foiled plan to go into full-time ministry and in turn letting all these affect my relationships with my loved ones.
This also speaks of the lack of faith I had in God to help me overcome the above struggles.
John Bevere at the closing of his message challenged everyone in the stadium to tap on this grace that God has freely given us to live that extraordinary life but we are not to stop there. We should go a step further and win lives for Christ by the way we live!
The reason why many Christians are living a mediocre lifestyle is mainly due to our lack of knowledge of God's grace. If only every child of God can live that extraordinary life through grace, our walk with God can never go dry or mundane.
Well, this is a good start to more lessons I will learning from God during my retreat.
For this trip, I am really going by faith because I am packing my bag to travel into an unknown territory which I did not really research on like my previous holidays. In a way it is good because this lack of knowledge of the new environment will not distract me from the very objective of being refreshed by God and also to seek Him for my future direction in life.
Throughout the course of typing out this blog, I have been blowing my nose constantly. I think I have the flu and I am praying God will make me well before I leave on early Monday morning.
I shall end here.
I thank God I went because John Bevere's message tonight was like a prelude to my personal retreat.
He was speaking on "Grace" and I was reminded that God's grace gives me the ability to live an extraordinary life. This grace is God's free empowerment that gives me the means to go beyond my natural ability.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I also learnt that faith is the pipeline to grace.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:1-2
There were many other lessons I took home but the above two are the most relevant in the current state of my journey with God.
The past one and a half years or so, I have forgotten that God has given me His grace, more than sufficient, to live an extraordinary life. Instead I dwelled on the struggles I was going through in handling family matters, discouraged by my foiled plan to go into full-time ministry and in turn letting all these affect my relationships with my loved ones.
This also speaks of the lack of faith I had in God to help me overcome the above struggles.
John Bevere at the closing of his message challenged everyone in the stadium to tap on this grace that God has freely given us to live that extraordinary life but we are not to stop there. We should go a step further and win lives for Christ by the way we live!
The reason why many Christians are living a mediocre lifestyle is mainly due to our lack of knowledge of God's grace. If only every child of God can live that extraordinary life through grace, our walk with God can never go dry or mundane.
Well, this is a good start to more lessons I will learning from God during my retreat.
For this trip, I am really going by faith because I am packing my bag to travel into an unknown territory which I did not really research on like my previous holidays. In a way it is good because this lack of knowledge of the new environment will not distract me from the very objective of being refreshed by God and also to seek Him for my future direction in life.
Throughout the course of typing out this blog, I have been blowing my nose constantly. I think I have the flu and I am praying God will make me well before I leave on early Monday morning.
I shall end here.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Work Still In Progress
I just finished washing the windbreaker and jacket I need to use for my trip this Monday. I also did the rest of the laundry.
In between the washing and hanging of the laundry, I took the time to reflect on what happened last night with my parents and grandma and also the moment I spent with two dear siblings-in-Christ over dinner this evening.
During this period when I am struggling in my relationships with my loved ones, I have to confess I harboured hatred against them for not appreciating my love and concern. I also admit I have stumbled them before when my life was not in check but lately I have come to realise my complacency and have been actively working on my walk with God and also on my relationships with my loved ones.
While praying, God opened my eyes to a few lessons I can learn from here.
1) Hatred looks at the fault whereas love sees through that same fault and focuses on the person behind it. That person (it could be you or me) matters to God because all of us are still work in progress.
2) If we are all still work in progress, who are we to find fault with others? Is it not hypocritical? Instead should we not help each other to become better individuals by means of affirmation rather than criticism? By means of forgiveness rather than grudge? By means of walking with each other than walking away from each other?
I will continue to ponder on the above-mentioned at the retreat. :)
The fellowship over dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ was a good one. I needed their counsel on a matter I have been praying about lately and that prayer has been answered but not one that I was hoping for. No matter what, it is still an answered prayer! Praise the Lord for that!
Life will still go on for me. In fact I will be using the retreat to seek God further on this matter as I have been challenged by these dear couple to not close the door but to consider my options. Whichever way God directs me, I know I will still be happy. That is good enough for me. :)
Anyway, that aside we also discussed about another matter. I gained a lot of insights from that conversation itself because one of them has been through it. It now helps me to be more objective in my prayer and I know God will answer it in due time. No doubt about that whatsoever! What I need to do is to press on.
Through tonight's dinner fellowship, I learnt another precious lesson - God always allows certain experiences we go through for a reason. Sometimes they break us but what comes next is the building and moulding. He never stops till the job is done. The result is that of a finely-crafted masterpiece!
Good night and have a restful weekend. :)
In between the washing and hanging of the laundry, I took the time to reflect on what happened last night with my parents and grandma and also the moment I spent with two dear siblings-in-Christ over dinner this evening.
During this period when I am struggling in my relationships with my loved ones, I have to confess I harboured hatred against them for not appreciating my love and concern. I also admit I have stumbled them before when my life was not in check but lately I have come to realise my complacency and have been actively working on my walk with God and also on my relationships with my loved ones.
While praying, God opened my eyes to a few lessons I can learn from here.
1) Hatred looks at the fault whereas love sees through that same fault and focuses on the person behind it. That person (it could be you or me) matters to God because all of us are still work in progress.
2) If we are all still work in progress, who are we to find fault with others? Is it not hypocritical? Instead should we not help each other to become better individuals by means of affirmation rather than criticism? By means of forgiveness rather than grudge? By means of walking with each other than walking away from each other?
I will continue to ponder on the above-mentioned at the retreat. :)
The fellowship over dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ was a good one. I needed their counsel on a matter I have been praying about lately and that prayer has been answered but not one that I was hoping for. No matter what, it is still an answered prayer! Praise the Lord for that!
Life will still go on for me. In fact I will be using the retreat to seek God further on this matter as I have been challenged by these dear couple to not close the door but to consider my options. Whichever way God directs me, I know I will still be happy. That is good enough for me. :)
Anyway, that aside we also discussed about another matter. I gained a lot of insights from that conversation itself because one of them has been through it. It now helps me to be more objective in my prayer and I know God will answer it in due time. No doubt about that whatsoever! What I need to do is to press on.
Through tonight's dinner fellowship, I learnt another precious lesson - God always allows certain experiences we go through for a reason. Sometimes they break us but what comes next is the building and moulding. He never stops till the job is done. The result is that of a finely-crafted masterpiece!
Good night and have a restful weekend. :)
I Can Do All Things!
Last night I had to fight fire at home. When I went into my room after coming home from my day-trip to Johor with some youth leaders, grandma asked me again how come I have not given her her monthly allowance. I had to once again bring her to her room to show her where she kept the money. Even after seeing the money, she did not believe me.
Then mum had to come in to intervene... asking my grandma how come she is so forgetful and always giving the family problems. The one thing which I do not want my family to do to grandma is happening right there and then. Everyone must remember that grandma is not trying to create problems on purpose but it is very much due to the condition of her dementia. I guess mum was reacting out of frustration. Anyway, the damage was done and grandma got angrier because of mum's remarks.
I told grandma to consider where the money came from if I had not given them to her before pulling mum away. Again I had to remind mum to be careful in using her words. I also told her that it is frustrating for everyone at home to see the state of grandma's condition but we just have to bear with it.
Then came dad. Earlier I asked him to change his clothes as I noticed it was the same ones he wore yesterday. He was not too happy and remarked that he would change as and when he wishes to. He even said things like "come back only always got this and that to say."
There and then the voice in me just kept asking me to just scream and ask everyone to shut up. Instead I retreated into my room, closed the door and just sat on my bed stumped. When I reached home, I was tired. After greeting my parents and grandma all I wanted to do was to go into my room and just do my stuff. Then one incident after another just came and dad had to insinuate that I have so much things to say. If nothing had happened, I would not have said anything in the first place.
I was very discouraged when I cried out to God my frustrations and disappointments. These past few weeks I have been conscientiously making the effort to do what is right and beneficial to my loved ones. I have to even restrain myself from doing certain things which I usually would. Though all these are not really a me thing, I have no choice. I simply just do not want to aggravate matters or affect my loved ones should I take things into my hands.
But last night, doubts came and I wonder whether all these that I have done for my loved ones are worth the while at all. I am a human too. I have feelings. I am not even asking them to be appreciative of what I do. Some kind words or loving gestures do help though I am not even asking for these. Just do not hurt me when these past few weeks I have been careful not to hurt others.
Many times questions still come into my mind as to why my loved ones are reacting to me negatively when all these while what I have done is out of love and concern for them. I have learnt to shun these aside as it is not important. What matters nowadays is so long as my loved ones are happy, that is good enough for me.
I am not sharing all these to make me sound as if I have sacrificed so much. Frankly I do not really care about all these. I just wish they will spare some thoughts for me. That's all.
Anyway, I was unable to sleep the whole night. I just spent the waking hours reading God's Word, a book and listening to music. I was initially planning to surf the net about the country I am visiting for my retreat but in the end had no mood to do so. In fact, I am not really looking forward to it now as I do not know how things will be at home during my absence.
I spent a considerable amount of time praying that God will protect my loved ones while I am away and that He will cover everyone with His blood so that nothing major would happen to them. It is a real fear but I have to surrender it to Him.
I messaged a couple of my siblings-in-Christ to pray about the above-mentioned as I was just overwhelmed. I was also tempted to do something silly but I prayed against it. That is how bad things can be for me but I thank God I can always use His Word to cast all negative thoughts or temptations away.
Anyway, this morning I did not get a chance to talk to to grandma and my parents as I did not feel it was appropriate still.
I need to go. I have to meet two dear siblings-in-Christ soon for dinner.
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Then mum had to come in to intervene... asking my grandma how come she is so forgetful and always giving the family problems. The one thing which I do not want my family to do to grandma is happening right there and then. Everyone must remember that grandma is not trying to create problems on purpose but it is very much due to the condition of her dementia. I guess mum was reacting out of frustration. Anyway, the damage was done and grandma got angrier because of mum's remarks.
I told grandma to consider where the money came from if I had not given them to her before pulling mum away. Again I had to remind mum to be careful in using her words. I also told her that it is frustrating for everyone at home to see the state of grandma's condition but we just have to bear with it.
Then came dad. Earlier I asked him to change his clothes as I noticed it was the same ones he wore yesterday. He was not too happy and remarked that he would change as and when he wishes to. He even said things like "come back only always got this and that to say."
There and then the voice in me just kept asking me to just scream and ask everyone to shut up. Instead I retreated into my room, closed the door and just sat on my bed stumped. When I reached home, I was tired. After greeting my parents and grandma all I wanted to do was to go into my room and just do my stuff. Then one incident after another just came and dad had to insinuate that I have so much things to say. If nothing had happened, I would not have said anything in the first place.
I was very discouraged when I cried out to God my frustrations and disappointments. These past few weeks I have been conscientiously making the effort to do what is right and beneficial to my loved ones. I have to even restrain myself from doing certain things which I usually would. Though all these are not really a me thing, I have no choice. I simply just do not want to aggravate matters or affect my loved ones should I take things into my hands.
But last night, doubts came and I wonder whether all these that I have done for my loved ones are worth the while at all. I am a human too. I have feelings. I am not even asking them to be appreciative of what I do. Some kind words or loving gestures do help though I am not even asking for these. Just do not hurt me when these past few weeks I have been careful not to hurt others.
Many times questions still come into my mind as to why my loved ones are reacting to me negatively when all these while what I have done is out of love and concern for them. I have learnt to shun these aside as it is not important. What matters nowadays is so long as my loved ones are happy, that is good enough for me.
I am not sharing all these to make me sound as if I have sacrificed so much. Frankly I do not really care about all these. I just wish they will spare some thoughts for me. That's all.
Anyway, I was unable to sleep the whole night. I just spent the waking hours reading God's Word, a book and listening to music. I was initially planning to surf the net about the country I am visiting for my retreat but in the end had no mood to do so. In fact, I am not really looking forward to it now as I do not know how things will be at home during my absence.
I spent a considerable amount of time praying that God will protect my loved ones while I am away and that He will cover everyone with His blood so that nothing major would happen to them. It is a real fear but I have to surrender it to Him.
I messaged a couple of my siblings-in-Christ to pray about the above-mentioned as I was just overwhelmed. I was also tempted to do something silly but I prayed against it. That is how bad things can be for me but I thank God I can always use His Word to cast all negative thoughts or temptations away.
Anyway, this morning I did not get a chance to talk to to grandma and my parents as I did not feel it was appropriate still.
I need to go. I have to meet two dear siblings-in-Christ soon for dinner.
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Encouragement Received; Spirit Lifted
Since coming home I have been busy catching all my pets for their weekly bath - first were my hammies (one of them looks sick); then the love-bird; and lastly my doggy. I just finished hanging the laundry and looking at the clock, I did not know it has passed midnight.
In between bathing my pets and waiting for the washing machine to complete its cycle, I had to help a dear sister-in-Christ retrieve her photos which she and I painstakingly took during a photo-shoot session in her studio last evening.
When her hubby called and told me about one of her MacBook Pro's softwares crashing on her while downloading the photos, I prayed and asked God to intervene in this matter. I know how frustrating it can be to lose the photos as she needs to use them soon for a launch.
I suggested to her hubby to try downloading the SD card into his own computer. I waited over the phone (and continued praying) as he did that and all glory to God, the photos were able to download and nothing was lost! Initially the couple thought they were gone as there were no pictures in the card. Praise God that the software in my sister-in-Christ's MBP managed to work again after she re-started it. Hallelujah! :)
Yesterday was a fun but tiring one. I helped the same sister-in-Christ in doing some data-entries for her business. After that we had lunch with her mum. Even now as I open and close my eyes, there are nothing but numbers. :) I am thankful to God that I managed to lighten her workload a little. Hopefully the figures entered are all correct.
Towards the evening when she managed to finish her side of the work, she decided to do the photo-shoot. It has been a while since I last did fashion photography but I was so looking forward to it. I remembered enjoying this kind of photography when I was teaching my students about it almost two years ago. :)
I was also teaching my sister-in-Christ some new techniques so that she can achieve a more natural and candid shots. I am glad she enjoyed those new moves. I was also happy when some of the shots turned out pretty good. :) She was telling her hubby how I was ooh-ing and aah-ing when we viewed the photos. Of course I had to react that way because I was pleased with the photos. :)
Yesterday's session has sparked that desire in me to do more photography. I have stopped for a while especially since I have been unwell for the past three months or so. Well, I have decided to bring my camera equipment to The Netherlands. When I have the time I will do some photography. I think this would help aid my personal retreat as I admire the beauty of God's creation in another part of the world.
Well, I shall end here. I am thankful to this dear sister-in-Christ who has opened her office for me so that I can come and do my own work and also to help her when the need arises. The fellowship with her and her hubby these couple of weeks have lifted my spirit a little and also taken the attention off some of the struggles I am still experiencing.
God is indeed good to have provided such dear siblings-in-Christ. I will always be grateful to Him and them. :)
I shall now go spend some time in prayer.
Good night, everyone! :)
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
In between bathing my pets and waiting for the washing machine to complete its cycle, I had to help a dear sister-in-Christ retrieve her photos which she and I painstakingly took during a photo-shoot session in her studio last evening.
When her hubby called and told me about one of her MacBook Pro's softwares crashing on her while downloading the photos, I prayed and asked God to intervene in this matter. I know how frustrating it can be to lose the photos as she needs to use them soon for a launch.
I suggested to her hubby to try downloading the SD card into his own computer. I waited over the phone (and continued praying) as he did that and all glory to God, the photos were able to download and nothing was lost! Initially the couple thought they were gone as there were no pictures in the card. Praise God that the software in my sister-in-Christ's MBP managed to work again after she re-started it. Hallelujah! :)
Yesterday was a fun but tiring one. I helped the same sister-in-Christ in doing some data-entries for her business. After that we had lunch with her mum. Even now as I open and close my eyes, there are nothing but numbers. :) I am thankful to God that I managed to lighten her workload a little. Hopefully the figures entered are all correct.
Towards the evening when she managed to finish her side of the work, she decided to do the photo-shoot. It has been a while since I last did fashion photography but I was so looking forward to it. I remembered enjoying this kind of photography when I was teaching my students about it almost two years ago. :)
I was also teaching my sister-in-Christ some new techniques so that she can achieve a more natural and candid shots. I am glad she enjoyed those new moves. I was also happy when some of the shots turned out pretty good. :) She was telling her hubby how I was ooh-ing and aah-ing when we viewed the photos. Of course I had to react that way because I was pleased with the photos. :)
Yesterday's session has sparked that desire in me to do more photography. I have stopped for a while especially since I have been unwell for the past three months or so. Well, I have decided to bring my camera equipment to The Netherlands. When I have the time I will do some photography. I think this would help aid my personal retreat as I admire the beauty of God's creation in another part of the world.
Well, I shall end here. I am thankful to this dear sister-in-Christ who has opened her office for me so that I can come and do my own work and also to help her when the need arises. The fellowship with her and her hubby these couple of weeks have lifted my spirit a little and also taken the attention off some of the struggles I am still experiencing.
God is indeed good to have provided such dear siblings-in-Christ. I will always be grateful to Him and them. :)
I shall now go spend some time in prayer.
Good night, everyone! :)
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Visiting Old Friends
I praise God for sustaining me through this day even though I had only about an hour of sleep this morning.
Towards the late morning, I had an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ whom I met over lunch. It was a good two-hour of fellowship. He is a psychologist by training and despite of his busy schedules, this is his second time he has met me.
As I will be going on a personal retreat next Monday to The Netherlands, he gave me some guidelines on how my retreat is to be carried out so that I can reflect and evaluate on some major areas of my life which have been a struggle for me.
There are going to be a couple of difficult questions to ponder but he said it would be beneficial for me especially when I come clean with God with all the struggles I am facing which have drained me spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Well, if it is going to help me grow, then I am game to let God break me.
I was planning to watch a movie after lunch but did not get down to do it. I was supposed to help a dear sister-in-Christ capture some shots of the church facilities but she is off today. I told her I will do so on Friday morning.
I do not know why but suddenly I felt the need to visit two elderly friends whom I got to know several years ago. They live in Chinatown and I used to cook for them during the Chinese New Year period. There were more of them before but now there are only two left. The rest have passed on... many left this world alone. I remembered not seeing their children at their funerals.
Anyway, I bought some Chinese tea leaves for them. As I did not inform them that I was coming, I prayed while on my way that they would be at home. Well, they were. I bumped into one of them (Ah Kim Soh) at the small little garden where Sheng Siong Supermarket is located. She was sitting all by herself. The other (Pui Soh) was at home. Both of us went up to the flat to find Pui Soh. These are the names their friends usually address them as. I call them "ah ma" basically as a respect to their seniority. Ah Kim Soh is 86 and Pui Soh is 90.
Pui Soh was home because her arthritis condition has worsened these past few weeks but she was happy to see me. We had to wait outside the gate for a while as she walked slowly and painfully to open it for us.
I gave them the tea leaves and we brewed some as we caught up with one another. In the course of our conversation, I could tell that both of them are just waiting for death to visit them. I tried my best to help them see the brighter side of life. I am glad Ah Kim Soh's son has been visiting her regularly but for Pui Soh she is all alone because her two children have passed on. Volunteers usually come to her place to help her do some house-cleaning once a week.
Anyway, usual teasings from them... as in how come I am still not married; how come I do not want to quickly find a girl and settle down; Ah Kim Soh, who used to be a matchmaker when she was young, said that she can introduce some to me but many are around her age. "You want?" She said. Haha. She is just so funny.
I was with them for about an hour or so. Before I left Pui Soh's place, I helped her cook the porridge which she will consume for dinner today and breakfast tomorrow.
On my way to Millennia Walk where I decided to spend some time at Coffee Bean cafe to share some thoughts with my cell group over the FaceBook, I prayed for my two elderly friends. I missed those times when there were more of them - 7 in all. While I was at the flat, I could still remember their laughters when they feasted over a simple meal together in celebration of the Lunar New Year.
Sigh. That's life. We all come and go.
The person I missed most is the late Aunty Poh Geok... she would sit every morning on this elevated concrete step selling her kuehs which a kind supplier would give her every day. The earnings are for her to keep.
When I was at Sheng Siong supermarket, then it was Popular Bookstore, I could still picture her leaning forward and backward waiting for customers to buy her food. Whenever I buy from her, she would give me more. Her smile will always be etched in my memory. I miss her a lot, I must say.
Anyway, I shall end here before I get too emotional. Praise God for every one of them.
Towards the late morning, I had an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ whom I met over lunch. It was a good two-hour of fellowship. He is a psychologist by training and despite of his busy schedules, this is his second time he has met me.
As I will be going on a personal retreat next Monday to The Netherlands, he gave me some guidelines on how my retreat is to be carried out so that I can reflect and evaluate on some major areas of my life which have been a struggle for me.
There are going to be a couple of difficult questions to ponder but he said it would be beneficial for me especially when I come clean with God with all the struggles I am facing which have drained me spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Well, if it is going to help me grow, then I am game to let God break me.
I was planning to watch a movie after lunch but did not get down to do it. I was supposed to help a dear sister-in-Christ capture some shots of the church facilities but she is off today. I told her I will do so on Friday morning.
I do not know why but suddenly I felt the need to visit two elderly friends whom I got to know several years ago. They live in Chinatown and I used to cook for them during the Chinese New Year period. There were more of them before but now there are only two left. The rest have passed on... many left this world alone. I remembered not seeing their children at their funerals.
Anyway, I bought some Chinese tea leaves for them. As I did not inform them that I was coming, I prayed while on my way that they would be at home. Well, they were. I bumped into one of them (Ah Kim Soh) at the small little garden where Sheng Siong Supermarket is located. She was sitting all by herself. The other (Pui Soh) was at home. Both of us went up to the flat to find Pui Soh. These are the names their friends usually address them as. I call them "ah ma" basically as a respect to their seniority. Ah Kim Soh is 86 and Pui Soh is 90.
Pui Soh was home because her arthritis condition has worsened these past few weeks but she was happy to see me. We had to wait outside the gate for a while as she walked slowly and painfully to open it for us.
I gave them the tea leaves and we brewed some as we caught up with one another. In the course of our conversation, I could tell that both of them are just waiting for death to visit them. I tried my best to help them see the brighter side of life. I am glad Ah Kim Soh's son has been visiting her regularly but for Pui Soh she is all alone because her two children have passed on. Volunteers usually come to her place to help her do some house-cleaning once a week.
Anyway, usual teasings from them... as in how come I am still not married; how come I do not want to quickly find a girl and settle down; Ah Kim Soh, who used to be a matchmaker when she was young, said that she can introduce some to me but many are around her age. "You want?" She said. Haha. She is just so funny.
I was with them for about an hour or so. Before I left Pui Soh's place, I helped her cook the porridge which she will consume for dinner today and breakfast tomorrow.
On my way to Millennia Walk where I decided to spend some time at Coffee Bean cafe to share some thoughts with my cell group over the FaceBook, I prayed for my two elderly friends. I missed those times when there were more of them - 7 in all. While I was at the flat, I could still remember their laughters when they feasted over a simple meal together in celebration of the Lunar New Year.
Sigh. That's life. We all come and go.
The person I missed most is the late Aunty Poh Geok... she would sit every morning on this elevated concrete step selling her kuehs which a kind supplier would give her every day. The earnings are for her to keep.
When I was at Sheng Siong supermarket, then it was Popular Bookstore, I could still picture her leaning forward and backward waiting for customers to buy her food. Whenever I buy from her, she would give me more. Her smile will always be etched in my memory. I miss her a lot, I must say.
Anyway, I shall end here before I get too emotional. Praise God for every one of them.
Sleep Deprived But Prayers Arise
After I hung the laundry last night, I tried to sleep but could not as my heart suddenly felt very troubled. I also do not know why that burden came. I basically got down on my knees and spent a considerable amount of time praying about the thoughts that came through my mind.
Since I could not sleep, I just listened to some music while I was on my bed. I only slept for an hour before waking up again. Though sleepy, I basically took out my guitar and worshipped God and read His Word.
The verse that ministered to me today is taken from 2 Timothy 4:7 where it reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
I wish I could say these words eventually. During these period of picking myself up and having to deal with matters of my loved ones, my emotions have been going up and down, though not as bad but there were moments when I feel like giving up on myself, others and even God.
On myself because I just feel very drained. Sometimes I am disappointed with myself for letting some of my loved ones down. There were several times I have no idea how to help my loved ones when I know they are struggling. Occasionally I also do not know where I stand in their lives... whether I am still a significant part of them. Many times I want to give up because in trying my best to do things for my loved one, instead of being appreciated, I was misunderstood.
On others because I do not know whether my presence in their lives is more of a blessing or a stumbling block. Sometimes I feel they are not responding to all the things I am doing for them. I basically do not know all that I am doing for them or sometimes restraining myself from doing have helped. There were many times when I felt that maybe they would be better off without me.
On God, I feel I have let Him down when I get a little impatient when I do not see Him answering my prayers. There were moments when I just cried out to Him because the requests I submitted to Him weighs so much on my heart. Sometimes I wish He could just intervene in the lives of my loved ones so that they need not suffer/struggle anymore. That is why there were occasions when I took things in my own hands and instead of making them better, I made a boo-boo.
Thank God lately I am learning to surrender everything to Him but being a human, I still err. That is why it is my prayer that I will be able to proclaim one day what Paul had mentioned in the verse I shared above. Perseverance and trust are what I need.
I shall key off here as I have an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ at 10.30am. Perhaps after the session with him I shall go watch a movie.
I think I am going to fall sick as my throat is painful and I am sniffing. I hope they will be healed before I go on my retreat.
Since I could not sleep, I just listened to some music while I was on my bed. I only slept for an hour before waking up again. Though sleepy, I basically took out my guitar and worshipped God and read His Word.
The verse that ministered to me today is taken from 2 Timothy 4:7 where it reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
I wish I could say these words eventually. During these period of picking myself up and having to deal with matters of my loved ones, my emotions have been going up and down, though not as bad but there were moments when I feel like giving up on myself, others and even God.
On myself because I just feel very drained. Sometimes I am disappointed with myself for letting some of my loved ones down. There were several times I have no idea how to help my loved ones when I know they are struggling. Occasionally I also do not know where I stand in their lives... whether I am still a significant part of them. Many times I want to give up because in trying my best to do things for my loved one, instead of being appreciated, I was misunderstood.
On others because I do not know whether my presence in their lives is more of a blessing or a stumbling block. Sometimes I feel they are not responding to all the things I am doing for them. I basically do not know all that I am doing for them or sometimes restraining myself from doing have helped. There were many times when I felt that maybe they would be better off without me.
On God, I feel I have let Him down when I get a little impatient when I do not see Him answering my prayers. There were moments when I just cried out to Him because the requests I submitted to Him weighs so much on my heart. Sometimes I wish He could just intervene in the lives of my loved ones so that they need not suffer/struggle anymore. That is why there were occasions when I took things in my own hands and instead of making them better, I made a boo-boo.
Thank God lately I am learning to surrender everything to Him but being a human, I still err. That is why it is my prayer that I will be able to proclaim one day what Paul had mentioned in the verse I shared above. Perseverance and trust are what I need.
I shall key off here as I have an appointment with a dear brother-in-Christ at 10.30am. Perhaps after the session with him I shall go watch a movie.
I think I am going to fall sick as my throat is painful and I am sniffing. I hope they will be healed before I go on my retreat.
Monday, August 01, 2011
God, Please Take Care Of My Family
Though I am looking forward to my personal retreat next week over a period of 10 days, I know one part of me will remain at home because I am quite concerned for my loved ones especially my parents and grandma.
When I came back, grandma went into my room and asked how come I have not given her her monthly allowance. I brought her to her room, closed the door, sat with her on the bed, and tried to help her recall this morning when I passed her the money which I asked her to place them in her favourite bag which she has held for years.
It is quite interesting that she has never taken that bag out of the house except within the confines of her room. It was apparently a gift by my late grandpa a few months before he passed on. He died in his late forties and grandma has been widowed since then. She told me this story when I was quite young.
Anyway, she knows exactly where she places that bag. When I mentioned it to her, she knew what I was referring to. This small bag has been with her for almost forty years.
I asked her to bring it out of the cupboard. She did. I asked her to open it. She did. When she saw the money in there, she then remembered. She apologised and said that she has been forgetful lately.
I told her it was okay and I prayed with her. I asked God to help my grandma not to get frustrated when she cannot remember. I also prayed that she will always go to God in prayer when she starts to think of negative or unpleasant things. I also requested for His protection upon grandma and that she will continue to enjoy each day of her life. Before I closed the prayer I asked of God to take care of her when I am away.
I was overwhelmed with tears suddenly. Just as much as I have to make the difficult decision to leave my family for a while (just to make sure that my spiritual, physical, emotional and mental well-being are in check), I know it is also not easy to just go like that.
After I interceded for grandma, I went into my own room and just kept quiet for a while. I could sense God's comforting hand upon me and this peace that He would take care of grandma, mum, dad, my brother and sister.
I know He will.
On my way home after having dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ in Geylang Serai where we had beef kebabs, Ramly beef burgers and putu pirings, I headed for the Circle Line to take a train home. I was listening to some music and reading a book. Being engrossed in them, I did not notice I had taken the wrong escalator. I boarded the train when it arrived and when it stopped at the next station, I realised it was heading the wrong direction.
I crossed over to the other platform and boarded the next train. I alighted at Serangoon Station to change to the North-East Line. This time I boarded the right train but I alighted at the wrong station. I forgot that between the station I am supposed to alight and the one I boarded the train from, there is one new station which has just opened.
What an adventure.
Just in case some of you may be wondering why I asked grandma to keep the money in her favourite bag... well, people with dementia remember things which happened years ago. Since this bag has been with her for so long, I thought this would help her remember better so that she does not keep her valuables all over her room. I also know they would be safe in there since she does not bear to bring the bag out of the house.
As a caregiver I am basically trying my best to help grandma in the current state she is in. I always try different methods and if they are of help to her, then praise the Lord for them.
There are more to share but I shall leave them to another day.
Good night, everyone.
When I came back, grandma went into my room and asked how come I have not given her her monthly allowance. I brought her to her room, closed the door, sat with her on the bed, and tried to help her recall this morning when I passed her the money which I asked her to place them in her favourite bag which she has held for years.
It is quite interesting that she has never taken that bag out of the house except within the confines of her room. It was apparently a gift by my late grandpa a few months before he passed on. He died in his late forties and grandma has been widowed since then. She told me this story when I was quite young.
Anyway, she knows exactly where she places that bag. When I mentioned it to her, she knew what I was referring to. This small bag has been with her for almost forty years.
I asked her to bring it out of the cupboard. She did. I asked her to open it. She did. When she saw the money in there, she then remembered. She apologised and said that she has been forgetful lately.
I told her it was okay and I prayed with her. I asked God to help my grandma not to get frustrated when she cannot remember. I also prayed that she will always go to God in prayer when she starts to think of negative or unpleasant things. I also requested for His protection upon grandma and that she will continue to enjoy each day of her life. Before I closed the prayer I asked of God to take care of her when I am away.
I was overwhelmed with tears suddenly. Just as much as I have to make the difficult decision to leave my family for a while (just to make sure that my spiritual, physical, emotional and mental well-being are in check), I know it is also not easy to just go like that.
After I interceded for grandma, I went into my own room and just kept quiet for a while. I could sense God's comforting hand upon me and this peace that He would take care of grandma, mum, dad, my brother and sister.
I know He will.
On my way home after having dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ in Geylang Serai where we had beef kebabs, Ramly beef burgers and putu pirings, I headed for the Circle Line to take a train home. I was listening to some music and reading a book. Being engrossed in them, I did not notice I had taken the wrong escalator. I boarded the train when it arrived and when it stopped at the next station, I realised it was heading the wrong direction.
I crossed over to the other platform and boarded the next train. I alighted at Serangoon Station to change to the North-East Line. This time I boarded the right train but I alighted at the wrong station. I forgot that between the station I am supposed to alight and the one I boarded the train from, there is one new station which has just opened.
What an adventure.
Just in case some of you may be wondering why I asked grandma to keep the money in her favourite bag... well, people with dementia remember things which happened years ago. Since this bag has been with her for so long, I thought this would help her remember better so that she does not keep her valuables all over her room. I also know they would be safe in there since she does not bear to bring the bag out of the house.
As a caregiver I am basically trying my best to help grandma in the current state she is in. I always try different methods and if they are of help to her, then praise the Lord for them.
There are more to share but I shall leave them to another day.
Good night, everyone.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I M Possible
All I can conclude for today is simply these three words - "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Before I decide to share my thoughts here, I had to just spend some time worshipping the Lord. For what He has done for me today, everything else that I need to do before I try to catch some sleep can wait. He deserves the praise due His name! No second thoughts about that. :)
This may seem exaggerated but the past few weeks, God's presence has been so evident in my life that I am simply overwhelmed. He has helped me in getting myself back on track, though there is always room for improvement on my part. He has converted all the negative feelings I have in me to positive ones. He has turned some burdens I have for my loved ones to that of hope because I have committed them to prayer. His Word which I have been reading daily have been my source of strength and trust because what He says in the Bible, He will do. Amen to that!
Late last night I was very troubled over a matter after receiving some messages on my mobile but I lifted that to God and this morning when I woke up, I was certain what I needed to do, compared to yesterday when I was very wishy-washy. God heard my prayer, prepared me while I was sleeping, and when I woke up, I simply did what He prompted me. There was simply peace in my heart throughout.
I was also anxious last night about a brunch meeting scheduled this morning. I told the Lord my apprehension and fears. I did not get an answer there and then but this morning when I spent some time communing with God, He just told me to speak the truth... there is nothing else that I have to do.
When the meeting came, I just did what I was led to and the fellowship throughout was pleasant and sincere. I will continue to pray that there will be more of such fellowship because this dear individual whom I was conversing with is someone I cherish deeply. :)
What struck a chord in me in all these encounters was during the missions training session I had with the Youth Ministry Missions Team. The facilitator (an ex-staff of my church and a very dear sister-in-Christ to me) who led the session shared with us a testimony. She was apparently praying for something which seemed impossible. As she struggled through that prayer, a revelation came to her...
If you look at the word "IMPOSSIBLE" (which may apply in a difficult situation or a struggle or a broken relationship, etc) and when you pray about it, God will tell you that "I M Possible." Isn't it wonderful and assuring to note that our God, who is the Great I AM, can make all things possible? :) It is simply just a prayer away. To me, that was an affirmation.
So many things which I have been struggling with one or two months ago; some as long as one to one and a half years ago are now turning for the better because God has reminded me that He can make all things possible. The question is whether I have that faith in Him. Well, the past few weeks I have decided to place that faith/trust in Him because I was at my wit's end. He helped me and I know He will continue to guide me till all the struggles are resolved. Hallelujah!!! :)
One more week and I will be spending some time away on a personal retreat. I have no idea what God has prepared for me but I am open to learn and also to obey. I am looking forward to it but there is this little part in me where I feel a bit apprehensive. Well, I will commit that to God and allow Him to speak as I go along. :)
My legs are like jello now as I brisk-walked with a dear brother over a distance of 4.5km where the route had a couple of up-slopes. Towards the end I ran and I am glad my knees felt okay. I will not push it though till I lose more weight before intensifying my exercise regime.
I shall key off here! Glory be to God!!! :)
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”" Matthew 19:26
Before I decide to share my thoughts here, I had to just spend some time worshipping the Lord. For what He has done for me today, everything else that I need to do before I try to catch some sleep can wait. He deserves the praise due His name! No second thoughts about that. :)
This may seem exaggerated but the past few weeks, God's presence has been so evident in my life that I am simply overwhelmed. He has helped me in getting myself back on track, though there is always room for improvement on my part. He has converted all the negative feelings I have in me to positive ones. He has turned some burdens I have for my loved ones to that of hope because I have committed them to prayer. His Word which I have been reading daily have been my source of strength and trust because what He says in the Bible, He will do. Amen to that!
Late last night I was very troubled over a matter after receiving some messages on my mobile but I lifted that to God and this morning when I woke up, I was certain what I needed to do, compared to yesterday when I was very wishy-washy. God heard my prayer, prepared me while I was sleeping, and when I woke up, I simply did what He prompted me. There was simply peace in my heart throughout.
I was also anxious last night about a brunch meeting scheduled this morning. I told the Lord my apprehension and fears. I did not get an answer there and then but this morning when I spent some time communing with God, He just told me to speak the truth... there is nothing else that I have to do.
When the meeting came, I just did what I was led to and the fellowship throughout was pleasant and sincere. I will continue to pray that there will be more of such fellowship because this dear individual whom I was conversing with is someone I cherish deeply. :)
What struck a chord in me in all these encounters was during the missions training session I had with the Youth Ministry Missions Team. The facilitator (an ex-staff of my church and a very dear sister-in-Christ to me) who led the session shared with us a testimony. She was apparently praying for something which seemed impossible. As she struggled through that prayer, a revelation came to her...
If you look at the word "IMPOSSIBLE" (which may apply in a difficult situation or a struggle or a broken relationship, etc) and when you pray about it, God will tell you that "I M Possible." Isn't it wonderful and assuring to note that our God, who is the Great I AM, can make all things possible? :) It is simply just a prayer away. To me, that was an affirmation.
So many things which I have been struggling with one or two months ago; some as long as one to one and a half years ago are now turning for the better because God has reminded me that He can make all things possible. The question is whether I have that faith in Him. Well, the past few weeks I have decided to place that faith/trust in Him because I was at my wit's end. He helped me and I know He will continue to guide me till all the struggles are resolved. Hallelujah!!! :)
One more week and I will be spending some time away on a personal retreat. I have no idea what God has prepared for me but I am open to learn and also to obey. I am looking forward to it but there is this little part in me where I feel a bit apprehensive. Well, I will commit that to God and allow Him to speak as I go along. :)
My legs are like jello now as I brisk-walked with a dear brother over a distance of 4.5km where the route had a couple of up-slopes. Towards the end I ran and I am glad my knees felt okay. I will not push it though till I lose more weight before intensifying my exercise regime.
I shall key off here! Glory be to God!!! :)
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”" Matthew 19:26
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Made More Friends!
I came back not too long ago from the National Day Parade Preview. This is my last involvement for this event as I will be away on the eve of National Day to The Netherlands for my personal retreat.
I must confess I will be missing it as I always enjoyed serving the nation in this kind of celebration. I like the interaction with the crowd and also to see the area of my responsibility being accomplished. Glory to God though! :)
I got to know 6 new persons today - two from Canada; one from Germany; one from India; and the other from the United Kingdom. They are all exchange students. I can only remember three of their names though - Johan from Germany, Shanti from India and Richard from the U.K.. The two from Canada I could not recall as they were rushing off for dinner and I did not want to hold them up.
I guess getting to know total strangers kind of take away the mundane of just doing my duty. When I had nothing much to handle, I would just talk to them. :)
The next thing I will be sharing is not meant to sound mean in any way but it was quite funny. Before the firing of the 21-gun salute, I would usually warn parents of young kids to be careful that their children do not get startled. They would thank me for it and then they carried on with their conversations or went on eating the dinner they packed along.
Then came the first BOOM and suddenly there was this symphony of children crying in unison. Hee. :) Then you would see their parents apologising to their kids. :) It is funny but at the same it is not.
Anyway, I had a conversation with an elderly lady who is wheel-chair bound. She is the sixth person I spoke to. Her daughter brought her to the Marina Bay to view the fireworks but what hit my heart-string was that they were there since 1.00pm when the sun was still scorchingly hot. They feared that if they had gone late, they would not get the best spot but they forgot that as the crowd grew larger, the aunty's view would be blocked.
I stooped to the height of the elderly lady and after that I went to those standing in front of her, asking them whether it was okay that they moved slightly to the left or right so that she could have the best view. Everyone cooperated and I was happy for their thoughtfulness.
When everything was over, I asked her whether she enjoyed the fireworks display and what she said hit me - "Kum xia ah, Ah Di. Wa erm jai meh ni eh sai kua kek ji pai bo." In translation, she meant, "Thank you, young man. I do not know whether next year I will have the chance to see this again." I told her she will and she smiled. I sure hope so.
Well, I shall end here. I have some laundry to hang and after that I will go and sleep.
Good night!
I must confess I will be missing it as I always enjoyed serving the nation in this kind of celebration. I like the interaction with the crowd and also to see the area of my responsibility being accomplished. Glory to God though! :)
I got to know 6 new persons today - two from Canada; one from Germany; one from India; and the other from the United Kingdom. They are all exchange students. I can only remember three of their names though - Johan from Germany, Shanti from India and Richard from the U.K.. The two from Canada I could not recall as they were rushing off for dinner and I did not want to hold them up.
I guess getting to know total strangers kind of take away the mundane of just doing my duty. When I had nothing much to handle, I would just talk to them. :)
The next thing I will be sharing is not meant to sound mean in any way but it was quite funny. Before the firing of the 21-gun salute, I would usually warn parents of young kids to be careful that their children do not get startled. They would thank me for it and then they carried on with their conversations or went on eating the dinner they packed along.
Then came the first BOOM and suddenly there was this symphony of children crying in unison. Hee. :) Then you would see their parents apologising to their kids. :) It is funny but at the same it is not.
Anyway, I had a conversation with an elderly lady who is wheel-chair bound. She is the sixth person I spoke to. Her daughter brought her to the Marina Bay to view the fireworks but what hit my heart-string was that they were there since 1.00pm when the sun was still scorchingly hot. They feared that if they had gone late, they would not get the best spot but they forgot that as the crowd grew larger, the aunty's view would be blocked.
I stooped to the height of the elderly lady and after that I went to those standing in front of her, asking them whether it was okay that they moved slightly to the left or right so that she could have the best view. Everyone cooperated and I was happy for their thoughtfulness.
When everything was over, I asked her whether she enjoyed the fireworks display and what she said hit me - "Kum xia ah, Ah Di. Wa erm jai meh ni eh sai kua kek ji pai bo." In translation, she meant, "Thank you, young man. I do not know whether next year I will have the chance to see this again." I told her she will and she smiled. I sure hope so.
Well, I shall end here. I have some laundry to hang and after that I will go and sleep.
Good night!
Keep On Walking
I did my usual walk in the park. I started at around 6am and basically spent an hour or so exercising and talking to God about what I wrote in my last blog.
I came back and took up the courage and mooted an idea to my parents and grandma that we go out to one of the coffee shops for breakfast. I am surprised mum and grandma agreed. My parents and I had pratas while grandma had vegetarian bee hoon.
In one segment of our conversation, I shared with them why last night, I decided to go into my room when we were dealing with the rice cooker issue. I told them that God prompted me to step away so that the situation would not worsen. I shared with them frankly that I was on the verge of blowing my top and if I had stayed on and tried to defend myself, it would have become one of those usual quarrels the family have been experiencing for years.
I was not expecting any apologies from grandma and mum for the remarks they made. I just wanted all to know that there are alternatives to solving our differences.
Well, I did not speak at length on yesterday's incident as I felt there was no need to. After breakfast, dad and mum went out and I followed grandma to do some marketing.
My chest feels a little tight but it should be alright after a while.
I was just reflecting on how God has played a major role in the way I have been dealing with my struggles and life lately. One thing I know for sure is that His presence is with me. No more those times when I always acted on impulse and using my human wisdom and understanding in dealing with difficult situations.
That said, it does not mean I do not have my burdens for my loved ones or occasionally still making mistakes while in the process of learning. Like it or not, I will never be perfect because I am still a human.
One thing I can testify to why my outlook in life and attitude in dealing with circumstances that come by way have improved is simply my walk with God.
The past one and a half years I have not really been in step with Him hence I got bitter, angry, disappointed, frustrated, resentful with God, my parents, grandma, brother, sister and even the people in church.
A brother-in-Christ from another church who has been keeping up with my blogs even remarked that suddenly I have so much things to share about my life in my blogs when for the past year or so, my blog-site was as good as dead. He told me, "Andy, welcome back! You are back on track again!"
Thanks be to God for that but I must not rest on my laurels. My pilgrim's journey here on earth will always come to a standstill if I do not constantly make an effort to keep in step. How?
1) Purposefully set aside time to commune with God daily... not with my leftover time but giving the best part of the day to Him which I know my mind is most alert;
2) Read God's Word and putting it to action;
3) Pray - simply crying out to God the struggles I am experiencing;
4) Be still - letting God speak while being quiet;
5) Be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ;
6) Be opened to being rebuked in love by these siblings-in-Christ;
7) Be willing to be broken and vulnerable to God and those whom I am accounting my life to;
8) Be aware of who my enemy is and there is only one - Satan;
9) Asking some siblings-in-Christ to be my constant prayer warriors;
10) Giving thanks to God in all circumstances.
The above-mentioned sounds like there are so many steps to take but they have become so much part of me that I am practicing most of them naturally and daily. Praise God for that. :) I just pray I will be able to persevere on.
Oh yah, another thing I did was to put aside distractions which will lure me away from God. Different people will have different distractions so it is impossible for me to list them out. I guess we all know what are some areas which may draw us away from God. It is not easy to let them go... some we may have to but for others... we need to ensure that they do not take over the top position of our lives where God is supposed to be.
I shall end here. I have loads of clothes to iron and after that I need to sweep the floor.
I came back and took up the courage and mooted an idea to my parents and grandma that we go out to one of the coffee shops for breakfast. I am surprised mum and grandma agreed. My parents and I had pratas while grandma had vegetarian bee hoon.
In one segment of our conversation, I shared with them why last night, I decided to go into my room when we were dealing with the rice cooker issue. I told them that God prompted me to step away so that the situation would not worsen. I shared with them frankly that I was on the verge of blowing my top and if I had stayed on and tried to defend myself, it would have become one of those usual quarrels the family have been experiencing for years.
I was not expecting any apologies from grandma and mum for the remarks they made. I just wanted all to know that there are alternatives to solving our differences.
Well, I did not speak at length on yesterday's incident as I felt there was no need to. After breakfast, dad and mum went out and I followed grandma to do some marketing.
My chest feels a little tight but it should be alright after a while.
I was just reflecting on how God has played a major role in the way I have been dealing with my struggles and life lately. One thing I know for sure is that His presence is with me. No more those times when I always acted on impulse and using my human wisdom and understanding in dealing with difficult situations.
That said, it does not mean I do not have my burdens for my loved ones or occasionally still making mistakes while in the process of learning. Like it or not, I will never be perfect because I am still a human.
One thing I can testify to why my outlook in life and attitude in dealing with circumstances that come by way have improved is simply my walk with God.
The past one and a half years I have not really been in step with Him hence I got bitter, angry, disappointed, frustrated, resentful with God, my parents, grandma, brother, sister and even the people in church.
A brother-in-Christ from another church who has been keeping up with my blogs even remarked that suddenly I have so much things to share about my life in my blogs when for the past year or so, my blog-site was as good as dead. He told me, "Andy, welcome back! You are back on track again!"
Thanks be to God for that but I must not rest on my laurels. My pilgrim's journey here on earth will always come to a standstill if I do not constantly make an effort to keep in step. How?
1) Purposefully set aside time to commune with God daily... not with my leftover time but giving the best part of the day to Him which I know my mind is most alert;
2) Read God's Word and putting it to action;
3) Pray - simply crying out to God the struggles I am experiencing;
4) Be still - letting God speak while being quiet;
5) Be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ;
6) Be opened to being rebuked in love by these siblings-in-Christ;
7) Be willing to be broken and vulnerable to God and those whom I am accounting my life to;
8) Be aware of who my enemy is and there is only one - Satan;
9) Asking some siblings-in-Christ to be my constant prayer warriors;
10) Giving thanks to God in all circumstances.
The above-mentioned sounds like there are so many steps to take but they have become so much part of me that I am practicing most of them naturally and daily. Praise God for that. :) I just pray I will be able to persevere on.
Oh yah, another thing I did was to put aside distractions which will lure me away from God. Different people will have different distractions so it is impossible for me to list them out. I guess we all know what are some areas which may draw us away from God. It is not easy to let them go... some we may have to but for others... we need to ensure that they do not take over the top position of our lives where God is supposed to be.
I shall end here. I have loads of clothes to iron and after that I need to sweep the floor.
Friday, July 29, 2011
It's Okay To Be A Fool
I just finished spending some time in prayer. I needed to because when I came home I was bombarded by mum and grandma over a small matter related to the rice cooker. I have taught all of them a couple of times on how to use it and it was as simple as just pressing a button and that was it. I even marked it with black tape in the shape of a cross so that it can be differentiated from the other buttons.
After showing them again, suddenly remarks were made by mum as to why I had to buy this kind of rice cooker and grandma said that she should stop cooking for the family since I am making things so difficult for her.
What have I done to make them say those hurting words? At one point I wanted to blow my top but I just stepped away, closed my room door and prayed.
Sometimes I wonder whether my loved ones know what I have been doing for them: taking a step back during conflicts so that I do not lose my cool and blast everyone which all these while have not made things better; giving them space as requested; encouraging them with the Word of God as it holds more wisdom and truth than words from me; praying for them several times daily for our relationships to improve so that instead of putting each other down that we try building each other up.
What do I get in return for taking the effort?
I am not being appreciated. I am being wrongly accused. I am being ignored. I am being doubted. Sometimes they make me feel that it is all my fault... when all these while I have their well-being in mind; when I am doing these out of love for them.
Voices in me kept telling me that I am a fool! An idiot!
During the time I spent praying in my room, I prayed against those voices. I may look like a fool but if I desire for relationships to be better with my loved ones, it has to start with ME. Seriously if that makes me a fool, so be it... as long as it is for the good!
Well, it is not an appropriate time now to talk to mum and grandma. Perhaps tomorrow I will do so.
I am tired but I need to go hang the laundry first before spending some time praising God with my close companion - the guitar.
It is still a great day though it ended in a pretty unpleasant manner. Thanks be to God! :)
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech." 1 Peter 3:8-10
After showing them again, suddenly remarks were made by mum as to why I had to buy this kind of rice cooker and grandma said that she should stop cooking for the family since I am making things so difficult for her.
What have I done to make them say those hurting words? At one point I wanted to blow my top but I just stepped away, closed my room door and prayed.
Sometimes I wonder whether my loved ones know what I have been doing for them: taking a step back during conflicts so that I do not lose my cool and blast everyone which all these while have not made things better; giving them space as requested; encouraging them with the Word of God as it holds more wisdom and truth than words from me; praying for them several times daily for our relationships to improve so that instead of putting each other down that we try building each other up.
What do I get in return for taking the effort?
I am not being appreciated. I am being wrongly accused. I am being ignored. I am being doubted. Sometimes they make me feel that it is all my fault... when all these while I have their well-being in mind; when I am doing these out of love for them.
Voices in me kept telling me that I am a fool! An idiot!
During the time I spent praying in my room, I prayed against those voices. I may look like a fool but if I desire for relationships to be better with my loved ones, it has to start with ME. Seriously if that makes me a fool, so be it... as long as it is for the good!
Well, it is not an appropriate time now to talk to mum and grandma. Perhaps tomorrow I will do so.
I am tired but I need to go hang the laundry first before spending some time praising God with my close companion - the guitar.
It is still a great day though it ended in a pretty unpleasant manner. Thanks be to God! :)
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech." 1 Peter 3:8-10
Tanned Marks Which Sparked A Conversation
This morning after my walk at the park, I had cravings for 'wanton' (dumplings) noodles. As I know of a stall in Cassia Crescent (near the Old Airport Road market), I decided to head there for my breakfast. Sasha, my Silky Terrier, walked with me just now. I think she is quite weak. After walking around the park once, her tongue was so long that it could just touch the ground. :) Anyway, since she wanted to go out with me, she had to endure another two rounds. :(
When we reached home and after I washed her feet, she just went to her favourite corner in the living room and slumped on the floor. When I left the house for Old Airport Road, she just could not be bothered to see me off as she usually would at the gate. Poor doggy.
In my next walk, I shall bring the two fatty hammies with me. It would be the start of their Tough Club programme. One of them (the darker grey one) just jumped out of the cage when I opened the food container. It could not run fast as his tummy was rubbing against the table top. Maybe later when I go home, I will try to drop the hammies on the floor and see whether they will bounce. Hee. I also wonder whether pet shops sell leashes for hamsters. :)
I was happy that the 'wanton' noodles stall was opened. After receiving my order, I went to sit down on one of the tables occupied by an elderly gentleman. The coffee shop was crowded so I had no choice but to share table.
Anyway, after I took my first bite of the yummy noodles, the uncle started talking to me. He is a very chatty guy and quite funny too. He must have seen my feet somehow or rather and candidly asked me how come there are funny shapes on them. Initially I did not know what he was talking about. When I realised he was referring to the tanned marks, I explained to him that they were due to the regular fishing trips which I did prior to my surgery.
When he heard that, he was like "Orh!!! Tao tao hua seoh an chua lerh eh ang kong ah neh guai eh." That was the Hokkien dialect. He was basically saying, "Orh!!! I was just wondering how come your tattoos are so funny." Haha. I almost choked on my noodles when he said that. Hilarious!
That sparked off our conversation. I introduced myself and he did likewise. He just asked me to call him Ah Hong. As we continued chatting over a plate of noodles and a cup of coffee, a couple of his friends came by to greet him. I heard some of them addressing him as "Hong Kah Cik" (Uncle Hong Kah).
That led me to ask him whether he is a Christian because 'Hong Kah' in Hokkien means Christian. He laughed and said if he was a Christian, God would be vomitting loads of blood because of the kind of life he lives. He did not elaborate though and since this is the first time we met, I left it as it was. I laughed with him and basically told him that I am from a church in 'Ang Sa Li" (Serangoon Gardens) and he said he knew of that place as he used to stay in the Punggol area.
Well, he kind of made my day because I did not expect to talk to anyone when I had my cravings. I also never knew that my tanned marks would have sparked a conversation with a total stranger. Oh yah, I treated him to a bowl of soup noodles and he thanked me for it.
I shall keep this gentleman in prayer. Perhaps I will visit this coffee shop more often since I like the noodles and hopefully I can talk to Ah Hong more often.
I heard a lot about a beancurd stall in the Old Airport Road market. I went to search for it and finally found it but to my disappointment it was still closed. Actually the shutter of the stall was half-opened and I could see containers of beancurd in the refrigerator but the owner refused to sell them to me though I wanted only two. As I could not wait as I was expecting a ride from a dear sister-in-Christ, I guess I will come again another time. :)
Well, a great start to the day. I shall anticipate and see what other adventures the Lord has for me.
When we reached home and after I washed her feet, she just went to her favourite corner in the living room and slumped on the floor. When I left the house for Old Airport Road, she just could not be bothered to see me off as she usually would at the gate. Poor doggy.
In my next walk, I shall bring the two fatty hammies with me. It would be the start of their Tough Club programme. One of them (the darker grey one) just jumped out of the cage when I opened the food container. It could not run fast as his tummy was rubbing against the table top. Maybe later when I go home, I will try to drop the hammies on the floor and see whether they will bounce. Hee. I also wonder whether pet shops sell leashes for hamsters. :)
I was happy that the 'wanton' noodles stall was opened. After receiving my order, I went to sit down on one of the tables occupied by an elderly gentleman. The coffee shop was crowded so I had no choice but to share table.
Anyway, after I took my first bite of the yummy noodles, the uncle started talking to me. He is a very chatty guy and quite funny too. He must have seen my feet somehow or rather and candidly asked me how come there are funny shapes on them. Initially I did not know what he was talking about. When I realised he was referring to the tanned marks, I explained to him that they were due to the regular fishing trips which I did prior to my surgery.
When he heard that, he was like "Orh!!! Tao tao hua seoh an chua lerh eh ang kong ah neh guai eh." That was the Hokkien dialect. He was basically saying, "Orh!!! I was just wondering how come your tattoos are so funny." Haha. I almost choked on my noodles when he said that. Hilarious!
That sparked off our conversation. I introduced myself and he did likewise. He just asked me to call him Ah Hong. As we continued chatting over a plate of noodles and a cup of coffee, a couple of his friends came by to greet him. I heard some of them addressing him as "Hong Kah Cik" (Uncle Hong Kah).
That led me to ask him whether he is a Christian because 'Hong Kah' in Hokkien means Christian. He laughed and said if he was a Christian, God would be vomitting loads of blood because of the kind of life he lives. He did not elaborate though and since this is the first time we met, I left it as it was. I laughed with him and basically told him that I am from a church in 'Ang Sa Li" (Serangoon Gardens) and he said he knew of that place as he used to stay in the Punggol area.
Well, he kind of made my day because I did not expect to talk to anyone when I had my cravings. I also never knew that my tanned marks would have sparked a conversation with a total stranger. Oh yah, I treated him to a bowl of soup noodles and he thanked me for it.
I shall keep this gentleman in prayer. Perhaps I will visit this coffee shop more often since I like the noodles and hopefully I can talk to Ah Hong more often.
I heard a lot about a beancurd stall in the Old Airport Road market. I went to search for it and finally found it but to my disappointment it was still closed. Actually the shutter of the stall was half-opened and I could see containers of beancurd in the refrigerator but the owner refused to sell them to me though I wanted only two. As I could not wait as I was expecting a ride from a dear sister-in-Christ, I guess I will come again another time. :)
Well, a great start to the day. I shall anticipate and see what other adventures the Lord has for me.
"Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Look Out; Reach Out
In my previous blog, I mentioned that an acquaintance just committed suicide. In my conversation with a sister-in-Christ, I realised I taught his two children before in Sunday School. I could vaguely remember because this was several years ago.
Their father was apparently suffering from depression and I guess it hit a point where he could not take it anymore.
I do not wish to sound morbid here but when I was going through a difficult time taking care of my ailing parents and grandma and on top of that having to deal with other personal struggles, there were moments when I could hear voices telling me to end it all so that I do not have to deal with the woes of life anymore. In two instances they sounded like a solution but I prayed against them.
It was from these two experiences that caused me to talk to God and some closer siblings-in-Christ about my struggles. This helps because I am no more carrying the burdens alone and I know I have my siblings-in-Christ to keep watch over me and also for them to pray for me.
The problems may not necessarily go away immediately but at least I know now that I am not fighting alone.
It is sad that I have to use this incident to share things like the above-mentioned. I guess this is where we need to be more aware of the lives of our friends. When we know someone is depressed or struggling with certain areas in his life, try to make time for him. Do not assume that he will be alright in due time. We will never know. This may mean taking some precious time off you but if you can make a difference, I think it is worth the sacrifice.
What some of my closer siblings-in-Christ have done for me have ministered to me powerfully and it sure makes my life's struggles easier to handle.
Let us please look out and reach out.
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
Their father was apparently suffering from depression and I guess it hit a point where he could not take it anymore.
I do not wish to sound morbid here but when I was going through a difficult time taking care of my ailing parents and grandma and on top of that having to deal with other personal struggles, there were moments when I could hear voices telling me to end it all so that I do not have to deal with the woes of life anymore. In two instances they sounded like a solution but I prayed against them.
It was from these two experiences that caused me to talk to God and some closer siblings-in-Christ about my struggles. This helps because I am no more carrying the burdens alone and I know I have my siblings-in-Christ to keep watch over me and also for them to pray for me.
The problems may not necessarily go away immediately but at least I know now that I am not fighting alone.
It is sad that I have to use this incident to share things like the above-mentioned. I guess this is where we need to be more aware of the lives of our friends. When we know someone is depressed or struggling with certain areas in his life, try to make time for him. Do not assume that he will be alright in due time. We will never know. This may mean taking some precious time off you but if you can make a difference, I think it is worth the sacrifice.
What some of my closer siblings-in-Christ have done for me have ministered to me powerfully and it sure makes my life's struggles easier to handle.
Let us please look out and reach out.
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
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