Bless, Blessed and Blessing!

I had a wonderful morning spent with two very old friends... not in terms of the length of our friendship but their age. There used to be 7 of them but 5 have passed on over the years. One is 89 and the other is 82 years of age.

I decided to pay them a visit after I was reminded by a dear friend yesterday about how our lives are so much blessed, compared to many around us. The last time I met the two elderly aunties was during the Lunar New Year celebration where I usually cook a special meal for them.

I brought the two of them to a nearby coffee shop opposite the Subordinate Courts. We had a simple breakfast of some Chinese peanut and red bean pancakes plus hot drinks. One was surprised to meet me when she was walking around Sheng Siong supermarket with her trolley collecting cardboards and cans.

I was very happy when the two beautiful individuals were eager to know how I have been. Haha. I updated them how things are for me. When we were filling each other in about our lives, one thing which hit me was when one auntie mentioned that even though she is constantly experiencing the pain of arthritis and other ailments, she is still glad that she has food to eat, clothes to wear and medications to ease her pain. She also used the word, "Xing Fu", when she mentioned how a church and also a few generous individuals have been giving her the basic necessities to help her get on with life. That two Chinese words basically mean, "Blessed," if I am not wrong. Pardon me if it is not. Oh yah, the auntie also showed me the items she collected and said that as much as she has been receiving donations, she also believes in trying to earn her own living while she still can... she sells the cardboards and cans for a small sum of money.

The time spent was short because one of the aunties gets tired easily. Before we left, I passed each of them a box of essence of chicken and a few other items. One of them quickly opened the box and passed me a bottle. She asked me to drink it, knowing that lately I have not been feeling well. No words can describe how touched I felt. That simple act showed me how much she puts others before self. As much as I hesitated, I decided to drink it and she clapped and said that I am tired no more. Haha.

Indeed I am tired no more... not because of the essence of chicken but to see the joy on the faces of these two wonderful individuals! :)

One auntie carried on with her routine of collecting the cardboards and cans. I accompanied the other home so that she could have her sleep. When I was walking out of her flat, she advised me to keep swallowing rice so that I can get rid of the bone which is still stuck in my throat when I had fish for dinner yesterday.

Wow! Instead of blessing the aunties, I left feeling very blessed!!!

It is interesting how in a span of two days, I was reminded what it means to bless and how great it is to be blessed!

One other thing I learnt from the above-mentioned is this - when one knows the true meaning of being blessed, he or she also knows how to be thankful.

I am grateful to God for providing me a friend to remind me of how blessed I have been and two other friends whom I can bless them!

A great start to a new week. Praise the Lord! :)

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

God's Timing Is Always Perfect!

Just got home. While waiting for the laundry to be done, I thought I take the time to blog some thoughts which came as a revelation to me.

Yesterday morning I decided to spend some time at Botanic Gardens before seeing a specialist at Gleaneagles Hospital as my chest has been feeling weird lately. It is not the left side but the right. Last week I was supposed to see the doctor but while waiting, mum called to say that she was feeling weak. I had to cancel the medical appointment so that I could rush home to ensure that mum was ok. Thank God nothing serious happened to her.

The funny thing about reading God's Word at the Botanic Gardens was this - I simply could not grasp what it was trying to get at and I told God to reveal more to me as I went through the day.

Well, nothing went right throughout the whole of yesterday, at least that was what I initially concluded but now as I look back, God had a hand in everything.

I was advised by the doctor to go easy in the midst of all the stress I am facing at home and certain struggles I have been going through regarding my burdens for the people around me. I was prescribed some medications and there will be a review in two weeks' time.

As usual, I was questioning God why one thing after another seems to be happening in my life and of course these things are not pleasant ones. It affected my mood and in turn it affected the way I treat my family and friends whom I have been in contact with.

Then came evening when more of the plans made totally went haywire and initially I was quite affected and reacted quite negatively.

It was here I learnt something as I decided to just be still - if I am not perfect, I should not expect others to be one. And if we are all imperfect, why should we be disappointed with one another and hence hold a grudge against one another? Instead we should bear and help each other... that is how then we will all overcome the shortcomings in our lives.

I also thank God for the medications which were prescribed to me yesterday morning. I had to take one when my chest was a little uncomfortable and that helped.

Well, the verses I read were these - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." (Ecclessiastes 3:11)

Now I am able to see how God took care of everything in the midst of all the chaos. I am experiencing His peace in my heart now. Finally! I am also able to now give thanks in all circumstances, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

I guess that is all I want to share. It has been a long day but thanks be to God for it... looking forward to sleep after I hang up the laundry. :)

God is good and His love endures forever. :)

A Traumatic Off Day

I swapped my off-day on Monday for today and has taken leave on Friday. Tomorrow being a public holiday basically means that I will be enjoying a super-long weekend. It has not started well though.

This afternoon I went to visit a sister-in-Christ's office in Jalan Eunos area. It has been a while since I visited them as I have been busy with work and all. I also wanted to see a photography session that she was doing with another friend. We had lunch together.

While on our way back to the office, which is near the Singapore Post Building, I noticed a man lying in the middle of the cross-junction. I saw his fallen motor-bike next to him. I knew it was an accident.

My instinct was to go and help him but for a moment, I hesitated because exactly a month ago, on 30 March 2014, I tried helping an injured cyclist but he did not pull through that accident. In my heart, I really could not bear to see another succumb to his injuries.

As much as I was struggling with that, I saw no one helping the man. I just gathered up the courage and went ahead.

I did not expect the accident to be a serious one but when I approached the injured Malay gentleman, I then realised the full extent of his injuries. I quickly shouted for the passers-by to call the ambulance as the man needed immediate medical help.

He basically sustained very deep cuts to his lips, tongue, nose and right eye-lid. I asked him to lay as still as possible and went on to check the other parts of his body for injuries. While doing that, he suddenly turned his head to the left and that was when his right eye-ball got slightly dislodged from the socket.

Immediately I had to immobilise him. I quickly knelt down and held his head in between my laps and used a thick stack of tissue papers provided by a passer-by to cover his injured eyes, basically to shield it from the intense afternoon sunlight. The man kept asking what would happen to his eye because he heard a comment made loudly by a passer-by on the severity of his injuries.

I had to keep assuring him that help is on the way and that he would be in good hands. He was in shock and was numbed to his injuries at that point of time. I whispered prayers of mercy on the gentleman and also asked God to quickly send the ambulance over.

It came not too long after and I let the medics take over. After they had immobilised the man with the proper equipment, I helped strapped him and carried him onto the stretcher-trolley with the help of a few passers-by.

I have yet to get an update on the injured man and I am still praying that God has mercy on him. May He save the man's eye and that he will recover fully. If you are reading this blog, please intercede with me for the SingPost dispatch rider.

I really do not know why I keep encountering one accident after another... so far most of them are really serious ones and I was unable to help much with their injuries. Just about 30 minutes ago, a friend of mine, who is a doctor, encouraged me to look at all these as opportunities to offer emotional and mental support to the injured because that is what they need while waiting for professional help to arrive. Well, as much as possible I do not want to encounter another mishap but if I do, I will take heed of my friend's encouragement and be there for the injured.

I guess if I were in their shoes, I would also want someone to be there for me.

I am tired and will try to sleep soon but before that I just want to share a painful lesson I was reminded of recently on relationship.

As it has not been a good month for me (as shared in my last blog), I have been quite emotional and just a few days ago while a dear friend tried to offer some advice, I kind of snapped at her. In doing so, I know it has strained our relationship and I am very troubled by it.

It takes many months and years to build a relationship but you only need one day of carelessness to strain or break a relationship. I have sought for forgiveness and I really hope for a reconciliation soon.

Let us cherish all the relationships we have with our family and friends. Let us also treat them with care. I hope this reminder for me has not come a little too late though.

That is all, I guess,

Good night.

What A Day, Week and Month!

It is Friday. I am supposed to shout, "T.G.I.F.!" (right?) but seriously I am not too sure whether I am able to thank God for that.

I think many expect a Christian like me to be able to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) but I am seriously struggling to do so... at least for the time being.

Why? Well, I am basically drained (physically, emotionally and mentally).

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WHAT A DAY!

Today is mum's 69th birthday. In the morning, I had it all planned out for the celebration. Then came around 9am when mum suddenly became lethargic and weak again (she felt the same way yesterday afternoon). She suggested that we postpone the lunch. I called the restaurant and cancelled the reservation.

I had to monitor her condition from then on. I even called the specialist who attended to mum during her hospitalisation and gave her all the readings for mum's blood pressure, glucose level and temperature. She basically advised that mum just rest and have small intakes of food throughout the day.

Around 2pm, mum's condition seemed to have improved and she suddenly suggested going out for lunch but now to a nearer restaurant. My brother and I felt that she was fit enough to go out and off we went to NEX. By the time we arrived at the restaurant it was already 3pm.

Everything went pretty well at the restaurant. All enjoyed the dishes we ordered. My nephew was a great entertainer and all had an enjoyable time.

After the lunch celebration, grandma wanted to walk around the mall and we acceded to her request. It was here something happened. Towards the end part of the shopping, while walking along a narrow part of the mall, this young woman, who simply could not wait for mum and my brother (who was holding mum's arm) to pass, just squeezed her way through. In doing so, it caused mum to trip and fall and the worse thing was that she fell almost on top of my nephew, who was walking in front of her.

My brother and I quickly picked mum up and my sister-in-law checked on my nephew. I was so angry that I shouted at the young lady and gave her a piece of my mind. The sad part was that she was not apologetic at all. Sigh.

Thank God both mum and my nephew were okay. The latter was basically in shock and had a slight bump on his forehead.

We headed home and continued to ensure that mum and my nephew were okay. So far so good.

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WHAT A WEEK!!

I had a great Easter Sunday - went to church to celebrate Jesus' resurrection; had an enjoyable time with a friend over lunch, movie and ice-cream; had a great evening with some Liverpudlians at my pastor's home to see the Reds beat Norwich City.

I headed home after that and it was here mum first told me that she felt nauseous. I gave her some medication and decided to monitor her condition. Slightly past midnight, she started to develop a temperature, vomited three times and her blood pressure was also on the rise. She became quite limped and it was here I decided to call the ambulance. While trying to have her sit up, I also notice some blood stains on the bedsheet.

The medics arrived - mum's temperature was past 39 degrees Celsius; her blood pressure was also very high and she was in a daze.

She was rushed to the Accident and Emergency Department of Tan Tock Seng Hospital. After several hours of tests and observation, mum had to be hospitalised.

By the time I headed home, I was already without sleep for more than 35 hours. I still could not sleep as I had to send out some memos regarding a meeting which I was supposed to chair on Tuesday. It was an important meeting which could not be postponed so I had to instruct a colleague to cover for me.

By the time I went to bed it was already almost 11pm.

Oh yah, did I mention that grandma was also down with stomach flu on the same day mum was hospitalised? Yup, there you go.

From Monday till now I have not been able to sleep properly. In the middle of the night, I would just wake up a couple of times to ensure that grandma and mum are fine. Every little sound would just jolt me out of my bed!

Mum was discharged on Wednesday after doctors could not find any hemorrhaging in her body after scopes were carried out.

The whole week I have not been able to go to office and it is supposed to be an important and busy one for me. Whatever time and energy I could spare, I would work from home.

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WHAT A MONTH!!!

Last month during the OCBC Cycle 2014, I decided to help a cyclist who was involved in a serious accident during the initial part of the event. If you have read the newspapers about it, you would have been informed that the injured cyclist did not survive the mishap. He succumbed to his injuries two days later.

Throughout the time, while waiting for the ambulance to arrive, I was holding his hand, asking him to stay awake. I was praying that God would sustain him. He tried getting up a few times but I had to ask him to stay as still as possible because I did not know the full extent of his injuries.

When the ambulance finally came (which to me, felt like ages!), I was optimistic that he would pull through.

Then came two days later, I was informed that the cyclist had passed on.

I just felt really really sad. At one point I was asking God how come he did not answer the several prayers I made for this man. He was so young - just 24 years of age!

The next few days I had nightmares of the accident... the face of that young man kept appearing in my sleep. I would wake up, feeling very down.

I had to also assist in the investigation and that took a toll on me too. I could not reveal much of this, as it is still ongoing, but deep down I was disappointed and angry with a few parties.

I have more or less come to grip with the cyclist's death but I have to admit that now I have some fear of cycling. I am also concerned for those of my friends who are fellow cyclists.

So much for that. 

About two weeks ago, when I was on a recce trip for a cycling charity event, my right elbow suddenly snapped - so loud that some in the car I was in heard it.

After coming back from the trip, I had my elbow examined and it was diagnosed as a case of bursitis - the inflammation of the bursa. Twice I had to have some fluid build-up drained and twice I had to have steroid jabs. Even till now, I still experience some pain (though not as excruciating as I initially had it). If the pain still persists, I may have to go for an operation to remove the bursa.

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Well, that is the account for the current season of my life.

As much as I am feeling pretty negative about life lately, I am thankful for some friends who have stood by me.

One friend touched me deeply when he decided to drop by the Accident and Emergency Department to pass me some food and drinks when he realised I did not have my breakfast and lunch. His workplace was in the west but he took the effort and went out of his way to ensure that I was adequately fed.

There are also friends who have been praying for mum, grandma and me. Some even made a point to message me a couple of times a day to ask how things are for us.

I am also thankful for some of the me-times I have been having. I basically needed to go away to somewhere quiet just so that I could reflect and re-group my thoughts. If not, I would have gone mad literally!

The time spent with God - reading his Word, reading Christian literature, being quiet and praying -  really helped.

How long more do I have to go through this? Well, I am not sure. It has been four years or so already that either dad or mum or grandma would give my brother and I a scare almost every quarterly. It is sad that dad has passed on during one of these scares.

I just pray God will sustain me as I continue to carry out my duties as a son and grandson to my mum and grandma respectively.

Being a human, sometimes (like now) I will fall into self-pity, anger, disappointment, frustration, etc but life still have to go on.

Just realised I have not blogged for more than a year already. Wow!

Anyway, below are few passages from the Bible or Christian literature which have spoken to me lately...

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

"The great thing about faith in God is that it keeps a man undisturbed in the midst of disturbance." --- Oswald Chambers

"Negative thoughts and emotions can overwhelm you and rob you of perspective. If you don't shut them down, self-destruction can seem like the only escape because you can't see another way out. A great many people have fleeting thoughts of suicide or self-harm. What will save your life in these situations is to shift your perspective from yourself to those you love, from the pain of right now to the greater possibilities of the future." --- Nick Vujicic

Being in God's Presence

Today I feel like Brother Lawrence, a 17th Century French monk, who worshipped God in the kitchen where he worked most of the time. It was in that place of the monastery where he simply praised, prayed and pondered.

I am unable to attend church because grandma still needs help during her bath time and I also wanted to take the load off mum and the helper so that they can find some rest themselves.

Since I cannot worship God in church, I decided to do so at home while doing all the chores. I have to say it was a very refreshing way of being in the presence of my Lord and Saviour.

While bathing grandma, I prayed for her that the healing of the Lord will be upon her thigh-bone and also her hips. I also asked Him to cool grandma down in terms of her foul mood, just like the water running down from her head to her feet... that He will refresh my grandma, physically, mentally and emotionally.

While I was vacuuming the floor, I was reminded of the filth in my life and I took the time to seek God's forgiveness for the sins I have committed throughout the week. I also surrendered the concerns I have for my family and other loved ones in my life to Him. It felt good - knowing that these individuals, who mean so much to me, are now in His care.

While waiting for the washing machine to finish its wash, I took my guitar and sang a couple of songs. I also took the time to read His Word and after that, remained in silence to allow God to speak through the passage I read.

Did He speak to me? Yup! He did. During this period where my life revolves around grandma, I am assured that my help comes from the Lord and He will never let my foot slip. Though I have to balance between caring for grandma and work (which I kind of neglected last week), I find peace that I will be able to cope with both.

There are a couple of deadlines to meet for my work this week and with so little time left to complete the tasks, I cannot waste my energy simply by worrying because that will not help in any way. I will simply just do them and even if I have to work late in the night, I know the strength of the Lord will be upon me to see me through them all.

The presence of the Lord is everywhere because He is omnipresent and we can worship Him everywhere we are - at home, in the office or school, etc. Practice being in the presence of God and you will have a whole new perspective towards what you are doing at the point of time or with the struggles you have at that point of your life.

That is the reason why Brother Lawrence was always joyful and because He was always in tune with God, he knew what are the important areas of his life that he needed to focus on and did not allow every cares of his life to overwhelm him.

Well, praise the Lord for today. :)

  

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip — he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121

New Family Member

That is my nephew! The boy whom dad fondly spoke about before he passed away suddenly on 17 December 2012. We lost a very dear family member then but 47 days later, a new member has been added to the Chew family. His name is not confirmed yet.

As an uncle, it was a mixed feeling for me. I am of course very happy when I heard about the delivery but at the same time, I was also sad because I can picture how dad would be there to carry the baby with a big smile on his face.

I spent some time with God in the evening at Gardens by the Bay. I thanked Him for blessing my brother and sister-in-law with this handsome boy. I also prayed that God will guide them as they nurture this child in the ways (good ones, that is) which my parents brought the both of us up. Of course they are not perfect and there were some methods which might not have been appropriate but these can be lessons for my brother to learn and not commit the same mistakes as they did.

I also prayed for mum and grandma as I know they too will have mixed feelings and probably be thinking of dad during this period of celebration.

Well, I know dad is happy for us too where he is now. Even though he may not be with us physically, knowing that he will be celebrating with us is good enough. :)

God has been good to the family since dad's passing and may He continue to bless and keep every one of us as we continue with our lives.

Thanks be to God for this day. Truly He is good and His love endures forever! :)

Enjoying The Simple Things In Life

Today for me is basically to enjoy the simple things in life.

I went to another church to worship God. It was a refreshing time and it is one thing I have decided to do once a month from next year onwards.

After service, I went to a park to spend some time in reflection. 2012 is coming to an end and I thought it would be appropriate for me to just look back and thank God for everything that had happened - both the pleasant and unpleasant adventures. I am still reflecting and I will write in detail either on the last day of this year (which I just realised is tomorrow) or the first day of the new year.

Dad came to mind constantly. I miss him dearly. It is almost two weeks since he passed away but every time I come home, it feels as if he is still there, in his room. Then I would picture him coming out with his walking stick to ask whether I have eaten.

A couple of times in the morning, I would jump out of bed, thinking that I needed to tube-feed dad. And when I went out to the living room, it then occurred to me that he has gone to be with the Lord. All the apparatus for his tube-feeding are still on the table. There are still four cartons of milk left unopened. It would have been enough to last him till his medical review which was to be on 3 January 2013.

Anyway, I am sure dad is having a great time in heaven, celebrating Jesus' birthday on Christmas Day, singing with the other angels and dancing (which he liked to do when he was younger) and of course the feasting - I hope he will eat as much as he can because here on earth, he was only fed with milk in his last days.

Well, the consolation whenever I think of dad is that I will reunite with him again when my time here on earth is up. Death as much as it is painful is also worth celebrating because it takes us away from this world of suffering to a place of eternal joy. Frankly I am looking forward to it because there were many whom I knew and cherished who are there now... cannot wait to catch up with them. :)

Below is a poem I wrote while reflecting on the above-mentioned...

Death, oh death, as painful as it is,

does not take away a hope such as this -

that one day a reunion will happen

with those who are now in heaven.

While we await for that moment to arrive,

on earth a close communion with God we'll strive.

Family and friends we will learn to cherish

So that no regrets we'll carry when we perish.

Let us learn to live our lives simply

Because that is what matters eventually.

Dad's departure has taught me to enjoy the simple things in life and they are simply my family and friends. One can earn as much money as he can or sell his soul to a company but when his time is up, it is still family and friends who matters. :)

Well, praise God for the above reminder.

in the afternoon, I met a friend for lunch... someone whom I have not caught up much for a while. I enjoyed every moment with her at an Italian restaurant which has been a favourite place for me lately. After that it was off to my favourite cafe where we had tea and desserts. I am sure those who are close to me will know which these two places are. :)

Well, though we just ate and talked, that meant a whole world to me and I look forward to more of this with her in the near future. :)

As mum needed some groceries, my friend and I went to a supermarket next. For the rest of evening, I decided to spend it with mum and grandma. I cooked for them one of their favourite food - prawn noodles! All three of us had a sumptuous meal together. Dad was in our mind and there at the dining table I could feel his presence with us. Well, he will always be close to our hearts... no doubt about that!

What a great day I had! Praise God!!! :)

Precious Moments

It has been 4 days since dad left us. The wake is now into its third day. During this period, I spent a considerable amount of time next to dad's casket, thanking him for all that he had done for me the past 40 years, recalling the good and bad times we had, seeking his forgiveness for the hurts and disappointments I have caused him occasionally and also letting him know about the numerous friends who came to visit him during this period of bereavement.

I know it is a bit too late to say this but this period has been one of the rare moments when I actually spent so much time with him. The only regret is that I am doing it when he is actually already gone. I wish I could say all the above-mentioned to him when he was still alive.

My dad's passing has opened my eyes to one thing - make it count while it is still possible.

Many of us have been drowning ourselves with work and studies. A considerable number of us spent quite a fair bit of our free time on the computer, shopping, clubbing, etc. I am not saying all these are wrong but the reflection here is basically on how we can cut down on these and take some time to spend precious moments with our loved ones, especially those in our family.

Some may say that we are already spending time since we live under the same roof and seeing each other every day. I think the focus here is "quality time."

How many us actually tell our parents and/or children, "I love you." How many of us say "thank you" when our family members have done something for us? How many of us actually sit down with our parents and/or children to listen to their deepest thoughts and struggles? How many of us actually sought forgiveness when a hurt has been inflicted on another family member? How many of us actually pray for one another in the family or, to take a step further, to pray with one another?

Though dad is no more with the family, I still have mum and grandma living with me. I will from here on take time to be with them and simply to let them know that they mean a whole world to me.

Do not wait till it is too late.

That said, it has been a tiring period for me. I have not rested well since the youth camp which I attended. Though I managed to catch some sleep here and there, they were not really proper ones as my mind has been on active mode since dad's passing.

I am truly blest with the many friends who came to support me - simply spending time with me, praying for me and buying me cups and cups of coffee so that I can have the boost to keep me going. Haha. I am specially touched when I heard some youths and youth leaders actually volunteered their time to keep vigil at night so that my family and I can have sufficient sleep. God bless these precious individuals!

Well, two more days left. As the day draws nearer to the funeral, my heart gets sadder because I know for a fact that he will not be with us anymore physically. The comfort is that he is in a better place now.

I shall stop here. Another long day ahead but God will be my strength. :)

Good-Bye, Daddy

I just spent some time praying with mum before she goes to sleep. From tonight onwards, she will be sleeping alone. Dad passed away suddenly this morning at 8.30am in hospital.

It was sudden because no one expected the above-mentioned to happen. My brother and I received a call from the doctor, just past midnight, asking us to rush to the hospital. I knew something bad had happened to dad.

Just as we arrived at the ward, we saw dad being wheeled out quickly to the Neuro Intensive Care Unit. The doctor asked us to prepare for the worse because dad's heart stopped for 20 minutes but it came back on when they were about to give up. By this time, his condition was already very critical as his organs had failed due to the lack of oxygen in the body. He was given only a few hours to live.

My brother went back to fetch mum and grandma while I waited for my other relatives to arrive.

I managed to spend some time with dad alone. I apologised to him for having not visited him after the youth camp came to a close. I was basically very tired. At that point of time, I was updated that his condition had stabilised when the doctors treated him in the Accident and Emergency Department. I basically planned to visit him this morning. Well, it was not to be. Dad was already in a comatose when my brother and I arrived at the hospital.

I also took the opportunity to thank him for all the 40 years of showing love and care to me. I will always remember him as the father who would wake up every morning, without a complaint, to prepare the milk for me when I was toddler. And when I was in my teens, he would go out to buy food for me when I was hungry. Even after I became an adult, he would make sure that my meals are well taken care of by a simple reminder through a phone call or sms.

When I was young, every Saturday without fail, we would be out watching a movie (Star Wars was the most vivid one) or visit the Botanic Gardens (where we loved to take pictures by this huge clock) or go to Yaohan at Plaza Singapura (where I would buy my Lego and PlayMobil sets) or the zoo (where in one occasion I was flung off my feet when a horse used its head to whack me) or simply just spend time with me at home (watching football matches). 

My love for photography and Liverpool also came from dad's influences.

My first walkman and hi-fi system were also from him and I guess that was how I came to love music, especially singing.

He was also one father who would constantly forgive when I kept hurting and disappointing him, mum and grandma during my really rebellious years. When mum caned me, he would be there to be my shield. He would then apply ointment on the areas where the cane-marks were.

The person who taught me what giving is about also came from dad. He is one generous individual who would give without expecting anything in return and I thank God he has taught me this precious trait and I will definitely pass this gem on to those in the future generations.

Dad used to be the strongest and healthiest in the family. In his thirty over years in the American International Assurance company, he had never once took medical leave or visited the doctor. His physical being started deteriorating after he retired. He just could not stay at home and do nothing. He went even to the point of being a security guard at a school just so that he could do something useful. I remembered him telling me how he loved interacting with the students, teachers and parents.

Mum had a stroke a couple of years ago and dad, being the main caregiver, started feeling stressed out tending to her needs. He himself got a stroke and this led to many other complications.

Despite of his physical struggles, the family's welfare still came first in his mind and in his limited ability, he would still shower us love and care.

I am already missing him and below is a simple poem dedicated to this dear father of mine...

To my beloved father of 40 years,
Thank you for being such a dear.
From a babe to who I am today,
Thank you for showing me life's way.
Hurts and disappointments I've sometimes been,
Thank you for showing me what forgiveness means.
Sacrifices, big and small, you've made,
Thank you for letting the selfishness in me fades.
Good-bye, my daddy dearest,
In heaven we will meet soonest.

This is just a temporary departure, dad. Enjoy your first day in heaven... the street of gold must be a beautiful sight. See you again soon!

Victory!!!

The youth camp just commenced about 4 hours ago. Praise God everything has gone pretty well. Of course there were some minor hiccups here and there but that is common. Mistakes allow us to learn and also not to take things so seriously that we become badly affected by them. I am glad that the Committee Members and the Tribe Leaders are taking the challenges in their stride and giving their best to cheer the campers on and making them feel as comfortable as possible.

This year's camp's theme is "VICTORY" and I am glad we have this as our focus. It is planned not because the campers are losers or defeated individuals. In fact, victory has already been given to us when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man.

The next four days are basically for these young lives to claim God's victory in their lives and hold on to the identity that they have been given as sons and daughters of the Almighty One. It is my prayer that at the end of this event, these youths will be transformed forever and journey their lives with a Kingdom-focus.

Thank God that I was able to rest well last night after the Camp Committee and Tribe Leaders completed their preparations. The couch I was sleeping on was comfortable and when I woke up at 5.30 this morning, I was all ready to enjoy the four-day camp with my siblings-in-Christ and the friends they would be bringing. :)

I am seated somewhere in town waiting for the first tribe to arrive to obtain their clue for the Amazing Race. Sipping my coffee and with a book in my hand is such a luxury. Being away from home for the next few days is good for me, I guess. Thank God for my brother who has taken over my duty to feed my dad and to take care of the concerns of the household. I shall trust that God will protect everyone at home. Looking forward already to meeting my family on Sunday when everything is over..

Okie, I shall end here. One tribe will probably be here soon.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

The Gift of Friendship

Finally home after being out the whole day. Majority of the time was spent in church with the Youth Camp Committee as we did our final planning and preparations for the biggest-ever camp we are organising. Praise the Lord!

I am very excited about the camp. Since I am in-between jobs and having to be home most of the time to take care of dad, I spent a lot of time praying towards this event, God has impressed upon my heart that this generation of youths will be ones who will step up and stand out from those in the previous generations. No more about their lives being caught up with the pressures of studies and the strife to do well. No more about being drowned by the lures and patterns of this world.

Instead these young lives will learn to put God first and honour Him in every area of their lives. When they are able to get these fundamentals right, everything they do is no more about what the world tells them to or pursue but letting God lead them all the way. No more leading the defeated lifestyle but one of victory! This will be a TRANSFORMED generation!

Well, though  I have been quite exhausted having to take care of dad and also doing all the housework the past two weeks, I just feel so refreshed when I think about the camp! Even though I will be the oldest in the camp, I go not with the attitude that I know more than the campers but basically have the sole desire to know God deeper. Even where I am now at 40 years of age, there are still areas where I need to be victorious over and I look forward to what God is going to teach me from 13 to 16 December 2012. :)

That said, now to the main objective of this blog...

The past two weeks since dad's discharge, I truly want to give thanks for providing me with friends to support me and also offer help in various ways.

As the milk for tube-feeding is not cheap, a dear brother-in-Christ managed to source them for me at a discounted price. I was even more ministered to by him when I realised on the day he delivered the 8 cartons of milk that he was feeling unwell. He chose to collect the orders first before going to the clinic.

Prior to the above-mentioned, another sister-in-Christ also managed to find another source where I can purchase the milk at a discounted price but it did not come through as the order needed some time for it to be processed. Then I needed the milk urgently as those given by the hospital were running dry.

Then there were other friends who offered to help me do the tube-feeding should there be times when I am unable to. Some messaged to say that they will be praying for my family. Some even offered to fetch my dad to and from any medical appointments should a need arises.

I am truly overwhelmed and touched by all these acts of love and kindness! Praise the Lord for each one of these souls... going beyond their comfort zones and being there for me.

These two weeks I have learnt much from them about showing hospitality. That is why I told God I will want to do something for my friends as well. I basically devoted much of my free time, especially in-between my dad's feeding time, to pray for my friends and it has been such great joy!

I also used some occasions to cut and style friends' hair, a skill I acquired more than 10 years ago when a friend signed me up to go on a hairstyling course with her when I was recovering from my kidney injury. Praise God for many of them who trusted their lovely locks in my hands. They have allowed me to hone my skills and not put what I have learnt to waste. In fact this skill has allowed me to bless kids with cancer, where friends actually donated their hair (10 inches at least) so that wigs can be made for these children who lost their hair to chemotherapy. It is also wonderful to be able to go to an old folks' home to trim the patients' hair.

Well, I thought this period of care-giving to dad will be a boring one but God has proven me wrong. In the midst of the monotony of having to feed him every three hours, friends have been there for me. I am able to also bless them with what God has given me. Glory to Him for that! I also have the opportunities to catch up with lots of reading which have enriched my life and using the lessons learnt to encourage others. :)

Truly, friendship is one of the greatest gift one can have. God knows we cannot function on our own at times and that is where friends come in to help one another. This makes our life's journey much easier to trod. :) Friends also make me feel good simply by their acceptance of me for who I am.

Time for me to hang the laundry.

Good night, world! :)

"Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

¹⁰ 

If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

¹¹ 

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

¹² 

Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

--- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Hope in God

Not having blogged for a while, this feels a little weird but I will try to get over it and share a couple of thoughts.

My life for the past two weeks or so have been revolving around my father - every three hours, beginning from 6.00am, I will have to feed him. My domestic helper is away for a month to attend to her son's wedding. Having been away from her family for 5 years, I thought she deserves to have the time spent with her family especially during this special occasion, which only comes once in a person's life.

Though the tube-feeding can be monotonous at times, I have grown used to it except for the past three days or so - dad has been having a bout of diarrhoea. He soils himself each time he had to rush to the toilet. Whenever that happened, I would be the one having to clean him up.

I have to admit that it has been a humbling experience for me as I had to clean him up. I will spare you the details on how I did that and to what extent. Interestingly, this has allowed me to appreciate my parents and grandma especially the inconveniences they themselves had to go through when bringing me up.

Dad's mood was exceptionally bad throughout this day. I guess he is frustrated as to the helplessness he has been going through since he had his second stroke in July. I was also affected because dad's frustration caused mum to feel that way too and when I had to mediate at times, I was snubbed. There were moments when I was at my wit's end.

Both last night and tonight I had to leave the house to catch a breather and also to ensure my sanity is in check.

At Sentosa Boardwalk yesterday I read Psalm 42, two verses (vv. 6 and 11) spoke to me and they are of the same words...

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

    Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

    for I will yet praise him,

    my Savior and my God.

The verses were spot on. I was downcast and troubled. What hit me was the next few lines where they reminded me to put my hope in God and to praise Him in the midst of all these. Tough to praise God when one is going through a trying time but if he can do just that, it is a very uplighting experience because the whole perspective of the struggle shifts from self to God.

I have been a Christian for 27 years and God still needs to nudge me at times to do what is beneficial and the above-mentioned was truly timely.

At Changi Beach just now, I saw the beauty of the countless stars in the sky. One word came to mind when I was admiring the glittering spots up in the heavens - it was "Faithfulness." God's faithfulness, to be precise. It was assuring that though I am like one of the many millions of human beings created, He still takes care of my needs as an individual. With that, I just prayed and surrendered to Him the cares of this world.

There was another thought that troubled me but I will share that another day.

I hope dad will get well soon - both his diarrhoea and also the tube-feeding.

God will see everyone through... just need to press on for now.

Good night.

Eventful Period

Yesterday I spent a considerable amount of time praying in my room. Dad will be discharged on Friday. The hospital rejected my request to ward him for a longer period. My main reason for that is due to the fact that there may be complications related to his tube-feeding. I found out about this on Monday when I went for the Caregiver's Training session.

At one of the feeding sessions, I had to do a litmus test using some stomach contents which I needed to pump out from my dad. The nurse who was supervising also could not. She said it is important to have the litmus test to ascertain a possibility of infection.

Following that observation, I asked how often would such cases be especially when dad needs to be fed six times. The nurse said it could be as often as once daily. When this happens at home, dad would have to be sent to either a General Practitioner ("GP") or Polyclinic or to the Accident and Emergency ('A&E") Department so as to have his stomach checked.

When my brother and I heard that, it worried us more as we really cannot afford the time to always send him to one of the above-mentioned due to our work and all. If it is going to be so regular, then it would be better off that he stays in hospital till the tube-feeding is weaned off.

Anyway, as mentioned, the request was rejected and now we will just have to accept the fact that dad may be going in and out of the house often to have his stomach checked should there be regular cases of infection.

Yesterday when I was considering all the adjustments which need to be made at home for all, I felt very overwhelmed because my work has been affected badly and I seriously do not know how situation will be when dad is back home. As much as I would love him to be discharged, I am frankly not looking forward to it because of the above complications which may happen.

I surrendered to the Lord all my burdens and concerns because I am at my wit's end. Only He can help me and everyone else at home. Above all, I pray there will be no cases of infection. I also prayed for God to help me bear with these current inconveniences. I also concluded that during this period, the focus is not about me but dad. I will just have to go through this period with joy and walk with dad through this period of recovery.

So much for that. I have not been training as often as I should for the Charity Bike 'n' Blade 2012 which is just one month from now. I simply cannot because of dad's condition. Even at times when I could, I was just simply exhausted.

That said, I did push myself to cycle longer distances twice last week, covering more than 80km. Today, though I am feeling tired and also having to get some work done in office, I will have to get over the inertia and just ride and hopefully to cover above 100km.

As of now, I am only short of $621 before hitting my target of $30,000 that I am raising for the event. But the overall target of $350,000 set by the organising committee is still short of $80,700. Since I still have 30 days or so left, I will try to raise as much as possible.

It has been a tiring process to get the funds in but I have been very encouraged by all my family and friends who have donated. I have never imagined being able to raise the current amount. Truly, glory to God for helping me and I know He will continue to help me as I press on.

I need to work my schedules so that I can put in more training sessions even though I have to handle matters at home. It seems impossible but I shall pray that God will help me manage my time better.

The past one and a half weeks, I have basically encountered incident after incident involving individuals needing medical care. I was at home two Saturdays ago when I heard a loud crash. At the cross junction near my apartment block was an accident involving two cars and a motorcycle. As I am trained in first-aid, I rushed down to help. Thank God out of the six victims, only one was seriously affected with neck and possibly spinal injury. I had to immobilise the lady while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. The rest had superficial injuries.

Then last Wednesday when I was cycling past a school in the east, I noticed a lady-driver vomiting in her car. She was slouched on the driver's seat and her daughter was trying to help her. I was informed that the lady is an ex-stroke patient. As I was not going to take any chances, I wanted to call the ambulance but not long after, the lady's husband came and told me that he would be sending her to the National University Hospital where her medical records are.

Two days ago when I was in Chinatown looking for dad's milk formula, I came across a young man suffering from cerebral palsy. He was shaking violently on his wheelchair and fell onto the gound. I carried and placed him back onto the chair but he fell again. I decided to call the police to come and assist me but another passer-by had earlier called for an ambulance. Soon both came. After checking that the young man was okay and having obtained his address, we all accompanied him home. It was later that I was informed by a neighbour that the man was upset that his parents had recently abandoned him and he is now in the foster care of his aunty.

All of the above have reminded me of how frail life can be and how one should help another so that the road to recovery will be much easier to trod. Hence, these have motivated me to keep doing what I can for the two beneficiaries: St. Luke's Hospital and Eldercare, which the Charity Bike 'n' Blade 2012 is trying to bless.

Okay, I shall stop here. A long account especially when I have not blogged for so long.

God is still good even though I am in a situation which I have no desire to be in. He will see all of us through and dad will be healed in the name of Jesus! :)

Pressing On

Last evening after I left the hospital, I was very tired but I did not feel like going home. In the end, I headed for Sentosa Boardwalk to just spend some time with God and also to do some reading. The weather was unusually very cool as the skies were overcast. It really made the whole atmosphere more conducive to just chill after a whole day of talking with doctors and nurses and encouraging dad to persevere even though he is in pain.

I started to reminisce those times when I was still very young when dad brought me to so many movies at the old Lido, Odeon and Capitol cinemas. I also missed those times we spent together shopping at Yaohan and playing in the open fields of the Botanic Gardens.

I also remembered moments when dad would shield me whenever mum caned me. She was the disciplinarian. I still have the first Sony Walkman which he got for me because I love listening to music.

Then over the years we drifted. The reason is mainly I have my commitments and schedules and hardly had the time to spend with him. We had our quarrels and disagreements too.

As I was reflecting on the above-mentioned, all I conclude is that good times need not only be reminisced. It can still happen now and also the future; it is just how we want to make it to be.

I told the Lord that things are changing in my family. My grandma and parents are all getting very old. Instead of giving excuses that there is a generation gap, I will want to spend quality time with them before it is too late. Basically to enjoy each other's company.

I left the hospital a while ago after ensuring that dad is okay. As he was feeling sleepy, I thought I let him rest. A nurse on duty informed me that dad pulled out the tube which was inserted into his nose cavity this morning. As he needs to be fed through the tube, they had to re-insert it even though it is uncomfortable for dad. I had to spend some time with him to explain the whole purpose and the challenge to him is that he tries his best to endure the pain but only for a short while. I told him if he can do that, he will get well sooner and after that he can again eat and drink normally through the mouth.

I prayed with dad for a while and hope this will allow him to be aware of God's presence in and around him. I also trust that God's peace be upon dad and this will then calm him down and rest much.

I did not sleep well last night as I was thinking of a lot of things - not just matters concerning dad but also my relationship with some individuals. For some we have drifted and I am praying that things will improve over time. It is my desire that I do not take relationship for granted but to cherish those whom God has given me the honour to know as friends.

Well, just some thoughts for this period. I am trying to find time to cycle this week. I need to remind myself that life needs to go on as normal as possible. Tough but it has to.

Okay, I shall stop here.

Only God Can Heal

Yesterday has been a traumatic day for all in my family especially my brother and I as we had to be at the Accident and Emergency Department of Tan Tock Seng Hospital twice.

Dad fainted at the bus-stop while he was on his way to church. Two strangers called for the ambulance and he was rushed to the hospital. I was informed about this when I was in church and I had to rush to the A&E. My brother came shortly after.

After checking his psycho-motor skills and running some blood tests, he was given the green light to go home when the results did not reveal anything serious. I was a bit skeptical about the discharge as I suspected dad was having a stroke as his speech was a bit slurred and he was still weak in terms of his mobility. I reminded the doctor that my dad is a ex-stroke patient and I even asked twice whether he was sure that dad could be discharged. When he assured me, I took his word for it and we all headed home.

Things got worst when dad came home. He fell three times within a span of two hours. My brother and I also noticed that his mouth was not normal. He simply could not walk anymore. That was when we decided that he needed to go back to the A&E.

This time a M.R.I. was carried out. After all the tests were done and the results released, it was confirmed that dad has a stroke and needed to be warded.

This was when all the frustrations surfaced. We were instructed to go up to the ward to obtain detailed information about dad's condition from the neurologist on duty. We did just that.

When we were in the ward, we asked the nurse on duty whether there was a need for us to stay back to wait for the doctor's update or should we just go home and obtain the update today. We were told to stay back.

The Medical Officer came. Five times he was aware of our presence: once when he entered the ward; once when he took dad's medical file, twice when he took some tissue papers to blow his nose and once when he was talking to one of the nurses.

Then came another doctor who is the Registrar. When he came in, he asked the M.O. whether he had eaten. The M.O. said no. Then together they examined dad's medical file. After 45 minutes, they stood up and left. I could hear one of them said, "Let's go for dinner."

My brother and I were surprised by that and asked the nurse on duty what was going on. As she was unsure, she called one of the doctors and after making the enquiry, she updated us that they had to attend to an emergency.

Having already overheard that they were going for dinner, I told the nurse that was a blatant lie. The nurse was stumped because I told her, as a matter of fact, that they were not attending to an emergency but was on the way to have their dinner. She quickly apologised. We expressed our disappointment to her though it is not her fault.

I understand totally that doctors are humans and they too need to eat but do not lie especially when they knew my brother and I were there and yet did not spare a minute or two to update us.

She advised us to go home. Before we left, we requested that a doctor call us in the morning to update us but no one called. It was only when I was in the hospital and having to request for a doctor to speak to me that I was updated that there were three issues pertaining to dad's condition: one was hemorrhaging of the brain on both sides; a blood clot on the right; and a chest infection.

The tricky part is that the hemorrhaging and blood clot cannot be treated together. Hence aspirin cannot be given to thin the blood to remove the clot as this may worsen the hemorrhaging. But this would also mean that more clots may be formed. Both will affect dad's stroke. Doctor is taking a one-step-at-a-time approach and see how. The next one week will be crucial. Another CT scan will be done next week to see whether his condition does improve.

I am basically quite tired from this episode and I think it is also for my brother. On top of having to handle dad's hospitalisation, we also need to ensure that mum and grandma are okay too.

Looking on the bright side, I am able to see God's hand in all these. He provided two strangers at the bus-stop to catch dad when he fainted and then they called the ambulance. Next was how my brother and I detected the anomaly of dad's mouth which made us decide to send him back to the A&E. This decision was later affirmed by the neurologist who told me that if dad had not been admitted earlier, he may even fall into a coma.

As much as I did ask God, "Why this again?!", I also know He will be the only One who can heal dad. I am also glad my church is also praying for him. I was especially touched to know that the congregations from both services yesterday interceded for dad.

A big "Thank You" to those who have been praying. I still covet more of your prayers.

Okay, time to stop.