Just One Of Those Days

I woke up this morning, not feeling right. I also do not know how else to explain it. It is the no-mood-to-do-anything kind of state. Perhaps it is the Monday blues. But then I should not be feeling this way as I do not have to work today.

I made a conscious effort not to show too much of this lethargic feeling as I was meeting my dear friend and another sister-in-Christ in the morning to do some stuff for them. I hope they are pleased with my work. I hope I did what they requested for.

Anyway, I was just wondering - when I am in the above kind of mood, should I show it when I am in the company of my friends or just hide it? I struggle with this sometimes because I do not want to let what I am going through at a given time to affect others. Just as much as it is okay to show it, if I could control that mood, I think I would rather let it stay within me.

I just came back from church not too long ago. I initially planned to do some lesson preparations for the Youth Ministry (YM) session this Sunday. I also needed to meet my friend to discuss about a training session that we will be conducting for the facilitators prior to a youth event on 2 June.

I managed to read the materials for the YM lesson and some thoughts were running, and they still are, in my mind as to what I should do.

My friend informed me that she did not have the time to meet me to discuss about the training as she needed to go out and make payment for the early-bird registrations of the above event.

Since I was unable to think of anything for this Sunday's lesson, I decided to go home. Then I met the same friend when she was driving out of the church in her colleague's car. They offered to give me a ride home but I declined as it was not on the way. I also did not want to hold them and their plans up.

A while later she messaged me to apologise for the last-minute change of plan. I told her it was okay. The only fear I had was that she might misunderstand that I was angry, which I was not.

Anyway, I share all these because I am afraid I might have caused a misunderstanding here. I hope to prevent misunderstandings as much as I can. Already I have one major conflict with a dear sibling and I do not want to unnecessarily cause another. I also realised that tensions usually happen with the people I am closed with so I have to be careful.

The above-mentioned sounds a little too paranoid. Maybe I am lately but however I can, I shall take precautionary measures to not let anything trivial escalates to something I cannot control. It is a sad, tiring and painful process.

I guess I will end here. Just one of those days for me.

Leave An Empty Chair Wherever You Are Seated

Today is Mother's Day. I wish all mothers reading this blog a very happy and God-blessed Mother's Day!

I gave mum one of my most personal gift on this special day - my flu bug! :( When I came home from church I realised she was down with flu and sore throat. Never knew this bug is so potent. It has hit three of us in the family already - mum, bro and me. I pray the bug will literally stop there and not spread to grandma or dad.

As my bro is away in China, the family did not go out and celebrate. Instead I cooked some of mum and grandma's favourite dishes yesterday. I also got them a cake. I hope they enjoyed the simple meal together.

I will be calling my God-Ma soon to send her my wishes! It is now in the morning in New York - shall wait a little while later before buzzing them as I believe Ma and Pa are in church now or on their way to church.

Anyway, I am listening to the news update on the television about the two National Servicemen from the Singapore Armed Forces killed in Taiwan when a fighter aircraft crashed into the building they were in. My heart goes out to their families. It is my prayer that God will comfort them during this time of mourning. Life can sometimes be so fleeting - one moment they were alive, the next they are gone.

I am also praying for the other two seriously-burnt servicemen that God will stabilise their condition and heal them completely.

The above accident reminded me of a note I received from a stranger a couple of days ago. This kind lady emailed and commented how come I have so many lessons to share in my daily blogs. Well, I guess the only time I will stop learning is when I was dead. If all of us are more aware of the things we do and say, of our surroundings, and of the effort we make to reflect about life, there will bound to have precious lessons for us to keep and share.

I am still learning not to take life for granted and live it one day at a time. I really do not know what would happen to me in the next step I take or the ticking of the next second or the typing of the next alphabet on this blog. I guess while I am still alive, I had better take the opportunity to learn some new lessons and to bless others with them!

During service this morning, I learnt a lesson about living an empty chair in my life or during my meals or when I am seated anywhere. What a weird lesson, right? It sounds and looks like one but I am going to make a conscious effort to practise this.

What is the empty chair for? Well, it is for those who do not have one to sit on; a person who does not have the means to buy a meal; a lost child (need not necessarily be someone young) who do have a family where love can be showered upon him - basically for someone in need.

As shared in my recent blog, there are many of these people, even in this prosperous island-nation. We just have to open our eyes and there will definitely be one not far from sight.

I will share my encounters or experiences during the week on this practice and see whether this lesson can be used powerfully for the ministry of God's creation and for the glory of His name!

This morning God answered a prayer which I really did not expect anything to happen when I shared with Him a burden last night pertaining to the lesson I was to teach at the Youth Ministry.

I shared with Him about my fears that the youths might have more doubts than affirmation of their faith after the session. The topic I was to teach was on the resurrection of Christ and the hope it offers. The whole idea was to prove that the resurrection of Jesus happened. Though I had all the points prepared, I guess there was still the human fear within me.

You know how it was answered? I did not have to teach about it at all. The debate I planned on this topic was carried out by the Youth Ministry Mentors (YMMs). I thank God they did a good job in sharing the points for and against the motion. Then I showed a movie clip on the crucifixion and resurrection.

It was here a dear brother, who is also the Assistant Pastor of my church, requested whether he could speak after the clip. He told me he would like to conclude the session. I agreed and this dear sibling-in-Christ rounded up the session for me!

Wow! God indeed provided in my time of insufficiency! I did not even hint to my Assistant Pastor about my fears and there he was, standing in front of the youths, sharing about his views. Hallelujah! God truly is awesome!

Well, I shall stop here. To God be the glory for today! Here's to a brand new week of adventure ahead! :)

"'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40

The Lord Heals

I have not been able to update my blog yesterday because when I came home from a course, I was so sick that I slept from around 7pm to this morning. I did not even have the chance to consume my medication and dinner. That was how bad I felt.

I praise the Lord for making me almost well when I woke up. Though my throat was a bit irritating and my flu still there, I definitely felt better compared to yesterday.

The course that my dear friend and I attended was okay. It was about setting up small groups in a Youth Ministry (YM) and also being a mentor to the younger ones. Though I was feeling really weak the whole of yesterday, I am thankful that God allowed me to press on and learn certain precious lessons.

This course was also a prelude to a major event to be held on 2 June 2007 where youths are encouraged to attend. Hopefully through this event, they would be challenged to form small groups and from there, account their lives to one another.

My friend and I are supposed to train some facilitators prior to this event and it is our prayer that the Lord will use us accordingly and impart the lessons accurately.

After the course ended in noon, my friend and I went for lunch and we headed back to church after that.

I continued with my lesson preparations for this Sunday's YM session. I am more or less done with the planning but I still do not have peace in my heart. My fear is that the lesson will create more doubts than affirmation in the faith of the youths.

Anyway, at the end of my preparation, I just went to the Fire Escape Stairways and spent some time in prayer. I asked the Lord to bring about a clear understanding of the lesson with the help of the Holy Spirit. That gave me some peace as it reminded me I can only prepare that much. The rest is up to the Spirit to convict and minister.

So much for that. Today I kind of struggled having to deal with something which sometimes makes me feel discouraged and also guilty about. Ever had this experience where you cannot accept a person (be it the inner or outer aspects) and when he (using this as a generic term) is in your presence, you put up a front and hence disallow the person to come into your life?

It is a sad thing that I sometimes commit or even experienced myself from the way other friends treated me. By behaving in this manner, it basically stops the person from knowing you better or develop the friendship deeper. It also kind of puts the person down especially if he knows that it could be due to his characteristic or physical imperfections that this is happening.

I am working real hard to stop this in my life as I feel it is not edifying. It is my prayer that the Lord will help me be more sensitive to others. It is tough but it is something that I pray I will be able to overcome and learn. I definitely need the Lord to help me in this!

Well, anyway, thanks be to God for this day and for healing me. I have many other things to share but not now. Perhaps tomorrow when I write again. :)

"Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight." Psalm 119:33-35

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." Romans 15:7

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

God Answers Prayers

I shall keep this short as I am unwell. The whole day I have been battling with flu, fever and sore throat. I thought they would get better after taking some paracetamols but that did not help.

In the evening, I decided to see the doctor and obtain some medications so that I will be well by tomorrow. I have a course to attend and I do not wish to let these bugs stop me from learning something new.

I was in church from the late morning as I wanted to finish up the lesson plan for the Youth Ministry but I still could not. I have about a third left to prepare and I believe by Friday I should be able to complete it.

I was struggling because it is not easy to explain the resurrection of Christ as in its authenticity. But I am thankful to God for granting me insights which in the end I managed to put everything into perspective. I shall not be sharing them now as I am not in the right frame of mind to do so.

Anyway, I have something to give thanks for and it is amazing how God answered my prayers and lifted my burdens.

I needed to present an item to the the Local Church Executive Committee (LCEC) regarding a memorial fund which the committee intends to close as it is of no use anymore for its intended purpose. As we want to do it in a manner sensitive to every one involved, I was not at peace for a suggestion that a couple of leaders asked me to do as I felt the funds will not be put to good and effective use.

Anyway, while I was at the clinic waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I said a prayer and told the Lord to provide a way out if it is what He deemed proper. I left it as it was.

Then during the meeting when it was about to commence, a dear brother approached me and showed me a statement in which will allow that fund to be used for other purposes. I presented it to the rest of the leaders and we were given the mandate to look into the matter further and proposed an alternative to the usage of the funds.

I was so happy when I heard that. A few of my committee members were very happy too. I take comfort that God heard my cry and He answered me accordingly.

Before the meeting I also asked a dear friend to pray for me in this area. Truly the Lord has granted our requests!

I guess that is all for now. I shall go and sleep. I pray I will be well by tomorrow morning.

To God be the glory!

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us — whatever we ask — we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

There Is Power In Christ's Resurrection!

I just came back from a dinner appointment with some siblings-in-Christ to celebrate a belated birthday for one of the Lay Ministry Staff. It was quite interesting as we made it a surprise for her. All these while she did not suspect anything even to the point of fetching her to the restaurant on the pretext that we were sending her to meet a friend (who was also part of the plan) at a MRT Station.

Anyway, I praise the Lord for the time spent together - all 11 of us. As it was a buffet, we ate quite a bit. There were lots of meat. Having taken so much of them, I think I will be a vegetarian for a while. I got to know some of my brothers and sisters better - thank God for that. I was also shocked to see a sister being able to eat so much - she ate at least three times the amount I had. The amazing thing is that she is still so slim. Wow! Unbelievable! If I had consumed as much as her, I would have ballooned into a elephant!

I spent the whole day in church trying to prepare for the Youth Ministry (YM) lesson for this Sunday. I am supposed to teach on the resurrection of Christ and the hope that it gives to all who believe in Him. Though I can just speak on this topic, I thought it would be too boring for the youths.

I was unsure what to do - I basically went to the Fire Escape Stairways and took some time to pray for some inspirations. Thanks be to God for giving me an idea but it requires the assistance of some of the Youth Ministry Mentors (YMMs).

I called the YM Coordinator and spoke to him about it. I needed this dear brother to contact the rest. I hope those YMMs I suggested will be able to participate in a debate on the motion, "The Resurrection of Jesus Gives Us Hope". Well, I will pray from now till Sunday that all will go on fine and that the youths' faith in the Lord will be further strengthened after learning more about the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I praise the Lord for allowing me to prepare for this topic because it reminded me that the Christian faith rest heavily on Jesus' resurrection. If He did not rise from the dead, then God would be powerless and we would be lost forever, following the teachings of a dead guy. Now it affirms in me that if God can raise Jesus from the dead then He has the power to do anything. This then gives me the ability to place my hope fully in Him as I know He has the power to help me in every area of my life! Isn't that amazing? Very refreshing thought!

I am quite tired. I shall go to church early again tomorrow to finish the lesson preparations as I may not have the time to do so on Thursday and Friday as I have a course to attend. May the Lord be my Guide.

Thanks be to God for today! :)

"After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day. Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28

Make Good Out Of The Bad

This morning I met a group of dear brothers-in-Christ for a time of fellowship over breakfast. One of them, during our conversation, asked me how come lately I sounded troubled in my blogs.

Well, it is true. That is due to the fact that I have been going through a period of trials - with people; thinking about my future; burdened by some matters in the ministries I am involved in.

I guess in my pilgrim's journey, there will bound to be ups and downs that I need to experience. It is of no doubt that I am going through a period of lows - hence my blogs have not been especially bright.

Well, this is part and parcel of life here on earth. I do not mind going through this time of trials because I know I can learn something from it. I pray the Lord will open my eyes and mind to the lessons that He wishes to impart to me.

So much for that. Just now I thought it was already morning when the time was only 11:15pm. The whole of today I have not been really too well physically. When I came back from the grooming centre for my doggy, I had dinner. After the meal, I was so lethargic that I decided to sleep, though I know it is not good to do so with a full stomach.

Then my brother came back around the time I mentioned above and I woke up suddenly. In my blurry state, I saw him in his working clothes and asked whether he was going to work. I even questioned why he was wearing the same set of clothes. He gave me this "huh" look and told me the time. It was then I realised it was still night. :)

Today I have been pondering on this word, "Pessimism". What sparked this thought was due to the fellowship I had with my dear brothers-in-Christ. We were discussing whether is it wrong for one to be pessimistic. Well, the meaning is basically "a tendency to expect the worst in all things".

I guess it is not bad for one to be pessimistic but the thoughts that the individual has must not cause him to react to all things negatively but instead to make something good out of them. Basically looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I always feel it is beneficial to be pessimistic at times as it allows an individual to see the worst of a situation so that after having that knowledge, he will be able to avoid certain pitfalls and find solutions to overcome obstacles.

I guess there is a reason for God to create some individuals to be more pessimistic than others. It is, in my opinion, to complement one another so that every one can see the best and worst of things and together they will work hand in hand to deal with them. This can be applied in friendship/relationship, at home, at work, in school, ministries at church, etc.

I can be pessimisitic at times but over the years, through my accountability to some siblings-in-Christ and friends, they have allowed me to see things differently. I praise the Lord for providing these persons as they have opened my eyes to see the hope in the worst of things. :)

I guess in this journey that one travels, we need to basically help one another. In doing that we can complement and supplement each other whenever possible and make this road of life easier to trot.

May the Lord also be our help.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light." 2 Samuel 22:29

Love Covers A Multitude Of Sins

This morning I taught at the Youth Ministry on overcoming conflicts. Though it is the examination period, I am very encouraged that many youths turned up.

Teaching this topic was especially tough for me because I am going through one myself with a dear sibling-in-Christ. Throughout the session, I taught with a heavy heart. As I was encouraging my younger siblings-in-Christ to learn to deal with tensions, I was also asking myself how else can I overcome my own relationship breakdown?

The voice of the devil was still loud as I taught but I thank the Lord for allowing me to focus. In all the sessions I have done, today's is one of the toughest for me. Looking back now, I am grateful to God for pulling me through it.

Anyway, I am reminded of one thing which I pray the Lord will help me not commit - that is bitterness. Once I have this feeling against anyone when in conflict, I have already allowed the evil one to lay a foothold in my life. It is that easy to feel that way but I am glad God reminded me to continue to love regardless of any problems I have with my brothers and sisters-in-Christ.

Well, I will continue to hope in the Lord that He will teach me to deal with conflicts in a positive manner. Above all, in a way pleasing in His sight. I am still learning about this aspect of my Christian walk. I dislike confrontations and having to overcome tensions but if I need to, I pray I will do it correctly.

I do not know why but I am feeling quite lethargic now - have been coughing a little since afternoon and body has been aching. I hope these are not symptoms of me falling sick.

Thanks be to God for today.

"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:25-27

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

A Time For Everything

Sometimes I feel I am too hopeful in some of the pursuits of my life. Sometimes I wonder whether should I just give up and perhaps, just perhaps, my life would be less burdensome.

Every single day I pray and submit to the Lord the desires of my heart. Some of the requests, I have been praying for several months already. Frankly these items I felt led to keep on praying because I found peace in believing that one day God would answer them.

There were areas of my life where I have prayed before and I knew I needed to let them go, which I did. I guess maybe I am too impatient and want things done my way, my time but of course I also know they would not happen because God knows best. He basically makes all things beautiful in His time.

Sometimes I wish God would just tell me clearly what is in His mind. There were occasions where it was very clear regarding some areas but not all the time, I experience this. So does that mean for those areas that are still unclear that I should persevere and keep on seeking Him? I guess so, in my opinion.

Anyway, I am sharing this not because I am doubting my God Almighty. It just makes me wonder what is it that He wants me to do at the end of the day? How would I be sure that I am doing the right thing?

Well, I pray He will continue to give me the discernment.

I praise the Lord for guiding me throughout the day. I managed to complete and confirm my lesson preparations for this Sunday's Youth Ministry (YM) session. I hope my younger siblings-in-Christ will be blessed in what I am to share. Again, may the Lord be my help.

I had dinner with some friends at Bedok Hawker Centre before a dear brother-in-Christ dropped my dear friend and her sister at a chalet in Changi for their Alpha Weekend.

After that I went back to church to attend the Worship Team rehearsal. I took that time to guide a dear brother in his worship preparation for next Sunday. It will be his first and I thought I should give him some pointers so that he will not be too anxious. I hope I was of some help to him.

Anyway, another brother gave me a lift home when all was done. Praise the Lord for that!

I guess that is all!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way

I just came back from lunch with some of the church staff. We went to Heartland Mall Hawker Centre for our meal.

Just when we found our table, I noticed an old man, probably in his early 70s, scouring the area as if he was looking for some things. After that, I went to order my food. When I went back to the table, he was no where to be found.

After lunch, the staff and I went to a bookstore to buy some stationeries. We shopped around the mall for a while.

When we were on our way back to the car, I detoured to the hawker centre planning to buy some pancakes for tea later. As I was doing that, I met the old man again. What I saw made my heart sank. He was basically waiting for customers to finish their food and when he saw leftovers, he would eat them even if it means only some meat left on the bones of the chicken.

Every one else was looking at him with this disgusted look but he was not affected. I could tell he was very hungry. I think trying to fill his stomach meant more than being bothered by what people thought of him.

I was moved to buy some food for him to eat. In the end, I got him a packet of chicken rice and went around the hawker centre looking for him. I managed to and gave him the packet of food. He bowed his head when he collected the food from me, looked up slowly, gave a faint smile and thanked me. I smiled back and asked him to eat while the rice is still warm. I pray that packet is enough to last him through the day.

When I bent down to pass the uncle his food, I also noticed that his right shin was bruised quite badly. I decided to buy some bandages and antiseptic lotion so that he can clean them. Again he smiled and thanked me.

I prayed for him as I walked away and hope the next day and the following - basically every day - someone would provide for him at least some food to eat. I also asked the Lord to heal his wound. I hope it will not get affected.

I left the hawker centre with one lesson learnt - look around whenever I am eating out. If there is someone who does not have the means to buy his own food, perhaps I should not just look at him or her and and show pity without doing anything else. The least I could do is buy some food for the person to eat. It may only last him a day but that is better than for him to go through it hungry.

I am sharing this not to boast about what I did but I am challenging all who read this blog to do something. A $3 meal may not be much to most of us but it may mean a lot to some who cannot even afford one.

May the Lord show His mercy and grace to these His creation - sometimes they need His blessings more than most of us.

"For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death." Psalm 72:12-13

"He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God." Proverbs 14:31

"He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done." Proverbs 19:17

Setting My Heart And Mind On Things Above

After I finished preparing the Youth Ministry lesson at Coffee Bean, I decided to head for MacRitchie Reservoir to spend some time with the Lord. It was drizzling but I decided to go anyway.

I found a shelter near the canoeing centre. I basically sat there, observing the droplets of water all around me. The weather was cool. I took out my Bible, journal, turned on my laptop and basically read what had happened in my life for the past one month.

My conclusion for the month of April is this - it has been a mentally and emotionally-draining period for me. I had to deal with a major conflict in my life which is still ongoing; had to go on an oversea assignment which opened my eyes to a whole new understanding of suffering; battling certain thoughts and emotions involving people; breaking promises that I have made to some people; dealing with disappointments; overcoming some shortcomings in my life so that I do not stumble people; the need to allow others to understand me better; meeting some of the less fortunate by chance in this properous nation of Singapore.

Just as much as I struggled through the month, I am also thankful to God for teaching me many lessons to deal with the above-mentioned; for allowing me to find rest in my short weekend trip to Malacca; for the times of fellowship I had with friends over meals; for the moments of solitude and communion I had with the Lord; for the encouragements that some friends had given me.

After reading the above accounts of my life, I read God's Word and He gave me a passage from Colossians 3:1-17. It was a passage so relevant to what I was feeling when I was doing my monthly evaluation.

Some of the lessons I learnt:-

a) I was encouraged to set my heart and mind on things above and not on earthly things (vv 1 & 2). I guess it is good to do that as it allows me then to see things in perspective - that God is greater than all the earthly things in and around me.

It also reminded me to put Him first in all I do. If I allow earthly things to control me, then it is so easy to fall into the lures of this world. When that happens, God will slowly disappears in my life because everything else becomes more important than Him.

That is why the subsequent verses urged the readers to put to death whatever belongs to the earthly nature (vv 5-10).

b) The other reminder was the need for me to do what is pleasing in God's sight (vv 12-15). What struck me was the need for me to bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances I may have against one another. I basically need to put on the love of God in my life and always let the peace of God rule my life (vv 15a). I also need to always be thankful for everything (vv 15b) - sometimes it is tough but I have to keep practising this so that it allows me to see things in a more positive manner.

c) Like this passage that has struck me and brought encouragement to what I am going through now, I need to continue to let the Word of God dwell in me richly - not only for my own benefits but for others as well (vv 16).

d) Many times I find discontentment and dissatisfaction in some of the things I do. This is simply due to the fact that I am doing them for personal glory and recognition. This mindset has to change. Instead I need to do everything, whether in word or deed, in the name of the Lord (vv 17). When I am able to practise this, it will then allow me to always be thankful at all times.

After meditating on God's Word, I just kept quiet and went to God in prayer. It was refreshing to the soul and I praise the Lord for challenging me to do a few things this month - basically letting what I have learnt to overcome the struggles I am going through.

I also took the time to share with God the burdens of my heart concerning people and ministries. He is the only One who can help me but I also asked the Lord to grant me patience and perseverance. Some of the things I asked for, sometimes I hope they would be answered immediately but it is not always the case. That is why I need to learn to let God answer my cries in His time.

I guess that is all for my monthly evaluation. Tomorrow a few of my brothers and sisters are going to Phuket for a short weekend getaway. I pray they will have fun and great fellowship with one another. I am supposed to join them but chose not to due to some commitments I have made and other factors.

I also felt bad not joining another group of siblings-in-Christ yesterday for a time of fellowship. Initially I told them I would join them but had to back out as I had to assist in conducting the wake. Even if there was no wake, I also could not join them as there was also the Leaders' Prayer.

Well, time for me to stop here. It has been a thought-provoking day for me. Thanks be to God for the insights He has given me.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:1-17

Conflicts Should Not Paralyse Me

This morning I wanted to watch the AC Milan-Manchester United match but as always, I overslept and woke up only at 6am. I was hoping for a Liverpool-Manchester United final but it was not to be. Just messaged my dear friend's sister to send her my sympathies.

Anyway, since I was up and decided not to go back to bed, I went for a run instead. I needed that as I have been eating a lot lately. I also took the time to speak to the Lord further about what I wrote in my previous blog. It was refreshing. Thanks be to God for that!

Before I went for my driving lesson, I called my colleague, whom I had a conflict with yesterday, to apologise to him about yesterday. Though it was not my fault for being late, I wanted to make things up with him for being rather cold and hostile towards him. I am glad both of us got our differences settled and it was truly a great release.

Driving class was okay. The instructor was quite chatty so we talked about almost everything under the sun but the main topic was on soccer and of course the Manchester United's defeat was brought up. He shared how and why the Red Devils lost and I was smiling as I listened. Mr. Lim was quite comical in the way he analysed the match. I could not contribute much as I did not watch it. Anyway, that made the time fly faster and driving more fun. :)

I am now in Ngee Ann City Coffee Bean. I am here to prepare for the Youth Ministry (YM) lesson. Though the voice is still rattling on in my mind about all the hypocrisy and problem I am having with a dear sibling, I have told the Lord I am not going to let this stop Him from using me to share His Word to the rest in YM. I also have no qualms telling my younger siblings-in-Christ that I am currently facing this situation as it is part and parcel of life that one faces conflicts with people at certain points of his life. Does this mean I am going to be paralysed by them each time I have a problem with someone? Definitely not! By saying this, I do not mean that I am not going to care about the conflict. I am still dealing with it except that my life has to go on, with an extra load on my shoulder.

I am still praying that one day the Lord will help my dear sibling and I to overcome the conflict. I believe reconciliation and restoration will come in God's time and when both of us are ready to confront each other with our differences, hurts and grudges. I am ready to do that because it is the right thing to do and also for me to learn from my mistakes. I will continue to pray and hope. I know the Lord will not fail me.

Before I came to the cafe, I was looking at my watch and realised that time has stopped literally. I was shocked how come it was still so early when in my mind I thought otherwise. I had to go to a watch shop to have the battery changed and did not know it would cost so much to have the lithium cell replaced. Anyway, glad to know time is running again. Following on to what I shared last night about numbering my days, I know one day my time will be up but I hope I will not be shocked about it but instead be ready for it when it happens.

Alright, I shall key off for now. Time to prepare for the YM lesson. May the Lord be my guide.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary..." Matthew 5:23-25a

Numbering My Days

I assisted my Pastor-in-Charge in conducting a wake tonight. It was for a dear sister-in-Christ's grandfather who passed away yesterday. The passing was unexpected for the family.

I was in church in the afternoon to prepare the Youth Ministry (YM) lesson for this Sunday when my Pastor asked whether I could assist. I agreed to it as I wanted to minister to the family. I hope I did.

Though it is always sad to attend a wake, knowing that a loved one has left this world, it is also a time for one to ponder on life.

My pastor reminded the family and all present to number our days while we are still alive. She challenged every one to consider what are the important things in life. She warned that sometimes the way we live make it seems as if life here on earth is forever. But she reminded every individual that it is not to be and life can end as early as before the next minute. Be it young or old, every one should not take life for granted.

I was told that the average age of a man is 72 years. As I am 35 now, I roughly have 37 years left of me. Multiply that number by 365, I basically have 13505 days. Well, that is how much I am left with in my pilgrim's journey.

I give thanks to God for this timely message because the whole of today I have not been feeling that great.

The day did not start well. It began with disappointment and frustration. I was supposed to meet my colleague immediately after the Liverpool-Chelsea match to discuss on some articles that we were supposed to do. As the deadlines are drawing near, we needed to rush them. My colleague assured me that he would be able to make it when I asked him a couple of times whether he was certain since our appointment was so early in the morning - 6am.

When I reached the office, he was not there. An hour later, he was still not in sight. I called and messaged him but to no avail. He finally came and that was at 9am. Three hours late. He apologised and said he overslept. He knew I was frustrated. I could have used those hours of waiting to sleep as well since I stayed up to watch the match but chose to forgo them just so we could meet up.

Anyway, I left it as it was and went on with my work.

The next struggle came when I was in church trying to prepare the lesson for this Sunday. Suddenly my whole mind was in turmoil.

The crux of the topic is on resolving conflicts. The whole time when I tried to start the lesson preparations, there was this accusing voice that kept saying to me, "Andy, how are you going to teach this lesson when you are currently in conflict with a sister? Do not kid yourself and be a hypocrite! You should have chosen to go for the Phuket trip this weekend with your friends instead of teaching this lesson!"

For an hour and a half, I just stared into my computer and nothing came out of my mind. I messaged a dear friend to pray for me as I needed some prayer support.

Well, since morning till the time I was struggling with the lesson plan, I felt really lousy. Sometimes I asked myself why am I so stupid to do things for people and sacrificing part of me when I could choose not to bother at all?

I also wondered if I have chosen to live my life in a more low-key attitude, maybe that would minimise potential tensions with people because the more prominent I am or pro-active I become, then the chances of conflicts are higher.

I also questioned whether sometimes I am being taken for granted by others. Here I am trying to make people happy but in the end, I got treated negatively.

Anyway, I share the above thoughts because those were precisely the things I was struggling with. I do not necessarily subscribe to them. I also did not write them to boast about the things I do. Just that at that point when I was feeling lousy, all these thoughts just came to mind.

Well, that is why I am thankful for the message my Pastor shared during the wake. At the end of the day when I have counted my days and realised there is not much time left, all the struggles I shared above pale in comparison with pursuing what is vital - that is to continue to do what God wants me to and not let disappointments cause me to doubt about the role God has given me.

So, how is my pilgrim's progress report? Well, once in a while, it has been stalled by the doubts and struggles of life but it is still moving along because it has to. I basically need God to continue spurring me on - sometimes I need Him to kick me in the butt so that I can wake up my ideas and move on.

Long sharing for today's blog. Thanks be to God for this day especially for the lesson learnt!

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning - though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered. We are consumed by your anger and terrified by your indignation. You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan. The length of our days is seventy years — or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you. Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O LORD! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us — yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90

Choices! Choices! Choices!

I came back not too long ago from a movie and dinner outing with some friends. All 6 of us went to watch Spiderman 3 at Prince 1 Theatre and then to Gluttons' Bay for our meal.

I got to know one new friend today - she is a roller-blading buddy of my dear friend. I enjoyed the time of fellowship with every one. As the rest did not know one another that well, my dear friend and I tried to make every one comfortable by initiating conversation and all. I asked the Lord to help me and I am thankful He guided me along the way.

Before I went for the movie, I was with a group of students and ex-students from the university playing rugby. Since all of them had finished their exams, they called me last night to join them for a friendly match against another group of ruggers. I went along as it has been a while since I met most of them. I did not play much - first of all, I am not supposed to play contact sports anymore due to an injury to my kidney in 1998. Secondly, I did not want to aggravate my weak left knee. I enjoyed the short time on the field though - really reminisce those times when I used to play regularly. I also had a great time catching up with every one.

Well, some of them are still not sure what they would like to do with their lives and careers. In the course of our conversations, I tried to advise accordingly.

Some are considering relationships but are not confident. Though I am no expert in this, I tried as best as I could to listen to their fears and gave them some points to ponder upon:-

1) One should not enter into a relationship just because they are pressured to do so from peers or parents or relatives;

2) One should go easy - develop the friendship first before entering into a serious relationship;

3) To those who are Christians, I encouraged them to pray about the individuals whom they are interested in. I also told them to consider the God-fearing aspect of the persons.

4) I advised them to go on group dates first (like today's rugby get-together) should they be nervous or unsure.

Well, like I said, I am not a guru in this since I myself have not been successful in winning the heart of the lady I love. Just as much as I gave advice, I also am still learning.

I am actually quite tired but I am going to stay up to watch the Liverpool-Chelsea Champions League Semi-Final Second Leg match at 2am later. Though Liverpool was beaten 0-1 in the First Leg, I hope they will bounce back later and win the match to go into the Final.

Anyway, before I end, I want to share a thought that I gathered while watching the Spiderman movie. Towards the last part of the show, one of the characters mentioned that the choices made by an individual will make him to be what he is.

To a very much extent, I agree with that but I would like to add on (in my opinion as a Christian) another point - the choices must also be guided by God since He knows what is best for us.

The problem is that most of the time, we refuse to listen to Him and in the process wrong choices are made. When that happens, the consequences are for us to bear but it is never the end of the road. We can always invite God back to our decision-making and He will gladly help us from where we left off.

I guess that is all I have to say.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

The Lord Protects!

Something happened when I was going through my driving lesson this afternoon. At around 1:45, while I was at the junction of Ang Mo Kio Avenue 9, Yio Chu Kang Road and Lentor Avenue, two cars behind mine banged into each other and narrowly missed the car I was in by about 5cm.

It was so loud that it gave me a scare. The boot of the car directly behind mine was bashed up quite badly and the bonnet of the other vehicle was equally bad. The lady driver in the car behind was very shaken but I thank the Lord both drivers seemed okay.

My instructor and I came out to see whether every one was fine. After he checked our car, he asked me to drive on. Since he was the instructor I just did what he said. As I drove on, I just said a quick prayer for the two drivers and hoped the Lord will help them in the settlement of the damages caused.

It was such a close shave. When I heard the bang, I instinctively gripped my steering wheel so tightly. I do not know why I did that though. Anyway, thanks be to God again.

After going back to the driving centre, I wanted to have my lunch but I was still quite shaken by the near-miss accident that I did not feel like eating anymore. I basically walked around Ang Mo Kio Hub, bought some groceries and headed home.

I guess that is all I have to share for today.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

When Unsure, Seek God

I just finished ironing a basket-load of clothes. Though very tiring after a while, it felt good seeing all the nicely-pressed shirts and slacks. Coincidentally when I was messaging my dear friend to ask how she is feeling now, she was also doing some ironing. She said she is feeling better and was strong enough to do some housework rather than staring into blank space like yesterday when she was feeling weak. I am glad she went to see the doctor and was prescribed some medications for her tummy.

When I was doing the ironing, I was praying for some people and also the things that I will be doing this week. I am going to teach at the Youth Ministry again this Sunday. I have yet to plan the lesson and the approach to it. As many of the Youth Ministry Mentors will not be around as most of them will be away on holidays, I think I will most probably conduct a mass session instead.

My heart is still burdened for some siblings-in-Christ especially for their walk with God. One of them is specially closed to my heart but for the past few months things are not going well between us. This has been a burden for me but I find comfort each time I leave my dear sibling into God's care through prayer. This is the least I can do.

I also prayed for God's healing on my dear friend and others who are unwell. I know all of them will be healed in no time.

Though God has been teaching me many things this year, there are also areas where I am still seeking Him for counsel, wisdom and understanding. For example, the rift between my dear sibling-in-Christ and me. I still do not know exactly why we have drifted so far and why there is still no reconciliation. It hurts to see us like total strangers now. I desire to know what went wrong so that I can learn from it. I hope I will be given a chance to do so. For now, I cannot do much except to pray daily for God to make it happen one day. It is a heavy burden I am carrying on my shoulders and it will never be off-loaded till it is resolved.

Well, these were some thoughts I had while doing the housework. Time for me to end here as I need to go for my driving lesson.

Till I blog again, have a blessed day ahead!

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 43:5

What Is God's Calling For Me?

Today has been a super-long and tiring one for me but thanks be to God for pulling me through all the hectic schedules.

There are just so many things to thank the Lord for:-

1) I attended the Youth Ministry session this morning where a missionary from Uruguay came to share her testimony. Her name is June Chua.

She was called to serve in the mission field when she was studying in the United Kingdom. She began to ask God about the purpose of life on earth when a dear friend of hers was murdered when she was running alone in MacRitchie Reservoir several years ago.

June married a man who was once a drug addict but God changed his life when he attended a Benny Hinn Rally. She was sharing that when the Holy Spirit falls upon the life of a person, he would be completely changed inside-out. Her husband never turned back to drugs again and they have been happily married for 17 years with two teenage kids.

In the course of sharing about her growing up years, June encouraged the youths that there are two major decisions that they should not compromise when they are at a stage in life where they are considering about marriage and their future: one is that their life-partner must be a God-fearing man or woman - a person after God's own heart; two is the need for the individual to seek the Lord as to what He really wants him or her to do with his or her life - a goal; a purpose. I hope I got them right. The two points she mentioned hit me hard because they are truly vital in one's life.

Anyway, when June and her husband were praying as to where the Lord might want them to serve as missionaries, they were prompted to go to Uruguay.

They rented a shop space and started inviting people living in the streets into their church. Many of them are HIV-positive. Though a couple of them died after a while, the couple were thankful that they left this world knowing God at least.

The above-mentioned were some of the points that spoke to me. I had to leave early for the Worship Team rehearsal so I did not get the chance to listen to the rest.

The thing that hit me about the life of our missionary-sister is that there is joy in all that she does though the tasks entrusted to the missionary couple can be very daunting at times. This was my conclusion as I reflected on the testimony shared - when one obeys God's call; He will provide for the person all the way.

2) The praise and worship session at the 11:15am service went well. Praise the Lord! I do not know about the rest but at one stage, I cried as I sang because I felt God healing my heart. During the Youth Ministry session, I became down-trodden suddenly. I asked God to heal me and not let this affect my service to Him as a worship-leader. Well, He truly answered my prayer and lifted my spirit. I want to give God all the glory for all that had happened during the service.

3) The mission training session immediately after the service was also an enriching one for me as I shared with the team about the history of missions in the Methodist Church and also in the local church. The team members were spontaneous in the sharing. I believe God will use each and every one of them powerfully when they go forth to the land of Cambodia that God has called the church to.

Well, these were the three things that I was involved in back to back from early in the morning to the later part of the afternoon. I thank God for the fish burger that was provided to me by a brother-in-Christ. Though I got to eat it only at 4pm, I was still thankful there was at least something to sustain me physically.

A dear friend of mine is down with stomach flu. I hope she will feel better after seeing the doctor tomorrow. For now I pray the Lord will sustain her physically tonight as I know the uncomfortable feeling of being sick - not really an experience one would want to go through.

Actually a couple of my other friends are also down: my dear friend's sister is having a bad tummy; my Pastor-in-Charge is down with food poisoning; another has rashes all over his body, another is feeling a little weak. I pray the Lord will heal each and every one of them real soon.

I went for a run in the evening with the MacRitchie Running Fellowship (MRF). We did about 8km but I did not finish the whole route. Sigh. In the halfway mark, my left knee was a little painful and I also felt kind of weak - maybe because I did not eat sufficiently. Anyway, I decided to brisk-walk instead and I thank the Lord I still managed to reach the finishing point.

It was dinner next. The MRFers celebrated a brother's birthday and we went to Thomson Plaza's Swensens. It was a great time of fellowship as we feasted.

Well, I am glad I am finally home. I am looking forward to a good sleep tonight. I hope the Lord will refresh me during my slumber.

Time to end here. God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good!

"Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:10-11

We Know Ourselves Better By The Day

I attended the Paya Lebar Methodist Girls' School's (PLMGS') Kaleidoscope Concert in their new auditorium this afternoon at 3:30pm. It was one of the best school concerts I have ever attended. If there are any PLMGS girls reading this blog, well done! I could see the effort and pride in all the performers.

I enjoyed, most, the tribal dance segment performed by the Dance Club. It was energetic, full of colours and very well-choreographed movements.

I have never enjoyed Chinese Orchestra before but the Guzheng Duan performance was also great - such intensity! They have changed my impression of Chinese classical music.

I also learnt a couple of things about harps when another group of girls did a rendition. I realised it is not just about plucking the strings but having to adjust certain levers as well while playing. Wow!

I was there with a dear friend and two other youths. I must thank them for the invitation - if not, my Saturday would have been uneventful.

After the concert, I had dinner with my dear friend at a Japanese restaurant in a hotel near town. It was fun as we fellowshipped over food. The time spent also allowed us to understand each other better though we have been friends for a couple of years already.

I learnt from our conversation that one should not stereotype another in a relationship or take for granted that once you know a person, the knowledge of him stops there. I think developing a relationship is always ongoing. One may be surprised to know more about another friend as time goes by. Be it good or bad traits, both parties should affirm and correct one another along the journey.

I got to know my friend better tonight and I am grateful to her for telling me more about her impression of me. I cherish that because it allows me to know myself better and to overcome any shortcomings.

Anyway, I am not ashamed to share this - Andy Chew talks too much and I am learning when I should talk less and be sensitive to the people I am in contact with. I was telling my friend that when I was with her, I knew at certain times she wanted to be quiet and I managed to get myself to shut up. There were occasions when I failed though. Hee. :)

Since I am on the topic of relationship, I do regret those broken friendships I have experienced in my pilgrim's journey. I have shared this before in my previous blogs - I long for reconciliation but the other party must be willing to allow me to seek forgiveness from him or her and give me a chance to learn and change. Every day I pray about this and I hope in God's time, He will make them happen. I really do not wish to die one day and realise that I have unsettled business with my friends. It is regretful and painful and I guess this is one thorn I have to bear as I experience the adventures of life.

Okie, time to stop. Praise the Lord for this day. I pray my dear friend will feel better physically when she wakes up tomorrow. She was unwell during the meal.

Long day for me tomorrow but everything is going to be alright in Christ.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." Proverbs 19:20

What Should I Bring Before God In Worship?

I am very thankful to God today for all that He has done for me. I went to church in the late morning to prepare for the worship and mission training sessions for Sunday. It was truly by God's grace all these went smoothly because I still had a lot to do though I started yesterday.

The Worship Team rehearsal was refreshing. Usually we would rush into the practice but tonight we spent about 20 minutes sharing about the Word on sacrifices to God which are simply a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. That is all the Lord asked for when we come before Him in worship and it was a good reminder for the team.

Sometimes we feel that we have to play sophisticatedly in order for the worship to be good. It is always a great thing to be creative but what is more fundamental is the need for all to know the reasons we are doing it. Sometimes we may fall into the trap of glorifying self than God. It is so easy to do that which was precisely the cause of Lucifer's (Satan's) fall when he wanted to take the glory away from God to himself.

We still ended the rehearsal on time. I could see every team member leaving the Worship Hall still joyful and refreshed. Thanks be to God! It was also encouraging to see a brother from the Youth Ministry team playing the drums. He struggled initially but at the end of it all, God guided him and he blended in well with the rest. Hallelujah! :)

I shall end here. Looking forward to the weekend though it is going to be a long one on Sunday. Tomorrow should be fun as I am going to attend a concert in Paya Lebar Methodist Girls' School and then after have dinner with a dear friend.

To God be the glory for today!

"O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:15-17

When Down, Look Up

I wanted to run this morning but it was raining.

Anyway, I went for my driving lesson. While I was at the wheel, I was just wondering to myself whether all these effort of trying and trying and having spent so much money is worth it at all at the end of the day. An older sister-in-Christ failed her test yesterday and it was her second try.

Of course it is good to have that green-coloured card, which I believe is one of the most expensive plastic one can ever own in Singapore, but if I have to spend so much (be it effort or money) to obtain it, should I reconsider pursuing it and channel the resources to other purposes instead?

Anyway, I was sharing with the instructor the above-mentioned throughout the 100 minutes we were together. He was probably dying listening to my blabbing. Poor guy! It was quite funny when we arrived at the centre that he told me not to give up since I have already come so far. He asked me what were some of the problems I faced and told me to be "zai" ("calm"). Mr. Ong could have walked off after suffering in my presence for so long but he took the effort to help me. I appreciated that lots.

Next, I went to the Coffee Bean outlet in Ngee Ann City to prepare two things: the worship session that I am leading at the 11:15am service; and the mission training session that I am facilitating after that. This Sunday is going to be packed for me.

Anyway, I found it hard to focus initially. My mind was thinking of a few people and stuff. In the end I just spent some time in prayer. It was weird to pray in a crowded place but I needed to. I did not care whether people found me weird or not but at that time, I needed God to help me.

Well, it did help and I spent the next three hours writing my thoughts down. I have not finished the preparations but by tomorrow I should be able to, by God's grace.

I sensed the devil is going to use a few things that I am struggling with now to distract me from what I am to do this week especially Sunday. I guess I need to be on my guard. It is quite draining but for the sake of the ministries I am doing, I have to be extra careful.

I came back in the evening and since the weather was fine, I decided to go for a run. It was refreshing. I am working hard to exercise on a regular basis so that I can stay healthy and lose the extra pounds - I hope the Lord will help me press on because there is always this inertia to do so.

When I was done with that, I went up to my flat to bring my dog down for a walk. She was quite funny when she saw me entering the door. She basically went to the table, took the harness and dropped it where my feet were. This is the first time she is doing this and I was quite amused by her action.

Oh yah, yesterday was mum's birthday but since we celebrated on Monday already, there was nothing on except for dad spending time with her out somewhere. I did buy something for her though - I got her favourite mango cake and she was quite surprised when she saw it as she entered the flat. Glad she enjoyed it.

Okie, time for me to keep quiet. I talk a lot today. Pity Mr. Ong and all who will be reading today's blog. Sorry. One of those days! :)

Thanks be to God, anyway!

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Drawing The Line

I am facing a dilemma at work where I find it hard to accept an approach by a colleague who is of the same gender. It has been going on for a while already but I have not been confrontational with him as I do not wish to put him down for his actions.

Just as much as I would like to accept his personality, I think a line needs to be drawn and I am that close to telling him my stand. Eventually I will and I hope he gets the message.

It is not easy to deal with this - just as much as I accept my colleague as who he is, that does not mean I accept his lifestyle. I have hinted to him before that I am not interested but obviously it was not clear enough.

I spoke to another colleague who was approached before and I think it is important to have another party around should there be a need to confront. It is a dirty job but if there is a need to, I guess I will.

I hesitate in blogging this but I decided to do so to make it clear that I do not condemn my colleague. Just that if it becomes too awkward a situation, I have to stand my ground and let him know my uneasiness.

I shall leave it as that for now. I guess I need a lot of grace here. I could have been blunt but it is a wrong thing to do. May the Lord be my help in dealing with this situation.

Anyway, this afternoon I met a dear sister-in-Christ for a late lunch in Marina Square. Though it was just an hour of fellowship, I praise the Lord for the time spent in catching up with her. She treated me to a complimentary dessert of two scoops of ice-cream at her work-place. They were delicious. After that, we went to have sushies. It has been a while since I had Japanese food so it was nice to chomp down all my favourite flavours.

I had to run some errands in the heart of the business district after the meal and in the evening I met another friend at my place. We needed to get some stuff done and I praise the Lord all went well.

I am actually very tired now but I will probably stay up all the way to watch the Chelsea-Liverpool Champions League semi-final match later at 2am. I wanted to watch this morning's Manchester United-AC Milan match but decided against it as I needed to work. I was disappointed the Red Devils won in the first leg and I am sure one of my younger sisters-in-Christ is very happy now that her favourite team won. If she is reading this blog, I think she would know I am referring to her. :) Congratulations, anyway! At least for now. Hee.

Alright, I guess that is all for now. An eventful day indeed for me - very draining though, physically, emotionally and mentally.

No matter what, thanks be to God!

The passage below may not necessarily be in line with what I shared in the opening paragraphs but I still find it appropriate. I basically need to be wise in the way I act toward outsiders and also to let them know about my beliefs as a Christian. Though they may not accept them, at least they know where I stand. They may question but this is where I need God to give me the grace to answer their doubts and not judge them for our differing views on certain matters.

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:5-6