My Help Comes From The Lord

I visited mum in the afternoon and was concerned for her inability to urinate and pass motion. She tried very hard to do them naturally when a nurse brought her to the toilet but could not. In the end a catheter had to be used to help her discharge the waste.

My heart went out to her when I saw how she was trying her best to do the above-mentioned which are so easy for a healthy individual. To know that she could do this about a week and a half ago (before she had her stroke) pains me even more.

Again I felt so helpless. All I could do was to ask God to help her. Tears just rolled down when I could not take it anymore. As I did not want mum to be affected by my reaction to her suffering, I excused myself to somewhere quiet to pray and ask God for His mercy and grace upon her.

Dad told me he is feeling tired. I asked him to go home and rest but he said he will stay with mum till evening. I can see how exhausted he has been since mum's admission. When I was praying, I asked God to give dad extra strength so that he can pull through this difficult period.

I am blogging this in the library as I needed to go somewhere quiet to gather my thoughts. It can be quite depressing going home lately - every one is down; even my doggy is sad - she has been sleeping on my parents' bed, the side where mum usually lies on. Whenever I tried to explain to her what happened to mum and where she is now, Sasha would just droop her head and look at me talk to her. I am so tempted to just smuggle her into the hospital because mum misses her loads too.

Anyway, I shall stop here, pack up and go home. I still have to face reality and try to move on with life.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

Press On!

Though today is Mother's Day, it did not feel like one because mum is in hospital. Grandma was also in no mood to celebrate. Anyway, after church I went with my sister to visit mum. We brought along carrot cake and also a stalk of sunflower to cheer mum up a little. She liked the cake though she could only take half a slice. It made her day, I guess, because she said she is sick of the yucky food that the hospital is serving - basically porridge, minced vegetables and meat.

We prayed with mum and just before we left, I gave mum a peck on her forehead - one that I have not given for a real long time. I hope that will bring a little sunshine into her life.

I am glad I attended the 11.15am service. I was actually hesitating as I did not want to go to the hospital too late and miss the window of the visiting hours. Anyway, I decided to just attend.

I found it hard to mouth the words of the praise songs being sung and when the worship leader asked the congregation to pray for the mothers present in the Worship Hall, I walked out for a moment to pray for mum somewhere else.

The sermon hit hard when the Assistant Pastor shared about the need for all Christians to press on in all they do regardless of the situation they are in. As much as I agreed with his exhortation, I also cannot deny that it can be quite tough at times when one is in a situation like mine. As I reflected on the message, one key point for an individual to be able to press on is the need for him to let go. At least the burdens he is carrying does not weigh him down.

I will continue to grapple with the above thoughts and allow God to work in my life.

Mum seems more alert today. Dad and grandma are also well. Praise God. I am praying as physio-therapy sessions commence again tomorrow that God will give mum the strength to persevere no matter how tough the going may be.

Anyway, being with friends in the evening for dinner also help to refresh me. Praise God for the time spent fellowshipping over dinner.

Time to sleep soon.

I do not know how this new week is going to be but I shall try to look forward to the challenges ahead. May God be my strength and motivator as I venture through each day.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:12-16

Praise God For His Sustenance

I have to deal with not one but three sick family members today. One is mum, the other is dad (who suddenly had a high fever again when he went to visit mum at the hospital) and the third person was grandma (who had a spell of giddiness and throbbing headache).

Dad was not allowed entry into the hospital. He went home and rested instead. I just took his temperature and it is back to normal again. Grandma seemed fine in the evening when I saw her.

I have to admit I almost threw in the towel when I had to deal with the above-mentioned. I just felt overwhelmed suddenly when I became anxious that dad and grandma are not as strong as before. With mum's sudden stroke, I think it affected them badly. If my brother and I are already badly shaken by it, why not grandma and dad. There was a point I just wanted to scream when I was in the ward but thank God, He controlled me.

Anyway, I quickly messaged a few brothers and sisters-in-Christ to pray for me. I felt better after a while. I spent some time praying for mum. I also read her a verse from Philippians 4:13 to remind her that she can do all things through Christ who gives her strength. I needed to tell her that so that she can cling on to the hope that she is not fighting this battle towards recovery alone.

I felt sad when I left the hospital because I realised tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am wondering how I can make it a happy one for mum and grandma though I know deep down they will not be in the mood to celebrate. Perhaps just being there for them would be enough after I prayed about it.

Well, I am drained again but I want to watch the Liverpool-West Ham match later - hopefully I will have the energy to watch all the way.

All thanks and praise to God for pulling me through thus far.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Rolling Back My Burdens On God

I went to visit mum this afternoon. She seemed more alert but still feeling weak. She told me that the physio-therapists at the centre are good, helping her to gain back her sense of balance and also to strengthen her limbs. I encouraged her to try to remember all that she has learnt and to use the exercise techniques when she is back at the ward.

Once in a while, mum would go into this mode of listlessness. I had to call her a few times just to get her attention. My sister and I prayed with her. Hopefully in doing so, the peace of God will rest upon her as she struggles through this period.

What pains my heart is this 180-degree turn of event where last week she was totally fine and now she needs the assistance of others to do the simplest of things which many times we take for granted.

Mum and I have never been close but I still feel deeply for her. I guess that is the bond between a mother and child which can never be broken even though one is distant from the other. As much as I would like to run away from what had happened recently, I know this is one adventure which I have to run with mum.

I was sharing some general thoughts on my Facebook and one thing I wrote was this heaviness that my heart is feeling since yesterday, I cannot really pin-point the cause/reason. Probably it is a combination of reasons.

A timely message came from a dear brother-in-Christ who reminded me to roll back my burdens on God for He will gladly bear the load if I let Him to. I guess it is something I am trying to do but not easy. I hope in time to come I will be able to surrender all.

After the visit, I decided to come to church just to be away from home for a while to catch a breather. I think I need to do that occasionally just so that I will not be choked up.

Well, I shall end here for now. I am feeling quite tired - last night I just could not sleep, tossing and turning, with loads of thoughts in my mind. I pray tonight I will be able to sleep better.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Resting In God Alone

Mum has been transferred to the Tan Tock Seng Hospital's Rehabilitation Centre this afternoon to undergo a two to four-week physio-therapy treatment. She will be warded during this period. What burdened me was how she suddenly became weak when she arrived at the centre in Ang Mo Kio. Her blood pressure also shot up and she became very listless when the doctor examined her.

It pained my heart when I saw her so frail. She has always been a strong woman but now seeing mum in this state just makes me feel so helpless.

Dad is unwell too, running a fever which was quite high in the afternoon. I just took his temperature - thank God it is lower now. I hope he is fine. He always keeps things to himself so I cannot really tell whether he is okay or not. I am praying God will give me the discernment so that I know how to encourage him

I feel exceptionally burdened today - my heart weighs like a ton. As my blog title states yesterday, I think life will not be the same again at home but it is my prayer that it will be for the better though now I cannot see how it will be so. I want to cry but I cannot seem to - I just feel very choked up.

I think I am still trying to handle matters at home with my own strength and understanding. I pray I will learn to let go - placing my burdens on God's throne of grace (as reminded to me by my sister) and allowing Him to work in the family. It is tough I have to admit but I will try.

I am tired again. I shall try to sleep soon and hope tomorrow will be a better for all in the family.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Life Has Changed... But Will Be For The Better!

The doctor monitoring mum's medical condition called me in the afternoon to inform me that it would be beneficial for mum to undergo a rehabilitation programme at Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital for two weeks. It is basically to allow her limbs to be strengthened and also to help her live a normal life again. I am for the idea and it is my prayer that the two-week stay will restore her.

Just now while I was having lunch, it dawned upon me that life at home will never be the same again as in more care and attention need to be given to mum. I also know that grandma is very much affected by this. My brother and I could tell that she has not been herself lately and that she gets anxious easily. Sometimes it gets on our nerves when she keeps repeating the same question as in whether mum is alright but I had to remind ourselves that we need to be patient and constantly affirm her. Dad is also quite lost at times.

When I was on my way home from grocery-shopping, I asked God to be gracious and merciful to my family. It pains my heart to see every one affected. I have to admit that my energy has been sapped and I can only depend on God's strength now to carry me through. As mentioned in my previous blogs, having to take care of three elderly members at home is no joke and this time I am feeling it at its peak. Sometimes I wish I can run away from it but I know I cannot - I guess I have to deal one matter at a time. I also need wisdom and discernment when decisions need to be made.

My pilgrim's journey is at one of its most gruelling stage but I hope I will pass the test when I cross the end point of this particular adventure. At the moment I am weak but I hope I will be a stronger person at the end of it all.

To God be the glory!

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

When Advice Falls On Deaf Ears

I do not know why God allows so many things to happen in my family lately. Just about 5 minutes ago, while I was doing my work in the room, I heard like someone falling in the living room. I rushed out and found dad on the floor near my doggy's cage.

I quickly rushed to help him up. Praise God he is not injured in any way. I asked him whether he slipped or felt light-headed. He said it was the former. I hope he is speaking the truth. I went to check the refrigerator and I still find a bottle of Sprite in it - a clear sign that dad is still drinking fizzy drinks. I do not know how else to advise him.

Sometimes I feel that he should be hit with something bad in order for him to learn but obviously I do not want that to happen as it will be too late. Prevention is better than cure definitely but in dad's case, I am still praying for God to give me words clear enough for him to understand.

Anyway, I went to see mum in the afternoon. I was glad to see her smiling and able to joke with dad and all. She seems more alert and she was able to get out of bed on her own though she is not allowed to walk on her own yet. I guess the physio-therapy is helping.

I wanted to do some work either at the library or cafe after the visit to the hospital but I had a bout of diarrhoea. I decided to head home to purge and rest. Thank God I am better now.

I shall stop here.

Why Are You So Downcast, O My Soul?

All the things that have been happening at home are causing a lot of stress for me. Sometimes I feel very choked up. Not only have I to deal with mum's ill-health, I have to also handle grandma who becomes unnecessarily concern over every single thing. This irks my brother and he would just flare up at her. When I tried to mediate, grandma thinks every one is going against her and then she dwells into self-pity. I am basically hit with a road-block and of course it affects me because every one at home is dear to me and to see things happening as it is, I am just so exhausted emotionally and mentally!

Sometimes I just do not want to stay at home but of course running away from it does not help as the concerns are still in my mind. They basically bug me everywhere I go. Many times I cried out to the Lord but He seems so far away. How I wish He could just answer me immediately but this is not so all the time.

Dad has been affected as well. Sometimes his mind seems to wonder away. It is hard to connect with him though I am trying very hard to do so.

Anyway, as much as I am overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that I cannot handle this with my own strength. I have to depend very much on God to help me though I have to admit it is easier said than done. Sometimes I feel that I will be the next person to get a stroke but I ask of God's mercy and grace to not let this happen for the sake of every one else at home.

I do not know what the road ahead will be - sometimes thinking about it scares me but that is based on my human understanding. I guess I have to remind myself to take everything one step at a time and be conscious of God's presence in my life to show me all the possibilities in dealing with matters at home.

I thought I blog the above thoughts as I need to discharge them somewhere. I cannot keep them in me for I know I will just blow up one day.

I shall stop here for now and perhaps go for a walk.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42

God's Grace Is Always Sufficient!

My initial suspicion of mum suffering from a stroke came true when dad called, while I was in service, to inform me that the diagnosis was a minor stroke. When I heard that, I praise God that it was once again detected early as with the first one she had a couple of years ago.

I went to see mum in the afternoon. She looked better compared to yesterday. She was able to speak properly and was alert to my presence when I entered the ward. She will be warded for a few more days as the doctor needs to medicate her and also to ensure that she is strong enough to be discharged.

I shall stop here as I am sleepy. A lot of thoughts are running in my mind - I shall share them soon once I have reflected on them.

Good night, everyone. Have a blessed week ahead!

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Think Possibilities; Think God

In a period of two days, I have been to two different Accident & Emergency (A&E) Departments - one in Changi General Hospital (GCH) last night and the other in Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) this afternoon. Both visits were to bring mum for immediate treatment - last night, she felt giddy and nauseous at a friend's house and this afternoon she experienced breathlessness and weakness of her body.

Her friends decided to send her to GCH as they were all in the East. Dad and I were notified about mum's condition and we rushed over to the hospital. The doctor did not see the need to admit mum after examining her. After about 4 hours of observation, we brought mum home. By the time it was already past 2.00am.

She looked okay this morning when I left the house but at around two plus in the afternoon when I was leaving my good friend's son's first-month party, I got a call from home informing me that an ambulance has been called to bring mum to the hospital.

My sister, who was with me when I received the call from my cousin, fetched me home. By the time we arrived, the ambulance has left already. I quickly dumped my bag at home and my sister and I tailed the ambulance to the A&E Department. She left with her sister and niece while I accompanied dad who went with the ambulance.

Due to the Influenza A (H1N1) flu, the hospital implemented a one-visitor-per-patient rule. I decided to let dad accompany mum while I waited at the holding area. Never did I know that I had to wait for more than 6 hours for the doctor to observe mum's condition.

I was bored to death. To break that boredom, occasionally I would walk around the hospital compound; visit the foodcourt to buy myself a drink; and stand outside the holding area to observe the number of ambulances bringing sick individuals or accident patients.

It was sad to see some serious cases where the medical staff had to rush the patients to the treatment room. I also concluded that it is not safe to ride a motor-bike in Singapore. The number of accident victims brought in were motorcyclists.

I also witnessed a trolley transporting a dead body to the mortuary. It was covered with a canvas sheet.

The above-mentioned brought to mind mum's condition. As I kept thinking about it, anger began to build up from within me. I was angry with mum for not taking her evening dosage of medicine regularly; for not bringing the insulin with her when she goes out; for not controlling her diet in the past one week as she had for two buffet-dinner appointments to celebrate her birthday with friends; for quarrelling with grandma over petty stuff (which definitely added to the stress in her).

Of course I was angry with grandma too for also picking fights with mum and then go on a cold-war for a few days. Now that mum is unwell, grandma gets worried.

The frustration then leads on to dad for not controlling mum's diet even after I made it clear to all at home that mum needs to watch what she eats; for his habit of drinking fizzy drinks which contain lots of sugar.

The above last three paragraphs were just loads of anger, disappointments and frustrations! Of course I also became worried. Firstly, for mum because I did not know whether her condition is serious and life-threatening. Secondly, for grandma because she called me in the evening to say that she wanted to go Yishun to buy dinner which to me was weird. She also told me she felt a little giddy. As I had to handle mum's health matters, I messaged one of my cousins to keep a look-out for grandma that she does not do stupid stuff. Lastly, I also got worried for dad. When my sister dropped us off from the hospital, dad suddenly made a few comments which were totally incoherent. Then he regained his composure and remarked that those comments were weird.

I shared with my pastor-in-charge and another dear brother-in-Christ that I am tired from having to take care of three old folks at home. I am not complaining - just that it is taking a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. Spiritually I am a little affected as I was questioning God why so many things must happen at the same time. No answers yet.

Anyway, I shall seek God again as to what He wants me to learn out of all these struggles. I sure hope I will be a stronger person after that. I also submitted my anger, disappointments, frustrations, fears, anxieties and tiredness to God.

I am very sleepy. I cannot go on writing anymore.

A big thank-you to those of you who have prayed for mum and my family. I still covet your prayers.

Good night, all. God is still good and His love still endures forever!

Think Possibility; Not Think Positive

I am now in church. I decided to come early to do some work for the Missions Ministry and also to prepare for the Committee meeting tonight. There are a lot of matters to deliberate and decide. I pray that God will lead and guide every one who will be coming - that we will all be of one mind and heart as we let God move us accordingly.

I have not been blogging as I have been tied down by a lot of work. I thought before I start preparing for my ministry stuff that I take this time to jot down some thoughts.

Lately there is this phrase that has been running through my mind - "Think Possibility; Not Think Positive." As I dwelled on this, the 5 words are beginning to make more sense. Many times inspirational gurus will tell their audiences to think positive. As much as it is good not to dwell on the negative and always being pessimistic, thinking positive does not cause a person to act upon the situation he or she is in. Just sitting there and telling oneself it is going to be alright may not necessarily be alright.

Thinking of possibilities is more pro-active and in the Christian context, it is not the "I, Me, Myself" trying to deal with the problems. It moves one to pray and surrender their problems to God and allow Him to speak and show us the way; it causes one to approach a brother or a sister for counsel; it moves one to try the various solutions offered and hopefully one of them will be the light at the end of the tunnel.

The above thought-process has caused me to be more joyful in the midst of affliction and struggles especially when hit with a road-block. It allows me to see things in perspective and when that is in place, he or she can also think of possibilities to counter the problems faced.

I guess that is all for now. Looking forward to the day ahead but I am feeling sleepy now - hopefully I will be more awake as I move along. :)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Because Of The Risen Lord, Christianity Is Alive!

Happy Easter, everyone.

Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!
Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!
Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!

All in the congregation chanted the above-mentioned during the combined service to remind ourselves that Christ has risen! For me, this year's Holy Week has made an impact in my life and it is my prayer that in the days to come, I will follow up on what God has spoken to me and act accordingly.

Though I was busy taking pictures this morning at both the Sunrise and Combined Services, I prayed and asked God that as I move on from the Easter season that Christ will not become dead in my life again. I say this because it sometimes seems to be that way - as if Jesus is not there looking at the way I live my life. God is always alive and I will try to remember that daily - this awareness will allow me to be more conscious in the way I journey in this adventure of life so that God will always be glorified and His people edified.

I co-led in the Good Friday's Combined Service with the Assistant Pastor of my church. I was in the Worship Hall and he was in the sanctuary. Throughout the whole of last week, I was planning what to say and do at the service but I learnt a lesson that sometimes, all the plannings of man can come to naught.

There was a technical glitch of the video-feed and suddenly all sound in the hall went silent when I started singing the second verse of the first song I led. I did not know immediately what to do; the congregation were clueless as well. In the end I just had to use my discretion and go on with the service without sound.

Well, the above incident taught me one thing which brings me back to the heart of worship. It is not the song, the music, the sophistication of equipment but more so the heart of God's worshippers being in tune with Him even when the inventions of man fail them.

Anyway, I am looking forward to this brand new week though there are a lot of things in my schedules - some plannings and finalisation of work tomorrow; a meeting on Tuesday; submission of songs to the guitarist on Wednesday for the "A Day of Prayer for Missions" session on Saturday which I am leading; printing and collation of the Missions Ministry Newsletters on Thursday; Friday seems free for now; then Saturday is the prayer meeting and also the Worship Team BBQ and Sunday will be the Missions Emphasis Sunday!

They may be daunting but I guess I will have to let God lead me one task/step at a time. :)

Well, I guess that is all for now.

Remember, folks - Christ is alive! Have a lively and eventful week ahead!

“Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9:23-24

Kingdom Of Power

Tonight's sermon at the Holy Week service is the last of three instalments which the guest speaker had for those who attended. If you have read my past two days' entries, probably you would say, "I think Andy is going to use the word 'Spot-on!' again." Well, you are right.

I was 'slapped' left and right as the speaker went from one point to another. Today's focus is on the "Kingdom of Power." I was humbled as the sermon served as a rebuke for me.

I have forgotten, more often than not, that the kingdom of power is living in me. It is not the power that most perceive it to be; not that of strength and might in order to show off or put others down. It is about the Holy Spirit living in me which gives me the power to overcome the sins in my life and also the power to transform people and situations.

The speaker mentioned that the authenticity of a person's life is in the way he lives out the power of the Holy Spirit. How true that is! Imagining a Christian who worships a victorious and mighty God living his life in defeat and depression most of the time. He should live the opposite instead - the power of God in him should create a hunger and thirst in his life.

I paralleled that to my life and my head just drooped. In fact, I have been a hypocrite, trying to pin-point other people's spiritual state and having forgotten to look at mine. One clear evident of a person living out the kingdom of power is the amount of time he sets aside for prayer. Wow! Andy Chew here dreads going for the prayer meetings for leaders and members of the church held on alternate Wednesdays. Reason - since not many people are attending, why should Andy Chew go?

I have forgotten that prayer is tranformational. If every one gives in to disappointments that since others are not interested, why should he or she, then the state of the church will always be stagnating. The speaker reminded the congregation that revival sometimes starts with a few.

I typed in my PDA this, "I WILL ATTEND THE NEXT PRAYER MEETING," and I definitely will. I will also work on my personal prayer lifestyle - instead of just praying for survival, I will now pray for revival... that I will not just content with where I am now and what I am doing but to continue to keep hungering and thirsting for more of God in my life and in the ministries I am serving in.

I want the power of God to transform my devotional life (in my attitude towards reading His Word and prayer); my ministry life (not depending on my human wisdom and strengthg but to let prayer be the source in which the wisdom and power of God flows through me as I avail myself to be instruments of peace to others); and my professional life (letting God use me in the market place).

These three days have been overwhelming for me. I think God wants me to do something more with my life and I pray He will show me more as I seek Him.

Oh yah!!! This morning, I went to my parents' room and I apologised to dad for being rude last Friday when we quarrelled. He accepted it and I praise God for that! My shoulders are so much lighter now! Hallelujah!

I shall stop here. All thanks and praise to God for always reaching out! He has been before; He is now; and He will in future! Truly the Lord is good and His love endures forever! :)

By the way, the guest speaker was Rev. Barnabas Chong from Cairnhill Methodist Church.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." 1 Corinthians 2:4-5

Kingdom Of Love

I came back not too long ago from the Holy Week service. I hesitated in going for yesterday's session but today's, I anticipated! I was also convicted as I listened to God's Word being preached. Yet again, tonight's sermon is another spot-on! Mainly two areas which I will share in the subsequent paragraphs.

Apart from being challenged once again about the calling to be a missionary, I was also convicted in denouncing the kingdom of comfort in my life. I felt I needed to get out of it because it has become a "me, myself and I" attitude.

I wanted to share something I am struggling with in yesterday's blog but I did not have the courage to but when the sermon on the kingdom of love was brought across to me and those who attended, I felt I needed to share it here.

The guest speaker spoke of the need for Christians to get out of their world and enter into someone else's. Of course not intrusively but sensitively.

This is one of the two areas which hit me. You see, last Friday I had a quarrel with dad over three bottles of Sprite. Yup, you did not read wrongly. :( Three days before that, I recorded a documentary on "Don't Ignore Diabetes" which touched on the elderlies drinking too much fizzy drinks and in the process contracted diabetes. I showed it to dad, hoping that he would stop drinking too much of such sugared water.

Of course, the show did not have an impact on him and he came home with three bottles of these drinks on Friday. Out of frustration but in a gentle tone, I told him that it was obvious the programme did not affect him at all. He kept quiet. I left it as it was but when I saw him open the refrigerator and drinking a glass of Sprite. Again I told him (in a calm manner) he should stop it.

That was when he said something which led me to blow up. He mentioned that what he does is his business and if he should die, it would be his death, not mine. Even if he had to suffer because of diabetes, it would be his struggle. Those words hurt me deep and it escalated to a point where unkind words/statements were used. Since then we have not spoken.

What convicted me both yesterday and today is this - first I need to get out of the "me, myself and I" mode and just do the right thing by apologising (though frankly I felt it was not my fault). I needed to say sorry because I used words which probably had hurt dad as well. I need to bring the kingdom of love into the family and love even when it hurts. I was challenged to get out of my world and enter into dad's world.

Well, I have not had a chance to speak to him yet as he was already asleep when I came home but it will be something I will do as soon as possible. I cannot let anything or anyone to break the family bond which God has given me right from birth. It is an effort especially in the above incident I shared but do it in the correct way, it will strengthen the bond amongst family members. God be my Mediator as I strive to do this. Apart from dad, there are also a couple of my other friends whom I need to seek reconciliation. I shall do it one at a time.

The other area which spoke to me is again on the topic of the kingdom of love. Though I have been the Missions Ministry chairperson in my church for the past 5 years, I have to confess I have not been actively touching lives especially those who have yet to know the love of God. It is not a matter of forcing it into the throats of others but even just living it out, I struggle to do.

Tonight as I prayed, I told God I need a transformation - to be who He has made me to be since the day I knew Him. Basically to testify of what He has done for me and let others also experience it. Of course I need to live it out first and I hope this would be the first step of the renewal process.

Well, I hope I make sense in the above sharing. I just could not stop writing after typing the first word. It is just so amazing that when God speaks so clearly, I have no choice but to act upon it.

To God be the glory!

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Kingdom Of Comfort

I was hesitating in the evening whether to attend the Holy Week service at 8.00pm. The reason was just pure laziness. I had wanted to use the word, "tired," but deep down, I know it is not the main reason.

Anyway, I did not regret making the decision to go. Tonight's sermon by the guest speaker was spot-on for me.

I shared in the blog after I came back from Cambodia last month that I felt a nudge from God to serve in the mission field. Since then, I had been thinking about it but not really acting upon it. There were many things to consider - how will I be able to support my parents and grandma? Who will take care of their medical needs? What can I do in the mission field should I make up my mind to go? Am I ready to let go of my kingdom of comfort here in Singapore?

There are many other questions and at the end of the day, it brought about more confusions and fears than affirmation? Of course some would say wouldn't those questions be an affirmation that I am not ready and maybe being a missionary is not my calling. As much as there is truth in that, I also know that it could be God's way of asking me to let go and let Him take care of those worries and fears and uncertainties, etc.

The sermon based on the Bible passage of Mark 10:17-27 reminded me of the rich man who asked Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life and Jesus response was to sell the man's possessions and follow Him.

The rich man had a desire to follow God but it ended there and then when challenged to let go of his kingdom of comfort. Well, I am in that man's shoes at the moment.

The speaker urged those in the congregation to let go of their kingdoms of self and shelf (of the wants and desires for material wealth) and seek the Kingdom of God instead. What brought a refreshing insight to the Kingdom of God was this - it consists of people. Hence when I am able to seek after the Kingdom of God, I would also be naturally drawn to people - loving them, caring for them and providing for them.

I hope I am making sense because the above-mentioned spoke of my current search for God's calling in my life.

I need to start letting go and I think it would be a bold and fundamental step.

I like the words of this song by Delirious because it speaks of what most lives are now...

KINGDOM OF COMFORT

Chorus:
Save me, save me
from the kingdom of comfort where I am king;
from my unhealthy lust of material things.

Verse 1:
I built myself a happy home,
in my palace on my own.
My castle falling in the sand.
Pull me out, please grab my hand!
I just forgot where I came from.

Verse 2:
I rob myself of innocence
with the poison of indifference.
I buy my stuff at any cost -
a couple of clicks and I pay the price
Coz what I gain is someone else's loss.

"As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'" "Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:17-27

Still Walking With My Heavenly Father

Wow! This is my third year blogging and today's sharing will be my 600th. Since the first blog I wrote on 12 November 2006, I have been sharing about the ups and downs of my pilgrim's journey here on earth. Of late, I have not been as regular as I should in jotting down my thoughts but I shall not be pressured to think that I am slowly giving up this practice.

I admit that I am losing steam because the past few months have been trying for me in all areas - physically, emotionally, mentally and to a certain extent, spiritually. I guess that is what this blog-site is about, isn't it? Being realistic and honest that one's life journey will never be smooth. As much as that is true, my objective in sharing my thoughts is to allow those who read my blogs to be reminded that our troddings need not be a lonely one but to have God and like-minded friends to walk with you.

Haha. That is why I support Liverpool. I love their motto - "You'll Never Walk Alone." Okie, I shall not go too much into that lest I go out of control which I can be when cheering for the Reds!

As I write the above-mentioned, all I can say as I look forward to the future, which to me is always a mystery and full of surprises, is this - I will journey through life joyfully. Of course that does not mean you will always see me smiling but I will not let valleys and mountains along the way to stop me from pressing on.

I guess going down the valleys occasionally will help me look up and be reminded that my God is there to pick me up. As for going up the mountains, may I be just a little closer to heaven and use those moments to be refreshed by looking across the horizon and be mindful that I should not be boxed up by the troubles of life and fail to see what's around me. :)

Well, this week so far has been a fruitful and productive one. One thing which I have been procrastinating for a while is finally done - that is updating the Missions Ministry's Notice Board. I did a feature of the Children's Ministry's mission trip back in December 2008. Though it is three months overdue but I think it will still speak to those who read the testimonies of most of the team members especially the children who went! It is my prayer that as more read the board, they will be challenged and encouraged to go into the harvest fields and bless the lives who are already there and also the people in those lands.

I also praise God for the Missions Committee. We have met twice this month to deliberate on matters concerning the ministry. I am very encouraged by the enthusiasm of every member. That definitely excites me in wanting to do more for God, church and also those whom we are reaching out to. I am also happy that more in the church are expressing their desires to partner the Committee in living out the Great Commission. Hallelujah! :)

Okie, I am tired. I shall go sleep now and look forward to the weekends ahead!

To God be the glory! :)

“My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.” Psalm 62:7

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:12-15

"Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:19-27

The Sting Of Death?

One of the rare Sundays when I am at home blogging at this time. I am still recovering from a flu and it just got worst again after coming home from church. I started sneezing and my nose has been flowing like an opened tap since.

I told myself I should sleep early tonight but I cannot! For the sake of my favourite soccer team which will be playing later - kick-off at midnight. Haha. I know it is crazy to stay up to watch the game but even if I try to sleep, I will not be able to. :(

It is even more exciting to know that Liverpool can close the gap today with Manchester United after the Red Devils lost their game last night. Chelsea also lost. I am just hoping the Reds will not fumble later. I will probably die of a heart attack should that happen. :)

Anyway I wanted to blog yesterday but something was wrong with the blogspot website. I wanted to share about an exercise I took in Facebook which supposedly could predict my death. After answering a few questions, I have been informed that I will die on 29 February 2016.

Wow! That is less than 7 years from now. When I saw the date, frankly I was not disturbed by it. In fact, if I really know when I would die, I would definitely look forward to it. Why? Simply from the words of this old song..."This world is not my home, I'm just passing through..." I would rather be in heaven than be on this earth where there are so much pain and sufferings.

This morning when I was at the service, I was further challenged by the inscriptions on a tombstone which my pastor read to the congregation about a missionary - "When he came there was no light; when he left there was no darkness." I would like to also be known that way but to work towards that, I have to start now.

Well, even as I write, I am encouraged by two siblings-in-Christ who shared with me that they want to be involved in missions - one is from my church and the other from another church. It is my prayer for both myself and other fellow believers that we will bring light to places where there are darkness.

So, whether I would die in 6 plus years' time, I am not perturbed by it! Bring it on, I say, for death has no sting on me!

Anyway, for now I will work on building a deeper relationship with God and live a life pleasing in His sight and edifying to those around me. It is not easy but I shall persevere, God be my help. :)

I shall end here for now.

Have a blessed week ahead!

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:55-58

Responding To The Call

I had wanted to blog yesterday but after arriving from Cambodia, I started sniffing and coughing. When evening arrived, I also had a slight fever. I basically slept early and am better now though still a little lethargic.

I had to get some work done - endured through the constant blowing of my nose. I have been drinking lots of water, taking flu tablets and also lozenges as I could feel the sore throat coming.

It is amazing how God sustained me through the three days in Cambodia. On Friday night, I was also unwell - my left arm was numb and I was a bit worried that it could be a stroke. I asked my sister whether my speech was slurred and my left face muscles drooping but she said they were okay. Phew! Praise God!

I was a bit anxious as I have never felt this numbness before. I messaged my accountability group members and some close friends to intercede for me. On Sunday I felt the flu coming as I was sneezing constantly but it was gone by noon.

Anyway, that aside. I enjoyed the time spent in Phnom Penh especially the fellowship I had with the missionaries sent by my church. They have been my friends since our youth and still maintaining communications after so long and being so far away is very much cherished!

My Missions Committee members and I also had a fruitful time of discussion with the District Superintendant overseeing the sister-church we are supporting. I am glad things are beginning to be in place regarding the future of this Khmer-church which I have been burdened for since I became the chairperson of the Missions Committee.

I also praise God for the time spent with my Khmer siblings-in-Christ when my team worshipped at their church. Though we only meet once or twice a year, the bond has already been established and we could just carry on from where we left off and encouraging one another in the faith as we interacted.

I am especially blest to hear from one of the missionaries that my sister-church is experiencing a revival. It is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will sweep through the church and cause the members to grow in leaps and bounds in their walk and also in reaching out to their neighbours

I was especially touched when an invitation was made to one of my Committee members and I by a leader of the sister-church to attend his daughter's wedding. Initially we were unsure whether we could make it but in the end I felt that it is important and essential to be there to show this dear brother-in-Christ that we care and cherish this relationship with him. He was so happy to see us when we arrived at the ceremony that he embraced us!

Attending the Khmer wedding ceremony and banquet was an eye-opener for me as I have never witnessed one. I have seen it on YouTube but that was it. Though very long and elaborate, I enjoyed the time.

Oh yah, after the service on Sunday, we went to one of the members' home to pray for his mother-in-law who is very sick and now bedridden. We prayed together with her though we did not know whether she has embraced Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. Though she could not speak, she gestured in a manner where we could tell she was thankful for our visit. I hope God will have mercy on this dear individual.

During this trip, I made two new friends - one from Hong Kong and the other from Singapore. I met this the new-found friend from Hong Kong when my team were having lunch at a hawker centre in Russian market. She has been travelling alone - going to Malaysia and then Cambodia and now back in Malaysia before heading for India. Anyway, we interacted with her as we ate. I was happy when she said that she is a fellow sister-in-Christ. One of my Committee members persuaded this sister to visit Singapore and we could be her host. She said she would consider.

The other friend I got to know is from another Methodist Church in Singapore. She is also in the Missions Committee of her church. She is still in Cambodia on a work-trip. Being able to fellowship with individuals like her assured me that there are Christians still responding to the call of Jesus in living out the Great Commission. It is my prayer that every Christian will see that he/she is a part of this call and not just some.

Well, I have been to Cambodia more than 20 times since Year 2000 and never once am I tired of this country which God has called my church to. In fact, this trip has stirred in my heart whether I should serve God and the Khmer-people for a period of time. I am still seeking and hopefully God will show me further this prompting.

Time to stop here and for me to sleep early to continue the process of recuperation.

All glory to God for a wonderful and fruitful trip!

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

The Presence Of God

As I am writing, my nose is sniffing. I think I have caught a cold after being caught in the rain. I am trying to pump Vitamin Cs to counter it. I pray that I will be well soon as I will be going to Cambodia with two other Missions Committee members on a work-trip.

I am looking forward to this trip to catch up with my church's missionaries and also the missions organisations we are supporting.

It will be a short trip of just three days from Saturday to Monday but I think they are enough to achieve the objectives. I am praying that God will go ahead of us and prepare the way and may He give the three of us discernment and wisdom as we mull over a few matters concerning the ministry.

Personally, this trip will do me good as well - to just be away from the routines of the Singapore lifestyle and breathe in a refreshing air of just living simply as would the Khmer people. Trips to Cambodia always cause me to reflect and be thankful that though there are worries back home, every human being elsewhere has their struggles too.

Sometimes I may think that my troubles are the worst of them all but when I see in person the hardship that other people face, my concerns pale in comparison to theirs.

Well, I am looking forward to what God has in store for me.

Oh yah, I have a dear friend, who knows of the struggles I am facing lately at home, asking me whether life is still not bad since the going has been tough. Sometimes I have to confess it is bad but I guess it is also relative - if I fight the struggles alone, of course the going is tough but if I choose to include God in the picture, then surely the tough gets going.

Well, I am trying to keep this in mind and be conscious of the presence of God in my life.

I shall stop here and go blow my nose.

Good night and have a blessed week ahead!

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Hide Me, Lord!

Yesterday was the peak of my frustration, stress and burden for having to handle matters concerning home. I felt like screaming; I felt like running away from home (yes, at this age of mine) as I felt very choked up; I felt like blinking all my worries and concerns away.

I went out to catch a breather and while I was in the train I messaged my accountability group members and some close friends to pray for me.

Physically I felt unwell too - my tummy was churning, my left shoulder was aching and my chest was tight. I will not be surprised if one day I will be a stroke patient myself.

What led to the above-mentioned was just how sometimes grandma gets too overly concerned for mum. I am not saying that is bad but overdoing it can get on people's nerves.

Naturally mum is still weak as she is recovering and there grandma keeps pestering me to bring her to see the Chinese physician, citing reasons like since Western medication does not help, perhaps Chinese medication would.

Then she kept asking mum whether she is hungry and that she should drink more plain water than fizzy drinks (which she has not since being discharged); she then went on to ask mum to drink some herbal tea which I felt must be consumed in moderation and not all the time.

What caused me to explode was when mum was sleeping/resting, grandma went to her room and asked her how come she has been sleeping so much and whether she is really alright.

I had to say something here but out of my frustrations, I was insensitive to grandma's feeling by asking her to just leave mum alone. I even made a comment which I knew I should not say but I just could not control at that point of time - that was reminding her of all the curses she used on mum when they were quarrelling in the past and now that she is sick, what is the point of showing so much concern!

Well, going out for a while brought my senses back! I just pray that the Lord will sustain me for as long as possible - sometimes I just feel like giving up. That is the easiest way out but I know I cannot since this is the reality of life and perhaps a point in my pilgrim's journey which I need to trod harder.

This is not a good period for me, I have to say. I pray I will learn something from here which can turn my weaknesses to strengths so that I can cope better when I face another crisis.

With regards to yesterday's struggle, I am still reflecting as to what could I have done better where instead of putting grandma down, I could have affirmed her.

"I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:6-8

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9