The Pilgrim's Progress

It's The End That Counts!

2012-01-30T20:43:00.002+08:00

This morning I brought grandma to the hospital for her medical review. As much as I was concerned that her hip may not be healing well due to the fall she had last Sunday, I prayed and asked the Lord to prepare my heart.

An x-ray was taken when we arrived. After a short wait, the result was out and we met the specialist for the review. Based on the x-ray, grandma's hip is healing well and she is on the road to full recovery, provided that everyone takes all the precautionary measures required.

The doctor, however, advised me to up the physio-therapy sessions which grandma is to do at home. He feels that this will speed up the recovery process and also to strengthen her muscles.

It is a relief to know grandma is well. Again I can attribute all these to answered prayers! :)

I am supposed to help a dear sister-in-Christ today at her office. Last night it only occurred to me that grandma's review is today and I had no choice but to send her my apologies.

After sending grandma home, I headed to Vivocity. Another bookstore, Page One, is closing down and all books are going at 50% off. Stationeries are at 30% discount. I bought a couple of books - mainly for work purposes.

I was not planning to watch a movie but since I was near a theatre, I decided to catch a locally-produced movie entitled, "We Not Naughty!" Well, it was entertaining but to me, the storyline was a little predictable and occasionally messy. The one thing that caught my attention was right at the end when there was this phrase, "It's The End That Counts."

I do not know why it was included but as I pondered on this, it reveals to me something about life. You know, in our living years, we pursue our dreams. We get caught up in the rat race. We experience good or bad relationships with our family and friends. We may or may not take God seriously in our lives. Sad to say, many times He is non-existent is what we say and do... sometimes to the point of going against His will.

One thing I realised as I thought of the phrase mentioned above is this - everything we do till the day we breathe our last must prepare us for THE END and beyond because that is what counts.

We can earn as much money as we want but we cannot bring them with us when we leave this earth. We can compete with others in reaching the top but at the end, we still come crumbling down when we are on our death-bed. We can choose to go against God by disobeying Him or sometimes to the point of denying that there is a God but when we die, we have to stand before Him to account our lives.

I know what I have shared so far sounds scary or morbid but the "now" determines the "then." What is it going to be for you and me?

Well, something for us to ponder. It hit me and I will always keep this phrase in mind! :)

Just packed for work tomorrow. I will try to sleep earlier tonight. :)

The Great I AM Defines Who I Am

2012-01-29T22:01:00.004+08:00

Before I start blogging proper, here's wishing everyone a very happy birthday. Accordingly to the Chinese tradition, the seventh day of the Lunar New Year is supposedly everyone's birthday! :)

How time has quickly flown by and my one week of break is going to be over soon. Well, praise God for the celebration I had with family and friends. Praise God for taking care of grandma! She has been home for one week. Though she gave us a scare by a fall on the second day of her discharge, praise the Lord that she is protected from another serious injury. In fact, the past two days, she seemed to be walking faster than before. She is also able to pull herself out of bed without the assistance of mum or me. The pain which she initially complained about after the fall is almost non-existent too. Hallelujah!

All these I can only attribute to one thing - answered prayers! Amen? :)

Though I am supposed to take the past week of public holidays and leave to rest, I did not really have the chance to. I was busy cooking for my relatives and visitors who came over. I had to wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night to accompany grandma to the toilet. I had to clean up her room or the living room occasionally when she leaked while walking to the loo. I had to make sure mum and dad had ample rest because when I am not in, either running errands or going for appointments, they will be the alternative care-givers.

Well, no matter what, God has seen me through the above-mentioned and to me, that is enough. So long as what I am doing is for the good of grandma and my parents, I am contented. I just want them to be happy and well. :)

I learn today that what I do here on earth does not define who I am but it is what God has done on the cross that defines me.

In this world, many times we think we are who we are by what we do. That includes failures or mistakes one experiences or commits respectively. If one fails in something, one is branded a useless or good-for-nothing. When one commits a crime, say taking someone's life, one is branded as a murderer. But do you know when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of man, He did it because He sees everyone of us as precious souls worthy to die for?

We are not condemned but redeemed.

If we can just grasp this, there is no need for us to win the favour or recognition of men. There is no need for us to toil so hard in school or at work or at home for people to accept us. If we know our identity in God, there is no fear of making mistakes or failing in some stages of our lives because we know we are not judged by all these but instead, God is always there to run with us till we are back on track again. We are basically never walking alone. God will be there from the start of the race and He will be there with us to the very end too! :)

A revelation also came to mind when I was pondering on the above thoughts. If I know who I am in Christ, I will also know His heart and knowing is not enough, I will follow after His very heartbeat. This means I know what I need to do with my life. I will be clear in what are the things to pursue after. I will basically live my life based on what is necessary to see me through my days on earth. There is no point pursuing what one cannot bring along with him when he leaves this earth. If we can practice this, I think life on earth would be much happier and easier to trod.

From this lesson learnt, I am challenged to weed out those areas which are sucking me dry unnecessarily and basically feed on what is vital to keep me heavenward. :)

I also had a chance to spend some time with a dear friend in cycling last Wednesday, watching a movie on Friday and having meals together. I always praise God for moments like these with friends and I look forward to more of this in the near future.

Well, this week onwards will mark the start of the curriculum-planning where research, brain-storming and probably meetings with relevant authorities or universities or agencies go into full-swing. I am looking forward to them because I have a great team which God provided me with. As much as a lot are expected of us, I am not going to be bothered by that but basically to give my best in every area of this project which has been entrusted to me. :)

I guess that is all. I am bringing grandma for her medical review tomorrow. It is my prayer that she is recovering well. :)

Good night, all! Have a blessed and great week of adventure ahead! :)

Tough But Perservering!

2012-01-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

Two days of public holidays to celebrate the Lunar New Year are almost coming to a close. It has been an eventful period for me. In fact it started on the eve, a day after grandma was discharged from the hospital.

Well, just before the commencement of the reunion dinner, grandma had a fall in her room. As I was busy cooking and the rest of my family members entertaining our relatives, grandma was left alone for a while. But that short time proved to be disastrous. I think she kind of knew that her great-grandson has just arrived and she was probably eager to see him. Without asking for assistance, she tried standing on her own and I guess that was how she fell. It was my cousin who found her on the floor.

Since then she complains of pain occasionally - first it was the back center (which was yesterday); this morning she mentioned her surgical area was painful.

I wanted to bring her to the hospital in the morning. I called one of the staff for advice but we were asked to come tomorrow instead as the specialists are not available due to the holidays. I shall monitor grandma's condition today and see how. So far she has been fine and I hope it remains so. If all goes well, I will probably wait till 30 January when grandma is due for her review.

Since grandma's homecoming, I have not been able to sleep properly. About two to three times at night, she would press the buzzer and I would have to wake up to accompany her to the toilet. I am not complaining but just concerned as to why she is relieving herself so often. Mum asked me to put the adult diapers on her but I objected to it as I do not want grandma to be too dependent on that.

Anyway, it is a matter of adapting to grandma's condition and I guess everyone at home will get used to it soon.

Initially I thought I was unable to join some friends for our annual Lunar New Year lunch as I was all set to admit grandma into the hospital but since it was not to be, I decided to catch a breather and go for the feasting and fellowship.

It has always been a great joy being in the company of good friends - some whom I have known for 28 years since we were in Primary 6. Praise God for them all.

We had a good meal at Springleaf Teochew Porridge Restaurant situated along Upper Thomson Road. We broke our tradition of eating dim sum but no regrets as the food was good! After that, we had good coffee at The Yahava Koffee joint just a couple of streets away. The coffee and cakes were great! We were even treated to a coffee appreciation session by one of the barristers. :)

After the get-together, I headed for NEX to buy some groceries. Headed home and rested since.

Well, I am glad I am on leave for the remaining part of the week. Looking forward to it. :)

Grandma Is Home!!!

2012-01-21T23:19:00.003+08:00

Just finished preparing the broth needed for the steamboat reunion dinner tomorrow. I am also done with the laundry. It has been a long day but praise the Lord for seeing me through it.

In the morning I wanted to go for a ride on my bike but calculating the time needed, I decided against it. The reason is due to grandma's discharge from the hospital. Praise the Lord!!!

My brother and I went to fetch her home. I could see the smile on her face when she donned on her own clothes and ditched the hospital garb which she has been wearing since 8 December 2011. Yup, one month and 13 days in total!

Anyway, from the ward to the car-park, she was on her new wheelchair. When we arrived at our block, she alighted and insisted on using the walking frame. Walked she did and climbed she succeeded! Yup, she climbed the four flights of stairs by holding on to the railings with one hand and the other on my brother's arm. She was tired when she reached the third level but I was so proud of her! :)

As always, our dear Miss Sasha ran out to greet grandma and she did that a couple of times, galloping in and out of the house.

Well, that marks the whole saga which started on the last month of last year... now on the first month of the new year, grandma is recovering well and she will be healed completely sooner than later! God has answered the prayers of those who interceded for her throughout this period. I am especially thankful to my church members, who are on the PrayerNet, and always keeping grandma in prayer daily! :)

Till now, everything has been going well except for one incident where grandma leaked when she was walking to the toilet but the other visitations to the loo were fine!

I bought this wireless twin-receiver door-bell for grandma to call my parents or me when she needs assistance. Well, it has been so effective that I even got scolded for taking my time to her room when she buzzed for us this evening. Maybe I should just turn the buzzer off and pretend I did not hear anything. Hee hee. :)

Grandma's appetite was great too! I cooked her favourite dishes to be eaten with porridge and boy oh boy, she ate like she has not eaten for months! :) Anyway, I am glad she is eating well. Praise the Lord!

Other than taking care of grandma, I also prepared the ingredients for the reunion dinner and even had the chance to clean the windows!

I rested for a short while before leaving for Marine Parade to collect some foodstuff from a dear friend. I also needed to pass her some things. After that we shopped for a while at NTUC and we bought Mandarin oranges and a bottle of milk.

Well, it has been an eventful day but a good one! Praise the Lord! :)

Time for me to catch some sleep! Tomorrow another long day but looking forward to it! :)

Good night, all!

Praise God For Life!

2012-01-20T07:08:00.004+08:00

I am blogging my thoughts in the train now. I managed to find a seat and thought I just write since I have not done so for a while.

First of all, I want to thank God for the ability to wake up this morning to breathe in the fresh air and also to look at the sunrise. These are things which we sometimes take for granted. I am reminding myself about this because yesterday my friend and I almost met with an accident when a taxi suddenly swerved into our lane.

Though my friend was annoyed and the taxi driver seemed unapologetic, what matters is that a serious accident was averted and we are still able to experience life.

I felt bad about the whole incident because if I had not accepted my friend's offer to give me a lift home, the above-mentioned would have been avoided and perhaps her evening would have ended in a happier note.

Anyway, though the day did not end the way I hoped it to be, I learnt a couple of lessons here and will cherish them in my heart and apply them in future.

I met my godsister's cousin for breakfast at Vivocity and at the same time collect some orders I made for the Chinese New Year celebration. It was a great time spent with him as we talked about my work, his school, our passion for cycling and other topics of interest. Praise God for this dear buddy. Though it was just an hour spent chatting and eating at McDonalds, it was an enjoyable one. :)

Towards the later part of the afternoon, I brewed something for grandma, my parents and also a friend. I hope they all like it because I did not get to see them drink it. :)

The evening was spent with my friend having a Peranakan dinner. We had Babi Pongteh, Assam Pedas and also Chap Chye at Joo Chiat area. After that we went to do some grocery-shopping. I also bought a vacuum cleaner as the old one is falling apart.

I woke up with a heavy heart and I will keep it as that. When I reach campus later, I will take some time to pray about it.

Have a blessed day, everyone!

Re-Solutions

2012-01-15T20:56:00.005+08:00

This morning I was feeling a little sad over a matter which once in a while affects me because I was reminiscing some happy memories. I know I should be happy since they are happy memories but when I compare then and now, things have changed and that is the sad part for me.

I know things will never remain the same but I cannot understand why it has to change so drastically. I am being vague here and I will keep it as that.

Sometimes I wonder some of the things I deliberately choose not to do are the right choices but I still feel that they have to be done for the sake of a situation or a person. I have never wanted it that way but sometimes I am forced to make decisions against my comfort zone and I pray they are doing good for a particular circumstance or individual.

Anyway, I think that is part and parcel of one's life journey where sometimes there are thorns which will be part of one's adventures. Of course I am also praying that things will improve over time and that is one thing I will keep on praying.

This morning I was reminded that I must always remain in Jesus, who is the vine. In my life there are many branches and there will always be some which are not bearing fruits. I must learn to allow Him to cut off these branches so that I can grow and develop to be the individual God has always wanted me to be. Many times I allow bad branches to hinder my growth in Him and other areas of my life and this should not be so.

Well, this leads me to the word "resolution" which is always part of one's agenda when entering into a new year. For me, I have learnt to see the word in a different light this year. I see "resolution" as "re-solution." This may just apply only in my life so please do not quote me when I define this word based on what I have experienced so far in my 40 years that I have been on earth.

I think there are many things in my life which I know I need to do but I do not do or not doing enough. Hence they hinder my growth and in the development of my character. Knowing what I need to do is already a solution but what happens when I do not use this solution. Well, the obvious thing to do is to try again and to me I would see this constant trying as "re-solution." because "re" basically means "again." It can also mean that one has been doing it but it needs to be an on-going action hence every year, the resolution is the same.

Do not be discouraged if you have not been keeping up with your resolutions. It is not the end of the road if you have failed... keep trying and that is where you will grow! It is only when you give up that you stop growing. And when making resolutions, consider those which will help you grow in character and in your outlook in life because these are ones which will last forever and beneficial to you!

In the past one year or so, there is only one thing I see as the MOST important thing that I need to keep doing and that is growing in my walk with God constantly. If ever I need to make resolutions, this is it! One and only because if my walk with God is right and growing, I know basically what I need to do with my life - in the areas of my relationships with my family and friends; in my life's goals; in understanding what money is to me; in seeing what I own as not mine; in being thankful in all circumstances be it good or bad; etc.

Well, I hope I make sense in my sharing above. Haha. :)

Anyway, it feels good that I need not work tomorrow because Mondays are my free days since I opted for a four-day work-week! It is not meant for me to wild them away but to use these off days to basically rest in the Lord, to spend time with my family and not forgetting my friends too. :)

Have a blessed week, everyone! :)

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15:1-8

Friday the 13th Is Just Another Day

2012-01-13T21:23:00.003+08:00

Friday the 13th - a day many people are afraid of. A day when many would prefer not to take risk and play it safe. A day when every one is extra careful when crossing roads, switching on electrical appliances, etc.

This fear instilled upon humans are all man-made. Simply because 13 is considered an unlucky number due to it being irregular in numerology and Friday being considered inauspicious (e.g. Black Friday being associated with stock market crashes and even to the point of Jesus being crucified on a Friday) should not become a bondage upon any individual.

Every day there are deaths, suicides, divorces, accidents, earthquakes, etc. One should not think that Friday the 13th has a higher probability of all these misfortunes or calamities.

Today there are two misfortunes befalling upon two groups of friends - two dear siblings-in-Christ met with a vehicular accident but both are spared from serious injuries and another two dear siblings-in-Christ had to deal with a missing maid only to find out today that she has committed suicide.

When I posted the above-mentioned online, some messaged to inform me that it is due to Friday the 13th.

As much as it might seem coincidental, I reminded myself that fear is not of my God whom I worship, for fear is of this world. Even if fear is to grip me, I will pray and trust that my God will protect me and I will continue on with life. My God is greater than anyone and anything and I will at all times focus my eyes on Him than on all these folklore and superstitions.

So much for that. No point writing on such nonsensical matter.

This morning, my team had to give a presentation on the curriculum planning which we have been tasked to do for this semester. As much as we were anxious, we gave our best and thanks be to God, our proposal has been accepted. We were given the green light to carry on with our plans and I am already looking forward to them! Work will begin proper after the Lunar New Year celebration. For now, I have asked my team to concentrate on the celebration for now and be ready for our task ahead after the festive period.

Well, unlucky day? Nope, it was a happy and blessed day for my team and I! In fact, I praise God for blessing me with such enthusiastic team members even though we have worked together for only a week. All of them worked so hard this week. No one even complained about having to rush the presentation. We just wanted to do it once and do it well and it went that way. Hallelujah! :)

After the debrief I left campus to head for the hospital to meet the doctor and therapist. I was supposed to do so yesterday but it was postponed. I was updated on grandma's condition. Though I was informed that she has been a bit naughty lately by not wanting to do all the exercises required, her overall recovery progress is positive. There might just be a possibility that she will be home by next week. Well, that is good news! :)

I had to run some errands after that - to settle the medical bills for grandma's admission and surgery when she was in Tan Tock Seng Hospital for 22 days; had to go to the bank to settle some matters; then to an electrical fair in Suntec to check out some appliances which I need to buy for the apartment I rented in campus.

I also went to buy some new year goodies for my family in anticipation of the festive celebration which is just one week away.

As much as I am tired, I am glad I managed to complete all the To-Do list for the day. :)

Once again, unlucky day? Nah! This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it! :)

Every Day Is A Blessing In Itself!

2012-01-12T08:18:00.003+08:00

I am still feeling a little sleepy but I am thankful I am able to feel this way. Funny as it sounds but after yesterday's near-death accident while cycling, being able to wake up this morning to breathe in the fresh air and experience the sunrise is good enough for me.

It is the worst experience by far for me since I started cycling.

I was riding with a dear friend along the Changi Coastal Road. Nearing the midway mark, I decided to switch to the lower bar but while doing that, I suddenly lost control of the bike and started to swerve right which is to the outer lanes and towards the other side of the road where the oncoming traffic is.

I was all set to fall and praying that there would be no cars behind or in front of me. As I was anticipating that, I did not know how I was able to grab hold of one of the brakes and slowly stir myself from falling though the bike was wobbling badly. Till now, I do not know how I did that but I want to attribute it to the grace and mercy of God.

My friend did not see the incident as she was in front of me. When I regained my composure, I basically cycled back to the other side of the road and caught up with her.

This morning when I woke up and just lazed on bed, I reflected on yesterday's incident. The headwind last night was bad so I do not know whether that is one of the contributing factors. Frankly I am also not use to using the lower bar and that probably is the main cause of it all.

Anyway, I guess God knows that I should not get injured due to the three old folks whom I need to take care of but this incident has woken me up to the probable dangers which I need to be more aware the next time I cycle.

Have a blessed day everyone... every day is a blessing in itself - cherish it. :)

Ministry Work Is Everywhere And Anywhere!

2012-01-09T23:09:00.003+08:00

I know I should be sleeping because tomorrow is my first day at work but I want to share something which I know it is not by chance but through God's divine appointment.

After dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ in 112 Katong Mall, I wanted to take a cab home but having noted that the peak-hour surcharge now stretches to 12am, I decided to take the bus and then a train home.

Having alighted at my estate's train station, I walked in the tunnel to my apartment block. Towards the end I met this elderly lady (whom I spoke to quite some time ago) who stays just one block next to mine. I asked her why she was not taking the escalator. She told me she lost her Senior Citizen's Concession Pass and she was advised to go to Hougang Interchange tomorrow.

She asked me for directions to the above location. As she does not know which train station to alight, I advised her to take bus service 147 and just alight when it reaches the interchange and that would be where she can apply for a replacement card. I am glad that is a better option for her and she will do just that tomorrow.

I remembered her telling me before that she is attending a church so I asked how the experience has been for her. She said she is enjoying it. I think she could not remember that I told her before that I am a Christian so she asked me whether I am one. Immediately after I told her I am, she asked me to pray for her there and then for her giddiness and also arthritis. I felt awkward initially as we are in a public area but I know I should not reject her request.

I directed her to one corner outside the MRT station so that I could intercede for her. Just when I was about to tell her I could only pray for her in English, she asked whether I could do so in Mandarin. Man, that was when I panicked! Andy Chew praying in Mandarin?!!! Aiyoh!

Anyway, as I really wanted her to be blest and assured that God is going to heal her, I told her I would. We bowed our heads and there was a five-second silence. It was not that I was thinking of what to pray but I was actually crying out to God to help me speak in the language as requested.

The first word was like the first step I would take as I leap off a bridge in a bungee-jump but to my surprise, words after words just poured forth! After I ended with an "Amen!", I quickly asked the elderly lady whether she understood my prayer. She said she did. I wanted to be sure so I asked her what I prayed and she shared with me the contents.

My jaw dropped but I quickly fixed it back. I really praise God that He allowed me to speak a language which I am weak in but at that point it was powerful enough to minister to a person who wants to be healed by God. All glory to Him!

Well, all I hope now is that the lady is well! It is not my prayer that healed her. It is her faith in God which did! :)

The above encounter reminded me that ministry to others is everywhere and anywhere. It is not just confined in a church. :)

The Story About An Old Man

2012-01-08T22:06:00.004+08:00

Let me tell you a story...

There is this old man who was happy that his family is celebrating his 80th birthday with a grand dinner! Prior to the big event, he was telling everyone about it. He was so proud of his family members.

Then came the BIG day. At the restaurant, every one shook the hand of the man, wished him a very happy birthday and gave him huge red packets with loads of money in them.

But that was all! Around the dinner table, everyone was talking to each other except to the elderly man. They did not want to listen to his life-story. His children were talking about the latest business ventures or stocks and his grandchildren were either playing amongst themselves or being glued to games on the iPhone, iPad or other gaming devices.

Throughout the feasting, the old man was alone even though there were many around him.

The above is basically an analogy of how we sometimes treat God when we go to church. The church is a place where God's children come together as a body to worship Him. He is supposed to be the main SUBJECT but sad to say, many a times, He is cast aside like the old man in the above story because other subjects became more attractive.

Christians sometimes go to church to meet up with friends to talk about everything and anything except God... about business opportunities, family holidays, gossips, shopping, etc.

If that is the case, then why go to church? Why not a country club? Or restaurants? Or a public area?

I basically have one thing to say... I am guilty! Guilty of treating church like a social club and not treating this place with reverence and with the awareness that God's presence is real in the church I attend.

I am glad I went to church this morning after having cycled about 70km from Potong Pasir to West Coast to Chinatown and back to Potong Pasir again. I was actually quite tempted to just stay home and chill but I felt that I needed to be in church to worship God with my spiritual family.

If I had chosen to skip church, I would not have heard about the above story. If I had not heard about the story, I would have sometimes gone to church for the wrong reasons.

Now, whenever I go to church, be on Sundays or any other days, I will tell myself I am going to a sacred place where it is all about God and no one else. It does not mean though that it gives me the excuse to skip church if I know my motive for that day is wrong. It should be a reflection just before leaving home to right a wrong. :)

How desperate am I for God? I sure hope I am more desperate for Him compared to other persons or areas in my life! He must and will always come first. It is a struggle and even if I have to make right this thought daily, I would gladly just do it! :)

Well, a very good reminder for me today! Praise the Lord!!!

I am nursing a strained lower left back! Whenever I walk too fast, it will hurt. If I sit down and apply too much pressure to my left, the back becomes very sore. I think I hurt it when I hit a pothole while cycling this morning to cheer three cycling kakis in their drive to raise funds for a care centre. Praise God for protecting the three of them and all those who were cycling with them in support of their noble effort!

I am glad a dear friend gave me a bottle of salonpas spray not too long ago for another injury. Now it has come in handy again. She advised that if it is still not well that I should apply Chinese oilment or medicinal plasters. As much as I dislike the smell of these two remedies, I may just consider them if the back still hurts bad. :)

Okie, I think it is time that I sleep.

Oh yah! I am starting work officially on Tuesday!!! *cheers* Back to teaching! My first - my one and only passion! I do not know what to expect but that is where the fun and thrill is! Well, a new journey with a new adventure and get paid to go through it some more! Looking forward to it as I did when I started in 1998! :)

I pray I will be a shining light in the place God has given me. May I be a testimony to all whom I will be in contact with! Tough at times when I am put to a test, I guess it is better to struggle with this than to be numbed to it!

Good night, world! Have a God-blessed week ahead!

Ta ta! :)

A Complaining Spirit Is Always About Self

2012-01-04T12:41:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up with no plans to do housework but looking at the state of my home, I decided to do so. My initial plan was to just laze around, watch a movie or two from this iPad application a dear friend downloaded for me, before visiting grandma.

Anyway, I started sweeping the floor. It did not help that strong wind was gushing into the house through the windows in the living room. Dust were flying everywhere. I had to close all of them before I could carry on. Then my dog started running around and kicking the pile of dirt I swept to the middle.

After that, I decided to mop the floor. Again my dog was in my way. She was walking around the house leaving paw-prints on the floor as it was damp. Dad came back from breakfast and stepped on the floor... leaving footprints now.

The complaining spirit within me began to manifest itself - grumbling as in why do I always have to be the one doing the housework, etc.?

It did not help that I realised the bedsheets have not been changed for a week and I told mum why is it that they have to wait for me to change them when they could have done it themselves?

Just before I started blogging the above thoughts, I sat down to catch a breather. It was here that I realised I should not have reacted the way I did and not said those words to mum.

From this episode, I was rebuked about how selfish I have been. This complaining attitude I had has nothing to do with others. It was all about me. I complained because I felt it was unfair that I needed to do all the work. I grumbled because I was telling myself I could have done this and that instead of sweeping and mopping the floor, changing the bedsheets and also doing the laundry. I told my mum off because in being so engrossed with myself, I have forgotten the feelings of others.

Well, a few things to note the next time I do housework: one is to do them with a happy attitude. If I think I will not be able to do so for that day, then leave the housework to another day when I am more prepared; two is to do it for others joyfully and with a heart of a servant; three, that all these housework will come to pass if I can just concentrate on the doing than the complaining.

Okay, just some thoughts that I want to share while waiting for the laundry to be done.

The washing machine just beeped. Time to hang the laundry! After that, off to see granny in hospital. :)

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Just Focus On The ONE!

2011-12-30T13:33:00.005+08:00

I just finished all the paperwork for grandma's transfer to the Tan Tock Seng-Ren Ci hospital. She is there now for her rehabilitation programme which will probably take a month or so. Intensive physio-therapy sessions will also be carried out. I pray all these will aid grandma in the recovery process and that she will be able to walk again in no time! :)

I am spending some time now in the Coffee Bean outlet located at Millennia Walk. I decided to take some moment to be on my own and reflect on the year which has been tumultus but thanks be to God for pulling me through it.

Just the other day when I was feeling super-stretched having to take care of grandma and mum's hospitalisation and dealing with dad who is not taking responsibility in consuming his medication regularly, I told the Lord what a lousy year it has been.

That was my conclusion initially. It cannot be good when all these unpleasant events were experienced throughout the course of this year - at the beginning of 2011 I decided to take a break from work so as to pursue my desire to serve in the mission field but with my parents' ill-health and grandma's dementia, I had to shelf the idea.

Then came the stomach ulcers which I had to battle with. They were so painful that sometimes I could not even do or eat anything. They became so bad that I had to undergo a surgery to have a nerve removed and the ulcers patched up.

I had to also deal with issues involving my relationships with two individuals - one of them being very dear to me. It sometimes made me wonder whether it is worth it at all to invest so much of my time and effort in their lives when what I get in return is misunderstandings. Instead of fostering a closer bond, now a rift has formed and I do not know whether it would ever be mended. I am still praying daily that it would but that is all I can do for now. I have done whatever I could but situations remain as they are. One thing I learnt is this - as much as I love and care for these individuals, I realised at the end of the day, it is their lives and they are free to choose how to live them though I have sounded off my concerns. I have also learnt to be more tactful in sharing my burdens for them.

All these took a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. With the advice of some friends, I decided to go on a personal retreat to The Netherlands and that was a refreshing one for me - being away from the cares of this world and just spent time with God and on my own. I am grateful to two dear siblings-in-Christ's hospitality when I was there and also for their counsel.

Just when I thought the worse is over, it was not. Grandma was hospitalised when I was in the United Kingdom. She was admitted after having fainted at home. She was discharged a few days later after being nursed back to health. The reason for her fainting spell was related to her dementia where sometimes she forgot to eat. This led to her feeling weak and also having a Vitamin B12 deficiency which affected her memory power.

I thought the month of December would be a quiet one for me to prepare myself to go back to my teaching profession but again it was not to be. On the first day of the mission trip to Cambodia, grandma complained of an excruciating pain on the hip. She was rushed to the hospital and the doctors found out that she had a hip fracture after a x-ray was done. She sustained it when she had a fall at the market. She did not inform anyone about it and I only noticed her limp on the day when I was about to fly off to Cambodia. That same night she was admitted.

To add to my stress and anxiety, three days later, my brother message to inform me that mum was also admitted. She was down with Urinal Tract Infection and her blood glucose level was very high. I was on the verge of cutting short the mission trip so as to go back to help my brother but he told me to concentrate on my work with the mission team.

When I arrived home, I realised no decision was taken regarding grandma's fracture and it has already been more than a week. What angered me was the part where my cousins were not in favour of an operation, citing the reason that it may not be cost-effective due to grandma's old age.

When is it that age should be the deciding factor as to whether one deserves an operation or for that matter to live or die? EVERYONE deserves the right to live a good quality of life regardless of age! I told everybody off and reminded them that she is our grandmother and a human who deserves all the right to have her fracture rectified.

The most baffling thing is that the specialist has even recommended surgery after observing that grandma is fit to undergo the procedure despite of her old age.

Then when the day of surgery came, it had to be postponed because of diaper rash and urine infection. This added to everyone's concerns and stress level. Last week it reached a peak where it affected the mood of every member at home. Mum and dad quarreled. It did not help that my brother heard about it and decided to handle the squabble. I had to rush home to be the mediator.

When everything had calmed down, I just retreated and went somewhere to cry out to God for His intervention in all the above-mentioned. I felt very frustrated not being able to help grandma, my parents and my brother. I told the Lord I was at my wit's end.

If I had just concentrated on all the negative events above, then of course, the year is truly a nightmare. Then came these past few days when I decided to focus on the good part of the year and there were many too.

First of all, I get to rest from work and the fact that I am not working, I am able to handle all that had happened at home. It would have been more exhausting if I had to work and at the same time take care of the matters concerning home.

Though I am unable to serve as a missionary, I was able to focus on the Missions Committee which I was still chairing in the first 9 months of the year. I was also able to serve in the Youth Ministry which is another area of ministry dear to me.

Being able to go for a surgery to rectify my stomach ulcers was also something good though I had to go through the initial painful process. Now that it is over, I am free from the pain and the chances of having a recurrence are low.

The trips to The Netherlands, United Kingdom and Cambodia were also very refreshing for me. I cherished every moment especially marveling at the wonderful creation of God in other parts of the world.

I am also grateful to God for allowing me to enjoy an alternative sport which is cycling. Because of past injuries, I am unable to run or play any contact sports but when I participated in the Charity Bike 'n' Blade as a photographer, I was introduced to the world of cycling. I also made a lot of new friends from the event.

A dear friend, whom I got to know from the cycling trip, and I decided to check out some racing bikes when we came back. Each of us bought a bike after having visited several shops and we have been cycling since. It is a sport I now enjoy thoroughly because it has helped me do some exercise and I have lost a considerable amount of weight since. :)

I also praise God for allowing me to know friends like the one I mentioned in the above paragraph. Though it has just been a few months, I am glad that we have got to know each other better through the cycling sessions and also over meals and other leisure activities.

I have also joined three cycling groups - The Fellowship of the Ride, The Love Cycling Singapore and also The Christ Methodist Church Cycling Club! Though I only know most of them for a couple of months, some of them have already touched my life by praying for me during this difficult period.

That said, I am really thankful to God for giving me friends who have been there for me. They went the extra mile to ask for my prayer needs. Some even messaged me daily to ask how I am. Some even spent time with me over meals. They have indeed been a blessing and I will always remember their love and care forever.

I have to admit that if it were not for them, I would not have been able to pull through this period! God knows I am unable to handle matters on my own and He graciously provided these precious individuals to help me share the load! They have my promise that I will be there for them in their times of struggle. In helping one another, our journey here on earth is made easier to trod. :)

So is it still a lousy year? Nah! It is a matter of perspective. If I focus on the WHOM (God, that is), every trouble pales in comparison because my God is great and nothing is too big for Him to handle especially when it involves His children.

That said, my struggles will still be there but going into the new year, I will fix my eyes on Him and Him alone. Soon, all will come to pass and there will be many more years (whatever that is left) for me to look forward to. :)

If you think I am going to share my resolutions next... well, nope. I will save them for another day. :)

To God be the glory for 2011! :)

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

Trusting My God Who Holds The Future

2011-12-28T20:42:00.002+08:00

I just finished a couple of housework. I did the laundry, swept the floor and ironed a mountain of clothes from the previous wash. I was initially hesitant to do them all as I was tired after coming back from a day of outing with the youths from my church to Sentosa.

Anyway, my approach to doing work is this - why procrastinate and suffer? I might as well just complete them now and enjoy myself after that.

That said, housework is done and I can now sit in the comfort of my room and blog some thoughts.

It has been a tough week as my brother and I have been trying to prepare grandma for her physio-therapy sessions which commenced on Tuesday. She was unable to stand on Tuesday but yesterday she was able to do so for a while. She was also able to sit on the chair. To me, that is progress as she had been bedridden since the first day of hospitalisation.

Though she is complaining that the operated area is still painful and uncomfortable, she is able to move that leg on her own without the aid of the nurses or any of the family members.

She is also less dependent on painkillers and anti-depressant medication. Her sun-down dementia does not seem to deteriorate. Praise God for that as well.

All the above-mentioned look positive but I must say that going through them is not easy. I am tired physically, mentally and emotionally. On top of that, I have to take care of mum and dad. I am glad that mum is recovering well though she is feeling a little restless at home.

There are still a couple of outstanding matters which I need to look into: one is to look for a community hospital for grandma. This is to allow her to do her physio-therapy and also to recuperate. I also need to look for a domestic helper which proves to be quite a headache. I prefer one from Indonesia because of the language as grandma speaks Malay but then they are quite expensive and limited. I am also considering helpers of other nationalities and this is where I am praying for God to give me discernment and wisdom in my decision-making.

Anyway, these are some inconveniences I have to go through but they will all come to pass soon.

During this period, it is easy for me to be engrossed in dealing with home matters but when I was spending time praying some time last week, I was reminded to go easy and do other activities away from home so as to keep my sanity as well as to just be refreshed from time to time.

Well, last week I did just that - meeting a dear friend to have dinners, watch a movie, do a little shopping and also cycling. I basically enjoyed the time with her.

I was so happy when I cycled for about 60km on Monday. I have not done it for close to a month already. My friend and I cycled all the way to Dempsey Road where we had our breakfast at Jones the Grocer. We then checked out a few new restaurants in the vicinity. Next was to cycle along Orchard Road before heading to StarBucks at The Playground in East Coast Park for a coffee break. We also took the time to read the papers and magazines provided by the cafe. After drinking our Macchiato and reading, we cycled some more before calling a day by having lunch at this restaurant called Claypot Fun at The Playground. The food, recommended by my friend, was good!!! :) We ate and chatted about our friends' kids as in how cute they are but also acknowledging the difficulty of parenthood.

Well, I am already looking forward to the next cycling session but I am not sure when as yet.

Oh yah, I received an email just now and it was about my terms of employment. I realised that I am only due back office on 9 January 2012 and not 3 January. It was a pleasant news as that would give me more time to deal with home matters and also to take that period to rest. Praise God for that!

Before I key off, I want to share that I do not know what the future holds in terms of the physical well-being of grandma and my parents but one thing I know is that they are all in the good hands of my Father in heaven. I am reminding myself that there is no point to worry so much about things I cannot predict but to put my hope on the One who holds the future and the One who has been faithful and good in my life. He has seen me through many difficult times in my life and He will continue to do so. That is why I am thankful to Him for even the littlest thing because He is a God who cares about everything.

To Him be the glory! :)

It Will Come To Pass!

2011-12-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

I was happy when the doctor informed me that grandma is fit for surgery and one has been scheduled for her tomorrow. Her condition has taken a toll not just on her but the family as well.

Yesterday I think every one reached the peak of their frustration. Grandma was very grouchy when I visited her in the hospital. She kept insisting on going home. It did not help that my brother called me to say that mum and dad were quarreling and that he was going home to handle the matter. Knowing my brother's temper, I decided to rush home just so that he is kept in check. Well, every one was edgy and sometimes I feel very helpless, not knowing how else to tell them that things will get better no matter how bad we see the situation as at that point of our frustration.

Anyway, I prayed while I was in the taxi. Thank God that by night-time, every one has cooled down. I was very stressed the whole of yesterday. It did not help that dad has not been taking good care of himself too - not taking his diabetes medication regularly and always not happy when being advised to watch his health.

While I was praying, I sensed God telling me that all these will come to pass and I rested in that assurance. I am also thankful to three persons praying for me - my dear sister, pastor and a staff in my church.

Well, this morning everything did turn out to be much better. Mum and dad are in talking terms again. Grandma was in a good mood and she was able to eat most of her lunch. Then the news that she can go for her operation.

Just now while praying for the surgery and in my prayer requests sent to the church prayer network, I pleaded with God to let grandma walk again after her operation. She has always been active and knowing that she wants to be able to walk again, I just felt that I needed to ask God for this special request. As a grandson, I cannot make her walk. I can only do what I can by agreeing to the surgery just so that she have some chances of walking but ultimately it is God who can do the impossible. Hence, this is my cry. I know He has heard me.

This evening I was planning to go cycling with a dear friend but as the weather was overcast, we decided to watch a movie but that also did not happen as the tickets were sold out. In the end we settled to do some window-shopping and have dinner together at Sakuraya.

Well, we ordered our favourite sword-fish sashimi. We also had salmon sashimi, tori karagge and also a bowl of mixed sashimi don. And of course we had our Calpis drink... we tried the grape flavoured one and it was not bad. I almost forgot about it until my friend reminded me about it. :)

During shopping we actually had some things we needed to buy but we shelved them till after dinner but by the time we finished our meal, the shop where we were supposed to buy some papers has closed; the standing fan which I was supposed to buy was out of stock. My friend wanted to buy a pair of Fit-Flops but they are more expensive in the shop compared to that sold in Amazon.com. She decided to order online.

It was a great evening. A great day in general. Praise the Lord!

It Is Worth It!

2011-12-21T10:33:00.002+08:00

There are many times in my life when I just feel like giving up showing love and care for the people close to my heart. Today is one of those many times. I was just wondering to myself earlier why should I even bother!

I love. Therefore I care. I care. Therefore I advice. What do I get in return? An individual full of pride and arrogance. Why must I turn out to be the bad guy when all these while, the intention was meant for the good and benefit of the person so dear to me?

I seriously do not understand why it is so difficult for a person to swallow his pride and accept the counsel of others?

I am basically very frustrated and exhausted! Something happened at home this morning which led to all the above-mentioned. It basically caused me to reflect on whether it was all worth it.

This year there have been so many setbacks I have faced pertaining to loving and caring for certain individuals. I have tried to be there for one individual and suddenly one day that person gave me the cold shoulder.

A loved one whom I cherish a lot is now so distant that we are like strangers now. All the effort I have put in all these years seem to have gone down the drain.

Why is it that sometimes those who care for someone becomes that person's enemies when those who do not really care are still his or her friends? It may sound like an unfair statement but that is what I feel sometimes.

Back on my reflection on whether it was all worth it. My answer is yes because in the eyes of God, everyone is worth dying for, hence Jesus' death on the cross for man's sin. If that is how God sees every individual, then who am I to see them otherwise?

I must remind myself this though - I can love. I can care. I can advice. But that is how far I can go and much I can give. It is up to the person to decide whether to receive my love, care and counsel. If he or she does not, so be it. I have done as much as I can but do I stop there? No.

I will now have to commit these individuals to God and let Him guide them along. The worst thing ever as a friend to someone else is to give up on him or her. It is easy for me to say but many times tough to practice but I will press on. I just hope I am not a friend who fails.

Anyway, another appliance broke down this morning. The fan in the hall overheated and the motor is burnt. I will need to go buy a new one after I jot these thoughts down. I wonder what is the next thing which will be break down.

I shall key off here. I just needed to release my frustration by blogging the above thoughts.

Love God. Live Life. Take Risk

2011-12-17T19:49:00.002+08:00

This morning I woke up sniffing a little. I guess it has been the lack of rest since the start of the mission trip till now when after being back here I still cannot rest as I need to handle the health matters of grandma and mum.

It does not help that one thing happens after another. Grandma was scheduled for surgery yesterday but it was postponed because there were a few emergency surgeries which the hospital needed to handle.

Then this morning I was told that she would be going for her operation. One hour later, I received a call from the hospital that it has to be postponed again as grandma has rashes around the hip area.

Just about an hour ago, my brother called to inform me that grandma's appetite has been bad and she is feeling nauseous. She is also experiencing some discomfort on her affected leg.

I feel very helpless whenever I receive news like the above-mentioned. I cannot deny that it can be frustrating and sometimes I wish something can be done there and then. At the end of it all, I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing and I will let Him deal with all these by simply praying about it.

I decided not to visit grandma and mum in the hospital as I did not want to let my flu-bug affect them. I took the time to do some housework by bathing the pets, sweeping the floor and doing the laundry.

After that, I felt like going out to catch a breather. I went to town for a while wanting to shop but with the crowd and all, I decided against it. I just walked around and after two hours or so, I decided to head home.

I was doing some reflections as I was walking and I remembered three things which a missionary from Ireland shared during the mission trip. His name is Jonny Hamill. He shared with the team that in our life's journey, we should always love God first with no compromise on this whatsoever.

Having that priority right enables us to live life to the fullest, knowing full well that God is in control and that no matter how tough the going may be, we can still live joyfully knowing that God will pull us through. Many are struggling because the element of God's presence is missing hence they are always feeling alone, having to fight life's battle on their own. When exhaustion sets in, that means the end for the person.

Sometimes living the Christian life is not about playing it safe but having to take risks which many may not dare to do so. Many times God calls His children to live their lives different from what the society calls for. In all occasions we are told to stand out and not blend in - being a light basically, always shining. If one has the guts to do so, he will be scrutinised, mocked and persecuted but if doing so can win souls for God, it is all worth it.

It is easy for me to write all the above-mentioned but I know in reality it is tough but that should not stop me from trying. If I fail, I will try again and this goes on till I succeed one day.

Well, a very good counsel from my Irish brother-in-Christ. Praise the Lord for him! May God use him and his wife, Jill, mightily in Cambodia.

Struggling Together

2011-12-16T14:25:00.002+08:00

It has been an exhausting experience since coming back from Cambodia on Wednesday. In fact throughout my seven days there my mind was not at peace because on the first day when the mission team arrived in Phnom Penh, my brother messaged to inform me that grandma has been admitted into hospital due to a fractured hip.

I already suspected something was not right with her when I was about to leave for the airport. I noticed she was limping badly and I asked dad to monitor her.

I am now in the hospital waiting for grandma to go for her operation. She is placed on the waiting list as there was an emergency case and that had to be attended to first. I hope the wait will not be too long as she seems to be getting anxious by the hour.

I have spending a lot of time praying. I asked God to guide the surgeons' hands and that in the course of the surgery, there will not be complications of stroke or lung/urine infections due to grandma's old age. She will also be on local anesthesia and I pray her eyes will be fixed on Jesus and not on the surgery.

I have been running around, meeting doctors to discuss about the best treatment for grandma; going to the hospital's business centre to settle the cost of the operation. I had to also make enquiries with maid agencies to see which maid to engage so that grandma's physical needs will be taken care of.

I am actually quite disappointed that in the past one week, no one dared made any decision. Apparently the main reason was whether it was worth it to send grandma for the operation due to her old age and also whether it was worth it spending so much on the whole procedure!

When I came back, I had to put my foot down and bring to attention that money should not be the deciding factor as to whether grandma should go for the surgery or not. She may be 87 years old but she deserves every right to live comfortably. It is sad that in times like this when a decision needs to be made fast that everyone is caught up with rationalizing whether it is cost effective or not. This is a life we are talking about!

All these does not help that I have to also look into the needs of my mum who is hospitalized too due to urinal tract infection. She is recuperating in an isolation ward. I pray she will be discharged soon.

I posted a thought on FaceBook just now - I am basically thankful to God for the fellowship of my siblings-in-Christ because in times of need, they are there to pray and encourage me. This makes my struggles easier to bear. Praise the Lord for them all!

I would like to blog about the mission trip but not now. There are so much to share and I will find the time to do soon.

I shall end here. I do not know when all these will end but I'm trusting God to pull me and every one at home one day at a time.

Bye, Singapore. Hello, Cambodia!

2011-12-08T09:52:00.002+08:00

In a couple of hours I will be with 15 other siblings-in-Christ at the airport, preparing to leave for our mission trip to Phnom Penh.

After 5 months of preparation, the time has come to put all the plans to action. While I was praying yesterday, I was reminded that these plans must be accompanied with God's guidance and a love for His people (the Khmers)!

Well, I guess the team members must remind each other on the above-mentioned as we go through each day of ministry. I pray for God's name to be glorified and His people edified in this 7-day stint in Cambodia.

I just finished packing and praise the Lord that everything is able to fit into my mid-size luggage. There are so many things to bring - medical bag, portable photo-printer with the papers and cartridges, stuff which I am bringing on behalf of some friends, my clothes and other personal belongings.

It has been a tiring week as there were a couple of things to do before I leave - bringing grandma for her jab which I forgot to do so on Monday, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, settling outstanding bills, buying groceries, bathing the pets, etc. I was also trying to recharge myself after an epic camp last week. :)

Anyway, I was quite concerned for grandma. When I was chatting with her, I asked her why she was walking with a limp and she told me she had a fall while going marketing. As much as my heart went out to her, I was also angry because I have told her several times not to go out but she still does it once in a while without the family members' knowledge. Sigh. She is the kind who cannot sit still at home so I cannot blame her when she sneaks out of the house secretly.

All I can ask of the Lord is to protect her when she goes out and that while I am away, everything would be fine. Nowadays I cannot leave home without worrying for the old folks.

Well, I shall leave all these to God and concentrate on the work in Cambodia, at least for the next one week.

There are a couple of other loved ones I am thinking about too but that is all I can do for now.

Time to end here.

I shall blog as and when I have wi-fi connection.

Bye, all!

When Jesus Died, We Died Too

2011-12-02T19:28:00.004+08:00

The next programme only starts at 8.30pm. While waiting, I decided to blog some of my thoughts about today's teaching session by Rev. Reuben Ng. I am trying to bear with the noises created by two groups of campers rehearsing for their skits. I am also their DJ because they want to incorporate some music into their plays and I have just searched the soundtracks they requested for. Very creative, these young ones! I am so proud of them. :)

This morning, Pastor Reuben reminded me in his message that when Christ died for our sins, we also died with Him. Not as in a physical death but a spiritual one. Meaning to say that we have been cleansed from all our sins and we are no longer held ransom by them. They have no power anymore. We have basically died to sin!

The reason why many still struggle with sins because we allow ourselves to but in actual fact, we are no longer bound by the slavery of sin and death. It was liberating to know that.

Pastor Reuben brought up an example about how we sometimes judge others. If we allow sin to come into play, then nothing positive will ever come out of our perception of that person we have a problem with. The scary thing is it will only get worse. Slowly it leads from prejudice to a grudge and then to hatred.

The opposite is this - if we know well in our hearts that sin is no more a master, then our view will be governed by how Jesus would look at the person we have a problem with. Simply put - we will see that individual as Jesus would. We will shun off all evil thoughts and allow love to lead the way.

Praise God for the above-mentioned! :)

Well, these are my thoughts for now. I shall write more later.

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin — because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." Romans 6:1-14

He Did Not Wait

2011-12-02T06:39:00.002+08:00

I have just posted on my Facebook that I woke up with a heart of thankfulness, simply knowing that while I was helpless, ungodly and a sinner, Christ died for me! Praise the Lord for that!

The above-mentioned was preached by Rev. Reuben Ng in his first session to the campers. It was a simple message not only for the young but for a believer like me who has been a Christian for 26 years. Sometimes I myself need to be reminded of such a message, which, interestingly, was the reason why I turned my life to Christ. I guess, along the way, I have forgotten about it because it has been so long or simply for the fact that I have been dragged along the flow of this world where there are so much distractions that God became so small in my life.

It is always heartening to know that God did not wait till we become perfect or reach a certain level of 'holiness' then He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die for us. He did not simply tell us that He loves us. Instead He put love into action! He meant what He said! Christ died for all. Period!

Yesterday during ministry time I was challenged to live out my Christian faith boldly and not be afraid of being scrutinised by the people around me. Many times we are hesitant in telling people we are a Christian because we still do not want to let go of some of our past - perhaps some pet sins or unfinished business we have with someone or a hatred we are harbouring, etc. Hence we fear that people will mock us for not being authentic because these areas are still stifling us.

As Christ did not wait for us to be perfect before He died for us on the cross, I think we also should not wait any longer by revealing our identity to the world. So long as each day we are overcoming the sins or shortcomings of our lives, we are always one step closer to godliness and holiness.

Well, the real test is always when I am out of church because in church it is always easy to be a Christian but when out of it, it is a totally different thing. Oh yah, Pastor Reuben mentioned this and I thought it made a lot of sense! Going to church does not make one a Christian. It is the same as going to McDonalds does not make one a hamburger!

Where is God in my heart? Where is God in your heart?

Wait no more!

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Buy! Busy! Busy! Fun! Fun! Fun!

2011-11-29T09:35:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow will begin a hectic two-week schedule, beginning with the Youth Camp at the BB/GB Campsite in Sembawang. I am looking forward to the five-day adventure with the youths from my church and also their friends. This year's response is exceptional because out of the 100 attending, 45 of the campers are actually guests. It is also one of the biggest camp we have ever held in years. Praise the Lord!

What I am praying for now is that at the end of it all, it is the quantity which matters but more so the lessons these youths can take home with them after the camp. Well, that one I will leave to God to do the transformation. :)

Just bumped into my sister's friend and had a chat with her. It is wonderful to see all of them working now and building their careers.

Anyway, back to the busyness I was sharing about. After the camp will be the Youth Ministry's Mission Trip where 16 of us will be leaving for Cambodia to hold another youth camp but this time for the Khmer youths. It is just a 2D/1N camp but I am sure all will enjoy each other's fellowship and also the activities planned.

The team is also heading to a village project some three hours from Phnom Penh. This is a first for the youths. Though we do not know what exactly to expect, we are still anticipating a great time of doing community work for the villagers.

I am also looking forward to this trip though going to Cambodia is like heading back to my second home. I cannot believe that I have been there for close to 30 times since my first in 2010. It is something I have committed myself because of that one Khmer boy who asked whether I will be back again. It was a sincere question as he was wondering whether others who have come and gone on mission trips actually care for people like him.

In all these visits, I have also learnt a lot from the Khmers and I will always cherish them in my heart. Some are tough to practice especially in an affluent country like Singapore but I will press on. :)

I have been feeling a little exhausted too having to take care of grandma's medical needs. Bringing her to and from hospital for her check-ups have been trying for both her and me or sometimes my brother. I just pray that God will continue to sustain everyone and may He make my grandma well soon so that everyone can get on with their lives.

I shall stop here for now.

Have a blessed day, everyone! :)

A Divine Nudge

2011-11-24T23:28:00.003+08:00

It has been almost a week since I last blogged.

I decided to do so today because I want to give thanks to God for giving me a divine nudge (as commented by my pastor) to check on grandma in her room. When I opened the door I was shocked to see her sprawled on the floor. She could not get up as she was feeling very drowsy from the medication that she took.

Anyway, she pee-ed on the floor and I had to change her clothes and clean her up before mopping the floor. I am thankful to God for protecting her from any injuries. She is now sleeping and I pray she will feel better tomorrow.

I just finished doing the laundry and will probably carry on doing an article which I am supposed to submit by tomorrow afternoon. I am almost 75% done. I should be able to complete them before I hit the sack.

The past three days have been busy with the Trinity Annual Conference meetings at Toa Payoh Methodist Church. I did not go yesterday as there were enough delegates representing my church.

Since coming back from London, it has been dealing with home matters especially grandma's health condition. My brother and I took turns to bring her for her medical check-ups. Sometimes in the middle of the night I would wake up abruptly just to ensure that grandma is okay.

It has been draining physically, emotionally and mentally but I praise God that spiritually He is keeping me going. I am constantly being reminded that He is in control and that no worries can help me solve any matters. All I can do is to trust God to help me do what I can and to carry out my role as a occasional care-giver joyfully.

Yesterday I decided to take a break from home matters to just go out and chill. A dear friend and I went to Johor Bahru after we queued up to register for the OCBC Cycle Singapore 2012. We thought the goodie-bags for the first 300 were full of good stuff but we were deeply disappointed. Anyway, we quickly got over that as we concentrated on our day trip to Malaysia.

We drove in but the weather was horrendous as it began to pour "dinosaurs and rhinos" as my friend would categorise it. We had bak kut teh (pork ribs soup) for lunch. It was good. We also ordered the pork knuckles cooked in dark soya sauce. We each had a bowl of rice but we could not finish them. As usual the meal was good and cheap!

Next was to Tebrau City where there is this huge supermarket. We spent the remaining part of the afternoon in that mall. We snacked a little here and there. We window-shopped. It was the grocery-shopping which was the finale. We bought quite a lot of groceries and other household items as they were cheaper.

The trip ended with a seafood dinner at the same restaurant that my other friends and I always patronised. As it was just the two of us were ordered only three dishes - one crab cooked in salted egg gravy with a tinge of curry powder and leaves; one kilogram of buttered crayfish; and also the tau-hu cooked in maggi light sauce.

That meal was good too. We could not finish them but we had them packed so that my friend could bring home. We did not want to waste the food. I was told she had the meat of the crab and crayfish made into sandwiches which she had them for lunch this afternoon. :)

Before we went back to Singapore, we bought a premium durian and also two soursops at a roadside stall. We also had the petrol tank topped up. By the time we arrived home, it was already almost 11pm.

Well, we got lost twice but thanks be to God for bringing us back on track.

Okay, I would want to write more but I have my article to do.

Good night, all! God is good in all situations! :)

Celebrate Both Life And Death

2011-11-18T17:49:00.002+08:00

I am blogging now at Island Creamery after doing a recce at Botanic Gardens for the mission team retreat tomorrow. It rained when I arrived but decided to go ahead with the recce. A little drenched but I am contented that I now know the ground. I am also relieved that there are big fields for the team to do their activities and also shelters which are large enough to accommodate all 16 of us should the weather turn against us.

I ordered two scoops of ice-cream as I had a sudden craving for it.

It has been a very busy day for me. In the morning, I attended a funeral of my church's assistant pastor's mother. In a short message given by a Chinese-speaking pastor, I learnt from him that death is to be celebrated as it would mean leaving this world to another place more glorious; where there is no more suffering.

I am reminded too that whilst I am still here that I should also celebrate life even in the midst of the struggles which no one can escape from. I was also challenged to cherish my loved ones while they are still around. There will be times when we get on each other's nerves or step on each other's toes but they are nothing compared to this special relationship God has given us. This then reminded me that if I am an imperfect being, why should I hold a grudge against another who is also the same as me? I guess by having this in mind, it would help me to be more tolerant of others because surely I would want them to do the same of my shortcomings - bearing with me while I learn to change.

Well, praise God for the above-mentioned.

I had lunch with my senior pastor and two other siblings-in-Christ after the funeral. We went to have Indian food at Casuarina Road. I ordered a plate of maggi mee goreng and a cup of iced milk tea but both were below average. Anyway, bad or not, I still thank God that I still have food to eat each day. :)

It was to church next as I need to print out the retreat materials. Well, it did not take me long to do that and I am glad I was able to finish preparing them. I have been praying for God to provide for me the necessary materials and it was only yesterday that all the inspiration came. Phew!

My router died on me when I came back from London. The technical staff tried to help me salvage it but to no avail. In the end I had to buy a new one but praise God I got a good deal as I was given a discounted price by the same staff mentioned above. I shall install it when I head home later.

Yesterday was the first time I cycled after more than two weeks. I enjoyed the time thoroughly with five other friends. We met at East Coast Park and it was then off to Changi Village and back. I am looking forward to another ride this weekend with a dear friend. As much as I can, I will try to ride more before I start work on 2 January 2012. I hope I will still have time to cycle after that. Even if I do not, I will make time as I cannot let work govern my life as it is only a mean to meet my daily needs and that of my loved ones and perhaps save a little for rainy days. :)

On the second day of my return from the United Kingdom, I met a dear friend for lunch at a restaurant in Chinatown. The food was good and I also enjoyed the time of catching up and passing her some stuff I bought during the trip. :)

With all these shared, I am glad to be back home with my family especially grandma. I am grateful to God for making her well again though she is still recuperating. There are many check-ups to bring her to but so long as they would aid in her recovery, it would be worth the effort.

Okie, I guess I should stop here and head home.

Praise God for everything and above all, this life He has given me. There are joy and pain I am and will be experiencing but I shall take heart that He will see me through them all! :)

Getting To Know Strangers

2011-11-13T06:56:00.004+08:00

I just finished packing all the items which I do not need to use in the remaining two days of my stay here in London. Surprisingly I am able to pack everything in my luggage. The only concern I have is that it may have exceeded the weight limit. Well, I shall pray that the check-in staff will close an eye to it. :)

I have bought most of the things I need except for an item or two which I will purchase tomorrow. I will probably spend some time with God reading the Bible and praying in my favourite park - Hyde Park. I love reading in the parks, be it in Cambridge or in London, as the weather is so conducive to do so.

Anyway, this afternoon while I was in Debenhams window-shopping, I saw two of the staff rushing to a section where there was a crowd around this elderly gentleman lying on one of the sofas. I asked the staff what happened and she told me that the man was experiencing chest pain. I told them that I am trained in first aid and also in using the defibrillator.

I kept talking to the man as I did not want him to lose consciousness. While doing so, I got to know his name as Mr. Paul Cawthorne. He is 81 years of age. We had small talks as I did not want to strain him too much. Not long after, the medics came and took over from there.

They suspect it is a heart-attack and quickly brought him to the hospital after running some checks on him. Well, as they wheeled him away, I prayed for him that God will protect and heal him.

After that I went to Covent Garden as I needed to buy some stuff from there. As I walked past one of the street entertainers who was taking a break, I decided to speak to him. I have seen his performance - he dressed himself like a Roman soldier and he has such a rubber face that one cannot stop laughing as he teases the passers-by.

I told him he was good. He smiled and thanked me. He has been doing this day in and day out for more than 10 years already. Anyway, I wished him well and went on my way.

After everything was done, I went to meet a dear brother-in-Christ for dinner and we had fish and chips near Victoria Station at this restaurant named SeaFresh. The meal was not bad.

Anyway, before I leave, I am going to visit the Italian restaurant next to where I have been living. I have bought pizzas a couple of times from this elderly gentleman named Pannier. When I first visited his restaurant he dawned upon me as a grouchy old man but after buying from him regularly, he has been more friendly.

He has his business for more than 10 years but it has not been doing well with only about 10 customers daily. Anyway, I affirmed him that his pizzas are one of the better ones I have tried and he smiled. His son is a pilot for a private Swiss airline.

Well, I guess that is all.

I feel a little sad that I will be leaving London in two days but at the same time I am also looking forward to going home though with a heavy heart as I know there are a couple of matters to attend to. The main one being grandma. Well, I have been praying for God to use me to encourage grandma and I shall see how He can do that. One step at a time, I guess.

Good night, all, in this part of the world and good morning to the rest of you at the other side. :)

Trials Are Not Bad

2011-11-10T06:53:00.002+08:00

Once in a while my heart is saddened when I thought of how things have changed in my relationship with someone I hold dear to. It is not a romantic relationship, if you readers are wondering.

Many times I asked God why it has to be what it is now. The answer I always receive is that both parties need to put aside our pride/grudges/frustrations/bitterness/unforgiveness in order for reconciliation to happen. Every day I pray for this to happen but it has yet to happen. Communication has ceased. Everything is swept under the carpet. There is no more openness and transparency. Promises made were broken. There seemed to be no more trust.

As I was spending some time in a park with God near where I am staying, it just baffled me how things have become what it is now. As I was reflecting, I realised there were many false assumptions made. There were distrust. Care shown became suspicion that there were more to what it is.

Anyway, I am not ashamed to share this struggle because I am a human. I struggle with relationship with another but my desire is that I want to make right should I err. That is why every day I still pray about it.

Well, that was the burden in my heart this morning. I spoke to my brother to obtain an update about grandma. I thank God that the sleeping tablet she took has lost its effect on her and that she is less sleepy now. I also praise the Lord that she is able to eat better and that she is alert to the surroundings and that she is responding to my brother and parents. I do not want to speak to grandma as I do not want her to worry about me.

Another thing I learnt while I was spending time with God this morning is that yes, there will be times when one has to face a lousy situation. More often than not, we dwell in this misery and becomes negative and bitter. Today I was reminded that I should be encouraged that as much as I have to go through this trying period, so long as I am doing something about it - something as easy as saying a prayer or doing something as difficult as being thankful for what I am going through - it is already a step to making the situation better. Eventually it will be overcome and life carries on.

I told God that I am ready to face what is ahead of me when I go back to Singapore so long as know He is with me at all times in dealing with grandma's forgetfulness, bearing with her when she throws her tantrums, encouraging my brother or parents when they get frustrated, having to go through the inconveniences of having to bring grandma for her check-up, etc.

Well, I did a little shopping - bought a couple of shirts and I am also thankful to God that an online order I made went through smoothly. I have received the item and the price is really cheap due to a ongoing promotion and also being able to claim the VAT returns.

I came back to the hotel to rest for a while before going out to have dinner with a friend. We ate at an Italian restaurant and I simply enjoyed the pizza which is supposed to be very spicy but when I took the first bite, it was not even close to mild. Haha. I asked for more cut chillies and the waitress was shocked when I finished the whole bowl of it. :)

I am now in my room again. I am actually quite tired. I shall sleep soon as I have to be in Cambridge tomorrow to meet my ex-course supervisor.

Praise God for today. The reflections this morning have allowed me to once again surrender everything to God when I am at my wit's end. In His time, He will bring about reconciliation in my relationship with my loved one. In His time, my grandma will be well again. In His time, I will learn more of Him and myself. :)

Grandma Will Be Well!

2011-11-09T04:29:00.004+08:00

I just had a sumptuous Indian dinner with a dear brother-in-Christ. I always thought that those in Singapore are delicious... well, after tonight's meal, I must admit that this restaurant serves better food. We had chicken briyani served in a claypot, garlic naans and also chicken mirch masala. There was a complimentary cup of soup. For starters, there were papadoms with six different kinds of dips.

Anyway, grandma has been discharged from the hospital. It is not just because she is well but the doctor felt that if she stays any longer, her dementia condition may worsen. My brother updated me on this in the middle of the night when I was sleeping... due to the time difference between Singapore and the U.K..

After that I could not really sleep as I was thinking how the family and I can help affirm grandma as her memory slowly slips away. I spent a considerable time praying for her and also asking God for solutions.

Well, in the midst of just being still, I roughly know what I need to do when I go back. Well, it is not the kind of return I would love to look forward to but I cannot have this kind of thoughts. After all, it is grandma I am talking about - the one who took care of me from babe to who I am now.

I guess I will spend more time with her in prayer and also reading the Word of God so that she will be reminded that God is always there to help her and in times when she feels helpless, she can depend on Him for help. I also need to call her a few times a day just to let her know that she is remembered and to assure that I am there for her anytime. This is to ensure that she eats her meals regularly. The doctor suspected that her fainting spell is due to her forgetting to eat her meals regularly.

I need to speak to my parents and brother and also my cousins and uncle to see how we can all unite together to help grandma. It is going to be a bit of adapting to but I feel every one needs to play their part in ensuring that grandma is at no time feeling unwanted or useless.

On my part, I will pray for grandma daily that God has mercy on her and also to sustain her in whatever remaining days she had on this earth.

After praying, I corresponded with my sister and also a dear friend about grandma. I felt better after that.

I am supposed to be in Cambridge today but it had to be postponed as my ex-course supervisor had a staff meeting to attend at the last-minute. It was changed to tomorrow but I received a message earlier that it had to be postponed again. I could understand his busyness as it is also the examination period. Well, I hope before the weekend we could meet. If not, I guess we may not be able to catch up at all.

I did not really have much mood to do anything. I basically went to buy the cycling shades for my friend and I. After days of visiting various optical shops, I decided on one which I felt was reasonable and friendly. Praise God it was the right choice made - not only did the kind gentleman allowed me to change one set of lenses to the photo-chromic ones, he also gave 20% off to both pairs of sunglasses bought. In the end, they cost much cheaper than those sold in Singapore.

I felt bad that I could not get the one my friend wanted as that particular model is sold out. Even for me, I had to settle for another colour because the one I wanted, though there was one available, it had a scratched on it.

Anyway, praise God that the deal was done. :) I also needed to buy a DAB radio for another friend and when the purchase was done I headed back to the hotel to rest.

It was still early but I wanted to just stay in as I did not have sufficient sleep. The other reason was also due to a slight fever I had last night, coupled with a sore throat. Thank God after taking some medications, I am well now.

I shall end here. Oh yah! I finished one out of the two books I brought. I hope I can finish the other before going back to Singapore. :)

Appreciating Worship

2011-11-07T05:28:00.002+08:00

This morning I went to All Souls Church for the 9.30am service. Whenever I am in London, this is the church I will attend. The late John Stott used to be the rector of the church. It is sad that he is no more with us but I am also happy that this faithful servant of God is now in heaven.

Today's sermon is taken from Revelation 11:1-19. In context with this passage one thing hit me hard. The preacher shared that sometimes we do not appreciate praising God because we have not experienced suffering enough to know how blest we are and how good God is in our lives. Many times we take our blessings for granted and forgotten from whom these come from.

Usually it is those who are going through hardship and persecution who are more thankful to God for the little things in life. Even the opportunity to live through yet another day warrants them a time of praise to God for His grace and mercy.

Food for thought for the above-mentioned. It was a rebuke for me and I was humbled. After the service I spent some time in prayer asking God to help me be thankful at all times. I also prayed and asked God to help me live a life which is pleasing in His sight and edifying to the people around me. First things first, I will always seek to glorify God. I hope I will be able to press on.

I called home to find out the status of grandma's condition. So far, the doctor confirmed that grandma lacks vitamin B12 and they are now going to supplement her with that deficiency. For her recent weight loss, the medical staff will have to do a CT scan as well as a scope but these can only be done tomorrow. I pray nothing serious will come out of that.

I sent out prayer requests to my sister, cell group and also the mission team to ask them to intercede for granny. Those who saw my FaceBook posting also affirmed me that they will be praying.

I hope all these effort will bring healing to grandma.

Well, after service I brought a dear brother-in-Christ to a steak-house, named Hawksmoor, for lunch. It is also to celebrate his super-belated birthday. The food was not bad and we were very full and satisfied.

My brother-in-Christ left after the meal while I stayed back in Covent Garden to watch the street performances. After that I went to a bike shop in London Bridge area to buy two cycling jerseys - one for a dear friend and the other for me. We thought the design is unique and since the price is right, the purchase was made.

I went next to Selfridges next to buy for another friend some Nespresso capsules.

When all these were done, I was drained physically. Before I went back to the hotel, I bought kebabs for dinner.

Praise God for today. :)

Prompted To Pray

2011-11-06T06:07:00.002+08:00

After lunch today I decided to go to Hyde Park to spend some time in reflection and prayer. I could have gone to shop or check out more bike shops but I felt the need to put that aside for a moment.

I sat on one of the benches and prayed for my family and other loved ones. I specifically prayed for healing for grandma as I have been burdened for her health since a few days ago when I was informed that she has been unwell.

Then came the message from my brother informing me that grandma has been admitted into hospital. She apparently blacked out while in the kitchen. Thank God my brother was there to catch her before she fell. She was unconscious for a while.

She was sent to the Accident and Emergency Department and is now admitted for observation. The doctors will also be running some tests to ascertain the cause of the black-out. I just pray that there is nothing serious and that the medical staff will know how to help grandma.

My brother will update me accordingly and he assured me that everything is in control and there is no need for me to go home.

Anyway, I went for a walk along River Thames. Again I prayed for grandma. I was supposed to watch some fireworks display but I had no mood to do so. I headed back to the hotel after spending some time in quiet and also feeling super cold from the sudden drop of temperature.

Other than the shock I received back home, I had a great breakfast at this cafe called Latana Cafe where they serve very very delicious English Breakfast. After that I followed a dear brother-in-Christ to buy some computer stuff and also a new backpack. We headed next to Portobello Market and then for lunch at Bayswater.

After Hyde Park, I went to Greenwich to check out a bike shop and it was here when I receive the message from my brother about grandma.

Well, I am tired. I will share more about my reflection soon.

Praise God that He has everything under His control and I know He will make all things beautiful in His time.

Goodbye Singapore, Hello UK!

2011-11-04T05:08:00.003+08:00

I am shivering as I am typing. It is very cold in my hotel room. I just turned up the heater and hopefully it would be warmer soon. Time flies that it is already my fourth day here in London.

Eversince I touched down, it has been helping a dear brother-in-Christ settle into his hostel as he prepares for his PHD programme. We went to do the necessary paper work and also buying of all the items needed for his accommodation. Well, we have settled most of the stuff and it is now for him to unpack and to arrange the room as he deems appropriate.

I just moved to another hotel. I was initially at Earl's Court but I am now in Hammersmith. There will be a couple of commuting to do the next few days. I will be in Liverpool on Saturday, attempting to buy a ticket for the Liverpool - Swansea match. On Monday I will probably be in Cambridge to visit my supervisor. I am considering visiting Ireland but I am not sure yet.

I was supposed to go hunting with an ex-coursemate but he just informed me that it may not be possible due to the cold spell.

Though I mentioned that I have been helping my brother-in-Christ with his lodging matters, I have also been visiting various bike shops to check out some wheels for my bike and also shades for a dear friend. I am basically just making price comparisons before I decide when and where to buy them.

As much as I am enjoying myself so far, my heart has been burdened by grandma's health. I called home earlier and was told that she is not feeling well. I spoke to her and she sounded weak. I pray that God will heal her as soon as possible.

Though I am on holidays, I cannot just simply tell myself that I do not care about matters at home. Hence I still keep in touch with my family and friends via WhatsApp, sms or phone-calls. It also helps me to know what I can pray for them when I spend time with God here.

Anyway, praise God that He has taken care of all matters so far and I shall continue to trust that He will do so till I go back on 15 November 2011.

Well, nothing much to share for now but will write more in the next few days. :)

Being On The Same Boat

2011-10-30T20:51:00.002+08:00

It has been a great weekend for me but a part of my heart is troubled and burdened over a matter concerning a loved one. Well, I can only pray about it for now (and I have been doing so for a few months already). All I can do is just hope for the better.

Anyway, since Friday it has been running of errands and ensuring that everything at home is in order before I leave for London tomorrow on a two-week getaway. I stocked up the refrigerator and also the kitchen cabinets, cleaned the house and did all the laundry.

On Friday evening, a dear friend and I went to check out some cycling shades at Parkway Parade and Queensway Shopping Centre and had dinner together at a Japanese restaurant (Sakuraya) in Anchor Point. We did that again this afternoon at Novena Square and had lunch at an Indonesian/Thai restaurant, named Bali-Thai Restaurant, but the food was not great. No matter what, I thank God for His blessings that we, as Singaporeans, still have food to consume daily.

Well, from the two days of enquiries and looking at the different brands of shades, we have decided on the one we are comfortable with. When in London I will do a price comparison and from there purchase the item accordingly.

On Saturday morning, the same friend and I went cycling together. Instead of covering the usual route to Changi, we headed towards the Marina Bay area instead. It was an impromptu plan but it was fun as we explored and found new paths leading to the Marina Barrage. After that we went to this cafe (named Loysel's Toy) in Kallang Basin and had our breakfast. We cycled back to East Coast Park after that.

Overall, I had an enjoyable time and I praise God for that! I enjoyed the time of catching up and also working out. :)

This morning as I was doing my devotion, I learnt something which humbled me. Many times I get disappointed with people because of their shortcomings but today I learn that I should not be feeling that way because of the fact that no one is perfect... not a single human being on this earth. Who am I to be disappointed with another when I myself am not perfect. What benchmark am I using to be feeling that way towards another.

What is the alternative then? I guess, first of all, we must bear with one another. This does not mean that we tolerate their shortcomings. Instead we should help one another in overcoming our weaknesses or struggles so that these can be turned to strengths. It will take time but we must not give up on each other. Instead we should walk with one another.

If we cannot have the patience and perseverance in doing the above-mentioned, then we will always remain the same and it will be a vicious cycle where the disappointment and frustration will come back to haunt us again in another circumstance.

If we are in the same boat, let us steer it in the correct direction rather than rock it and in the end have everyone fall into the water and drown.

Anyway, I will try to blog once in a while during the trip. I am going to miss cycling for two weeks but will look forward to it when I come back. :)

I guess that is all. Take care everyone and have a blessed new week ahead!

A Humbling Experience

2011-10-23T22:14:00.002+08:00

This weekend has been a humbling experience for me. Nothing serious but it has to do with my recent interest in cycling. I joined this riding group called the Fellowship of the Ride ("FOTR") - it was an invitation by a dear brother-in-Christ. It started off with a few Christian siblings-in-Christ and it now has 101 members.

Yesterday morning I decided to join some of them for a 90.5km ride from Thomson Road to the western part of Singapore. As I was looking forward to the trip the whole week, I thought it should be a breeze since I have been 'training' for the past one month or so. Having covered an average of 60km per ride and maintaining a constant speed of 28kph, I thought I was good to go.

Boy, was I wrong! Two areas I totally were not prepared for - the hills and also the mental aspect in conquering them. Right from the start already, I encountered one after another up-slope! Though my brother-in-Christ was there to pace me, I could not keep up after 30 minutes and I felt bad as we were quite far from the rest.

In the end I decided to ask him to go ahead. He respected my decision and went on. For me, it was a battle - to turn back and go home or to press on in the route I have more or less memorised. I chose the latter, knowing jolly well that there will be more hills ahead.

As I went on, I told God that I really did not think I was up to it but I was determined to cover at least the majority part of it. I went ahead to roads I have never been before and in the cover of darkness as the sun was not up yet.

I told a dear friend that I intend to cycle to my workplace which is Nanyang Technological University and yesterday I did. I was so proud of myself. Haha.

Anyway, I cycled a total of 68km. 8km more than my average and I praise God for that because that is a new record for me. I covered a couple of up-slopes which sometimes felt as if my legs were going to drop off. There was one point I had to take a pit-stop, eating my energy bar and also drinking my electrolyte enhanced drink.

I started at 5.00am and I arrived at my estate at 8.30pm. By that time, my thighs were cramping up and they felt so tight. My bum was painful due to some abrasions. My arms were a little sore too. But I was happy and satisfied. :)

Throughout the trip, from the point I cycled alone, I reflected on my walk and I was just asking God - "Lord, what can I learn from this?" Well, below are some thoughts I had.

Many times I feel that I know God enough that I do not need to know Him anymore. Whatever knowledge I have of Him, I thought it would have been sufficient for me to experience life. But the encounter I had with the up-slopes yesterday humbled me that there is never enough when it comes to knowing God. Hence I prayed and asked Him to help me not be complacent in my walk with Him so that everyday I will continue to yearn for Him by reading His Word, praying and even being still before Him.

I also learnt that in my life's journey, there are seasons to rest and seasons to press on. Just like the ride, I could have turned back when the going got tough but in choosing to press on, I learnt to trust God to show me the way and also to strengthen the areas where I am weak. The process may be slow at times but it will still get me to the destination.

Then comes the other discipline where I also need to stop to recharge... just like when I needed to eat the energy bar and drink the water. It is the same for my life. If I had gone on, I would have fainted. This is where personal retreat away from the routines is important to re-organised my life and to chuck away those areas which are not beneficial for me.

Of course, encouragements from a dear friend and my brother-in-Christ helped. I remembered what they told me and as I went on and during times when it was just so painful, having remembered their words spurred me on. :)

Well, praise God for the above-mentioned.

On Friday I was riding too. I went with my dear friend and another new friend from East Coast Park to Changi Village. I met the former earlier as I needed to repair her bike and also to pass her a couple of things. We then cycled to Bedok Jetty to chat.

The whole journey was fun and it was also food-ful as I had my dinner of nasi lemak at Changi Village.

This morning I was at Changi Coastal Road to cheer some of the FOTR members in their participation in the Cyclone Race Series 2011. For the Fun Quad Category, they came in third and that was great result as this is their first time. After that we went for breakfast before heading back to the event ground for the prize presentation. I basically the photographer for the day. :)

Okie, there are more which I did but I shall stop here as I am tired.

Good night, all, and have a blessed week ahead!!! :)

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Memories Fading; Hope Rising

2011-10-21T09:43:00.004+08:00

I just looked at grandma as she laid on her bed and my heart suddenly sank. Sometimes I feel sad for her especially when I see the emptiness in her eyes. Suffering from dementia, sometimes I cannot fathom what is running in her mind (if at all).

Eversince she has been diagnosed with dementia, my prayer for her has always been asking God to take away all the bad memories first so that the good ones will continue to drive her on in life (whatever that is left of it). Sometimes I also pray (which I hope is a right kind of prayer) that if there is no more meaning for her to live on, that God take her soon so that she can enjoy a life of eternity in heaven with Him.

I have ever been advised to send her to an old folks' home so that proper care can be administered. As much as that is a convenient thing to do, my love for her does not compel me to do so. I have shared this before and I will share again.

Grandma has been the one who has taken care of me since I was a baby and she is still doing so now that I am an adult. No matter how bad her condition is, I will be there for her physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually till she is no more with us. I want her to know that she is still wanted in whatever condition she is in now. All I pray daily is that God gives me that perseverance and also the wisdom to know how to care for her appropriately and also to shower love which I hope will bring a certain sense of peace and assurance in her heart.

Well, I am going to join her to do some marketing after this and hope little things like this will make her day. :)

I am also looking forward to meeting a long-time friend whom I have not met to catch up for a real long time. We are planning the venue and time now and I cannot wait to have a time of fellowship with her.

After that I have to run some errands and then a time of cycling with some dear friends. I am going to take it easy tonight as I have a 90km ride tomorrow from 5.00 to 8.00am. It is a challenge I have taken up for myself and like what a dear brother-in-Christ has encouraged me - finish or not is not the goal. It is the doing and the endurance which matter. :)

Have a great Friday, everyone and a restful weekend ahead! God bless!

A Thin Red Line

2011-10-18T11:40:00.002+08:00

I did my secret cycling training last night and my legs almost fell off as I tried to maintain a constant speed of 30kph. I started from my place all the way to the Changi Coastal Road. It was when I reached the National Service Resort and Country Club ("NSRCC") that I picked up my pace and kept between the 25 to 30kph speed. I could feel my thigh cramping up but I pressed on.

I had a pit-stop at the Changi Village hawker centre where I drank a can of 100 Plus and a plate of fruits. It was here I met a veteran cyclist who owns a classic Conalgo bike. As we were travelling back the same direction, we cycled together. It was here I saw how fit he was. He is probably in his late forties or early fifties but as we ride on, he began to pick up speed. I managed to keep up but slowly I lagged behind because he went on between 35 to 40kph. I kept to my 30kph... sometimes dropping a little as my legs were sore!!!

When we reached back NSRCC, we slowed down and chatted as we cycled towards Marine Parade. We went on our separate way when I reached just opposite Parkway Parade as I needed to find out whether my friend needed me to fix her saddle. I was already at the underpass leading to her place. As she was just on her way home and mentioned that she was super tired, we did not meet and I went on my way home. During that ride, I also maintained the 30kph speed.

By the time I reached home, I was dead tired and I struggled to carry my bike up to my home though it was light. It was a great feeling though but I will probably have to tell a dear brother-in-Christ that I may not be able to keep up with him this Saturday as I joined him on a 80km ride at a constant speed of 30kph. Stamina not there yet. Haha.

Anyway, so much for the training. I like cycling and talking to God at the same time. I did that last night as I shared with Him some burdens I have for a particular loved one whom I have not spoken for a while already. I basically asked God to take away all our differences, forgive each other for the hurts inflicted, understand each other's differing views on certain issues and see how we can support one another. It saddens my heart that we are at where we are now. I also told God I am willing to wait for that day when all will be resolved and reconciled. I know He will make it happen so long as my loved one and I are willing to put away our pride, our disappointments, frustrations, etc.

Though we do not interact like we used to, I still intercede for this individual daily. It is the only thing I can do for now. :)

On another topic now - since last month I have been going through a phase where I have to be careful in a decision that I am considering. This sharing will be vague as it is not time for me to go into the details yet. It will be something which I have to be careful especially in the area of handling the matter and also not to be a stumbling block to others especially my siblings-in-Christ.

There are a couple of things I want to do but I have to weigh my motives and sometimes it is a very fine line. That is why I pray daily that God gives me wisdom and also the discernment to know what I am doing.

So far I know where my stand is and I have accounted this to some closer siblings-in-Christ just so that they can bring me back should I go off-tangent. I have been reflecting and evaluating daily and this process is also teaching me how I can use the lessons learnt to counsel others in future who may be going through the same struggle.

Well, sorry to keep you people in suspense. I may or may not share this again. I will see how as the time passes by. :) All I ask is that I will glorify God in this. :)

Time to go.

Living With The Leaving

2011-10-17T11:21:00.003+08:00

I am trying to rush an article which I am to submit to my faculty by tomorrow. I am almost done but I am not satisfied with one portion. Anyway, I should be able to get it done just slightly after lunch time. I want to have it sent out by today so that tonight I can concentrate on my cycling training. Weather permits, that is.

Praise the Lord for the weekend which has just passed. Yesterday I participated in the World Hospice Day ride from Tan Tock Seng Hospital to East Coast Parkway Carpark F2. Prior to that I cycled to Marine Parade to link up with a dear friend who was riding, for the first time, a longer distance on the road. I thought I accompany her just to ensure that she was safe.

Well, praise God for His journey mercies upon my friend and I... and not forgetting the 300 over other cyclists. For the both of us, it was our first time riding with such a big group and we both concluded that it was just too congested. It was an experience though.

One thing I felt upon reflection of the event is that the focus was more on the cycling rather than on the work of the hospices. I thought it would have been more meaningful if we could have visited some of the patients and bring a little cheer to their lives. Probably that may move some to do volunteer work at the different hospices in Singapore.

Towards the end of the event, my friend and I left for lunch at the East Coast Lagoon hawker centre. We both had bak kut teh with pork knuckles and also tau pok. They were delicious. We chatted as we ate and it was another great time of catching up.

The ride home, after walking my friend back to her place, was torturous as I was pretty full and the weather was so hot and humid. Thank God I made it back alive. I had to hydrate myself along the way though.

A cold bath was so heavenly and the bed looked tempting but I had to resist a nap as I needed to rush to church to join the youths in the mission trip planning. I was very encouraged by their enthusiasm in brainstorming the activities together. It was just so heartening to see most of them did not lose steam even though we have not met for a month due to the examinations. I am so looking forward to serving the Lord and the Khmers in December. :)

Next was The All Blacks vs The Wallabies match of the Rugby World Cup semi-final 2. The former won! I cannot wait for next Sunday when they play against France, It should be a good game and I hope The All Blacks will win the trophy!

I was tired when the match ended but I wanted to do photography of the moon. Two dear brothers-in-Christ joined me for dinner at Ramen Champion in Iluma and then it was off to Marina Barrage but the moon rise was at 10.09pm. We decided to go to Singapore Swimming Club to bowl first in the meantime.

Well, the photography attempt was a failure. The moon was not round. We were on a pedestrian bridge which had vibrations when people walked past. The wind was strong and the lens kept swaying. None of the shots were clear enough. After a while we gave up.

Well, an eventful day I had.

Okie, back to my article. :)

An Enjoyable Day

2011-10-15T18:41:00.002+08:00

I woke up early this morning as I needed to go for a shooting practice as part of my reservist obligation. I almost forgot about this until an army buddy of mine reminded me. Praise God all went well and by about 10.30am, I was done.

I left for Marine Parade to meet a dear friend to pass her some items and also to re-assemble her cyclo-computer which measures speed and cadence. The last time I did it for her, I made a mistake and since both of us are going on a cycling campaign tomorrow to commemorate World Hospice Day, I thought I get them rectified.

Once that was done, I also helped her clean and lubricate the chains so that tomorrow's ride will be a smooth one.

We had lunch at my favourite Japanese joint - Sakuraya. It was a great time of catching up and getting to know one another as we chomped on the yummy sashimi and a couple of other dishes. While eating both of us concluded that we prefer the Sakuraya at West Coast but it has since closed down.

Next was to a bicycle shop along Race Course Road where my friend needed to get her road-bike's handle-bar and saddle adjusted. The boss of the shop, whom we both like, helped us with that. We also met some representatives from the Wilier group, Italy, who were there to negotiate some deals with the shop owner.

Well, thank God that everything has been settled. My friend gave me a lift home while she went on to meet her good friend for their weekly activities. Looking forward to riding with her tomorrow along with some other cycling buddies from the Charity Bike 'n' Blade group.

I came home and did some housework while I watched the Wales - France match of the Rugby World Cup Semi-Finals 1. Well, I was hoping for Wales to win but they lost by one point. The final score was 8 - 9.

I am going to sleep early tonight as I need to be up by 5.30am to meet my friend at 7.00am. I am riding to the East to meet her first before we head for Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I am so looking forward to it. :)

Well, enjoyed myself today. In the morning, I was burdened for someone but I committed that person to God. :)

Happy Birthday, Dad!

2011-10-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

Today is dad's 77th birthday. We had a simple celebration over dinner at a Japanese restaurant, named "Shin Yuu" located in Greenwood Avenue. Mum had a craving for Japanese food and since dad did not mind, all six of us (dad, mum, grandma, brother, sister-in-law and I) had a great time of feasting together.

I had my birthday celebration in the same restaurant and it was with a dear brother-in-Christ back in June. It would have been my third time there but the second one did not happen.

Anyway, in the late morning and whole afternoon, my parents and my uncle with another friend were in Johor for shopping and eating. I am glad they all had fun and I praise God for sustaining mum, who is physically weak, throughout.

Well, this morning after I prayed for dad, I wrote a short poem which I read to him over the dinner table. It read, "A God-blessed birthday to you, dad. The sacrifices you've made for me, I will always remember that. You watch me grow from a babe to an adult, your love for me is without a doubt. Our relationship as father and son have never been prefect but this is a reminder that our lives are works in progress. I'll praise God always for Georgie Chew, for giving me a unique father like you."

Dad and I have our differences but over these past few months, things have improved and I want to thank God for that. I feel that it is pointless to bicker over matters which are sometimes trivial but blown out of proportion. Instead I want to channel those energy to building relationships not just with dad but with everyone at home. There is still room for improvement and with God's help, I know our bond will be much closer in the near future.

We are supposed to celebrate dad's birthday yesterday as I have cell group meeting tonight but I decided that we should celebrate on the actual day itself. Cell group meetings fall every fortnightly but one's birthday comes only once a year. I guess missing one meeting is alright for the sake of family bonding.

I guess that is all.

Happy Birthday once again, dad!

Being Spiritually Inflated

2011-10-08T20:06:00.003+08:00

I was planning to go cycling alone this morning. Initially a dear friend was supposed to join me but she told me that it was quite unlikely that she could as she had to work late last night and she wanted to sleep in this morning.

Before I left, I messaged to fill her in that I was setting off and to my surprise, my friend replied and informed me that she was up and that she was going to join me. It was great to have a cycling partner.

Both of us were inspired to take up cycling when we volunteered at a Charity Bike 'n' Blade event in early September. When we came back, we went to check out road-bikes. She got hers first - a Specialised Roubaix. A while later I got mine - a Wilier Izoard XP. Through the recommendations and advice from other regular bikers, we bought them at quite a good deal. Praise the Lord!

This morning, we met at the end of Fort Road and from there we cycled all the way to Changi Village where we had a simple breakfast. We shared a table with this guy named Ming and he was a cyclist too and we talked about cycling. Wow! Not too difficult to guess that, right? Haha.

I wanted to visit this elderly lady who sells wanton (dumpling) noodles but her stall is closed today. I have known her since my army days and that was back in the 90s. Well, another day, I guess.

Anyway, my friend and I went on the Changi Coastal Road on our way back to East Coast Parkway. She has not been on the road because she was not too confident as yet and since I am riding with her today, we decided to do so. I stayed behind her to ensure that no vehicles came near her and thank God it was a pleasant one! In fact, riding on the road was much smoother than on the pavements of the Park Connectors.

Although a little tired, I am proud of my friend who made it to and fro! :)

We had a light lunch at Komalas and it was a great time of catching up and also knowing each other better since we only became friends last month. Praise God for her!

After walking my friend home, I cycled back. The sun was intense and the road was actually quite busy but thank God for His journey mercies!

I would like to share a lesson I learnt this morning when I was cycling from my place to Fort Road. Nearing the destination, I felt that the road was suddenly very bumpy. As I looked around, I suddenly noticed that my front tyre was flat. I went off the road onto a pavement and checked whether there was a puncture but I could not find any. As I observed further, I realised that the valve was loose and air was actually escaping through it. I took out the pump and started filling the tyre with air again. Thanks be to God, it was inflated fully and I was able to carry on.

The above experience can be an analogy to one's walk with God. Along the journey, some of us may have lost steam in our walk and our lives suddenly become very bumpy. The main reason could be that God is no more pre-eminent and something or someone else has taken His place. I have come to realise as I reflected on this is that the only way to get ourselves back on track is to have God injected into our lives again so that we can move on ahead! One other thing we have to note though - He cannot take second place in our lives.

Only by doing so will we know exactly what God's will is for our lives and also be aware of what pleases Him and what does not. This was my morning reflection while doing something I like. :)

That said, when I came back, I did some maintenance on my bike, followed by doing some housework by bathing my pets and also sweeping the floor and doing the laundry. At the end of it all, I was tired but I felt satisfied for an enjoyable day I had!

Oh yah! In the midst of doing all the above-mentioned, I was also watching the Rugby World Cup quarter-final matches: one was between Wales and Ireland which the former won; the other was England versus France and the latter won. I am so looking forward to tomorrow's one especially the match between The All Blacks and Argentina!

Well, I guess that is all. Time to rest and also to play the guitar... it has been a while since I touched it. :)

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:24-25

Cycling, Reading, Praying And Chatting!

2011-10-06T23:41:00.003+08:00

It has been a couple of days since I blogged. I thought this week would be freer for me since I am not helping out at a dear sister-in-Christ's office as she is away on a holiday with her hubby. As I sat down and looked at my schedules, I realised there are a couple of research which I need to do this week as they are due next Monday.

Well, thank God I managed to get most of them done. My fingers are basically numbed from all the typing and now as I close my eyes, all I see are words and more words. Looks like I am not used to all these since I have been away from work for a while but this is a good preparation for me as I look forward to going back on 2 January 2012. :)

Today has been filled with meetings - three in all. Two I had to chair as they come under my purview and one was a long one which I had to attend as it would involve my area of research. It does not help that when I woke up this morning, my thighs weighed like a ton of bricks. Haha. Thank God towards the evening, they are more relaxed and I am already looking forward to an evening of cycling tomorrow with a dear friend - weather permits, that is.

I felt the strain on my legs this morning as I cycled about 60km in total yesterday. 30km to and from my place and another 30km with three brothers-in-Christ from another church. We started from East Coast Parkway carpark F2 all the way to the end of Changi Beach and back to East Coast Parkway hawker centre where we had a drink together.

The ride along the coastal road alongside the runway of Changi Airport was long and straight but it was mentally challenging as the stretch felt like infinity. When you think you are reaching the end, the next thing you know you see another set of street lamps. Certain places were quite dark too, as warned by a dear friend, and one has to be careful especially in spotting a bend. It is quite strange that in the dark, a bend looks like a straight path so one had to be alert. One of my friends fell off his bike because of that. He had some superficial wounds on his arm but thank God he was alright generally.

Anyway, I spent some time with God at the Bedok jetty before I met up with the cycling gang. I basically read the Bible on my iPhone and prayed for a few matters and people. Though in my postings and generally in my blogs, I have been joyful and having fun doing the things I like but in my heart, I still have my burdens for certain people whom I cherish a lot. I also prayed about something which I hope one day will come to fruition but I told God also that it is alright if it does not. Well, He knows what is best for me and I shall trust Him to give me what is beneficial. :)

In my burdens for certain of my loved ones, I told God sometimes I do not know what to do. I am sometimes confused as to whether certain things I do or say will make matters worse. Then when I choose not to do anything about it, I also do not know whether these loved ones will think that I am holding a grudge against them which I am not.

Well, I will continue to keep praying and hope one day everything will fall in place. :)

Oh yah, before I headed home last night, I popped over my god-sis's place and had a chat with her elder sister. I am so happy that she is happily engaged and in the process of looking for a home. It is always a joy to see two individuals coming together and preparing to spend their lives in marriage. :) We did not chat for too long as it was very late and I needed to cycle home but it was a great time spent. Praise God for that!

Okie, I shall stop here. I need to really sleep now.

Good night all and have a great TGIF tomorrow! :)

“Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:4

So What If We Are Now Adults?

2011-10-02T23:31:00.002+08:00

I am actually very tired but I guess I shall blog a little before I sleep.

It has been a great weekend of workout. Yesterday was the first time I went riding on a longer distant - 47km in total. I rode to the east to link up with a dear brother-in-Christ, Timothy, and then it was off to East Coast Parkway and then to the Changi Coastal Road and back.

I really went by faith, asking God to protect me as I was travelling on the road most of the time. I was a little nervous as I have not done this for a while. Anyway, I told myself it is now or never so with all the courage I could muster, off I went!

The ride was very pleasant and I have to say I am very pleased with the bike. Though to me 47km was really a feat, I managed to do so with much ease as in I did not experience much of a pain to my thighs or other parts of my legs. I was also afraid that my butt would hurt but nope, nothing of that sort... thanks to the invention of biking shorts with the padding. :)

I started at around 4.00pm and got home at slightly part 10.00pm. It was not all the time that I cycled. We took pit-stops and also had dinner at East Coast Hawker Centre. Tim's wife, Val, joined us there by car and it was a feast. I wanted to eat my favourite wanton noodles which my sister and I used to eat regularly but it was closed yesterday. Sigh.

On my way back I messaged a few friends to see whether they were home as I was passing. I managed to get hold of two of them (who are a couple) and I popped by their place for a chat. It was a great time of catching up. :)

After I got home, it was maintenance time as I cleaned the bike and did my laundry. I was so exhausted after that. I slept pretty early as I had to be in church by 8.00am just now.

Today is the distribution of t-shirts for those who ordered in support of the Youth Ministry's mission team's fundraising effort. We were hoping that all would collect by today but apparently not. Looks like we have to set up the booth for another Sunday to give out the remaining ones.

Overall praise God for a great time in church!

In the evening I went for a run. There was an inertia to do so but I felt the need to do so and off I went on a 5km jog. I did not want to strain my knees so I took it slow and steady. It felt good after I reached the finishing point. :)

In the morning before I left for church, I took some time to pray for some people and matters I am burdened about. One thing I learnt is this - reaching adulthood does not mean that one can always tell right from wrong. The motive of the heart usually blurs the line. Have the humility to seek the godly counsel of others so that one's decision made is wise and informed.

We must not fall into the trap that once we become adults mean we know all. We are always learning and we must constantly seek the counsel of others who may guide us through certain phases of our lives. This will then show us whether the decisions we are about to make on certain matters are in accordance to will of God.

It is those times when we refused to seek counsel that we know certain decisions made are not right hence we did not want to listen to the right advice which others would give us.

Well, that is the danger of entering into adulthood thinking that we can do what we want and that no one can control us anymore. We can choose not to be accountable to others but eventually we have to be accountable to God Himself.

I am just burdened by the above-mentioned and it pains my heart that while trying to help some of these individuals that they still choose to go against what they already know or have been told about.

I can only keep praying whenever I am affected by this.

Anyway, I shall end here.

Have a blessed week ahead! :)

End-Point And The Process

2011-09-30T23:40:00.004+08:00

I just came back from cycling. A good two hours or so. From my place I went to Braddell Road and then to MacRitchie Reservoir where I spent some time by the dam area to reflect on some matters I have been burdened with throughout the second half of today. I also shared with God my concerns. In all I spent about 30 minutes there.

I decided to go home by backtracking the route I took earlier. I wanted to try another direction but looking at the time, I thought it was not that wise to do so. Perhaps another day.

In the morning, I was watching this video clip entitled "Beyond the Gates of Splendour." It was about the lives of 5 young missionaries who decided to go to Ecuador to reach out to the Acua tribe which was known to be very hostile and violent. One of the missionaries was Jim Elliot. To cut the story short, all 5 of them were killed by the tribesmen and their bodies were dumped into the river. It did not end there though. It also depicted how Jim Elliot's wife and few others decided to reach out to the same tribe and eventually many of the people turned their lives to Christ, even the killers of her husband and his four missionary-friends.

I know I am not doing any justice by summarising it this way. If you want to know more about it, you can go to YouTube and search the title of the clip as mentioned above.

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose” - Jim Elliot.

This quote has shown me what my life on earth is all about. Life is short, as we all know. Instead of always hoarding what we have, why not use some of these blessings to touch the lives of others? I have a dear friend who once shared with me, when I first got to know her, that she wants to give a portion of what she has to bless others. I was very encouraged by that!

I think doing the above-mentioned gives us more satisfaction in life than anything else in this world - hence the part on "to gain that which he cannot lose."

As I was reflecting on the story of Jim Elliot and his friends, I also learnt one more thing from them. These five men of God knew their end-point in life hence to them there is no fear going through the process.

If they had lived to tell their stories of their ministry in Ecuador, they would still meet God one day when they die of old age or illness. If they were to die while doing His work, which they did lose their lives, they still meet God.

That is why there are very few in this world who are willing to sacrifice so much, as would these men. Perhaps many of us are not sure of our end-point, hence we struggle a lot during the process.

The other lesson I learnt after receiving a sms from someone this afternoon is this - sometimes we fail to see the reason behind someone's action and hence we become too quick to fault that person. If we had sat down and reflected long enough, we would probably realize he or she had meant well all these while.

Yet another lesson which became a prayer for me - ‎"Lord, when I am far away from you and do not know whether certain decisions I need to make in life are pleasing and according to Your will, give me the humility to seek the godly counsel of others. Then give me the wisdom to decide and the courage to obey and do Your will and not mine. Amen."

The prayer above has reminded me that I must not put God to the test by doing something which I know may be against His will, as stated in the Bible, and then expect Him to right it, even though we know of the abundance of His grace. Yes, our walk with God may not always be close but during those times when we are unsure, we need to seek the godly counsel of others and then from there, help us make better decisions.

The above-mentioned is not meant to be holier-than-thou statements but they are some areas I am troubled about and felt the need to share here. I am also evaluating myself whether there are people whom I have misread their good intention because I am blinded by my selfish motives. I am also learning to seek the counsel of others when I am not sure of certain decisions which I may need to make at certain points of my life.

Well, my legs are aching but I feel good - in the cycling aspect where this is probably my first proper ride on my new bike over a longer distance; the time spent in reflection and prayer; and also coming home in one piece. :)

Good night and have a restful weekend ahead.

Nevermind The Inconveniences

2011-09-29T08:53:00.003+08:00

I have about an hour before back-to-back meetings commence. The morning meeting is not so bad but it is the afternoon one which I am a little nervous about as we are meeting an important person which I am not at liberty to mention here.

Well, I hope everything will end as scheduled. Tonight I have another gathering which I hope I do not have to rush for.

Yesterday has been an eventful day for me. Towards the evening, I had to come back home at a last-minute's notice as grandma was throwing her tantrums again. As there was no one home, I had no choice but to head back to ensure that she is fine.

She was sharing her frustrations that no one loves her and the usual stuff. At one point she was also crying. I just listened to her as I felt she needed a listening ear. After that I prayed with her.

Sometimes it can be frustrating and inconvenient when I have to deal with situations like the above-mentioned but I learnt yesterday that there is no point questioning thoughts like "Why is God or life being so unfair to me?" or "Why can't my loved ones be healthy and okay so that all these inconveniences will not happen?"

I know they are all valid questions and everyone has the right to ask them but all these are part and parcel of life. Growing old is a natural thing. Being sick can happen to anyone. I have learnt in the past few months that it is pointless to ask the "Whys" anymore as they are quite rhetorical. I guess it is better to focus on the "Hows."

This is where God comes into the picture and the one main thing I can do is to pray. Some may ask, "So what, after that?" Well, to me, usually after praying it will help me look at things in perspective and this will allow me to deal with matters at hand more rationally. It also takes away the frustrations or the disappointments. All these then help me to see that as much as grandma needs my help and it may cost me something, she is afterall my grandma and if I can make a difference in her life by just being there for her, then so be it - I will be there for her! Sometimes I feel that it is easier and faster in handling matters with this attitude.

I hope I make sense here. Anyway, I went out to catch a breather once mum and dad came home. I joined a couple of friends to The Boiler Room to listen to some nice music. After that we had dinner at Vivocity.

This was where another incident happened. While waiting for our food to arrive, we heard screaming from the escalator area which was not too far away from the restaurant we were in. I decided to go and investigate as a crowd was building up.

On one of the escalators I noticed an elderly couple. It was the man I took notice of as he was bleeding from the forehead. I quickly rushed to him and requested for tissue papers from the people around as I needed to stop the bleeding. Praise God for a young parent - he took out a big pack of tissues from under the stroller and I quickly used a thick chunk of it and pressed against the gash which was quite deep.

Soon the security guards came with first-aid boxes. Two nurses were in the vicinity and they took out the gauzes and I used them to cover the wound. One of them called the ambulance and another kind gentleman went to buy a bottle of mineral water so that the injured man can take sips of it.

We occasionally probed whether he was okay by asking whether he felt giddy or numb or whether he saw white spots when blinking. Thank God there was nothing of that sort.

The ambulance came. The police took down my particulars. After that I joined my friends again.

The police called me when I reached home to inform me that the man's gash has been stitched up and that he would be discharged that same day. Praise the Lord for that.

Apparently, the man tripped while coming down the escalator. He fell and hit his head against the sharp edges of the steps. He and his wife were carrying a lot of things and they were strewed all over.

Anyway, like I said, an eventful day but not the kind I would hope for. Haha.

I shall end here and prepare for the meeting. Looking forward to the day ahead! :)

Picking Oneself Up After Falling

2011-09-27T20:58:00.003+08:00

I am having some difficulty bending my right wrist as I kind of sprained it when I was learning to ride with my cycling shoes. I fell three times in all. All because I could not release the clips in time when I braked. The first one was okay. The second one I had bruise on my right knee. The third one I twisted my wrist a little and had a few small holes on my palm.

Well, I am getting the hang of it but I am definitely not ready to go on the road with that pair of shoes yet. I guess I will use my track-shoes for now.

I had wanted to cycle to East Coast Park but I changed my mind as I was held up by the servicing of my Polar watch and wear-link. It took longer than expected. A dear friend is cycling there now. Well, another day perhaps.

While waiting I decided to explore the different roads around Boon Tat Street. There are a lot of restaurants and eateries. I also found a couple of them serving Korean food. I shall one day try them.

Anyway, as I did not want to eat much... I basically had fruits at the hawker centre.

Thank God the technical staff at the service centre helped me expedite the process by allowing me to jump the queue on the waiting list. Very sweet of them. It is great to get the watch working again after they changed batteries on both the watch and wear-link. The charges were reasonable too.

Oh yah! I forgot to share about this security guard who was stationed at the Public Utilities Board Pump Station located at the end of this secluded road I was practicing my bike on. He saw me fell down a couple of times and he was there cheering me on to not give up. He said something in Mandarin which I think is this - "It's okay to fall down. Just pick yourself up and try again. You will be better after that."

I was encouraged by his words and it is true. It is okay to fall down because each time you pick yourself up, you are a much stronger individual. Pain is temporary but the lesson learnt is permanent. :)

Okay, I shall stop here. Praise God for protecting me against a more serious injury. :)

An Exciting Day Ahead!

2011-09-27T10:36:00.002+08:00

I just read a very long email sent by my dean. Though I only start teaching again in January 2012 he has already been updating me on some plans which are in the pipeline. He also suggested that I attend some of the major staff meeting so that I will not be so lost when I officially commence work in three months' time. This is scary but exciting. Haha.

This Thursday I am supposed to follow him for a meeting and since I am free that day I decided to go along and see how I may contribute to the discussion. Not use to wearing office wear after so long. I hope I will not sub-consciously wear a pair of bermudas and polo-tee to the meeting. ;)

Anyway, I am going cycling this evening... weather permits. My grandma made me laugh yesterday when she commented that my road bike is so "chio" (pretty or beautiful in the Hokkien dialect) that I should just leave it at home and not ride it. Her reason - it would be quite sad to dirty the bike. Hee.

I think she loves the colour as she kept telling me of my late grandpa' bicycle which was always black. She also gave instructions to Sasha, my doggy, to not go near the bike and have her loose fur stuck all over. Sasha understands and now there is this invisible wall where she would just stand at a distant. Such an understanding Silky Terrier I have there.

I have a couple of errands to run today - need to buy lubricants for my bike and perhaps also a jersey. I need to send my Polar watch and the wearlink for servicing as it has been a while since I used them. I also need to settle some banking matters. Lastly grocery-shopping as my fridge is almost empty! :)

Oh yah, this morning I woke up at around 6am but after sending out a message I went back to sleep. I only woke up around 9am and this is a first for as long as I can remember. I guess the past few days have been very exhausting but it was a good rest I had. Praise God!!!

My left eye feels weird. There seems to be a growth. It is better and less painful now but if the discomfort persists, I think I may have to pay the doctor a visit. I have to say that I have not been drinking as much fluids as I should. I am going to do that from today onwards.

Alritey, time to start ticking the "To-Do" list!

Have a blessed day everyone... whatever is left of it! :)

God Provides In All Ways!

2011-09-25T22:22:00.002+08:00

It has been a long and tiring day for me. I was with the Youth Ministry Mission Team the whole morning and early afternoon as they continued with their fundraising effort. It was more of collecting the money for the orders made last week than soliciting for more donations as we have met our target in just one Sunday. Praise the Lord!

When we closed the booth at around 1.30pm, I stayed back in church to tabulate and finalise the total order for the T-shirts. It was quite a headache as some members made some changes to their orders and some cancelled. Some still wanted to order as they liked the designs and we decided to accede to their requests.

The whole day I only had one proper meal as I was not too hungry in the morning and I had no time to go out of the church to buy lunch. I did have some keuh pie tees along the way but that was it.

Anyway, I am grateful to God for sustaining me through the day. I am now relieved that the orders for the tees have been made. One of the team members called the printers just now and they agreed to get everything done and delivered by Friday!!! Hallelujah!!! :)

I stayed a little longer to help two dear brothers-in-Christ sell some Cheeky Monkey products to a congregation using our church premise for an evening service. Cheeky Monkey is basically a social enterprise where they sell children's clothing in Cambodia and occasionally in Singapore.

After attending to the last customer and putting everything back into the car, it was off to dinner next. I was so hungry that I could eat a cow but in the end, I had chicken chop instead. Good enough to fill my empty tummy.

I wanted to come home and just rest but grandma told me her television broke down. It took me a while to try to fix it but I guess it is beyond hope. I shall go shop for one tomorrow as grandma cannot live a day without watching her favourite programmes. :)

Oh yah! I have finally bought my road bike. I have a few people to thank for in giving me pointers as to what to look for when choosing a bike and also the accessories - Albert Yeo, Steven Lim, Sean Goh and Timothy Yong. It was also fun shopping with a few dear friends at the various bike shops - Linda Woon, Valerie Tang and Timothy Yong.

I do not want to spiritualise the above-mentioned but I did ask God to give me a shop which can offer me a good deal. Thanks to Linda and Steven, I went to one last shop near Race Course Road and it was that one which sealed the deal as the boss, Ah Hui, offered me a good package.

I almost went to a shop in Siglap to get it as the assistant said his offer was the best. Well, I guess not and I am grateful I can save a couple of hundreds for the same bike I have been eyeing and not forgetting the accessories.

Ah Hui spent the whole day assembling the bike for me and when I went in the evening to collect it, he could have just handed the bike over to me and be on with it but he did not. He ensured that everything is in order before I left for home. That meant he had to close his shop later than usual and having his dinner late. Praise God for this wonderful gentleman. I will surely go back to him for future maintenance or purchases. :)

Anyway, it has been an eventful weekend. I also went to watch the All Blacks vs France. It was payback time and the All Blacks won the match by 37 - 17!!! The result kind of exorcised the defeat back in the World Cup 2007.

Alright! Time to stop and get some sleep.

Have a blessed week ahead and enjoy the adventures that will come our way! :)

Accepting Correction As Part of Life

2011-09-23T10:09:00.004+08:00

My colleague called me yesterday and we spoke for a while. She heard that I was teaching a class on Tuesday and asked how it was to be back. I told her I am already looking forward to it though it will still be a couple of months more.

As usual, we also talked about the down-side of our job especially in the area of one's teachability. In this age of the internet where information are readily available at the click of a few buttons, the younger generation thinks that they know all and better than others, even those who are older than them. Because of that mentality, they think that they do not need the counsel of others.

The above-mentioned reminded me of a quote a dear mentor gave me when I was once a young rebellious youth - "Andy, if you are not ready to accept rebuke/correction from others, you are not ready for life." When I first heard that, I thought it was a load of crap.

It was only at those points of my life when I fell badly that I realised all the information I have accumulated, thinking that they are enough to help me journey through life, are insufficient. The counsel of others, who have been through similar situations, are the most effective in moulding my character to be who I am today, though I have to remind myself that I am still "Work in Progress" no matter how old I am.

My colleague and I concluded that we must never give up on anyone. As for me, I will also pray for these individuals. It can be discouraging especially when my good intention has been misunderstood but the last thing I should do is to throw in the towel.

If those, who have tried to help me in my growing up years, had given up on me then, I think my life would have been very much different now. That is why I am always very grateful to God for providing these precious individuals to be part of my life. They will always hold a special place in my life forever and I welcome more of such friends as I continue in my life's adventure. :)

I also told my colleague this... people who have the guts to correct me are usually those who care enough to do so and these are individuals whom I would consider my true friends. These are the ones who will stick with me through thick and thin.

These are just some thoughts I gathered after the phone conversation. Yesterday evening I went to check out some brands of road-bikes and have short-listed a few which are within my budget and size. I may enquire another brand later in the day and after that I should be able to make an informed decision. :)

Alritey! Time to key off and get some work done.

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Proverbs 27:5

Tough Decisions

2011-09-22T09:38:00.003+08:00

This morning I brought grandma out for breakfast and then did some marketing with her. We had chee cheong fun and each a cup of coffee. I want to do this often with her because her memory is slowly fading away and there may come a time when she will just be an empty shell where she may not even know what is going on in her life.

I basically want her to know that she is still being loved no matter how bad her dementia may be. Sometimes it is frustrating when she starts to throw her tantrums but she is after all my grandma and I cannot because of these inconveniences cause me to give up on her.

To me she is the greatest grandma because she took care of me since I was a baby. Mum and dad had to work and she was the one who took pains to tend to my daily needs. Even at this present age, she still has my well-being in mind. Though I am able to support myself now as an adult, every morning before I leave the house, she will just hand me a $2 note and ask me to use it to buy something to eat. $2 may not mean much nowadays but to me it is a lot because it was given to me with love.

I also remembered when I was learning to walk, I had two bad falls and my forehead was cut deeply by the edge of the door frame and needed stitching. Then my parents' relationship with grandma was not good and they blamed her for pushing me down. She just took it in her stride and went on to babysit me.

Anyway, I always keep the $2 notes grandma gave me and at the end of each month I would put the money back in her favourite bag so that she can use it for herself. She will not know that it is me who put the money there because at this age and with the deteriorating condition of her dementia, she is unable to think so much.

I walked her home before I left for a dear sister-in-Christ's office. May God continue to bless grandma' life richly.

I just did my quiet time and spent some moments praying. I have made a decision on a matter which I have been considering about for the past few days. It was not an easy one but I still had to make that tough choice. Well, I will leave it as that and not share it here as it is private. All I can say is that it is for the sake of another party which makes me decide on the above-mentioned.

I guess that is all. I do not know how the day will be but I will look forward to the adventures ahead.

Repaying Their Love and Kindness

2011-09-20T19:55:00.003+08:00

One of those days when I have to help grandma locate her money which she has hidden all over her room. It is amazing how she can do that but it is very frustrating having to comb through every corner to find a $50 note her and a $10 note there. In all I have found more than $500. She can even keep two $50 notes in her trousers' pocket and it is hidden in a pile of other trousers she has. She used to keep the money in her favourite bag but lately the pattern seems to have changed.

I cannot deny that I was a little worked up because when she hides the cash and could not find them, she will then accuse me of not giving her her monthly allowance. Every time when I want to talk to her, I pray and ask God to give me the sensitivity of words used as it is really not something she is doing on purpose but more so her forgetfulness. I always ask God to help me not give up on her though it can be tiring at times. I am also trying to see what new method I can use to help her remember where she keeps her money.

Another person I am worried about is dad. Lately I noticed that his hands are trembling quite a bit. I suspect he is suffering from Parkinson's Disease. I want to send him for check-up but he always refuses to. I really do not know what to do with him. I will continue to persuade him. All I can do now is to pray that he will listen to my advice and at least see what the doctor says after the medical examination.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish God can take all these problems away from my loved ones but I guess all these are part and parcel of growing old. I guess my prayer should be more of asking Him to give me the patience, perseverance and understanding as I try my best to take care of the three old folks who took pains last time to care for me when I was young. I guess it is my turn to do so and repay their love and kindness.

Well, I am quite exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally today. I shall do some readings and perhaps take out my guitar to worship God and just give thanks in all circumstances. :)

For those reading my blog, please keep my family and I in prayer. Thank you.

Oh yah, I visited the elderly lady who collects cardboard while on my way home. I gave her a packet of tea. I am glad that she has a good collection today. I just pray that whoever buys from her the cardboard will not cheat her in any way.

I guess that is all.

Have a restful evening, everyone.

Back Teaching... Just For A Day

2011-09-20T10:35:00.003+08:00

I just reached home after covering a class for a colleague. It has been a while since I taught but I was looking forward to it. Now that I have done it, I have to admit that I miss teaching and I am already looking forward to starting work again on 2 January 2012. It is always a joy to interact with students and teaching kind of takes away the mundane of work as you get to talk to people all the time. Well, as much as I am eager to go back, I am also enjoying these last few months of break.

Some of my students were surprised to see me. They thought that I am back for good. I teased them that I am not ready to see them as yet especially on a daily basis. Haha. That's why I needed a long break after having taught for so many years, I added. :)

As I needed to rush home, I did not have time to meet some of them for lunch. Well, there will be many opportunities when I start work proper next year.

I reached campus early. I took the time to read God's Word and do some reflections. I will pen my thoughts down on my reflections when I am ready to. I have a few major decisions to consider and wonder whether what is the right thing to do. :)

It Has Always Been About Lives

2011-09-18T21:30:00.004+08:00

I just finished talking to a dear brother-in-Christ who called me to ask how I have been and also to pray for me. I am deeply encouraged by his thoughtfulness and initiative. I shared with him how things have been for me this week and also about the initial concern I have for the fundraising effort by the Youth Ministry Mission Team today.

I am grateful to God for allowing the above conversation to happen as I was quite discouraged the whole afternoon about whether it is worth the effort to give my time for others and in turn be misunderstood by one or two of them. All it takes is this minority because I sometimes asked myself where have I gone wrong when all these while I have meant well. Perhaps the method of approach used was wrong and if it is, I apologise and am willing to learn from it.

When I came home and while doing my laundry, I decided to speak to a friend whom I have known for years from a counselling course we attended together. I was just sharing with him about the above struggle. He said he gets that all the time but what matters is the person you are caring for. Ministry has always been about lives and he said that if my focus remains as that, then it is clear that setbacks faced along the way are secondary. They should not be totally ignored, of course, but to be used as reflections and evaluations as to how else we can be more effective in touching lives.

I will approach this struggle with prayer first and from there I will know what else to do.

Anyway, praise God for guiding the youths through their fundraising activity in church this morning. We have hit the target we need to raise and God is good to allow this to happen within a day. The drive was to be done over three weeks but looks like there is no need for that anymore. Hallelujah!

Well, it has been a bittersweet weekend.

Have a blessed week, everyone.

Unique Individuals We Are

2011-09-16T22:55:00.003+08:00

Praise God for today. I learnt a valuable lesson on friendship and it was a humbling experience. I guess I need to remind myself that I should not generalise friendship/relationship but to adapt accordingly with different friends because everyone is created uniquely. I just hope my ignorance in this area has not affected any of them but every mistake I make is a moulding experience. I just hope through this I can be a better friend to another. All I ask is for some grace and opportunities for me to learn and grow.

As much as I am asking for grace and opportunity from my friends, it is also my prayer that I will do likewise towards them. The past few months or so, I felt betrayed to a certain extent by a few individuals especially when I have put in so much time and effort in my relationship with them. I thought there was already an understanding between them and me but I guess not. It is painful sometimes but this is where we learn... of course not in the most ideal situation but nevertheless there were precious lessons to be brought home.

This is where I am reminded yet again that every day in life is about learning... I am not saying this because I have been a teacher all these while. :) Learning will only stop when I cease to exist anymore.

Anyway, I went to test-ride a road-bike with a dear friend. I like the feel of the bike but the only thing is the seat which I guess I will get use to eventually or to have it change to fit my butt better. Haha. Riding it over a short distance already gave me the kick and I guess this confirms this deep desire to want to go further with this sport/activity.

I headed for Parkway Parade on my own after that to check out some DVD players. Initially I wanted to grab a bite there but in the end I decided not to as I was not too hungry. After making some purchases, I took a bus to Old Airport Road Hawker Centre to buy a container of beancurd for grandma. I know she always likes the beancurd from there and since I was near, I thought I just swing by to get it.

I just finished hanging the laundry and I guess I will sleep soon.

Good night, all and have a restful and blessed weekend ahead. :)

It Has Always Been About Resting

2011-09-16T11:00:00.005+08:00

After having dinner (Thai food at City Plaza) and ice-cream (Ice Cream Chef along East Coast Road) with two dear siblings-in-Christ last night, I headed home feeling very tired. The night before I did not have the chance to sleep much as I was trying to solve the mystery of the missing address book in my iPhone 4.

This morning mum found it strange that I slept so early and asked whether I was okay. Haha. I teased her that I was very drunk and she got a little concerned. When I saw the worried expression on her face, I laughed and told her I was just tired. She then ordered Sasha, my Silky Terrier, to bite me. :)

Anyway, I woke up with the strong urge to check out some bicycles today and I will do so later with a friend. I am actually excited that I will be riding on a regular basis once I have acquired one.

Well, back to the tale of the missing address book, I was initially quite worried that I have lost more than 600 over contacts. Thank God my Mac Office Outlook still has a back-up of all the information. As I was afraid I may lose that set as well, I quickly did another back-up.

I got a help from a dear sister-in-Christ. All these while, I have been sync-ing the information on my Outlook but now I will have to bypass that and use the Address Book and iCal applications in my MacBook Pro.

Praise the Lord they are back in order. Initially I felt kind of handicap without my contacts and schedules.

Lately I have come across many friends who are feeling tired because of work and all. I am burdened for them though many would conclude this is part and parcel of life. As much as it is, I have always reminded myself and others that there is more to life than the mundane things we do daily.

I remembered this quote, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." Yes, it is true that the tough needs to get going during trying period but tough as we may be, we must admit that we are human too. Hence I decide to rephrase this quote - "When the going gets tough, it is not always the tough gets going but resting." Sometimes it is wiser to rest sufficiently so that we can get going again. In the long run, it is more sustainable and less frustrating.

An Enjoyable Cook-Out!

2011-09-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

Yesterday has been a long but enjoyable day. I cooked for my cell-group as part of an advance birthday celebration for my sister.

I basically prepared cheeses from The Netherlands and crackers as starters. The soup of the day was clam chowder. It was followed by the main course of baked crab and butter rice and salad. We ended with majority having a glass of Nespresso coffee and all having a piece of Red Velvet cake baked by a dear brother-in-Christ.

I was too tired and full to eat so I basically served my cell group members. Cooking is like that - throughout the day as you prepare, you will just munch as you go along and by the time the dishes are to be served, you are just too full and tired to eat. But like I said - I enjoyed every second of it. :)

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves. Praise the Lord for pulling me through. :)

Yesterday when I was just reflecting on certain areas of my life as I was preparing for the cook-out, I was reminded that those things in my life which do not come easy are cherished more. As I was talking to God about it, I confessed to Him that I have taken many things for granted and I prayed that He will teach me to count my blessings and to use them to bless others.

It is quite random that while cooking I had such thoughts but I will take it as a reminder.

The past few days I have been burdened with something which I felt I could have done better and more sensitively. I do not know whether it is too late to learn from this but I pray God will help me in this. It is vague but I shall leave it as that. A lesson learnt that I need to pace myself lest I become a stumbling block.

Anyway, I am still considering which road-bike to buy and also battling whether to get a new one or a second-hand model. I shall see how as I continue to consult those who have been in this sport for a while and also the various relevant websites.

I shall end. Good night, all.

Hard Knock, Literally!

2011-09-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

It has been a packed day. I had to conduct a workshop in the morning for a group of students who are interested in going to Cambodia to do some community work. It was more of a Q&A session with them but I started off by sharing how I got involved in the work of missions in Cambodia 10 years ago and what kept me on till now.

I basically emphasized on the importance of having a heart for the people. If you do not have that, it will just be going through the motion but if you do, then it is all about passion! The people whom you are reaching out to can tell. That is why when I first went to Cambodia, a young Khmer boy asked me whether I would be back again because he can tell who are the ones who are interested in his life and his people and who are not.

I hope this will stir in the hearts of the students that community work is not going to be a one-off involvement. It should be a continuous effort. It is emotionally draining. No doubt about that. But the result is always an encouraging one. So long as one life is touched, that is good enough!

After that, it was off to grocery-shopping. Preparing a four-course meal is perfect but also a lot of work but I am already looking forward to it. I will not share in details here until after the gathering is over. :)

I was at NEX buying all the ingredients but before I did that, I had to answer nature's call. While walking to the toilet, an emergency out-swinging door opened suddenly and slammed right smack on my forehead. There was a small gash and blood started to trickle down but I figured it was nothing serious to warrant a visit to the doctor. There is a slight swell now.

Looking back, seriously how coincident can it be that I had to be where I was and the door had to open at that point of time. Anyway, it was a freak accident. Just about 30 minutes ago, I had my bath after coming back from a night meeting... I totally forgot about the bruise on my forehead and when I towelled dry my head area, it rubbed against the wound and it bled again. Haha.

I guess I will have to be more careful tomorrow.

Well, I think in our journey, we need to get knocked once in a while to wake up our senses. Well, though mine was a literal one but it sure reminded me of the need to not take things for granted and be complacent about life.

I need to go chop some garlic now and soak them in olive oil for the salad that I am preparing.

Good night, everyone. Have a restful night and a great day tomorrow! :)

One Investment Worth Considering

2011-09-12T22:45:00.004+08:00

I am reminded today that there is no such thing as a loss when investing one's time in someone's life. If we can make a difference, why not? There is basically this satisfaction in seeing a smile on someone's face when you spend the time with that person.

Of course, there will be times when pain is involved as well... especially when that someone you are reaching out hurts you in return. The question is - why focus on the pain when you should focus on the process? Not all the time, there will be immediate effect in ministering to an individual. Some may take a while longer but the result is usually the same - a life being touched.

The above-mentioned is a follow-up on what I blogged yesterday. I was reflecting today on whether it was wrong for me to write those thoughts but I felt it was okay since it is something that I am struggling with now.

I was also reminded that when I was growing up, a few very caring siblings-in-Christ and a teacher did not give up on me. Who and what I am now is a result of their persistence in reaching out to a wayward child. If they had given up, I will probably not be a lecturer where now I am returning their kindness and love by investing my time in the lives of others - my students.

Another powerful tool which I have been using when ministering to lives is prayer. It reminds me that I am a medium for God to use me in touching another life. Initially I took the full load of caring for someone on my shoulders and there were many occasions when I felt discouraged when there were no results. There were also moments when I just wanted to throw in the towel and simply give up! But now, the load is no more on mine but Jesus'. It is definitely much easier in reaching out to others because now I know I have God by my side to help me.

Prayer also helps me to persevere and when there is no progress still, I will just pray and hope that in God's time, He will make all things beautiful.

Yesterday a parent who is worried for her child came to speak to me just outside the sanctuary of my church. She shared about her concerns especially when her child is now looking for an identity in this world. It is heartening to know that this mother loves her child so much that she is willing to share it with someone outside of the family just so that together we can reach out and touch the life of that young person.

I encouraged her to keep on praying while concurrently spending time with her child. I also assured her that some of the mentors in the Youth Ministry are also making an effort. As I was praying about this in the morning, I had peace in my heart that one day, that young life will be transformed and he, in return, will someday touch someone else when he becomes an adult and mentor to another.

I also remembered a dear friend sharing with me that she wants to help at a hospice but she feels she is not ready for it. I understand how she feels because it can be emotionally draining. I am praying for her daily that God will use her good intention eventually to touch a terminally-ill patient. Sometimes it is not about words of comfort but one's presence by their side which will make the dying leave this world peacefully.

If there is one investment worth considering, this is it! Investment of lives - good returns guaranteed!

What Am I To You?

2011-09-11T23:00:00.005+08:00

As much as I should pray against negative thoughts that come by once in a while, I also reflect on them and consider whether are they really negative or a fact. I should not just be denouncing them without giving due consideration.

Today a thought was in my mind constantly. It is about the feeling of being made use of. I know I should not suspect anyone having that motive but over time, you can tell whether it is or not. It is a sad feeling.

It is like when you are of use to that person, you mean anything and everything to him or her but when that value is no more, you are non-existent. Some may tell me, as a Christian, I should not think of a particular person that way... yes, I am trying not to but has that person ever spared a thought for me... the lousy feeling of being exploited?

I think it is a two-way thing. On my part, I should not entertain the thought and be bitter about it but the other party must also consider the way I feel.

Where am I going in sharing this? Well, I am going to approach the above-mentioned with love and I will continue to do that no matter how tough it may be. Only by showing that love, will it cover over a multitude of sins... that means nothing will affect me and I will continue to give as much as I can to my loved ones and friends.

I cannot just because I have a suspicion of someone who may have that motive to stop me from being a friend to him or her. Eventually God will convict the heart of the person and He will transform that life. My role is to continue to do what is right.

Before my retreat, I confess I harboured a lot of bitterness and grudge but not anymore. No point. It is not worth it. It is also not pleasing in the eyes of God and edifying to the people around me.

I cannot remember whether I have blogged about this but since this thought has been in my mind lately, I felt the need to share it. It is for me to evaluate whether I, myself, have made use of someone else. I confess I did and I pray God will change me in this area of my life.

Well, all these can affect relationships between both parties but that effect, I pray, should not cause the two parties to drift apart but instead be strengthened as they learn from their mistakes and follies.

This has been my prayer.

May God help us all and may we always cherish one another!

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

The Elderly Lady Who Eats Scraps

2011-09-10T14:55:00.004+08:00

Towards the late morning, I decided to go to Toa Payoh Lorong One to have my brunch. Actually it was not the food that lured me there but more so an elderly lady whom I bumped into a few months ago when I was there lunching at the hawker centre with some of the church staff.

I found her and like the last time I saw her, she was eating off the scraps left behind by a customer. This time she was finishing the leftovers of a plate of fried carrot cake. Not much left but she was eating them. Sigh.

I decided to get a plate of freshly fried ones for her. My observation about this lady is that she probably has a mental disability. No matter what she is suffering from, she is still a human and I was just wondering what can we do to help people like her.

Anyway, I placed the plate on the table. She stared at me blankly and started eating it. I also got her a cup of tea. As I walked away, I prayed for her and trust that God will provide for her daily needs through others who have compassion for her.

Usually after seeing a situation like this, I just do not have the heart to eat something extravagant. This basically reminded me to be contented with whatever food I get to eat daily because not everyone can enjoy that sort of luxury.

It also reminded me of a church member, who has passed on, who used to set aside an empty chair at the dining table in his home just so that when he comes home from work and sees a needy person, he would invite him or her to dine with the family. How many of us are willing to do the same?

I came home after that. I basically did some more housework. When I was done with that, I played with Sasha. She is exceptionally playful today. When I was reading the newspapers in the living room, she would sit on the papers. When I shoo-ed her away, she would gallop like a horse - running as far and as fast as she could. I managed to catch her at one point and just tickled her.

I just did some more research on road-bikes and was talking to a dear brother-in-Christ about it on FaceBook. I have another brother-in-Christ who is considering selling his bike but I need to know more about the specifications and price before I decide. Next week I may go check some out at the shops and then make a decision from there.

A fruitful Saturday so far. I do not know what I am to do next but I shall take it easy. :)

Before I go, should any of you decide to eat at Toa Payoh Lorong One hawker centre (the one which sells the famous handmade mini pows) and if you do see the elderly lady, buy her something to eat. Maybe have the food packed so that she can bring it with her wherever she goes.

It's A Privilege To Love

2011-09-09T21:40:00.004+08:00

I just finished doing housework. Eversince coming back from Brewertz after watching the All Blacks beat Tonga 41 -10, I have swept the floor, washed all the fans, ironed all the clothes and cleaned the toilets. Praise God for pulling me through all these.

After I washed up, grandma asked me to go into her room and we chatted for a while. She asked me a strange question as in whether she has been a burden to the family and whether her forgetfulness has inconvenient my parents and I.

I assured her that she has not been. I also told her that everyone loves her no matter how difficult things can be at times. I also told her that God loves her. She then made an interesting remark which showed me that all these months of affirming her rather than putting her down has worked amazingly.

She said she is grateful that she still has a family whom she can depend on. I smiled when she said that. I added another point for her to note - that above all else, she should be grateful to God for seeing her through each day. She agreed as she told me she has been praying every morning, afternoon, evening and night.

I am glad to hear all that! :)

Through this brief conversation, all I can say is this - it is always a privilege to love. It can never go wrong.

I could have scolded my grandma whenever her nonsense surfaces but it would not help her in any way. Instead she would feel lousy. I could have resented my parents whenever they quarrel but that would not solve the issue they are squabbling with. If I had shown my frustration, I would have been embroiled into that very situation I am trying to resolve. I could have ignored the elderly lady I met in the streets of The Haag in The Netherlands but there would be this niggling feeling that perhaps for that day, she might not have food or water to drink. Likewise for the cardboard aunty I met near my estate, if I have left her alone, she probably may not have a new umbrella to shelter her from the rain or the sun. I could have not bothered about the Cambodian boy who asked me whether I would come back the next year but in my heart I know he would have been disappointed if he had not seen me again.

The above list can go on and on and on. I am also not sharing all these to boast about what I have done. All I can testify is that the love shown to me by God and now the love I show to others has made a difference and impact.

It is definitely much better than bearing a grudge or a hatred or a resentment or a selfish thought. All these stifle us whereas the ability to love frees us to do more! :)

I am also glad that in the course of my life's journey, I have had the privilege to love some women whom I had considered being my life-partner. Though I have entered into one serious relationship only and though it did not work out in the end due to circumstances involving my kidney injury a few years ago, it was a joy to have shared my love with that person.

Well, I do not know whether I would ever have the honour to love another lady but having loved before has brought a lot of joy in my life. Along the way should there be another opportunity, then all praise to God for that. :)

I hope I make sense in what I have written so far. :)

I shall rest now and look forward to the weekend ahead.

A Day Of Fact-Finding

2011-09-08T22:49:00.003+08:00

It has been a long day but thanks be to God for seeing me through it.

I was zombified the whole morning as I could not sleep properly due to my neck again. It is difficult to sleep on my sides as my neck felt strained. As much as I could, I slept flat on my back and when I had to turn, I would do it slowly. I think I may have aggravated it when I did photography for the Charity Bike 'n' Blade but it was worth it because I enjoyed the event a lot.

I was just talking to a dear brother about it in the afternoon. I am glad there may be a possibility that the event may continue next year but it is not cast in stone yet. If it is, I told him I am willing to help in a bigger capacity. By the way, he is the chairperson of the charity drive.

I may also participate as a cyclist but that depends on how much training I will be putting in from now till then. Having spoken to a few bike enthusiasts, I am quite fixed on taking up this sport again. I guess before I do that, I should consult the doctor about my neck. I do not think it is going to be a big issue. :)

Another friend is also interested so both of us will be checking out some bikes next week.

I also spent a considerable part of the day thinking about something. I spoke to a dear sister and a dear brother about it so as to obtain their opinions. I know what are the steps to take in dealing with this. I just pray God will give me the wisdom and obedience to do what is pleasing in His sight and edifying to the people around me.

In the evening I had a dinner-meeting with two advisers of the Youth Ministry Mission Team. We needed to discuss and decide on some areas of the trip and after much deliberation, we managed to agree on what we are to do next. It is going to be exciting and I am already looking forward to the trip in December! :)

By the time we ended, I was dead tired. I wanted to do some grocery-shopping at NTUC but decided against it. I figured I can do it tomorrow.

I had to do my laundry first. In between I was messaging here and there.

Well, I guess that is all for today! Praise the Lord! :)

Praise God For A New Friend

2011-09-07T23:25:00.003+08:00

I came back not too long ago from a dinner appointment with a dear friend whom I got to know at the Charity Bike 'n' Blade event over the weekend. It was an impromptu meeting as it was only decided in the evening.

I was planning as to what to eat for dinner and I had cravings for the beef noodles in Marine Parade and the wanton noodles in East Coast Park. While my friend and I were corresponding over sms, she decided to check out some road-bikes along East Coast Road and I asked to go along with her as I was interested as well.

She picked me up at Bedok MRT Station and we had to rush to the shop as it was closing in about 15 minutes' time. We had a near-miss accident at a cross junction but thank God my friend managed to stop in time. I hope she was not too startled by the incident. :(

We could not try out the bicycles as the shop was about to close and my friend's car was parked temporarily along the road. She was also in her office-wear. I guess we will probably check it out again soon.

Anyway, we were both interested in cycling after last week's event. Mine was more a rekindling of interest as I used to cycle quite a bit when I was younger. Well, I am just considering whether this would be a long-term activity I would engage myself in. I shall see how. :)

We had dinner at Waraku Restaurant around Katong area and it was a great time of catching up with one another. Before we departed, we went to the NTUC supermarket in Marine Parade to buy a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread.

Praise God for a wonderful day! A long day awaits me tomorrow but looking forward to it already. :)

Be Responsible Please!

2011-09-07T14:43:00.005+08:00

--- Bao Bao when he was first rescued ---

--- Bao Bao six months later ---

This is Bao Bao, a 7-year Schnauzer. He was rescued by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals ("SPCA").

For as long as this dog existed, he has been placed outside the shop of a florist in the west. The leash to hold the dog was long enough only for him to stand and sit. His coat was matted and all its teeth were rotten. The skin was also infected.

On the day of the rescue, he was drenched by the rain and was almost drowned by a pool of rainwater. He was half-dead when found.

SPCA wanted to put the poor doggy to sleep but a kind lady decided to take him in. He recovered miraculously but has to have all its teeth removed due to the decay and a small section of one of the ears had to be removed due to an infection.

Though Bao Bao is a dog, he does not bark or could hardly know how to walk as his life-time here on earth was only about standing and sitting down.

The doggy is now under the care of a dear sister-in-Christ's mum who decided to take over the role as caregiver from the kind lady who initially took it in. This was done through Action for Singapore Dogs ("ASD").

From what I have been told, Bao Bao is always in a blur state, non-responsive and my heart just went out to him as I heard of his plight. Sigh.

This is to all those out there who are considering buying a pet - be it a fish or a hamster or a chinchilla or a rabbit or a dog or a bird. To you it may just be another animal but it has life so please treat it as you would a human. If you are not ready to take care of it and treat it as a part of your family, then I say do not even consider buying it!

I decided to blog about this as I want to send out a message stating that all things created by God is to be treated with much respect. We are to be good stewards, even to animals!

Faith + Prayer = Miracles!

2011-09-07T00:16:00.003+08:00

I am now waiting for the laundry to be done. While waiting, I thought I blog.

It has been a fruitful day. This morning I went for a run at the park... in fact it was more a jog as I did not want to aggravate my knees. I also did a couple of sit-ups... my abdomen and back are feeling a little sore now. My neck too. I was telling a dear friend that I may not be able to sleep well tonight as it is a little sore today.

Anyway, before I headed home I went to find the elderly lady whom I got to know the other day. I managed to find her pretty easily. She was collecting some boxes. I went over to say hi and she smiled and called me "Ah Di." I felt so young suddenly! Hee. :)

I asked her whether she would like to join me for breakfast and she quickly declined. I did not want to insist so as not to make her feel uneasy in any way. I went over to the coffee shop to buy some toast and a packet of tea for her. She kept thanking me and I told her to think nothing of it. I bade her farewell and went back home.

Oh yah! The new pair of Asics shoes are so comfortable to run in. I hope this will motivate me to exercise more. I am going easy though. :)

Before I showered I took out the new printer from the box and installed them. It took me a while to install the software as it was not compatible with the Mac OS X Lion. I had to call Epson Help-Line but the staff who spoke to me was not able to provide me the new ones as they are not released yet.

Anyway, I went around it and still managed to get the wireless printing configured. Now I am able to print without a cable and the quality of the photos was excellent!!! One of the best so far!

I spent the morning doing my devotion and also evaluating how my life has been since coming back from the retreat in The Netherlands. It will be a month tomorrow.

I want to praise God that I am able to release all my burdens to Him and let Him take over from where I left off. I cannot deny that I still think about some of the issues and people I am struggling with but since coming back, I have been praying and surrendering them to God. I have done all I can to reach out and I will still do so once in a while. Now I can only hope in Him and wait for that day to come when my prayers are answered. I must testify that it is prayer that has kept me going each day and making my life more optimistic. All I know is that my God will not fail me.

I was sharing with my dear friend whom I went to IKEA with that my kidneys were healed because so many people prayed for me. It may sound illogical but that is what faith is!

When faith is coupled with prayer, it becomes an explosive combination where no one can actually explain its sheer power! No science or medical explanation can dispute that fact! That is why there is such a word called "MIRACLE."

Anyway, I will write more on my evaluation in my future blogs.

Going to IKEA at 9.45pm was a first for me. My friend could only make it around that time because earlier in the evening she has to attend her yoga session and then have dinner with a friend. It was a good time to shop though as it was not crowded. The only thing is that out of the 4 items in my list, I could only get two as the other two were sold out.

Though the shopping time was short, I had a great time catching up with my dear friend.

Okie dokie, time to hang my laundry.

Mission Team's Answered Prayer

2011-09-05T23:55:00.003+08:00

I just had a talk with grandma in her room. Earlier she came to tell me that my parents and I want to kick her out of the house. I asked her when she heard about this and she said in the morning.

I probed further as to which part of the morning and she said around 9am. It was here that I concluded she was thinking negatively again as my parents were out of the house at around 7.30am and I was the only one home.

Grandma is acting strange today as she called me several times within an hour to ask me, first of all, to eat out as she would not be cooking. Then she called again to instruct me to call my parents to eat out too. A couple of minutes after, she rang again to say that she would be frying rice. In the last call she made, she asked whether the family would be eating in or out.

Anyway, I did not reprimand grandma for the above-mentioned. I prayed with her and also encouraged her to continue to think of something pleasant than always let negative thoughts enter her mind.

I left her to be on her own. I went on to do some stuff for the mission trip. Praise God for His provision. About two weeks ago, I spoke to one of the missionaries in Cambodia as to whether the team can stay in his hostel. He informed me that during that period when the team will be in Cambodia, the occupancy is full.

He assured me though that he will find an alternative accommodation for us. Then a call came in this morning to inform me that the above hostel has expanded their business as they have just bought another housing unit which is just a few doors away. Truly this is an answered prayer!

I informed the team about the good news and I am sure they will be all excited to meet up with my missionary-friend and his staff in the hostel. :)

Well, I shall end here as my eyes are already closing. I have been feeling sleepy throughout the day as I was awoken abruptly by my doggy. She jumped onto the bed at around 6.30am and started licking my face. She then climbed onto my tummy and laid there. Sigh. Since when have I become her bed? Maybe my tummy is too fleshy and comfy. Haha.

Anyway, good night, all! :)

Charity Bike 'n' Blade

2011-09-04T23:29:00.005+08:00

I was contemplating whether to do housework after coming back from a two-day expedition with about 100 cyclists from Singapore to Kota Tinggi and back to Singapore again. In the end, I decided to do so. It is a sooner or later matter so I might as well just finish them. This will then free me to do other stuff for the new week ahead.

I am very tired and burnt but it was all worth it as the whole cause of this event has raised more than half a million dollars for a hospital. I have taken about 800 photos but after throwing away all those which I do not like, I am left with about 500.

This is my first time doing a photography on such an event and I was excited! Though I had to wake up at 3.30am on the first day just so that I can be at West Coast Park by 5.00am, I was not complaining as I know God was going to do something great!

Something great He truly did - the whole event went smoothly and all cyclists and volunteers were safe when it came to a close at 3.00 this afternoon. By then I was already quite zombified as I had to wake up at 4.00am so that we could have breakfast at 5.30am before the second round of the expedition commenced at 7.00am.

Other than photography, I was also helping the other volunteers in serving drinks to the cyclists at different water-points as it was a gruelling 350km distant for them. We also gave out bananas to them for extra energy. Along the way, I ate a couple of them.

The organisers and volunteers were a fun lot of people. Though I only knew them yesterday, we were able to connect. I also got to know the other three photographers - Wei Yu, Wai Chung and Ashton. We talked about how we started to like photography and also what we do as a living. It was great to have known them. We even exchanged contacts to continue to keep in touch with one another.

I also got to know a new friend, Linda, who is a colleague of a dear brother-in-Christ in church. We talked quite a bit on missions and how we want to return a portion of what we have been blest with to others. I pray God will use this dear friend mightily as not many people hold that kind of desire in blessing others with what they have! Praise the Lord for her!

Oh yah!!! I had the bestest bak kut teh on our way to Kota Tinggi. The organisers were raving about it and it kind of raised my expectation. In the evening, I went over to one of the organisers' rooms to savour it and it was GOOD!!! On our way to the hotel, during the expedition, we bought three thermal pots worth of this yummilicious dish! Nothing was left at the end of it all!

It was sad when the event came to a close as I really enjoyed the time spent taking photos of the cyclists before, during and after their rides and also knowing the volunteers. I regretted I could not make it last year but I am thankful to God that I am able to this year, though I was roped in late to cover one of the photographers who could not make it.

After the certificates of participation and service were handed out to the cyclists and volunteers respectively, we departed our separate ways.

I was with Linda and another new friend I made, Wai. We decided to drive to Tebrau City in Johor Bahru to buy some stuff from Jusco. I bought mooncakes for grandma. After dropping Wai just before the Johor Immigration check-point, Linda and I headed back to Singapore. We continued our conversation from where we left off last night and it was a fruitful journey back.

Well, I am TIRED! I shall stop here.

Before I key off, I also had a great time of fellowship with my room-mate, Kenga, who is also from my church. We talked about the church and how we should play a part in serving God and His people and also the need to keep on praying for the pastors, leaders and members that we will all know what is the purpose of us being a church. I am glad to know of this brother who is also burdened for the church and we reminded each other to not cease interceding for her especially since God has helped us grow in the number of years we have been worshipping in this congregation.

Interestingly, both of us had considered leaving the church before but we decided to stay on to see how we can contribute in helping everyone grow in the Lord and to be a light in the community God has placed us in.

That is all, I guess.

Have a blessed week, everyone and good night! :)

Overcoming Stress and Mood Swings

2011-08-31T20:47:00.005+08:00

For those who read a recent blog I wrote on, "Overcoming Mood Swings," I have decided to take that off and re-write it.

As mentioned, lately I have been reading a book given to me by my god-sister entitled "My Voice... Overcoming... A Journey of Hope" by Chua Seng Lee. Two chapters on "Mood Swings" and "Stressed Out" struck me the most because the past one and a half years or so, they have been so much part of my life.

For those who are probably scratching your head and wondering, "Huh? Andy stressed out and moody? He is always smiling and laughing. How can it be?" Well, that is because I did not really show it except to some who are close to me. It is also something I regret doing because those who knew bore the brunt of my struggles and to a certain extent, it has now affected my relationship with them.

As much as I have been a Christian for the past 26 years and having been nurtured in the faith by many older siblings-in-Christ whom I respect and also being a leader in various ministries of the church, all these did not prepare me for the recent spates of incidents involving mainly my family and my direction in life.

Initially I struggled whether to write about this because I do not know whether people will see me differently but as I look back on why I started this blog-site, it was to share with others about my journey as a Christian. It involves the ups and downs of my life. Of course it is easier to share about the ups but if I want to paint a holistic picture of my life, then it has to also include the downs.

I have in fact blogged bits and pieces of my adventures but I guess I will account it fully here.

To start off, my family has not been the ideal one I was hoping for. Between my grandma and her parents, there were a lot of hatred. Then came my grandma and my parents where grudges and unforgiveness between them are plentiful. It leads on to my generation involving my brother and I where both of us are also fed-up at the way things are going on in the family.

Every now and then, we have to deal with the squabbles amongst mum, dad and grandma. Sadly instead of solving their differences, my brother and I also became involved in them.

The above-mentioned made everyone very high-strung. Mum and dad suffered stroke one after another. For mum, she had it twice. Thank God that they were not major ones but they have definitely affected their health. On top of that, they have diabetes and recently their abilities to hear have deteriorated.

All these caused my stress level to increase. It did not help that grandma was diagnosed with dementia. As much as I have been trying to trust God to bring healing to my parents and grandma and to help everyone cope well, the burdens overwhelmed me.

My mood began to swing badly - at home they were much more evident but in church, I tried to contain them. So many times I blasted at everyone at home - already knowing that two have a history of stroke and diabetes and one suffering from dementia, instead of helping one another, they found fault with each other.

The next two areas of my life also added to my stressed out lifestyle - one has to do with ministries where I was disappointed with the spiritual climate of the church; and the other was the failed plan to go into full-time ministry as a missionary because I am concerned for the physical welfare of the three elderly members of the family.

My health, in the process, got affected - I had stomach ulcers which I recently went for a surgery to rectify the problem. My chest has not been feeling that great. Though I went for a check-up but the doctors could not find any problem.

It did not help that my god-sister became my punching bag as I shared with her regularly about my woes. Sometimes she does not know how to help me and when she keeps quiet, I got angry and disappointed with her for not listening or being caring enough. Our brother-sister relationship has taken a knock because of this but I do not blame her for it... I have been the cause of this. She has all these while been there for me but I was not appreciative enough.

I also became very insecure about my life. Despite of my struggles, I still tried my best to be there for my loved ones. Sometimes I wish they knew what I have been trying to do for them. I am not God but with the limited wisdom and understanding, I still attempted to help them - to advise them and to pray for and with them even though there were several times when I just did not want to do so. I myself am crying out for help!

So when all these efforts failed, I just felt very useless!

To make matters worse, my relationship with some of my loved ones became strained. One keeps finding fault with me over everything. The other, we have not spoken much with each other for two months already. We were once so close but now we have become like strangers.

That was like the last straw. I became very bitter towards everyone and everything. Thrice I thought of just ending it all but by God's grace, I am still here.

I guess God knew I have reached my limits and He began to provide the appropriate people to help me: a dear couple invited me over to The Netherlands for a break. The retreat was the turning point. He also provided professional help through a brother-in-Christ who gave me guidance on how I should conduct my retreat and also for helping me avoid some pitfalls of being a caregiver and also warning me that I am on the brink of going into depression. God also brought some dear siblings-in-Christ to be listening ears to my struggles and also be my prayer warriors.

Through the counsels given to me by some of these dear siblings-in-Christ, I am trying to reach out to some of my loved ones who have distant themselves from me. As much as I am giving them space, I am also praying that God will one day restore our relationship. In small ways, I am trying to connect with them again.

I am also trying to handle matters calmly. At times when I cannot do so, I will just retreat as it is always damaging to deal with issues with a hot head. I used to expect answers to some of the questions I have from my loved ones but I have decided to leave them as they are.

You know, I cannot deny the fact that I am still hurting especially when I am given the cold treatment by some of those I love dearly. Sometimes I feel like I have become a nobody to that person. Sometimes it is as if I am non-existent to them anymore.

All these I have channeled to pray and hope that God will turn things around. I will keep pressing on but now it is not on my own but with God and a few siblings-in-Christ walking alongside me.

I have learnt one major lesson through all these - if I want to see a change in others, it has to start with me. Similarly, the Golden Rule applies here - "Do to others what you would have them do to you."

What made a difference through this journey is the need for God to always be in the picture of my life - praying to Him, reading His Word, praising Him even when it is tough and being still allow me to see things in perspective. The other important factor is the need to account my life to some of my spiritual family members so that they can offer a listening ear, provide counsel and also pray for me.

I do not know whether what I have shared so far makes sense. As for this segment of my life now, the above-mentioned is what I am experiencing. I am still learning. I still fail. I just pray I will be a better person for God and also to those around me.

I just hope those whom I have hurt and now with my desire to reconcile with them, to give me a chance to make a restitution. Do not fault me for life for a momentary mistake I have committed. Do not avoid me. If I can rewind time, I would not want to react negatively to the above struggles but since I cannot do that, I can only begin practice the lessons I have learnt in the present and the future and hopefully through this, my loved ones can see that I have truly been transformed by how God brought me through this episode of my life.

All I wanted to do all these while is to be there for everyone I love and to ensure that they are safe but in my shortcomings and being overwhelmed by so many issues that surfaced, I have hurt them in return.

For that, I am truly sorry.

To God be the glory!

I Have A Big God 2

2011-08-30T08:19:00.004+08:00

I have been having pretty bad headache since the accident. The doctor who saw me yesterday said that it is common for victims suffering from whiplash to experience the pounding effect on the head. The neck area is still stiff but much better than two nights ago.

I spent the whole afternoon in the hospital collecting my medications and then having to wait a long while for my turn to have my neck and spine areas examined. The outpatient clinic was exceptionally crowded. Perhaps it was the eve of a public holiday that the hospital is receiving a surge of patients.

After having a very late lunch and running some errands in the town area, I headed home. As usual I was hoping to rest but rest I did not get. Grandma and mum were at loggerheads again over an unusual ant-infestation in their rooms. They were spraying so much insecticides that when I entered the flat, I could hardly breathe in a pocket of fresh air.

I told them spraying itself does not help as we need to find the source of the attraction. In grandma's room, to my horror, she has a couple of bags of food items in boxes stashed beside her cupboard. Some of them are already decomposing. I asked her why keep all these stuff in her room and not the kitchen. No answers.

As for my parents' room, I know it is caused by dad because he eats stuff in the room. I could see crumps on the floor and all.

I reached a point where I had to gather the three old folks in the hall and explained to them the cause. Instead of thanking me, as usual, I was told off by dad that where he wants to eat his stuff it is his business. I prayed and asked God to help me exercise self-control. As for grandma and mum, I told them that solving matters with a hot head will not make them better. Mum then made the same old remarks that grandma is creating all these unnecessary problems. Grandma then said that she is better off dead.

After hearing all that from dad, mum and grandma, I just had to put my foot down and told them to listen to what they are saying. Three elderly members of the family, with a combined age of 230 years, behaving like a bunch of kids.

I told them I have been trying to reach out to everyone. I have been reacting to crises at home in a calm and controlled manner... always retreating myself when there is an issue because I do not want to regret my action for having said or done something which may hurt the other party involved. But what do I get in return? No effort whatsoever from them to make things better at home. I asked them why. I implored them to pray about what I have shared. After that, I went to throw away all the food items, sweep the floor and wash up.

The rest of the night, whatever that was left of it, I spent in the room.

I wanted to blog about the above-mentioned last night but I decided against it as I was flustered. In my cries to God when I spent some time in prayer and praise, I asked Him why are my loved ones behaving negatively towards me? They are either giving me the hostile treatment as if I have said something very unreasonable or they are giving me the cold treatment as if I am non-existent. I am like nothing to them!

I told God that I have been applying all the lessons I have learnt from my retreat and I have been controlling myself from saying and doing the wrong things to my grandma, dad, mum, brother and sister but everyone does not seem to consider my feelings. I have been reaching out to them but who is going to reach out to me?

I know I need to persevere. I know I need to keep on praying. I know I need to love. I know I need to forgive. I know this is a learning process. But I also know I am a HUMAN with FEELINGS! Sometimes I wonder whether they have forgotten that.

I was unable to sleep well. I woke up at around 5.30am and I decided to go for a walk. I did not talk to God but instead I decided to be still. I just needed His peace to be upon me. It was a good one-hour exercise and time spent with the only One who knows and understands me best.

I came home, ironed the clothes and washed up. Usually I would strike a conversation with everyone at home but I decided not to today. Perhaps I should just leave everyone alone for a while. Hopefully it will do them and me good.

I will not give up loving them. I will keep praying. I will continue to reach out. I have a big God beside me to keep me going.

I am not sure what to do for the day yet. I shall see how.

During the walk at the park, this thought came to mine about my loved ones - "Sometimes wanting to be a master over something, they became a slave to it instead." The words were as clear now as when I was walking and keeping quiet. Is it a warning? To all or to a specific person?

I shall ponder and seek God on this throughout the day.

I Have A Big God

2011-08-29T23:44:00.002+08:00

It has not been a good evening but I shall leave it as that for now.

A timely message came from a sister-in-Christ from the Youth Ministry Mission Team when she submitted a t-shirt design that has this quotation on it...

"Don't tell God you have a big problem; tell your problem you have a big God."

Neck is still stiff as it is confirmed I have a minor whiplash. Took a new course of medication for the chest pain... praise God I went to collect them as I needed to take some just now as I was experiencing some discomfort.

I shall stop here... going to spend some moments in prayer and praise.

Praise God For His Mercy Again

2011-08-28T23:57:00.005+08:00

Tonight I can sleep much better because first of all, I know I am still alive and secondly, I decided to just bathe all my pets though I am very drained physically.

I cannot thank God enough for saving me from serious injuries or death yet again. As I was so tired after the Youth Ministry's Mission Team preparation and having changed into a formal outfit at home, I decided to just close my eyes to rest while I was in the taxi to Orchard Hotel for the Methodist Missions Society's 20th Anniversary Banquet.

Along the Pan Island Expressway ("PIE") near Catholic Junior College, I was awoken abruptly when I could feel the taxi making a swerve suddenly. Before that there was a long honk! I knew it was going to hit the railings after mounting the kerb. It did scrape the whole left side of the cab but the driver was fast enough to swerve back onto the road.

All I knew when I opened my eyes was this Mercedes in front of the taxi. The car did not stop and drove on but the taxi driver and I managed to record down the number plate. After taking some pictures of the damages with his handphone camera, the taxi driver decided to go on with the journey as there was nothing he could do. He asked for my particulars and I readily gave him should there be an investigation being conducted at a later date.

My neck is still a little sore. If it is still bad tomorrow, I will probably go to the hospital's outpatient clinic to have it checked when I go there to collect some more medication for my chest pain.

Looks like I can never break my affiliation with hospitals. I thought I would be able to avoid them after my last surgery in early July. Anyway, thank God for His grace and mercy again.

I also want to praise Him for sustaining me through the day - being in church the whole day and after that to the banquet. I was very tired as I stayed up to watch the Presidential Election result. I am sad that the person I voted for did not win. Anyway, I woke up at 7.00am but as I was still tired, I laid in bed till 7.45am.

As much as there was an inertia, I told myself I needed to wake up as it is important to worship God with the rest of my brothers and sisters-in-Christ in church. Well, from then on, it was just persevering till now.

I have learnt one thing from the above-mentioned. If I know the next day I am to be in church to worship God and also being involved in ministries, then it is my responsibility and discipline to sleep early so that the next day I do not need to battle against tiredness. That would mean forgoing the urge to stay up watching events like the election results.

I was rebuked, in a sense, as it speaks a lot about my desire to worship God. If He is such a BIG deal in my life, then other big events around me will still be small compared to Him.

Well, I will start from next week onwards by making sure I have ample rest.

Alright, I cannot write further as my brains are not working well.

Have a blessed short week, everyone! Good night! :)

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” John 4:23-24

Prayer Helps One To Persevere

2011-08-27T16:35:00.002+08:00

This morning it rained again. When I was closing the windows in my room, the downpour reminded me of the elderly lady I met yesterday morning. I remembered her tattered umbrella and was wondering how she was doing. I quickly washed up, opened my storeroom and looked for a new umbrella. I found one golf umbrella. Though it was big but I thought she may find a way to tie it on her trolley and use it to shelter herself and the card-boards she collects.

Off I went to find her. She was not at the coffee shop. I asked the same helper I spoke to and he said he saw her earlier and asked me to head for the shop-houses further down the road. I did just that and after walking around, I finally found her.

She remembered me and smiled. I greeted her before passing her the umbrella and also a box of Swiss-roll which grandma bought. We had two boxes and I thought we can make do with one. I also gave her a packet of tea. She kept thanking me. I asked her whether she was going to vote. She said she does not know. I guess she has not done so for a while.

I am happy that she was not drenched like yesterday. Thank God for that. I am at least relieved to know that from today onwards, she would remain dry should there be future downpours. I prayed that God will provide for her needs daily. I also remembered in prayer the other elderly lady I bumped into along of the streets of The Hague in The Netherlands. I hope she is well too.

Anyway, I headed home as I needed to catch up with grandma about how she is doing after the conflict with my brother last evening. When I entered her room, she showed me a small box which contained some $50 notes in it. She was apologetic for accusing my brother and I for cheating her of the allowance. I told her it was alright. Apparently, last night after I left her room, she actually went to search her cupboard and it was there she found the small box.

Well, praise God for that too. I am beginning to see the results of how dealing with matters differently, as in peacefully and objectively, at home does make a difference. If I had done so with a hostile or heated attitude, I think things will always remain the same and relationships will always be strained.

Praying a lot also helps because allowing God to be a part of a situation helps me be assured that it will be fine after a while. Praying also keeps me in perspective and helps me to persevere especially during times when my loved ones do not respond to me.

I used to be very impatient, always expecting answers and responses from them but not anymore. I confess that sometimes I still have this weakness but dealing with it involving the element of prayer, helps me to let go and let God. It is painful when your loved ones are not responding to you but by praying, it allows me to give God the time and opportunity to speak to them. All I can do is hope that one day they will open up again.

Well, I came back not too long ago from voting. I am resting now. Chest feels a little weird again but I have taken the medication. I must remind myself to go to the hospital on Monday to get some more prescribed as the ones with me are running out. I am still puzzled as to why I have been feeling the discomfort lately. Never-ending ailments I have.

Other than that, it has been a pleasant day.

Just realised a long long day awaits me tomorrow - church in the morning, lunch with my cell group, missions preparation with the Youth Ministry Mission Team and then in the evening I have to host two tables at a thanksgiving dinner in Orchard Hotel. I am praying God will just sustain me.

He will. :)

Manipulation Of Weaknesses

2011-08-26T22:38:00.007+08:00

I was hoping to come home to rest but when I entered the flat, I knew something was not right as everyone was black-faced. In my heart, I prayed and asked God to give me the wisdom to deal with whatever had happened when I was out.

I asked mum and she told me grandma is being forgetful again. This time she accused my brother for not giving her the money cared off to him by her godson. I was with my brother when he gave it to her just before I left for The Netherlands.

Anyway, I went to grandma's room and spoke to her. She was not very reasonable. She even remarked that I was in cahoots with my brother. I did not want to let that affect me. Instead I told her to pray about what she just said and to search her heart whether that was a right statement to make.

I left the room, went to mine. I closed the door and took the time to pray.

My brother was apparently very angry to the point where he did not stay back for dinner and left. I spoke to him just about an hour ago and he was still fuming. I encouraged him to keep his cool as we all know about grandma's condition.

All these conflicts I have experienced with my loved ones sometimes make me wonder why the people whom we are closest with can sometimes also be our greatest 'enemies.' My conclusion is this - we are basically using each other's weaknesses to our advantages as a form of defense as well as offense. It is sad but true.

I used to do that as well and the damage can be substantial. Sometimes regretting it now may just be a little too late. The scary part about all these is that though one has realised the mistake and wants to make a restitution, the other party may now use this act of reconciliation to his or her advantage and manipulate it. Well, when that happens, there will basically be no end to conflicts - just like that of what my family has been experiencing all these years.

My prayers lately have been that of asking God to take away unclean thoughts which the devil may plant in my mind - things like taking revenge on those who hurt me before; showing the other party who is in control; having the "never-back-down" attitude; etc.

That is why I am trying to deal with matters differently with my loved ones now - first of all, asking myself what would Jesus do if he is in my shoes; secondly knowing who my real enemy is; thirdly, asking also what do I achieve from finding fault with others? (Will one party be the winner or both will be losers?); and lastly loving one another!

I shall end here and go read the remaining chapters of the book my sister gave me.

Happy voting for Singapore's President tomorrow! Have a restful weekend!

Good night, all!

Tea: $0.90, Noodles: $3.00, Hospitality Offered: Priceless

2011-08-26T13:28:00.005+08:00

This morning I had to go to MacPherson Post Office to collect a parcel which I ordered from the U.S.A.. It was actually delivered to my place yesterday morning. The postman thought no one was in and left a letter to notify me of the collection.

I used the word "thought" because my grandma was actually at home at that point of time but she was too afraid to open the door and speak to a stranger. As much as I am relieved to know that, I wish she could have received the package on my behalf so that I need not go all the way to the Post Office. :)

The collection was prompt but after that the bus rides to a dear sister-in-Christ's office in Paya Lebar area went haywire. Haha. First of all, I boarded the wrong bus which took me to Circuit Road and then to Ubi area. Then I alighted and went to the main road. This time I boarded the right bus but alighted at the wrong bus-stop which means I had to walk further.

The only consolation is that the weather was cool. If not I would have died of heat exhaustion. :)

I am so happy the delivery period of the parcel was shorter than expected. Praise God!

Anyway, it was raining when I walked from my home to the Post Office. It was a 15-minute stroll. Along the way, I saw an elderly lady seated at the edge of a coffee shop. She was drenched and with her is a very old trolley with a couple of cardboards on them. Her umbrella was also tattered. I have seen her once or twice whenever I go to that coffee shop to buy this Chinese delicacy which my family used to eat often. It is called the "wu xiang" - some fried stuff which you dip in this nice chilli sauce.

After walking past the place, I suddenly felt this prompting to turn back and buy for the lady a cup of hot tea. I did just that. I ordered the tea, walked to the aunty and offered it to her. She smiled and said "kum xia" ("thank you" in Hokkien). Then another prompting came to ask whether she was hungry. I did and she said it was okay.

I smiled, bade her farewell and walked away. I decided to ask one of the helpers of the coffee shop whether the lady needed food and he told me that she hardly eats unless she has some money from the sale of the cardboards. My heart just sank.

I decided to order a bowl of soup noodles which I know is nice because my sister and I have eaten it before. I brought it to the aunty and advised her to consume it while it was still hot. She smiled weakly and said another "kum xia." I left her alone to enjoy the food. As I walked away, she said "bye bye" and tears just rolled but I had to control myself.

Offering hospitality may mean sacrificing either some of our money or time but the satisfaction received is priceless! It is not meant to be done with the attitude of just feeling good or out of obligation but it is a platform to offer the grace of God to others. Who knows? Maybe one day some of them may even come to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

All praise to God for giving me this encounter. :)

It All Begins With Us

2011-08-25T22:08:00.003+08:00

"Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

The above was one of the late John F. Kennedy's famous quotations. I just heard it mentioned over the History Channel while I was hanging the laundry.

It then sparked in me to blog about it because last night, my cell group was talking about our church and how sometimes we can be unfriendly and oblivious to each other and newcomers alike.

We were studying about Prisca and Aquila offering hospitality to Paul and this led the group to ask ourselves whether the church, which we are all part of, is hospitable to those who enter into the compound and also whether members themselves are practicing hospitality towards each other.

We discussed the several reasons why we concluded that generally we are unfriendly or being inhospitable:-

1) The mentality of "I-am-sure-there-will-be-someone-else-to-do-it" or "there-is-a-hospitality-ministry-so-let-those-in-it-do-it."

2) The fear that after making friends with a visitor or a member, we are stuck forever with him or her.

3) The excuse of "we have no time" or "we are too busy."

4) The "holy" attitude of "I-am-in-church-to-worship-God-and-not-to-make-friends."

5) No sense of ownership in the church.

There may be other reasons.

When I was spending some time talking to God last night when I could not sleep so soon, this was one of my prayer items.

In the midst of praying, it occurred to me that if members in the church have entertained at least one of the above-mentioned, we have all then ceased to function as a church. Many of these are very self-centered thoughts. It goes against what Christ Himself was practicing and that is the "others-before-self" attitude.

The pre-believers will not be drawn to Jesus if the believers themselves are not drawn to Him in the first place and practicing what God has commanded them to do as a church. The generation of the future will be the same as those in the present and the past because we are not setting a good example for them to follow.

If I may expand the thought further, many times we blamed the pastors or the leaders or even God for how dead the church is or how ineffective the ministries are, etc. We then compare ourselves with other churches as in how they are thriving and all. Some are so unhappy and dissatisfied that they leave the church.

We are good at giving comments or making criticisms. We are good at church-hopping when things do not turn out the way we want it to be. But what we have failed to see is that every one in the church, both leaders and members alike, are part of that unit. When it fails, all fail. Why? Because every one has a part to play.

The church exists, first of all, for God's children to gather as a body to worship Him. The church also exists so that she can be a light to the people around. The church is not about the building. The church is about the people in it.

Are we doing our part? If we are not, we have no right to criticise others. When we see a problem in the church, ask ourselves whether we are contributing to that problem. If we are considering leaving the church, then next time we will leave again when the other church we are going to attend faces the same issues.

If everyone starts leaving, the problems will always remain. God is in all churches across the island of Singapore and beyond her shores. He is not in some. He is in all. If members and friends of the church can see that, we will remain and be the solution to those problems... by first going on our knees to pray and not opening our mouths to criticise.

We must also learn to see our time, our possession, our families, our work, etc, as God's and not ours. If that can be our attitude, then it is easier to offer hospitality to one another and our service to the church. That is selflessness! The word "selfishness" does not exist in the Christian vocabulary!

Now, back to John F. Kennedy's quotation... if I may just change some of the words, perhaps this quotation is applicable to the church as well...

"Ask not what the church can do for you - ask what you can do for the church." Or...

"Ask not what God can do for you - ask what you can do for God."

If every one can have this attitude about church, multitudes will be drawn to God! Countless lives will be ministered to!

There will be no issues of lack of hospitality or lack of people serving or people leaving the church. In fact there will be a new problem. The "Oh no! We have not enough space in the church to accommodate everyone!" issue. Now this kind of problem is good!

We want revival in the church? Let it start with us. It has happened in the past, it will happen again.

"Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:12-13

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:8-10

"... if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

On The Right Track!

2011-08-25T13:12:00.002+08:00

I just came back from lunch. I had wanted to eat Ramly burger at Geylang Serai but the stall that I usually go to is closed. I think they are only opened in the evening.

Anyway, I met my psychologist-friend for breakfast early this morning as that is the only time he was free. It was a good two-hour session with this dear brother-in-Christ as he listened to the account of my retreat and also the lessons I have learnt. I also submitted my journals to him. He is glad to see the positive progress and encouraged me to continue to press on. He said I am on the right track. Hallelujah!

I am glad to know that it is okay to be burdened for my loved ones but it has to come with the trust I place in God as well.

He told me not to be too troubled by their indifference at times because the joy is always in giving to my loved ones what God has placed in my heart for them. Despite of their unresponsiveness, my friend told me that inside them, they know I still love and care for them. It is just that sometimes their own struggles or pride or unwillingness to let go of something or being controlled by circumstances or persons are stopping them from responding.

Just as much as I want them to spare a thought for me, I have to also do likewise. That is why I have not stopped praying for my loved ones several times a day because I know that is the best I can do for now but it is also the most effective because my God is great and He will be there to walk with them. It may be one way because I will not always know whether there is progress in their lives but sometimes faith is just about that - to hope for something unseen but in my heart, I know God is at work always for the person/s I am praying for.

It is interesting to note that despite of the fact that I do not talk to some of my loved one as much as I would like to and sometimes feeling far away from them, through these few sessions I have with my friend, I am actually learning a lot about them. I guess sometimes it is in circumstances like this that I learn to cherish them more and to also not take them for granted. What I have been going through lately has caused me to see the uniqueness in them and I have never stopped giving thanks to God daily for blessing me this kinship. :)

I was feeling a little unwell last night after I came home from my cell group Bible study. My chest was tight. I basically took some medication, which now reminds me that I need to go buy more as they are running out. I wanted to sleep but could not as my mind was preoccupied with some thoughts. I just sat on my bed and prayed. After that I read a book which my sister gave me.

I was able to identify with some of the issues mentioned by the author whom I got to know through my sister. As the chapters were short, by the time I felt sleepy, I was already half-way through.

I shall stop here. I need to prepare some stuff for the mission trip.

To God be the glory! :)

Psalm 6:2-4

2011-08-24T23:14:00.006+08:00

"Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long? Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love." Psalm 6:2-4

Who Do You Choose To Listen?

2011-08-23T16:04:00.003+08:00

I am reading 2 Timothy 4:1-8 for my devotion today and the passage serves as a warning for me especially verses 3 and 4. I am alerted against men who will not put up with sound doctrine. They will turn away from the truth. They basically allow what their itching ears want to hear.

There were several times in my life when I know what I should be doing, based on the Word of God I have read, the countless sermons I have listened, and also the counsels I have received, but the problem is sometimes I still choose to go on my own way.

In doing so, there were a lot of inner strife and as much as I could, I would put up a front, pretending that I was ok but in me, there was a constant battle of whether to obey God or not. There would also be a sense of guilt. Now as I look back, I wonder why I had to put up with all that trouble when I could have, in the first place, just follow what God has taught me throughout my journey as a Christian. It would have been more joyful and peaceful.

Why waste the days or weeks or months or years trying to pursue something which I know is not pleasing in the eyes of God when I could have allowed Him to lead me right from the start? If I had chosen that path, my relationship with God and the people around me would have grown even deeper. I would have been a better testimony as well.

I am sharing the above-mentioned because I can see the difference between now and then in my family where for years I have chosen to deal with the issues my way than to let God lead me accordingly. Did I achieve anything based on that? Yes! The rift between my parents, grandma and brother became wider! I was more bitter! It even affected my relationship with people outside my family.

Was it worth it? NOT AT ALL!

Now that I am trying to follow the way God wants me to deal with situations at home, I am actually feeling less burdened, frustrated and bitter. In fact, I now welcome conflicts because I want to show the other party how I am dealing with them. I mean, if I want to see change, it has to start with me.

Though it sounds weird to be welcoming unpleasant things like conflicts, I know eventually there will be less of them because I am learning to deal with them the way God would want me to. Eventually others will also learn from me merely by the way I practice what I preach. When both parties do that, what used to be unpleasant will become pleasant, hatred will turn to love, frustration will turn to thanksgiving and burdens will turn to joy!

Well, the choice is up to us. There is always a reason why God gave us His Word. He knows us well enough to do so. To obey or not, that is the question.

"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." 2 Timothy 4:3-4

Hamster Found!!!

2011-08-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

Praise the Lord! My hamster was once lost but now found!!! I am really happy because I like this hamster a lot due to its interesting shade of grey. When I am at home I would look for it at all the corners of my home but to no avail. I even went out and walked from one end of the corridor to the other but no sign of it.

I was just checking some mails and at a glance I saw this tiny escapee crawling towards the hall area. I quickly caught it and put it back in the cage. It went to smell the other hamster first before taking a drink and now eating the food I just topped up. Usually the two hammies will fight for the food but the other one just let its lost-and-found friend eat whatever it can. :)

Sasha is happy too as it was jumping up and down wanting to look into the cage. I brought the cage down to the floor so that she can sniff her two friends. I feel a bit bad now because the whole day I have been accusing Sasha for eating up the missing hamster. I was all set to be a CSI tomorrow just to see whether her poo has fur in it. Haha. Thank God I am spared from that.

God has His interesting ways of letting things happen and allowing them to fall in place beautifully.

Yesterday I told myself I have to bathe the pets, sweep and mop the floor, iron the clothes, buy sugar for my Nespresso coffee and also a pair of new running shoes. I was planning to spread the To-Do list throughout the week but guess what? I did them all in a day!

Because I was abruptly awoken by dad to find the hamsters, I could not sleep anymore. The walk at the park with Sasha freshened me up. Since I could not sleep anymore, I started the housework from 6.30am onwards. I was planning to finish them by 9.00am as I needed to go to the office of a dear sister-in-Christ to help her but she decided to work at home today.

Now with the whole day free, other than spending part of it looking for the hamster, I went to Mustafa Centre to buy the sugar. Before that I went to Sushi Tei to have my sashimi salad as I had a sudden craving for it. I used to eat a lot of it with my sister. I also bought some groceries. After that I headed home. I even had some time to nap.

When I woke up, I decided to go to Queensway Shopping Centre to buy a new pair of running shoes. The soles of the old ones are ripping apart from the last brisk walk session I had. Since I have decided to exercise regularly, I need a new pair at least to motivate me to keep doing it! :)

I had an appointment with a dear sister-in-Christ for dinner. I have not seen her for a while. It was interesting how we decided to meet because it was not really planned in advance. It was last week when she downloaded this new app on her iPhone and I also did so just last Saturday. Then the app will search for all those in our contact lists which have it and automatically we can communicate with each other from there.

I saw her name on Saturday and she saw mine too on that same day. Prior to that, during a sermon or something, the preacher talked about this person whose name is Andy too. It then occurred to her that she has not caught up with me for a while. It was from all these that we messaged each other using the new app. Since we are both free today, we decided to meet!

I enjoyed the time of fellowship with her. It was truly very encouraging. Praise the Lord! We went on and on and the next thing we knew, it was more than two and a half hours of conversation already. We prayed before we left!

Well, though the day started unpleasantly with a little squabble with dad and the case of a missing hamster... it sure did not end the same way! That is how great a God I worship and serve. Hallelujah!

Good night, world! :)

Hamster Missing

2011-08-22T09:22:00.003+08:00

Not a good start to a new week. I was abruptly awoken by dad this morning at 5am informing me that the two hamsters have escaped. The door was not latched properly and during the night, I guess the two rodents decided to make a run for it.

I have found one but the lighter grey hammie is missing. This was not the end of the saga. Dad kept blaming grandma for this but I told him sometimes this kind of incident happens due to our carelessness. We just need to learn from this incident and that's it. Because of that he got angry and said some unkind words.

I was tired. My tummy is still a little cranky. My headache is not that bad but still there. I could have retaliated but I did not. I decided to bring Sasha for a walk at 5.30am and I just prayed along the way. I came back an hour later and since I could not sleep, I decided to do housework - bathed all the pets, swept and mopped the floor and cleaned all the toilets.

It was a good let-out of steam by doing the above-mentioned rather than engaged myself in unnecessary conflict with dad.

What I have learnt from the above incident is this - I can do whatever necessary to keep the unity of the family in place and minimise whatever issues which we always rake up in a conflict but the other party also needs to do his or her part.

This was what I prayed when I was walking in the park. It is discouraging that here I am trying to do what is right but others are not making an effort to do the same. How will our differences be ever resolved if so long as one party is not cooperative?

Anyway, I shall not dwell on this but to give thanks that it happened and now I just need to move on. :) I hope the hamster will come out from its hiding soon. The light grey one is just so cute.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31

I Am Still Alive!

2011-08-20T14:08:00.002+08:00

I had a close brush with death just now. I alighted from the bus and had already crossed one road. When I was walking to another, I was deep in thoughts about something that I did not notice that the pedestrian light was still red. I stepped onto the road and suddenly there was a screeching sound and a long honk from this car that jammed its brake right in front of me.

If the driver had not been alert, I would have been run down. Today will probably be my last day on earth.

Praise God for His mercy!

I was also absent-minded. I went to Sim Lim Square to buy a power adapter for a sister-in-Christ. After paying I walked down to the lowest level when I realised the adapter was a wrong one. I went up to have it changed and then came down again. As I was doing that, I suddenly recalled I needed to buy a camera accessory - the shop is located on the same level where I bought the adapter from. Up I went again only to be told that there was no stock. Haha. What an adventure.

Anyway, I am glad to be able to blog this. If not, I would probably be lying dead in the mortuary.

God is good.

An Adventurous But Memorable Seven Years!

2011-08-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

I spent the whole afternoon writing a report for the Missions Committee which I have been chairing for the past 7 years. Though it was seven pages long, I wrote them with much sadness as I will be relinquishing the responsibility to another sibling-in-Christ with effect from September 2011.

I requested to step down as I felt I needed to take a break from leadership for at least a year. Time really flies. I remembered when I was first approached by a dear brother-in-Christ, whom I respect a lot, to consider this area of service, I was hesitant.

First of all, I asked myself whether I was just merely filling up an empty position. I also found this leadership role very daunting because missions should be the heartbeat of the church and I did not know then whether I was up to it - as in to challenge not just the Missions Committee but the church to follow God's call to go and make disciples of all nations.

The very thought that came to mind was what happens if I cannot spur the church to obey the Great Commission. I mean it is not just an administrative role. It is a ministry for both the church and also the "unreached people group" whom we are reaching out to.

I prayed about it for a few weeks and I finally decided to serve God and His people by taking up the challenge. From one year of service, it led to the second, and then the third. It goes on and on and it has been seven years in all. There were ups and downs during this period but all in all, it has been a joyful seven years of service! Why? Because God was there to see all of us through!

I am going to miss the Committee members especially! 10 great siblings-in-Christ I have ever worked with. Like-minded, humble, diligent, committed, faithful, joyful, enthusiastic bunch! A very united group of God's servants! Praise the Lord for each and every one of them! They have been a great blessing to me.

Thank you, Park Ming, David, Violet, Lydia, Veronica, Esther, Norman, Anthony, Damein and Jared! Keep the missions flame burning in you. :)

I am also going to miss all the past mission teams from the Women's Society of Christian Service, Children's Ministry, Youth Ministry, Mandarin Service and a few of the small groups in my church... every one of them, who has answered to God's call, has made a great difference in standing in the gap between the living and the dead!

I am especially ministered by the children who have gone on mission trips. I remembered there were objections when I first mooted the idea of children going to Cambodia. After much prayer one team was sent and it was amazing how God could use these young lives to touch those they were in contact with. :)

I am thankful to God that not only the members in the Missions Committee are involved in the work of missions but these ministries and groups have also stepped up to empower the lives of the Khmer-Christians and also to reach out to those who have yet to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour! I am especially grateful to God that till date, about one quarter of the church have been or are still involved in the work of missions! Some have taken another step further by serving God as long-term missionaries - putting aside the comfort of their homes to work in the fields which are now ready for harvest!

As much as there are so much joy in serving God and His people, my heart goes out to some of these siblings-in-Christ who have once served in the work of missions but have fallen away or have distant themselves in their walk with God. My prayers will be with them regularly that one day the flame will be burning in them again. It will happen just as God has ministered to many in the missions fields! He will not miss out anyone. He will always open his hands to embrace those who run back to Him. Sometimes He even runs to them.

I am also going to miss those in Cambodia especially the youths and children whom I have known through these years of service. The reason why I have been serving in the Missions Ministry is always that one question this boy asked me on my first mission trip - "King Kong, will you be coming back again?" He asked that question because he hardly saw the same people coming back the following year and he wondered whether they cared for him.

That was when I committed myself to go every year (no matter how busy I may be) just so that I want this boy and others in Cambodia to know that I love and care for them. I praise God that this boy is now a young man. He is a disciple under one of the missionaries sent by my church. Hallelujah!

I will also miss some Khmers whom I have come to know as friends but have passed on because of common illnesses which could have been easily cured them if proper medical care had been administered... but due to the poor and expensive medical service, they were not able to afford the medication and check-up. I know all of them are now safe in the arms of Jesus. Life in heaven is definitely better than here on earth. I will see them one day, hopefully sooner than later.

What's next now that I will be taking a break from service? I guess I will use the next one year or so to be refreshed by God and also to enrich myself with the study of His Word by attending courses probably in other churches and also to visit their ministries to learn from them. I will also seek God as to what is His next step will be for me in ministry.

To God be the glory!

Thank You, Mama

2011-08-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

I just opened the fridge to have a drink and in it, I saw two plastic bags and one box of char-siews.

It then occurred to me that grandma actually prepared wanton noodles for me though this morning, before I left the house, she said she would not be cooking dinner. That is why I ate out with two dear siblings-in-Christ.

Yesterday when I arrived from The Netherlands, she did ask me what would I like to eat today and I told her the above dish. I even requested for more char-siews.

I guess in her forgetfulness, though she told me that she would not be preparing dinner, she bought the noodles, the char-siews, the vegetables and also the wantons when she went marketing.

As to why there are the two plastic bags and one box of char-siews, I think grandma's memory was jolted a couple of times which then made her buy one packet after the other, probably at different times of the day, because she recalled me requesting for more of it.

Despite of her dementia, she still loves and cares for me so much, even to the point of preparing the food I requested for, even though she initially asked me to eat out.

I went into the room to have a look at this dear grandma God has blest me with and my heart just went out to her. At 87, despite of her dementia, the pain she occasionally experiences on her knees, and not being able to go up the stairs as sturdy as before, she still goes marketing several times a day and cooks for the family who are all more able than she is. What more could I ask for?

Yet there were moments when I was not appreciative for all that she has sacrificed for me and the family. I guess I need to show my appreciation and love to her and all my other loved ones before it is too late.

I have decided to wake up earlier tomorrow morning, just so that I can cook for grandma and myself a bowl of wanton noodles each for breakfast to let her know that her effort has not gone to waste.

Thank you, mama! I love you!

A Mist We Are

2011-08-18T11:20:00.002+08:00

Early this morning, I went to visit my friend's wake. A couple of my other friends were there already as they kept vigil through the night so that the bereaved family could rest before the funeral tomorrow. I bought breakfast for all.

When I saw the casket, my friend looked as if he was just sleeping. I cannot believe he is gone. It was just a couple of months ago when we met. In fact, I just remembered he sms-ed me not too long ago, asking a couple of us to meet up when the Premier League season opens so that we can watch a Liverpool match at a pub in Clarke Quay. I am wearing a Liverpool jersey today in remembrance of Joseph.

His wife came down a while later and I spoke to her for a moment in private. His passing was sudden. On Sunday Joseph complained that he was not feeling too well after a tiff with his wife. He went to see the doctor and rested. The next morning, he just did not wake up from his sleep. He had a heart attack apparently.

His wife feels bad now that they had a quarrel and felt that she should have just given in. She also told me the family was planning a trip to Hong Kong in December and the tickets have been bought from a recent travel fair.

I stayed for about two hours before I left. While in the train, I was just reflecting on all the other things Joseph's wife shared with me which I do not see the need to do so here. What I was reminded is this - cherish your loved ones while they are alive. Tell them how much you love them and settle whatever disputes sooner than later because when they are gone, it would be too late for regrets.

Well, it is sad that I have to learn this lesson from a dead friend whom I got to know since army days.

I shall stop here and help a dear sister-in-Christ do some packing.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”" James 4:14-15

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21

Good Bye, My Friend

2011-08-17T23:34:00.002+08:00

I just received a call from a friend informing me that a friend of ours has passed away just two days ago. He was just one year younger than me. He left behind his wife, son and daughter. The cause of death was apparently a heart attack.

I met the family at the beginning of this year as he needed some advice on how I have been handling grandma's dementia condition as his dad is also suffering from that - just more advance. As would any care-giver, he was burdened. He was simply trying to help every one at home to cope.

A couple of years ago, I also helped him when he was planning for his wedding. I still can remember the occasion when he was proposing to his girlfriend then - he used flower petals and tea-lights to write the words, "Marry Me, Can?"

Now all these remain only as memories because my dear friend is no more with us.

Good bye, Joseph.

Finally Back Home

2011-08-17T21:53:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone.

It has been a long flight home from Amsterdam to Singapore with a stopover in Dubai. What kept me on was just the mere anticipation of being home to see and hear from my loved ones... but no one seemed excited. Just a "Oh! you are back? How? Enjoy your trip?" and after that everyone went on to do their stuff.

I was also looking forward to meeting my cell group for a time of Bible Study tonight as I timed my return to coincide with it. I also bought some foodstuff for them which I thought we could eat and fellowship at the same time... but when I touched down, I received a sms that it has been postponed because not all remembered and because of that either some did not do the materials given or did not bring them to work because they got the date wrong. Tonight's meeting is actually already a postponement from last week's as a couple of us were not in town.

If I had known about the postponement earlier, I might have extended my stay in Amsterdam by a few days. Now I just hope the foodstuff can be kept till next week... some were already melting in my suitcase.

Anyway, praise God at least the flight went smoothly and that I am able to be back home safely to see and hear from my loved ones.

After the immigration clearance at Changi Airport, I went to collect my stuff at the conveyor belt. I was a bit worried for one of the items I checked in as it was quite fragile but the staff in Amsterdam told me it should be fine if I checked it in as an odd-size item. They even pasted so many fragile stickers on them but when I saw the box moving towards me, it was dented and all. I was thankful though that the contents were okay when I examined them at home. Many of the stuff in my luggage was not in good shape too but it happens.

I just finished unpacking, did the laundry and also swept the floor.

After this I will go spend some time in prayer and praise. Not the kind of return I was expecting but nevermind, I shall just surrender everything to God and move on.

All I can day is this - I am back to the reality of life. At the retreat, I prayed for an ideal situation to happen hopefully when I come back. Perhaps it will not happen immediately. While hoping for things to get better, I guess I cannot be disappointed easily but to just practice what God has taught me in the past one week or so.

I shall key off now.

Good night.

A Time Of Refreshing Indeed!

2011-08-16T15:10:00.003+08:00

I did not really sleep much last night as I was busy packing. After that I was just spending some time praying - asking God to help me when I go back to Singapore. I would want to say "go back to the routines" but I shall try to see how I can break that and make life less mundane. I also allocated some time just praising God for all that He went through with me in my retreat - listening to me when I shared my heart out with Him (my hurts, fears, disappointments, frustrations, disillusionment, doubts, etc), allowing Him to speak to me by being still and also reading His Word, and also using people like George and Laurel to provide me counsel.

I am going home with mixed feelings - I am excited but at the same time, burdened. I desire to improve my relationship with my loved ones but a lot depends on whether they want to or not. I still sense a wall being built by some of them but I will not let that affect me. I guess I will persevere in this and hopefully time will show them my sincerity in building my relationship with them.

Yesterday and today my chest feels a little tight but the medication helps. Praise God for that.

I just had another round of yummy breakfast with Laurel and the family. George has left for work so he could not join us.

I am going to miss the four of them and truly I been ministered through their lives this past one week. May God continue to bless and keep them in everything they do and may their lives shine brightly as they serve God and His people here in The Netherlands.

Okie, I shall do some last-minute packing. I am trying to squeeze everything I bought into the little luggage I brought. It looks impossible. Though George lent me a small bag, I shall try to see whether I can make do without it. I think I am crazy to have overbought one particular item but they have been purchased and now I am praying for a miracle that my luggage will expand just a little more. Haha. What is left are my toiletry and the cables/chargers bags. :)

I am going to miss this place and the people but life must go on!

Thank God For Family And Friends!

2011-08-15T21:30:00.004+08:00

I am now in the cafe that I always come to do my reflection and also to have my drinks. I wanted to meet the friendly staff I got to know but they are not on their shifts today. This means I will not have the chance to see them again since I will be heading for the airport tomorrow in the late morning. Sigh. I wanted to have a photo taken with them.

Anyway, I will miss this place. Praise the Lord for providing me such a conducive environment to do my reflection once in a while. I am also going to miss the beach and the parks. It is always nice to go to these places when the weather is cool and dry. I do enjoy doing this in Singapore as well but after that I will be soaked in my own perspiration. No matter what, praise God for the opportunities in the past one week.

I am also going to miss the lady by the street begging for money. She probably has her reasons for doing this. Whether she could have tried looking for a job instead of begging, I shall not question. All I hope is that she was blest yesterday when I gave her the sandwich and coffee. I think I will give her some more food later since it would be my last time seeing her. I probably may not see her ever again but I hope God has answered my prayers in providing for her daily needs.

I will also be giving her a tract which I took from Trinity International Church. Yesterday's sermon ended with a challenge to be a witness for God wherever He sends us. The preacher also provided the tracts so that the congregation can use them in their offices and schools. I do not know why I took one then but now I guess it is meant for the elderly lady. I pray the words will minister to her.

My stay here in The Netherlands would not have been possible if not for George, Laurel, Ben and Isaac. I praise God for their hospitality and ministry to me. When I was asked by the couple to come over, I was hesitant but God made a way. Now that I am here, I have no regrets coming because God has taught me loads. I am learning to let Him take control of every area of my life. It is still a struggle but not as bad as two months ago.

The four dear siblings-in-Christ have shown me how a Christian family unit should function and I will put to practice what they have taught me - simply by their testimonies. I also cherish the counsel given to me in the struggles I am going through with my loved ones.

All I can say is that I will persevere. Things may not go the way I hope it to be now but in God's time, He will make all things beautiful. I have been reminded how important relationships with my loved ones are. I forgot about it when I was struggling with having to handle the pressures of life in the past one and half years and interestingly it has to do with my loved ones. It is time to change my attitude and love each one of them as God would and for who they are. It does not matter whether they acknowledge my love or not but I will continue to do so even at times when it hurts.

This is who Andy is and I will not let the views and suspicions/doubts of others stop me from loving unconditionally. God has given me grandma, mum, dad, my brother and also a god-sister so that I can begin practicing loving one another in this family unit first. I pray and hope to get that right before I love others outside my family.

In future if God so desires that I have a wife whom I can love and start my own family, then all praise to Him but for now, the above 5 individuals will be my family. My god-sister may not be my blood sister but she will always be regarded as my sister. Praise God for her!

That said, I am also going to miss Laurel's delicious food. I think I have put back on some of the kilos I lost after my surgery but I enjoyed every dish she made for the family and I.

Of course I will also miss the two boys - they can talk on and on and on. Praise God that they have been a constant entertainment for me. Hope the braces that they will be putting on today will not stop them from eating a cow each daily. Their big appetite amazes me!!!

Well, I think I shall stop here for now as I need to do another internet check-in for my flight now.

Looking Forward To Going Home

2011-08-15T15:41:00.003+08:00

I am in the train now to Amsterdam. I am visiting the Zaans Schans on my last full day in The Netherlands. Interestingly I am not feeling sad that I am leaving for home soon. I guess knowing that this is not really a holiday but a retreat, it does not give me that pressure that I need to visit as many tourist attractions as I should.

I hope I boarded the right train because there are so many stop-overs. I asked the locals and they said it is the right one so I shall trust them.

I am like a zombie now because I only had about three hours of proper sleep. Since I was tossing and turning on my bed, I decided to listen to some music. I guess my mind was very active as I was reflecting on a lot of things pertaining to what God has taught me and how I am going to apply them when I go back.

I do not want to commit the same mistakes as I did before. I am also praying for mending of relationships with my loved ones and do what is pleasing in God's sight and edifying to those close to my heart.

I am excited to see what God can do through the above desire I have but at the same time I am afraid that I may fail. Then again, I should not let that stop me from trying and trying. I also must remind myself constantly that I should not depend on my own strength and wisdom but to remember always that God is there to help me.

Well, I pray I will enjoy myself fully today. It is my one and only day that I am actually doing touring. I am sure I will have a great adventure going to places I have not been to.

I shall blog again when I am back to George and Laurel's home... that is if I do not get lost. :)

An Open Book

2011-08-15T03:40:00.006+08:00

This morning I received an anonymous note from someone who happened to chance upon my blog-site and commented on why am I sharing my life so publicly that others can read about it.

My answer to that question is this - my life is an open book. In fact my walk with God is not supposed to be private because I am no different from another person. We are like fellow pilgrims on the same journey. If we are all experiencing the same circumstances (be it pleasant or unpleasant) but at different times of our lives, then nothing is too private about it. What I am going through now, you may go through it some day and vice versa.

That said, why not then share our experiences and lessons with one another so that we can avoid the pitfalls of life? Of course one may choose not to subscribe fully to the lesson learnt from another but at least it gives us an idea as to how we can overcome that same circumstance. It may also serve as a warning to us if we are at certain crossroads of our lives where a major decision needs to be considered.

As a Christian, I blog about my adventures because I hope to testify of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness to others. When I fail at certain phases of my life, I share my struggles so that those reading my blogs and sharing the same faith as I am can pray for me. It does not stop there... I will continue to blog about the process and hopefully it will come to a point where I have successfully overcome that trial and in that, God's name will be praised.

I have no qualms in sharing this - it is also my desire that others may find God in their lives simply through reading my testimonies and hopefully through Him, they too will find hope in whatever they may be going through.

I had one feedback given to me a few years ago when I started blogging. It was a concern by that person and I appreciate his kind gesture. He said, "Andy, you are a prominent leader of the church, you should be careful in what you share about yourself on the blogsite."

I noted his point but my reply was this - I may be a leader but I am also a human. I fail occasionally, whether in the decisions I have to make in life or in my relationship with others. I also told him I do not want to paint an ideal picture of a leader who needs to be perfect all the time. It will not happen and it is also not a fact.

This is to allow future leaders to acknowledge that it is alright to fail at times. It also removes this mentality that leaders need to always be in tip-top condition. Of course it is ideal but it is just not possible all the time. In fact that leader may simply burn out, not because of the amount of responsibilities given to him or her but by trying very hard all the time to portray a perfect image.

That is just my views on the comment made. Others may see it differently and I have no issues about that.

I just finished playing a game of Pictionary with George and his family. It was the battle of the sexes and the guys won in the end.

I went to Trinity International Church this morning to worship God. The experience was like that of heaven except that it is here on earth. As the word, "International," suggests, there were people of different nationalities and languages coming together to worship God. There were Africans, Singaporeans, Americans, English, Dutch, etc. It was just a different experience.

After service, we went to a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown for lunch. We had dim sum. We ate so much that I was not able to have dinner. This is by far the heaviest meal I have consumed since my surgery.

When we were done with that, George and his family went back home while I stayed on in town. It was not to shop. I basically went to a small park near the Parliament House to speak with God about something. I felt better after that. I shall leave it as that.

I went to buy a sandwich and a cup of hot coffee. I gave them to an elderly lady whom I have come across several times in the past few days along one of the shopping alleys, begging for money. She could not speak English but I am glad she accepted the food and drink. She went to a quieter spot to have a sip or two of the coffee. I hope God will continue to provide for her daily needs.

After that I headed back to George and Laurel's home to do some reading. I napped shortly after.

Well, tomorrow is officially my last full day in The Netherlands. I will fly off on Tuesday afternoon and will arrive in Singapore on Wednesday afternoon. I praise God for allowing me to come on this trip. He has taught me much in the 5-day retreat I had and I pray He will guide me as I put to practice what I have learnt when I go back to the reality of life in Singapore. Though I did not get to shop and tour much, those were not my objective in the first place and I do not feel that it was a loss not doing so.

I would like to key off by saying that life is still not bad even though my journey lately has been on the low. It is picking up. These couple of weeks, I am learning and adapting. Painful but hopefully this is enough for me to be a blessing again to God and others especially my loved ones.

To Him be the glory!

Have a blessed week, everyone.

My Day Five Reflection

2011-08-13T23:32:00.006+08:00

A cold and wet weather marks the end of my Five-Day Retreat with God. As I went through each day of reflection focusing on different areas or people in my life, the time spent with God was good. He knows my every thought so no matter what I write in the journal, there is no point kidding Him. I just had to come clean with Him and also with my two dear siblings-in-Christ here in The Haag.

Tears were shed - during my sharing with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ. I even broke down writing my thoughts while in the train to Amsterdam. It was embarrassing as there was this lady sitting directly in front of me and suddenly this Chinese man opposite her started having watery eyes and sniffing. Yesterday when I was by the beach sitting on the longest breakwater I have ever come across, I just let my heart out to God.

Knees were bowed - in the privacy of the room seeking for God's forgiveness for my waywardness in the past 1 1/2 years and also in being a stumbling block to grandma, parents, brother, sister and also some friends.

I told God I have had enough of living such a lifestyle and I want a breakthrough, a transformation. He has always been there but I have never fully tapped on the power of God to pull me through my struggles. I want to do that right now.

Romans 8 is the passage for my reflection today and it was a timely message for me. I want to live my life through the Holy Spirit because I want my mind set on what the Spirit desires (Rom 8:5).

My life has revolved around prayer the past one month or so. I have tried all I could in dealing with the struggles I am experiencing and I have been at my wit's end. The only channel which is still opened is prayer and I will do so continually. Sometimes I have been praying for my loved ones till I do not know how else to pray and this is where I have been asking the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf. It is comforting to know this because then the prayer does not cease even when I have exhausted all the areas I could think of (Romans 8:26-27).

I shall side-track here for a while - the sun is out! Nice to see that through the windows in my room. :)

The past two months, I have been down to my pits. Many times I do not know what else to do and there were occasions when I felt so hopeless but Romans 8:28 reminded me that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." I hope I am called according to God's purpose. I am also reminded of my identity in Him that I am more than conquerors, as stated in Romans 8:37 - "that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, my Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

As I kept still before God just now, a realisation came to mind that now I am living with the desires to do what God has prompted me throughout these five days of retreat but what happens when I go back to the reality of life? I am away from where my struggles are. I am here in The Netherlands now. What will happen when I go back to Singapore where I have to continue taking care of grandma and parents, handle their occasion squabbles, deal with certain broken relationships I am experiencing, and having to go through my own life. I know it is not going to be easy but with what I have learnt, I know I am able to handle every of these areas more positively and even if I fall occasionally, so be it. I am still a conqueror and God will help me through eventually. Well, I guess my future blogs should be able to reveal whether I am able to handle things differently especially in a manner pleasing to God and edifying to the people involved.

Well, I will keep the prayer journal which my sister gave me closed to my heart because in it are precious lessons I have learnt in my different encounters with God during this 5-day retreat. I will continue to jot my thoughts down occasionally and may God continue to reveal to me more precious lessons I can learn in the course of my pilgrim's progress.

While I was worshipping God, the words of a song have convicted me and it will be my song of prayer from here onwards...

WHEN IT'S ALL BEEN SAID AND DONE

When it's all been said and done,
there is just one thing that matters -
did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

When it's all been said and done,
all my treasures will mean nothing -
only what I have done
for love's rewards
will stand the test of time.

Lord, your mercy is so great -
that you look beyond our weakness;
that you found purest gold in miry clay,
turning sinners into saints.

I will always sing your praise
here on earth and in heaven after -
for you've joined me at my true home
when it's all been said and done.
You're my life when life is gone...

Amen.

I shall end here. It is almost dinner time. I think I shall not go for the Firework Festival as it will end late and I have a church service to attend in the morning.

To God be the glory!

My Day Four Reflection

2011-08-13T13:28:00.004+08:00

I decided to take a longer time to consider what and how I should blog about my Day Four Reflection which I did yesterday. I do not know whether I should conclude that this reflection is the hardest but no matter what I was very honest with God about what I am going through now and how I have been feeling lately with regards to the focus of the day which I will not say. Sorry about being vague here.

Other than the struggles I have been facing with my family and also my life, it has taken an effect on me with regards to the way I have been carrying myself as a brother to another.

To sum it up, I have been a stumbling block. I regret it now but the damage has been done. Throughout the session with God yesterday, I asked Him to bring healing, reconciliation and restoration to this broken relationship. I pray the person affected will give me a chance to learn from this episode of my life which I can frankly say I have never and would never wish to experience.

As I was answering some very difficult questions, here are the lessons I have learnt about relationship with another:-

1) My walk with the Lord plays a big role in maintaining a healthy relationship;
2) I must not take another for granted;
3) I must not be too protective;
4) I must not be insensitive;
5) I should not have placed too high of an expectation on the other party;
6) I should always focus on the strengths of the person. Affirmation to another is always better than being judgmental or critical;
7) There must be trust (other than love which is the heartbeat of any relationship).

I wish I could have been more mindful of the above-mentioned sooner than later. Point number 6 helped me see the beauty of that individual. I was asked to write down all the pleasant and unpleasant things of that person. Well, for the former, there were 5 pages loads of it; and for the latter, less than a page. But the sad part in many relationships is that we focus on the unpleasant.

There came a point in my reflection by the beach of Scheveningen where I asked God whether it is all my fault. I mean, it takes two hands to clap, right? As I kept still and pondered, all I can say is this - it does not matter. So what if I know the other party is at fault too, does it make me feel better? It does not because it has already happened. What matters, as I have mentioned in my previous blog, is what am I going to do from here? Past is always past. I can learn from it but I must not let regrets stop me from moving ahead.

These past two months or so, I have not been able to be me as I do not know how I should carry myself in the presence of the person but I need to overcome this. I have to continue to be Andy Chew (the pleasant part of me, that is). I also need to stop being apologetic. I have already sought forgiveness - whether I have been forgiven fully is now up to the other party. As for me, I must move on and keep praying that the person will forgive me 100% and that one day the relationship will be rebuilt!

All of the above-mentioned sound as if it is so easy for me to pen my thoughts but it is not. I have struggled and wrestled with God on this for the past two months. So much tears have been shed. Constant accusations from the evil one which made me doubt about myself several times. The constant pain I feel in my heart (a friend once told me the chest pain I have been experiencing may be due to this struggle).

I wish I can be more precise and detailed in this blog but I should not. I hope I made sense so far amidst the vagueness.

Well, I have been praying about this several times a day and will continue to do so. I long for the day when my fellowship with the other party will be fully restored. It may take weeks, months or years but I will look forward to it. This dear individual means a lot to me.

Other than my reflection, I went back to join George and his family to celebrate Laurel's mum's birthday. She arrived from India yesterday with Laurel's cousin. We had chicken briyani and chocolate cake baked by George and Laurel's two sons, Ben and Isaac.

After that it was off to the Fireworks Festival. I did not get much nice shots as it was too smokey. Maybe tonight's will be nicer.

We came home just before midnight and I have not had much sleep - probably just three hours or so.

Today is the last day of my reflection. Looking forward to it already. :)

Have a restful weekend, everyone.

My Day Three Reflection

2011-08-12T00:21:00.004+08:00

I just realised all my blogs written here in The Netherlands are in Singapore time because I did not change the settings on my MacBook Pro. If you are confused with the time of my postings, ignore them. Sorry about it.

I am blogging now in the same cafe which I have been at for the past two days. I have already made a couple of friends here because they kept seeing me. :) I ordered orange and banana juice this time round. There were a few glasses already made but they chose to do a fresh one for me. Praise the Lord for them.

I have just completed my reflection for the day and today is on my family. The questions posed to me were thought-provoking. There was a point when I was answering a question on what are the strengths of my parents, grandma and brother, tears began to well up as I jotted them down. What really hit me was this - all these while I have been focusing on their weaknesses and because of that, I harboured grudge and hatred and I was also angry with them. It just made my living with them very difficult.

Because this retreat forces me to really ponder on the questions and challenges me to answer them as honestly as possible, it opened my eyes to the strengths I have never thought of in the lives of my family members. It helps me to see them in a new light.

The hardest question was this - "What are some physical and/or emotional hurts that your family members have inflicted on you?

I will not share them here as I do not see the need to but there was a breakthrough as I recorded every hurt I can remember from the time I was a boy to now, a 39-year old man. It was painful as I tried to recall them. As I spent some time in quiet after feeling very exhausted answering just this one question, God revealed in me that all this while, though I am in the current year of 2011, I have actually been living in the past especially during the period when I was at my most rebellious, which was also the time when I was abused the most, both physically and emotionally.

I was challenged to leave that behind. What is past is past. What matters is the present! This bondage must be broken and I told the Lord I want it gone.

The things I mentioned above are not really that new because God has been revealing bit by bit what I need to do in the past few weeks. All these have reinforced the need for me to focus on the strengths of my family and to live in the present and make right what was wrong in the past. That is why the past three weeks or so, I have made it a point to be careful in the way I react to situations at home. I want myself and the family to know that we can deal with matters differently... with the help of the Lord.

Then came another tough question which only applies to my family since we are Christians. The question was - "Do you desire for your brother to know Jesus as his personal Lord and Saviour? If yes, how can you and your family lead him to the saving grace of Jesus Christ?

I reflected on this when I was on a river cruise in Amsterdam and below are some things that my parents, grandma and I need to do:-

1) We need to get our fundamentals right.

Though the four of us are Christians, we hardly behave like Christians at home. I am praying and hoping that when I go back to Singapore, I will encourage my parents and grandma to join me in regular prayer and Bible-study sessions. I also desire for us to fellowship regularly so that the time spent can be used to build each other up by sharing our joys and woes with one another. I am not going to jump into doing too many at one go but if I can get the four of us to just come and pray together, that is already a good start. I have been doing with them individually. I shall see whether they are now comfortable to do it as a family.

2) We need to repent from our sins and learn to overcome our weaknesses/shortcomings.

I hope as we begin to pray with and for one another, God will also open our eyes to the sins we have been committing as a family and also the weaknesses/shortcomings in each of us. Only through repentance will we be able to move on and be transformed. Of course it will not happen overnight but I am beginning to see every one's heart being softened lately. I pray this would lead us to more breakthroughs.

3) We need to pray for our brother and be a testimony to him.

That is why if the family can begin praying first, it is already part of the battle won. I also know through prayer, God will cause us to be more aware of the way we should all live our lives. I hope as my brother sees the change in us, it will allow him to see the transforming power of Jesus even in the lives of his family members whom he has once condemned as hopeless cases. In the eyes of Jesus, no one is hopeless and I pray he will see that in due time.

My family must be my primary ministry but I also must learn to trust God to help everyone through our individual journey. I cannot be their saviour because God is. I guess what I can do is to be the fire-starter so that our attention is always on Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour.

I shall end there with regards to my reflection. I visited Amsterdam the whole day but I did not do much as it was raining most of the time. I could not take photos. What I did was basically looking for shelters quiet and conducive enough for me to do my reflections. There was nothing much to shop too.

Oh yah, when I was trying to find my way to Chinatown, I entered this street parallel to a canal. Suddenly it dawned upon me that I have gone into the red-light district. In the above paragraph I was talking about shopping but along this canal, there are also people doing that but it is called window-shopping. The prostitutes were displayed behind those windows and they would do all things to entice would-be customers. Anyway, I prayed for that area, hoping that God will speak and minister even to these ladies. It was a sad sight.

I do not know whether I would want to make another trip to Amsterdam before I leave. I shall see how.

Praise the Lord for today.

I shall pack up now and head home as it is almost 8.00pm. Shopping hours are longer today as it is a Thursday. I doubt I will shop though.

Good night, all!

Letting Go

2011-08-11T03:48:00.000+08:00

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.
Finally, to let go is to let God.

But remember: The time to love is short.

My Day Two Reflection

2011-08-11T01:50:00.002+08:00

In the morning I reflected on a familiar passage taken from Psalm 139. The focus for my retreat today is me.

After reading all 24 verses, I am thankful to God for who I am because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. I am also glad that I have been made in God's image based on yesterday's passages from Genesis 1 to 3.

When I was pondering on the words "fearfully and wonderfully," I was just curious as to why these two words. I did not refer to any guides but when I just closed my eyes and kept still, I basically felt good about being Andy Chew because deep down in my heart I was grateful to God that He took pains in creating me. In God's assembly plant, if there is such a thing, I am not the same as His other creations. I am already a masterpiece in itself. I am unique.

As I reflected further, this other word came to mind - "undefiled." When I entered this world I was basically pure.

Throughout the passage, I was also reminded that God is the Author of my life. He knows my every move; thought; word - He basically knows me inside out but He has never been a dictator.

He basically gives me the freedom to live my life in this fallen world. From an undefiled little baby to who I am now, I am constantly exposed to the teachings of the world but I have a choice whether to follow them or not. Sad to say, many times I do.

Does God condemn me for having rebelled against Him? No. Instead He gave me and everyone else Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for our sins, so that we can choose to come back to Him - to be cleansed and made pure once more. Again He gave me a choice.

Now that I am a child of God, I cannot just live my life as if I am still totally in charge of it. This is where I need to include Him in all that I say and do - hence the verses which read, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)

The above thoughts are just relevant to me as I reflected on the passage. I guess it may not necessarily be the same for others.

Anyway, in the afternoon I went to the same cafe to do the second part of the retreat where I had to answer a few questions on my strengths, weaknesses, pet sins and calling. Again I thought it would have been easy since I have known myself for 39 years. How difficult can that be, right? Well, again I was wrong. I struggled because many times I do not want to know the dark side of my life.

I posted this on my FaceBook after I completed the questionaires, "Deliberately taking time to reflect on me today can be a scary thing... it is either I surrender my all (calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins) to God and continue living purposefully or I totally surrender and give up on myself (because the calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins are so overwhelming)."

Then my Pastor commented on this posting and she made sense. She said, "Reflection is critical to living." We need to regularly take pit stops in our lives to ensure we do not live life blindly but to do a rain-check once in a while so that we can get rid of what is not beneficial to our life's journey and pursue what is good and right in the sight of God.

As I was quite swamped after answering honestly the four areas of calling, strengths, weaknesses and pet sins, I decided to just leave the cafe and walked around the City Centre to continue my thought process.

Now that it has come to the end of the day, this is my conclusion. I am glad I have been asked to consider my calling and strengths. At least I know why I exist, from now till I die, and I can use my strengths to complement and supplement that calling. Knowing my weaknesses and pet sins are also important not for the sake of just being aware that they are there but to repent from them.

It is also to help me to be always on the watch so that the devil does not use this to affect what God has called me to do and in being a blessing to others.

I also concluded that I cannot do all these by myself. I basically need to be accountable to some siblings-in-Christ. This is where the body of Christ comes in. We must always remember that the Christian journey is never alone. We must always walk with one another. The question is whether we are willing to do that.

Well, that is all for the second day of my retreat.

I am going to sleep early tonight as I would like to do my next day's retreat in Amsterdam. I will take the earliest train out so that I can use the travelling time to do my reflection for tomorrow and also to maximise my time in the capital of The Netherlands.

So much for that. When I was walking around the town area, I basically went to some shops to check out some clothes but I did not buy any as I wanted to survey the prices and also the varieties first. I guess I will only start buying at the end of the week, if any.

Breakfast and dinner were sumptuous as always and I truly thank God for Laurel in always being so diligent in giving her family and I the most yummilicious food. After breakfast I joined Laurel and her two sons, Ben and Isaac, to a flea market to buy some fresh produce. The place was huge and there were just so many things available - from clothes to accessories to vegetables to fruits to fish, etc.

Oh yah, I called home and when grandma spoke to me, she cried. She asked how come I have not been coming home the past few days and whether she had offended me. Because of her dementia, she forgets that I am away hence her thoughts just ran wild. I guess I will call home regularly to assure her that she is not being neglected. I guess this is the least I can do for her. Praise God mum and dad are fine. So are the hammies, love-bird and doggy. :)

That's all.

Good night, everyone!

My Day One Reflection

2011-08-10T04:13:00.002+08:00

I think I have recovered from my jet-lag. It is already 10.15pm here and 4.15am in Singapore and I am still wide awake. Yesterday I was already sleeping like a log as I was super tired. Praise God for allowing me to adapt fast enough so that I can enjoy the remaining four days of my retreat.

Today marks the first day and it was already a thought-provoking session with God and also with my dear brother and sister-in-Christ who are my hosts here.

First things first, I have to say I was humbled. I have known God for 26 years since 1985 and I thought I know Him well enough to answer the questions given to me for today's reflection. Well, that spiritual pride in me was broken and I praise God that today's communion with Him caused me to not take my walk with Him for granted but instead to continue to yearn for more of Him in my life.

Today's focus was on God Himself. Two particular questions posed to me were exceptionally impactful though when you look at them, they may seem similar and so simple to answer.

1) Do you fear God? How is that reflected in your life?

The answer to the first part of the question was a "yes." Then I wrote further and said "but I still sin because my heart and mind are weak. Suddenly these two initial answers stumped me because if I said I fear God, then why am I still sinning against Him? Yes, I can never be sinless but I can surely sin less but has it been so for me?

I wrote further by saying I want to fear God but then the lures of this world can be too great for me to do so.

When I re-read what I wrote, it hit me that I was too quick to answer the question. I guess the modal answer is always a "yes" but that may not necessarily be so in my life right now. Suddenly I became very unsettled.

What I learnt is this - if I truly want to fear God and desire to live a life of godliness and holiness, then I should not be using excuses that my heart and mind are weak or that the lures of this world are simply too great. It is basically pushing of blames which at the end of day still boils down to me. Do I fear God?

If I do, then it is how I surrender my life to God that matters. Once I get the fundamentals right then it can be reflected in the way I live - as a child of God who knows His heartbeat.

2) Is Jesus the Lord and Saviour of your life? How is it reflected in your life?

I know Jesus is my Lord and Saviour. No doubt about it but whether that Lordship is reflected in my life is something that I need to press on to do. When you tell others that you have been saved by someone, that becomes a testimony. So the challenge for me is this - if I have said Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, where and what are my testimonies then?

I learnt that I need to trust God is all areas of my life and not some. By doing so He becomes truly the Lord of my life and no more just the mere profession of it. When I give Him total control, that is when He can work powerfully in and through me.

Well, all of the above-mentioned were very enlightening and I praise God for bringing me back to my senses. After that reflection in the cafe, I just strolled and prayed. I basically let God know that I want to give 100% of my life to Him and will from now on, trust in God and God alone. No more blaming of others but basically strengthening my feeble feet.

Anyway, I was only planning to stay in the cafe at D&V for lunch. Then I decided to watch the National Day Parade on my MacBook Pro while I chomped on my pizza, which was yummy. I was not planning to watch everything but each segment was so captivating that I stayed on.

I was seated along this passage-way that led to the staff's dining area. A couple of the staff who walked by became curious and asked what I was watching. I told them it was Singapore's birthday. In the end there were about four of us watching the parade.

I was initially planning to do my reflection in a park but the wind was so strong that I decided to stay put as the cafe was warm and quiet enough. One of the staff who watched the parade with me gave me a cup of coffee and that really made my day.

I walked the city-centre for a while. After that I needed to go back for dinner. I enjoyed the meal consisting of pastas and mango salad. Of course the fellowship was very insightful.

I shall end here. Looking forward to another day of wrestling with God tomorrow.

Finally Arrived In The Netherlands

2011-08-09T02:24:00.003+08:00

The time here in The Hague is 8.25pm. It is very bright as if it is still day. I am very tired though - still in Singapore time which is 2.25am.

This morning when I left for The Netherlands, my heart was sad due to a reason which I prefer to keep it private. I prayed about it. Though burdened I will have to go through with it but I will not cease praying, holding to the hope that one day God will make everything beautiful.

Anyway, I have blogged a little of what I did in Changi and Dubai airports. I shall blog more now. This was in Dubai when I was seated at the gate, waiting for my flight to Amsterdam. Then came two ladies, a mother and a daughter, who sat next to me.

As they were conversing loud enough for me to hear, I was just wondering whether the language was Khmer. Anyway, I decided to find out more by starting off in greeting them in Khmer. They were surprised when I did that. Of course I told them I am not a Cambodian but have been to their country for more than 30 times.

When they heard my greetings, the mother thought I was a fellow Khmer because she said I sounded and looked like one. Anyway, they knew English so we chatted in English. If we had carried on in Khmer, it would have been a short and awkward conversation.

I found out that the mother left Cambodia during the Pol Pot regime and since then they have been living in The Netherlands. Then she gave birth to her daughter who has since studied in the United Kingdom. I popped a question as to whether they would ever consider going back to Cambodia and their answer was a definite yes. In fact the family have already bought a land and they have returned a couple of times already.

Well, the two ladies were kind enough to even ask me to visit them once they return for good as interestingly, the province they are moving back to is in the Kandal Province. This is where my church's sister-church is located at, in the town of Takhmao.

The flight to Amsterdam was smooth. I did not get to sleep much as it was full and I could not really rest well sitting upright. The immigration and custom clearance was fast but I had to wait a long time to collect my luggage. I was worried for customs initially as I bought mooncakes and pineapple tarts for George, Laurel and their two sons.

I was so happy to meet Laurel outside the airport. She was so kind to travel from The Hague to Amsterdam to pick me up. We took a train and a tram. We caught up with each other during both rides.

When we reached home, I was greeted by two of Laurel's excited sons, Ben and Isaac. They have both grown so tall.

I washed up once I settled in the guestroom. After that I chatted with Laurel and the two boys.

After a while, I excused myself - basically to spend some time writing some thoughts in this journal book that my sister gave me last year and in it, there was still this note she wrote. I always praise God for her as she has been such a blessing to me.

I just had dinner with the family after George came back from work. Praise God for the reunion of friends and also for their hospitality and not forgetting the delicious food.

I shall key off here. Time to sleep. My retreat begins tomorrow and I shall look forward to it.

Safe Arrival In Dubai

2011-08-08T10:04:00.002+08:00

I arrived in Dubai International Airport about an hour ago. The flight from Singapore was okay except for some turbulence here and there.

I was very tired after all the housework and long day in church yesterday. After consuming the light snacks provided and reading a chapter of the book I brought along, I basically occupied all three seats in the row I was given and slept.

My heart was a little troubled when I boarded the plane but I have prayed and submitted my concerns to God.

I am now seated where the gate is. It is surprisingly crowded and it took me a while before I could find a seat.

Anyway, I shall end here.

My Retreat Has Begun...

2011-08-08T00:14:00.003+08:00

I just took some time to pray for my parents, grandma, brother and sister. I managed to find a quiet spot at one corner of the airport.

Well, the journey has started and since I have surrendered all my concerns and burdens I have of my loved ones to God, I shall now try to enjoy the time of retreat and just being away from familiar places to be refreshed.

I guess that is all I have to say.

Good night, everyone. Have a great week ahead.

Housework, Packing And Leaving

2011-08-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

I am catching a breather now and also giving my nose a rest. Since coming home from the missions training, I have been doing housework: bathed the hammies, love-bird and doggy; changed all the bedsheets in all three rooms; did the laundry - I had to do twice (one for the clothes and the other for the bedsheets); just swept and mopped the floor.

I have been sneezing due to my flu. Just took the medication. I have some more packing to do for the trip. In a couple of hours' time, I will be flying off already and frankly it has not really dawned upon me yet that I am leaving though this was planned about a month ago. I do not know whether this is a bad or good thing.

My heart has been troubled since coming home because my concerns and burdens for my loved ones are making it difficult for me to leave peacefully. I guess later when I am at the airport, I will find a quiet spot to pray and surrender my parents, grandma, brother and sister to God and trust that He will take good care of them while I am away.

I am more worried for grandma as I know she will miss me. She has been asking me non-stop when am I leaving but I had to be patient with her by giving her the same answers. I am ready to incur huge telephone bills as I know she would be calling me while I am away. Anyway, I did ask my parents to remind her that I am not in Singapore - probably that may minimise the calls from grandma.

I guess this trip is different from others because it is a time for me to be refreshed, to do some soul-searching, to spend a lot of time praying for God to make things right within me, in my relationships with my loved ones especially those which had been strained. As much as I am doing my part, I also hope that my loved are doing theirs in mending these broken relationships. I just hope they will be restored so that the fellowship can go on.

All I can do now is hope in the Lord.

I have this feeling that I have forgotten to pack a couple of things but I just cannot put a finger as to what they are.

I shall stop here. Need to clear some rubbish in all the bins and then finish up my packing.

I guess when I board the plane at 1.40am tomorrow, I shall just sleep.

God's Grace Is More Than Sufficient!

2011-08-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

I am tired. I have not packed my stuff for the trip which is about 24 hours away. But I want to blog some thoughts after coming back from The Festival of Praise 2011 at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

I thank God I went because John Bevere's message tonight was like a prelude to my personal retreat.

He was speaking on "Grace" and I was reminded that God's grace gives me the ability to live an extraordinary life. This grace is God's free empowerment that gives me the means to go beyond my natural ability.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I also learnt that faith is the pipeline to grace.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:1-2

There were many other lessons I took home but the above two are the most relevant in the current state of my journey with God.

The past one and a half years or so, I have forgotten that God has given me His grace, more than sufficient, to live an extraordinary life. Instead I dwelled on the struggles I was going through in handling family matters, discouraged by my foiled plan to go into full-time ministry and in turn letting all these affect my relationships with my loved ones.

This also speaks of the lack of faith I had in God to help me overcome the above struggles.

John Bevere at the closing of his message challenged everyone in the stadium to tap on this grace that God has freely given us to live that extraordinary life but we are not to stop there. We should go a step further and win lives for Christ by the way we live!

The reason why many Christians are living a mediocre lifestyle is mainly due to our lack of knowledge of God's grace. If only every child of God can live that extraordinary life through grace, our walk with God can never go dry or mundane.

Well, this is a good start to more lessons I will learning from God during my retreat.

For this trip, I am really going by faith because I am packing my bag to travel into an unknown territory which I did not really research on like my previous holidays. In a way it is good because this lack of knowledge of the new environment will not distract me from the very objective of being refreshed by God and also to seek Him for my future direction in life.

Throughout the course of typing out this blog, I have been blowing my nose constantly. I think I have the flu and I am praying God will make me well before I leave on early Monday morning.

I shall end here.

Work Still In Progress

2011-08-05T23:59:00.003+08:00

I just finished washing the windbreaker and jacket I need to use for my trip this Monday. I also did the rest of the laundry.

In between the washing and hanging of the laundry, I took the time to reflect on what happened last night with my parents and grandma and also the moment I spent with two dear siblings-in-Christ over dinner this evening.

During this period when I am struggling in my relationships with my loved ones, I have to confess I harboured hatred against them for not appreciating my love and concern. I also admit I have stumbled them before when my life was not in check but lately I have come to realise my complacency and have been actively working on my walk with God and also on my relationships with my loved ones.

While praying, God opened my eyes to a few lessons I can learn from here.

1) Hatred looks at the fault whereas love sees through that same fault and focuses on the person behind it. That person (it could be you or me) matters to God because all of us are still work in progress.

2) If we are all still work in progress, who are we to find fault with others? Is it not hypocritical? Instead should we not help each other to become better individuals by means of affirmation rather than criticism? By means of forgiveness rather than grudge? By means of walking with each other than walking away from each other?

I will continue to ponder on the above-mentioned at the retreat. :)

The fellowship over dinner with two dear siblings-in-Christ was a good one. I needed their counsel on a matter I have been praying about lately and that prayer has been answered but not one that I was hoping for. No matter what, it is still an answered prayer! Praise the Lord for that!

Life will still go on for me. In fact I will be using the retreat to seek God further on this matter as I have been challenged by these dear couple to not close the door but to consider my options. Whichever way God directs me, I know I will still be happy. That is good enough for me. :)

Anyway, that aside we also discussed about another matter. I gained a lot of insights from that conversation itself because one of them has been through it. It now helps me to be more objective in my prayer and I know God will answer it in due time. No doubt about that whatsoever! What I need to do is to press on.

Through tonight's dinner fellowship, I learnt another precious lesson - God always allows certain experiences we go through for a reason. Sometimes they break us but what comes next is the building and moulding. He never stops till the job is done. The result is that of a finely-crafted masterpiece!

Good night and have a restful weekend. :)

I Can Do All Things!

2011-08-05T16:19:00.005+08:00

Last night I had to fight fire at home. When I went into my room after coming home from my day-trip to Johor with some youth leaders, grandma asked me again how come I have not given her her monthly allowance. I had to once again bring her to her room to show her where she kept the money. Even after seeing the money, she did not believe me.

Then mum had to come in to intervene... asking my grandma how come she is so forgetful and always giving the family problems. The one thing which I do not want my family to do to grandma is happening right there and then. Everyone must remember that grandma is not trying to create problems on purpose but it is very much due to the condition of her dementia. I guess mum was reacting out of frustration. Anyway, the damage was done and grandma got angrier because of mum's remarks.

I told grandma to consider where the money came from if I had not given them to her before pulling mum away. Again I had to remind mum to be careful in using her words. I also told her that it is frustrating for everyone at home to see the state of grandma's condition but we just have to bear with it.

Then came dad. Earlier I asked him to change his clothes as I noticed it was the same ones he wore yesterday. He was not too happy and remarked that he would change as and when he wishes to. He even said things like "come back only always got this and that to say."

There and then the voice in me just kept asking me to just scream and ask everyone to shut up. Instead I retreated into my room, closed the door and just sat on my bed stumped. When I reached home, I was tired. After greeting my parents and grandma all I wanted to do was to go into my room and just do my stuff. Then one incident after another just came and dad had to insinuate that I have so much things to say. If nothing had happened, I would not have said anything in the first place.

I was very discouraged when I cried out to God my frustrations and disappointments. These past few weeks I have been conscientiously making the effort to do what is right and beneficial to my loved ones. I have to even restrain myself from doing certain things which I usually would. Though all these are not really a me thing, I have no choice. I simply just do not want to aggravate matters or affect my loved ones should I take things into my hands.

But last night, doubts came and I wonder whether all these that I have done for my loved ones are worth the while at all. I am a human too. I have feelings. I am not even asking them to be appreciative of what I do. Some kind words or loving gestures do help though I am not even asking for these. Just do not hurt me when these past few weeks I have been careful not to hurt others.

Many times questions still come into my mind as to why my loved ones are reacting to me negatively when all these while what I have done is out of love and concern for them. I have learnt to shun these aside as it is not important. What matters nowadays is so long as my loved ones are happy, that is good enough for me.

I am not sharing all these to make me sound as if I have sacrificed so much. Frankly I do not really care about all these. I just wish they will spare some thoughts for me. That's all.

Anyway, I was unable to sleep the whole night. I just spent the waking hours reading God's Word, a book and listening to music. I was initially planning to surf the net about the country I am visiting for my retreat but in the end had no mood to do so. In fact, I am not really looking forward to it now as I do not know how things will be at home during my absence.

I spent a considerable amount of time praying that God will protect my loved ones while I am away and that He will cover everyone with His blood so that nothing major would happen to them. It is a real fear but I have to surrender it to Him.

I messaged a couple of my siblings-in-Christ to pray about the above-mentioned as I was just overwhelmed. I was also tempted to do something silly but I prayed against it. That is how bad things can be for me but I thank God I can always use His Word to cast all negative thoughts or temptations away.

Anyway, this morning I did not get a chance to talk to to grandma and my parents as I did not feel it was appropriate still.

I need to go. I have to meet two dear siblings-in-Christ soon for dinner.

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Encouragement Received; Spirit Lifted

2011-08-04T01:32:00.002+08:00

Since coming home I have been busy catching all my pets for their weekly bath - first were my hammies (one of them looks sick); then the love-bird; and lastly my doggy. I just finished hanging the laundry and looking at the clock, I did not know it has passed midnight.

In between bathing my pets and waiting for the washing machine to complete its cycle, I had to help a dear sister-in-Christ retrieve her photos which she and I painstakingly took during a photo-shoot session in her studio last evening.

When her hubby called and told me about one of her MacBook Pro's softwares crashing on her while downloading the photos, I prayed and asked God to intervene in this matter. I know how frustrating it can be to lose the photos as she needs to use them soon for a launch.

I suggested to her hubby to try downloading the SD card into his own computer. I waited over the phone (and continued praying) as he did that and all glory to God, the photos were able to download and nothing was lost! Initially the couple thought they were gone as there were no pictures in the card. Praise God that the software in my sister-in-Christ's MBP managed to work again after she re-started it. Hallelujah! :)

Yesterday was a fun but tiring one. I helped the same sister-in-Christ in doing some data-entries for her business. After that we had lunch with her mum. Even now as I open and close my eyes, there are nothing but numbers. :) I am thankful to God that I managed to lighten her workload a little. Hopefully the figures entered are all correct.

Towards the evening when she managed to finish her side of the work, she decided to do the photo-shoot. It has been a while since I last did fashion photography but I was so looking forward to it. I remembered enjoying this kind of photography when I was teaching my students about it almost two years ago. :)

I was also teaching my sister-in-Christ some new techniques so that she can achieve a more natural and candid shots. I am glad she enjoyed those new moves. I was also happy when some of the shots turned out pretty good. :) She was telling her hubby how I was ooh-ing and aah-ing when we viewed the photos. Of course I had to react that way because I was pleased with the photos. :)

Yesterday's session has sparked that desire in me to do more photography. I have stopped for a while especially since I have been unwell for the past three months or so. Well, I have decided to bring my camera equipment to The Netherlands. When I have the time I will do some photography. I think this would help aid my personal retreat as I admire the beauty of God's creation in another part of the world.

Well, I shall end here. I am thankful to this dear sister-in-Christ who has opened her office for me so that I can come and do my own work and also to help her when the need arises. The fellowship with her and her hubby these couple of weeks have lifted my spirit a little and also taken the attention off some of the struggles I am still experiencing.

God is indeed good to have provided such dear siblings-in-Christ. I will always be grateful to Him and them. :)

I shall now go spend some time in prayer.

Good night, everyone! :)

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11