Remember: Satan Has No Power Over You. God Does!

Praise the Lord for today! In the morning I was feeling nervous and anxious as I needed to settle something with someone in the evening. Then I prayed for God to take charge of the time we are going to spend together that it would be one where His name be glorified and the both of us edified. I also prayed that we would not let emotions get the better of us.

In the afternoon I met up with a dear brother-in-Christ whom I have not met for almost a year. He felt burdened for me with regards to my physical and spiritual well-being.

Again he was God-sent and in the time of fellowship, he warned me against the devil prowling around like a roaring lion, waiting to devour anyone along the way. It is quite interesting to note that this was also cautioned to me by another sibling-in-Christ yesterday and the messages are almost similar.

This pastor-friend knew I was considering full-time ministry in the area of missions at the beginning of last year but I had to shelf the idea due to the ill-health of my parents and grandma. It was from here that my life went downhill as I was in a limbo. I lost confidence in myself and started wondering as to why the plans did not go accordingly. On top of that the stress I was experiencing in having to take care of the three old folks. Slowly it became very frustrating as I felt helpless having to deal with their occasional squabbles which sometimes escalated to quite a violent scene.

This then led me to having resentment towards my parents and grandma for spoiling my plans and of course it spilled over to my other loved ones.

My this dear friend needed to run through the whole course of my journey in the past one and a half years so that I could see for myself what was the root of it all. Just like it was told to me yesterday by another sibling-in-Christ, the common target is my loved ones.

Satan always uses our loved ones to attack us because usually that would weaken and affect us the most. As much as I do not want to give him too much credit, I have to admit that he can inflict quite a damage.

But the message of revelation here is that this idiotic creature who has been going around creating havoc was actually defeated when Jesus died on the cross for our sins. The sad part is that many times Christians fall into his traps and when that happens, he or she would feel defeated and dejected.

My pastor-friend challenged me to claim the victorious name of Jesus against the work of Satan and this foe has no choice but to flee because God is greater!

The time spent with that someone in the evening turned out well and I give all thanks and praise to God for that. I have learnt not to see my loved ones as my foes anymore. The real enemy is Satan. I will be on my watch all the time against his schemes and with Jesus, who has died for my sins and overcame death on the cross, by my side, who am I to fear?

If you have read my blogs recently, all the accounts point to one thing - the God whom I worship is so real! If not, I would have been left on my own to deal with the problems I am going through now. :)

Soon I would be going on a personal retreat to seek God for directions in my life ahead. I think it is going to be an adventurous one!

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5: 6-11

Change Must Begin With Me

It has not been a good day for me as I was battling with a couple of matters which lately have made me very insecure. I was so burdened to the point where I just had no desire to do anything else.

Then came a call from an older sister-in-Christ whom I respect a lot. It was God-sent because what she shared reminded me of the dream I received when I was undergoing my surgery last Friday. The part on going back to the Word of God to receive nourishment and encouragement; and also to turn my burdens to faith/prayer.

Now I can see how weak a human mind can be where in one moment I am challenged to do the above-mentioned (and the best part was I was all geared up for it) but when I am thrown back to reality where I have to deal with the circumstances of life, it is back to trusting my own strength and letting the human emotions affect and weaken me. :(

Also from the words of this same dear sister in an email she wrote a few days ago, she told me that in order for your desire to see a change in someone I am burdened for, that transformation needs to begin with me. How true that is!

How can I expect someone to come back to God when I myself am struggling in my own walk? How can I pray for someone to get well when in me there is no faith for that healing to happen? How can I change someone's negative thoughts when I myself am harbouring them? How can I teach someone to love when I have my own hatred against another?

Such irony. Though I feel I have been a disappointment to a few people lately and also having burdens for them, I think I need to put these dear individuals aside (though my heart still goes out to them) and tend to my own garden first. Basically to weed out those unhealthy areas of my life and let God take full sovereignty again.

It is not going to be an easy road ahead because there will be moments when there are urges to snatch back what I have surrendered to God. I pray and also request of those reading this blog, who are my fellow siblings-in-Christ, to intercede along with me that I will persevere and let God minister to me in His mighty ways.

I think it is time to put a stop being a stumbling block to the people around, especially those close to my heart. God did not make me to be a failure or a disappointment. He made me to be a blessing and I need to claim back that identity I have in Him. I need, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to start glorifying God and edifying those around me.

Well, for a start I am considering a retreat away from people whom I am familiar with and just let the Spirit refreshes me. It will be soon but no exact dates yet. May that be the beginning of a breakthrough that is long overdue.

Transformation begins with me! "Lord, I come before you with a broken and contrite heart. Heal me, I pray."

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

Blessings

BLESSINGS
by Laura Story
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ)

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I listened to the above song on Sunday at the service and tears just rolled down as the words are exactly what I am going through now.

Then yesterday this song became more of a cry to God because I just felt that no one appreciates what I do for them. Sometimes I feel I am more of a pain to them and it hurts when all these while my intention was to ensure that their spiritual, physical, emotional and mental needs are taken care of. At times I have to go through the inertia to be there for them because I myself have my own struggles - my ill-health and my burdens. I am not trying to gain any glory or recognition by saying all these... these individuals means so much to me that I cannot use my problems as an excuse not to be there for them.

But what do I get in return? I was told to make space for one. Another got angry with me for an advice I gave. Yet another now distant himself from me because I tried to right some negative thoughts in him.

Yesterday was the last straw when I had a quarrel with my dad. From a good intention I had in advising him to watch his hygiene, I was told off by him - that I should not talk to him as if I am his father. I never had that thought and this was said of me by a father I love.

I left the house because I could not take it anymore. I just needed to be away from everyone and everything. I went to Sentosa boardwalk to be quiet before God and played this song as I walked along.

I told God that I have always spared a thought for the people I love, being there for them, trying to help them, thinking of all possible ways to make them happy even at times when I find it hard to be happy.

How many of these individuals have spared a thought for me? Instead of getting a "thank you," I got blamed for voicing my concerns/views. Here I am trying to help them avoid the pitfalls of life and there they are walking directly into them because they want to venture life on their own.

I told God perhaps I should lay off loving and caring for people because it is pointless. I know I should not expect to receive when I give but how I wish sometimes some appreciations are shown... I am a human and I have feelings too.

I do not know how long more I have on earth but as the words of the song above states, "When friends betray us. When darkness seems to win. We know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home. It's not our home."

I know all these will go away one day when I leave this temporary dwelling place. There will be no more disappointment, hurt, etc but while I am still here I shall try to persevere and continue to love unconditionally. It is still going to be a struggle but I will try.

It is my prayer though that we all learn to appreciate the love and care shown to us by others; to heed the counsel of those who have gone ahead of us even though we want to be independent; to accept that in this world we cannot journey through life alone. Do consider the feelings of those who love and care for us. Some of our lives may have moved on but what we may have left behind are some broken-hearted individuals who had put us first before themselves.

Well, I guess there are blessings afterall through raindrops; healing through tears; the realisation that God is still near through the many sleepless nights one may experience.

Trials of life, at the end of it all, are indeed God's mercies in disguise.

The River That Brings Life

Now I know why there are so many in this world who are proclaiming aloud that God is great.

Yesterday I had an encounter with the Lord.

I was scheduled for a surgery yesterday at 10.00am but prior to that, I encountered a crisis which almost made me decide to postpone the operation. Emotionally and mentally I was not ready but in the end I was encouraged by someone to go for it.

I told the Lord before I was put on general anesthesia that I will leave the crisis to Him. I also asked Him to help me deal with the situation when I am conscious again.

I was awake at around 3.00pm. The nurse told me I have been unconscious for about 5 hours. I was updated on the surgery which took almost 2 1/2 hours rather than the scheduled one hour as I was bleeding quite badly. Praise God that the bleeding was plugged and the surgery a success.

This was not the encounter I was referring to above. The spiritual experience was a dream I had while I was unconscious. I do not know how this can be explained but I guess it is the same as one being able to have dreams while he or she is asleep.

I dreamed I was standing by a river. The water was not flowing rapidly. It was a gentle flow. I remembered having this light constantly shining down where I was. Then I stepped into the water and took a dip and when I came out of it, I felt my spirit being lifted! It felt that I was cleansed; made new again!

I did not have that choked up feeling. No more that guilt I have been experiencing. It was contrary to what I was feeling before the operation.

I shared with my sister about this. I told her I have not had this experience for a real long time already. I also told her that surely the Word of God has something to say about this.

I had to stay in the observation ward for a couple more hours. When I was given the all-clear, I did the discharge procedures and headed home.

I had something soupy for dinner and after that I gathered my parents and grandma and told them about my surgery. I did not tell them before as I was afraid that they would not be able to take it well and be worried about me which would then affect their health. When I woke up in the ward, there was this nudge telling me to inform the three elderly folks about it. The peace I received was on the part where this could be an opportunity for us to channel all our worries to God in prayer as a family.

My grandma cried and my parents were concerned but I encouraged them to pray for me.

I rested for a while and when I woke up at around 9.15pm, I decided to take out my Bible and sought the Lord on the dream I received.

Two passages I read:-

Psalm 1:1-6:

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither — whatever they do prospers."

Psalm 23:

"The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

From the first passage, I guess God wants me to go back to His Word. I confess I have neglected that for a while already. I thought what I have learnt and kept in my heart in my Christian journey were sufficient but I guess my attitude towards His Word should not be that way. It may be the same passages I have read before but God may reveal new things in the current circumstances I am in. I guess I should not be contented with what I have already received but to continually yearn and hunger for more of His Word that gives life. This is one source where God speaks; where God reveals; where God gives refreshment.

The second passage gives me that sense of calm/peace that God is in control of everything. I would like to receive this as an affirmation on two things: one was the dream I mentioned above and the other was a conversation I had with one of my church's lay-ministry staff last week. In that time spent with her, which was not planned at all, she told me I am burdened and feeling tired over a few things in my life: the missions ministry I am chairing; my family; my health; and also a loved one. Prior to this conversation, I did not give any update to her on these. She challenged me to turn these burdens and sense of exhaustion to that of faith. She reminded me that God can and will always be in charge of these four areas. She also assured me that God will take care of these areas in His time. The thing is whether I am willing to let Him do so. I did take up that challenge but the few days after, I snatched them back from God and tried to deal with them using my own strength and understanding. Of course I became troubled again.

Yesterday when I came around from the general anesthesia, I was determined to surrender these to God. It was suddenly so clear to me that I cannot control these with my own understanding. The one and only way is to let go and let God. Surely God's goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

Amazing, isn't it? Never knew an operation I had to undergo can bring about such revelation. I was telling my sister that it was like God had me sat down in His presence for 2 1/2 hours and he spoke to me all these.

I want to share this so that those who read my blogs and believe in God can be encouraged and challenged to not let the Word of God depart from our lives but to constantly read them no matter how sometimes we struggle to want to do so due to the lures of this world. Many times we complained that God's Word is not relevant anymore. Well, based on this encounter I had, it is still relevant. It is a matter of whether we want to be teachable. God is never far away from us. He is as close as where our Bibles are kept. He is as close as where we go on our knees and pray.

To God be the glory! My heartfelt thanks to those who prayed for me during the surgery; who offered to fetch me to and from the hospital; who wanted to buy stuff for me so that I can be kept occupied at home; and also to a sibling-in-Christ who went to the hospital to visit me during her lunch-break but was turned away due to the no-visitor rule for post-op patients. All of you have been a great blessing to me! :)

God is good and His love endures forever and ever! :)

Ironing Out An Irony

Vomiting has been part of my life lately. This morning at around 4.45am I was not able to rush in time to the basin... puked on my bed instead. Then while I was on my way to church in the bus, I vomited again. Thank God I had a couple of plastic bags with me.

I wish next Thursday would come early so that I will suffer no more from all these inconveniences. While this is not going to happen anytime sooner, I pray God will give me perseverance and an attitude of thanksgiving.

Yesterday I walked my dog around my estate and I used the time to speak to God. I asked Him this question - "Lord, what is Your will for me in all these struggles I am experiencing now?"

As I reflected on my life the past few months, I realised I have not really trusted God in almost every area of my life. Everything I tried to do, it was with my own wisdom and understanding. Then when I am unable to do it, I become frustrated. This in turn cause me to vent my frustrations on the people closest to me.

Because of this, my relationship with them has not been good at all.

As much as these are the people I love and care the most, they are also the ones whom I have hurt the most. What an irony! :(

It has been a bitter lesson for me but yesterday I asked God to help me change this difficult/humbling experience to something which can build my character and also allow me be more sensitive to the people around me. All I ask is that the people whom I have affected will give me a chance to do so.

Two more hours to the rehearsal for a couple whose wedding I am coordinating.

I guess I shall end here for now.

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

Trust

I got a shock yesterday, towards the late afternoon, when I suddenly felt nauseous. I vomited even though I tried to control it. I panicked when I saw blood and some black powdery substances in my puke.

I called my doctor and was advised to visit his clinic immediately. He told me that my stomach ulcers are probably bleeding. Though he said the condition is serious, he felt that it is still alright for me to wait till next Thursday when I am scheduled to go for a procedure to treat the ulcers.

As I walked out of the hospital, I was prompted to head to the Singapore Botanic Gardens which is just next door. I decided to take the time to sit under a gazebo to just be still. I guess God knew I needed the solace. I also took the time to pray about my frustration and discouragement.

As I was reflecting on what have been happening in my life: my struggles at home; in relationships with people; and in my own health issues, I sometimes feel very lonely. It is not that I do not have friends whom I can depend on. It is just that I feel I am troubling them too much with my prayer items and struggles. I also do not wish to put them in a difficult position because I know many times, some of them would not know how to help me.

I confess that lately I would rather keep things to myself and just pour my heart to the one Friend who is always by my side. Though I have been doing that, sometimes I do not hear Him speak and I begin to wonder why this is so.

Then I remembered an article I read on "TRUST" sent to me a few days ago by a dear brother. I guess even during times when God does not seem to speak, I need to trust that in His time He will make all things beautiful.

Since I am on this topic, it is also my prayer that I will be truthful to all my friends as much as I hope they would be truthful to me. If there is no complete trust, the friendship/relationship is incomplete. Not an easy thing to practice in these days and times.

I am feeling quite tired. I did not get to sleep much as I vomited three more times throughout the night and was running a fever.

When will my life be back to normal again I do not know. I hope God knows that I am almost up to my neck.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7

Forgetting What Is Behind; Pressing On To What Is Ahead

Yesterday I posted on my FaceBook this statement, "... if I do not wish to have regrets tomorrow, I have to make my actions count today."

This is especially true for me lately as my actions of today cause me to regret them tomorrow. This applies in my relationship with people - especially those whom I am close with but have taken them for granted; in my outlook of life where lately I have been more negative towards people and circumstances because I feel that life, God, everything and everyone are being unfair to me; in my walk with God where I can learn so much of Him daily but then I let the distractions of life draw me away from Him.

I had a great time with God today. I walked from The Playground@BigSplash in East Coast Park to The National Sailing Centre- roughly a distance of 5km. I decided on this route as I used to spend time with God by the beach or at MacRitchie Reservoir at the beginning of each month, evaluating and reflecting on my life. I would take those private moments with Him, giving thanks for His blessings and praying about the struggles I was facing in my journey.

Other than just letting God know the struggles I stated in the second paragraph, I also made sure that I be still and listen to His promptings.

One thing I was challenged to do is to forget what lies behind but to press on to what is ahead. What I have done in the past I cannot control anymore because it is done but what I can do is the future. This time it is not letting emotions or discouragements or frustrations or resentments to get the better of me. Instead I will let God lead me accordingly.

In doing the above-mentioned, I pray that those whom I have affected because I did not keep my life in check will allow me to make amend and also to trust me again. In some of these relationship breakdowns, I pray they will be restored to what they were before because those were the moments where both parties enjoyed each other's fellowship and company.

The restoration and reconciliation may take a while but I will press on.

I am also challenged to go back on track with God again. I have decided not to compromise in reading God's Word, praying and being still before Him daily. I will also further enrich my walk in attending teaching courses which may be beneficial to me.

I will also try to blog regularly so that I can share of God's goodness and my life's journey (both the joy and pain) to those who want to read my postings.

Well, it has been a great day. Thanks be to God for that! :)

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Stigma Of Being A Single 2

On 24 June 2008, I blogged about the stigma of being a single. Three years now, it is still no different. In fact, it has become worse.

I decided to write on this again because a youth at the recent church camp was puzzled as to why I am not married since I am already so old. :)

I have just turned 39 and as always, when people wished me a happy birthday, they would ask me when am I going to get married and how come I still do not have a girlfriend and all.

I know most meant well when they asked but in the past three years since I blogged on this topic, I still hear of some hurtful comments made either directly from the persons who said them or from some friends who told me. I have no qualms sharing that some of these were made from friends whom I am close with - they probably think they know me well enough to make certain assumptions.

I still get people coming to me, telling me to be careful when I am in contact with someone of the opposite gender, who is much younger than me. I appreciate their concerns for that but there were incidents where others told me straight in the face that these ladies are too young for me and that I should not be too hopeful or be a cradle-snatcher since I am so much older than them. They even try to sympathise with me by making comments that ladies around my age are now hard to find because many are probably now married. They even asked how come I did not act faster when I was younger.

Why do people always have to draw conclusions like the above-mentioned? Does this mean a 39-year old single man cannot be in contact with women who are much younger just because he is giving others the impression that he is trying to court them as ladies of his age are now hard to come by?

I have a God-sister who is much younger than me and I get that all the time from people who blatantly told me that this brother-sister relationship is maybe a disguise and that if I am serious about her that I should tell her and not pretend to be god-siblings, etc.

Each time I get that kind of remarks, my heart just sank because it shows how superficial people can be and if I may add further, it is also an insult to me, as if I cannot think logically.

There are still comments made of my horizontally-challenged build and also doubts of my gender-preference.

On the latter, one comment was made that I should not be so desperate that since it is so difficult for me to find a nice lady that I am now considering a man to be my partner. This was said not just in my presence but in front of a few people. It may sound like a joke but I wish that person would have been more sensitive to my feelings.

A new remark was made last year about my health. Many would know that I had a kidney ailment a couple of years ago due to an injury sustained while playing rugby in the UK. Because of this I had to undergo dialysis treatment thrice weekly. The comment was that women probably prefer men who are healthy. Well, perhaps it is true.

I always tell people that I may be single but I am not desperate and it remains as it is today. Whether they choose to believe me, that I cannot control. I also cannot let people's assumptions of me make me stand on my toes all the time. Primarily I am accountable to God for my motive and action.

I am happy being a single. Should one day someone around my age (who is rare now) come by my way and we are able to share the same calling God has for us and we are able to click well, then thanks be to Him for that union! If not, life goes on for me.

Below was the blog I wrote three years ago.

**************************************************************************

Stigma Of Being A Single

I experienced some pretty unpleasant encounters in the past few days. As the title of this blog states, it is the stigma of being single at the age of 36. Though this does not bother me much, I am still saddened by some who make assumptions which, at the end of the day, can be unfair to me. Hence the disappointment and sadness I feel in my heart.

One encounter has got to do with an impression some individuals have of me that I have ulterior motives when I am closed to someone of the opposite gender who is much younger than me. By this I meant the concern that I am actually going after a young individual, as in courtship. I am okay about the concern aspect but not to the point where conclusions are drawn when I did not have that kind of motives in the first place.

Anyway, I have concluded that if my conscience is clear then I should not be too bothered by this. If I begin to behave awkwardly, then it would show others that I am actually guilty. Hopefully time will show these persons that they have made wrong conclusions and assumptions.

The other encounter was truly an insensitive remark being made. I was asked whether I am a gay because I am still single at this age. The sad thing is this person actually knows me. When I heard that statement being made, I was hurt but so be it. Every one is entitled to their opinion of another and I cannot always defend what they think of me.

Then another remark was made in the subsequent conversation which did not help me either. Another individual commented that perhaps it could be due to my weight; that I should go on a diet so that girls will come after a slimmer Andy Chew. If that is the case, I would rather remain single for the rest of my life because I know superficiality will not bring two parties far.

Why are we so superficial? I use "we" because I am equally guilty of being insensitive and assuming at times.

Well, another interesting part of my pilgrim's journey. Anyway, it is not that I do not want to change my status from being single to married. I cannot, because of what others think of me, rush into a relationship which, if not handled properly, will cause two lives and a friendship to be broken. I would rather maintain the friendship than to break it just because I want to be accepted in society as a married individual; to succumb to peer pressure; to cheapen the love God has given and taught me just because the world has a warped idea of what love is.

I guess I have shared enough. May the Lord be my help in all things!

Time to sleep. I have to babysit Claire tomorrow though I have no clue yet as to the time and place of meet. I am looking forward to it and I pray we will all have fun together.

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." Leviticus 19:18

Let Them Go

This morning I had very troubling dreams of some people whom I have burdens for. The dreams were so real and painful that when I woke up, my heart was very heavy. I acted on these dreams by first praying for these lives as I have no idea what else to do then.

Throughout the day those dreams were still in my mind. As I was pondering on them, sometimes I wonder whether my ministry to these individuals has any significance at all.

In my growing up years as a Christian, I have been taught to give without expecting anything in return but today I wonder it was worth it at all.

Perhaps it is the human side of me which is battling this thought but it is something real. I have been serving God for more than 20 years now. I have given a great significant of my time to the ministries I have been serving in and they all involve lives.

I have experienced a lot of joy serving the people around me but lately there seems to be more discouragement and pain. When I know of certain struggles they are going through, I pray for them. When I felt that there was a need to speak to them, I always ask God to speak through me.

What bothers me is that all these words of encouragements or sometimes rebukes seem to fall on deaf ears.

I have been asking God why this is so and these past few days, the words I have been receiving are "Let them go."

Maybe I should because after all I am a human trying my best to be there for the people I love but I can only go that far. Perhaps I need to let go of them and trust that God will minister to these lives more effectively.

There is a sense of uselessness that I am experiencing because it makes me wonder whether I am effective at all as a friend or brother to another. Sometimes I wish people can spare a thought for me too but I guess I should not be expecting that.

Well, this is one area of my life now as a Christian and a point in my journey that I am in doubt. Perhaps I should take a sabbatical in ministry and let God equip me again so that I can carry on in the next phase.

Not a good day I have but a needed one for me to reflect and evaluate.

"Listen to my words, LORD, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:1-3

Be Grateful When Kindness Is Shown

I felt I needed to write this after what I saw in the train when I was on my way home from running some errands just now.

From where I was, there were two vacant seats in front of me. When it came to the next train station, three youths, probably from a polytechnic, rushed in and managed to grab the seats. A lady next to them decided to give up her seat for the third youth and she found another along the same row where I was.

The three individuals first caught my attention because one of them rushed into the train as if the end of the world is near and he needed to sit down to catch his breath. I left it as it was after that and went on to browse the Facebook on my iPhone.

What irked me was all the remarks that same youth made to his two friends and it was loud enough for all to hear. First it was about the lady - he said stuff like, "Hiyah! Since she gave you the seat, just take and don't care about her." "She probably felt guilty that you do not have a seat, that is why she is giving it up." He was also using a lot of expletives!

I was so annoyed that I stared towards their direction. Initially they did not notice me. Then a friend of that youth noticed me and alerted him. Again he remarked loudly, "Whenever someone stares at me, I will stare him back!" He was laughing when he said those words.

That was the last straw for me. I stood up, went to him and gave him a piece of my mind. I basically told him he should be thankful that someone has kindly given her seat up for his friend. I also told him to keep all the comments to himself. As I wanted him to feel how the lady would have felt should she have heard his remarks, I told him off that by talking big, it does not show how tough he is but his ignorance and arrogance.

That youth kept quiet but his friend tried to speak up for him. I told that friend I was not referring to him and he kept quiet after that.

I was trying to exercise self-control when I heard those comments made. I even prayed for that youth but when he went overboard, I felt that I needed to rebuke him.

I have seen a lot of these situations and I felt that youths of today have become very insensitive and arrogant as if the whole world owes them something. I am also very troubled by the colourful words which they have been using and sad to say, this is happening in the youths of the churches as well.

I want to blog this to remind myself and all who are reading this to be grateful when kindness is shown to us. The other thing is to mind one's language especially for those of us who are Christians. You cannot use the same tongue for praising God and also mouthing expletives. It may be the norm today but let us not be conformed to the patterns of the world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

It takes courage for one to live his life the way Christ wants him to. To follow the ways of the world does not speak much of oneself except of his timidity and cowardice. If we call ourselves Christians, then let us live like one and courageously!

"Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves." Proverbs 11:17

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." James 3:9-10

Making My Calling And Election Sure

This is my first blog for 2011. It is already Day 4 of the new year, of the new decade. I just finished spending time with God and today I read a passage from 2 Peter 1:3-11. It is basically to challenge the readers to make their calling and election sure - to know who they are!

Do I know who I am? If it is a textbook answer - yes! I am a child of God! Am I living as a child of God? That is where I falter and this is where I want to also improve on.

My walk with the Lord has not been superbly great as I have been struggling with a bit of burning out especially from the home front and also in my service as a chairperson in the Missions Committee.

It is tough dealing with matters at home especially lately. Grandma has been throwing her tantrums and having her mood swings. When she is affected, it gets on to my mum and then my dad and then my brother and of course, Andy Chew! It is tiring physically, emotionally and mentally. It does not help that sometimes the three old folks do not appreciate what my brother and I are trying to do for them.

As for ministry in church, whatever that is happening at home is taking a toll on what I am doing in church. This is not an excuse but a fact. I am sometimes so tired that I have no other strength to deal with the matters pertaining to the ministry I have been put in charge of.

Already at this start of the year, I have to look into a few matters which are urgent and I am praying the Lord will help me through this.

I guess so far in the few journal entries I have made in this blogspot, the attention has always been home, church and me but never on God. I guess by knowing that I am a child of God that I need to turn my attention to Him who is the source of power which I need for life and godliness.

I need to get my act right and I am starting by communing with my Lord and Saviour on a daily basis. Prayerfully from there, I will add to my faith goodness, and to goodness knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love!

I pray by practicing this attributes, they will keep me from being ineffective and unproductive in the knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ.

Well, praise the Lord for this timely reminder.

There will be great adventures ahead. I pray that when it reaches the last day of 2011 that I have nothing else to say except to praise God for helping me grow deeper in Him, by loving the people around me, and of course by sharing His love to those who have yet to know Him, if they so choose to.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. There, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:3-11

A Mysterious 2011 Ahead

I am supposed to be at the Watchnight Service as I would usually do on the eve of the new year. This year I have decided to do something different - I'm staying home to do some reflection and to rest.

It may sound boring but on the contrary, I am actually enjoying this quiet time with the Lord - away from the crowd, from all the counting down, from shaking hands with people around and wishing them "Happy New Year!", from staying up late with friends, etc.

The above-mentioned are not wrong - just something I want to break away from, at least for once in my life. :)

A new year dawning. Another year and decade have passed! Sometimes I feel I am trying to catch up with time because it is just flying by so fast. One thing I have decided to do in 2011 is to slow down and spare a thought for myself.

This does not mean I do not care about others - it is just that I need to consider my well-being. The whole of 2010 has been about my parents who had their stroke in the early part of the year, grandma who has been giving the family a lot of inconvenience due to her dementia, and also the ministries I am serving in church - I was planning to release one of my responsibilities but had to stay on for another year because there was no one to fill the empty position.

Yes, all of the above-mentioned are important in my life and I love them all but I need to watch out for myself too. I have to remind myself that I am a human though I am a Christian.

I also need to remind myself that though I am concerned for my parents, grandma and the ministries in church, ultimately it is God who will heal and protect, lead and guide! I simply need to just trust. This year I have been trying to handle all these areas with my own strength.

The other area has got to do with what I want to do next as in my career. I resigned this year from teaching thinking that I could go into full-time ministry - one consideration was to be a missionary. This had to be shelved because of the health issues of the three old folks at home.

I am not disappointed that I could not go ahead with my plan but it is more as to where I should go from here. I cannot remain unemployed for a prolonged period.

One lesson from this is that God has His timing. I guess I just need to let Him make all things beautiful in His time and not mine.

It is going to be an exciting but mysterious 2011 but I shall go through it anyway with Christ above every area of my life. I am also not going to run ahead of Him.

Time to stop here for now! A God-Blessed New Year, everyone!!! :)

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

Know the GIFT this Christmas!

This may sound weird but I almost could not remember my user name and password to this blogspot. Well, this shows how long I have been absent from blogging and my apologies to those who have faithfully been reading my entries.

As much as I do not want this to happen but the past few months have not been well for me: I have been overwhelmed by the numerous situations which are happening at home - mainly having to deal with grandma who is suffering from dementia and also ensuring that my parents' health are in check; having to deal with the pressing matters concerning the ministries I am serving in church - mainly the missions ministry; I have also been down several times in terms of my health - always catching a cold, etc.

I am not saying that I am any better now. In fact it has reached a stage a few weeks back where I had to ask a few co-workers to pray for me as I was burning out. I just feel very choked up by almost everyone and everything crying out for attention.

Well, the thing about my current situation is that not many people know I am struggling with burning out. As much as I can I do not want to show it for the main reason that I just do not wish to burden others. I know that is wrong hence that day when I had to ask a few people to pray for the current status I am in.

Anyway, I am blogging today because it is the eve of Christmas. It has not been a particular good day for me - just had to deal with grandma who has been calling some relatives up to say that she wants to die and that every one in the family is going against her, etc; before that I had to go back to Vivocity to exchange the 25 photo-frames which I bought in the afternoon as the size was wrong; I was also feeling frustrated during shopping as I do not know what gifts to get for some siblings-in-Christ.

Two questions suddenly popped in my mind - is that what commemorating Christmas is about? What really is the meaning of Christmas?

The simple answer to the second question is this - it is about the birth of the Christ-child. With that leads to the answer of the first question - to commemorate Christmas is simply be still and know that He is God. Not the hustle and bustle that the world has made Christmas to be.

Some might say, "Oh, that would make Christmas so boring and dull." It may be true in the worldly sense but Christmas is about Christ being sent to earth so that He can eventually bring redemption to man's sin by His death on the cross!

If that does not set in my heart and mind, then I have lost the meaning of Christmas. That is probably the reason why I have been so frustrated today! That is also probably the reason why I am in my current burnt-out state because I have lost the whole crux of my relationship with God and also the purpose of my service to Him and His people.

If I am serving simply because I need to get the work over and done with then that is not service at all. I need to treat everything I do as a form of worship to God so that His name will be proclaimed - that the Body of Christ be edified and that those who have yet to know Christ will know Him by the way I live my life and the attitude I have in serving Him and His people.

This fundamental aspect of my walk needs to be there - I have lost it, I confess, but I am trusting God to bring that back so that I can begin to surrender 100% of my life to Him again. When that happens, I can live in peace and leave the worries of my family and ministries completely to my God Almighty.

Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in my heart. How about yours?

Let us pray that we will hold on to this as we celebrate Jesus' birthday - giving of gifts is secondary; knowing the GIFT is primary!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

God Will Make A Way

Before I write on further, I have a confession to make. Just now while at the peak of trying to deal with a conflict between my parents and grandma, I wish they would all die sooner than later. Sorry that you have to read this but it was really my desire then as that would probably solve all of their old-age problems.

Grandma, who is suffering from dementia, has been accusing every one at home for stealing her things when in actual fact, she has been misplacing her things all over her room. Just now, she blamed mum for taking her things and instead of understanding grandma's psychological condition, mum bore a grudge against her.

Initially I kept my cool but when both parties started ding-donging at each other without trying to find a solution to the situation, I had to say my piece.

I basically told them that having grievances against each other will not ever solve a problem. I told mum that she knowing full well that grandma was merely forgetful should not make matters worse by trying to defend herself by shouting back at her. Instead do the most sensible thing by helping her locate the missing items.

I volunteered to do so as I was very confident the items could be found and in a matter of fifteen minutes ravaging through grandma's stuff, I found a stack of money and her jeweleries. I showed them to every one and told them that things can be solved peacefully if pride is not in the way.

Dad just had a fall. Sigh. While solving the conflicts between mum and grandma, I forgot to lay the hose of the washing machine to the toilet while doing laundry. Water was all over the kitchen. Dad slipped while entering it. He said he is okay except for a slight sore on his left hip area. I am praying he will be alright. I shall monitor his condition tomorrow.

I am just so stressed up with things at home. Sometimes I wonder why such situations must happen in my family though I know I am not the only one in the world who is facing struggles. Every one is.

I basically need to surrender every one at home and all the burdens I have to God because He is the only One who can "make a way when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way. He will make a way." I shall take comfort in the lyrics of this song, "God Will Make A Way."

I shall stop now and spend some time being still before the Lord: seeking His forgiveness for the confession I made in the first paragraph; surrendering my troubles to Him.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Excuse Me, Are You A Christian?

It has been a long and tiring day for me but fruitful though.

This morning it was raining very heavily and I needed to be in church early to set up the booth for the "Each One Give One" Bible Donation Drive. This is part of the church's effort to bless others what God has blessed us with as we prepare for the church's anniversary celebration. I planned to arrive at church by 8.15am and I left my home at 7.30am hoping to catch a cab.

Twenty minutes later there was no sign of any taxis. Usually I would get frustrated but instead of reacting that way, I prayed. I asked God to give me two cabs - one for me and the other for this elderly lady who was carrying a toddler. After that I carried on waiting.

Suddenly a white car stopped right in front of me and in it I saw this couple and two children waving at me. I looked again and I realised it was this family from my church. They asked whether I was heading for church and after acknowledging that, I got a lift from them.

It was amazing as this couple usually do not come by my estate but because of the rain they had to drop their son off in school for an archery lesson.

Well, I asked God for a cab and He gave me a private car driven by my fellow siblings-in-Christ. All praise and thanks to Him! I hope the elderly lady and the toddler did not have to wait too long for a taxi.

Today is the last day of the Bible donation drive. Five weeks ago, the Missions Committee I am chairing hoped to raise at least 1,000 Bibles for the Khmer-Christians who are not able to afford a Bible as it is too expensive. Then the Assistant Pastor challenged the Committee to raise 5,400 Bibles instead since it is the church's 54th Anniversary. When I was given that figure I was not too optimistic but went on with the drive.

Five weeks now, the Lord has shown the Committee and I how great He is! The church as a whole raised a total of 5,796 Bibles with another 600 more coming from another group of siblings-in-Christ who have yet to send in the cheque. That will then give us a grand total of 6,396 Bibles!!!

Wow! God is indeed good and His love endures forever!!!

After the drive, I needed to conduct a missions training session for the Youth Ministry's Mission Team. I was sharing with them the history of missions in the Methodist Church and in our local church.

I remembered sharing with my younger siblings-in-Christ the need for us to be missionaries wherever God placed us in - home, school, work, anywhere basically. I told them it is not enough to call ourselves Christians... we should also live it out so that others can see Christ in us and they will be drawn to His saving grace.

Well, one incident in the evening when I was having desserts with some closed friends put that point I mentioned above to the test.

We were in Swensen's and we decided to order the Giant Earthquake where it consisted of 8 scoops of ice-creams. We gave this waitress who attended to us the 8 flavours. When she repeated our orders she got some flavours wrong. So we repeated the whole list again and when she read out the order, it was wrong again.

That was when some of us, including myself got a little impatient. I decided to write for her all the flavours we wanted. After that she went to have them prepared.

Then came the Giant Earthquake and immediately when it was placed on the table we noticed that some flavours were not right. One of my friends went to see the manager and verified the order with her.

Obviously the waitress was affected when she saw what was going on. My friend came back and he told the rest of us that the lady who attended to us was actually intellectually handicapped as explained to him by the manager. She was employed as part of this programme to help them integrate better in society and also to earn a living for themselves. When I heard that, I felt really sad that I had reacted negatively to the whole situation.

We could also see the lady sobbing when she was clearing some plates. That made me feel really lousy. If I had been more conscious of my behaviour and my role as a Christian then I would have shown more grace. What happened if the complaint we made could have cost the waitress her job and the ability to support her family?

Anyway, I felt led to write the waitress a note on behalf of the group basically to encourage her. I asked the manager to pass the slip of paper to her on our behalf.

What a rebuke it was! Well, a good wake-up call basically for me.

May God have mercy on me.

I shall stop here. A lot to reflect this week.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31

Love Is The Solution

Today is one of those mornings when I was anticipating a great day ahead but it turned out to be totally the opposite. Sigh.

When I left my bed for the kitchen, mum told me that grandma is throwing her tantrums again and that the latter is accusing the former for not giving her her monthly allowance again. As usual when such incidents happened, one would rake up the past and then all the grudges would surface again. It could have been resolved easily if one gives way but for my family's case, it was not to be. One must win the other to be satisfied.

I tried to find out from grandma what happened but she kept quiet. I decided to leave her alone as it was no point forcing her to say anything. I advised her to keep her cool and reminded her that all these while, she has been receiving her allowances as they are all in this little box which I gave her so that she knows where she keeps her money.

The situation was made worse when my brother intervened. He started raising his voice at every one. I do not blame him for being angry when he witnesses such incidents because this has been going on for as long as we were born into the family. He and I are very fed-up with this constant bickering.

Anyway, this led to both of us losing our cool and we ended up quarreling with each other.

I am not ashamed to share that out of the five of us in the family, four are Christians. My brother is not. As much as it is perceived that Christians should be able to handle the above situation with a cool head, sometimes it is not to be because Christians are humans too.

As humans, we are all fallen nature hence this is still happening in my family. I am not using this as an excuse but what I want to share next is my prayer for the family (including myself) and it is something I trust that God will teach my family and I - to learn to love as He loves; to forgive as He forgives; and to surrender the past hurts and let God heal us in the present. Unless this can be practised, the problem will persist. Unless we love one another as God loves us, we still do not know God fully. I have to admit it is tough for me to practice even but I will keep pressing on.

I am now in church as I needed to get out of the house to catch a breather. I had wanted to stay home initially to spend time with my family but in this current situation, giving each other space to breathe is a better option.

Though the above-mentioned has dampened my day, I pray that I will remain focused and carry on with what I need to do for today. God be my help.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." 1 John 4:7-21

Great Commission Christians

Since Tuesday I have been sniffing and blowing my nose till it feels like dropping off again... well, I used "again" because I have been down three times in a span of one month and that is no joke. I do not know why my immune system is so low lately. I am praying this will be the last time I fall sick as in the months ahead I have a lot of things to deal with.

Anyway, praise the Lord for the rest I had though I have a couple of things to handle the past few days and awaiting a busy weekend ahead.

Though it would be hectic, I am looking forward to them all - tomorrow I have to attend the Worship Team rehearsal as I am playing the drums after taking a break for a real long time. I have decided to commit to this once a month; Saturday morning I have to prepare for the NDP rehearsal; then I will excuse myself in the afternoon to head for church to attend the "A Day of Prayer for Missions" organised by the Missions Committee on a quarterly basis; after that it is back to The Padang for the National Education Show.

Sunday morning it would be the continuation for the "Each One Give One" Bible Donation Drive (two more weeks!) where the Missions Committee is encouraging the church to donate Khmer Bibles to the Khmer-Christians who cannot afford to buy one as their monthly income are just so low. This is part of the Church's Anniversary Celebration where we want to bless others what God has blest us with especially in paying up all the debts for the Redevelopment Project. It is also part of the Missions Committee's objective in discipling this "unreached people group" we have adopted.

Next will be playing the drums at the 11.15am service and in the afternoon I have to facilitate the missions training for the Youth Ministry's Mission Team who will be going to Cambodia in December.

Well, typing the above three paragraphs is already breathless for me but I am trusting God who is my strength to pull me through them all. I know I am going to enjoy every moment of the events listed. :)

Oh yah, this Sunday is Missions Emphasis Sunday. On Tuesday I was in church compiling, printing and collating the Missions Ministry's Prayer Booklets - all 650 of them. One church staff asked me whether it was worth the effort doing all these. I understood the angle she was coming from as we all know not all will even flip through the first page of the booklet and many will leave them on the pews and chairs after the services but I told my dear sister-in-Christ this - so long as one person flips through the pages and prays for the items listed, all thanks and praise to God because those needs are covered and will be answered in the name of Jesus!!! That is worth all the effort!!! :)

It is just so important for Christians to intercede for the work of missions overseas and locally especially for those who have answered God's call to be missionaries in a land where they are totally new to. I wonder how many Christians back here in Singapore would understand the struggles and loneliness these servants of God are and how much they need to be covered in prayers.

Well, not all may be in the mission fields overseas but every one can play a part for missions at least in doing one thing - going down on our knees and cry for the mercy and grace of God to be upon the missionaries and the many lives still lost. Who knows? That may just be a spark to encourage more to go and make disciples of all nations and cause millions of hearts to turn to God and to be politically correct, without being forced to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour but out from their own free will!

Missions is also right at our door-steps especially in Singapore where there are so many foreign workers employed in all sectors of the economy. If every one (Christian) can reach one, many will go back to their own homelands and share the love of Christ to their loved ones and countrymen.

It is not an easy task but the God I worship is an Almighty God and He can do things which are impossible. All we need is to avail ourselves and He will do the rest. :)

Okie, I have said enough. Time for me to go blow my nose AGAIN and then rest!!!

Have a great weekend ahead!!! ;)

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18